From Pain To Pleasure

Diane Mueller, ND, DAOM, LAc

Hey, everybody, Welcome to another episode of our summit. I am your host, Dr. Diane, your libido doctor. I am so excited to have Bibi on the summit with us. She has such an amazing background and a rich history of working with sexuality, sensuality, and so many more topics we are in a dive today. 

Welcome, Bibi. Thank you for being here. Let us start by having you just tell us a little bit about yourself and how you got so interested in this world of sexuality, sensuality, and health in that regard.

Bibi Brzozka

Yes, thank you for having me. I am going to try to keep my story brief. At the same time, I want to give some details because I think I have a sense that many women will resonate. Yes, I was born in Poland. Back then, it was communism. I went, and I decided what I was going to do with my life. I followed the logic, and what seemed like a great idea was to study finance and banking. I can travel the world and earn money, something that my parents did not have a chance to do. 

Yes, I graduated with three different masters. I am a nerd. Then, followed by 15 years of a corporate career. I worked everywhere from Australia to Wall Street in New York, and it all looked great on paper. I earned money, traveled the world, and did all the things that I wanted, but I was never fulfilled, it was just so empty, and that discomfort because of the lack of fulfillment was just getting bigger and bigger. 

For many years, I distracted myself with all the distractions that our society offers in abundance. Compulsive shopping, nonstop traveling, one-night stands, casual sex, parties, alcohol, etc. It worked for a few years, but then it stopped working. I think it was a little over 30 when I, for the first time, paused, not distracting myself with anything, and realized, Wait a second, I am doing something that I do not love. I am living in a place. I do not have a fulfilling relationship. There is nothing that turns me on in my life now. Not even one-night stands and sex that was mostly shallow and unsatisfying. 

That was a big realization that got me into a mini midlife crisis, which was a blessing and a portal of growth because I finally quit the Golden Cage and started to search. I went on a search for what it is that I am doing on this planet, in this lifetime, and on the journey of this self-discovery. I have done all kinds of things, from passing on a landmark medicine to applying ceremonies and coaching to all kinds of different things. I ended up in a workshop where I had my first full-body orgasm, and I experienced what I referred to as my sexual awakening. When that energy moved for the first time and we were fully clothed and doing it by ourselves, just to give you an idea, something clicked. 

I touched on some other dimensions I never had before. Once that energy was awakened, it remained awakened. I started with the next encounter with a lover. The energy started moving by itself. I did not even know what was going on. I started to have these energy orgasms, full-body orgasms, one after the other. It just started happening. I broke up with this first lover, and I was, okay, how is it so beautiful? It is so deep. It is so profound. How do I break into these experiences with myself, with anyone, and not just with myself? Based on this one person? That is how I started my conscious self-pleasure practice. Then I realize I am a sovereign, orgasmic human being and can move that energy with myself. I was then so excited about this that I just would not shut up. Every dinner I went to, every friend meetup, and every coffee I went to, I would talk about that.

Diane Mueller, ND, DAOM, LAc

I have not surprised you.

Bibi Brzozka

Ever heard it? Have you ever had a full-body orgasm? Have you ever heard about it? Your whole body starts to shake, and this and this happened, and people started coming back and telling me, Listen, after we had this conversation, I think I had a full-body orgasm, and more people started coming back, and then people started saying, Hey, we have wanted to have a session with you. It is. Wait, I do not even give sessions, but we do not care. We want it. Okay?  I was, Hey, I, there is something to add and people are resonating. People want more. 

I started to take more courses. It is going to be more retreats. I did several teacher trainings and certified myself in different modalities, and yes, people just want it more and more. It grew to be that today I reached more than 150,000 people online in person in English and Spanish, mostly women and couples, and yes, it has been the most rewarding and fulfilling journey. It has just been beautiful to see how tapping into our sexual energy, how life-changing it is, how transformational, how people just transform and become a better version of themselves. Being a catalyst for that and a guide, it has just been the most beautiful journey. Yes, that is where I am here today.

