Be VicTORIEus Ep. 57

Book Announcement and ACEs Introduction 0:00

Hey, you guys, it's me, Dr. Tori. My book is officially out. And yes, It is time to talk about ACEs. You guys can find the books everywhere. However, I would encourage you, guys to go to my website, bevictorious.com and place your order today. Yes. It's time. To talk. About ACE's. Let's go, y'all. Hello. Welcome to another episode of Be Victorious. You guys know who I am. It's Dr. Tori. And I'm here with a very special guest of mine. I think this one is going to be good. We're talking about a fellow podcaster, we're taking about somebody that's heavy on mental health.

What I love is that the experiences that she's going through right now are very familiar to me. I've been trying to get this person on for a while, and it is my pleasure to introduce AJ.

AJu2019s Interest in ACEs and Mental Health Advocacy 1:12

Where are you? Hi, Dr. Torrey. Thank you so much for having me on the show. When I saw ACES with your whole platform and research industry specialization here, I said, yes, she gets it. My madness. And here we are. Tell me where your interest in ACES lies. What made you so interested in supporting and advocating for ACEs? And I've been the, I guess like a lot of, and this overused word trauma, but a of trauma survivors in adulthood, when we start learning about all of this stuff, mind you, neither of my degrees are in psych anything.

You just become a student and a patient of these stuff after so many hospitals, so may doctors visit, So much reflection. It's like the cancer kids at St. Jude's, they could pronounce otolaryngologist before they can pronounce leg up. So for me, I guess, looking back, um, think Dr. Nadine Harris Burke did a Ted talk on ACEs, a couple of years ago. And when I saw that I said, Oh crap, but I was the poster child for a whole lot of yours. I just didn't know what that was. Um, and I didn' know there was a name for it.

Right. Going back I'm in North Carolina, in Raleigh. I want you to still have a show tomorrow, so don't get mad at me if I name drop. But at the time, I wasn't living in Wake County when I moved here in 2008. I was in Chapel Hill. So the behemoth, UNC, and the one right next door, Duke, both of their doctors, if that's what you want to call them, Psych units I was the ER above psych unit at UNC basically tried to kill me. So when I saw how women, particularly African American women and homeless.

African American women were treated by the mental health system. It's some very old, old Caucasian dollars, that behemoth. I said, no, I have to advocate. So basically by, by my second day there at the neurosciences hospital, you know, I'd say the nursing team was really, really good to us, that attending and all of the hubris that had something to prove to their med students, there was a different story, and I ignored the hell out of them, because I took it upon myself to advocate and to make aware other patients.

Like, hey, this is your right in North Carolina. Let me explain education, you now, all that stuff. So the short answer is that's where it came from. A lot of my own personal mental health struggles and how I was treated by the system. And you were in the hospital for what? Which time? Let's talk about the recent situation. I haven't been to a psych hospital. I hadn't hospitalized, thank God, since February of 2018. And coincidentally, that was at UNC. There wasn't, I don't believe, anywhere in Durham where I could have been taken, so I was taken back to Chapel Hill.

But I told myself, after that last fiasco, i'm never going back into a psychiatric hospital ever, ever again. Good for you. Now, the therapist I had, she was just mourning. She retired. I don't know if I did that, but she retired and I have some other ones since then. But yeah, it's been a journey. And if anything, my entire life, and like you said, The Podcast isn't for the weak, uh leaving home getting your sea legs and and all of my 20s and 30s that is you know what i i strive to help people avoid just through education and awareness like sis nobody told me x y y xyz let me help you Because I come from where you're going.

And so tell us your ACES score. Child 7,000. It said eight, but I would almost say nine, simply because there was a half of an answer. I think it was question five that did not apply.

Childhood Trauma, Family Dynamics, and Cycle Breaking 6:00

But I think the other half of that did. You can't remember what it was, something about feeling loved and that I say on which day. Because I grew up with a mom from Trinidad and I'm gonna give a shout out to a creator, this man, oh God, he's worth his weight in gold, certified Samson. His mom is Trinidadian and I did this one particular video that I was looking for I wanted to send you and if you look at the comments, it doesn't matter whether it's Trini, Jamaican, St. Croix, I mean, anywhere in the Caribbean, we were all raised by the same closet psycho parents.

