Full Transcript Book Announcement and ACEs Introduction 0:16 Hey, you guys, it's me, Dr. 0:17 Tori. 0:18 My book is officially out. 0:21 And yes, It is time to talk about ACEs. 0:23 You guys can find the books everywhere. 0:25 However, I would encourage you, guys to go to my website, bevictorious.com and place your order today. 0:32 Yes. 0:33 It's time. 0:33 To talk. 0:34 About ACE's. 0:35 Let's go, y'all. 0:36 Hello, hello, how are you guys? 0:41 Welcome to another episode of Be Victorious. 0:44 Now let me share. 0:48 We are at episode 100 and I actually had someone that volunteered because I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do for the 100th episode. 0:58 Seriously, this is a huge milestone for me. 1:02 You all know that I started this journey, thought that i was on this ACES journey on my own and here we are Episode 100. And I have a huge surprise. 1:12 Nobody knows. 1:13 But when I tell you, this is everything to me, when i mean everything, This is EVERYTHING to ME. 1:19 I'm not going to introduce this person. 1:21 i'm going let THIS person introduce themselves.
Episode 100 Celebration and Brother Introduction 1:25 My favorite person in the whole wide world. 1:27 my best friend since birth. 1:29 Where are you? 1:32 You know where I am. 1:32 Faux Fals. 1:34 What's up? 1:34 My sister, how you doing? 1:37 Welcome to the 100th episode, brother. 1:39 Hey, I'm glad. 1:40 I appreciate it. 1:41 Thank you for having me. 1:43 Only for you. 1:45 And I appreciated that. 1:46 So for those who don't know, when I share my story, it's hard to share story without talking about my brother, my Brother has been my best friend since birth. 1:55 We grew up I grew up as the only girl, but I'm a middle child. 2:00 So being the first for my family to graduate from high school was a big deal. 2:04 But everybody that knows me always wants to know why. 2:08 Well, it's hard to talk about it because I love my brother so much. 2:11 I don't get a chance to and watched you go through some things that I just didn't care too much at all. 2:21 But what I love is that at the end of the day, you learned. 2:25 Big sister became big sister. 2:31 And here we are. 2:34 You are a psycho breaker. 2:38 Appreciate it. 2:42 Keep that on the low, you know? 2:43 You know, but, uh. 2:45 But, what? 2:47 Two baby girls. 2:48 What the fuck is that? 2:51 Uh. 2:51 How you feel about that. 2:53 Uh, the same. 2:56 You don't change. 2:58 I'm still the the person. 3:00 Well, You got to think about it, Dean. 3:01 We grew up in a society that normalized the stuff that we experienced and we went through. 3:07 Right. 3:08 One of the things that I love about your family, my nieces, and my nephew is that they broke the generational cycle. 3:17 That was the main purpose. 3:19 The number one goal of nothing else. 3:23 Not gonna live like I live, not gonna grow up like how I grew up, I'm not going to think after all, and I can conduct yourself like, 3:29 how can I conduct myself at once upon a time? 3:31 And that's just it. 3:34 You guys gotta understand, this is Big Brother. 3:37 And I know for a fact that he had the opportunity to But guess what, you broke the cycle. 3:46 Oh, he knows the funny part. 3:48 We laid one of my main partners to rest. 3:52 Yeah, this past Friday was piece of court is going to my boy, my Everybody from, you know, I went to school with everybody, 4:02 everybody's people who I've seen. 4:03 I haven't seen in a long time. 4:05 Listen to me though, so a lot of people I didn't remember and I normally do not forget nobody. 4:11 You know what I'm talking about? 4:12 We used to get in trouble with an ex-YZ and you remember? 4:16 And I don't forget anybody, but I forgot a lotta people. 4:21 The gray, we had a gray hair competition. 4:29 No, everybody else, I wasn't even in the ballpark, but it was good to see everybody. 4:36 It was just kind of bittersweet, because I wish I could have walked across the stage and carried that on.
