Clear Emotional Blocks For Enhanced Fertility

Zachary Feder

Thank you so much for having me. When I look at what’s happening at the macro level in the world, I look at it through an archetypal lens. What’s the archetypal symbolism and dynamics of infertility? It’s this idea that there’s an interruption in an iterative pattern of self-replication that has been stable since the beginning of human history. It’s important to remember that for those of us who are experiencing infertility in one form or another, our lineages have been able to self-replicate up to us for probably 3 million years. There’s something in life that says that what you repeat needs to stop, heal, or change in some way. That iterative process has been interrupted, and maybe where I would go on with that is, I would say, looking at the mainstream world, and I always say I do a lot through a psycho-emotional psychosomatic lens. We’re in a time perhaps where boundaries are being broken more than ever before due to the proliferation of screen culture, perhaps more than anything else. 

What that does specifically is contaminate the archetypal symbolism of the feminine as a container.  It’s a womb. It’s a vessel. It’s a grail. It’s a chrysalis. All symbols of the feminine, just state, new life that perpetuates the species. It’s one of the first things that I look at when I hear about infertility is what we want to see, and not just on the feminine level, but the masculine also has its correlates; psychologically, emotionally, physiologically, and spiritually. Where is the feminine vessel being contaminated? Where are the conditions for new life being undermined, whether in the family, whether personally, whether in the culture at large, whether it’s through our phones, whether through our ancestry? There are several lenses we can look at, but that’s probably my opening to them. It’s a fact that boundaries that should not be crossed are being crossed.

Aumatma Simmons, ND, FABNE, MS

Interesting. It’s very interesting where you went with this because I’m very excited to talk about the feminine, and it’s my life passion project right now. I’m curious, about your observation and your experience with the people that you’re working with. Do you feel there is a depletion? I don’t know if that’s the right word. It’s more that we’ve veered towards a very masculine approach to living in this world, and that’s worked relatively well for us for a long time. But there used to be more balance, and as society grows and develops, we continue moving more and more toward the masculine. We’re forgetting, in men and women, that there is this feminine aspect that is crucial to our being. When we forget that it is, it’s creating problems. One of those problems is fertility, because at the core of it is the feminine in infinite wisdom and action.

Zachary Feder

Yes, exactly. I couldn’t have said it better myself. I do sometimes. I will think that you’re on the medical side of the street and I’m on the psycho-emotional side of the street. I do think the medical side is that you’re going to see more masculinity there. I think if I were to invite you for a weekend to explore all the practitioners I know over here, there’s a wonderful supporting, empowering, and deepening into the feminine in a way that is very rebalancing. But to your point, I think throughout civilization’s ages we have swung from one pole to the other. Whether it’s the matriarchal tribes and civilizations or the more patriarchal ones, We are certainly in a time now where there’s a struggle. I believe there’s an integration taking place, which means that finally, I do think that the trans movement, for example, the non-binary movement, is very much an externalization of the balancing of the feminine and the masculine within the human being. Of course, it’s utterly essential for all aspects of life. The feminine is the shield, and the masculine is the sword. There are two wars on our boat. Everyone I work with, we all start off marginalizing one of our masculine or feminine polarities, and through life, we’re invited to grow that one and maybe tone down the other one. 

That’s a huge part of my work, and it’s utterly rehabilitating, to be honest. But if you were looking at mainstream culture in general, you would see that we have left brain masculine sickness, where we’re all about getting things done, not letting them see you sweat, pushing forward, ticking off the to-do list, never stopping. The whole sense of and certainly not feeling—that’s another one. It’s a terrible pathology. What screen time and the digital explosion have done is undermine young people’s ability to feel. That is one of the most destructive things that I have seen, let alone the provocative nature of a lot of media and marketing, which is undermining so much of our young women’s self-esteem and health—self-worth, you name it. Of course, all of that is being pushed by a very masculine agenda. The entire mainstream marketing behemoth is run in a very masculine way. Let’s try and pry your attention out of your body where it should be. It should be residing in the body consciousness, especially if you are interested in bringing new life into the world. Your attention, your awareness, should be sitting and anchored in your body. Almost from the get-go we arrive into life, and that awareness through engineers, legions of engineers, and marketers, try to pry our awareness out and to focus it on something else that ultimately they try to make us purchase, that profits them and not us. This is what we’re seeing as one of the great causes of mental illness right now. We could go into a bunch of different areas if that’s my response.

