Are Hidden Factors Causing Your Illness? | Liz Roman on Root Causes & Autoimmunity

Perfectionism, Delegation, and Trust 0:00

Just reminding ourselves that this perfectionist mentality that maybe some of us have, like I do, and have struggled with, is really unachievable. But I can, for the long-term vision, sacrifice and maybe settle for 85% rather than that 100% like I might do. And in the interim, also start to work and train that person and correct some of those behaviors so that I feel good and that I can eventually Trust that they're doing it just as good as me, if not better. And that's another big thing with hiring for our team is I always try to find people who are better at something.

And so we need to have other people that we can entrust with the clients coming to our practices. So it's hard. It's not easy. I still struggle every day, but those are the things I've tried to remind myself. and just put some of those checks and balances in to make sure that we're making progress towards at least having that quality performance that we want. Welcome to Doctor Talks, the podcast where every episode leads to a healthier you. Join us as we navigate the world of optimal health, uncovering groundbreaking strategies to conquer chronic disease.

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Doctor Talks Intro and Guest Welcome 1:32

Hi, everyone. Welcome back to the Integrative Health podcast with Dr. Jen. Super excited. Today, we're going to be talking about root causes of illness and autoimmunity. Today, we have Liz Roman, famously known as the poop queen, which we all know poop is very important. She's a certified functional nutritional practitioner and restorative wellness practitioner. She specializes in gut health and holistic healing. She's the founder and co-owner of Fit Mom, a top tiered functional nutrition practice.

Liz is dedicated to the uncovering and addressing the root causes of digestive disorders, hormonal imbalances, autoimmune challenges, and metabolic health issues. She's also the co-host of the top 100 podcast and alternative health, The Health Revival Show, where she shares powerful down to earth health strategies that empower women to reclaim control over their wellbeing. Welcome Liz, so excited to have you here today. Thank you, Dr. Jenna. I'm excited and excited for our conversation. Yes. And we match to our necklaces and shirts match, if you guys can watch it.

But yellow is a good color. I love it. So I love your passion, your podcast. You are really a voice for women out there. And it all started with you loving poop and being the poop queen so tell us a little bit about that for listeners that may not know that history yes absolutely

Liz Romanu2019s Health Journey and the Origin of the Poop Queen 3:01

so the poop queen was kind of a joke on a podcast um several years back and you know like your testimony i was woken up in the middle of the night um by god and i had this idea to do the 12 days of constipation it was early december and I was like, OK, when is the 12 days of Christmas? So thankfully, the 12 days of Christmas didn't start until Christmas Day. So that gave me a couple of weeks to batch, record some reels, and launch that account. But the reason where this comes from, like many functional practitioners, is my personal struggles and battles.

So I was chronically constipated for eight years. However, as I kind of peeled back those onion layers of memory, Going all the way back to my childhood, I was diagnosed with children's rheumatoid arthritis, and I was actually told by doctors I would be wheelchair-bound, I would never play sports, I wouldn't be normal. They tested me for all types of autoimmune conditions, thought maybe it was lupus, and they landed on children's RA. And I was put on two very strong doses of prednisone and methotrexate and I just blew up.

Um, you know, I gained a lot of weight. My mom was not loving, you know, this process. And so she started getting into more functional health and just really praying and saying, God, you know, help me heal my daughter. And at one point he said, let's get her off the medications and she stopped my medications. Cold turkey, don't recommend people do that by any means, but I have been fine since. And by the meaning of fine, I've been mobile, walking, improving. However, there were still other things that were underlying.

I then got my cycle a few years later and it was really debilitating. I had a lot of pain, you know, cramping. I would have heavy periods and then a lot of hormonal acne. And so what was the recommendation? birth control. So at that point in time, I mean, it was really, really bad. I was down and out for three or four days when my cycle would come. And so I did go on birth control. Not something I would do now, but I know what I know. But fast forward to post college period, I had really, really been struggling with constipation and weight loss and fatigue and energy and skin issues.

So not just acne, but starting to see white spots on my back, and again going to conventional medicine everyone was saying everything looks fine you're normal it's a calories in calories out issue stay on your birth control you know you just have to keep fighting maybe genetically it's hard for you and i was like well this is not something i want to accept this is not what god designed me for and so i went to a functional medicine doctor who changed my life did the gut healing work and was able to resolve a lot of my issues.

I've lost 60 pounds, kept that off, reversed the Hashimoto's antibodies are negative and live a symptom free life for the most part. I'm also postpartum and have two littles and run a business that's very busy. So of course there's days where it's like, wow, that stress gets you. But when I was really seeking, you know, God and saying, Hey, I need to find my niche, right? This is really what came up. And he's like, you have this story of constipation eight years. I mean, I had a colonoscopy in college, woke up in the middle of it of all things.

