Be VicTORIEus Ep. 67

Book Announcement and ACEs Introduction 0:00

Hey, you guys, it's me, Dr. Tori. My book is officially out. And yes, It is time to talk about ACEs. You guys can find the books everywhere. However, I would encourage you, guys to go to my website, BeVictorious.com and place your order today. Yes. It's time. To talk. About ACE's. Let's go, y'all. Hello. Hello. Hello, you guys. Welcome to another episode of Be Victorious. You know who I am. It's Dr. Tori. And what I love going into this third year of our podcast is we still have amazing guests. This young lady honestly needs no introduction.

We've been following each other for a while. I really love who she is. and what she's going to bring. I think her story is not unique, but however the fact that she knows her stories, I would love for you guys to listen. Erin, my new friend, where are you? Hi. There you go. Hey Erin. Hello. How are you? I'm good. I am excited to be here, to talk.

Erin's Background and Trauma History 1:35

Yeah, thank you so much. Well, you're here. Now tell us why you are here? Well it all started. No, I was just kidding. You know, I'm a coach. I work with women who have eating disorders, disordered eating and also trauma. And I myself struggled with an eating disorder for 20 years, you know pretty bad in and out of treatment centers. Um, like I could say like, probably almost died. A few times I was that ill and When I peeled back the layers after the 20 years, it all went back to the trauma that I went through.

So I decided I was going to leave my job at Stanford. I had worked there. No, I have a bigger purpose. I want to support others who may be going through this or just, you know, whatever part of their recovery and let them know they're not alone. So that's kind of how I got to where I am at the moment. That's how you became the superhero you are. Call it what it is because let me share for you to have to go through those type of things. Something had to happen. When did this begin? Um, my trauma?

Yeah. So it was my brother and myself. My brother was four and a half years younger. For me, it gets kind of fuzzy with these things. And so my brothers was like three. I'd say seven or eight. It lasted until I was about 11 or 12. Um, but both of us were from my stepmother and my father. And the whole thing was just a hot mess. It really, it was so disturbing. After the fact, when you learn or you start to realize that what happened to you or what happen to me was something no one should ever have to go through.

And it's I mean, for me, it was just the realization of how bad that the trauma was. Right. You know, and how I hit it so well. And that's where my hiding and lying started. But there was a day that you said, I don't want to do this no more. Well, you know what was interesting is I got out of having to see my dad and stepmother through the courts. Now I wouldn't tell the court. I just said, I don't like them. Like, Nope. And so they up, cause I was a little bit older, but my brother had to stay there another year, which, uh, you know, still, there's moments where it's like, dang, You know?

Uh, no, couldn't have saved him. Um, not I do know that logically, But you, it still hurts your heart. Yeah. Uh. But the only reason the trauma ended was because my step-mother divorced my father, right? So we're talking about the ACEs umbrella. Yes. You talked about your trauma, stepmom and dad. And you talked the divorce, which is under the household dysfunction of ACE's. So you've talked a few things. Now, I have a question. Have you taken the ACES quiz? I Have. And what's your score? I think it's a four.

Okay. I keep going. You know what? And see, that's the thing that I love.

Eating Disorder Recovery and Leaving Stanford 5:40

My specialty is bringing awareness to the ACEs score, but really breaking it down so people can know that that ACE score does not define you. So I'm glad that brought that up because I too fluctuate depending on who I talk to in regards to my ACE scores. Yeah, my parents were divorced too. I didn't even really, I think I read it, but I don't think that I checked that box. And it's OK. That's the thing. The whole thing is just bringing awareness to ACEs and what it is. We've all experienced childhood trauma, But it was a word.

There wasn't anything to it. It was just trauma. Trauma. But the scientific word, honestly, is adverse childhood experiences. So the things is, when we get older, we don' know. That's what I went through? Hmm. So you just had one of those moments. Welcome to the club. Let's be clear. This is what do. And there's nothing wrong with having your ACEs score. It's your recovery. Your healing journey. For you to say that you've experienced this for 20 years. Now, this is something that people really don't even like to discuss.

You are a coach. What made you go from the trauma of having, was it the eating disorder? What was that that made want to become a coach? I think when I, I really started to understand why I stayed sick and my disorder for so many years and it was just like a hamster wheel. And I finally started being like, Ooh, maybe it's the trauma that I was all these different things that was acting out and using my. I mean, it makes sense. You making using the eating disorder to control my body. to say, I can do this to my body if I want to.

And it's not logically. It's like looking back, like this is a subconscious thing. Mm hmm. So when I really start dealing with my trauma and you know, think it is an ongoing thing, right? Like I don't think, you now I feel like it always gonna and that's okay. But I knew once I got over that like, that really realization and then just grieving for the person the little girl that I was in a place to be like, you know what, I want to change other people's lives because it's like I always say, if I can recover truly anyone can because I didn't think I wasn't going to recover.

I thought I either going end up dying, unfortunately, or living with it, being chronically sick. Right. So when I like on that path and I'm like oh, Erin, doing it. You're doing your step down, you're during your program. And about after like eight months of it, and I'm like, I mean, a really good spot. I am not getting triggered by other eating disorder. People were I'd used to, for me, all that mattered was I needed to be in a state of recovery or recovered to then have the ability to help others.

Right. So that's when I knew Okay, sorry, I'm leaving Stanford. People kind of thought my family was like, what are you doing? Because I could have, Stanford was amazing. I now work here for 12 years, could've stayed the rest of my life, right? It was a great job, but I literally had that first intuition, gut feeling of, oh, this is what it feels like in my body to know. And that was really amazing moment for me is to I want to make a difference. And so I left Stanford and I started on my journey of like using my own experiences, obviously, like knowing what worked, what didn't work in treatment.

