Be VicTORIEus Ep. 100

Book Announcement and ACEs Introduction 0:00

Hey, you guys, it's me, Dr. Tori. My book is officially out. And yes, It is time to talk about ACEs. You guys can find the books everywhere. However, I would encourage you, guys to go to my website, bevictorious.com and place your order today. Yes. It's time. To talk. About ACE's. Let's go, y'all. Hello, hello, how are you guys? Welcome to another episode of Be Victorious. Now let me share. We are at episode 100 and I actually had someone that volunteered because I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do for the 100th episode.

Seriously, this is a huge milestone for me. You all know that I started this journey, thought that i was on this ACES journey on my own and here we are Episode 100. And I have a huge surprise. Nobody knows. But when I tell you, this is everything to me, when i mean everything, This is EVERYTHING to ME. I'm not going to introduce this person. i'm going let THIS person introduce themselves.

Episode 100 Celebration and Brother Introduction 1:24

My favorite person in the whole wide world. my best friend since birth. Where are you? You know where I am. Faux Fals. What's up? My sister, how you doing? Welcome to the 100th episode, brother. Hey, I'm glad. I appreciate it. Thank you for having me. Only for you. And I appreciated that. So for those who don't know, when I share my story, it's hard to share story without talking about my brother, my Brother has been my best friend since birth. We grew up I grew up as the only girl, but I'm a middle child.

So being the first for my family to graduate from high school was a big deal. But everybody that knows me always wants to know why. Well, it's hard to talk about it because I love my brother so much. I don't get a chance to and watched you go through some things that I just didn't care too much at all. But what I love is that at the end of the day, you learned. Big sister became big sister. And here we are. You are a psycho breaker. Appreciate it. Keep that on the low, you know? You know, but, uh.

But, what? Two baby girls. What the fuck is that? Uh. How you feel about that. Uh, the same. You don't change. I'm still the the person. Well, You got to think about it, Dean. We grew up in a society that normalized the stuff that we experienced and we went through. Right. One of the things that I love about your family, my nieces, and my nephew is that they broke the generational cycle. That was the main purpose. The number one goal of nothing else. Not gonna live like I live, not gonna grow up like how I grew up, I'm not going to think after all, and I can conduct yourself like, how can I conduct myself at once upon a time?

And that's just it. You guys gotta understand, this is Big Brother. And I know for a fact that he had the opportunity to But guess what, you broke the cycle. Oh, he knows the funny part. We laid one of my main partners to rest. Yeah, this past Friday was piece of court is going to my boy, my Everybody from, you know, I went to school with everybody, everybody's people who I've seen. I haven't seen in a long time. Listen to me though, so a lot of people I didn't remember and I normally do not forget nobody.

You know what I'm talking about? We used to get in trouble with an ex-YZ and you remember? And I don't forget anybody, but I forgot a lotta people. The gray, we had a gray hair competition. No, everybody else, I wasn't even in the ballpark, but it was good to see everybody. It was just kind of bittersweet, because I wish I could have walked across the stage and carried that on.

Family History and Breaking Generational Cycles 4:46

But at the same time, everyone had different directions and different travels, and I don't regret not one bit. I do. But it's not to regret about it. Once you once you make your mind up and you making decisions You got to live with and make the boss of it and that's what I did That's it But guess who's been the number one driving force behind me being who I am today. Who's that? Raise your hand Well, my thing is this too, you know you had it wasn't hard to Inspire you And you honestly inspire me to be who I am today.

You know, it's kind of like a give, give or take, you know. There's a lot of things you got to do that I try to make sure that passed on to my children. And that's because I knew I couldn't say, well, I did this when I went to school, because a lotta times they'd look at you like, how you gonna tell me if you didn't? But I know somebody real close But at the same time, just because I didn't doesn't mean that I can't strongly suggest. You might wanna hold on to that and at least get that part of life.

The education is very important. And I appreciate that. I think what I love is when we did the book signing in Kansas City, of course, Family Show. What I loved was that, you know, Olivia said, hey, ever since, we've been in this book, We've Been Talking About the Book as a Family. Like, really understanding our aces. And I think that's the humbling thing, is that y'all took the book and used it to. Right. I'm sorry, and there's nothing just like, we already not necessarily knew that we had ACES, but what us dealing with the tragedies before and household issues that once you brought the books under the dress, We ain't had no choice because we've been looking for help.

Looking for something to lean on, something read, to take from. You provided that for us and I appreciate you, me and my family, trust me. Thank you. I think that was the humbling thing because, again, as the listeners are listening, it's one thing to talk about it and it is one to live it, and to hear both my niece and nephew say, hey, Auntie, your book is decent in their terms. That's a big deal, because that's really who it's for. We really want generational curses. Our parents, not to say that they're bad, but their experiences are their experience.