Diane Mueller, ND, DAOM, LAc

Yes. Thank you for that. That was an amazing share. I know that there are so many people who are listening to this, and they are probably thinking of a full-body orgasm. What is that? How have I had it? How do I do that? I think we also see in this type of work that so many people have not only had that experience but have not. Many women, especially females, have not even experienced orgasm at all. It is fairly common.

Bibi Brzozka

About 15%,

Diane Mueller, ND, DAOM, LAc

Exactly. Yes. I have read a few different studies, but I think they were between about 12 and 20. Yes, somewhere in there. Essentially from a standpoint of that, of being orgasmic or not being able to achieve full body orgasms to pelvic dysfunction and pain and all these things that people come to you for. One of the things we were talking about offline is this common thing that you said you heard, which is, I am broken.

Bibi Brzozka

Yes.

Diane Mueller, ND, DAOM, LAc

How is your conversation with that? How do we begin to unravel this for people who are hearing your story and hearing this orgasm example and other things throughout the summit and thinking, Am I broken? Is there something wrong?

Bibi Brzozka

Yes. Sadly, it all starts with the fact that there is a lack of proper education. The main reference for it is pornography. Pornography is not done to educate anyone. It is done to entertain. It is mainly done by and for men. I always say that there needs to be a lot of action and friction on the screen for this thing to be exciting. If people are going to eye gaze and meditate on the screen, no one is going to watch that. There is this exaggerated performance, a pleasure scene, where it seems those women are on orgasm, and it is just quick and fast, and they can orgasm on demand. It just lasts a few minutes, and then we go straight to the genitals and bang. Sadly, this is the opposite of true. 

Yes, as you said, I have so many women who came to me because they experience pain through penetration or vaginismus and, have never had an orgasm, cannot have an orgasm during penetration with a partner, or can only orgasm with a vibrator—all scenarios. Again, most of them think that there is something wrong with them because that is what it looks like if you compare yourself to a porn star. It is so far from true. If we take time to understand how the anatomy of women’s arousal works, how our body works, how it is essentially opposite because our equality is receptive, how we need so much over longer foreplay, and how we need to relax and trust so we can truly open up, and you start to introduce all these holistic tools, you start to realize that for a woman, it is so much more than just going straight to the genitals. 

This is going to shortcircuit her response, and there are beautiful practices that you can do to make her feel safe, to allow her to fully let go and then to open up and then become more receptive to pleasure, and then invite all these orgasmic experiences, which are not going to happen in 5 minutes. We need at least 40 to 45 minutes to be truly ready for penetration. Then they realize, Okay, I am not broken. 

This is why I also love my main way of teaching, which is group online courses where we go live. What I love is that I have a group of 50 women from around the world. I have women from Saudi Arabia who have never had an orgasm. I have women from Argentina and Mexico who grew up in a Catholic religious upbringing. That is a solid Middle East. I have women who have insecurities about their bodies and how they look. I have women with a history of abuse and sexual trauma, and I am a woman who believes that there is something wrong with them in sex. When they all come together and listen to each other, we are all in the same boat. We were all lied to. 

Now we can all unravel that, rewire, and rewrite that story. Just women doing this work together is even more powerful. For me, there are a lot of those problems, and I am not saying all. Of course, sometimes there are some physical conditions, but I have so many women, Diane, who come to me and say, Hey, I had vaginismus; I had a tight pelvic floor. I was doing the day looters. I was doing all these medical procedures. I was convinced to have several surgeries. None of this works. With you in a couple of weeks, I created a safe space. Where I tuned into my body. When I slowed down. When I did a pussy massage and activated all the pleasure points where I entered slowly. Where I was not just resting and banging, but there was a slow movement with awareness. I had my first G-spot orgasm without any pain. I had my first cervical orgasm with the wand, and it is so beautiful.

