Be VicTORIEus Ep. 71

Book Announcement and ACEs Introduction 0:00

Hey, you guys, it's me, Dr. Tori. My book is officially out. And yes, It is time to talk about ACEs. You guys can find the books everywhere. However, I would encourage you, guys to go to my website, bevictorious.com and place your order today. Yes. It's time. To talk. About ACE's. Let's go, y'all. Hello. Hello, you guys. Welcome back to another episode of Be Victorious. You all know who I am. It's Dr. Tori. I'm here. And in this guest, let me share. When I tell you I was blessed, I wasn't blessed.

What I mean, cycle breaker. Look at the description and she's sitting there pausing and smiling. Let's be clear. i have worked with this young lady and She has been a true blessing. Eternity, where are you? Your name speaks for itself. There she go. Y'all know who Eternity is. I finally got her y'a'll.

Introducing Eternity and Her Cycle-Breaking Work 1:14

Let's go! It's ETERNITY! Eternity how are you today? I'm doing pretty good. How you doing? Well, it's been a day already, but nonetheless, we're here and we are here to talk about Psycho Breakers and were really here talk to about their passion for ACEs because since the day that we met, I got a shout out to one of my former and still current, let me not get in trouble, Vince East, she introduced me to you and have been ever since. So tell me, what motivated you to get inspired and be interested in adverse childhood experiences?

Well, in April of 2023, I lost my cousin to violence in the streets of Chicago. And ever since then I started a nonprofit organization that is working directly with youth. So hearing about ACEs and being introduced to the fact that what we go through as a kid really affects how we are as adults was something I had already understood, but I have never really heard it be put into that term. I heard, and I'm like, oh, this makes so much more sense. Now I understand. why I am the way I and why he was like that and everybody around me.

It makes sense. And a lot of people don't want us to have the conversation, but we've been having a conversation since we met. I think that's not just our passion and our purpose, But what we're doing out here is bringing awareness to the community. You are a definition of a cycle breaker. Do you know what a Cycle Breaker is? Yes and no. Tell me a little bit. Okay. If you need an example, you know what a cycle breaker is now. Give me your example of a Cycle Breaker. For me, a cycle breaker, is somebody who charts their own path.

They don't do what everybody else tells them to do. they do aligns with them, which is what I do in my day-to-day life and what i encourage other people to Do. You are a psycho breaker. you are. Your passion and your purpose are just goals. I mean, it just You've inspired me and I think that's what I love about connecting and meeting other cycle breakers because we need to start embracing that a lot more than embracing the negativity that we see on TV. I don't even think people who are cycle-breakers really know how they're cycle breaker and who they are based off of the negative experience we've had.

experience so much in our past, but how come we just can't turn that passion into purpose and make it powerful? And so that's the reason why I feel like I'm connected to you, because you have a collective, you a mentorship program. Tell us first about multifaceted community. tell us about the multifactored community first. Yeah, so the community I have is called the Multifacetted Collective and I started it because I have always been a multifaceted girlie.

What Inspired Her ACEs Advocacy 4:17

I was doing a little bit of everything. One day I'm baking, one day, I playing tennis, next day. And I don't like people trying to put me in a box or like, you need a niche. You can't tell me what I can and cannot do. People always try to throw that quote, a jack of all trades is a master of one or whatever. They be forgetting that we really are oftentimes better than a master. I want a jack of all trades is, uh, what is it? You know what I'm saying? If people want to make it like it's negative, but it is actually a wonderful thing.

They try to it seem like, um, if you only focus on one thing, you're better at it than somebody who has a lot of different balls that they're juggling. But for me, it was like. I can do it all if I really wanna do all. And there's ways to do where you can focus on one thing for a couple months and then switch. There's a way you could make it happen for you. Because I didn't have those people around me, I was like, well, if somebody else gotta feel like this too. So I wanted to create a safe space for us to come together and push each other, grow together, where we have these diverse perspectives and different mindsets, different backgrounds, and we can fill in the gaps that each of them may have.

And that's why I'm a part of the collective, you guys. I think our generation, and I am saying our generations as I talk about addressing generational conflict, generational trauma, just generational, we're two different generations. And what I love is sometimes we have to step back and let this generation that is coming up lead. Because see, as a mentor, I don't want you to experience the stuff that I experience, let's be clear. And so being in a space with, I just like it, it's just the synergy that comes, like I meet somebody new every day.

But to continue to meet all the wonderful cycle breakers, i really don't think people know what it is. And I think with you having that collective, Again, it has helped me not just understand myself and all the many talents that I have, but understand that we can use them and take advantage of it. So yes, I'm a transformational leadership coach too. And I love that because why are we bottling what we're doing into one thing when we are multi-faceted, we' re multi collective. Again I want you guys to know about cycle breaking and know that it doesn't have you.

