Miracle Mindset

JJ Virgin, CNS, BCHN, EP-C

Thank you for having me, Greg.

Greg Eckel, ND, LAc

You are welcome. I wanna start with a quote in your book and I think this is really gonna launch us for where I’d like to bring to our listeners and viewers here. I’m gonna quote you, “The women whom I love and admire for their strength and grace did not get that way because things worked out. They got that way because things went wrong and they handled it. They handled it in a thousand different ways on a thousand different days but they handled it. Those women are my superheroes.” I love that quote. It actually gives me chills as I read it. Let’s start there with your story because this was an event that really changed the trajectory of your life.

JJ Virgin, CNS, BCHN, EP-C

Yup, and here’s the thing, that is not my quote. That’s Elizabeth Gilbert’s quote.

Greg Eckel, ND, LAc

Oh, that’s Elizabeth Gilbert. Thank you.

JJ Virgin, CNS, BCHN, EP-C

It’s Eliza. I was looking and going, “Didn’t I cite her?” ’cause I was like, I wish it was mine.

Greg Eckel, ND, LAc

Yes, yes.

JJ Virgin, CNS, BCHN, EP-C

And I think that when you talk to the most successful people out there in the world… and to me, I define success that you can live life on your terms, hanging out with the people that you wanna hang out with, you know, doing the things you love to do and making a big dent in the universe. And when you really hang out with those people, there is one thing they have in common. They have gone through some stuff. Like they have gone through the trenches but instead of making them into a sour victim, they became this resilient person who now can just handle more and more and more things and I think that really is, like, if you look at the most successful people, they can just handle more stuff. Right?

Greg Eckel, ND, LAc

Yeah.

JJ Virgin, CNS, BCHN, EP-C

They just get back up. You know that song, “I get knocked down and I get up again.” And it is that ability to hold the vision, not the circumstance, to look at the situation going on and instead of going into the, like, dark hole of oh my gosh, of looking at like… and in the moment, Greg, I can say, in the moment, first, you might go into the hole but you gotta then at least crawl out and go, “Okay, you know, what’s the vision here? Where am I going?”

Greg Eckel, ND, LAc

You know, it is life, right? Nobody gets outta here alive and that component between what sets greatness up versus victimhood, you found some secrets, you’re sharing some secrets and just even through your own life, I mean, for making a large impact and leadership, et cetera, how did that happen for you? Like what… give us the trajectory here.

JJ Virgin, CNS, BCHN, EP-C

This is the craziest thing and it’s not in the book. Because in the book, so many people, as I went through this experience in the book chronicles, what happened when my 16-year-old son was literally hit by a car crossing the street and left for dead in the street and how I and how my family, how we all had to show up and really hold that vision of him surviving something when he was… he was dead on the street and then, you know, resuscitated, had the near death experience multiple times, the doctors telling us to let him die and how we showed up for that and everything else, right? Which I think it’s so important because it’s how you show up in life that makes all of the difference. So that was the situation that I was going through and at the same time that situation’s going on, I’m a single mom, I’m the financial support for my kids. I have two kids, they’re 15 and 16. Now, one’s in the ICU in a coma and I had invested everything and borrowed to launch my first New York Times bestseller, “The Virgin Diet” and it was coming out and the book launch was starting in a month. I launched that book bedside with my son in a coma. 

And what’s important about that is I had to show up for my son, obviously, I’m not going anywhere, I’m gonna stay with him. But I also knew that in order for me to be able to fulfill the vision I was holding for him, of him being better than before the accident, that this book had to go because a lot of the things that I was going to want to do were not covered by insurance, right? And so I had to show up for both of those things at once and, you know, people would go, “How did you do that?” And I go, “I don’t know. I don’t know, it was just in me.” 