Diane Mueller, ND, DAOM, LAc

I hear what you are saying there. It is still the porn industry. Yes, I love that. Identifying it as entertainment and that differentiation, I think is important for people. From the standpoint of, Okay, people are experiencing pelvic pain, or they are experiencing difficult orgasms or other types of sexual dysfunctions. It sounds like, from an actionable step standpoint, you are saying things like, Okay, slow down; we need more foreplay; we need more touch; we need more. Just tuning into the subtleness of the pleasure before we go for it, we need to start. Yes, we need to stop comparing ourselves to the porn industry and how they do it, what it looks like, etc.

Bibi Brzozka

More or less. I love time quite a lot for women. Yes. Some of those things might sound quite a cliche or maybe a little obvious, but I ask everyone who feels, Okay, to slow down. We have heard this before.

Are you slowing down? It is not about some sophisticated techniques and positions, hanging upside down, and buying 7 million toys with a specific angle. To me, I believe that it is about coming back to basics because, if you look at that, the average time of sex is 5.4 minutes. We are not slowing down, and I want my needs to be met before I even get ready. We never even get to that place. 

Same with self-pleasure from a young age, we are told even that it is going to get us in trouble. We condition our system, and we have the habit of just doing it fast so we do not get caught, and maybe we are a partnership. Oh, my God. What if my partner finds out that I am self-pleasing and all that? To me, vibrators also enforce that fast food approach. We are not slowing down, and we are often not in our bodies. We often have sex and self-pleasure purely stimulated through the mind. Listen, the mind is a powerful, beautiful organ, but we also have our body because the mind is tricky, and if you just rely on the mind. Your mind gets insatiable and gets bored. 

With the porn, you can fast-forward. Well, you can swipe, but if you are in a long-term relationship, what are you going to do? Just trying to take the other avenue for arousal, which does not just mind stimulation or fantasizing porn, but sensations in the body. It takes time. We know we need to move from a sympathetic to a parasympathetic nervous system. It takes tools, breathwork, meditation, movement, and dance. It takes activating the entire body, not going straight to the genitals. It takes practice with yourself first. Are you in a relationship? Are you single? I invite everyone to start practicing conscious, intentional, high-vibration masturbation. 

Because this is the way to learn your instrument, to learn how your body works, to discover what you Again, it sounds cliché, but trust me, 80% of the women that come to me complain that this sex with their partner is not working for them. It is, okay, are you guiding your partner and communicating your desires and what you want? Well, I do not know what I want. I do not even know where my G-spot is. I never had a cervical orgasm. I do not even know how to stimulate that. I do not know. 

Well, that is where I come into place, and I take women on a 13-week process of discovering every part of the body and all the limiting beliefs. Because we are not just, there are so many limiting beliefs that we also have to become aware of. Because if you feel you are not worthy of pleasure, you are broke and you are orgasmic sex is dangerous because you have a history of trauma. We have to dig a little deeper into it and reprogram those beliefs, and then we work with the body. Yes, long answer.

Diane Mueller, ND, DAOM, LAc

Okay, that is perfect.

Bibi Brzozka

Yes.

Diane Mueller, ND, DAOM, LAc

Yes. Thank you. There is so much we can break down there. one, just to go backward and do a lot of different things. You say, I do want to comment on the fact that you run group programs to do this work, which I think is phenomenal because I have seen studies show that when we talk about sex, it helps to improve sex because I think it normalizes these taboo things. I think that is so powerful that you are, that you have oriented your work in those types of teaching modalities and that type of framework. That is one thing. 

Two, another thing that is interesting to me about what you said is another study showing that people who are partnerless, single, do not have a lover at all, and who masturbate have a high report of higher sexual satisfaction than the ownership. To me, that just validates everything that you say around. The more we learn about our bodies, the more we can enjoy pleasure with each other.

Bibi Brzozka

Absolutely. I am going to give you an example. I never had cervical orgasms when I was younger. I mainly experienced pain when doing deep penetration. It was not until I started to work with Crystal Wand, I did a process called Armoring, where you remove tension and pain with a little bit of a deep tissue massage inside the vaginal canal and soften it. Then I started activating the cervix, and it took a few sessions, and then I started to give myself a cervical orgasm. 