Family History and Breaking Generational Cycles 4:47 But at the same time, everyone had different directions and different travels, and I don't regret not one bit. 4:53 I do. 4:58 But it's not to regret about it. 5:00 Once you once you make your mind up and you making decisions You got to live with and make the boss of it and that's what I did That's it But guess who's 5:10 been the number one driving force behind me being who I am today. 5:13 Who's that? 5:15 Raise your hand Well, my thing is this too, you know you had it wasn't hard to Inspire you And you honestly inspire me to be who I am today. 5:31 You know, it's kind of like a give, give or take, you know. 5:36 There's a lot of things you got to do that I try to make sure that passed on to my children. 5:43 And that's because I knew I couldn't say, well, I did this when I went to school, because a lotta times they'd look at you like, 5:50 how you gonna tell me if you didn't? 5:51 But I know somebody real close But at the same time, just because I didn't doesn't mean that I can't strongly suggest. 6:00 You might wanna hold on to that and at least get that part of life. 6:07 The education is very important. 6:09 And I appreciate that. 6:11 I think what I love is when we did the book signing in Kansas City, of course, Family Show. 6:18 What I loved was that, you know, Olivia said, hey, ever since, we've been in this book, We've Been Talking About the Book as a Family. 6:26 Like, really understanding our aces. 6:33 And I think that's the humbling thing, is that y'all took the book and used it to. 6:39 Right. 6:40 I'm sorry, and there's nothing just like, we already not necessarily knew that we had ACES, but what us dealing with the tragedies before and household 6:53 issues that once you brought the books under the dress, We ain't had no choice because we've been looking for help. 7:01 Looking for something to lean on, something read, to take from. 7:05 You provided that for us and I appreciate you, me and my family, trust me. 7:08 Thank you. 7:09 I think that was the humbling thing because, again, as the listeners are listening, it's one thing to talk about it and it is one to live it, 7:18 and to hear both my niece and nephew say, hey, Auntie, your book is decent in their terms. 7:27 That's a big deal, because that's really who it's for. 7:30 We really want generational curses. 7:33 Our parents, not to say that they're bad, but their experiences are their experience. 7:40 They're not for us. 7:42 But when I look over my life, and I'll look some of the decisions that I made, it was because, again, my parents made decisions. 7:50 And it like, well, I did this, so you have to do it too. 7:52 Well, we're living in a society where we do those things. 7:56 We don't have to say, OK, well, this happened, so this is supposed to happen. 8:01 No. 8:02 At the end of the day, when I think about the decisions that were made, our parents made decisions when they were 15 or 16 years old. 8:09 Wow. 8:10 And I'd think that every day. 8:12 Yeah. 8:13 I couldn't imagine having to make those decisions at that age. 8:18 But I remember what I was doing at 15, 16, and 17. Man. 8:24 Okay. 8:25 So when you put it in that term, when I share, you know, and, I love my daddy to death. 8:33 You know I do, but that was one thing that he was like, oh, 16 years old, going to the military. 8:40 Going to military, Vietnam. 8:42 From the Vietnam, so you have to look about that transition. 8:46 Vietnam 16-years-old, your brain ain't even developed. 8:52 Dad trauma. 8:55 And then, again, in the book, I think the family was just so, oh, well, you told our story. 9:02 I really didn't tell the story, and I didn' even get into the meat and potato. 9:07 So I just wanted to give people some understanding. 9:09 Let no parent go to Vietnam War at the age of 16 years old. 9:17 That's called what we call in 2025, post-traumatic stress disorder and child abuse. 9:25 And that's the truth. 9:26 And then let's be clear, I had to put in there for the record, he lost his mom too. 9:31 So you had a think about it. 9:33 Thank you. 9:34 This function is real. 9:36 Think about. 9:39 It is not. 9:40 I think the thing with our family that I love is that, no, we don't want to talk about, but we're like every other family. 9:47 That's out there. 9:49 This is one and three, which means we all have it, period. 9:53 Because if you don't, you know somebody that does. 9:55 And if don' know someone that you do now, because you're watching this. 9:58 You do it now. 9:59 I'm with you, sister. 10:01 So you have to understand, it's nothing wrong with having ACEs. 10:05 Now that we know what it is, and we can identify what is is. 10:08 We can build that bridge and address it. 10:13 D, You're doing it? 10:15 I'll try. 10:16 That's it to try Is motivated by your grandkids your kids what's your what your motivation what you're inspiration behind I don't see my motivation is. 10:29 Long time ago when I was a kid dealing with issues, I always knew that I would live to a day that my day was going to come. 10:38 That's my motivation. 10:39 My day is going come and I live for that and work hard for it. 10:44 And I'm not necessarily saying that it's going be a big parade for me or I am going win the lottery and everything.