Aumatma Simmons, ND, FABNE, MS

Yes. In terms of fertility, because that’s what at least our listeners are here for. What you said resonates a lot in terms of checking things off the to-do list or going with that attitude. I think that a lot of women who struggle with fertility are uber-masculine in that way because that’s what they know and that’s what they’re used to. That’s what culture has given us so far. I’m curious how we can help. Ground ourselves back into the feminine, which is more than a place of intuition and accessing our beingness over doing this.

Zachary Feder

What happens is that we start running, we start doing, and we start distracting ourselves. The mainstream consumerist industrial complex encourages that and rewards it, not necessarily with truly fulfilling rewards, but nonetheless. What ends up happening is that we not only become addicted to those distractions, but we also begin to accumulate trauma and pain in our bodies that we’re not addressing, so that when we have moments of downtime and our attention returns to the body, it suddenly becomes a dangerous place. What happens in most families that I’ve seen is that everyone conspires to keep each other above water, outside of the body, never going in with the husband, the wife, or the kids. Everyone is trying to keep themselves out of this pain because they think it’s now something to avoid rather than something to metabolize and process. It’s wearing clothes three times and then not having a washing machine in your house. What are we supposed to do with all those dirty clothes, brushing our teeth, doing the laundry, or doing the dishes? What we’re doing as a culture is taking all of the dishes and all of the dirty clothes, throwing them into the basement, turning around, and then getting along with our lives and continuing to accumulate more and more. 

What happens over time is that the basement gets more and more full, and we start to think that something’s wrong. We have to start taking more medication to try to disassociate ourselves further from what is a natural human experience of accumulating pain and metabolizing, learning to do that right, and doing your internal psychological diseases. That’s something that I’m hugely passionate about right now in terms of trying to train a lot of people in families with regards to their psycho-emotional hygiene in the family and teaching young people to do that because those are the ones who are going to save us. It’s the generations below us that we are going to teach from the get-go so that they learn the language of the psyche as a mother tongue. They learn the language of processing emotions as a mother tongue. Most people don’t even speak it. It’s become it. For many adults, it’s a dead language. They have no idea what processing emotion is; unfortunately, the powers that be would persuade you that there’s no such thing. That annex is the answer for alcohol.

Aumatma Simmons, ND, FABNE, MS

Whatever else you said is curious, because a lot of people that I talk to may not relate to this idea that they have trauma or that, yes, I have this trauma, but trauma or these hard emotions are often thought of as moments in time. That thing happened when I was 12. That’s my trauma. Instead of what you’re suggesting, we’re accumulating these dirty dishes every day. It’s not just that moment in time. Maybe they’re microtraumas in some way that we’re accumulating daily.

Zachary Feder

It’s both. I know it’s a big shock for some people when they hear it. Just to be clear, for some people, it’s not even right for them to address their trauma. There’s a certain stage in life, and sometimes we get to it, and sometimes we don’t. We’re not ready to take that on. We never want to force people; we don’t want to wave our fingers at people and say we’re all traumatized. But the truth is, we are all traumatized. I would say that, with the amount of toxicity in the world today, we probably will have some form of brain damage. In terms of microplastics and heavy metals, we just have to acknowledge that detoxification should not be as important as brushing your teeth. From a functional medicine standpoint, this is much more obvious from a psycho-emotional standpoint. Yes, we all have traumas; I guarantee you that. They don’t even have to be big. It’s not that we’re not even talking about catastrophic head trauma. We’re talking about misattunement when you’re four, five, or six, that will create trauma. All trauma is to some degree; it doesn’t have to be some big capital T trauma. What it does is something that modulates you in a way that moves you away from your homeostasis. That’s what trauma is. It’s a crosswind that pushes you off the ultimate target of your life.