That is how it feels. All this is the light stimulation that it did not enjoy. Then, from this moment on, I would be able to guide my partner, ask him to pause, gently adjust my hips, and just be still and breathe. Only from that moment on did I start to experience cervical orgasms with the partners I love. the same with the G-spot I first discovered myself. Only then could I have had it with the partners. This is why I feel self-pleasure is so important. 

Diane Mueller, ND, DAOM, LAc

Think that is another thing that ties back to the porn conversation of that where people get confused around, especially females. It is almost sometimes I feel that there is just this, this thought, that men are just supposed to know because, in porn, it is, which makes it look so easy. In actuality, we need to teach our lovers and partners about what works for us. For our listeners that we are all, listeners all across the spectrum here. Some people are listening and are already there. I got it, baby; I am way into self-pleasure and they are just cheering us on this conversation. 

But I know people are listening who have never gone in that direction at all. Have never even looked at their vulva. Have never considered self-pleasure or any of that. This can be a very touchy subject in the beginning. What are the beginning steps that you recommend for somebody who has never done self-pleasure to make it more comfortable to take that first step?

Bibi Brzozka

Yes. I see it as a self-love ritual. It is going to be less overwhelming and scary for your nervous system. Can you think of it as a self-love ritual? Then scheduling in our time for this and doing all the things you can do to love your body, is it a nice bath or a nice massage beforehand and just setting up and, a nice environment and playing with your entire moving, having nice music and start with the movement, do a little bit of breathing, hopefully some guided meditation to allow you to jump in and then start sensually exploring your body and see how that feels for your body? 

For some of you, this will already be a lot. But again, you want to feel safe. For some of those people who’ve never done it, never look at the vulva; there is probably something there. Probably there is trauma or some block. Do not overwhelm your nervous system. Go slow.  Maybe this is going to be the first session, and then next time you are going to go a little further. For the ladies, you always want to start with activating your breasts. Okay? There is a lot of scientific explanation for that. It is connected to your vagina. It is connected to the endocrine system. Massaging will allow you to release oxytocin, the self-love hormone. You will feel self-love on a hormone level. 

Once this is activated, your heart softens. Only then you are going to get closer to your vulva. That is what is on the outside. Never go straight inside. Please play different moves or slower strokes. Add some oil, massage around, and explore. Take time to breathe. Hey. how does it feel when I cup my entire vulva into a little circle? How does it feel if I am going to slide all over it, How does it feel when I am in a squeeze? We are exploring different types of touch slowly. Do not chase the damn orgasm; just give yourself time and slow down. Before anything enters your vagina, is this your finger? 

Again, I invite everyone to, ladies. Pleasure on the inside, not just the clitoral There are so many powerful orgasms on the inside. There is a G-spot in the A-spot, cervix. Is it your finger? Is it the jade egg? Is it the wand before it enters? I rested on the entrance, tuning into your pussy, and saw that she was ready to be penetrated because she needs a lot of time. If it is a No, honor, this and ask your partners to do the same. If it is a Yes, enter slowly and give up this idea that you have to orgasm. Sometimes just be with this sensation, be with the exploration, because that orgasm always takes us away from the present moment. It is slightly ahead of us. We are. Let us stick to the carrot. But not exactly in the present moment. If you sometimes take it off the table, you can enjoy every moment and every little sensation, observe what feels good, and then come back to that. Breathing, slowing down, and sounding. This is a nice way to start again.

Diane Mueller, ND, DAOM, LAc

Go ahead.

Bibi Brzozka

Then we live in such a historical moment because, for the first time in history, all this knowledge is available to the masses. All the Daoist traditions and tantras were usually a secret; they were highly guarded. Now we finally have the last few years, the first year in history that there has been so much sexual education available. Take advantage of that. There are phenomenal books or podcasts, and there are courses in which you can be guided, especially if you have a history of trauma or abuse and there are certain, real blockages. 