You know, they rule with an iron fist. The moms are, you know they just have this fight spirit by default. Patriarchy is strong. You, know the rule was an Iron Fist. And if you heard my episode six cannot stand to be wrong. Right. So we had a lot of that. going on. It's like American, mommy dairies to an expo. And so what you're saying is granted you live here, however, you grew up in an environment where ACES was really normalized bad. Yeah, I grew up in an American household, but by Trinidadian.

Well, not set of parents. Mama was a side chick. That's a whole different story. But in a household by someone who is not from this country. And if there are second generation folks listening, and I don't care what island or dot on a map country your people are from, they can tell you, seriously, if this were live, they would be calling you right now. Like, yep, that's my mom. Yep. She did that. Mm hmm. Yup. I'm still. Yeah. What makes you the cycle breaker? Oh, because I've always been the black sheep.

You know, we couldn't talk. Gen X kids are not these kids today. We just could not talk back, you know. Whatever I says goes. A lady should be seen and not heard. Friar may give you something to cry for. So because, I couldn' exactly be rebellious, not to an extreme. under my mother's roof. My payback, my way of pissing her off, the way she set her alarm to get up every morning and piss me off was to do things differently than she did. I would ask the questions. I would look at folks like they're crazy, mind telling, you know, Auntie so-and-so.

But what you did was, hey, if I got a pop to the mouth and I felt like I was right, this is not out of arrogance, but I wanted her to see, ma'am, there is something fundamentally wrong with your thinking. This is my fault. And this, is also where, First order comes into play. Right. Okay. Because let's do the math, y'all listeners hear me, I'm also I read and write. I know don't nobody do that no more so I need yall take notes because right about now you're gonna be confused. Um, an example. OK, so, mom and husband.

Brewer, born and raised, Trinidad got married. She was an abuse victim. He beat the crap out of her. They had four children. So like everybody else in the 60s, jumped on a banana boat, came to America, worked like a dog until they got their green card. She met my dad and they never married, of course, because at the time he was already married. But interestingly enough, she never remarried. And I had always wondered if that was because of the abuse she suffered in her first marriage. I don't know, stay focused.

Okay, so she met my father somewhere in the 70s when my older sisters, out of the four kids she had in Trinidad, she have three back to back-to-back. The first three were girls, step ladder, they were under her skirt. And fast forward a few years, then she has the oldest boy who, I do not call brother he's just the oldest waste of space then when she came here you know she had the baby boy by my death four years later she hadn't me so that's that what was going on and if you have three children okay four for the most part that last one got arrested so who basically worship you And here comes this lamb out brand four years later, who just say, no, we're not doing this.

No, mommy. This is weird. Know, you can't go upside my head for something that was your fault. They did that. Right. I'm not going to. So she found ways to get under my skin. And we had a habit of doing that to each other. But for her, it was, how dare you defy me? And for me, no, dammit, I am going break disciples, starting by committing my life to birth control and never bringing any more kids into this gene pool. Never. You answered the question. I do that to society. Y'all don't just, a kid from my school?

Who? Okay. But you know what? So let's have this conversation because honestly, I respect that answer. I respected answer based off of us having previous discussions, us, having the conversation. And I appreciate when you send me good things. We converse. Mm-hmm. Our respect, that, answer because there are people that can't. or people that do, and then they have to go through the things that you discussed. So thank you for being honest. Let's be clear, because we don't think about that. We don' think how much of an impact it would be if these things were to happen.

For you to use that mother wound and that generational trauma and make decisions, congratulations. Cause that's what you just told me. So let's be clear. Yeah. You answered the question. I hope to see the guilt that, that a lot of women live with just our conditioning. We have so much, I mean, layers of things that we need to excavate and just get rid of as a people. But in general, you know, someone said on Instagram somewhere, God, she needs to train right there. She said we were Duke by Disney.

