Enhance Fertility By Healing Emotional Barriers

Raj Jana

Yes. It’s so good to see you.

Aumatma Simmons, ND, FABNE, MS

It’s good to see you. Let’s start with mindset and emotions. In your perspective, what do they have to do with fertility, health, and overall well-being, and how are you walking through the world?

Raj Jana

Yes, I have to think of, and this is my belief, and Melissa, my team shares, and what I’ve seen across the board is that your body knows how to heal. Like when you get a paper cut, you don’t have to do anything for the body to heal; it naturally heals itself. I do believe that we, as bodies and as vessels, are constantly wanting to get better and wanting to heal. I also know that underneath the hood, there are programs, beliefs, traumas, and aspects of ourselves that are stopping the body from doing what it naturally does well. When we think about emotions, we don’t think about shame as a toxin or anger as a toxin. 

We don’t think about these limiting beliefs that I don’t matter, that I’m not worthy of love, having a family, or these programs that are running in our background. We don’t count that as this is creating this problem in front of me right now. But what we’ve seen is that when your body is in this state of either survival and it’s in a state of fight or flight, when you’re not when you’re constantly worried about what’s going to happen next and you’re constantly worrying about something not happening, you’re creating the environment that makes it hard for your body to do what it wants to do, which is to create, which is to get better, which is to have that vitality and that energy, to do the things that we want to do in the world. By ignoring this very fundamental aspect of health, you’re preventing the body from just doing the amazing things that it can and has always been able to do.

Aumatma Simmons, ND, FABNE, MS

Yes. You said a crucial thing there, which is your body wants to create. I often say this to fertility patients, especially because fertility is creation at its core.  Like we’re creating new life. There’s nothing greater than what we can create in our lives in so many ways. We can create businesses and all of that. It’s great, but that fundamental creation mode is hardwired into our bodies.

Raj Jana

DNA: Yes, that’s what our body was put here to create. Yes, pass on the genes, because if we didn’t, then we’d be wiped out as a species.

Aumatma Simmons, ND, FABNE, MS

Yes. In reality, that’s exactly what’s happening. We’re seeing massive rises in fertility. 14 years ago, when I started specializing. Fertility rates were one in eight couples between 18 and 35. The current statistics are somewhere between one in five and one in six. It’s drastically going up. In 20 years, we’re likely to see most men not have any sperm. Like, no viable sperm, which is 20 years old, is just around the corner. We are seeing that this shift is slowly happening. I feel like it’s going a little bit under the radar because it’s not in the media. It’s not in the buzz. People aren’t focused on it until it’s their issue. No one ever says, Hey, let me prepare my body so that I don’t have fertility issues. But when it becomes an issue or when it’s not happening, then people go into freakout mode. Either way, it’s very interesting because when we come from this place, we are put here to create, and that’s what our bodies know to do. Then, similar to what you said, if it’s not happening, there’s a reason that it’s not happening. From an emotional, deeper trauma mindset, what are the things that you see standing in the way when creation is not happening? The way that our bodies have been designed?

Raj Jana

Yes. I think there are a lot of beliefs that are either programmed by ourselves or that we learned in childhood, such as the way we see the world and the way we think the world exists. If we see everyone else around us getting pregnant and we’re not, that triggers the belief that maybe I’m not enough. Maybe my body is capable of doing this. If that’s what you believe, the mind-body link means your body is going to respond to what you believe. That’s ultimately what we’re seeing. The biological beliefs of Bruce Lipton are all documented. There are a lot smarter people than me who have created oodles of research that support this idea that when our minds are not in alignment with what we want, unconsciously or consciously, we create the environments that we’re stuck in. If you constantly think that there’s something wrong with you that’s just creating more noise and stress.

Aumatma Simmons, ND, FABNE, MS

You’ve just nailed every limiting belief that most women about the fertility struggle have. Which are, that I’m not good enough, something’s wrong with me. I’m not capable of doing this. I’m wondering if something is wrong if I don’t get pregnant right away. I think that the early belief system that we inherit is that fertility should never be an issue. I’m going to get pregnant right away. If I don’t prevent pregnancy, it’s going to happen when I don’t want it to happen. Then you go from that your whole life to now instantly wanting to get pregnant and your bodies. Wait, what? I’ve enjoyed voidness for 30 years, 40 years, or whatever amount of time. That shift is hard, but then when it doesn’t happen instantly, it’s also just as hard to not feel, that something’s wrong with me, or, my God, I’m never going to have this thing that I want.

