Get Your Vitamin G -How Gratitude Builds Fortitude During Menopause

Dr. Sharon Stills

Hi, everyone. Welcome to the Mastering the Menopause Transition Like a Boss Summit. I’m your host, Dr. Sharon Stills. Excited and grateful for you all to be here with us today. And today we are talking about a subject near and dear to my heart and to the menopause journey. We’re gonna be talking all about gratitude with the gratitude queen, which I am so excited to have this conversation. And gratitude is such a part of what I consider medicine. I am always saying not all medicine comes in a pill bottle. It’s one of my favorite hashtags to use on social media. And the reason I say that is because there’s so many things that you yourself can do that have nothing to do with what you’re swallowing, whether it’s a vitamin or anything. And so today we’re gonna journey down that area. We’re gonna journey into gratitude. And what I want you to take away from this very important conversation is that gratitude is medicine. And it’s something you can start using as soon as you’re done listening to this talk today. So with that in mind, I am super excited to have Holly Bertone, the gratitude queen, on with me today to have this important conversation. And Holly is a survivor. She is a redheaded sister. She is a Amazon best-selling author. And she is all about gratitude. So who better to have this conversation with? So thank you for being here, Holly. I’m really excited to talk with you today.

Holly Bertone, PMP, CHNP

Yes. Thank you so much, Dr. Sharon. I just, I really appreciate you inviting me on since this is just such a great topic to, you know, to share with everyone. So thanks for having me.

Dr. Sharon Stills

Oh, my pleasure. My pleasure. So I’d love for you to share your story. I think your story is so inspiring. And tell us how you got into this. And so let’s hear it.

Holly Bertone, PMP, CHNP

Yeah. So I always like to start my story before my story, because I think it’s important… I think it’s important for people to understand kinda where I came from, because it helps to put everything into perspective. So before my 39th birthday, I was, you know, I pretty much had the perfect life or what I thought was the perfect life. I had this high-powered career. Very high level management position at one of those three-letter government agencies they make TV shows about. And we’ll just leave it at that. And I was living in sin with my boyfriend. We were talking about getting married. You know, I was drinking margaritas with my girlfriends and traveling all over and just doing the things, right? I was a XTERRA triathlete. I raced competitively. Raced mountain bikes and, you know, rock climbed and took Muay Thai boxing. 

And just, I did all the things, right? I was like, this is what every 38-year-old girl should be doing. And yeah, so that was my life. And then on my 39th birthday, I actually got the call. All the tests and everything had been done ahead of time, but I got the call on my 39th birthday. And the doctor said you have breast cancer, but don’t worry. It’s the good kind. Which I’m like, what? Who says that? Right? What kinda breast cancer’s the good kind? It turns out later, I guess, if you had to rank the breast cancers, I was ER/PR-positive her2 negative. So if you had to kind of put them on a spectrum, I did have the good kind. I don’t know. I wouldn’t call any kind of cancer good. But from that point on it just, the whirlwind started, because two days later, my boyfriend proposed. So it was 48 hours. It was you have breast cancer and then will you marry me? And then… So I ended up going through surgery, chemo, and radiation. And then we got married 10 days after treatment ended. So that whole time that I was engaged, I was trying to… Like, I lost part of my breast. I went into early chemical menopause. I was bald. You know, I smelled like chemo funk. I had the walking farts. Like, I mean, I was just a hot mess and I’m trying be this like sexy fiance. 

And it just… Yeah, yeah. You just kinda have to laugh at that point. And we can get back to the menopause in a second. But after treatment ended, I just kept getting sicker and sicker and sicker. And I’m like all the girls in support group, they’re running these, you know, 5k, you know, pink ribbon races. I’m like, I can’t get outta bed. And it took a year, but then my doctor finally diagnosed me with Hashimoto’s thyroiditis, which is the autoimmune component of hypothyroidism. And two of the biggest symptoms are extreme, debilitating fatigue and weight gain. So go team! So that was kind of my health journey. And I actually stayed in chemical menopause. So I have been in menopause since I was 39. And you can ask me anything about that that you want, having gone through it at a much earlier age. So I’ve now been in menopause for 12 years. But, you know, kinda throughout this process, the words of my mother kept going through my head. And her life mantra was: it builds fortitude, it builds fortitude. She was actually diagnosed with a very rare adrenal disorder when she was pregnant with me. And that was just kind of her life mantra. 