And after I write this whole book and talk about the different things I did to be able to make it through that, which by the way, hint, are all mindset, they’re available to everybody which is what’s so exciting. It isn’t like, “Oh, you have to be six-foot tall to do this,” or “Have an IQ of this,” or… no, it’s all mindset. I’m sitting doing interview and they’re like, “Whoa, where did you learn that?” and I’m like, “Oh, it’s just in me.” And then I went, “Wait a minute. No, it wasn’t.” When I was 30, I had a mentor and she actually future paced me. She was a client of mine when I was a personal trainer and nutritionist. And she said, “You know, when you’re 30, you’re gonna start caring about money.” ‘Cause I was in my twenties, she goes, “Why are you in graduate school? Why are you in doctoral school?” And I go, “I wanna impact and help more people.” And she goes, “Well, I can teach you how to make more money.” And I’m like, “It’s not about the money.” And, you know, then you have kids and you’re like, well, you gotta feed your kids so money definitely matters here. And so she sent me… she basically, at the age of 30, which is when she said I’d start worrying about this and caring about it. 

She said, “I will show you how to make money and be successful.” And I go, “Awesome.” So I sold my company in LA, I dropped out of my PhD program and I moved into her house in Fort Lauderdale. I’m not sure that really was what she had in mind. What are you gonna do when someone drives up with all their stuff like the Clampetts just came? And for the first six months, she did not teach me one thing about being more successful in business like the strategies. And I think that’s important to note because the strategies, whether they’re for business or health, they’re everywhere. There’s no shortage of strategies. But if your mindset isn’t right, you’ll never, ever, you might be able to short term be successful at a strategy but you’ll never keep it for a long term. So she literally, for six months, just worked with me on mindset. 

And, you know, I was like, at first, going, “I’ve gotta make more money. What are you doing? I just sold my company, blah, blah, blah.” But that is what… You know, I get chills now because I realize, like, my son is alive because of what she taught me when I was 30. Like, you know, you have no idea when you are imparting knowledge to someone or helping someone, the ripple effect that that might have, like, the changes that happen because of the way she taught me to look at things, to not look at the fact when the doctor said he had a .0125% chance of making it as a bad thing as just looking at that like my other son said at the time, he goes, “We’ll take those odds, it’s not zero.” It’s just knowing we just needed a glimmer. We just needed that little sliver of hope to be able to work, to know that I kept that future self held so tight and painted that vision for him so he would be there with me, of him 110%, of what his life was gonna look like, of who he was gonna become so he just was there. Like, you know, he acted as if that’s where he became, that’s what his whole biology shifted to, right? And so, you know, these are lessons that are totally learnable and for some reason, they’re also so ignored, right?

Greg Eckel, ND, LAc

They are. You know, so talk to us about what is that specific process of future pacing because some folks may have not been introduced to this.

JJ Virgin, CNS, BCHN, EP-C

I think it’s really simple. You know, like, you can go through the whole, like, let’s get into a meditation, put ourself there and feel the emotion. And it’s obviously really important to feel that emotion, et cetera but for me, what I did there was I just created the world where Grant was 110%. Now I remember back when I was first pregnant, I had saw my world with two boys. It was when I first… I was pregnant with one boy and I saw two little blonde boys right in a row. I, like, visioned everything going on and what was so funny was I give birth to Grant and a couple months later I’m like, “I don’t feel good.” You know, “What is going on?” I went to the doctor, I think I have postpartum, maybe I have the flu. No, I was pregnant. And honestly, I was breastfeeding, like, there was no reason. I think there was, like, one-time sex, you know what I mean? There was no reason that that should have happened and yet it was, like, such a manifestation, right?

Greg Eckel, ND, LAc

Wow. 

JJ Virgin, CNS, BCHN, EP-C

So I had everything there in my vision and that’s what I think is important in future self is you act as if, you feel as if. Like, if I’m seeing Grant as 110% and I will tell you, Greg, anytime in the hospital and there was nothing in the hospital to indicate he was ever gonna get out of the hospital. Nothing, like, and in fact, I remember the doctor said, “When he comes out of the coma, it will be ugly.” And I thought, like, I thought it meant he would, like, yell for a minute, I didn’t realize he’d be ugly for years. I didn’t realize that when he first opened his eyes, he would stare off into space, make no eye contact, look to the side and just move. The only thing that was movable because, you know, his legs were in a cast, one arm was in a cast and he just move one arm back and forth, back and forth all day long and you’re like, right? ‘Cause you don’t have a crystal wand, you don’t have a thing, anything saying “Hey, this is gonna be fine in a couple years.” So I just had to keep holding that vision and I would not let it and it would try, you know, that little creepy thing of what if. I was like, “Stop.” “No what ifs.” Just hold that… get that vision so clear and be there with that vision and talk about the vision, make it real. You know, I told all the doctors about it, all the doctors thought I was crazy, you know.