Raj Jana

I think there are those systemic beliefs that you mentioned that we grow up around fairytales, right around how they’re supposed to be. Then, when it doesn’t measure up to that fairy tale, we internalize it as our fault, our problem. What I often tell people is advised, rather than internalized. What if you paused and challenged the other belief instead? Instead of it being, Hey, there’s something wrong with me, it’s, what if this statistic is B.S. and start looking for reasons. There are so many amazing doctors yourself that say, Hey, look, just because you were not getting pregnant the first time does not mean that you cannot get pregnant. Surrounding yourself with more energy will shape systemic beliefs. But then, on the other side of that, you are also doing the work to shift the way that the faith that you have in your body creates. That’s the process of doing the work. That’s the deeper work that you get to do. But in our eyes, I mean, we do a lot of work with different types of health communities—autoimmune cancer, you name it. What we’ve seen in our health communities is that when you shift these beliefs about yourself, the body responds positively, blood panels get better, and cortisol numbers reduce. We’ve seen these improvements. Now it’s not just lip service. There’s and there’s so much research on the importance of shifting the mind to be in alignment with you and the impact that makes on health. I think fertility is the same in a lot of ways.

Aumatma Simmons, ND, FABNE, MS

Yes. I agree. I feel you got to those belief systems pretty quickly, and those are the primary belief systems that most of the women that we’ve worked with have and that they keep repeating. Like people don’t, I don’t know if they already have that belief system that I’m not good enough. Then fertility triggers something that makes it more intense. Or if it’s a new belief system that just, instantaneously pops up. But my suspicion is probably a lie.

Raj Jana

I have a perspective on this, and we won’t fully know that each person’s going to be unique.

Aumatma Simmons, ND, FABNE, MS

Sure.

Raj Jana

This is why each person is unique. But from my viewpoint, you can’t fire off a gun that isn’t loaded kind of thing. If you didn’t have that belief already or if you had a different belief, let’s say you grew up with the belief system that you are incredible and enough and all this stuff, and then something bad happens. Your first thought isn’t, there’s something wrong with me. It’s,  What’s going on here? It may not be the first internalization. I do think that if you already have something underneath the hood, this amplifies it. I can only emphasize this because I’m not a woman. I’m not birthing, and I can’t empathize. I can’t put myself in the shoes of what that would feel if you just got this news. It could be both. It could be a combination of both. 

What I think is most beneficial is that if you come into this belief system, whatever it is to me, it’s an opportunity to pause as opposed to spinning into the trigger. Because by spinning the trigger, you’re just creating more noise, more stress, and more chaos. But when you can pause and just take a second and recognize that you’re in that trigger, which is mindfulness, that is one of the first tools we teach to anyone in our communities. It’s when you have a piece of bad news that shows up, whether it’s your labs and they’re just not getting better or whether it’s whatever it might be. Before you spin, pause, and you pause and breathe. Can you recognize that your nervous system is spinning right now and it’s making an assumption about the information you just received? It doesn’t mean it’s true.

Aumatma Simmons, ND, FABNE, MS

I like that. Not allowing the trigger to take over and just recognizing that belief is not necessarily the truth. It’s just what our nervous system is bringing up as a response to dealing with whatever is happening.

Raj Jana

Yes, and I like to think of these responses as little children that are just lodged away in our bodies. Think of it as this little six-year-old who doesn’t have as much information about what’s going on. This thing happened, and it’s just, something must be wrong with me. That loop is just going. It’s this unconscious loop that’s getting triggered. When we can even create that spaciousness and say, okay, look, yes, I’m freaking out right now, and how would I want to calm down this scared little six-year-old inside me that thinks that the world is over, that believes that all of her dreams are crushed, that believes that nothing is fixable? My God. All that part of you is the part that we get to re-parent in a lot of ways. We love to learn to hold space because it’s not that that part of you is right or wrong; it’s just that part of abuse, having an experience. How many times have you had moments where you just had emotional outbreaks and you didn’t need anyone to fix you? You just need to be heard; you need to be seen. You need to let it out, and you will feel better.