Aumatma Simmons, ND, FABNE, MS

I guess the question that comes up for me is, How do you know that’s what’s happening? Or that’s what has happened already?

Zachary Feder

Just look; the rule of thumb would be to look at the patterns in your life. Trauma will create patterns. Everywhere there’s a maladaptive pattern in your life: arguing with your mom every Sunday, constantly not avoiding your dad, having issues with men and women, drinking and eating the three tubs of ice cream every Friday after work. Having two glasses of some of this stuff is considered normal in some regards, but we want to start looking at it as life is unbelievably stressful right now. There’s the trauma piece, but then there’s just existential pain and just being alive—being alive right now with two wars going on that accumulate in the body. Once again, most of us do it to relieve the pressure on it, which is different from processing it and getting it out of your system. But what most of us do to relieve the pressure of it is we party for want of a better term. We party, we go out, we drink, we have a blowout. It relieves pressure, but it doesn’t process the grief and the pain.

Aumatma Simmons, ND, FABNE, MS

It’s just some way to divert our energy instead of being present with what is.

Zachary Feder

Yes.

Aumatma Simmons, ND, FABNE, MS

In terms of fertility, then, how does this look—the avoidance or the escape from present reality? What’s happening with our emotional state—all of those things? How does that go and impact fertility?

Zachary Feder

Yes. Once again, I just guess I come back to the feminine, and we can’t marginalize the masculine. But first and foremost, I would start with the feminine. There’s something, and we’re seeing it in the world that we’re in at a very specific time. Feminism has been on the rise in a very overt way for 100 years, starting with Susan B. Anthony, and others. That’s been a wonderful thing. Of course, women are very much leading the charge in terms of their personal development, their internal development, and their psycho-emotional development. That’s not news. That’s just a fact. But that’s been a huge burden on women because they’ve had to lead the way, and in many ways, that has made them more masculine in some cases, which then has downstream effects in marriage and everything else. 

I’ll give you four areas that I approach whenever I either teach this or I’m involved in the process myself of how I would be addressing infertility. But if I were to give you an overarching approach to it, I would look at it once again symbolically. You look at the Grail as it cracks. Is it secure? If a caterpillar is stepping into the chrysalis? Anyone who knows pathology knows that if there’s one contaminant within the chrysalis, the butterfly will not emerge. Now, of course, the world is a little more robust, and the immune system is a little more robust. But I think we’ve hit a tipping point. That’s a wave. That’s what we’re seeing in culture. That’s why it’s an epidemic because there’s a macro-tipping point, a megatrend. What I would say is that the feminine has been both transgressed upon and hasn’t healed from the transgressions. 

There are two pieces. One is that we’re very resilient as human beings. The psyche is unbelievably resilient. One of my great passions in life is the human psyche. If I talk about a work of genius in art, it is the human psyche. It has unbelievable mechanisms to keep us as functional as we are. Unbelievable. One of them is dissociation and repression. That’s probably the main defense mechanism for anything that goes around us.  We have this thing called the unconscious, which is a dumping ground in our basement. Anything that is in any way disturbing that we throw in there. But once again, if you work with chronic illnesses that have to do with just general mental health or even, you name it, all forms of dysfunction in life, what you notice is that at some point the basement starts to overflow and the living room starts to smell. That’s the moment where, you know, a case is traumatized. Something’s going on here. We need to address this. 