Yeah, that and our moms beating us over the head with a man, a men, every five minutes since we were children. So then we grow up with this just diluted expectation, you know, having the Prince Charming, some dude to rescue us, my bow ass, and having a baby. But then when you really, really ask women, okay, so if that doesn't happen, what are you gonna do? If he just up and left or the shit sank or I don't know, he got robbed at the chicken place, you know or even the kid died, What are going to do, right?

You hung your hat on this thing and it does not play out like in the movies with the white picket fence and the dog named Toto. I don't want that life. Disability is already hard, honey. If the Goodwill had coupons, I would be there. You know what? So let's recap real quick. You talked about yourself, you talked your motivation for being a cycle breaker. You talk about your parents. you talk to that your ACEs score. He talked to about her motivation, for mental health. he talked, about, your reason for everything in your passion and your purpose and, which I truly appreciate.

No, I do because people have to understand the things that we normalize. Are the things that you just talked about things, that happened in households right now.

Life Events, Homelessness, and Mental Health Crises 15:00

it's the conditioning, it is the condition a one of my favorite black male therapist. Paul by Shea Williams, hey Tara, his wife she's an educator, excuse me, retired educator. He said, because there's always that combat, you know, well you're supposed to honor your mother and honor her father and blah blah. I can't wait till I see this in print. Paul said. Sometimes you have to honor and respect from a distance so you won't be triggered to respond and react dishonorably. Hot damn. I mean, when are we going to get it through our heads?

There will be people who will watch the movie Precious and Filthy. Well, but that's her mother. Yep. You're right. One more game. People don't, so this is the thing people don' understand. We normalize this. And we have to stop that for people to understand, like how you said earlier, you didn't know that there was a term. People really don''t know about ACEs for real. They don. And so there's this term. And once people understand exactly what it is, that's how you can identify it. You can understand, you help, and you do what you need to do.

But for you, we started off talking about how to work your way into the mental health system. People really don't know your story. So tell us about your health as of right now. Okay. I'll give you the short version in years. Um, you know, I left home, uh, at 17, um, cause I turned 18 in October. So here I am August of 95, 17 years old, headed to an HBCU for the grown man. Oh, but I've left. To avoid getting pregnant by a family member. Okay, that was in 95. And you know, I have written chapters about what 95 to 99 looked like.

In looking back, what I realized some years, actually about maybe five, six years ago, was able to match, say, two or three different situations in my life things that I had suffered, I have overcome, experience, yada, with almost every symptom on the symptom list for about four, maybe three or four mental health diagnoses. Of course, you know, this is the nineties, nobody's talking about, mental-health this, not the way the cash cow that it is now. Right black folks not going to therapy fast forward to 99 you know things were good you couldn't tell me nothing I had my first apartment in my name with furniture.

Uh, a car that I purchased, everything was good. And then 2001, that's when ish really hit the fan. Um, I had gone through this training. I will not get into it, but when men stay out of job Corps and the United States military block, um, and going through the training where, you know, in this case, now you can't run. Can't cuss anybody out. Got to help you if you do. There's no telling anybody and you can't leave. So for a solid 11 weeks, every single day, I was sexually harassed and called names.

All of the want to fight and mouth it off that I had done all of those years prior, this is where I crashed. Back to 2008. I did not know I had PTSD because you know i've heard that word on TV before and it was combat fatigue and I said well I never went to combat and stationed anywhere. So, you know, I moved again for planning for insight from Portsmouth, Virginia, to Chapel Hill, North Carolina, but because I had my site set on going to UNC for grad school. That was 2008 and I didn't watch the news and find out we were in a recession till I got here.

Right. So you you know, find a job even with all the so-called friends and hookups that I had on the undergrad and graduate level. Ran out of money and then ended up homeless. So I went bouncing around from so called friend to so call friend for about a year until I got on my feet and fast forward to 2010. I, you had epilepsy in 2003. So I was having seizures on again, off again. And of course, with no insurance, you just can't go to the ER every day and keep getting prescriptions. It all crashed in April of 2010. Seizure had really hit my head so bad.