She was always very positive. Always very, just… And not like fake positive, just genuinely happy. And it wasn’t until much later that I actually learned… I always thought kind of the it builds fortitude. You know, when I was going through my own health challenges, I thought that it was like the storms of life, like going through these health challenges, like going through these difficult times was what built fortitude. But it wasn’t until later that I realized that the it that she was talking about was gratitude. And that gratitude builds fortitude. And so, anyway, so yeah. So Pink Fortitude was obviously named after Mama Fortitude, as I call her. She passed in 2019. And then it just really started, you know, kinda diving into gratitude and the benefits of gratitude. And now I just, I hang my hat on the mantra that gratitude builds fortitude. So, and here we are.

Dr. Sharon Stills

I love that, Mama Fortitude. That’s so beautiful. I just lost my mom this year and-

Holly Bertone, PMP, CHNP

Oh. Yeah, that’s hard.

Dr. Sharon Stills

It’s such a sad thing. But gratitude really got me through it and sustained me because I knew that she was ready. She was 85 and she was suffering. And so the gratitude for her being at peace, for her not suffering has really given me a lot of grace around the process. And so gratitude is such a healing process and such a healing attitude to take. The attitude of gratitude. Right? And so tell us, what is gratitude to you for those listening? What does that mean?

Holly Bertone, PMP, CHNP

Yeah, so, you know… I mean, I think the technical definition is just the process of being, you know, grateful and being thankful. And, you know, Dr. Robert Emmons is one of the, literally, probably the world’s leading scientific expert on gratitude with all of his research and studies. And, you know, he kinda basically says there has to be a giving and a receiving. You know, there has to be a giver and a receiver. So you can kind of think about it in that way. And, you know, then when I talk about gratitude building fortitude, fortitude is just that inner resilience, that inner strength, that, you know, standing strong, regardless of all the storms that are going on around you. You know, and what I actually found in the community that I generally work with are women with some type of, you know, chronic illness. 

A health challenge, cancer, autoimmune. That sort of thing. You know, but obviously, you know, this age of, you know, kind of menopause, we’re dealing with, you know, a lot more than just like, you know, there’s health challenges, there’s all the kind of chemical, emotional changes of menopause. There’s, you know, life changes that we’re empty nesters and our kids are going to college. And, you know, we’re becoming grandparents. Or, you know, we’re maybe getting divorced. Or, you know, losing a loved one. Or taking care of elderly parents or losing our parents. Like we’re going through all these changes. You know, so I think everything that I, you know, kinda talk about in terms of gratitude is very universal, you know, for kind of where, you know, where we are at this stage of life.

Dr. Sharon Stills

Absolutely. It’s definitely universal and definitely in menopause, I always, I think we’ve been given such a harsh definition of what menopause is from society. And so when I’m working with patients. And I know I’ve heard you say this, like you got your diagnosis on your birthday. And what a gift that was. And I love that you say that because I always say, I know that patients are really turning the corner and healing when they come back and say, “Dr. Stills, I’m so glad I’m going through this. It’s such a gift.” And then, you know, yes, you’re really getting it because there are gifts in all of the things we go through with our body. And menopause… If we’re going through menopause, we should be grateful we’ve lived long enough that we are getting to go through that beautiful transition as we go into the next act of our life. So what’s some science behind… Because we hear, oh, be grateful. And that just opens up a whole Pandora’s box. So I’d love to hear for the nerds like me who wanna hear some science behind it.