And again, they said everything is fine. Drink water, take Miralax and eat more fiber. And so if you are listening to this today, what I would say is if you know in your heart and your mind and your gut that things are just not right, you don't want to accept. these answers that you're getting continue to seek, you know, alternative care, whether that is a second opinion, a third opinion, right? Finding a functional medicine or a holistic doctor or practitioner like Dr. Jen or myself, we know our body's best.

And I wasn't happy with the fact that my symptoms were just being swept under the rug. And I knew it was not normal to be so bloated and constipated, not being able to go to the bathroom. I mean, there would be periods I wouldn't go for a week. And then if I did take something, I would spend a day dumping. And that's not a way to live. When you're working in corporate America and even back in my college days, my roommates and I used to joke like, victory, I got to poop. And so it's something that I'm really passionate about because when we think about gut health.

This is what I call kind of ground zero, right? Hippocrates said all disease begins in the gut. And so if we're not eliminating, we're not detoxifying. I always say, if you're not pooping, you're not detoxing. We want to be moving those bowels one to three times a day, pain free. And we'll get into, you know, other things here that can you know, impair this. But for me, it was a lot of dysbiosis, parasitic infection, candida, and Hashimoto's. Oh, what a beautiful story that you shared that you just you share it all.

And that's what's important. And that's how I am. Because if someone can one person can learn from our experiences or feel not Alone, because when you go into that doctor's office and they try to throw like birth control at you that's what they did to me in high school, which probably helped create some of that dysbiosis you had so it can feel lonely but you guys aren't alone, you can have the strength to go in there and. stand up for yourself. And you also have the strength to fire doctors and go pay to see whatever doctor you want.

You know, we're allowed to do that. And that's what's so beautiful. But there's also a lot of stuff that we can do at home. So how does gut health play a crucial role in managing these autoimmune conditions like Hashimoto's and also just inflammation, which can make us look bloated and feel really bogged down and overweight? Yeah, absolutely. What I say to people when they think about gut health, because it's this big buzzword, right? And everybody was like, well, you see all these supplements and these probiotics and things.

And it's like, God designed us to function well. And he also gave us a lot of things that can help us do this in nature. And so our food is our biggest input. I think the biggest thing that I would say to the person out there is this is where we start. We start with what we're putting in our body, that biggest input.

How Gut Health Drives Autoimmunity and Inflammation 9:20

And this would also include water quality, making sure we have a lot of good quality filtered water. But 80% of our immune system resides in the gut. And so if our gut is inflamed, it's leaky, as a lot of people say. It is overgrown with bad bacteria, parasites, yeast. H pylori, other infections, mold, mycotoxins. We're sequestering all of these things because our detox pathways are compromised. What can happen is that your immune system gets a little bit confused. It starts attacking our own tissues.

So in the case, for example, of Hashimoto's, like you and I, it was the thyroid. Or my previous history, it was the joints with rheumatoid arthritis. And so our immune system is incredibly powerful. And it's got two jobs. Number one, internal housekeeping to protect us from all these outside invaders as pathogens and toxins, things we're exposed to. And the second thing is also the ability to differentiate self and other, right? So friend versus foe. So when we have autoimmunity, this mechanism of distinction has really kind of gone awry.

And so the immune system labels and attacks self-tissue as enemy other. And I think this is really where we have to take a step back and say with autoimmune, it was not a thyroid medication deficiency. It was not a prednisone or a steroid deficiency there, but it was really looking at the underlying issues that my body was struggling to clear causing this molecular mimicry. And so at the most basic level, when we think about, especially in my situation, individuals who have, I would say this was like layers, right?

Children's autoimmune, really bad PMS, stack that. Um, you know, steroid with the birth control, like you're saying, this throws off the gut microbiome. It allows for bacteria to overgrow. And so what we have to do is really think about why the immune system is chronically being engaged and overworked. Um, and it starts to ultimately make bad decisions because of that. So this is really where I say thinking about number one, what we're putting in and on our body is huge, triggering inflammation.

And then really, you know, from a day-to-day lifestyle, also thinking about our stress, because stress plays a huge role in terms of inflammation, right? If we are chronically in this upregulated cortisol state, fight or flight, and this could be you're a new mom, you're up in the middle of the night, you're running a business, right? It could be that you're taking care of littles all day, you're working a corporate job, trying to develop another business, whatever that stressor is for you, This is something that we have to also start to think about in terms of how do we regulate our nervous system, because that will also trigger the immune system to constantly be basically on alert and engaged.