How I would address infertility is as a multidisciplinary  That’s what I offer to people. That’s what I teach my students. Every modality is a window to the house. Unfortunately, we are still a little bit siloed in terms of modalities, whereby a lot of practitioners will say they’ll look through their one window and they’ll say, This is what the inside of the house looks like. You come to this window from this angle, and that’s the truth. What you’re seeing there is the authentic interior of the house. Of course, as we know, that’s a limited perspective. What we want is to have several perspectives that show us as many windows as possible. Then, if we can, we want to circle the house. We want to go to all the windows we want to peek into. Now we’re going to get a much more comprehensive understanding of what’s going on. 

That’s how I approach it, too. understand the context, and I would say it would be fourfold. The first approach to infertility is a little bit of what we’ve been talking about in terms of current life conditions. Is the woman being supported? Yes, I’m hesitating because it’s true. I think I’m being invited by my intuition to step into something that I wasn’t necessarily planning on going into, but the deeper element of what it means to support a woman.

Aumatma Simmons, ND, FABNE, MS

Yes. Let’s go deeper. I want the deep stuff.

Zachary Feder

All right, you got it. There’s superficial support. Is she being provided for? Is she being respected?  Is she being nurtured? To some degree. But that’s the deeper piece; there’s a surface level of support, and then there’s what nurturing means, which relates to who her partner is.  Whether we’re in a non-binary relationship or a traditional relationship, it doesn’t matter. Is her partner able to act as a container for her? I teach this to many men, and I teach it to women too. Because what the woman is, I think, is a fundamental archetype of feminine needs, and once again, we have it in both of us.  But men have a feminine interiority as well, even if it is tiny for some men out there. Blessings to all. But the deeper nurturing, which is training, is where the partner becomes masculine and holds the container. It’s a psycho-emotional container. It is in enormous amounts of attunement. You are listening, but you are not just listening to the issue. 

This is the classic thing: men and women squabbling, couples squabbling. It’s not about the squabble. Stop squabbling. She’s not upset that you didn’t do the dishes. You haven’t taken out the trash or raised it. She’s not upset about that. It’s an emotion within her that is rising to be metabolized, and it’s unconscious. What she needs from you is a partner in that moment to say, Hold on, I see something is rumbling from within. We can see, but why don’t we sit down, and then you stay very attuned and you hold the container, by which I mean you turn off the damn phone because the container cannot be contaminated? You close the door, and you allow her to descend into the basement. Where resides the grief, the pain, the angst, or whatever it is? If the partner is secure enough and unflinching enough so that they are not afraid, then the tears will come, and she will begin to move that energy. She will begin to do those dishes, and they’ll rise to a peak. It’ll hit a plateau, and then it’ll taper off. Boom, processing session time. 

We need to be doing that probably once a week if not once every two weeks. It’s just astonishing, staggering, and grief-inducing to know how many women and men are going through life. Not only not knowing that this is a thing, but actively avoiding it because they think it’s some internal demon that is stalking them. Then they must have run from it; now it’s yourself calling out for care and processing of this unruly, painful content that isn’t going to go anywhere anyway, and it’s only going to continue to accumulate. Of course, this is what we see when God blesses our parents or grandparents. Those who are within are more or less our generation. You just look at your parents and your grandparents. God bless them all. But the majority of them are unbelievably dissociated.

Aumatma Simmons, ND, FABNE, MS

Yes, everything you said is powerful. I find that in the work that we do with couples, a lot of times the men or the masculine are the ones that are holding the container in that experience, which is what you pointed out earlier with just being checked out. That’s part A, but B, I think the deeper is that they don’t always have the skill set to hold the container. That’s something that hasn’t been taught right and is not being passed down. It’s not that children are mimicking it because it’s missing. As much as the feminine is in this place of not being held and able to express all of those things, it’s partly that the masculine is also diverted into something that has it. It’s new. This is not how it usually has been.