Healing, Motivation, and Personal Trauma 10:54 The day when my piece and every thing come together. 10:58 And that's my motivation. 11:02 And you are motivated to continue to be a cycle worker for your granddaughters? 11:08 I have no choice. 11:11 They're so sweet. 11:14 I refuse. 11:20 So what is it about ACEs that you like? 11:24 And what I mean, you have the awareness. 11:28 You know exactly what it is now. 11:30 What is that that like per se? 11:34 So meaning what part of the awareness helps in your healing journey? 11:44 In my healing journey, it's just been somebody who I can see eye to eye and I could talk to with an honest ear. 11:52 There's a lot of people so judgmental, the professionals, a lotta other professionals with the ABCs at the end of their names and the so-and-so's at beginning 12:02 of the names, and ABC's, to me, they don't listen. 12:07 They wake up, Let's try this. 12:13 Sometimes it's big. 12:14 A lot of times you can just look and you tell the whole story. 12:18 I do it every day. 12:24 From I work at the school where I deal with kids from 20 different countries around the world, from high here to low here, 12:33 refugees, everything. 12:37 Compassion. 12:41 You got it. 12:42 That's it, I pass. 12:43 I try to pass and pass it to every day. 12:46 What's your inspiration behind that? 12:51 Because again, i'm only asking the questions because your life could have been different. 12:57 Honestly, my inspiration is because I know there's gonna be a greater day I always believed that when I was younger and I wasn't on punishment When I'm 13:09 in the middle getting beat when i'm a little getting beaten up for the police I knew that Let me get to Mom, so I make it all on bi and that's it. 13:22 And that sort of even when, I want to my medical issues. 13:27 I kept on saying, let me get some water. 13:29 As long as I get water, I'm going to make it home and I'll be good. 13:32 And that's my inspiration. 13:35 That was it. 13:36 Do you want to go into details about that medical issue? 13:40 Not today, because I mean, you know, had an aneurysm. 13:43 The twice I passed. 13:45 God is good, he wasn't done with me yet. 13:50 Then I wasn' t take care of myself. 13:53 Take care yourself first. 13:55 first and that's it. 13:59 I'll just say God is good because I tell a lot of people my testimony about what I went through and they tell me how lucky and how blessed I am and I'm 14:12 coming to grasp of understanding but there's a lotta people who didn't tell because they didn' see or know somebody that just really went though what i 14:20 went to when they're not here to tell the story or even wish they could hug him or even say hello to him. 14:29 You know, so I'm very thankful, trust me, beyond. 14:34 So would you accept your title as a psycho worker? 14:38 Yes, I love it. 14:40 Okay, you should. 14:42 Like I always say, always I would never let nothing happen to somebody, somebody that happened to me. 14:53 especially somebody close to me from my children, anybody who I say just behind me, would I be behind those who follow me? 15:00 Those who are lead, those I prepared for, and so on. 15:06 We don't want them to go through what we went through. 15:08 At all. 15:09 And I never let anybody, especially any of mine, like I said, anyone who is lead or served, no. 15:17 Not on my watch. 15:18 Me neither. 15:19 And I think that was my motivation and inspiration for going, you know what I mean? 15:24 Yes, yes. 15:26 So I don't want people to go through what i went through, but I love our parents. 15:32 I do.I love my parents, I honor and respect my dad for who he is. 15:37 i respect him even more knowing growing up because I knew it was up like we look different, But the fact that he stood up and said, 15:46 yeah, I'm going to get this man my name. 15:48 You know what I mean? 15:49 I respect that. 15:49 I get that to him. 15:51 My dad loves you. 15:54 And I grew up thinking he was until things started doing some changing. 15:57 But at the end of the day, he's a stand-up man. 16:01 That's what, like I said. 16:04 A lot of... 16:06 I never going call him stepfather or have daddy or anything like that, my father, the man who raised me, He didn't ever, 16:17 he always held me up. 16:18 He did never, okay, I can come with y'all. 16:21 So, you know, hold my hand. 16:23 And he put, honestly he helped me higher than he held his own children. 