Holly Bertone, PMP, CHNP

You know, I absolutely love the science. And I love starting there. I think there’s actually two kind of areas that I wanna cover. ‘Cause I think it’s really important to talk about it. You know, a lotta people think kind of the, you know, like gratitude being kind of woo woo, or, you know, a little out there. You know, I can’t really see it. I can’t really… Like, you know, how do I know it actually works? So I really like digging into the science. And I think one of the… “Psychology Today” did a study with the seven benefits, seven proven benefits of gratitude. And I think it’s one of the biggest, and you know, kind of widest. What do you call it? Sorry, I still lose my mind. My mind? I still lose my words sometimes. Quoted. Biggest quoted study. You know what I mean? But gratitude is scientifically proven. The seven benefits are to improve the quality of your relationships, to increase better health in terms of like fewer aches and pains, things like that, to decrease anger and decrease anxiety and increase happiness. It turns on those happy hormones. 

To enhance empathy and reduce angry outbursts, to sleep better. Which, like, yes! I dunno how many people there are listening, raise the virtual hand. That’s always my favorite. To really just be comfortable in your own skin. And, you know, to really kind of increase that self worth. And then, of course, my favorite one is to increase mental strength, which, of course, is what I call fortitude. And that is important. But I also think that there were four different studies that looked at gratitude and PTSD from collective trauma. So there was four different studies, four different, you know, years. Different… Like they were completely different, but they all showed the same thing. So I like talking about them as a collective because they looked at PTSD in trauma, in collective trauma. So 9/11 survivors, earthquake survivors, school shooting survivors, and, interestingly, Vietnam veterans. 

So some of the studies were done soon after the traumatic event. And obviously the Vietnam study was done years after. So it didn’t matter whether it was short or long, the results were the same in that gratitude helped to decrease those, all of the PTSD symptoms and increase those levels of happiness. And I think that that’s important to, you know, especially over the last few years that we’ve had in kind of a global collective trauma that we’ve all been through. And, you know, whether it’s affected you greatly or not, we still kind of experience it, you know? And I think we are going to for a while. And, you know, having gone through that that, you know, looking at it, not just from an individual perspective and what gratitude can do for me. But also as a collective, you know, in these things that we go through together as well, how beneficial gratitude is.

Dr. Sharon Stills

Absolutely. And if you think about its effect on like the prefrontal cortex, it actually stimulates there. And then it actually stimulates like this craving that you wanna be a giver. And so it’s like, it’s this beautiful feedback loop. You are grateful. And then you wanna be, you know, you do nice things. Then people are grateful for you. And then they get that feeling and they go out. It’s kind of like this paying it forward random acts of kindness. Random acts of gratitude.

Holly Bertone, PMP, CHNP

Yes. Well, and Rick Hanson, I think, was the scientist that did this study. And basically, 80% of our thoughts are negative and 20% are positive. So, you know, we kinda look at gratitude as, or look at these thoughts as the negative thoughts are kind of like Teflon. Or I’m sorry, the negative thoughts are like Velcro. Like the negative thoughts kinda come at you. And the 20% of the positive thoughts are kinda like the Teflon. And gratitude starts to reverse that because, back to the science. It is scientifically proven that gratitude and negative emotions cannot occupy the same space in your brain. Even if it’s just for that moment in time. So, you know, even if we can’t reverse it to the 80/20 to 20/80, you know? But to start making those negative thoughts and those negative experiences, you know, be that Teflon, right? To just kinda, the water off the duck’s back. And to have gratitude, like we were talking about, like gratitude be that Velcro. Like I just wanna experience more and more and more. You know, kind of like an addiction, but in a very good way.

Dr. Sharon Stills

I love that. I love that visual. That’s something the listeners, we could really take that. And I always wonder, it’s like, why are we wired to be 80% negative and 20% positive? It would’ve been so much easier if it was the other way around.