You do not have to be alone. Just get someone to guide you and hold your hand. Is it my course, is it a retreat, or is it someone else? But with everything else, I am a high achiever. I speak six languages. I do serve, ski, and play tennis. Did I figure it out by myself? No. I got training, and I got teachers. I learned how to survive in ten days because I hired a trainer, and they taught me, so instead of wasting the next 20 years figuring it out, just let someone guide you so you can accelerate that orgasmic expansion for yourself. Yes. With all the information available,

Diane Mueller, ND, DAOM, LAc

Yes. Thank you. There is so much there. I think there is such a good thing for helping people understand to make some big points I took out what you are saying. One, follow your intuition.  Let your internal feeling be your guide. If it does not feel safe, do not go there like some big thing. The second one, that I think is just so important to repeat because I just think it is so valuable for everybody is the fact that you do not be obsessed with the orgasm. 

Anybody that has had orgasms loves. Of course, orgasms are amazing. But we can lose, as you said, that sense of feeling the sensation in the presence of always chasing that thing. I just wanted to emphasize that as well. Now that we have said that, there are also going to be people, of course, that are listening to that is, okay, well, now I am good; I am doing my pleasure. I am very tuned into my body. It is a perfectly normal thing to also want to improve orgasms.

Bibi Brzozka

Oh, absolutely.

Diane Mueller, ND, DAOM, LAc

Or to experience the different types of orgasm. But you mentioned, so for people that are more in that camp, okay, well, how do we make orgasms better? What do you have to say to that group of people? 

Bibi Brzozka

What makes orgasms? I do not know. More deeper, I would say. Maybe not better, but deeper because… Yes, let us call it that.

Diane Mueller, ND, DAOM, LAc

I was slowing down.

Bibi Brzozka

Yes. Slowing it down. I would call it a pleasure scale. Some people believe there is a practice of edging, or, as I call it, riding the wave of pleasure. You start to observe where you are on your pleasure scale from 1 to 10, one another, not orgasm. You get all not aroused by the orgasm, You start to give yourself numbers, and you can do this with yourself or with a partner. Okay, I am at five; I am at seven; and I am slowing down at eight. Do not just run in a sprint from 1 to 10. It is over. I do have the peak, orgasmic peak, orgasmic explosive experience, and then it is gone. Again slow down, come to an eight then, slow down, and start breathing the belly. You will tend to breathe faster and then tense for the climax to happen. But then it is short and fast. 

Okay, do the opposite. Slow down, deep belly breathing, slower sound. All this will allow that pleasure to expand and the loudest pleasure to move through you, all over your body, not just in the genital area. From there, you can start experiencing full-body orgasms, energy orgasms, valley orgasms, and hard orgasms, all of which have different names for it. yes. Coming to an end, pause, breathe, and sound. Your arousal is going to start gently falling. Do not let it fall to zero. Let it fall, maybe to six or five, and then bring it up for stimulation. Bring it up to a nine again and slow it down to a six again; do this at least three times and see what happens. See how that orgasm will be experienced after riding at least three waves like that. 

Again, you can practice with yourself first because once you get a grip on that, it is going to be so much easier to guide your partner flawlessly. If you are both flawless and have never even tried it with yourself, you can get a little clumsy. But again, if everyone trains how to play their instrument, then you can come together and play as a beautiful duo. Because I always say, imagine two guitar players wanting to play a concert, but they never rehearsed on their guitar.  

Diane Mueller, ND, DAOM, LAc

That is a great analogy. 

Bibi Brzozka

Please rehearse. Visually, those rehearsals are quite pleasurable. Exactly nourishing. Yes, slowing down, edging, deep belly breathing, and riding the waves. Those are some of the tools that I would recommend.

Diane Mueller, ND, DAOM, LAc

Thank you is a great starting point, and then I appreciate how you just describe in so many detail how people slow down and how people edge. I think explaining to that level is super helpful. We are reaching the end of our interview. It goes so fast.