It doesn't define you. It does do anything but support who you are and give you an extra responsibility because you do it with a passion and purpose that you probably don't even

The Multifaceted Collective and Embracing Many Talents 6:54

know that your doing. But when I tell you every time I'm in a room, you it. Every time it's you, I don' care what anybody say. Its you! It's You! Your name speaks for itself. And if you all don''t know, let me share. She is my fractional C. Oh, and I have to let you guys know I will not function. She's she keeps me directed. she stays on my toes and i don't think she sees the I don' think shes defined by our age limits. I think that's the reason why she supports but you have this wonderful grandmother that you talk about all the time.

Tell us about your grandmother and tell us program. So I am the descendant of Charlie Mae Mosley. She was amazing. And she's the definition of my GLAAD framework, gratitude, logistics, audacity, and delusion. My grandma was very rooted in church. she had six kids. He was a single mom and she stood on business for sure. and She is the reason why I'm able to be close to God. And you can get out of any situation if you rely on that. You put God first and everything falls into place. She was my anchor, she held my family together.

And that was something I feel I have become a disciple of and now I'm doing it. What she was doing, She left that legacy to me last year when she left us. So now, I am bringing a family to get them like, hey, let's come together, Let's sit down, lets have a round table. and I don't want to just do it for my Family. I want do for other people's kids and their families as well and teaching them It's okay to help others. You got to be able to, like you said, pass that knowledge down because you don't want to have to go through the same thing your mama went through or your grandma went to.

They already did that. Let's find new mistakes to make. Interesting. So, so grandmother was actually the cycle breaker and you're pressing down the generational tradition. Lucky God. So for those who do not know about addressing your generational trauma, you said she was a single woman, correct? Yeah. And she just had a granddaughter graduate from Northwestern School of Law. Congratulations. Thank you so much. Tell me, so again, You're breaking generational curses. What was your drive for going back to school to get your master's degree?

Ooh. For me, it was the multifacetedness of the degree. Like, I had a job. I was supposed to start a jobs in insurance. It had me a good little salary, a bonus. All the stability was going to be right there. And it's in my pocket. you need to get back home. You live in, I was living in Tennessee, but my family is from Chicago. So I'm like, ah, something's not right. Something's right and so I just looking up alternatives. Okay. Let me see if I can find a master's degree. And I found the master of science and law and they said business law technology all in one nine month program.

I said, Oh, Oh yeah, because it's short. I knew I couldn't do no long program.I wasn't mentally able to keep doing that after I had already been in school for so long. Right. But I know I could do nine months. And it was going to bring me back home to my family where I needed to be. Yeah, I might have been breaking a cycle being a first generation HBCU graduate, but I was by myself.

Grandmotheru2019s Legacy and Family Healing 10:51

Trying to figure out what a, what an oil change. You know, I'm doing all these things by myself because my family is seven, eight hours away and they having parties and events and I missing it. And that broke my heart so much that when I saw that degree I was like, oh yeah, can use this because not only is this going to help me get back to my. But it's also going help with the women that I deal with helping them with their legalities or their business. Cause some of them don't know. How to file for no LLC.

Some of them don't know how to read no contracts. They don' know what they don know. So if I could get that knowledge, because I'm able to, and then disperse it to them, I am already making changes. And if you all want to know why I mentor, this is why. Like it just happens naturally. There's this thing that happens because i'm not going to say I don''t need that when I do. And I think people of our generation, because we think we know everything, it's like, oh, OK, well, no, baby, you are needed.

And i'm telling you, as someone that has you. I'm honored because you get to use those talents that you have, combine them and help me in multifaceted. everywhere, you know what I mean? So I think that's what it is for me. I keep bringing these things up because we started the conversation and he was like, tell me about being a cycle breaker, baby, look in the mirror. Because this is the reason why we wanna have these conversations, because I don't think people really embrace it like we should, like there's nothing wrong with being in a psycho breaker.

There's no wrong having ACEs, there is nothing with having an ACE score. So let me go back to ACES. Do you have an ACEs score? I do, but. Tell me the but I feel like my ACE score is low because of the way the questions are worded. If their word is slightly different, I know my score will be higher. And that is the reason why we have now ACES 101 class. So I have to shout out those coaches. You were there. Those coaches that have taken that initiative and they are out here doing the work, honey. I like it because the 101 ACEs trainings that I've been doing is breaking down those questions.