Aumatma Simmons, ND, FABNE, MS

Yes. Absolutely. It’s awareness. How do we build this skill set? Because I don’t, I think it’s not a skill set that’s innate, at least for our generation. I feel like so many of us just weren’t taught this. They were how we modeled this. I don’t know about your parents, but my parents had no concept of this. I see it in how I’m parenting as a parent of, okay, how could I slow this down for a second and acknowledge that? Instead of stopping a tantrum. It’s better to slow down and be. I understand that you’re feeling x-y-z about whatever this is that is happening right now. Yes. It’s okay for you to feel that way, and we’re still doing whatever I said. We’re doing fine. But I’m going to pause. Have you been acknowledged in your emotions, regardless of what needs to happen?

Raj Jana

Yes, there are so few points in that. One is: how do you build awareness—the skill of awareness? I’m a big fan of using wearables and trackers. If you can have them, a CGM is a fantastic tool. Any time you have stressful events, you’ll see a blood sugar spike in a lot of ways, because blood sugar is tied to stress in so many ways. Being able to monitor a CGM and just being able to see, I had a trigger that elevated me. That’s a great place to start noticing when you’re in it. That’s the first. The first step is just being able to catch yourself when you’re in it and use the cheat codes. Use the HRV monitors, use the CGM, and those are cheat codes that exist today that you can just use. The second piece is those relationships. For me, relationships are the earliest in my life. I don’t know if you’re one of the people you work with. Well, intimate relationships and spousal relationships are usually the source of a lot of triggers. When you can catch yourself going into any level of a negative spiral of emotion, everything from annoyance to boredom to anger to shame, whatever it might be, and it’s another person that’s triggering that can, in that moment, just pause after every single time you get into any type of trigger, an argument with a loved one or somebody in your life, can you just get into a practice of reflection? 

It doesn’t have to happen at the moment. But you said, at the end of the day, ask yourself a few questions: What were the triggers that happened throughout your day and in those moments? I think it’s just the practice of paying attention. I know that sounds super simple. But if you make it a habit to reflect each day on your triggers and on the beautiful and positive things in your life, which we call glimmers, the glimmers are the light, the beautiful things to be grateful for, and the moments of all wonder. Get into the habit of tracking those two daily. Over time, you’ll develop. You won’t need the CGM. You’ll just be like, yes, that thing put me in a tailspin. I’m or these thoughts are taking me off-track, and you’ll get a better awareness of what’s happening in your whole system.

Aumatma Simmons, ND, FABNE, MS

Yes. Okay. I like that. It’s simple enough that we could all do it.

Raj Jana

This is where I find myself in my journey and with all the clients that we worked with, in terms of health and the pursuit of creation. That, in general, is the greatest mirror. These journeys bring up a lot for us, but I believe that from a larger 60,000-foot spiritual level, these challenges and triggers will be experienced. You’re all here to help us become more aware. Shifting the frame from, okay, I have this trigger from a being, my life is over to, what is this here to teach me? How can I respond differently? How is this making me more emotionally resilient? Even having that type of frame around your journey is only going to allow you to be more prepared as those waves happen. Because you can’t stop the waves from happening. They’re going to come. It is what it is. Believe that we can shift the way we respond and how we surf that wave. Over time, that does become the muscle of awareness.

Aumatma Simmons, ND, FABNE, MS

Amazing. Yes, I think that I can see how this is very useful. Would you say that there is something specific that you ought to be asking yourself, or is it more? A lot of people talk about journaling, and I’ve never, but some of the questions in your app are unique, and they have helped to get deeper. I always feel better after I write stuff about it. There’s some experience that’s happening in the way that those questions are being asked. Are there any specific questions that people should focus on as they’re doing this reflection every day? Or is it just to start with reflection?