I couldn't work as a communication specialist for a pharmaceutical company anymore. That nice two-bedroom apartment I lost. Headaches were so bad I had to withdraw from grad school, lost the apartment in August. By October I sold my car for money and now I'm sleeping on the floor. So there were a lot of diagnoses and a a who I call JVMDs, these recent grand psychologists and psychiatrists who they've sent me on a hamster wheel with a bunch of meds that were not working. So add withdrawal to the mix and me fighting every doctor and enlisting every social worker, because you're not going to treat me like this.

on up until 2012 I got disability, 2016 I lost the disability. It's another episode. In between there my only saving grace was my one therapist who by 20. I had had for nine years, Dr. Devlin McFarland. She was my constant. None of the others had worked, maybe with the exception of one, but I have spiny therapy through all that time. Didn't know anything was wrong. you know, that whole training program. Well, it wasn't us. You were screwed up when you came here. Not 100% screwed, maybe about 60, because before 2001, sir or ma'am, I was not having nightmares.

I did not hear voices. i was Not having panic attacks, nor was I on any psychotropic medication. So I'll be damned if I sit there and say this was all my fault. And I'm showing up to the VA trying to commit fraud because that's not what happened. So disability, homelessness, sexual assault. All of this under the ACES categories. And then you go reach out for help. One thing that you said that I have to pinpoint is that, you know about therapy. You went to therapy, but the therapy that he went too was not it.

It wasn't until you met the lady that met, the one that were with for nine years that actually was the help, And I am going to bring this up because we reach out to therapists and I honestly don't think we know what we're reaching out for. And, I think that's why it's so important for that ACES questionnaire to come to play because it is not the answer for everything, but it it an introduction. I do believe if they would have introduced that to you, a long time ago, because when you think about it, we're the same age, 95 graduated, hey, you know what I mean?

98 is when the ACEs quiz was available. This is one of the largest quizzes, largest studies in the United States, and people still don't know about. You know why? I'm going to keep it 100. Because of those 17,000 people that were interviewed, And so here it is over the years, you have people like me, I'ma shout myself out because I did my own research. You have, people that have done this, shout out to Dr. Nadine Burke Harris, Shout out all of the people who have compiled all this research on ACEs to get more information out there and we finally have it.

Exactly. That's the good thing about it. All the stories that you just said, the reason why we're not getting as much help as far as mental health, because the bill is already high. You said it and you've been through it, you're a witness of it you go to the hospital and it's like, okay, well let's push you on out the way or we can't keep you here longer or you have this going on. and have been kicked in and out, in, and, out in an out because that epilepsy came from somewhere and to be rejected by people.

We're talking about healthcare systems. I'm just trying to make a sense for everybody because you all don't know her story for real. She's telling you her. Story she's been rejected. By the mental health systems off of things that she really can't control. And what people don't know, and I was so glad I had the opportunity to interview Dr. Tracy Marks. I mean, I've been a black sister psychiatrist for over 20 something years. And I really, really wanted her to reiterate the fact that Since these people live, I mean live to point out fraud and would rather tell you, you are faking than to help you.

I am really glad that she has made multiple YouTube videos on what ADHD looks like in adults versus children. And especially in terms of, our daily habits and executive functioning and all of that.

Therapy, Diagnosis, and System Failures 26:00

But oh, she gave me a nice 10 minute spiel on how difficult it really is to understand and diagnose and determine which mental illness or challenge is going on when you have an existing TBI traumatic brain injury. Quick, quick story. One of those days there at UNC, you know, they give you, after you get doped up like a horse tranquilizer worth of stuff and sleep it off, during the day when you're halfway coherent, just to kind of figure out what's really going on, most places will usually give me some type of assessment.

These people took it upon themselves because you have to remember this is a research facility so right. Yeah, agenda. They get elements and grants for a reason, but they took upon themself not to give me the ACES score I'm talking about 2010. um uh the aces tool they did not give me you know the whole list they gave me the mmpi the minnesota multiphasic um what you call it inventory it is ignored thankfully from what i understand it's not used anymore The MPI is a 567 question glorified lie detector test.

