Discover Penetration-Free Paths To Amazing Sex

Lee Jagger

I am so glad to be an alumni and to come back and work with you. We have great conversations, and I have no doubt this is going to be another one. Thank you so much for having me.

Betsy Greenleaf, DO, FACOOG (Distinguished)

Plus, I think your background story is just fascinating. You are an erotic massage coach, but how did you get to be that?

Lee Jagger

I get asked that all the time because it is not that common. I would say a few years ago, I remember lying belly down on my bed and counting out the coins in the bottom of my purse and a few bills and all the money in my purse added up to $28.23. I will never forget that amount. That was more than what was in my bank account. I was scooping up all the change from my bedspread. My phone rang. It was this woman who saw my ad on Craigslist, the ad where I placed an ad looking for work, and she said, Hey, you could do erotic massages and make a ton of cash doing these happy endings. I thought, Erotic massage? Giving happy endings to men I do not know? Here I am with my mouth hanging open, Me? 

Let me tell you a little bit about what my sexual life looked like up until this point. I was not exactly what you would call a tigress in the bedroom. I had a pretty low libido. I was starting menopause, so sex was getting uncomfortable. Dryness and whatnot. Half the time, my boyfriend could not even maintain an erection. Our sexual life was not great. I was not a tigress by any stretch of the imagination. When a guy pulls your hand down towards his penis, silently asking you to tickle his pickle? Well, I had been thinking, I hope he gets hard fast so he can just stick it in already. Because I do not know what to do with my hands. Me, doing erotic massage as a job was ridiculous. I was not qualified at all, and I certainly did not even want to do that work. 

But here I am. I was looking down at the change on my bed, and I needed the money. I figured I just had to do it, for a couple of weeks and get ahead. I took the job. On that first day, I was determined to be that sexy tigress and pretend to be all confident. The guys would tip me big because I was just working for tips that first day. Have you ever watched Seinfeld? That show? The character Elaine?

Betsy Greenleaf, DO, FACOOG (Distinguished)

Yes.  

Lee Jagger

Her crazy dance moves? She thinks she is so cool. She busted out some funky moves, but she just looks awkward. Well, that was me. Except, unlike Elaine, I was not oblivious to my awkwardness. I was feeling it in my bones, especially the happy ending part. I was just fumbling my way through. I did not know what to do other than play all up and down. There was no warm-up training on a cucumber. No, I was just thrown in. A naked man on a massage table. At one point during the happy ending, the guy pushed my hand away and finished himself off. I just stood there. I am getting tingles as I am saying this now. 

I just stood there silently, trying not to fidget. I am not sure where to look or what to do with my oily hands. God, I hated that feeling. The feeling of being incompetent. Typically, in sexy situations, I am used to the guy just taking the lead and me just going along with whatever he wants to do. There is no creativity in the bedroom. I did not know how to rock a guy’s world other than open up my legs and let him go at it. When it came down to it, I had no game. I had no power in the bedroom. I could have booked it out of there and just had my tail between my legs the whole time. Never go back. 

But I thought, Lee, it was time to put on your big girl pants. Dang it, I want it to be great in bed. I wanted to know how to touch a guy confidently. I knew in my bones that this job was my opportunity and my practice ground to step into my power. Instead of running back to my comfort zone, I leaned in, and I did that work, not for the two weeks I had planned, but for years. I accumulated, get this, over 2000 clients. You do anything 2,000 times. You are going to get good at it. You are going to work out some kinks. By practicing on all those guys, I discovered about 69 different ways to touch a guy’s privates to bring him to his knees.

Betsy Greenleaf, DO, FACOOG (Distinguished)

I love it. That is a number too.

Lee Jagger

Yes. There is a little more than 69, but I use, everyone remembers, 69. When a client came in who could not get an erection, he had ED. I figured out exactly how to knock his socks off. I felt Beyonce strutting onto her stage and owning it. A surprise side effect was that sexy time with my boyfriend, I immediately turned around, and all of a sudden I was that wild cat. I was always in the mood. The first time I gave him an erotic massage, she said, What are you doing for the next 50 years? He was looking at me with heart emojis in his eyes. I was better than the best thing since pizza and beer. His ED was no longer a problem. I rocked his world, whether it was hard or not. More importantly, I rocked my world. I had the best sex of my life without intercourse. Who knew that was even possible? I had no idea. 