And so this is really where when we see these things chronically go on for years, eventually the immune system is going to make a poor decision. And that's where autoimmune kind of can develop. And so when you mentioned the inflammation, going back to whatever is there in the gut microbiome, imbalances or dysbiosis, maybe we don't have enough of the good things that we need as our defenders as part of the immune system. This also leads to widespread inflammation. Things get out of the gut. They shouldn't be there.

A way to think of this in my analogy, I like layman's terms, is think about your skin on the inside. You know, your terrain should not be leaky, but when it becomes compromised and things seep out to the bloodstream, this is really where we start to see that widespread inflammation, brain fog, joint pain, skin issues, you name the symptom that people are struggling with, right? It all comes back to the gut and what is allowing those pathogens to essentially proliferate and then also drive that systemic inflammation.

Absolutely. Stress, you mentioned with gut health, it's such a big factor. And you could take all the supplements, you can get rid of the dysbiosis, you can do protocols perfectly. But if you don't figure out that stress aspect, it's all gonna come back. And I tell patients, your gut health, it's like a lawn you have to continuously manicure and cut and groom. It's not a one and done thing. It's not one protocol. we're good forever you know and I and I tell them like I am constantly refining and working on my gut health and keeping those gut microbiomes happy.

We recently moved from Ohio to Tennessee and it was I was trying to think like oh I'm not stressed this isn't stressful but it was stressful my hormones got a little out of whack And then my gut health, I'm still rehabbing it now, you know, we're still dealing with different stressors from moving and it's different. So I realized that and I'm doubled down, downing on my gut health, basically, you know, with, with peptides, with my diet. And that's something that the stress we don't give it enough impact on our health.

When someone is going to the ICU, we put them on stress prophylaxis medication, what we call it PPIs, which are not good. But in that case, it's recognizing, even conventional medicine recognizes the stress that being sick, how stress can impact our gut health. So it's really interesting. I love that you talk about how stress is such an important factor. What are some other, yeah, sorry about that. I think you bring up a good point there too, because there's acute stress, right? Those situations where I just went through a big life change.

I picked up my whole life and moved, different states, moved my home, my practice, all of that. So that's an acute kind of stressor, but you recognize how quickly your body felt that and maybe shifted. And then again, we have to think about what are those chronic stressors and for, Some individuals, in my practice, we talk a lot about like past traumas. What happened in your childhood? Were you on antibiotics for long periods of time, right? Did your mother struggle? Because we see this, you know, mom's passing down microbiome for two generations and so it's not just like present day that we have to think about.

We also have to think about the history there and then what we know that maybe we're again more prone to. I'm with you, sister. I am rehabbing my gut too. I had an emergency C-section with my first. And so with this last pregnancy, I also ended up having a C-section, unfortunately. And I did all the things that I possibly could. I did microbiome seeding. I took the probiotics, all the gut lining support. but running a stool analysis on myself a couple months postpartum, I am wiped out. Those antibiotics with the C-section and then I got mastitis, right?

And so like you're saying, it's not a one and done thing. This is ever evolving. We're always taking care of this delicate garden. And so if you're listening to this and you've struggled for years, We also want to think about that history for you, that family history, the childhood history, and not just physical stressors, but also the mental, emotional stressors that kind of put us in that nervous system state. I like to always think that I'm somebody who handled stress well. The more I learn, it's a compensation mechanism, right?

It's a survival mechanism. It's not a good thing that we want to be in all the time. Right. I always say I'm recovering type A, you know, I'm trying to not be so type A and part of, you know, we're trying to have a mini farm life. That is very, helpful being out in nature a lot but yeah really think about that like really driven stressed out all the time kids you know it's people pleasing that can be stress on your body and that can be eternalized and Ace adverse childhood events we know that that comes with a whole slew of diseases

Stress, Trauma, and Nervous System Regulation 17:28

and this is actually throughout the literature, but sometimes we don't realize or we don't recognize that a car accident when we're 17 could really plant some. limbic system mayhem and we're in this dysregulated state, which is affecting our gut health, which is affecting the autoimmune disease you now have or cancer. So yeah, take a really good history and work with a practitioner that will dig into that and keep pressing because sometimes I don't know if you see clients that they'll blow off big events, like I'll have it in their history, you know, any traumatic events or, you know, big events in your life.

And they'll kind of blow it off. And I'm like, well, wait a second, let's go back to this. This lines up with when your diseases, a couple of years later, then you have all these diseases start. So it's, don't blow off your history. It still can have an impact. Absolutely. And I think about other things in my childhood. I was hit by a drunk driver at the age of 16. That was in the midst of already dealing with, you know, underlying issues that were brewing. And one thing here that I think is important to call out, and I'm sure you've talked about this in other episodes, is that when we get to that state where autoimmune is showing on labs, this has been brewing for a while, right?