Why? Because somewhere, question 20 might say, I had a wonderful childhood with great parents. Question 105 said I have daydreams about stabbing my mom and killing my dad. I mean, it is to trip you up, so much so when I took, I finished it, handed it to the attending or whomever, chief of surgical importance. And he said, you know, okay, we'll give the score and our results, our findings to your care team. I want to say like a few days later or something they came back. I have a photo copy of this in the shed right now.

It said, interpret results carefully patient either misunderstands the question skipped a question, or is faking. Here's what I asked her, I said ma'am. I just lost my apartment. I am officially homeless. The one thing that I came here for is to go to the Gillings School of Public Health to get my MPH. And I was basically kicked out of school, I didn't just talk to my advisor, and legal counsel from Gilling's. Okay, let's not talk about the relationship with old boy and blah, blah blah. You know, and I'm just naming things.

I said, so please tell me how, in God's name, riddle me this. Could I possibly be faking with all of these documented verifiable things going on? Of course. What you're saying is the public health system failed you. You're paying attention now, huh? Yes, ma'am. Because I want it to make sense again to the listeners, because you have heard the podcast, you hear the different stories. Everybody's story is different. I love how you shared your story. And when you get older, that effect can have a really huge impact.

Especially at this age, you know. And do you think this is the reason why they updated the ACEs list to include things like homelessness, And community violence and things of that nature. Yeah, because not only is it's interesting that you said it and I didn't know this the sample group, if you will, for for the original ACES tool did include any of us, but no. quite often these studies or tools, assessments, all of this stuff, not only do they not consider our interest in things, but at the same time, they tend to have very, very biased people holding the pen.

So of course, if you think all homeless folks are lazy and bottom feeders, How does that factor into aces? No, no, let's just harp on, and I'm not minimizing, but let us just harp on sexual assault and bad parenting. you know, and that's your story. You know what I mean? And I think that what people have to understand. That's why ACEs is such a really big deal because they have categorized things. And now with them adding this new category, that everybody, if you are in the community and you have been, you witnessed violence in your community, let's be clear.

We just watched and I'll put it out there, this young man that got executed publicly. And he was innocent. Racism is on the list now, finally, for adverse childhood experiences. And so again, your story is valid, really valid. But people have to understand, and I will promise you, I would bet a dollar that when they hear your stories, people are going to agree with you. People are willing to to feel not left by themselves because you're not the only one that this has happened to. Exactly. You know what's going on with me right now.

have seizures. I'm trying to figure out what's going on with me right now. It's a slow process, but guess what? I am grateful that I was able to do it. The crazy thing is, you've been going through this. For the resources for the support is not there. Exactly. And it's, it is why that you say I've been going through this because one thing about me. Yeah, I'm full of. AJ one-liners, but I hate the overuse of certain words, especially if I don't understand how that applies to me. But then, you know, when the church mothers start talking about God never wasting experience and your story will help someone else.

Like, hell, I could have wrote you a story. Why did I have to suffer? You know, but it, and I would say within the last six months, especially I could say certain things that people's eyes will get biggest saucers and wow I didn't know that you mean I couldn't get that kind of help to and. I'm like, how do you not know? But y'all would say that, but then I have to realize I've spent my life with my nose in a textbook. It was my saving grace. So I already know how to go onto Google, look up Department of Social Services, county specific, zip-wise specific.

You know, what are the parameters for these programs? What are their stipulations? And who can I talk to in case you conveniently don't come to work? Because you have a degree. And what I want people to understand and know but be hear me when I say what i want, people, to know is that there was no discrimination against who you were. system because they didn't care if you had a degree or not. Oh yeah. You needed services and did not receive services. It had nothing to do with your degree. it had to, you knew what to in order to receive service for yourself, but for those people that don't know, Imagine all these people out here that don't know about ISIS.

Imagine these that people that even know that sexual violence or sexual abuse. It's OK. People think it is OK, people think that neglect is. OK people, think they're being homeless is, OK? People, that abuse is ok and it's not. And that's the reason why it was broke down the way that it. Is so people can understand these categories. Yeah, it might not have been an impact on people for Marcellus Williams to pass away. But for us that have been through things that had experienced racism for you, for me that has dealt with systemic racism, it bothered me.