They're not for us. But when I look over my life, and I'll look some of the decisions that I made, it was because, again, my parents made decisions. And it like, well, I did this, so you have to do it too. Well, we're living in a society where we do those things. We don't have to say, OK, well, this happened, so this is supposed to happen. No. At the end of the day, when I think about the decisions that were made, our parents made decisions when they were 15 or 16 years old. Wow. And I'd think that every day.

Yeah. I couldn't imagine having to make those decisions at that age. But I remember what I was doing at 15, 16, and 17. Man. Okay. So when you put it in that term, when I share, you know, and, I love my daddy to death. You know I do, but that was one thing that he was like, oh, 16 years old, going to the military. Going to military, Vietnam. From the Vietnam, so you have to look about that transition. Vietnam 16-years-old, your brain ain't even developed. Dad trauma. And then, again, in the book, I think the family was just so, oh, well, you told our story.

I really didn't tell the story, and I didn' even get into the meat and potato. So I just wanted to give people some understanding. Let no parent go to Vietnam War at the age of 16 years old. That's called what we call in 2025, post-traumatic stress disorder and child abuse. And that's the truth. And then let's be clear, I had to put in there for the record, he lost his mom too. So you had a think about it. Thank you. This function is real. Think about. It is not. I think the thing with our family that I love is that, no, we don't want to talk about, but we're like every other family.

That's out there. This is one and three, which means we all have it, period. Because if you don't, you know somebody that does. And if don' know someone that you do now, because you're watching this. You do it now. I'm with you, sister. So you have to understand, it's nothing wrong with having ACEs. Now that we know what it is, and we can identify what is is. We can build that bridge and address it. D, You're doing it? I'll try. That's it to try Is motivated by your grandkids your kids what's your what your motivation what you're inspiration behind I don't see my motivation is.

Long time ago when I was a kid dealing with issues, I always knew that I would live to a day that my day was going to come. That's my motivation. My day is going come and I live for that and work hard for it. And I'm not necessarily saying that it's going be a big parade for me or I am going win the lottery and everything.

Healing, Motivation, and Personal Trauma 10:51

The day when my piece and every thing come together. And that's my motivation. And you are motivated to continue to be a cycle worker for your granddaughters? I have no choice. They're so sweet. I refuse. So what is it about ACEs that you like? And what I mean, you have the awareness. You know exactly what it is now. What is that that like per se? So meaning what part of the awareness helps in your healing journey? In my healing journey, it's just been somebody who I can see eye to eye and I could talk to with an honest ear.

There's a lot of people so judgmental, the professionals, a lotta other professionals with the ABCs at the end of their names and the so-and-so's at beginning of the names, and ABC's, to me, they don't listen. They wake up, Let's try this. Sometimes it's big. A lot of times you can just look and you tell the whole story. I do it every day. From I work at the school where I deal with kids from 20 different countries around the world, from high here to low here, refugees, everything. Compassion. You got it.

That's it, I pass. I try to pass and pass it to every day. What's your inspiration behind that? Because again, i'm only asking the questions because your life could have been different. Honestly, my inspiration is because I know there's gonna be a greater day I always believed that when I was younger and I wasn't on punishment When I'm in the middle getting beat when i'm a little getting beaten up for the police I knew that Let me get to Mom, so I make it all on bi and that's it. And that sort of even when, I want to my medical issues.

I kept on saying, let me get some water. As long as I get water, I'm going to make it home and I'll be good. And that's my inspiration. That was it. Do you want to go into details about that medical issue? Not today, because I mean, you know, had an aneurysm. The twice I passed. God is good, he wasn't done with me yet. Then I wasn' t take care of myself. Take care yourself first. first and that's it. I'll just say God is good because I tell a lot of people my testimony about what I went through and they tell me how lucky and how blessed I am and I'm coming to grasp of understanding but there's a lotta people who didn't tell because they didn' see or know somebody that just really went though what i went to when they're not here to tell the story or even wish they could hug him or even say hello to him.

You know, so I'm very thankful, trust me, beyond. So would you accept your title as a psycho worker? Yes, I love it. Okay, you should. Like I always say, always I would never let nothing happen to somebody, somebody that happened to me. especially somebody close to me from my children, anybody who I say just behind me, would I be behind those who follow me? Those who are lead, those I prepared for, and so on. We don't want them to go through what we went through. At all. And I never let anybody, especially any of mine, like I said, anyone who is lead or served, no.