Zachary Feder

Absolutely. Those men need to be initiated. There’s an old saying, which is that only a man can initiate a man. A man cannot be initiated by a woman. It’s just not going to happen. The wife or the partner—the feminine partner—can’t force the man to do that work that’s going to get in the way, too. I’ve been there many times. If my wife just keeps bitching at the husband, he’s going to dissociate more, period. I support a lot of women in a process that I’ve never spoken about publicly. But I guess maybe we’ll explore it and see where we go with it. But how do I work with this, because this is another megatrend? You have the woman who’s been doing some form of personal development on herself for several years, and the man has not been. I always say that what takes place in a couple is that the woman starts to evolve and the tether between them starts to stretch because he’s not doing anything. That is also what is happening at the macro level with feminism; for 400 years, women have been on it. I think for a hundred years men haven’t even necessarily understood what’s been taking place, and they’re just waking up right now. You guys are asking for all this weird stuff, and you’re demanding, and you’re in this new place in the world. Where did this come from? It’s yes, it’s been a long time coming, and okay, what I recommend and what works with women, and in that scenario, you have to forgive my pauses here because this is a process and I don’t know if I’ve ever condensed it to a particular soundbite, but here’s the deal. This is the burden and responsibility of feminism: the woman in that relationship has to hold on to her anger and her fire. She has to almost begin to be a practitioner with her husband. If she starts to bitch, she’s losing her power. She’s leaking it away. If she starts to whine, she’s leaking it away. 

Women first hate this, and then they love it when they suddenly realize, this is a whole other level of empowerment. They are all in for it. But in the beginning, they’re tearing their hair out because they’re ridiculous. You’re saying that a lot of women have been pulling their bootstraps up with feminism for 100 years, and now we have to pull up their bootstraps, not the men’s bootstraps. I’m, Yes, you. It’s not that you’re pulling up their bootstraps, but you have to. I’ll give you the intervention. As I almost phrase it, you’re sitting with your man; he’s doing his thing. What you want to do is start tracking how he is avoiding himself. First, you have to be an expert on him. You don’t bitch at him, and you don’t throw on his face. You become an expert in his patterns. What is he doing to avoid it, and what are you going to notice? If you have to start tuning in to him and listening, you have to be the container first. That’s healthy masculinity. The unhealthy masculine is the Medusa archetype. The woman just goes crazy, the man turns to stone, and she shouts at him. That doesn’t help. No. You have to hold the Medusa archetype in as much as it wants to come out. You have to look at him, and you have to be so unbelievably attuned so that you start to realize and start to track. When he feels existential grief, his inner children start to come up, and you will watch it. If you are married to someone, you will watch their periodicals with your husband. He starts to feel the grief come up, and then he will push it down with a drink and, with it, smoke whatever it is. It doesn’t matter. You have to start tracking them, and then you have to start moving toward him, not a predator stalking prey. But it’s a loving support that is tracking him with a tune. It’s the way a parent would work with a child who’s having a difficult time. You’re stalking the support to get their grief out. That’s what you’re stalking. You’re not stalking. Take advantage of them. You’re stalking them so that they can connect with that place that they’re terrified of. 

I always say there’s going to be a woman if you start to practice; this is going to be a moment. Rather, when you start to practice what you say to your husband, do you feel that thing right there? They’re going to look at you. What the f? What are you talking about? Do you feel that thing right there in your chest? Because if you stalk it long enough and are attuned to it long enough, you will watch. Women are so intuitive; you will feel the emotion rise, and you’ll almost see it rising into their chest. You will see them flush. You’ll see the redness come over here. You will see their eyes start to water. That’s the moment you start to work on it, and you’re working on it to come out, and you have to be the strong one in that moment. They’re going to be disassociated. They’re going to go. What the hell is going on? It doesn’t matter. You take them through that process; you become the expert then. If you do that and succeed in it, at some point they’re going to realize that she’s right. I am sitting on a fucking garbage dump, and I need to address this. I also need to stop being played a weird fiddle by my wife, even though I love it and it feels good. This is getting too much. I need to up my game, and that’s what catalyzes them to do the work.