Bibi Brzozka

I know.

Diane Mueller, ND, DAOM, LAc

I want to make sure people know how to get a hold of you. We are going to talk about that. You have the Erotic Glow Activation that you are giving away to everybody. I am going to talk about that and make sure everybody knows how to get there. But before we wrap up with that, is there any from sexual health, sexual pleasure, sexual dysfunction, big picture, or any big picture take home? You have got to say this to wrap this up and, get that thing in.

Bibi Brzozka

Yes. Before you label yourself as being sexually dysfunctional, I want you to open yourself to exploring all the holistic tools. It is, most people do not have a dysfunction. They just do not know the body; they do not know how to feel safe in the body. They never explored holistic ways to connect with today’s sexuality. Do not label yourself anything, but explore first. That is what I am going to say.

Diane Mueller, ND, DAOM, LAc

Yes, I love it. Perfect. Then tell us about the Erotic Glow Activation. What is that?

Bibi Brzozka

Yes. The Erotic Glow Activation, this one is for women, and if you want some more practical guidance, it is a three-part meditation-guided audio with beautiful music. Were we going to create that receptive stage for pleasure? If you want to start self-pleasuring, as I describe it today, a beautiful way to do it is to start with the Erotic Glow Activation. 

There is just a beautiful one to just tune into your body. The second one is to tune into your breasts. The third one is how to activate erotic energy within us so that we become radiant and glowing. It is not about tons of makeup, fake eyelashes, and extensions, and God knows what you can glow because you are awakened to erotic energy inside of you. I am a big believer in that. That is the erotic glow activation, and it is guided. You just press play, ladies, and follow along. super easy. No excuses.

Diane Mueller, ND, DAOM, LAc

Awesome. Thank you. That is so valuable. You guys will make sure that that is in the bonus section of the summit. Make sure you go and sign up for that. You can get it. You have to sign up, and I know this is going to be so valuable, just make sure you do that. I know you have a course for women. We want to talk about telling you how to get a hold of you, and then you get your offer.

Bibi Brzozka

Yes, so I have a difficult Polish name, so I can, of course, always get creative about it so you can find me. My main channel is Instagram. It is Planet Bibi. Bibi is my nickname, Planet B-I-B-I. I believe you will have some links somewhere. Yes, if you want to have a daily source of inspiration, you can find me there. You can also go to my website, and I made it easy. It is called energeticlovemaking.com, and that will redirect you to my name, yes, I have a beautiful online mentorship for women called Ladder to Bliss, which is 12 weeks long plus bonuses online. Ladies from all over the world again, no excuses. You can join from wherever you are, and it is life. I am there. I got to know you well. It is not some video you buy, and you never see me. I will accompany you along the way. It is a beautiful community of hundreds of women who graduated from it. 

I also work with couples, and I have a six-month Ecstatic Lovers Academy. That is for partners. Beautiful. We dive deep as well. Yes, all the couples that graduate tell me this should be a mandatory course because before anyone gets married and signed they are going to be with each other forever. In all my courses, it goes far beyond sexuality. It is a very holistic approach. We work with everything—with emotions, with beliefs, etc., It is beautiful work, and I am never going to throw you into the deep waters and overwhelm your nervous system. All my containers are elegant, safe, sophisticated, and nothing to be scared of.

Diane Mueller, ND, DAOM, LAc

Yes. Thank you.  everybody will. You are going to have all of that information about how to find Bibi and all of our amazing courses, offerings, retreats, and more in the speaker bio. That is where you will find it. Bibi, what a pleasure!

Bibi Brzozka

Thank you so much.

Diane Mueller, ND, DAOM, LAc

Thank you for coming by and for all you are bringing to the world. Thank you for being here. It is been truly wonderful.

Bibi Brzozka

Thank you so much for having me. Yes, I hope to see you. Ladies and gentlemen, in one of my orgasmic containers.

Diane Mueller, ND, DAOM, LAc

Bye, everybody. See you on the next one.

Bibi Brzozka

Bye.