At some point, my girlfriends noticed sparks flying between me and my boyfriend. We are, Lee. What are you doing? What are you guys doing? They wanted me to help them with their relationship and give them tips for their boring, sexless marriages. I kid you not. My marriages were saved because of what I told them. Helping my friends have a happier relationship or getting guys off in my office, helping women was way more gratifying than what I was doing with strangers in my office. After honing my skills on over 2,000 penises, I stopped working with the men. I have been teaching women everything I have learned ever since.

Betsy Greenleaf, DO, FACOOG (Distinguished)

I love that. I almost think that we all need to take that class from the moment we become sexually active. Because you are, nobody ever teaches you. I remember. I cannot believe I am telling you guys this. Okay. I remember the first. There we go. Go tell it to everybody—the whole world. I remember the first time I touched a penis, and I remember reading that the tip was very sensitive. Nobody told me up and down; I did not. I sat there and rubbed it circularly because I was, I do not know, I read that it is sensitive on the tip. I had no clue what to do.

Lee Jagger

It is just that it is awkward. We do not have that part. It feels awkward. It feels a little bit eww. Do I have to? My vagina is touching his penis? Do I need to touch it? Yes, this is a sorely needed education.

Betsy Greenleaf, DO, FACOOG (Distinguished)

I think it is so important because, as we are talking this summer about sexual dysfunction, people get so focused on genitals to genitals. There are so many other things that we could be doing and exploring. There are some medical conditions where people just cannot do it with the genitals. This is a great option, no matter who you are, to throw some spice into things and enjoy the pleasure of being touched.

Lee Jagger

Yes, it is. It is a shift from focusing on orgasm to focusing on pleasure because orgasm is pleasurable. We are looking for pleasure, but we are so orgasm-focused that we have lost sight of intimacy and being connected. Pleasure. Play all those things in the bedroom, which are so important.

Betsy Greenleaf, DO, FACOOG (Distinguished)

I know that this is great. Everybody, you are going to have to go check out Lee’s websites after, when we are all done with this. just to put in a plug for you there, but I know you cannot go over all your techniques, but, how did you figure out, I am going to say, I said, how do you figure out different techniques and what to do, and let alone, I have I can come up with two I am good in book 69.

Lee Jagger

There were two ways I came up with all these techniques. One was that I listened to men. I am a perfectionist, so I wanted to know what was working. I did not want a guy to push my hand away again, some guys would say, When, if you were to rub underneath my balls in the perineal area, that feels good because the prostates are on the other side of that muscle. I would listen to what guys were asking for, and also, the biggest reason why I ended up with many techniques was because I was doing it in certain ups and downs in such a way that one hand, the one closest to the head of the penis, was getting more. It was cramping up. I started seeing 5 to 7 clients a day. Seven days a week.

Betsy Greenleaf, DO, FACOOG (Distinguished)

Talk about the carpal tunnel.

Lee Jagger

Yes, exactly. I am, My God, I cannot move my hand today. I had to take my hand off and do something else. Okay,  if I give it a rest, But I do not want to stretch my hand out in the middle of the happy ending. I kept one hand going while I rested, the other one doing something along his scrotum or whatever. I discovered these ten different magic spots in the private area, all of which were very stimulating. But I was mixing it up so much that there was no overuse of muscles in my hands. It was a survival technique to not cripple my fingers, too. That is how I came up with all the techniques I just needed. I did not want to do the same thing for five or 10 minutes. It was boring and hard on my hands.

Betsy Greenleaf, DO, FACOOG (Distinguished)

I am sure you get this question because I remember when I first knew about what you did. My first thought, I will tell you honestly, was, Well, what is in it for me? Why would I want to do that to someone? What do I get out of that?