Those antibodies are now like present. But there's been a long history here, maybe years for some individuals, that things were brewing under the hood before that popped up. Same thing with non-alcoholic fatty liver. We can have a lot of liver inflammation and things like lipopolysaccharides, these endotoxins getting out of the guts, into the bloodstream, putting more pressure on the liver, causing liver inflammation. But that's going on for a while before we see triglycerides go up, liver enzymes go up.

And so it is always this thing that I'm thinking about every day. How am I supporting my body from a drainage and detox pathway perspective and that nervous system perspective? And I'm not the person, I'm totally transparent with this to tell my clients like, you need to start meditating every day. It's not something that I have been successful with. I have tried many times. But what I do is I say, let's find joy. For me, it's, I will do box breathing and, you know, breath work. But for me, that joy is, it's praying, it's singing, it's listening to Christian music.

Some of my favorite artists, right? Cooking a meal with my kiddos. Sometimes it can be a little stressful, but those are ways that I feel like I can get my nervous system to release. Also walking nature a lot, you know, getting outside. grounding, getting sunshine on your eyes. Those are different ways that feel good to me. Meditation, if somebody tells me to sit down and meditate, it just causes me a little bit more stress, I feel like, because I've tried so many times. So I think it's also finding what works for you, if that's therapy, right?

That can be very impactful for some individuals. You just have to kind of think about what will bring you into that state of peace. And the biggest thing that I tell my clients, like I said, is find joy. To me, that is so much more empowering than saying we got to work on stress management. Because I think we've also lost sight of finding joy in our day today and the life that God has given us. This is the one vessel that we have. to be able to live life, move throughout life, travel, be with our kids, play with our kids and those things.

And so that would be something I would love for you. If you're listening, take that one thing away today and think about that, how you can implement finding that joy. And that alone will probably help you with some of the symptom relief that you might be looking for. Oh, absolutely. Such good tips. I love that finding joy. I just got this book, finding like holy in every moment it's called. And you're just supposed to make every moment just to glorify God and make it, make it holy, make it special, make it joyful.

And sometimes we lose that, you know, even doing laundry, you know, think of the blessings and the gratitude. So I love those tips. Now we talked about autoimmunity. What are some other hidden factors like toxins and digging a little deeper into gut health that contribute to weight loss resistance? Because this is a big problem in America. So how can we overcome this? Yeah. So I think, you know, first and foremost, when we're looking at any autoimmune condition, like the number one thing is to figure out what the pathogens are, what the toxins are.

I think there's some hidden ones. I mentioned like bacteria, parasites and things like that, but we also want to think about environmental toxins. mold, mycotoxins, right? We think about endocrine disruptors. I'm doing a lab review right after this with a 14 year old. We've got a lot of mycotoxins. We've got a lot of environmental toxins, things that are coming from plastics, hair care, skincare. Then we think about heavy metals, right? We're seeing that in children's formula if you weren't able to you know breastfeed and you were using formulas there's a lot of research that's come out about high levels of heavy metals and then we think about herbicides and pesticides and so while we can't say causation we can look at the research and look at correlations here, right?

We've seen a big rise in celiac disease and inflammatory bowel Crohn's colitis alongside the rise of glyphosate and atrazine and some of these other things. And so if our terrain is toxic, our environment is toxic, we're inflamed, we're overworked, your body is going to sequester these things and hold on for, you know, for dear life to that fat. And so I think that is number one is like really looking and identifying what else might be going on, even outside of maybe like a stool test. But then we think about, you know, again, going back to drainage and detox pathways, The liver, the liver is such a crucial role to this.

And yes, the lymphatic system as well. But I talk a lot about the gut liver access. This is an intimate connection or two way street, always communicating. It's a cyclical connection that we have. And so if we have a lot of things seeping out of the bloodstream, getting to the liver and it's back in the living or it's burdening it even more, we become sluggish with our bile flow. And bile is so important, especially for women. We think about the importance here for not only breaking down fats and building our hormones, but also removing cholesterol from the body, acting as an antimicrobial in our small intestine.

So a lot of women struggling with SIBO, I see this overlooked. You've not been on a liver, gallbladder support or a bile support or things that are really important alongside that SIBO protocol. And therefore we relapse because we didn't really fix one of the main mechanisms that allowed this to happen. And then from a constipation perspective, thinking about bile and motility, it stimulates our motility hormone. It also signals the pancreas and the insulate cells for insulin. And so when we're looking at a state where somebody is resistance to weight loss, I'm always starting with drainage, detox, liver supports, thinking about blood sugar, checking our blood sugars, how are we responding to certain foods, and we're going to do all that foundational work even before we get in after the bad bugs.