Raj Jana

if everybody who was listening a lot was speaking to the Liber8 App, which is something that you can get access to if you join any of our programs. Now the app is, we’re teaching that in those moments, you feel those triggers. Document it. Because our entire frame is that when you pay attention to the triggers, you can start to see the trends in them. Over time, as you start to see the trends, you can start to see how to stop being triggered altogether. That’s why a lot of our programs are around. How do we just remove this fear of not being enough? How do we just remove this worry that you’ll never be somewhere? How do we completely eradicate this fear of the unknown and replace it with faith and trust in ourselves, in a higher power, and in whatever we believe in? That’s a lot of the work that we’re doing in terms of our programs now. 

When it comes to reflection, my eyes are just coming to a place of self-love. Everything comes back to self-love. If we look at a bad day, we receive news that we don’t want to receive. If we argue with a loved one, at the end of the day, can you come back to just appreciating yourself for showing up all the ways that you did? I say this because most people tried to learn the lesson and tried to find the thing without just giving themselves grace for being human beings. A big part of reflection is giving yourself grace, and just, Hey, you have triggers, okay? I love you, Raj. You had a tough day today. If you hurt somebody in the process, it’s reflection—just seeing how you played a part, but forgiving yourself. 

Then from there, I saw what this trigger was and tried to teach me what was being triggered. Because a lot of times when we get triggered about anything when I see a trigger, it’s this spike. It’s a reactive response to something that doesn’t feel rational in some way. Or sometimes it is that you’ve got the lab results back and you’re, totally irrational right now. They are rational. Sometimes they’re not. Sometimes they’re just, You didn’t do the dishes for the 15th time, and I just exploded on you. Like, those are both emotional reactions, but I think taking the time to sit there and say, okay, this reaction I had, what’s the thing, that needs the thing. Because it’s I, just exploded on you for not doing the dishes, It rarely is about the dishes.

Aumatma Simmons, ND, FABNE, MS

Sure.

Raj Jana

It’s usually a laundry list of resentments, feelings, things that have needs that haven’t been met, of boundaries that have been getting crossed over and over again. You’re not feeling heard, or appreciated. These are the feelings. When you zoom out you ask yourself these questions, okay, what am I feeling? then from there, developing that for me, the next part of reflection is having conversations with the people that triggered you. But it doesn’t mean productive to do that. Once you’ve done this reflection exercise of coming back and just asking yourself what was getting triggered and what wasn’t being matched, What boundary did they cross?

Aumatma Simmons, ND, FABNE, MS

Yes, man. So many questions from there? If in relationships, you’ve said earlier that relationships, especially spousal relationships, are the ones closest to us, tend to be the biggest opportunities to see our triggers. What do we do in those situations? Because oftentimes, you’ve had a trigger that then triggered something else, so that it becomes this, mish-mash of.

Raj Jana

Or it’s a whole fun little bundle of joy. One of the tips that I want to give is a few tips for any couples that might be listening to this or anybody who wants to have tools that they can use when they’re in an argument with a loved one or triggering energy. One is to think of, when somebody is in a trigger, instead of it being me versus you, let’s make it us versus the trigger. Shifting that frame, I’m triggered because of something you did or said, and instead of pointing at it, you can say, Hey, I’m experiencing a lot of this right now. You triggered it, but it’s something that’s happening within me, and I don’t know where it’s coming from. Can we talk about it? This is what I’m feeling right now. 

In a lot of our programs, we guide people through guided explorations of trying to see, this feeling of not feeling heard. This has been a feeling that’s been showing up for a long time. Like when I was 16, I had these experiences, and I think that you’re just triggering something that’s been this old thing stuck. We guide couples through that type of exploration in our programs. But I think just one there is you and me versus the trigger. I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at this trigger. Can you help me work it out? It’s different.

Aumatma Simmons, ND, FABNE, MS

Yes. Even in that exercise, does it take awareness for both people to say, this is the trigger; let’s let’s work through it, or is it on one? Is it on the triggered person to be aware that it’s their trigger? I need your help.

Raj Jana

It’s good. There’s a lot of nuance. I do believe this is a lot easier when both parties are on board with supporting one another in this way because I can only imagine the journey of getting pregnant. There’s a lot that comes up on both sides.

Aumatma Simmons, ND, FABNE, MS

Absolutely.

