- Understand how eye contact, social interaction, communication, and presence develop through everyday experiences, and why the behaviors adults model can influence how children learn to engage with the people and world around them.
- Discover why distractibility may sometimes involve more than an inability to pay attention, especially when a child’s nervous system is scanning the environment, responding to stress, or struggling to feel safe and regulated.
- Learn how to create more opportunities for connection by putting devices aside, making intentional eye contact, initiating conversation, and helping children build the emotional and neurological margin they need to engage, adapt, and learn.
Full Transcript
Why Margin Matters for Learning 0:00
There's many adults that do not have a margin. There are many children that Do not Have A Margin. If we don't have A margin, we cannot learn something new. That just means that our threshold is like a metronome on a piano. And boy, when you get to this level, you're done. Okay, we are edgy, We are irritable. We don't have the room to expand. The child then needs something and what do you do? How do You respond to the child? And this is what I mean by we Are shaping where this Is going. Everything is connected and I'm here to tell you how.
I am Dr. Laura Hanson with Connect My Brain. This podcast is for moms who are concerned about their child's development. The brain impacts our mind, body and overall health. I explain how your brain is wired, what happens when it's out of balance, and how early childhood development not only impacts your child, but can affect you as an adult years later. Want to know how to improve your life? Join me and learn about your amazing brain and what it can do for you. Hey everybody, it's Dr. Laura with Connect My Child's Brain.
Connect my brain, connect your brain. So we really put a big emphasis on children, don't we? But it is true. About 95% of this practice is kids. And I feel so fortunate to be able to work with children. But The adults that come here, and maybe I should make it 90-10 or 85-15, but the adults come when you ask them, how long have you been going through whatever it is that you're going though? The majority of the time, they say ever since I was a kid. So I have a tendency to want to go as far back as you possibly can to bring somebody forward.
So that's the nucleus, I would say, of why I love to work with children. But we absolutely love caring for people in every stage of life. And when you get that opportunity to walk with someone, regardless of what they're going through, and move them forward because you've incorporated how the body, the brain, chemistry, how it all works together. The quality of life is improved, joy comes along, and people get to live fulfilling lives.
Dr. Laurau2019s Mission and Brain-Based Care 3:00
So that's why I do what I Okay, so I like to break down certain topics and to give you just a different perspective what to kind of think about. Today what I want to focus on is social cues, socialization, and this affects everybody regardless of age. You know, when you look at the five pillars of looking at a child, they include gross motor, fine motor social, communication, and adaptation. Many children get stuck in adaptation and therefore the other parts of those developmental aspects like gross motor and fine motor or social or communication, they get disrupted.
So this really is not just five pillars for children, because when I look at an adult, let's say somebody's coming in for a chiropractic adjustment, I'm going to look a gross motor, fine motor. I am going look communication, and I will identify socialization in the aspect of What is their overall state of engagement in the world? Are they happy? are they sad? Or are just kind of flat? So again, I don't think any of these things are limited to just children. I think they can impact each and every one of us.
But socializing, that one's really come up in the pediatric population. And a lot of the skills that it takes to socialize for the rest of your life, begin in childhood, they literally begin, in the womb. Is anybody paying attention to you in your womb? Then when you are born, what's the interaction with your world, your life, you caregiver, and your family? All of these things are taught And we've mentioned before the subconscious mind. And that subconscious minds literally begins the last trimester of pregnancy and goes on till about eight, eight and a half.
Meaning, whatever that environment is that you're in is shaping you.
Socialization and Developmental Pillars 6:00
And this is why, yes, as adults, you begin to realize, I've got to either find another way so that I can interact, so I could build communities, that can be happy. And it typically will take you back to that time. I remember feeling this way ever since I was a kid. So being mindful of that. And in that developmental window, that is when a parent really gets to shape their child. And they teach them. They teach him how to pick up after themselves. They teach them how to have manners. May I be excused?
May i interrupt? That is such a critical time. It's an opportunity for a child to interact with an adult one-on-one in a very concise moment of time based on whatever it is that's going on like, let's pick up our toy and put this one away. Let's finish our dinner and then we ask, may I be excused from the table? I wonder if that is raising any eyebrows out there about manners. and eye contact. I'm leading this up to socialization, so stay with me. But in that beginning time, that's the shaping of the subconscious mind, and that is 95% of how you make decisions today, and it is how are raising your child for what they are going to do as they grow up.
The conscious mind is only 5%. So when you decide to something, how do you respond in the world? is based on a very precious amount of time that you get to really influence your child or you may be asking yourself, you know, let me think about what I went through and how does it match today? And we certainly, through different psychological research, we see these patterns that have been identified. When somebody has been through trauma, it's very easy to see how they might grow up and behave a certain way.