Because if you try to go after those bad bugs and you can't eliminate them, you essentially make things worse, right?

Toxins, Mold, and Weight Loss Resistance 24:58

They recirculate in the body. And this is where I've seen women become more inflamed, maybe even packing on the pounds, right? Feeling very puffy, joint pain's worse, brain fog's worse, can't sleep, I've got insomnia, all those things. And so we really have to think about, again, supporting the body to eliminate these things. And at the same time, Yes, do our job to lessen the toxic load and remove as much as we can that we've identified. Yeah, that could be the hard point. If you are having a bunch come in, you're not eliminating your environmental toxin burden.

Your liver is just like, oh, it's hard. And you brought up mycotoxins, and this is a big problem. I mean, 50% of homes have mold in them. that the mycotoxins, yes, you know, God made them that we can metabolize them through and detox them, but they clog up the liver like a lot. And then you have all these other environmental burdens and you're trying to metabolize hormones and whatever else you're exposed to. So definitely focus on liver and gallbladder, like you said, to start the detox detoxification and the flow the flow all the way through all the way through the gut and all the way to the stool.

Yeah. Yeah, I think another big thing here that I'm really passionate about is also looking at genetics for individuals right so if I have genes that are what Dr. Ben Lynch would say, kind of born dirty, right? That's important to also know because some of my clients, when we're going through this, they're like, wow, this just makes sense. Like why am the way I am? Like there's a hair fire trigger that nobody else seems to have a problem with, but I blow up, right? I become very inflamed. And this is again, an overreaction from the immune system.

And so how do we calm the immune system and bring that back into balance and homeostasis? A lot of that comes down to supporting with a lot of antioxidants, anti-inflammatory nutrients, or maybe supports when we think about glutathione, right, or just other things that could be helpful to that individual who knows that they're just more prone to experiencing, right, the sequestering of toxins. And so outside of, I mean, because I, in my practice, deal a lot with people who've seen multiple providers, maybe done a lot of gut work, they've tried all the protocols, but they haven't turned to understanding their genetics and how they need to live and move throughout life.

And then again, going through different seasons when we're in a higher stress season, things look a little bit different, right? Maybe I have to be a more intentional to help combat that stress and help keep things moving along. And so that I think is very important. And then also just beyond pooping every day is Making sure that you've got other foundations in place you're you're really well hydrated with electrolytes and minerals that plays a really big role, especially when we think about glyphosates that depletes manganese that's pretty big for the body in terms of, you know, enzymatic functioning with the liver.

Think about sweating. Are you moving your lymphatics? Are you exercising, right? What type of water are you drinking? Again, I see so many people still drinking tap water because they believe that it's clean and yet they test it and It's not good. You know, there's a lot of stuff going on there. And so while we think about all of these things, it feels very stressful. Going back to what I kind of opened with is think about those largest inputs. What are we putting on our body daily in our body? And those are the places that I really have people start because, like you said before, we can't out supplement a bad diet.

We can't out supplement high stress. We can't out supplement living in an environment that's making us sick. And we also can't heal in that environment that's making us sick. So those molded microtoxins, they're sneaky. Man, they are so sneaky. I'm not sure if you have other resources, but we have a lot of podcasts that we've talked about mold and microtoxins and just how to try to keep your environment clean. Air filters, you know, AC keeping that filtration system change, cleaning your ducts, watching out for, you know, mold in common places like your washing machine, front loaders, your shower, your windowsills, all those types of things, because you are correct.

So many homes have Mold and micro toxins and it's unseen to the eye. They don't have a smell to them. And, you know, of course we're talking about Just day to day things. Maybe there has been right a lot of water damage and you know that that's a different, you know, kind of conversation but day to day there's maintenance in our home that we can do as well to try to prevent or living with you know these microtoxins because we all are exposed to them all the time it's just that when the immune system is chronically overstimulated right it can't respond the way that it should and therefore it starts to build up in the body and and cause a lot of problems yeah mold is near and dear to my heart i have so many mold patients do expert witness cases on it it's it's tough because there's not a lot there's more research with animals than with people but we do know that it can really wreck the immune system and be a root cause of a lot of problems so just it's good for awareness and It can be overwhelming thinking, oh my gosh, I have to do all this stuff.

Just start one thing at a time. And then with your health, it's like just peeling layers off an onion. It takes time. You're not gonna fix it all in a few months. It might take a couple of years to really get down deep to the root causes. It can be tricky. So just make sure you're working with someone. You have someone helping you out on it. And so let's talk about what you do. You run a business, you're a female entrepreneur, a business strategist. So what mindset shifts have helped you build this successful business, but also balance your health and your new family?