Greg Eckel, ND, LAc

Yeah.

JJ Virgin, CNS, BCHN, EP-C

One of them came into the hospital and Grant… You know, when you have a son with a torn aorta that kills 90% of the people right on the scene and, you know, very few people survived a torn aorta, just that. That was what Princess Diana died from and the doctor telling us it was gonna rupture in the next 24 hours and just to make peace with it. You know, that was step one. It’s like, get that thing fixed and which is difficult to do when your brain bleeds, it’s a very specialized surgery. Once he was through that then he’s in a deep coma and we don’t know if he’s waking up from that. Well, that’s the next thing that you gotta get through because, you know, if you don’t, they’re gonna die in a coma, they’re gonna wither away. Once we got through that, it was so interesting ’cause, you know, when you have kids, like, they get a little cut and you freak out. Well, now he’s got 13 fractures of brain, multiple brain bleeds. And I’m thinking, “Crushed heel, big deal.” Right?

Greg Eckel, ND, LAc

Right.

JJ Virgin, CNS, BCHN, EP-C

But what I didn’t know was a crushed heel is a big deal. And it’s a life changing injury in that, like, you may never be able to walk again. And I remember the orthopedic surgeon standing in the room, surrounding his bed and here he is, like, lying there and he’s got his heel and it’s an open wound with big… it looks like nails sticking out of it. It looked like a Frankenstein thing and they’re telling me… and they’re trying to hang his legs so this can heal and it won’t heal and they’re telling me all the bad things about it and I’m like… and this was years ago so it will make sense. Right now, it wouldn’t make sense anywhere to say, “Hey, imagine Kobe Bryant’s here.” But I said, “Imagine Kobe Bryant’s in that bed, would you be telling him that you’re just trying to get him to walk again? I don’t think so.” Like you’ve gotta hold the vision of him being an athlete ’cause he is and he’s gonna be out running and they’re like,

Greg Eckel, ND, LAc

Right.

JJ Virgin, CNS, BCHN, EP-C

“Okay, crazy lady.” But he is, he is running, you know, lifting weights, doing all sorts of sports because I wouldn’t hold the vision of him hobbling around. Now here’s the thing, I also thought, “All right, I’m gonna hold this vision of him better than before the accident 110%.” Because I’d rather fall short of that than say, “Hey, I hope he’s alive.” You know, and get this vision of him at 30%. I’m like, “I’d rather drop from 110% to 90 than, you know, just pray for him to be alive and he’s lying in a bed all day long.” So, you know, and I also recognized that you have to do everything you can, starting with the vision and then moving your feet to what you can do to make it happen. And I had something I loved early on, an audio tape I used to listen to that said, “It’s not the how, it’s the why.” And that once you got so clear on the why, that future vision, et cetera, the how shows up and it’s true. It just kept showing up. You know, and some things worked and some things didn’t, I just kept stepping up to bat, right?

Greg Eckel, ND, LAc

That’s fierce. You know, and a mother’s fierceness for her child. And it’s as if we need that for our own selves and for our life. You know, for doing that and creating and having that warrior-like attitude of, like, you know, this, may it be so, right? Our thoughts create, you know, the energy flow that then creates reality. That’s why I really wanted this conversation as part of this summit for folks to, one, meet you but also the inspiration of that and your fierceness comes through so well. And your boy is a testament of what is possible, right? Because you wouldn’t give up. I mean, you know, that picture in the hospital with the doctors and, you know, the official vision of saying, “No, that’s not possible.” And you’re just saying, “No. Like, get on board. This is how it’s going to be.” Even in light of really no inkling of it.