Lee Jagger

Yes. I get that question all the time before women get into the program and experience it. Everything I am about to tell you has come from the mouths of the women who have gone through my training. I did not make any of this up. The first thing that happens for a woman is that even when she takes my free training, which is one free technique, just that thing alone, their confidence skyrockets because instead of just going along with whatever he wants to do and letting the guy sit in the driver’s seat in the bedroom, she is in the driver’s seat. She is looking down at her guy, watching him squirm, moan, and lose his mind. She realizes I am doing that. I am taking credit for that. She gives herself a high five in her head because she is inflicting that much pleasure. It gives women comfortable confidence. Taking control in the bedroom is typically uncomfortable if you do not know what you are doing. Confidence goes up, which always feels good because that ripples out into the rest of your life. If you are confident in the bedroom, you are confident in asking your boss for a raise. It just ripples out. 

Another thing I focus on is not just the physical techniques but also the verbal communication techniques. Yes, couples are always talking about certain things, and I hear it all the time. Yes, I talk to my guy all the time, but he does not listen well. It is how you are talking to him that is maybe putting him into a defensive mode, or so it helps women to express themselves and get their desires met because now she can verbalize them. Communication is a big thing that goes through the roof, and everyone benefits from it not only women. To single ladies out there, she is walking into a first date instead of thinking, I hope he likes me. This guy is super hot. I am totally into him. I hope he likes me. Is he going to call me back later? No, she is thinking, You are going to love me? You are going to be a lucky guy if I answer the phone when you call me because I got something that is going to blow you away, and you are never going to want to let me go. Her confidence in going out and meeting guys is through the roof because her self-perception has changed and her self-esteem has gone up. 

This is just a different level of care for a guy. When you are doing erotic massage on a guy you are exposing him to sensitivities he has, sensations that he has never felt before because he cannot physically do these on himself. This is not a masturbation course. He has to get someone to give him this treatment. When you are inflicting such pleasure on your guy, that makes him think that he has just gone to the eighth dimension of bliss. Then he is going to treat you like a queen. The extrinsic rewards are: I hear this all the time, Last night I did these techniques. I tried three techniques out on my guy tonight. Guess what? He is making me dinner. He never makes me dinner, Or he is fixing that fence that I have been bugging him about for the last six months. Why? Because he wants to get back to that sweet spot. he is. I am asking you for a to-do list because he wants to reciprocate in some way for all the bliss that you are giving him. Women come out, I think, probably even ahead of what the guys get into.

Betsy Greenleaf, DO, FACOOG (Distinguished)

I love this. Then, I am also imagining, is it all just a massage of the genitals or are you teaching techniques for other parts of the body?

Lee Jagger

Yes, there is massage on the rest of his body involved. But I found that I used to release this big course that gave you head to toe. All the parts of the body are mixed into a lot of sensual massage techniques, including back massage, leg massage, and all the other parts. I found that more than anything, people were skipping the leg massage and going straight for the happy ending stuff because that was the quickest fix that would move the needle the quickest for their relationship. 

While I give people a bonus of this, a date night massage where you start on his back and do a lot of teasing, and then you flip them over and do a few happy ending techniques. Yes, people get that as a bonus when they sign up for my membership. But the membership itself is mostly happy-ending stuff on the genitals because that is the thing that moves the needle overnight. 

Betsy Greenleaf, DO, FACOOG (Distinguished)

Yes. 

Lee Jagger

The urges are saved in a week because he wants you to get there as soon as possible. Yes, while there is a lot of good teasing and sensuality and going slow, and we are not in a race for a finish line here, he does want you to touch his penis and his scrotum, and all those things, he wants you to touch him there because most men do not touch them enough. The focus is mostly on the beginning of his privates. Yes. We are going for the quickest win here because if you can get a quick win overnight, and you can see a change in your relationship in one night; the rest is just sprinkles on top.

Betsy Greenleaf, DO, FACOOG (Distinguished)

It is funny. I was going to say this, and then I was. I am going to say it because I caught myself and I was giggling. I was thinking, Well, this would come in handy. Then I was, Handy? Yes. Sometimes you come home and you love your partner and everything, but sometimes I am just exhausted and just not in the mood. This is another good option for that too. You do not want to, because sometimes you blow up your partner because you are not in the mood to set up this rejection response. Now it becomes tougher and tougher for the partners to ask for sex from each other because they do not want to get rejected again. Not only do we have this as a confidence booster for the woman, but it also keeps that relationship going, too, with the partner.