Not on my watch. Me neither. And I think that was my motivation and inspiration for going, you know what I mean? Yes, yes. So I don't want people to go through what i went through, but I love our parents. I do.I love my parents, I honor and respect my dad for who he is. i respect him even more knowing growing up because I knew it was up like we look different, But the fact that he stood up and said, yeah, I'm going to get this man my name. You know what I mean? I respect that. I get that to him.

My dad loves you. And I grew up thinking he was until things started doing some changing. But at the end of the day, he's a stand-up man. That's what, like I said. A lot of... I never going call him stepfather or have daddy or anything like that, my father, the man who raised me, He didn't ever, he always held me up. He did never, okay, I can come with y'all. So, you know, hold my hand. And he put, honestly he helped me higher than he held his own children. Honestly. You know that's why we kind of bump heads a lot now because he'd always help me on the higher.

I accept it now, but once I was younger I didn' understand what he was asking of me. but I do now know now as a father, a cycle breaker as you say. So would you stay? And this isn't a question that's on there. You have, we have two different fathers. Right. My father gave you his last name and I respect that to this day. And you give your credit to my dad because my Dad did his thing. Can you, is there a difference? You know what I mean? Because you do have a relationship with your father, correct?

With my biological father? Yeah. Yeah, but it's night and day. It's like, me and my biologic father is more of a, we more like homeboys because when I met him, I was 21 and I'm grown,

Fatherhood, Accountability, and Cycle Breaking 17:28

so there's pretty much, man, already raised by this man. all you can do is get to know me for who I am. And if you like who am, hey, and if not, you know, I don't know. Like I learned to move with or without. Right. But it's no hard feelings towards him, anything. It's just once upon a time, like I said, he was another one who was a kid in an adult situation, who should have been in a kids situation or not being looked at. as a kid and voila. That's what I'm saying. Mm-hmm. But guess what? Yeah.

Cycle breakers got to stick together because of generational curses. We don't want kids to go through what we experienced because the experiences that we went through are what call lived experiences. Right. Learned from them. I tell people all the time, I know for a fact if my brother had the opportunity, he would have been the first to graduate from high school. Trust me. It's a heavy brag because the ones that know you know, you're very wise. You're smart. They don't know our story. I can't tell my brother's story because that's his story to tell.

So what you hear is everything. Because again, if people want to learn more about ACEs, they have to understand how much of an impact that it has on your childhood experiences. Yes, it does. Which is interesting. You know, me breaking generational curses with Kermari and saying Karmari is the cycle breaker in our family. Me and you both know my freshman year in college. I was terrified. I kicked it. We was happy, but nobody told me that college wasn't for kicking it, you couldn't tell. We was down there kicking it hard until I got that letter that said, uh-uh, baby, you on academic probation.

Academic probation? I'm sorry. I still to this day. Uh-huh. And I apologize, y'all, when I... I didn't want you to come home. My promise, I was like, man, everybody go to school, come on. Everybody. Mm-hmm. Our promise. That's another cycle breaker. You know, a lot of kids from our community, they go school ill prepared, even though They think they're prepared because you graduated, you got a little stuff from Target or whatever, and felt your dorm up. But going off to school was mentally, physically, responsibly, because a lot of, like they say, down there in a bunch of kids who put their pens, their parents just dropped them off.

And then get down and waste their time, they money, ruin their credit. Go to jail. And that's what made me become a mentor. Because I was not going to let anybody else go through this, not at all. And I'm glad that I took those steps, but I am so glad I always had you to have my back. So for those words. Oh, when I talk about when, I went on my journey for my book launch last year, my brother was the caterer, so he was, the person that came through. He comes through all the time for me, let's be clear.

But to this day, The Kansas City one, it was like, man, who made this? That was good. Who did this. That My brother has always, when I think about the events that I planned when i was in college, he was there. When I had the event in Chicago, we were there, and when we had events, talking about community, my brother had always been a huge instrumental part of my community. So again, for me to have to share the story and tell people I'm a first generation graduate for the ones that know my family, I've always had a brother.

I love you. You've always been my huge motivation and inspiration, and to have you here for this 100th episode is amazing. Thank you, sister. What do you want from your sister? To keep on living and keep chugging and doing what you're doing. Let me see you put your dupes up. Put your dopes up! Oh, I can't! But see, that's the thing. And we can talk about this. They don't know me as Dr. Tori. Right. Oh! They all know! Then I can't because I don't want them to see me like this. They don' know. I'll be trying to tell people I used to get down.

Nice to be a banger, but you guys got to understand when you're choosing a different lifestyle when he had people to say, no, I did this for you. You don''t have to do it. That was my brother. He's right. Uh-uh, uh-huh. And I got away with a lot of stuff because Dee was the one that took the sacrifice for me in order to be the person who I am. So you have to understand how big of a deal this is for you to to share. It wasn't easy growing up. The fact that I'm the first, it's a brag, but you gotta understand I was first because I had somebody that was supposed to first that had my back.