JJ Virgin, CNS, BCHN, EP-C

Right.

Greg Eckel, ND, LAc

I mean, so that is what is asked of us in this reality of… You know, we’re either going to do that or it will, you know, overcome us. Where do you think the resiliency came from? I mean, there’s the mother component is huge, right? The mama bear and protector and, you know, this is what we’re doing but I mean, it would’ve been… really the deck was stacked against you. I mean, that’s a-

JJ Virgin, CNS, BCHN, EP-C

It was. It would’ve been the easy choice and actually the recommended choice was to let him go. The doctor who ran the trauma center in Desert Hospital in Palm Springs was so angry at us that we overruled him. He was like… You know, we got the chart afterwards ’cause we did a docu-series on it. And he was so angry at us and I’m like going, “Dude, you told us he was gonna die in the next 24 hours. So why wouldn’t, like… There’s no risk. There’s no risk here.” Right? I’m like, “Are you kidding? Aren’t you a parent? Would you ever, like, stop until you’ve exhausted everything?” And I also knew that his brain stem wasn’t gone, right? That he still had brain neck, so, you know, you can look at this and go make a lot of smart decisions. And I just thought, you know, “If I just don’t fight, like, how would you ever live with yourself? How would you ever be able to have any peace knowing that you didn’t do everything in your power to save your child or to save someone you loved about or to save someone, you know, in any way?” Right?

Greg Eckel, ND, LAc

Yeah.

JJ Virgin, CNS, BCHN, EP-C

You know, I don’t really see the difference and I’ll tell you, I believe that we all have this amazing resilience in us and that the reality is we are never better than when we are challenged, it’s when our greatness shows up and that we just often… So many people said to me, “I could never do what you did.” And I said, “Absolutely, you probably could do even more than what I did but you don’t know, you haven’t been tested.” And we get little tests all the way along and, you know, we get resentful and angry about them, when the reality is, those are all… it’s like you taking your mindset to the gym, right? You know, you wouldn’t go to the gym and go, “You know what, I’m gonna go to the gym today and I think what I’m just gonna do is lift the three pound weights and then I’m just gonna sit on one of the benches and read my email.” Like, why would you do that? It wouldn’t do anything for you. 

You gotta push and make it hard and, you know, hurt a little bit because then you get stronger and it’s the same with any of this stuff. You go through these challenging things and as long as you don’t, like, let it make you bitter, which is your decision, right? It’s your decision if this is gonna make you better or not. And as long as you don’t do that and you learn from it then you’re gonna get stronger and stronger and more resilient. And I had a woman write to me when I wrote the book and she said, “Oh sure, it’s easy for you, your son lived.” And all the while I was writing this book, what they didn’t tell me on the, “Oh, it’s gonna be ugly,” was that people who have traumatic brain injuries, the suicide rate, the depression rate is so high. And multiple times, he tried to kill himself during this time. What I never knew writing the book was if he was going to be there when the book came out. Didn’t know. And it wasn’t a book about Grant and his health journey, it was about our family and what we had to do to go through this, whether he lived or died.

Greg Eckel, ND, LAc

Right. So that component of the… I mean, it impacted everyone in the unit, in the community and the surrounding components that, you know, we’ve got resiliency as a backbone but there’s all of those layers that continue to this day, right? So the lessons learned where you had this kind of mentor in your 30s that really set you up for this life event. What other kind of secrets can you share with us on the life journey here of JJ and just in the family learning of other mindset components that play a role here? We’ve got the future pacing and the vision of really holding tried and true of the why, that’s a clear why in this scenario. What other things bubble up here?

JJ Virgin, CNS, BCHN, EP-C

Well, one bubbled up with just what you were saying and it is that… and I think it’s especially relevant over the last two years, Grant is alive and I am sane because of the community. You know, you go back 1000, 2000, 10,000 years, we are meant to be in community, we are meant to support each other. Women would go through childbirth, they would have that group of women supporting them. We are supposed to be supporting each other, asking for help, getting help. And in fact, if you look at what happens with people’s mental health, like, when they’re able to help other people, it’s enormous for their self-esteem, for their self-worth, for their happiness. So it was really interesting going through this because I had always been kind of an island and I never asked for… I was very loved giving help but did not wanna be dependent on anyone, need anything, be reliant on anyone, owe anyone anything, right? And this happens and I’m like, it’s very different when it’s your kid. And I just put the SOS out. 