Aumatma Simmons, ND, FABNE, MS

I think it’s. Yes. In the realm of fertility, there’s so much pressure. It’s the pressure cooker that’s real.  The woman has all of these things going on. She’s experiencing trauma every single month; this is not happening. Why can’t I get pregnant when that trauma is accumulating? Then simultaneously, I feel the men have experienced equal amounts of trauma. They just don’t express it, and they don’t have the space to express it because this is about her. I’m curious if you have suggestions on how they come. Maybe they’re taking turns being the container for each other, because in this context it’s specific, and if they’re just able to process the emotions that are coming up within that journey, that would massively alleviate the stress that is in the pressure cooker.

Zachary Feder

Yes, exactly. That, let’s be clear. There’s a comprehensive approach to this. It’s not always easy to just bring it forward in half an hour. But if I were to, and of course, for many people, it’s also difficult because they don’t necessarily even have the resources or the time to address all this stuff. I just have a lot of sympathy for them. I say I’ve been through my journey on both sides of the equation about infertility. I’m no stranger to this subject whatsoever. Even with the best will in the world, sometimes life has different options for us, and we have to trust that there is a reason for that. We do have to trust that even if it doesn’t work, whether it’s an option for adoption or surrogacy or getting close to a dear family close to you, they don’t have a big family, and you get to be the aunt. I go even more; there are so many different options, and we do have to trust those. Because I have seen that twisting life’s arm too much can create collateral damage down the line in other ways. But maybe to come back to your point, your question, because we do want to bring it back to fertility, and thank you for that. For those who are serious, get in touch with an amazing practitioner, and people can certainly reach out to me. I have an amazing referral network, but I approach it. It’s four different ways. I think I covered the first. 

The first is just current life conditions. Why is the woman feeling supported if what we just talked about can, to some degree, get online? That would be unbelievable. She can be processing all of this stuff within her, and that’s just day-to-day stuff as well. But it will be connected to the second piece, which is that oftentimes there’s childhood trauma that affects infertility. Sexual trauma can affect infertility.  We also want to identify any possible connection to traumas that are in the domain of the reproductive organs. I give people an example. You got Hashimoto’s, which is usually going to be some trauma. speaking the truth, speaking your voice, speaking out. If you’re going to have this heart condition, there’s going to be heartbreak as part of it, but also not walking your mission. The biggest heartbreak in life is that we are doing what we’re not supposed to be doing. The liver, all the different organs, all the different chakras—they all have kinds of associative emotions and dysfunctions that can happen to them. They’re related to the teeth; they’re related to the vertebrae. When it comes to the reproductive organs, things like re-occurring UTIs can be an indication of unconscious or unhealed trauma. Endometriosis can point to ovarian cysts and all this stuff. What we want to bring to the allopathic world is that, yes, it is absolutely important to address that biologically, whatever the appropriate intervention is. But if we’re not addressing the upstream psycho-emotional and energetic patterns, we’re just going to be chasing symptoms because that downstream effect on biology is going to keep happening. Current life conditions, personal trauma, and then, of course, ancestral trauma as a whole.

Aumatma Simmons, ND, FABNE, MS

Yes, we needed another 45 minutes, at least.

Zachary Feder

We do our best.

Aumatma Simmons, ND, FABNE, MS

This is awesome. I’m wondering if there were any actionable things that people could do to just have a small shift in their awareness and their ability to process. For women who are struggling with fertility right now, do you have a tip or a tool?

Zachary Feder

Yes, I have too many tools to mention, but I think what I would do is maybe just offer another elaboration on what we discussed because I think that was what seemed to want to come forth in our conversation today. I would invite the couple, and I would invite the woman to lead the charge on this. That’s a challenging thing. But you can do it. It would be to get in touch with the emotions within that might be stuck and to develop a practice where you sit and invite your husband. There’s going to be a period where you’re going to have to play both roles. You’re going to have to play the role of the person who’s trying to descend into the body to metabolize the pain that that grief is going to bring. Let the tears come and feel help where you can let go fully into the feminine so that he is holding the masculine right, that masculine boundary, the wall of the symbol of the masculine that says, I will protect you and nothing will get in. 