Holly Bertone, PMP, CHNP

I know! Right? I mean, our brains are designed to protect us. So it’s actually kinda a good thing. It’s supposed to keep us safe, but you know…

Dr. Sharon Stills

We’ve gotten carried away with what we need to be safe from. But as you were talking, I was thinking, right, it’s like, gratitude is this muscle. And so you have to really be flexing it. And so if you are, it’s not to beat yourself up when you’re going down that 80% way, because you’re just wired that way. But to then catch yourself and be like, wait a second. What can I be grateful for in this moment? And there’s always something to be grateful for, right? Whether it’s profound. Or I find so much gratitude in just the mundane things of life. There’s so much beauty there. And so I’d love to know what does a day of gratitude look like in the Gratitude Queen’s life? What could you tell us?

Holly Bertone, PMP, CHNP

Oh my goodness! Well really quick though, can I get into just one more thing in terms of just the health aspect with gratitude?

Dr. Sharon Stills

Sure, absolutely.

Holly Bertone, PMP, CHNP

And I’m sure you’re gonna have a lot of other women going into this topic really deep. So I just wanted to kind of just put it together in about 90 seconds, is that… In a nutshell, right? Stress increases inflammation and inflammatory response in our body. Again, back to the science, the gratitude helps to decrease that stress, right? So it’s helps to decrease that inflammation, decrease that stress, and really just keep us healthier. And, again, I’m sure you have speakers who are gonna go into this in depth in this summit, but I did wanna touch that. And just, you know, kinda make that point so that when you do listen to some of the other speakers, you can kinda think back to the gratitude and why it works.

Dr. Sharon Stills

No, I love that. I’m like, you and I are like soul-mated redheaded sisters, and we didn’t even know it. Because that’s so important to me and such an important message that here, because stress. I mean, I always say stress is 99.99999% of all issues we have going on. And then patients so often come in and they’re looking for something to take for stress, be it an herb or a vitamin, which is all fine and dandy. But I want to get to the root cause. And if you can use… And I do, I take my prescription pad and I never write for drugs. I write for gratitude. I write for vacations. And so if you can just listen to what Holly said. And if you have stress in your life, if you can stop in that moment and think about what could you be grateful for in this situation? You are self-medicating. You are lowering your stress levels. 

And maybe you’ll still need an herb or something, but maybe you won’t. Maybe you got this just by using the power of gratitude. So I love that you’ve brought that up. That’s such a powerful point. I mean, it’s the same with also, we’re talking about like how it rewires your brain and it increases dopamine. And so many of us get into addictions ’cause we want that dopamine hit. And you can feed that to yourself just by being grateful. You don’t have to wait for the next bell to ring on Facebook or the next sugar or the next drug or gambling or whatever it be. You can handle that yourself and just see the world with such new eyes. So I love that you took time to bring that up. Thank you.

Holly Bertone, PMP, CHNP

Yeah. Yeah. And you had asked about kind of my day. And you know, I really, I start with gratitude in terms of… I do kind of a gratitude prayer kind of joint first thing in the morning. And, you know, really the gratitude is not just to kind of the day itself, but then also kind of future pacing my day. Right? So thinking about all the things that are gonna happen that day and saying that I’m grateful for them like they already happened. And I think that that’s so important because that also starts to help that rewiring. You know, like you said, like I’m now going through my day looking, right? Subconsciously looking for things that I’m grateful for. Just an example. The produce guy, Peter the produce guy, he, every time I go in, he always remembers, he always asks me what I made for dinner. And he always remembers it the next time. Like he remembers that I love organic collared greens to put in my smoothie. And he knows what I get when they don’t have them. And he’s always asking about like what I need for dinner. And he remembers! And to me, like going the grocery store, I’m so grateful because, you know, like, I’m just thinking like, oh, I get to see Peter and we get to have a conversation. Right? And, you know, it’s just the little things like you were talking about.