16:29 Honestly. 16:31 You know that's why we kind of bump heads a lot now because he'd always help me on the higher. 16:37 I accept it now, but once I was younger I didn' understand what he was asking of me. 16:44 but I do now know now as a father, a cycle breaker as you say. 16:51 So would you stay? 16:53 And this isn't a question that's on there. 16:55 You have, we have two different fathers. 16:58 Right. 16:59 My father gave you his last name and I respect that to this day. 17:04 And you give your credit to my dad because my Dad did his thing. 17:10 Can you, is there a difference? 17:11 You know what I mean? 17:12 Because you do have a relationship with your father, correct? 17:16 With my biological father? 17:17 Yeah. 17:18 Yeah, but it's night and day. 17:21 It's like, me and my biologic father is more of a, we more like homeboys because when I met him, I was 21 and I'm grown,
Fatherhood, Accountability, and Cycle Breaking 17:28 so there's pretty much, man, already raised by this man. 17:35 all you can do is get to know me for who I am. 17:37 And if you like who am, hey, and if not, you know, I don't know. 17:43 Like I learned to move with or without. 17:46 Right. 17:48 But it's no hard feelings towards him, anything. 17:51 It's just once upon a time, like I said, he was another one who was a kid in an adult situation, who should have been in a kids situation or not being 18:04 looked at. 18:06 as a kid and voila. 18:09 That's what I'm saying. 18:10 Mm-hmm. 18:11 But guess what? 18:12 Yeah. 18:13 Cycle breakers got to stick together because of generational curses. 18:17 We don't want kids to go through what we experienced because the experiences that we went through are what call lived experiences. 18:27 Right. 18:27 Learned from them. 18:30 I tell people all the time, I know for a fact if my brother had the opportunity, he would have been the first to graduate from high school. 18:36 Trust me. 18:38 It's a heavy brag because the ones that know you know, you're very wise. 18:45 You're smart. 18:45 They don't know our story. 18:47 I can't tell my brother's story because that's his story to tell. 18:57 So what you hear is everything. 19:00 Because again, if people want to learn more about ACEs, they have to understand how much of an impact that it has on your childhood experiences. 19:10 Yes, it does. 19:11 Which is interesting. 19:14 You know, me breaking generational curses with Kermari and saying Karmari is the cycle breaker in our family. 19:21 Me and you both know my freshman year in college. 19:25 I was terrified. 19:26 I kicked it. 19:27 We was happy, but nobody told me that college wasn't for kicking it, you couldn't tell. 19:34 We was down there kicking it hard until I got that letter that said, uh-uh, baby, you on academic probation. 19:39 Academic probation? 19:41 I'm sorry. 19:42 I still to this day. 19:43 Uh-huh. 19:44 And I apologize, y'all, when I... 19:47 I didn't want you to come home. 19:49 My promise, I was like, man, everybody go to school, come on. 19:53 Everybody. 19:54 Mm-hmm. 19:54 Our promise. 19:57 That's another cycle breaker. 19:58 You know, a lot of kids from our community, they go school ill prepared, even though They think they're prepared because you graduated, 20:08 you got a little stuff from Target or whatever, and felt your dorm up. 20:14 But going off to school was mentally, physically, responsibly, because a lot of, like they say, down there in a bunch of kids who put their pens, 20:27 their parents just dropped them off. 20:30 And then get down and waste their time, they money, ruin their credit. 20:35 Go to jail. 20:38 And that's what made me become a mentor. 20:42 Because I was not going to let anybody else go through this, not at all. 20:46 And I'm glad that I took those steps, but I am so glad I always had you to have my back. 20:52 So for those words. 20:53 Oh, when I talk about when, I went on my journey for my book launch last year, my brother was the caterer, so he was, the person that came through. 21:01 He comes through all the time for me, let's be clear. 