That’s the archetypal symbol of the masculine. you will have to be not just doing the dissent and working those angles within you, but also offering him some coaching to some degree. I would say any woman who is going through a fertility challenge would benefit tremendously from getting in touch as deeply as possible with their body with their grief. Then underneath, with the chakras associated with those reproductive organs feeling into them, talking, and starting to understand what’s going on. I can offer another, maybe another, tool if you have to go somewhere else. It’s a constellation tool that might offer some clues about where healing might be beneficial in the context of fertility.

Aumatma Simmons, ND, FABNE, MS

Yes, let’s do it.

Zachary Feder

For those who are not familiar with family constellations, it’s an amazing modality that was developed by Bert Hellinger. I would offer one quick disclaimer: Do not share this modality with anyone or your husband if he’s an enormous materialist, a skeptic, or has trouble feeling. Don’t do that because the whole thing will be ruined. Only work it out privately with yourself before showing it to anyone else, because it’s a modality that gets you very much in touch with your body, and oftentimes in startling, very intense ways. People are very shocked by this. Tears often come extremely quickly. You want to be very respectful of the process. You want to take it as a real practice that’s going to connect you with the spirit of this soul that you’re hoping to bring into the world. Try to understand what may be clues we can garner from why that might not be happening. 

What I would invite is to get yourself a tabletop area, a space you can work with, and have it clean. Then I would invite maybe 10 bottles—supplement bottles, tincture bottles, pill bottles of different sizes—and line them up on the left or right side, ready to be represented as representatives of the constellation. I’ll explain how we’re going to use that. You would line them all up, and the only other qualifiers are that they all need a label because you need to know where the front of the bottle is because the front of the bottle is where the person is going to be looking. We need to know where our eyes are. It’s a very animalistic, reptilian part of the brain that we need to know where people are looking. It’s very important because it suggests many things, such as love or the absence of it, which in turn can affect all areas of life, including fertility. 

When you’re ready, what I would do is take three deep breaths. I would bring your awareness into your body. I would just take some time to welcome whatever is there. Painful emotion, I might write about it because we don’t want to. But, asking for your facts, the constellation’s regular basis is, of course, its emotional metabolism. We have meaning. We should not be walking around life-consuming sometimes. Everything you feel within you is to you for support of whatever that unpleasant situation is, and it will infer what it needs emotionally. It might need trust; it might need compassion, forgiveness, or love, whatever that is. You find a word or phrase, and you just begin to speak. You get into that pain, and what you’ll find is that you’ll get better at this. What we’ll do is that’s the beginning of the metabolization process. 

At first, when you feel it for many people, I will also qualify that it will get louder. Do not think it is getting worse because you are doing this. All that’s happening is that you are suddenly becoming more aware of what’s always been there. You’re becoming less dissociated. Yes, it will increase amplification. That’s normal. This is practice. It’s just a gym practice like any other. You get good at it, and you get strong at it. You would feel whatever’s there; give it some care. Once again, it would rise to a peak, hit a plateau, and taper off. Then you can metabolize. It’s going to dissolve a little bit. Then you’re good. Once you feel good, you can step into the constellation. 

The first move I would make would be to take, or I should say, choose a bottle to represent you. This is not a thinking process; I want you to feel which bottle feels best to you in all different sizes of bottles. They will all represent certain things about ourselves. You feel your way to the bottle that feels like you. Then very slowly, you feel where you are standing in life right now and where you are facing. By which I mean, are you just squarely in the center of life, facing forward? Are you in the corner, looking and making sure you can see everybody? Are you standing on the edge, looking over the precipice where you stand? Nothing is good or bad. It’s just what feels right. That’s what we’re getting because this whole process is about gaining data, gaining understanding, gaining clues, and, to some degree, of course, feeling. Yes, absolutely. 