Like, it’s just the little things. It doesn’t have to be anything big or grandiose. And then the little things start to kinda stack up on each other. And, you know, I kinda think of it like the reticular activating system. And there might be some people in the summit that get into this deeper as well. But the best example I can give was my 14-year-old truck was parked, but it was involved in a hit and run. So no one was hurt. It was parked. And it was just this random chain of events. And this was quite a few, almost a year ago, actually. When like there was this weird vortex in the universe where used cars were actually better priced than, or new cars were better priced than used cars. And so anyway, so I got the insurance money and we got like a military discount and the whole thing. And I ended up getting… I was looking at a used Hyundai Tucson. And I thought that that was the car that I wanted. And the sales guy was like. And I haven’t even been there in person yet. And the sales guy was like, well, I have a brand new Hyundai Kona. 

It’s a little bit smaller. But it’s only $2,000 more and it’s brand new. And the one I was looking at was like 40,000 miles. And I’m like, okay, that’s a no-brainer. And I didn’t even know what a Kona was. I’m like, what is a Kona? I had to go online and look. I didn’t even know the car existed. But it was a smaller version of the Tucson. And so now I’ve got this like, you know, brand new happy little Kona. It’s the perfect little empty-nester car for me. I didn’t need anything big or exciting. But now I see them everywhere. And I didn’t even know the car existed. Right? So that’s kind of how my day is with gratitude. Like, you know, I just go out there. And it’s just kind of everywhere that I go. You know, and then I also, you know, bookend my night before I go to bed. And, you know, just kind of imprint that gratitude before I go to sleep. And I think in terms of a gratitude practice is a journey. It’s not a destination. You don’t get a medal when you’re finished. Like, there’s no… You know, like there’s no mile markers. But gratitude starts. And, you know, the students that I coach, gratitude starts with kind of what you do. And I don’t wanna say it ends, but it becomes who you are. So, you know, kind of starting that gratitude practice, there’s a lot of to-do stuff. But then that lessens more and more over time. And it just kind of becomes like the air that you breathe. So, you know, I still do the practices. But it’s not like I have to do them to have the gratitude, if that makes sense.

Dr. Sharon Stills

Yeah. You’ve worked your gratitude muscle. You are .

Holly Bertone, PMP, CHNP

Yeah.

Dr. Sharon Stills

You are in shape.

Holly Bertone, PMP, CHNP

I need to do more pushups. But gratitude, we’re good.

Dr. Sharon Stills

So I’d like to also talk, because I’m very aware always of when we’re talking about being grateful. And if someone is listening and they’re really in a dark space or not in their best. And it feels like, well, should I just fake it? Or how do I be grateful? That it’s okay to feel all the emotions. And so I’d just love to have you speak to that. I think that’s such an important topic.

Holly Bertone, PMP, CHNP

Absolutely. You know, and here’s the thing. And, you know, you listening, you’re gonna have to be the one, or if you’re working, you know, with a professional to kind of make that distinction. But there is a time and a place to be in the emotions, to be in the boohoos and the feels. And the, you know, I just don’t wanna be grateful. When Mama Fortitude passed, I did not wanna be grateful. And I was knee deep in my… I have five levels of gratitude and I was probably at a solid level four. I mean, I was knee deep in my gratitude practice. But I did not wanna be grateful. But there’s a time and a place to be in the feels and to acknowledge those very raw, real emotions. And there’s also a time and a place to move on and to start taking those steps. You know, I kind of joked that when… I mean, I was literally like a child throwing a tantrum. Like, I don’t wanna be grateful! You know, ’cause like I’m like gratitude. That’s what I do. Right? And I feel like I was forcing myself to be grateful because that’s like, that’s me. That’s what I do. 

That’s my brand. I’m, you know, gratitude. And I felt like I had this like pressure. And I’m like having this tantrum with myself. And it was the funniest thing because one day I was, all of a sudden, I was like, I am grateful for my yellow pencil. And I had this like stupid little mechanical yellow pencil. It’s a pencil. Like it doesn’t get any more innate than a pencil. And I was like, I’m grateful for my pencil. I just love my pencil. And it opened the door. That’s all it was. It just opened the door. Again, it doesn’t have to be grandiose. It doesn’t have to be forced. It just kind of happened. And, you know, and the thing too is 75% of individuals that I’ve polled who have some type of, you know, kind of chronic illness, condition, whatever, they say that they love the concept of gratitude. They just can’t get it to stick. And what I found in my last several years between my own research and then working, you know, with my students and the women in my community is that gratitude is failing people for a reason. 