Yeah. So I think the biggest thing that I would say here is that it's okay to say no. And I had to learn this the hard way because like you, type A personality, you wanna be the mom that does it all, the wife that does it all, but really prioritizing. In our home, the way that we prioritize is God first, me second, my spouse, and then my children. Because if I don't have my relationship with God and also taking care of myself, I can't show up the best for my husband, for my kids, for my clients, especially the work that we do.

It's therapy for a lot of people. It's emotional for a lot of people, right? We're going through healing protocols with these individuals that aren't in a place that they feel well, and they need a lot of that support. And so for me to have a cup that's full to give them, I have to set boundaries. I have to time block. I have to say no to things sometimes that maybe I would like to do. my son is at a field trip today and I would love to be there but at the end of the day that is something when I kind of look at how would I feel when I was there versus you know working on the business this is something that allows me to provide for my family and I have a team that relies on me too and so it's a give and a take you know sometimes like next Friday I'll be at a school all day doing game day with them but today it didn't happen right and so just recognizing that You have to really look at what you're committing and saying yes to because if we overcommit ourselves, that's not a good situation for anyone.

We're not present, right? We're distracted because we might be physically there, but we're not mentally there. And that's really what I learned over the years is I want to be present in this life and for those special moments and have that quality time with them, not just like all about quantity, right? So that's a big thing. And I think for any female entrepreneur, it's really looking and evaluating what all can I take on? What can I delegate as well? And letting go of some of the things in our business, right?

Mindset Shifts for Entrepreneurship and Family Balance 33:08

So I have a business partner. We co-own 5050, our practice, and she's also the co-host of the podcast. But then we have a team under us as well. And so, you know, splitting tasks and you have two practitioners you oversee. I have two practitioners I oversee. We have a sales team. We delegate to them, right? Client success director, we delegate to them because If we want to continue to impact as many lives as possible, we can't do it all. The quality that we want. And so if you're in this space, hopefully some of that will help you.

But just remember that no is a beautiful word and it is a one word sentence. I love that. And you're right. We can't say yes to everything and then we're not giving the quality we should. And I agree like setting that focus on what is really important How, how did you make the switch to getting help that's one thing that I struggle with and I've been finally like I have a virtual assistant now and I want to hire more people, but I think it, I think that is the hard part and even as a mother right even delegating chores.

I was just talking with a friend about this like. I know my kids can do the chores, but sometimes it's easier to just do it myself. So it's done correctly. And I guess how do you get over that mindset? Whether it's a mother at home with kids doing chores or a entrepreneur handing out tasks, how do you stop yourself from being like, well, if it's done wrong, then I have to do it anyway. And I have to put out all these fires. How do you just give up control and pray about it? That's what I, it is hard, especially again, because nobody is going to love and care for our business as much as we do, right?

Nobody is going to love and care for our babies and our children, maybe as much as we do. And so one thing one mentor said to me that really kind of stuck with me is number one, we have to let go of the perfectionist mentality because it's just unachievable. And then the second thing is thinking about that long term vision. So in this short term, as I start to delegate, I have to remind myself it's okay for the next 90 days, maybe that things aren't up to par while I'm training or teaching or getting this person up to that level that, you know, I want.

Another thing that I would always stand by is hire slow, fire fast in terms of team. And that includes practitioners or anybody on our team. If we're not meeting expectations, we have those conversations pretty quickly. And if it's not the right fit long term, unfortunately, we have to make those decisions. But for me, it's really been, yes, trusting and saying, OK, this won't be perfect. Same thing with chores in the house, right? I can tell my son you have to collect all the garbage you might miss that one garbage can downstairs in the basement, but it's okay, we can get to that next week and I'll remind you next week maybe.

So just reminding ourselves that this perfectionist mentality that maybe some of us have, like I do, um, and have struggled with is really unachievable, but I can for the long-term vision sacrifice and maybe settle for 85% rather than that 100% like I might do. And in the interim also start to work and train that person and correct some of those behaviors so that I feel good. And then I can eventually trust that they're doing it just as good as me, if not better. And that's another big thing with hiring for our team is I always try to find people who are better.

at something, you know, maybe that person has more experience with lime or mold than I do. Great. She's a practitioner that can specialize in that and they're going to be in better hands. Cause for me, and I'm sure like you too, we only have a certain amount of clients that we can see, you know? And so we need to have other people that we can entrust with the clients coming to our practices. So it's hard. It's not easy. I still struggle with it every day, but those are the things I've tried to remind myself and just put some of those checks and balances in to make sure that we're making progress towards at least having that, you know, quality performance that we want.