I'm sorry. Yeah. Me and you in regards to when you give me updates in regard to the hospital and how you're not getting the services that you want, they'll keep you there for three days and kick you out because they don't have, there's people sitting right now still in the ERs for COVID. Yeah, And guess what, on that same website, where they store COVID is what? ACES. Our mental health space, you guys, there's no money. There's nothing. And so we're trying to get the help and we are not receiving services, which means we have to continue to educate.

Educate and advocate.

Writing, Advocacy, and Social Security Support 36:00

Lately, I don't know if you got that long Dead Sea Scroll email that I sent you, but I just kind of wanted I just kind of wanted you to have an idea of other things that I'm always up to where writing and advocacy are concerned. And as of late, I would say maybe the last six, seven months, people have been contacting me saying, hey, can you put what I am trying to say in writing in a way that maybe a doctor or social security could understand, you know, their verbiage. And I said, Okay, sure. I am talking to doctors, I'm talking about supervisors and, and I just said it's just something I've always done.

You know held positions where I was a resource specialist and case manager and all these things. So it is a no brainer and just find it hard that Today's generation, y'all live all day on the internet and you don't know how to do this? You know, some people have even said, and I'm careful with this word, because I do not like to toot my horn, but I've been told, you know AJ, your a gifted writer and your wordsmith. That I'm writing maybe, but I don't know about nobody's words, Smith. But it really dawned on me when, for example, my best friend, one of her Navy buddies, she's retired.

I like to just say I went to visit, But she was fighting for social security and they were giving her a hard time. And her attorney said, well, you're going to have to come up with a better statement. Let me see what you wrote. And she was just basically saying, you know, I'm in pain, it distracts me from work, the meds aren't working. I was like, uh-uh. Social Security is, and they don't want nobody on the system. They are in business to accuse you of fraud and deny your claim. You have to put into exhaustive detail, basically print out your job description.

And for every ache, every pain every medication and doctor's appointment, You have to weave into that sentence how all of that affects that one duty. It is a long document and it's gonna take you years, but you got a much better chance. So I got her information, typed it up, might've been maybe an hour or so, sent it back to her and I read the email that her attorney sent her. I mean, like, wow, all caps, exclamation point. This is what the judge needs to see. And I'm going, I am different. There you are.

I like to write. It's always been storytelling. But that's your name. And people need to know more about AJ Ryder, because you do a lot. People don't know how much of an advocacy you have not just created, but you've inspired people, too, in regards to writing. So tell our Tell our listeners how they can find you because we really went through a lot and I really want our list to know who you are and where they confine you. Well, I'm only on Instagram now. Twitter is done. Facebook is a thing of the past, but I am at first.

Dibs on change, like the euphemism, first dibs and change. And because sometimes change begins with the letter I on Instagram. My weight loss page, which is pretty laughable at this point, is dibbs on good health. The podcast page whether it comes back, I don't know. It's all God. down for disruption. So you can find me anywhere on Instagram under those three. Her podcast is great, so quit talking negative. You're supposed to be an advocate for change AJ don't get me started. I don't think I'm being negative.

I just, I try to avoid arrogance at all turns. So I tried to remain as humble as possible, sometimes to my own detriment, but it was yet another thing I, tried. my phone. Can you see me? I'm sorry. Just haphazardly all over the place, just doing anything that I could to really get different messages out there. And that's the crux, that is the basis of- You have to tell your story. Yeah. You just have healed and are still healing from an episode that you had. Trust me. I think the thing that I've had to learn is I didn't want to tell my story.

Me telling my stories while we're here. You sharing your story in regards to your epilepsy and your seizures is the reason why I share mine. So you can't take away from that. Your podcast, we've been going back and forth for a while as fellow podcasters sharing our stories. So I'm telling you as a person, I feel like you reach out for me for resources a lot and I appreciate that and share. You have to continue to do your job. Let's be clear, your story is going to help somebody. I'm telling you, I am that person.