And if you find that you can’t get it to work. Like you make the list and you say the affirmations and you do the things and you have the good intentions and it just isn’t working. I always kinda say… And this is like a whole, you know, 10-hour conversation. But I always say that practicing gratitude is not the best way to get started with gratitude. And you know, those are great. Those actions are great and they are a great way… They are great things to do. And they definitely help. So I’m not saying don’t do them. Right? But if everyone says to do that, but then, you know, I polled 75% of the people say that it doesn’t stick. There’s a disconnect there somewhere. Right? So why is it that so many people, you know, say they love the concept of gratitude. They just can’t get it to stick. You know, and part of it is that I always like to say, you have to meet gratitude where gratitude is at and let gratitude meet you where you’re at. And if you’ve had a child, you’ve probably heard this advice, right? Or grandchild. That you really have to learn and practice and master gratitude on your own terms. And more often than that, that starts with like peeling away that emotional sludge on the inside. Because when that inside is that clogged drain, you know? You know, like when the drain is clogged, you bathroom sink and you’re brushing your teeth and you’ve got this spit. It’s floating on top.

Dr. Sharon Stills

Yes.

Holly Bertone, PMP, CHNP

And then there’s like a piece of food from last night’s dinner that comes unlodged from your tooth. And then there’s like a piece of gunk that kind of pops up from the pipe. And then you’ve got this like pool of water from the clogged sink and all this like crap going on. Right? Like, that’s kinda sometimes what we’re dealing with with this emotional sludge. Like I’m trying to be graphic for a reason. Right?

Dr. Sharon Stills

I’m seeing it.

Holly Bertone, PMP, CHNP

I know. Right? Like we’ve all had those drains. But that’s kinda what that emotional sludge is like. And it’s really hard to be grateful when that’s still so heavy. Right? So you can do the things and do the things and do the things. And that’s great. And it’s a great start. But that’s why I see that the gratitude doesn’t stick because we still have that heaviness and that emotional sludge that we need to start, you know, kind of, you know, peeling away at over time.

Dr. Sharon Stills

Exactly. And I love what you said about the pencil, because you can really, you can walk with both. You can hold both. You can be feeling sad and then you can still hold gratitude. And I think what you were just saying makes so much sense. And it just makes me think getting it to stick, like really being honest with yourself about what. And not just going through the motions. I’m grateful for my body. I’m grateful for my house. I’m grateful for the sun. But like really stopping and really thinking about it. And if you can feel it and own it and let it saturate into your cells, then you’re starting to get somewhere and you’re really starting to get the benefits. And yeah, it’s not. No one should walk away from this conversation and feel like they should just, gratitude’s gonna change their life tomorrow. It is a process. And if you’re having-

Holly Bertone, PMP, CHNP

It’s a journey. Yeah.

Dr. Sharon Stills

If you’re having trouble with it, that’s why we have Holly on. She has a community to support you. And you mentioned the five stages of gratitude.

Holly Bertone, PMP, CHNP

These are my own personal five stages. This is just kind of what I’ve seen people go through. This is, what do you call it? It’s not like it’s a big science study or anything like that. But I start with the grumpy worrier, right? The one that gratitude kind of seems impossible. And then it’s the grateful yo-yo, right? Where it’s like one step forward, two steps back, right? Like, you know, you kinda get some traction. And then you’re like, oh, something bad happened. And then you get some traction. You’re like, oh, something bad happened. And then level three is the grateful thermostat. So like you’re starting to make progress. And you’re like super excited and you’re grateful. Like when you’re happy, you’re grateful. But then you let other people kind of dictate those emotions. Right? So, you know, the spouse comes home from work in a bad mood. And then all of a sudden you’re in a bad mood. 