Oh, I love those tips and your honesty. And yeah, it's hard. And sometimes it's also like, I feel like for me, like pride comes in, you know, because you just want to be everything to everyone. And it's you have to let that go and accept help to reach more people. And I think that that's if you're an entrepreneur, you know, if your vision, if you want to reach more people, you do have to give some of that up and, and also trust, you know, trust people and know that they might, they might disappoint you and that's okay too.

So now what about the busy working mom who is like, I am struggling to prioritize self care. What do you say to them? Oh, you got to be selfish. It's okay to be selfish. I think many women feel guilty. I'm sure you've experienced this where we get women in their midlife and saying, I've put myself on the back burner for many, many years. And again, going back to what I mentioned before, if you're not prioritizing your self-care, we can't show up as the best version of ourself and give the best to anybody in our life that needs us, be it your husband, your kids, business partner, your practitioners, your coworker, whoever that might be.

And so I think that it's important to plan and prioritize, like, what is that going to look like for you? And what feels good for you? Maybe you're not doing anything right now. I absolutely would not start with, hey, I'm going to start going to the gym five days a week for an hour, and I'm going to do an Epsom salt bath three times a week for 30 minutes. It can be really overwhelming. So it can be as simple as starting with 10 minutes a day. Hey, I'm going to put a time block on my calendar before I get into whatever it is I need after I get the kids off to school and everything to just sit and journal or maybe go for a walk, right?

Whatever it is that you feel good about that makes you at the end of the day, say, I did something for myself and I'm proud and that made me feel good. Right. I also think for women, just something in terms of you know, being a working mom, but also working from home, even if I'm not client facing or doing podcast interviews or social media content or whatever, I put my confidence cape on. And that is I put my makeup on, I get my hair done, I dress the part. I am always acting as if, you know, that CEO or whatever it is, because that just makes me feel good.

And so those are a few things that you could do to start out. And then I think from there you need to understand what have I let go in terms of is it a mental, emotional, a physical goal? Maybe I have to get back to reading my Bible every day. Maybe I need to be asking for help on Wednesday nights so I can go to the Women's Bible Study Group. That's something I recently did. I really felt called to do that, to make more community, and I hadn't been prioritizing it. And so I said to my husband, I need your commitment on Wednesday nights that you can have the baby and our older son can go with me and they have child care, but I need that hour and a half to be with those women in community.

And it could just be starting with something simple like that. so that you can you know again know that you're doing what you need in this season and that will change in this season it's this right now next season it might be something different so i think just being selfish and then another word that i always use is pivot it's okay to pivot right and this is where we kind of think about if you have kids they run the show more often than not um what's my backup plan if i didn't get to the gym because I got the kids to school later.

I forgot something when there was traffic. Can I walk on my walking pad? Can I stretch at home? Can I do something rather than nothing? And I think most people, if they are in that perfectionist mentality, will just be like, oh, it didn't happen today. Right? Well, we can always pivot. We can adjust. And that's really where I think you will find that the most progress is. Progress does not have to be because we were perfect with, let's say, going to the gym three times a week or retract every gram and macro and calorie that went into, you know, our mouth and cooked everything at home.

That's not that's that's perfection. Right. That's not real life, I think, for most women. And so just thinking about, hey, this scenario didn't go the way that I wanted. What is the next best scenario? And how can I pivot to this? And then again, maybe tomorrow re-strategize my day. Because I think, again, for business and children and having families and small children that need you a lot, it's a constant struggle. thinking through strategy if you've ever seen those reels like what time we have to get the kids to school it's like the reverse math for moms getting out of the house at this time or whatever um and so just giving yourself grace to also say it's okay that plan didn't go accordingly i can do something i'm not just going to throw my hands up and do nothing for myself Oh, those are great tips.

Those are great tips. And I feel like this was a good pep talk. One thing, I don't know if you ever do this with your friends, but, so say I'm out for a conference for a day or two, or,

Self-Care, Pivoting, and Letting Go of Control 42:38

you know, I have something going on and husbands, you know, are in charge of the kids. And you come home and it's a little chaotic. They ate out to eat way more than you thought, but you thought they would. you know it and they don't do it like we do it but once again that's that perfectionist thing that's pride that's us thinking that other people you know they're they're not going to get their mom out of their dad but it's still great and you know i was telling my friend i'm like yeah you know I know she didn't do everything exactly right and they were late for their sports activities and he almost forgot to pick one of them up and all this but they're alive and they're happy and that's and that's a blessing and that's amazing that you know when my husband When we look at the calendar and I'll do a speaking event and maybe I'll take one of the kids with us but we have four children and he's his running them around and you know if the laundry is not done or something's not perfect.