Lee Jagger

Yes, absolutely. There are honestly a bunch of women in my membership, and they say I do not want to have sex with my guy. I do not want this to improve our intercourse time. I do not want to make him feel loved. I want to keep the peace in my relationship. I want him to have that release because I know he is in a better mood when he does. I do want to connect with him intimately, but after menopause, I cannot have intercourse anymore, or I am exhausted, or any of the other reasons why.

Betsy Greenleaf, DO, FACOOG (Distinguished)

If you just had a baby,

Lee Jagger

You just had a baby, for all the reasons. I just want to make him see God in 5 minutes, and I want to go to sleep. So there are some women who they are. I want this to be a short, drawn-out thing. 5 minutes. Take me around the rings of Saturn. I am good. Okay. Good night. Sweet dreams.

Betsy Greenleaf, DO, FACOOG (Distinguished)

My God. I love that. I wanted to ask you, with the massage, are you using lubes or oils, or do you find things that work better than others?

Lee Jagger

Yes, definitely. Some people try water-based lubes. I do not recommend that because they dry out so quickly. For those who do use that, I say just keep a finger bowl of warm water beside your bed and dip your fingers into it once in a while, and it reactivates. The lube is still there. It is just dehydrated. 

Betsy Greenleaf, DO, FACOOG (Distinguished)

A trick I never knew.

Lee Jagger

Yes.  Instead of using half a bottle of lube in one session, just use a fair amount of lube and then just keep wetting it, and it will re-slippify it. I am making that word of it. Oil-based lubes are great. They work well and they will keep the area oiled up very well for a longer period. However, they are not great mixed with condoms. If you have to wear a condom, the oil base is not great. I recommend this massage gel with Fair Pro. It rinses off without water or soap. Just water, you could hot towel your guy off, and he has no oil all over. He is not slippery, and he does not have to have a shower. You can just wipe it off. I love it, and it has a great slip, but it is ideally oil-based oils or lubes, which are best as far as the massage goes, but water-based oils will do in a pinch. Coconut oil, if he is not, most people have coconut oil in their pantry or whatever. It will work in a pinch, as long as he is not allergic to coconut.

Betsy Greenleaf, DO, FACOOG (Distinguished)

Yes, that would be bad.

Lee Jagger

Yes, but you do not want to do this on just dry skin, because typically the genital area is a little bit sticky and moist down there. You do want some type of lubricant. Let me tell you, ladies, spit is not going to do it. No. You just go get yourself some massage oil, and it is way more comfortable for you and him.

Betsy Greenleaf, DO, FACOOG (Distinguished)

I am trying to think of all the other questions that I could come up with as I have all these things running around in my mind. What are the questions you get asked most commonly when it comes to this?

Lee Jagger

A lot of the questions that I get asked do not even have to do with the hands how do I rock my guy’s world? It is more about how we feel more connected. I just want to connect with him; I want to have sex, but I do want to be intimate, and I do want to give him what he needs because he needs something different than me. Then I want to give sometimes, i.e., intercourse. I do want to connect with him intimately, but I just want to feel like we did when we were kids. I want to feel happy, excited, and passionate about my relationship. How do we get there? and for me, the answer is always better communication. 

One thing that I can offer your listeners is this exercise of asking better questions in the bedroom or out of the bedroom. But if you can communicate in the bedroom, you can communicate anywhere. When women first start, they will be asking their guy something. Does this feel good? He will say yes. Or how does this feel? That is the wrong question to ask. Your heart is in the right place. Yes, but you are not always getting an accurate or honest answer when you ask a question like that. I encourage people to ask either/or questions; when I do this with this amount of pressure and maybe press lightly, or when I do it this way, the same thing, but do it lighter and do it lighter? He can feel the difference between more pressure and less pressure, which feels better to you. Then you are asking him to make a choice. 