Raj Jana

Bringing both parties on board to recognize that, Hey, look, we’re on this team together. We both want to get pregnant, but I don’t. The bringing of our energy together, I think, is pretty foundational. I would say that it does not necessarily require it. I think one partner can inspire awareness and the other by being vulnerable. There have been a lot of times in my relationships with my partners where I’ve been the first one to wave the white flag. That has led to a lot of beautiful experiences and connections. I can’t say what’s right or wrong for each couple that has to do their exploration. But just coming back to the second point of do you and me versus this trigger, but just remember this trigger. 

If you look at it, it’s a four-year-old having this big experience. It’s not this adult partner that you love. This adult partner that you love does not want to feel triggered right now. You probably want to feel happy, joyous, trusting, ecstatic, positive, inspired, and loving. They probably want to feel that way. When you get to anchor into that, that is how they want to feel this trigger: this four-year-old child that’s just freaking out right now that allows you and is beautiful. I’m having this awareness right now of the beauty of the journey of fertility. How beautiful could it be if both partners could learn to hold space for a child together? 

Aumatma Simmons, ND, FABNE, MS

Yes. Because they’re going to do it in real-time.

Raj Jana

In real-time and in real soon. Let’s get into the practice of holding that loving space for your little four-year-olds in the same way that you would hold space for your future four-year-old. That’s how we teach core.

Aumatma Simmons, ND, FABNE, MS

That was step number one, is there more?

Raj Jana

Layered in six in there.

Aumatma Simmons, ND, FABNE, MS

High-value there?

Raj Jana

Now what was the question again?

Aumatma Simmons, ND, FABNE, MS

If it was instead you against your partner, it’s you both against the trigger. That’s tip number one. Or are there other things—other tools—that couples can use to navigate this journey, which ends up bringing up a lot of stuff interpersonally?

Raj Jana

Yes, I think the other tip of just recognizing the four-year-old in your and your partner’s life is a big one. That’s one that I think has changed my life in many ways. I think the combination of that, if I think of other tools, knowing your own and how you regulate stress is important. Each person is going to regulate stress differently. Doing the work together to understand each other’s stress regulations and doing the work to understand each other’s core emotional wounds—for me, my deepest core emotional wound as a child is rejection. When I get into conversations with others, if I hear my partner raise their voice, I shut down. I can’t even hear what they have to say because it’s just that I go into this state of not being safe. I can’t open up. 

When I communicate with my partner. Okay, look, this is how that makes me feel. My partner takes note of it. Now, the next time we’re in conflict, she doesn’t raise her voice. She communicates with my scared little child in the same way that she would want me to communicate with her scared little child. I think the third tip would be to get to know each other’s scared little children. Get to know them. The way you get to know them is by recognizing that when you’re in conflict, the goal is not to be right. The goal is not to win the argument. The goal is to help each other feel safe. Because when you feel safe, you naturally come back to a state of love. That’s another tip: don’t try to win the argument at the moment; establish the connection; breathe together; and that’s probably the last thing you want to do. To me, getting words out of the question and just breathing, sinking up your breathing together, is one of the most powerful tools that I found in my journey and a lot of the couples that we’ve seen and supported, that’s just getting into a rhythm about regulating even for 30 seconds, just breathe together and then come back and to me, doing and integrating practices that, I wish I could just give you a tool. Like, yes, the magic pill. It’s going to solve everything, but that’s not how it works.

Aumatma Simmons, ND, FABNE, MS

Yes, it sounds like practicing. Again, we don’t have the skill sets and tools built in. When things come up that are challenging, the partners must come to the table with, Okay, we’re going to do this practice for a while and see how we feel.

Raj Jana

Totally. That’s it. It’s not comparing yourself to anyone else outside. Everybody’s journey is going to be unique. This is truly a you versus you kind of journey, and looking at it, how can I create a home that is most conducive to the health journey and to the results that I desire? I need my partner to become pregnant. If it’s this; we need each other to do this. How can we co-create that environment together? I think if that’s the North Star, how do we co-create this environment together? If it allows, then all the triggers—it’s all the tools that I mentioned here, plus any of the programs or offers that we have—and everything that comes after that. But the goal still has to be that you are co-creating this experience together and that we are caring for each other’s nervous systems just as much as we would our own.