Always. Don't matter. Whatever you're going to do first, I got you. I'll always have you back and always support you in every endeavor I have for you, so you know, you don't never have to worry about me. So yes to the cycle breaking? Yes. Yes to ACES? And so if you needed to talk to people and tell them, because you talk about your sister like crazy, but if have one thing to someone that's beginning their healing journey, What would it be? Honestly, I'll tell them, you have to be honest with yourself.

Write down the issues that you need to address, because everybody's so quick to, well, when I see them I'm going to say this and that and this, and you don't ever get to express how you really feel. Take your time. Find somebody professional. Yes, that's because, like I said, they... They stereotype that in the community, though. People don't want to go to therapy. Well, believe it or not, you need somebody. A lot of times... Even a lot times, not necessarily talking to a professional, just to even talk to an administrator from the school, a teacher,

Closing Reflections and Episode Wrap-Up 24:18

I wasn't good at listening to my parents at all, but somebody around the corner, my OK, I got it. I think it's household dysfunction, though. You know what I mean? It's kind of like that. And I'm sure you're not alone with that, because that's everybody. Yeah, you have to think about it from my perspective. If I can say something to my kids, and it sounds like somebody else, then listen to them. They came on with the Declaration of Independence, like I told you two weeks ago. So you've got to understand, generational.

I think that's the reason why we're here to address generational cycles and do what we are doing. You get laid out a great example because I'm telling you, if I tell the girls all the time, I say something, they'll be like, no it ain't. So go find them. Go ahead and find it yourself. And then when they find out, it's like, well, did y'all find that? Yeah, such as such. Well, you're welcome. Thank you. It's not like I want to be right out of time. I don't, but I just want people to understand and know lived experiences are really the best experiences.

We've experienced these things so you all don' have to. Like I say, I haven't been around the world, But I've been up and down the street two times. And how was that for you? Being up and down my street two times is like traveling around the world twice. The whole life, learned a lot. So to give us one thing that you learned? You cannot blame nobody for what you going through. Accountability is everything. That's it. And you made up for that. You're a great father. Be accountable. There's no one.

That's it. This is where I got my wisdom from. Yeah. My brother just made it on social media the other day, by the way. So let's be clear. I'm thankful for you being here. You are leading the community and helping these kids. He, he not only cooks, but working in a school where you are helping and giving back to your community. It's everything. So I thank you for being here. We're going to celebrate this a hundredth episode. Well, figure out what to do. No, I don't need you to jump on the grill.

I do not as Cody. Okay. No, don't do it because I already know you. We're going to celebrate because, I know for a fact, this is the beginning of more episodes to come. So I want to thank you for being my guest for my 100th episode. This is a full circle moment for me because i started off with my first episode with somebody that knew about ACES but didn't know about aces until it was explained to her like you did. And I have to shout her out. I wish we were still connected and I know if I reach out, she'll be available.

But I want the world to know how much I love you and thank you for being their role model for me. Thank you. For being the person in my life that I can go to for questions, concerns, issues, problems, everything. I don't think we've ever really honestly got into it. When I think about it, you've always been a great big brother to me. Thank you so much for not just setting the tone, for setting me up for success, or setting up because the experiences that you did go through, I learned from those experiences and that's what shaped me to be the woman that I am today.

I want to thank you for being a good example, not only as a father, but being the big You are so welcome. Love you so much, you guys. I love you more, sister. Congratulations again on this 100th episode. Can I give my son a shout out? You can. Happy birthday, Steven. He just turned 21. Yes! Yeah, man. My son is a man, so when you say a cycle breaker, trust me. They know Steve-O, I talk about Steve enough, but you know what? Well, him and Olivia, Jordan, I love my nieces and nephews, you know, to the T, let's be clear.

However, it's the fact that you set the tone. I thought you were going to shout out the one that I loved the most, who's in heaven. And so. We're going say that for another episode or stuff, but you. Listen to you, listen to your right now, Like I said, we got to save the tea. There's plenty of tea and stuff, you know? It is. And people can learn from you, and they have. So we're going to go ahead and go. You all heard it here. He said part two, so we going make it clear. But we gonna go and knock out this episode, because this 100th episode is everything.

I thank you again for being my guest. Thank the audience for supporting me throughout all these episodes. We have more stuff coming up. Just look for all the details. Look for everything because we are just beginning another wonderful episode of Be Victorious. Find us everywhere, everywhere. It is on every podcast platform out there. We are going nowhere. This is just the beginning. See you guys soon. Love you all. Talk to you soon, bye-bye you, guys.