When somebody suffers from addiction and maybe that was role modeled in front of them or it was utilized because of the amount of stress inside of this
Subconscious Development and Early Modeling 9:00
individual and this became their coping strategy and how they're being handled and influenced in the world today. So we know that that kind of research exists. Now, we kind of have a framework now. We understand that yes, there's definite differences between children and adults. There are developmental windows with children. Many adults do go back and begin to think about how life experiences have impacted their perception, their view, how they handle things. And we know that there's research that has identified big issues like trauma and addiction.
Now, let's come more into modern world today. I want you to take the time to really look at your environment when you're out and about, when your standing in a grocery store line, When you are walking to your car. One of the things that I notice all the times is people are on their phones. Now don't go, oh gosh, this is just another podcast about a cell phone. No, let me go ahead and open the curtain and give you the to-da where this going. I listened to a podcast the other day and the research that they were talking about was different types of chronic illnesses.
But the final statement was that we are moving into a culture that is very similar to the symptoms that have been identified in autism. Yeah, that's right. Let me say that again. We are moving into a culture that demonstrates the same symptoms that have been identified in the autistic population. Lack of socialization. lack of being able to integrate many things at one time. And I do, I see this in clinical practice as well, that it is no longer enough just to identify one piece of a situation or something that's going on in somebody's body and make a difference.
It's a network. And that is exactly the foundation in autism is the networks are very immature and they're not polished and not fine-tuned.
Phones, Isolation, and Lost Connection 12:00
And when we look at our world today, everybody is constantly looking down at their phones. And there is very little eye contact, and there very is little socialization. I pass people all the time. walking down the street, you said hello. And I've purposely been watching this lately in my own living environment where I pass people in the parking area and nobody, I have stopped initiating the hello just to see, do I just get the response because I say it? Or is it genuinely something that somebody wants to do?
Do they want to connect? And I do believe, and I've talked about this with many other adults, is that ever since COVID, connection has been really lost. that isolation period of time, I don't feel like we've actually moved back into community and connection. And it is, it's very hard. I even hear it from young people, which It's typically easier for them because they're out and about and doing more things, but it's even difficult for they. We have to kind of sit back and we have look at these pieces of information.
Has the pendulum gone so far? Is it ready to come back with a big swing? Can we recapture the elements of communication, eye contact, and be able to be involved with other people. And we have to remember, I also talked about the subconscious mind and the development of the child. What are you role modeling to the children? I was commended over Thanksgiving. that I was playing with a little kid that was part of our Thanksgiving gathering. And I took her outside and let her run around, and I sat at the fire pit.
I wasn't on my phone. because I was present with the child. I laughed with a child, I engaged into their play, but I don't think that should be such a rarity.
Presence, Attention, and Dysregulation 15:00
We have to remain present. If you're a parent and you are listening to this, i am teaching children right now what it means to be present, because they are already demonstrating. that they're having a hard time being able to be right where they are in the given moment. Now, let me sidebar for a second. How does this all tie together? Well, if a child cannot stay present, how can you expect them to pay attention? And how many kids today have that label of attention deficit? First of all, we must remember Labels do not tell you what the problem is.
They just meet a list of criterion that has been established in the Diagnostic Statistical Manual that is used in our medical system to identify, create a diagnosis, and then what are the recommended treatments. When to me, they're very limited because you're only looking at one aspect and typically it is surrounding either a medication, a surgery, perhaps some type of therapy. And that's a very, limited set of action steps to look at something. I feel like we miss the very big picture. If a child cannot socialize, I guarantee you, you would see that they have a high distractibility because they're constantly looking out or looking around the area.
And I'll explain these. I'm going to give you three for today. They have high their communication is delayed, and their withdrawal reflexes are still in active mode. They did not integrate. Now instead, wonder if that child would then be labeled autistic. What have we learned about even the diagnosis of autism is that it has different levels. So let's say this is more like a level one, but if you do a developmental assessment on the child, That distractibility, looking around the room, has to do with the peripheral vision of our eyes.
Peripheral Vision, Stress, and Autism-Like Patterns 18:00
Now, I've mentioned this in previous podcasts, and you can go do deeper dives, but the Peripheral Vision is 94% of your vision. And it is intimately connected to those withdrawal reflexes, which is our early defense system. And what this would mean is that I am scanning my environment because I need to know that i'm safe in the world. So it isn't really I'm distracted. I actually using an innate part of my nervous system in order to note that im safe and try to regulate myself. And really, I can look in their eyes and begin to see the picture.