Aumatma Simmons, ND, FABNE, MS

How much does past trauma in that particular relationship pop up? Because I find that a lot of times, by the time people come to work with us, they’ve already been struggling with fertility for a while. They already have whatever relationship dynamics and fertility is interesting because in one way it will bring out the desire for co-creation, which I think is powerful. But there is going to be a heightened possibility that if that co-creation doesn’t happen or it doesn’t happen quickly enough, one partner will check out. I guess all that to say, it’s a complex playground that we’re on, but in that place, how much is the old stuff coming in and, over a while, the nervous system?

Raj Jana

This is such a complex question; it truly is unique for every single human being. I cannot overstate that because trauma is incredibly complex and we’re still beginning to understand the implications of childhood trauma right in our eyes, and as children, as we experience any level of emotional neglect, physical abuse, whatever it might be, they all create imprints in our neurology and our nervous system that then contribute to chronic stress. Think of it as you have this computer, and you’ve got a bunch of programs and tabs up that aren’t even being used, but they’re just taking up space. It’s hard to think about all these different little traumas and big traumas and all the things that might be just stored in our unconscious minds. 

What I do know to be true is that if a patient comes in ahead of time and they have all these stressors, there could be a lot of routes to the stressors. It could be the childhood trauma that is contributing to the stressors. There could be just the overall fatigue of the fertility journey that’s contributing to the stress. I don’t want to take away from the trauma that’s happening today too. It’s all traumatic. Everything is contributing. Now, when I think about resilience and how we bring resilience back up, it doesn’t matter if you have a big trauma from childhood, if you have a minor stack of annoyances, these challenges, frustrations with your health journey, or your fertility journey, or if there’s a big life accident that’s happening today; all of those are rattling the same nervous system. 

When we design precision emotional healing programs and when we make recommendations, we’re always looking at doing a full-blown assessment and a diagnostic, if you would, of, okay, what is the person’s childhood like? What has been this person’s journey with fertility, cancer, and autoimmune disease in the last year? What does that look like? We’re looking at the chronology of events to get an assessment. With all of these different events that have been happening in your life, how has your nervous system responded? What is the story that your nervous system is telling you as a result of this experience, as a result of your childhood experiences? Are there similarities? 

If you are looking at childhood adversity through the same lens, wow, yes, this means that I’m not enough. Now you have this fertility challenge, and your nervous system is responding the same way. We know that this is a deeper root that happened much earlier in life. But if we do a diagnostic and we realize, okay, or an emotional laboratory, that’s kind of what we run. We ran an emotional lab report. If you didn’t have any of those beliefs then, all of a sudden today you have all these different things that are showing up for you. That’s when we know, at that moment, what your challenges are right now, and then we design programs to help you remember how amazing, how strong, and how incredible your body is and ship that story so that you can come back to remembering just the amazing, resilient, and powerful human being that you are. 

It ends with the person’s journey. We see ranges of all of it where we do a lot of work on cancer patients. They came in. All of a sudden, the diagnosis rocks their nervous system, and then all of a sudden, they’re having all these experiences that they weren’t having before. Then we address that. But then some patients come in, and all of a sudden one day they get cancer. Then when we do the diagnostic. These have been patterns that have been showing up your entire life. The stressful last event is what’s triggered your body into a state of disease. We see everything across the board.

Aumatma Simmons, ND, FABNE, MS

Amazing. I feel I can talk to you for hours, we will have you back. There’s a lot to be talked about here. But in terms of where people can connect with you? Where’s the best place for people to get started with potentially working with you guys or getting this emotional lab report going?

Raj Jana

Yes, you can just head to Liber8.health. You can look at our emotional lab reports and our front-end diagnostics; it’s not diagnostic; we assess to get clear on what’s happening in your nervous system, and then we pair you up with tools, a plan, and resources to start working on your emotional health in a precise way. Then we also have programs. We run three-month programs where we support you in building that resilience and getting to a place of feeling that power, feeling safe, feeling trust, and not just it being a one-time fix that you would get by going to a therapist. It’s not. How do you just become more grounded, resilient, trusting, confident, and empowered? We have three-month programs that support that. You can sort of liber8.health. Then I’m on social media. You can follow me @raj_jana on Instagram; it’s mostly where I’m active.

Aumatma Simmons, ND, FABNE, MS

Awesome.