21:04 But to this day, The Kansas City one, it was like, man, who made this? 21:07 That was good. 21:09 Who did this. 21:10 That My brother has always, when I think about the events that I planned when i was in college, he was there. 21:18 When I had the event in Chicago, we were there, and when we had events, talking about community, my brother had always been a huge instrumental part of 21:28 my community. 21:29 So again, for me to have to share the story and tell people I'm a first generation graduate for the ones that know my family, 21:36 I've always had a brother. 21:38 I love you. 21:39 You've always been my huge motivation and inspiration, and to have you here for this 100th episode is amazing. 21:46 Thank you, sister. 21:48 What do you want from your sister? 21:49 To keep on living and keep chugging and doing what you're doing. 21:53 Let me see you put your dupes up. 21:56 Put your dopes up! 21:57 Oh, I can't! 21:58 But see, that's the thing. 21:59 And we can talk about this. 22:01 They don't know me as Dr. 22:03 Tori. 22:04 Right. 22:04 Oh! 22:04 They all know! 22:08 Then I can't because I don't want them to see me like this. 22:14 They don' know. 22:14 I'll be trying to tell people I used to get down. 22:16 Nice to be a banger, but you guys got to understand when you're choosing a different lifestyle when he had people to say, 22:22 no, I did this for you. 22:23 You don''t have to do it. 22:24 That was my brother. 22:24 He's right. 22:26 Uh-uh, uh-huh. 22:27 And I got away with a lot of stuff because Dee was the one that took the sacrifice for me in order to be the person who I am. 22:34 So you have to understand how big of a deal this is for you to to share. 22:40 It wasn't easy growing up. 22:43 The fact that I'm the first, it's a brag, but you gotta understand I was first because I had somebody that was supposed to first that had my back. 22:53 Always. 22:57 Don't matter. 22:58 Whatever you're going to do first, I got you. 23:00 I'll always have you back and always support you in every endeavor I have for you, so you know, you don't never have to worry about me. 23:09 So yes to the cycle breaking? 23:11 Yes. 23:12 Yes to ACES? 23:15 And so if you needed to talk to people and tell them, because you talk about your sister like crazy, but if have one thing to someone that's beginning 23:25 their healing journey, What would it be? 23:29 Honestly, I'll tell them, you have to be honest with yourself. 23:35 Write down the issues that you need to address, because everybody's so quick to, well, when I see them I'm going to say this and that and this, 23:44 and you don't ever get to express how you really feel. 23:48 Take your time. 23:50 Find somebody professional. 23:54 Yes, that's because, like I said, they... 23:58 They stereotype that in the community, though. 24:00 People don't want to go to therapy. 24:02 Well, believe it or not, you need somebody. 24:08 A lot of times... 24:09 Even a lot times, not necessarily talking to a professional, just to even talk to an administrator from the school, a teacher,
Closing Reflections and Episode Wrap-Up 24:25 I wasn't good at listening to my parents at all, but somebody around the corner, my OK, I got it. 24:35 I think it's household dysfunction, though. 24:38 You know what I mean? 24:38 It's kind of like that. 24:40 And I'm sure you're not alone with that, because that's everybody. 24:43 Yeah, you have to think about it from my perspective. 24:46 If I can say something to my kids, and it sounds like somebody else, then listen to them. 24:53 They came on with the Declaration of Independence, like I told you two weeks ago. 24:57 So you've got to understand, generational. 25:03 I think that's the reason why we're here to address generational cycles and do what we are doing. 25:11 You get laid out a great example because I'm telling you, if I tell the girls all the time, I say something, they'll be like, 25:19 no it ain't. 25:20 So go find them. 25:23 Go ahead and find it yourself. 25:24 And then when they find out, it's like, well, did y'all find that? 25:27 Yeah, such as such. 25:28 Well, you're welcome. 25:29 Thank you. 25:30 It's not like I want to be right out of time. 25:32 I don't, but I just want people to understand and know lived experiences are really the best experiences. 