They're pupils. So the blacks of your eyes, the pupils are large. And that happens when you are in stress. Child, adult, it doesn't matter. That's one of the very first things that I look at. What is the size of this child's pupils? When you in are stress, your pupils open up to allow more light in so that you can scan your environment and make sure you're safe. It happens for all of us. It's a neurological function. So we would have those elements of early neurological systems that didn't grow up and integrate like they were supposed to, which is part of that whole network maturation of neurology in the brain that has been absolutely identified in autistic population.
Now the other one was communication. Part of those five pillars. And typically, those children, because they are locked in these stress responses, They don't respond quickly. Sometimes they respond inappropriately. And sometimes it's just sounds coming out. Those are very easy to pick up on. And this is what is so valuable about understanding pediatric developmental maturation, because so many children have so may things going on. Today it is one in five children that are not wiring up correctly.
Now don't misunderstand me, it's not one in five with autism. The number is quite low or the stats are like one and thirty, one, and fifteen, depending upon geographic areas and who you cite. But one-in-five children are not wiring up the way that they are supposed to.
Margins, Regulation, and Back-to-School Readiness 21:00
Okay, so if we're talking about children and we are talking school-age kids, what happened during the subconscious development? Okay this is us. This is the adults in their lives. What are you role modeling? Are you always on your phone? Do you have something attached to you? We have to be incredibly mindful when it comes to what is it that we are showing our child as typical behavior. Are we teaching them? You know what, we're taking a break from devices. Can we handle it if they get upset? If they give upset and you give in, you are lost.
That should be a immediate red flag of a dysregulated child. And you're the only one that can change that. And it's not 100% comfortable for a little bit of time, but it summer time. Well, I hope you get to hear it during the summer. This one may not come out till fall, But it is going to be the same thing, is that these kids would be going back to school. What kind of transition did they make? What did the do over the Summer that got them prepared, expanded the margins? I always talk about a piece of loose leaf paper.
You remember what we would use to write on loose-leaf paper? And on the left side, there was the two little red lines very close together. And you were taught, don't go on other side of the lines. That's the margin. Okay. There's many adults that do not have a margin. There are many children that Do not Have a Margin. If we don't have A margin, we cannot learn something new. That just means that our threshold is like a metronome, like A metromome on a piano. And boy, when you get to this level, you're done.
Okay? We are edgy. We Are irritable. We don't have the room to expand. The child then needs something and what do you do? How do your respond to the child? And this is what I mean by we are shaping where this going. Now, we can turn every bit of this around, but we have to be mindful.
Changing Yourself to Change the Culture 24:00
What are you doing for yourself? This is why we will always take care of everyone that wants to come to connect my brain, regardless if you're a child or an adult, because we want to help you be the best version of you that you can be. What's going on in your body? What going in on your brain? We can look at those things and really help you identify. I was so floored listening to that podcast where the individual said, we are on our way of being a culture that really does reflect the same symptoms that have been used to diagnose autism.
We as a culture are becoming the Same Thing. So this week, what I want you to do, I Want you To Make Eye Contact With Everybody That You See. I want you to initiate a hello. I Want you step out of your comfort zone. And if any of that feels uncomfortable, that's going to be your red flag. What can you do to make you the best version of you? And we want you to reach out to Connect My Brain. We want to you learn what it is that we do here. Now, we do have a very distinct program for children, but we've also used that same program helping adults with traumatic brain injury, helping adult with depression, anxiety.
even somebody like a CEO type of position wanting to be the best version of themselves because they were opening a restaurant. Now that particular individual, that takes me back to about 2006. And this is 2026 and that individual was stuck and he was so worried that he never gonna get his restaurant open. He was worried about the impact it was having on his family. And I said, let me help you with neurofeedback. And you know what, he did it. And guess what? 20 years later, his restaurant is still open in Atlanta, Georgia.
I'm so proud of him. You don't have to be stuck. you can take a step, you could do something for yourself, and you change, because your brain wants that change.
Call to Action and Closing Resources 27:00
It's hungry for that, change it goes towards that. And what can we do with that is we can influence. a generational momentum of frequency and start to push that pendulum in the other direction. Won't you join me? Thanks so much for tuning in. Be sure and go look at the website. Connect my brain. Fill out a form. I'll be happy to get in touch with you. The office number is 678-501-5172. We are here to be part of just change that can get our world into a joyful state. Be blessed. Thanks for listening.
I hope today's lesson will help you or someone you love. Do you have a question or just really want to talk to somebody about brains? Connect with me over on Facebook or Instagram at Connect My Brain. Looking to understand and optimize your particular brain? Check out connectmybrain.com for course information and resources. See you next class. you
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