In fact, I sent an email to my whole community and I said, “I’m not looking for your sympathy, I am looking for your support. Anything that you’ve got, any ideas that you have, send them my way.” And it was wild how people showed up. What was wild, Greg, was who showed up and who didn’t. And what I found at first was some of my closest friends didn’t show up. And at first, I was focusing on who wasn’t showing up instead of the fact that people who I didn’t even know were traveling hours to pray for him. Like, how wild? You know, people showed up and some people didn’t and it was all perfect because what I realized after, the fact is, you know, we all have different capacities and capabilities. 

And for some people, there’s just too much PTSD or something or a trauma that they’ve got, that they can’t go there yet with this thing, and for some people, this is enormously healing for them to be helpful and, you know, the right people will show up for them and for you. And it was, like, crazy for me at first to go, “Why am I focusing on, like, you know, who’s not, like, what is that? Like, stop that,” you know, and getting resentful and I was like, “That is so ridiculous.” And after the fact that I’ve had friends say, “Gosh, I don’t know where I was during that time. What was I doing?” And I go, “You know, it just, like, wasn’t what you were supposed to be doing, that’s all.”

Greg Eckel, ND, LAc

It’s really… That is so fascinating ’cause that does come up. I’ve had that similar situation in my life of just being surprised at the kindness of strangers and really how we are all connected. Like, putting it out there, you’re very vulnerable and to receive, you know, you have to put yourself, you know, kinda get over your own stuff, right?

JJ Virgin, CNS, BCHN, EP-C

Right.

Greg Eckel, ND, LAc

Like, I can just do it myself. And just a blown away at support when you ask for it, right? That component of just asking for it is pretty remarkable. You know, this couched in a Bioenergetics Summit, JJ. How do you utilize bioenergetics in your day-to-day? I mean, this, you know, this is all in that realm but I’m wondering, was that in your consciousness during that time or are you growing more in that realm?

JJ Virgin, CNS, BCHN, EP-C

So I would not have known the terms but the reality is I think that if you look at people again and you know how I define success now, if you look at successful people, healthy people, this is in their life whether they know the terminology for it or not, right? Because when you really look at it, you have to be able to do that future pacing. You know, what I was taught early on is that there are no limitations, the only limitations are limitations in your mind which is a super bioenergetic statement. And one that… when they first said it to me, I was like, “That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard, of course there are limitations.” Right?

Greg Eckel, ND, LAc

Right.

JJ Virgin, CNS, BCHN, EP-C

You know, and then you just start to look at all of these things that happen in life and you go, “Well, there’s clearly something else going on.” You know, just that ability to put yourself into a different state and to change your emotions. I mean, everything, when you start to look at it, you go, “Oh, that’s what that is.” You just didn’t… Most of us don’t have the terms for it. So, you know, they call it law of attraction or, you know, “I’m going to meditate or pray.” But the reality of all of that is that shifting that your biology, right, and it’s shifting you into a state of gratitude and it’s shifting you into a state of receivership and that is changing your field.

Greg Eckel, ND, LAc

You wrote about 7 Secrets so I’m wondering if you will share one more of… You know, I like to end the interviews with putting people into an action state of something that they can work on or take action on for, kind of on this miracle mindset front.

JJ Virgin, CNS, BCHN, EP-C

All right. Gotcha. I was like going on, I wanna do this one, that one, this one. Here’s the one I will do because this is one that’s super actionable and it brought up so much stuff for people when I talked about it and Dave asked me to think for this one. So I went to 40 Years of Zen with Dave, he made me, bullied me into it. And I didn’t know what I was going to and turns out what it is, is it’s a neurofeedback but the way it’s done is you do forgiveness protocols and the machine can actually tell if you’re actually forgiving the person or not. Right? And I’m like, “Oh wow, okay, no cheating here.” Which is awesome because, you know, when you are in this forgiveness state, it’s raising your alpha and your creativity and all this stuff. Of course, I’m trying to do everything I can to not do that but you, finally at some point, succumb after seven days. And he had a very specific way that you walk through forgiveness and you walk through forgiveness by really, and I detail this in the book so I’m probably gonna blow it a little bit, but, you know, first, you identify that person who wronged you. Right? 