Instead of him feeling he is going to criticize you by saying, No, I do not know what you are doing, he is choosing to say, You press harder, that feels good. It does not hurt your feelings. He feels more apt to answer a little more accurately so that you can fine-tune it, and it lets him know you want to get it just right. You want to knock this out of the park. You are not just trying to whack him off. None of my stuff looks like you are whacking him off, by the way, because nobody does that. The men, or us, we do not do that. It wedges and opens the door to communication so that you can have a deeper connection with your guy. It is not about what you are doing, but how you are doing it. How you get there is by asking better questions. That is what I would say. No matter what you are doing, just ask questions to fine-tune what you are doing to make it better.

Betsy Greenleaf, DO, FACOOG (Distinguished)

I love that. This all comes down to relationships. Number one, relationship stress is usually the biggest cause of sexual dysfunction because when there’s that stress between a couple, that adds to so many different layers of intimacy issues.

Lee Jagger

When you take performance anxiety, which is a huge stressor in the bedroom, a lot of people think, There is no performance anxiety. Yes, there is. If all women have probably been in this situation where a guy is trying to give her an orgasm, he is. Did you come yet? Or just relax, or he is pushing us to try to have this orgasm and that is performance anxiety. That is the best way to not reach an orgasm. 

When you can take stress out of the bedroom, everything gets more playful, it gets more relaxed, and it gets more connected and intimate. People are not lacking in sex. They are lacking intimacy. That is what we are after here. Not more sex, more intimacy, more connection. Yes, it is, and that’s the whole bit. That is the basis of everything that I teach: let us just take the finish line and the pressure to get there off the table. Let us let go of the orgasm and get back into pleasure, connection, and compassion in the bedroom.

Betsy Greenleaf, DO, FACOOG (Distinguished)

I grew so much because I thought I was. I do not know when in our human history orgasm became the goal. Even research has shown, and I was looking at this research recently, that even just the touch without orgasm has tons of health benefits when it comes to boosting endorphins and dopamine, helping with sleep, and all those feel-good hormones. It is not even that everyone has got to get to the finish line. We got there.

Lee Jagger

Yes, it is a means to an end. The quality of the touch and the benefit of the touch get lost in the pressure to get somewhere, and it becomes less intimate and just yes. Touch for just the sake of touch. I am touching you not to get something done, not to take this somewhere else. There is, not a secret agenda going on. I am touching you here because I know it feels good to you. I just want to make you feel good. my body. When even just thinking about that, just relax. It is, awesome. Just this non-expectation of it needing to go anywhere else. We are just sinking into the bliss of the moment and enjoying each other’s bliss, pleasure, and company. That is healing. 

When people experience that, guess what? They want to have more sex. It is counterintuitive, but the less you put pressure on having sex, the more it just seems to go towards the intimate encounter. Because now you are relaxed, you are gooey, and you are feeling good, and women need to be warmed up to do anything in the bedroom. Yes, especially for women who are going through menopause, and intercourse is just if that is not there; typically, they are not having any action in the bedroom.

Betsy Greenleaf, DO, FACOOG (Distinguished)

I know that I am thinking once again, This is so funny with this summit because I am trying not to throw in personal stories because I know my family and everybody is going to kill me, but now that my husband’s going to, why are you telling everybody this stuff? But honestly, there have been times when I have been married for 20 years. There have been times when I even avoid just brushing or touching his arm in the house because I am afraid that is going to lead to something else. I do not feel like doing that now, but I am. Wait a minute. I love this whole idea that this is not just because there’s touch does not mean that there is, and that is this, means this end where we now have to go into the whole intercourse thing.

Lee Jagger

Yes. It takes training men to get that, Hey, if I kiss you and hold it for  5 seconds, a nice long smooch, can we make it just a long smooch and not read into it that it has to lead to jumping into the bedroom? Because if you let me smooch you longer and just let it be that unless I give you this, I will take your hand and take you into the bedroom and just let it be a smooch, then I am going to smooch you more. Guys do not. 

There are ways to train a guy to connect those dots because they are just trying to get any attention that they can. You give them a little bit of attention, and they are, yes, okay, let us keep this momentum going. It is a retraining of our guys to understand, what is a signal to; Yes, let us get it on, and what is a signal to, Hey, I just want this to be this. Nothing else requires communication.