You choose the one for you and replace you in the constellation. Where are you standing? Where are you looking? Move it around until you feel that’s where I could take another couple of deep breaths, then slowly turn to another bottle to represent your partner, with whom you are hoping to bring this life into the world, and slowly bring that bottle into the constellation. This is a very important moment. Feel. Not what’s good or bad, just what feels right, just for feeling what? Where is your partner standing about you? Where are they looking in a relationship with you in life? Place them where it feels right, and then just notice. That will give you some indication of the relationship in some way. 

There are some principles to this. You can also notice that, usually, the right side of the body is masculine, the left side of the body is feminine, and the same works for family trees of anagrams and constellations. Consider who is on the left: the masculine person; should they be in the appropriate position? You want to just notice that, and of course, you want to notice the intimacy, the connection. Are we looking in the same direction, or are we looking in opposite directions? All of these are data points that we want to use. If there’s emotion that comes up, we want to go through the same process of just caring for ourselves. Then, once you’ve gone through that, you take a moment and you connect to that soul you want to bring in. 

I will say that’s a whole other topic around conscious conception, hyper-conscious conception around bringing as much awareness and attention to the process of conceiving. Once again, a simple thing I can just offer is that you want to make a very deep conscious connection to that child. I have an intuition. You probably already talk about this a lot. So, yes, thank you for that. What you would do is make that connection, and then slowly choose it to represent that child, and then slowly bring the bottle into the constellation place. Where does it feel like the child is standing? Where does it feel like it’s looking? That once again, is going to give you a lot of clues around the tether. The connection between all three members. We don’t have to go into too many details, and we know we’re almost out of time here. 

But that’s going to already give you an idea of the homeostatic foundation upon which this new life is attempting to be created. It’s going to give you a sense of what the lay of the land looks like and if everything’s in order or if everything’s in the most beneficial positions for that to take place. You can also add to this with parents; it will suddenly get extremely complicated very quickly. I might not recommend that entirely, but what you’re going to notice is that you’re going to notice where their general activity is. Where’s their health, healing, support, and love, and where is it? Maybe not as much. What I would offer is that you take it very compassionately with a lot of care, but those would be the clues where you say, Okay, this is pointing to something we need to work on that would support our process of fertility, then close it there.

Aumatma Simmons, ND, FABNE, MS

Yes, that’s beautiful. I love it. I have never heard of doing this with bottles, so I’m very excited to see it. I’m going to try it out myself, and then hopefully other people will try it as well. We’d love to hear how this process goes for people and what you’re able to release out of it because, at the end of the day, the intention is just to observe and let go.

Zachary Feder

To be clear, what’s the constellation going to do first? Yes, it will reveal what’s there. Okay. We want to be very compassionate and forgiving with ourselves and with our family unit around whatever comes up. But what it does is point very clearly to where we need to bring attention, where we need to bring care, and where certain things might need to be resolved. You could almost say that the entire second part of the constellation is doing that. It’s all about how you go about identifying. You know, how can we support this? 

Aumatma Simmons, ND, FABNE, MS

Awesome. Also, thank you so much for sharing two very powerful tips and tools that people can use and bring into their lives to help support their fertility journey. Thank you for being with us today. This was an insightful conversation. Where can people find you and connect with you?

Zachary Feder

Yes, they can find me at zacharyfeder.com or swordandthread.com, which is where I do all of my training and my teaching around half of the practitioner training, which is one of my favorite training on the planet as well as some others. A lot revolves around emotional metabolizing and getting in alignment with your mission. 

Thank you, Dr. Aumatma. Thank you so much for what you’re doing. I want to just extend my care and my blessings to all of the families out there who are going through this. I have a sense of what you’re going through. I’ve been through my version of it, and I just keep trusting and don’t give up. You know, good things will still happen. I guarantee it.

Aumatma Simmons, ND, FABNE, MS

Beautiful. Thank you. Thank you again for being with us. For those of you listening. We’ll see you again very soon. Take care, and have a blessed day.