And I set in with, I got to shout out Jorge. I sat in on one of his Motivational Mondays and one the young ladies was like, Dr. Torrey, took your ASIS quiz. But now that you're breaking it down, my score went up from a six to a seven. It's like very good, you know what I mean? Because The ACES quiz to me is just supposed to be an awareness tool to bring awareness to ACEs. You shouldn't let the score define you. People let their score to define and they stop talking. For me, it's an Awareness tool.

So that breakdown of the questions is awareness. And people are doing it. And when I tell you that's one of our trainings that we got to put up on the website, because people asking for it, they're demanding it at this point because the people in his community are saying, okay, I want more. How do I get this training? Or let me know what you're doing because I need this. So that what we're. That's what Eternity helps me with you guys. We brainstorm all the time. But this is things that are happening.

She was one of those, um, coaches that were on that panel who had the discussion. Actually, you facilitated that.

Returning to School and Using Law to Help Others 14:38

You feel about that? How was that experience? I actually really liked it. I enjoy being able to one control the conversation because I can frame the questions based off of how they were already speaking and going. but also being able to hear from other people who do the similar work as me and what their experience is hearing from their backgrounds, their perspectives and their knowledge was great. Yep. And the person behind helping build an ACES awareness international awareness conference. You gotta give yourself your kudos, baby girl.

Cause you know, I will, it's eternity you guys. You got to understand I'm not doing this by myself. I really do have a community. Do have people that support and she is one of them bright, brilliant. And when I tell you multifaceted for sure. Oh, ACES score, aware of ACEs. You have the multifaceted, you have The Meerkat Collective. Am I missing anything? Not yet. I'm always cooking though. You know, I am always working on something, but that's all for right now. So Eternity, what's next steps? I know you've been doing a lot of planning and have some collaborations out there already.

Tell us what is going on for the summer. promoting our Suicide Prevention Awareness Walk Run in Madison, Illinois. It's gonna be at Bomber Trail. We are trying to spread awareness about suicide prevention because one of our big things for Meerkat is decreasing intentional deaths, both the homicides and suicides. we want to get that down to zero in our kids because that ain't the way for them to be going. what we cooking up right now. And I think what I love is the collaboration, not just the cooperation, but the fact that you brought up your passion and your purpose and why we're doing it.

You all have to understand community violence is on the rise. Community violence, it's adverse childhood experiences. It's under the umbrella of other adversities. So what a wonderful day. A wonderful time to collaborate with a wonderful organization. So yes, the Victoria's Foundation will be collaborating and having passion and purpose in our community. You all will see all of that information. Of course, you will hear from eternity more. When I tell you, you guys, just watch the things that she's doing because she is doing a lot.

And we want to have this generation, not to say that we owe, but we are. We don't want you to experience the same things we experienced. So again, I honestly thank you for just reaching out saying, listen, And I will share with you guys, it took me a minute because as someone with ACEs, I deal with trust. I do, have issues with that because of past experiences. But when you step out on faith and you, you stepped out and talk to God and had a conversation, He brings you people you got to know. And when I tell you eternity is one of those people, I can't talk about it enough.

I think that's the reason why when we had the conversation about talking about cycle breakers. The thing is, with all of the gratitude, all the things that we do together, I think she has to take this, run with it, and don't let nothing stop you.

ACEs Awareness, Training, and Conference Takeaways 18:38

Your passion and purpose exudes. Everybody knows who Eternity is. So if you see me, you're going to see her. Let's be clear, because this is how we've been operating since we met. Eternity, what did you learn at the ACES conference that shifted your perspective or helped you better understand your own story? I feel like there was one about mentorship that really helped clarify for me what I was doing. I really liked how he broke it down to understand that this is a relationship, but it is still a little transactional.

Like, yeah, this not your friend. You got to have those boundaries, put those bounds in place. And that was something I don't think I necessarily knew about mentorship, because a lot of the people I started off mentoring were family. They would be like my little cousins who want to be my shadow. I eat an apple, she eat apple and follow me around the house. So that was something really big that I enjoyed learning. And then also the disconnect between administrators and teachers, I feel like they need somebody in the middle to kind of mediate what's going on.

That was me being able to recognize a gap that there's a potential that may be able feel in future. Because you're going to feel it. Because let me tell you, I know who she is. Yeah, don't say it, y'all hear it? That's my witness. She's going do it." So of course, we did so much at the conference. What were some of the healing strategies, habits, or support systems that helped you? Or will help you on your path? There was a self-care session by one of our celebrators. And I loved it! We did self care bingo.