You need to go out there and advocate and do what you're doing. Supposed to do, because at the end of the day, I just proved to everybody how you're a cycle breaker, how are you done all the work that you've done, and for you to sit here and say, Oh, if it comes on. Oh if I do that don't do the only reason why I said that, You know, especially now with everybody manifesting this and manifesting that, honey, look, God has a perfect will and a permissive will. You want to screw our lives up and then ask, is he ready to do it my way now?

The podcast set me down. It really, really did. One of these days, I have to tell you how it all came about. I had been trying for about 10 years to really get first dibs to where I wanted it because it's several little branches under there and various avenues, I guess, for revenue, and it never took off. That's why when someone might say, you helped this, or you help that, might pay me a compliment, that's the case why I didn't ever take off,

Podcasting, Burnout, and Closing Reflections 43:00

it's not a global name. But anyway, the podcast that I started, Down for Disruption, July 1st of last year, 2023, in the very first day of Minority Mental Health Awareness Month, You know I thought I was doing okay for a new podcast no podcast experience to have a guest, almost every episode for those what 10 or 11 episodes by week five, a live podcast network. The, the black creators name and network founder and CEO angel live is, she sent me an email and say hey I heart wants to pick this up, and I was like, okay, I'm doing something special and i was getting sicker and sickered Dr Tori and Come August, I had what I can only describe were Charlie horses in the middle of my chest that was radiating to my back.

This was six months after I head a seizure, a mini stroke, and food poisoning for seven days. Do not buy groceries from Walmart. And then by September 1st, you know, trying to do this big to-do for suicide prevention month, And I, you know, ended up being a hospital and sort of kind of been written a little bit. Mm hmm. So by the middle of September, I said, y'all, like, stop. I'm repeating 2018 where I advocated myself into exhaustion. So five years, I just really stopped writing. I stopped, you know, appearances, if you will.

And I was just burnt out and I felt that last year. That's why I said, okay, everything ain't working. This is God telling me to sit down. Okay. But it took for me get you to this point for you share that. And I'm glad that you took the time out for yourself and self-care, congratulations, because this is your first time telling me this. Self- care, it is fine, self care is the best care. So even that tidbit of information is a good, powerful resource for people to understand and know, even if you're on top, sometimes you got to step down off that ladder and humble yourself, and do what you need to do for you.

And I'm glad that you did because here we are a whole year later. That's how long it's been. And you're here. I hope that it does come back because it was good. Um, I did read your letter. It was great. You will be a great person for our community. If I joined this ACES community too, and they work, they are out there, advocating, doing what they need to do. So join us, because that's what it is. We need other people out there that can continue to advocate your story is a great story. Your story, is going to help people like again, on people.

And we just got to continue, to do that because again it's the impact. I'm not the only one and you talked about Dr. Nadine Burke Harris, 10 years ago. was that TED Talk, it was 2014. It's 2024. And if you are on her page, and I encourage you to go on our page she's been posting every day. She even put a post up and said, for all of you all that are advocating and talking about ACEs as you should, I thank you because I see it. So my last post, i'm not going to lie. I put it on there when I seen Dr.

Nadine Birx-Harris reply. Oh my God. I made it. So while yours is is our heart, mine is directly to the person that I need to see the message. i need her to understand she's not alone in her journey to share about ACES.I need you to let others know that we're not in our journey about aces alone. We're in this together. yes and we are not damaged goods not at all if y'all are still writing we're not damage goods there'll be a quiz on monday thank you you're welcome you all know who i am you'll see you see aj trust me you will we'll just trying to get our healths together once we get her health together and get it all together should be out here with us advocating not just for For for advocacy for herself, but for others we need for her to focus on her first.

Yeah, yeah. And I thank you for being here. I'm telling you, you've helped me out tremendously. Another episode, guys. Be victorious. Y'all know how we do. We create safe spaces for you to have those conversations. And it was wonderful. Thank you again, AJ, for been here, to my guests. Another episode of Be Victorious is wrapping up. We thank you guys for listening. You all know it's out there. Tune in next time and we'll talk to you soon. Bye-bye for now you, guys. Thank you.