25:39 We've experienced these things so you all don' have to. 25:42 Like I say, I haven't been around the world, But I've been up and down the street two times. 25:52 And how was that for you? 25:55 Being up and down my street two times is like traveling around the world twice. 26:01 The whole life, learned a lot. 26:03 So to give us one thing that you learned? 26:07 You cannot blame nobody for what you going through. 26:14 Accountability is everything. 26:15 That's it. 26:17 And you made up for that. 26:19 You're a great father. 26:23 Be accountable. 26:24 There's no one. 26:25 That's it. 26:25 This is where I got my wisdom from. 26:31 Yeah. 26:33 My brother just made it on social media the other day, by the way. 26:36 So let's be clear. 26:37 I'm thankful for you being here. 26:39 You are leading the community and helping these kids. 26:43 He, he not only cooks, but working in a school where you are helping and giving back to your community. 26:49 It's everything. 26:50 So I thank you for being here. 26:53 We're going to celebrate this a hundredth episode. 26:56 Well, figure out what to do. 26:57 No, I don't need you to jump on the grill. 27:00 I do not as Cody. 27:01 Okay. 27:07 No, don't do it because I already know you. 27:10 We're going to celebrate because, I know for a fact, this is the beginning of more episodes to come. 27:14 So I want to thank you for being my guest for my 100th episode. 27:18 This is a full circle moment for me because i started off with my first episode with somebody that knew about ACES but didn't know about aces until it 27:29 was explained to her like you did. 27:31 And I have to shout her out. 27:33 I wish we were still connected and I know if I reach out, she'll be available. 27:37 But I want the world to know how much I love you and thank you for being their role model for me. 27:43 Thank you. 27:43 For being the person in my life that I can go to for questions, concerns, issues, problems, everything. 27:51 I don't think we've ever really honestly got into it. 27:55 When I think about it, you've always been a great big brother to me. 27:59 Thank you so much for not just setting the tone, for setting me up for success, or setting up because the experiences that you did go through, 28:08 I learned from those experiences and that's what shaped me to be the woman that I am today. 28:13 I want to thank you for being a good example, not only as a father, but being the big You are so welcome. 28:21 Love you so much, you guys. 28:22 I love you more, sister. 28:23 Congratulations again on this 100th episode. 28:31 Can I give my son a shout out? 28:32 You can. 28:34 Happy birthday, Steven. 28:35 He just turned 21. Yes! 28:38 Yeah, man. 28:39 My son is a man, so when you say a cycle breaker, trust me. 28:46 They know Steve-O, I talk about Steve enough, but you know what? 28:50 Well, him and Olivia, Jordan, I love my nieces and nephews, you know, to the T, let's be clear. 28:56 However, it's the fact that you set the tone. 28:59 I thought you were going to shout out the one that I loved the most, who's in heaven. 29:03 And so. 29:05 We're going say that for another episode or stuff, but you. 29:08 Listen to you, listen to your right now, Like I said, we got to save the tea. 29:18 There's plenty of tea and stuff, you know? 29:21 It is. 29:23 And people can learn from you, and they have. 29:25 So we're going to go ahead and go. 29:28 You all heard it here. 29:29 He said part two, so we going make it clear. 29:32 But we gonna go and knock out this episode, because this 100th episode is everything. 29:37 I thank you again for being my guest. 29:39 Thank the audience for supporting me throughout all these episodes. 29:43 We have more stuff coming up. 29:45 Just look for all the details. 29:48 Look for everything because we are just beginning another wonderful episode of Be Victorious. 29:54 Find us everywhere, everywhere. 29:56 It is on every podcast platform out there. 30:02 We are going nowhere. 30:03 This is just the beginning. 30:05 See you guys soon. 30:07 Love you all. 30:08 Talk to you soon, bye-bye you, guys.
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