I lost, which kind of made me sad. It really exposed me to the fact that there are a lot of ways to take care of yourselves that I wasn't doing. Like I was going on walks the way that should. And now I'm trying to do at least one and a half mile walks two to three times a week, or just even listening to music, getting a massage, little things that had not been doing and they had been routine recognizing now, I need to, and that's a part of living. That's part enjoying life instead of just being alive.

And this is what I love. So if y'all didn't hear, yeah, she's my soror. And what i love is it took us a minute. I think we met through ACEs and as we were getting to know each other, we realized that we we're sorors. You got to understand we didn' let not our ACE's define us, but we did'nt let our organization define either. It brought us together. A shout out to our wonderful organization who has not just brought in powerful people, but brought-in people that have and think the same. And when I tell you this was a blessing, I keep telling y'all she was blessing for me, But I didn't meet her under the strength of our organization.

I met her on the the Strength of Understanding basis. And I think that's the reason why as Psycho Breakers, we need to do more. We need talk about things like legacy. And so let's talk legacy, what kind of legacy are you hoping to leave as a Psychobreaker? I'm all about legacy honestly. I feel like when I leave this earth, I want my kids, kids kids to know that they can do whatever they want in life. You do not have to go to college, that you have the option to do whatever you want because life is more than just work.

I want them to understand their identity. Who are you as a person? Not just what do you do? What title do your wear? Me, I'm a catalyst of transformation. Everybody who come around me, Imma transform you. And I don't care what it looks like for you, but I like, don' care, what that transformation is, im gonna help you through it. That's what imma do. Imma support you and so identity is something really big. Understanding values, mind, family, freedom, faith, and staying rooted in those values. I feel like people deduce, reduce generational wealth to just money.

And it's not just fiscal, it is also the mental, is the emotional, as being able to regulate yourself and your body and take care of yourself,

Self-Care, Healing, and Legacy Building 22:48

and live life where you don't feel you need a vacation, but vacation is embedded into what you're already doing. That's what I want to leave behind for my kids. Me too. That's why we're psycho breaking. And that's the reason why were doing what we are doing. I just think it just makes me feel so good to hear you talk about it because you poor. When you're poor, your passion pours as you talked. Now, I got another question. What is something you wish people understood more about childhood trauma and ACEs that isn't talked about enough?

That not all trauma is bad necessarily. Like, yes, it was bad in the moment and you might have felt horribly, but without what you went through, you would have never become who you are now. So when we talk about ACEs, we're not saying, let's go change your past. We're saying how can we use your path to strengthen you now? How can ensure it doesn't hold you back from being able to get these opportunities, speak to people kindly and take care of yourself? Because some of these people, they go through something that's a two-year-old, and now they're 37. And they like, well, when I was two, duh-duh-duh.

That's why I'm this way. But you didn't have 35 years to work on that and to find a way to cope with that, make it work for you rather than work against you. Mm-hmm. It's so powerful. Make it worked for me. and not against you. And this is the reason why her name exudes, you guys, it speaks for itself because, I mean, what else can you say? There's a lot of people that need to go on that healing journey. They really don't know how, they don' know what to do, They don''t know steps, especially people in your generation.

So what do you tell somebody in Your generation right now that want to begin their healing Journey? How would you Tell them to Begin their Healing Journey. in silence. That was one of the hardest things I have ever done. Erica, Erica made me do it. She said, you got a lot going on right now and you not talking to all those people in your head. Y'all need to have a board meeting. So she told, she had me sit down for 15 minutes, silence, staring at a wall and just listening, listening to the different parts of me and how they want to work together so that we can agree on how we're going to move forward in life.

because we got we all got a lot of different voices in our head you know one of them telling you go do this the other one telling, you no I don't do that be scared but when they all come together and they're in unison that harmony will bring you peace because you'll know how to move forward it'll bring your clarity so sitting in solitude but also mindset work so journaling affirmations meditation whichever one's work for you journalling is my rock I've been journaling probably since I was in fifth grade.

I could still find notebooks from fifth-grade when I would sit in class like, yeah, little Susie did that to me today. And it had me feeling this type of way. But now I know when that type away again, this isn't a new feeling for me. How did I deal with it in the past versus how am I dealing with now? What changed? And being able to recognize those changes and understand them helps you build your own identity. Know who you are. Cause if you don't know who are, nothing else is going to work for you.

You can't make decisions rooted in your values. Because you, don' even know what you value. Stand for something or fall for everything. Say that one more time. Got to stand for, something where you'll fall, for anything. Y'all see why I fool with her. She can go wherever with me, in any and everywhere. Let's be clear, because you can tell just through the generational wealth that she has when she speaks about her grandmother, when talks about our family, she's ready, you guys. she been doing the work.