And the gratitude just gets thrown out the window. Right? So it’s like, you try. It’s like close. It’s just not quite sticking. And then level four, I call steadfast with fortitude. And that’s really being, like really starting to feel that inner strength and the inner resilience. That, you know, the storms are all kind of happening. And you’re starting to just be that kind of that rock in the middle of the storm. And even though everything’s going on, you feel that just inner peace about you. And then level five is what I call the grateful warrior. And that’s when, you know, you kind of have that place, you’re in that place where the negative things happen in life, the storms happen in life. And you are grateful because you know there’s opportunities, you know there’s lessons, and you know that there’s gifts. And you know that all of this is happening for you and not to you. And you accept it. That this is a good thing, because better things are gonna happen.

Dr. Sharon Stills

I don’t care if there’s a science study or not on that. That’s brilliant! I love that. And so true. And as you were saying, I think that could be applied to changing your diet or getting into a healthy lifestyle. That is really the progression that we go through. So that was…

Holly Bertone, PMP, CHNP

Yeah. It’s just kind of a fun way that I help my, you know, the women in my community kind of understand that it’s a journey. Like you’re not gonna graduate and get a medal. And all of a sudden… You know, it’s just kind of, these are different stages. And it’s a lifelong process. And, you know, like I said, like when three years ago when Mama Fortitude died, like I was at a solid what I would consider a solid level four and I was down at level one, you know? But I had those tools to kind of, you know, pick myself up and kind of be like, okay, this is what you gotta do.

Dr. Sharon Stills

Exactly. And much better to drop down to a one than to falsely stay in a four or five and make yourself feel. Like we have to feel, as you said, we have to feel the feels.

Holly Bertone, PMP, CHNP

Yes.

Dr. Sharon Stills

So we’re talking about stages and we’re talking about menopause. And we haven’t spoke specifically about menopause. And in some way, that’s okay, because just because you’re perimenopausal or going through menopause or gone through menopause, you still are a human being. And menopause is just a transition to me. It’s this opportunity to really evaluate. And so maybe this is the time where you’re gonna, you’ve been grateful and you’re just gonna keep doing. You’re already a grateful warrior. Or maybe you’re realizing, wow, this is something I can really start to embrace and journey on. So what would you say about building fortitude during menopause? Do you have any tips for the ladies?

Holly Bertone, PMP, CHNP

And, you know, you kind of really hit it. I mean, I think it’s such an important time of our life. And like I said, I kinda went through this 39. So I’ve been in the middle of this for 12 years. But, you know, I think it’s such an important, you know, transition. The perimenopause, menopause. And it’s not just all of the stuff that our bodies are going through. Like I said, there’s all these life events that kind of happen at the same time. You know, and just looking at it from a holistic perspective that, you know, you’ve got all these changes and you’ve got all these life events. And, you know, you could look at it at the, you know, the 80% of the negative, or you could look at it at the 20% of the positive. Or you could like flip it, right? You could flip the script, as they say. And, you know, and start thinking, okay, what are the opportunities? What are the gifts? What are the lessons, right? How can I grow from this? And, you know, listening to your body and some of the stuff that it’s going through. 

And okay. You know, maybe I’m not treating myself the way I should be. Maybe I’m not eating the way I should be. Maybe I should be exercising more, changing up my exercise routine. Or maybe I should be… You know, the kids are going off to college. Maybe I should focus on my relationship with my spouse. Maybe I should focus my relationship with myself. Maybe I should not have everything around me make me happy. Maybe I should find what makes me happy, not based on the relationships that I have with my spouse or my kids that are now gone. Or maybe I have grandkids, and I’m now having a… Like there’s all these things that are going on at that time, right? These so many opportunities, right? To look at these transitions in our life to say, you know, this is a chance for me to learn and to grow. For us, my husband’s parents are 93 and 88, and we are dealing right now with hospice long-term care and then potentially with his dad. And then potentially putting his mother in a home if she can’t live independently when he goes. 