And you have that person you wronged and then you know why they wronged you and you set up like a judge and you set up a place where you’re doing this. For some reason, I don’t know why I, like, decided that Aslan from, like, “The Chronicles of Narnia” was gonna be the judge. You know, I’m out in, like, a Greek Acropolis and we’re going through it and you go out there and you just lay into the guilty person as to everything they’ve done to wrong you and you just get it out and while you’re doing it with this headset on, the tones, it’s giving you musical feedback that’s like, “Wah!” You know, and you can tell you’re emotional and getting all this stuff out and you just keep going till you’ve left it all on the floor, right? Then you have to then step into your accuser’s body as if and explain why this happened. And what that means is all of a sudden, you have to get super empathetic. You know, why did they do this? 

Because, and you hear this so often, you know, that person cuts you off and you’re dissing, you’re yelling at them but they were racing to the hospital because their family member was dying, right, and you’re sitting here angry ’cause they cut you off at a light. So you have to go and just really kick the empathy up and then you go to the judge, who’s gonna listen to this whole thing and, you know, figure out what to do and you’ve… it really, ultimately is so that you then come back and forgive them. And the judge kinda decides if you really did it or not and if not, you go back and do it again. But what really happens as you start to go through this is that you see everybody’s humanity, you realize that you have your story and they have their story too. You know, it was one of the things that my mentor taught me early on and it was another one that I had so much trouble with. She’s like, “There is no right or wrong, there just is.” I’m like, “Of course there’s right or wrong. You know, of course there is and I’m right.” 

But, you know, you look at all this and what really happened when I started to unpack this forgiveness stuff and, you know, an example would be that night Grant got hit by a car, he was mad at me and stormed out of the house because I wouldn’t let him go to karate and I’m like, “Why the hell didn’t I just let him go to karate?” You know, like, “Lah, lah, lah.” And so, you know, first, I had to forgive the woman who hit him and then I had to forgive him for stomping out and then… but the ultimate one was I had to forgive myself and all that guilt of all those years that I was, like, lugging around that wasn’t helping anyone, certainly wasn’t helping me and certainly wasn’t helping my, you know, my field, right? So that’s what ultimately happens as we start to look at forgiveness which is really interesting and I had people say to me, “Well, I’m not gonna call that person and forgive them.” I go, “This isn’t you calling a person and forgiving them, this is you releasing them and blessing them on their path and, you know, loving them. 

And that is it. No phone call needed there but as long as you’re so angry and holding a grudge and I’m willing to bet that you don’t even register on their screen, right? But you’re sitting over here, stewing and it’s killing you, it’s destroying your cells, it’s changing your physiology, it’s messing with your joy every day so, you know, this is for you, not for them, ultimately.” And it’s such a powerful thing. And again, I walked through that whole process in “Warrior Mom” and it is just one of those things that we don’t think about and I’ll check in ’cause if I’ve got a lot of energy around someone, I need to go through it. And sometimes, I can’t go through it right away. Right?

Greg Eckel, ND, LAc

Sure.

JJ Virgin, CNS, BCHN, EP-C

You know, but a lot of times I’ll start to check in on that energy and I go, ultimately, I’m irritated with them but I’m irritated more with me and the way I bend with them that it really comes through, right? So I think this one is one that you can just start to look and go, “To what do I have a charge around? Who do I have a charge around? What do I need to do some work on?” Because it’s impacting you, right? Again, it’s probably not hurting them.

Greg Eckel, ND, LAc

So true. Thank you so much, JJ, for the interview and the wisdom and your fierce heart. You know, thank you so much.

JJ Virgin, CNS, BCHN, EP-C

Aw, thank you for including me.