This is who I am. am pouring into in regards to be victorious foundation. It's the reason why it works. it's, the, reason, why mentorship is real. t's. The reason. Why we need this generation to do this. So how has be Victorious movement shaped your healing journey in your purpose. Exposure. I feel like if I was never introduced to you, I would have never heard about ACES because the people around me don't know about aces. And so now I'm able to take that conversation and expand it and bring it to my family, be like, Hey, y'all, when you was doing that, I noticed cause when we was five, this happened to you.

So I need you to work on that. And I even with my mama, i'm to talk to mama like hey, all like that let's talk about it.

Childhood Trauma, Healing Journeys, and Identity 27:30

Because I was able get that awareness from the Victoria's foundation or even the conference giving me the opportunity to speak. As a facilitator, I've been a panelist before but I had never facilitated like that so it opened up a couple of doors is definitely been, a lot of really good exposure so thank you to you for that opportunity. This is mentorship is real, couldn't leave again and I share with everybody being in the front line of education. When you're teaching, you are in that one classroom, in the one school, and in one contract.

I have been doing this for over 20 years. As far as mentorship, being a first-generation high school graduate, I didn't want anybody to go through what I experienced. You're talking about 30 years of mentorship. Look at what God is doing be victorious is like not just me I wasn't given. I was given this name you know what I mean like I didn't come up with it. My name is Tory for real, but I seriously create victory in people and as I am growing. I have to embrace that too. Imposter syndrome is real, but I'm also learning that, too, and understanding that.

Being around positive people like you, being around people that support the vision, that supports the passion, it supports purpose. So let's be clear, we're about to take over Chicago. We already took over when we were there in April. But with collaboration? because you all have not seen the last of us, I promise you. We're about to take over, so get ready. You all know who eternity is. you know, who I am. Let's continue to keep this work internally. I thank God for you, for being the cycle breaker and setting the tone.

And again, you guys will see so much work from us coming up soon. I just want to plant this seed, plant the seed that imposter syndrome might not be real. It might sometimes be that we are in spaces where we feel like we don't belong or the conditions are set up to make us not feel we belong. Me and you have both lived in Texas. We know, we, belong there. Yeah. But they make sure it feels like you do not. And that's not because of us. we aren't imposters. it's the system around it. I honestly think that's the reason why the Lord brought me here.

I'll be honest, I do. Because from a mother standpoint, and I've shared this with you before, to be a single mom, have these three girls, raise them in a community where they know they're not accepted, but the education of ACEs has put them on top. Not only have they defined their ACES score, because they have ACEs they get if they understand this is what we need to have, the conversations we needs to in our households. But they shined. And I don't want to say it was me. I just think it with me as a mother putting that education in them and having that conversation.

So as ACes ambassadors, I'm looking, and I became a cool mom, they're not afraid to share their story, or they are having the conversation, And it's easy to do like you said you are having the conversations with your family. I'm having conversations. So I do agree imposter syndrome is real but when you're in a collective where people are doing it, it is power. and purpose, and the more the merrier. When I first started this podcast, I thought I was alone. Look at you. This is what we're supposed to be doing.

this is empowerment, this IS community, This IS the reason why Eternity stuck with me forever.

Be Victorious, Collaboration, and Where to Find Eternity 31:28

She ain't going nowhere. I promise y'all. But people may think because I teach or I did this or she's one of my mentees. No, she is someone that actually passion and purpose as far as understanding ACES has brought us together. And I think that's what I love because. I know that I'm not alone anymore in this journey. There are people out there that, I don't know, you're gonna push it because you already have. You see what I am saying? So this is what we're doing. I jumped on a live yesterday because Somebody jumped down and it was like, let me go ahead and show them that support because that's more people having this conversation about aces.

And so that the reason why this be victorious movement is going. That's the reasons why we have acers ambassadors now. and that is the why our podcast is highlighting cycle breakers like you. So I appreciate you and you know that. But we got work to do. You ready? They're ready, born ready. Let's do it. Thank you, Eternity. You're so amazing to me. Eterne, where can they find you? You can find me at eternityslash.com. Under there, you'll see the Most High-Faceted Collective. If you are one of those women who are working towards creating your dream life, if you've got a lot of things going on, join us over there.

We have Bestie Hour every Wednesday at 6 p.m. Central. I also have the Meerkat Impact under there if you want to learn more about the foundation or sign up for the walk, because we'd love to see you there. And yeah, eternitysludge.com. Have it again, you guys, another wonderful episode of Be Victorious. You guys should be using this as an educational tool. It's been used worldwide, not only to educate, but bring awareness to adverse childhood experiences. Thank you, guys so much for tuning in, and we will see you soon.

Bye-bye.