So, you know, we’re 55 and 51. So we’re like, okay, you know what? We don’t kinda wanna be in our 90 years old without a plan. So we’re doing all of our estate planning, right? So we spent this entire year taking care of our future, right? So I mean, what a gift, right? So we could kind of look at that situation. It has nothing to do with menopause. It just has to do with this time in our life. Right? So we could look at that as, oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Or be like, oh, hey, you know what? Let’s plan. Let’s make a game plan. Let’s take this opportunity and let’s learn and let’s grow from it. So, you know, those are the things that you can start to do is really just start reframing it. And start looking at those gifts and those opportunities. And be grateful for the changes and the transitions that happen during this time.

Dr. Sharon Stills

I love the word opportunity that you use. Because there’s always, just how you said it, there’s always an opportunity. And it really is just looking at it with different eyes. And I was thinking, so I’ve been in menopause, postmenopausal now for, I guess, six years already.

Holly Bertone, PMP, CHNP

Wow. Okay.

Dr. Sharon Stills

And I was thinking, oh, well, I’m grateful for sex without worrying about getting pregnant. I’m grateful for hormones that are just stable and don’t fluctuate with proper bioidentical replacement. I’m grateful for wisdom. Has anyone ever asked you, like, would you like to go back and be in high school or 20 again? And I think just like, no way! I love the wisdom that comes with aging. And although it’s all been great, I just, I wouldn’t trade the wisdom and the self-esteem and being content now that just happens over time. It’s a progression. And so there’s so many things to be grateful for about this time. Kids outta the house, freedom, grand babies. There’s so much good that happens in this time. And we are living as women. At least, back in the day, if you lived to 30, you lived a long life. And now 100 is very reasonable. I’m planning till 130. And so we’re spending so much of our life in menopause that it’s a good idea to take out your pens and start thinking about what you’re grateful for whether you’re going through the transition. Or even if you’re struggling, as Holly said, what are the opportunities? Who are you gonna find to guide you? What are you gonna change? There’s always something to find and grow that gratitude muscle. So where can women, where can I find you? Where can women find you? Tell us about your gratitude community.

Holly Bertone, PMP, CHNP

Yeah, absolutely. So the easiest place is www.pinkfortitude.com. And if you go to… Can I tell ’em about the quiz and the resources?

Dr. Sharon Stills

Yes. Yes, absolutely.

Holly Bertone, PMP, CHNP

Okay. So if you go to www.pinkfortitude.com, it’ll be there. But you can go to www.pinkfortitude.com/quiz. And it’s a free quiz you can take. It’s about two minutes long. And it basically will give you your gratitude personality. And based on your personality, you’ll be taken to a customized results page with resources for how you can get started with gratitude that’s based on your personality. ‘Cause remember I talked about meeting gratitude where it’s at and having gratitude meet you where you’re at? So, you know, rather than just a free gift for everyone, I wanted to make sure it’s kind of customized, you know, based on your gratitude personality.

Dr. Sharon Stills

I love that. I love that there are nuances to gratitude and that it’s really… I’m all about bioindividuality and treating the individual patient. So even in gratitude, you can break it down to what’s gonna serve your constitution best. So that’s beautiful. Well, I, for one, am very grateful for this conversation we just had.

Holly Bertone, PMP, CHNP

Likewise.

Dr. Sharon Stills

And for you being here.

Holly Bertone, PMP, CHNP

Thank you so much for having me. And I do, I look forward to connecting with everyone.

Dr. Sharon Stills

Yes. And just been a great, great, great talk and a wonderful thing that I hope all you listeners really listen to. And you’re gonna wanna listen to again, because it is a process. And gratitude can take you places that you might not have dreamed. And can really enhance your life and your transition, through menopause and beyond. And so figure out something you can be grateful for once we’re done here. And write it down and start your journey. And make sure you check out Holly’s quiz. Thank you.

Holly Bertone, PMP, CHNP

Thank you.