Betsy Greenleaf, DO, FACOOG (Distinguished)

Yes. I think you must. From a personal development standpoint, what do they always tell you to be mindful of in the moment? I think in all parties is a big analogy for our whole lives. All parties were always rushing to get somewhere; maybe we just needed to stop, take a moment, and just use erotic massage.

Lee Jagger

Yes. If there is one thing that I can impart to your listeners today, it is this: Everybody writes this down: Slow Equals Moan. The slower you go, no matter what you are doing, sexual or nonsexual, If you are kissing your guy or doing an erotic massage or anything, if you just slow that thing down, if you are watching a slow-motion movie or something, it feels better. When you slow it down, you are enjoying it more, and you are not in a rush to get it over with because it feels so good to be here and enjoy that. Yes. I am not in a rush to go anywhere and change this. I want to stay here for a bit, and it makes people a little bit more present in the bedroom and drop that finish line because if they cross that big O-finish line, then it is over. Okay, we are done. 

But if what is happening before you get close to that orgasm is so good, it is almost better than the orgasm itself. I have heard couples say that if you are less likely to race towards that orgasm because of what is happening now,  you do not want to let go of it. It is so good. I have had one of my guy clients, Ryan, say; Sex, and he meant intercourse used to be the pinnacle. The outcome that I was looking for was that all guys look for it in intercourse. That’s good. That is the Holy Grail for guys. But I have come to understand that her hands can do things that her vagina cannot.

Betsy Greenleaf, DO, FACOOG (Distinguished)

Very good point.

Lee Jagger

When you are giving him sensations with your hands that your vagina cannot, i.e., he has never felt this before because his sensations are either from his hand up and down or inside your vagina, Then it changes the ballgame. It is just a completely different game altogether, and it is so good. He does not want to move away from it. Yes, it is just so delicious when you can get away from the rush of trying to get somewhere and just sink into the bliss of the moment. That is true intimacy and connection in a relationship. That is when things get good. Yes.

Betsy Greenleaf, DO, FACOOG (Distinguished)

Lee, this has been so much fun to talk to you. I could talk to you for hours. You are full of so much incredible information. But in wrapping up, is there anything that I did not ask you about that you specifically wanted us to know about?

Lee Jagger

I wish that women would understand that they have all the power in the bedroom and that having power in the bedroom does not need to be a scary thing. When you do not have any skills, then yes, that is scary. But when you have some skills at your fingertips, then the whole world changes, and you alone can change your relationship and how you are with your husband or your boyfriend, whoever is in the bedroom. By what you do, you can affect how he behaves toward you and behaves in the bedroom. 

You could change the whole picture by doing things differently. If you are doing something differently in such a compassionate, loving, and giving way erotic massage, the world’s your oyster. You write your ticket and put 50,000 things on that honey-do list. He is going to want to do them all. Your power is at your fingertips. It is so easy. easy. Yes.

Betsy Greenleaf, DO, FACOOG (Distinguished)

My goodness. Where can people find more information about you?

Lee Jagger

Well, my website is RocktheBedroom.com, and that is where they find the free technique they can try. I am on all the social media: rockthebedroom, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, etc. But I recommend that people start with the free training because once they get to my word, they can email me their situations and say, Hey, this is our situation. Can you help us? Then I will be able to answer them.

Betsy Greenleaf, DO, FACOOG (Distinguished)

That is great for everybody. I highly recommend you go check out her website because it is amazing. I want to thank you, Lee, for taking the time to be with us and for being such an amazing speaker. It has been wonderful.

Lee Jagger

Thank you for putting on this summit. This education needs to get out there to women because women have been oppressed regarding their bodies for far too long. You are empowering women with this summit. Thank you for your part in this.

Betsy Greenleaf, DO, FACOOG (Distinguished)

Awesome. Once again. Thank you.  Everybody, I just want to remind you to go check out Lee Jagger at rockthebedroom.com. Do not forget to stick around because we have more great sessions coming up.