I am just grateful that he took care of the kids and we're with them and bonded with them. And I think if we are on a mission and we want to do, we want to work. And some women want to stay at home with their children. And that's beautiful too. But either way, we all need some time to be in community or do other things. And then when we hand our kids off to other people, our husbands, family, babysitters, we need to, I just pray over them. I trust. And then I am just grateful that they were taken care of.

So I don't know if you struggle with that at all or have any funny stories. Oh, yes. Yeah. And I think sometimes too, I'm probably the over communicator. For example, I'm leaving tomorrow to go to Salt Lake City for a conference for a few days. We're responsible for soccer snacks. So I've already Instacarted. I got the bags from Amazon. We're going to pack them up tonight. set a reminder on my husband's phone stop and get bananas because we're the family that brings the healthy snacks right we're not bringing all processed stuff and at the end of the day I just say I did what I could to you know prep them and prepare them but they don't get bananas on the way those kids are still going to get a good snack and an honest juice and that's going to be just fine you know.

It is again that perfectionist and from the laundry perspective gosh I said this past weekend on my Instagram would you rather have a maid or chef because I'm all about the season of and you have four kids so I'm sure this is even crazier for you, I would rather have a maid do the laundry. Yes. I like cooking. I love cooking. But transparently, this is what I've had to learn to let go of is that laundry might go from the laundry basket to the bed to get folded. Half of it gets folded. The other half goes back to laundry basket until maybe the next day when I can finish it.

And I try to do these things in chunks. But in this season, right? So I have a four and a half month old and then almost a six year old. It is what it is. And at the end of the day, my sleep is more important. The quality with, you know, time with my family is more important. That laundry will be there. We will get to it. I see it. But I'm not going to let that be the thing that says, I can't go and be in community, right? Like I can't go to Wednesday night service because I got to do the laundry or I can't go to my workout because I got to do the laundry, right?

Like it will get done. It will all get done. And then I honestly think another really big thing here is continuing to stay in communication with your spouse. and not let things build up. Because I know some friends of mine, we've had some conversations and I've asked them, have you communicated that to him? As much as I like to think men can read our minds, they need some training. We gotta train them a little bit, right? And just like we might give feedback to an employee or to a friend, I do the same with my husband.

I say, hey, so remember last week when we talked about this? And I reminded you, like how could we next time not forget, right? Or just reminding him the diaper bag always needs to be packed with extra things just because you never know what the situation might be. So I always try to be in communication because I don't want to be the person that blows up eventually. Like, you know, you suppress all these things that you're kind of irritated or agitated with and then you just like word vomit all the things that you didn't mean to because your hormones are still a little bit crazy.

So I think those things are also really important and we're in a series right now actually at church it's called God's House and I love it because it's so empowering for parents and the biggest thing that he's talked about so far is communication with your spouse and working through those things so that you're also not having big arguments or blow ups or issues right in front of your kids and then also in the seasons of life recognizing that you will go through times where maybe the house isn't as great or you're just you know traveling a lot for sports and like what's the parents role so i think that it all matters and it sounds like so much as we're talking about it and the reality is remember mama's like you're doing a great job Cause this is hard.

Like raising kids is hard. Running a business is hard. But at the end of the day, if I can have a perspective of this is a blessing, right? Like you said with Andrei, that's a blessing that you have four children to fold these clothes for and that you have a washing machine that helps you out. So just give yourself some grace and know that you are doing a good job. Oh, I love that. My little guy just, I didn't lock my door and he just ran in.

Podcast, Website, and Closing Remarks 48:18

He's so funny. He's like, FedEx is here. But anyway, thank you so much for all those tips and sharing to your heart and your home and what you guys do. So I really would just love for you to share more about your podcast, drop that name again. You know, it's one of the top a hundred. It's amazing. That is so hard to get. If for those of you that don't know, it's such an accomplishment, all while raising littles and your website and where everyone can reach you. Yes. We've been podcasting since 2020. So it has been a work in progress, but our show is the health revival show and we put out three episodes a week, a lot of expert interviews.

So Dr. Jan will be on our show soon. We're excited to have you. And our website is fitmom.co. And you can find me on Instagram at The Poop Queen. That's me in my DMs. That's my most active platform. Don't find me on other platforms and expect a response because I don't go on TikTok or Facebook very often. Instagram is my jam and there's where I also share in my stories a little bit about the behind the scenes, the daily life, the struggles and questions. and answer boxes and all those things, so.

That's great. Well, thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much, Jen. Thank you for tuning into Dr. Talks. We hope today's episode has enlightened and inspired you on your path to optimal health. Each day is a new opportunity to make choices that empower your well-being. For more insights and strategies, subscribe to our podcast and visit our website, www.DrTalks.com. Stay connected. Stay healthy and join us next time on Doctor Talks, real talks from real doctors on the issues that matter to you most.