I'd been to enough treatment centers to know that doesn't, this works. this overall is a really good basis for my program and then getting the educational part. Cause I wanted to be able to do it in, you know, a therapeutic type way. Right. So I didn't want it. I've wanted it to have the education. Also I did 12 month program to. Be certified. And then I. Did another eight month. Program for breath work. So do you hear what you're saying? And this is the reason why I started off introducing you as a superhero.

So you basically helped yourself heal. Yes. You had, you had who you, had you the trainings, the support you have, but it was you taking the step by yourself saying, Nope, I think this what I can do. Share my story and help other people. Yeah, it was just the first real time that I actually felt hope and knowing like I finally just said, I am not what happened to me. But what it happened, to mean I wouldn't wish on anyone. What I learned and what I grew from that experience and taking it, because I know so many other people, suffer in silence.

I have a quick question. How is your relationship with your brother? I love him so much.

Understanding ACEs and the Quiz 11:30

We live like a couple hours apart. It's better now, way better. Growing up, it wasn't so great. He was angry. He acted out, you know, his, he used other ways of acting out. I had the therapy for some 20 years. He made his wife finally made him go like, I don't know eight years ago, but he didn't have it. So he had a lot of anger and it got, projected onto me. And I understand why he understands why now, But it was, it, was a really hard relationship. just because of what we both went through. Right.

You all went though ACEs. Y'all have adverse childhood experiences. And I think that awareness is so key because it has such an effect on us. The fact that you had, it's a word, It's an eating disorder, but there are several different eating disorders where you diagnose with an Eating Disorder. Yes. So, and that gets kind of like dicey. And so like, yes, with the DSM book, you know, for insurance purposes, I was diagnosed with I think every single evening, just pretty much every one. It was, it started when I 15 and then they diagnosed me.

Yeah, this was 15 years old, that was put in to the hospital. I diagnosed anorexia. Then, throughout the years, diagnosed bulimia, And then I got diagnosed with, um, and they needed a typical anorexia because insurance starts to not like to cover stuff, but there are such varieties. And I am just want to say so grateful for people that struggle with binge eating disorder because that just got, approved or got put into the, the criteria criteria for to be able to afford and get the insurance to pay for help.

Cause sometimes people just think, Oh, binge eating disorder is someone who just eats too much and they have no willpower. But in reality, they've gone through some stuff and that's their way of coping is, is binging. So I'm very happy that eating sort of kind of professionals and people are seeing that there is there's so many that can now be, um, done criteria wise, but also people who don't necessarily tick off the boxes and make all the for the insurance. That's why I say disorder needing because people with disorder eating, some of them can be just as ill as someone who's quote been diagnosed with anorexia.

You know, it's so it kind of makes it hard, But it is also really good. I feel like it just broadening the scope to show, hey, You don't have to be diagnosed to have had the trauma, to go through. Maybe you have more of the ACE score than someone else. So that's why I say I work with eating disorders and disordered eating. I want to share something with you. I joined this. Um, I gained a lot of weight. Surprise, surprise. Actually gained. A lot. Of weight at three girls. Have a 12 year old. Surprised, surprised.

But a. Lot of wait. And I decided to join this weight loss. clinic. What's interesting is that's how ACEs was discovered by two individuals, Dr. Robert Anda and Andrew Felitti. They were weight loss clinic doctors helping people lose weight and people kept coming back because they kept gaining the weight. And so they went to Kaiser Permanente with their information and that's how they came up with the ACEs study. It's a true fact. He knows that that makes perfect sense, of course, people come back, they come because they are not seeing like the underlying of what the weight, the food.

That was a good one. Oh, that makes so much sense to me. Yeah. I actually started at that time, you know, with the losing weight and doing that thing. It just made me, I lost the weight. So the goal was to lose 20 pounds in six weeks and I loss my 20 lbs in 6 weeks. The whole goal is for me to loose it so I can get my money back. All I did, but it was something more about the camaraderie, the fellowship, you can do it, keep going, that made me want to invest and go back. And so I went back, I didn't really need to lose the weight, But I also learned how to do calorie counting.

I learned to keep the way off, where I know for a fact, working with some of the ladies, who, you know, shared her bulimia with me. And that was one of the things that she was talking about, like she needed that community, she need that fellowship, She needed somebody that kind of could relate because she felt like She was by herself. So I have to commend you for making that decision because you're not alone in your journey.

Weight Loss, Food, and Coping Patterns 17:25

And you know that there are people out there like you, and you are able to come here and share your story. So again, I thank you taking the steps. I'm sure Stanford was taking care of you. But you have understand me just telling you right now. Surprise, surprise. Yeah, actually I was about 230 pounds. I was. And to this day, what helps me heal and continue to stay, because it's easier to go to eat or binge or do something like that, especially when you don't understand that depression and anxiety can take a toll on you.

So you're a hero. I'm just going to keep regenerating the fact that you are. Thank you, I am so glad you brought that up about the food and for women that I've worked with binge eating, sometimes it's just helping them be like, hey, here's like a meal plan type thing, or hey it is okay for you to try to get on some sort of app that can help you regulate so you don't feel out of control. And if you do, you come back and then we have like sessions or like when I, I have a thing where you can boxer me throughout the week, because it is so important in those moments.

Because if those are when you're going to binge or you are going do a behavior, it's because there's pain. There is something underneath that needs healing. And I don't want to say everyone who has an eating disorder, has been through major trauma. But I believe to what I see to be true, and what i've been at all the treatment centers with other women and people I work with 8590% 90% have it trauma and at least I would assume like three, like a three on the the ace thing at leaves, which tells me they're using food, I was using my body control.

All of that, as my addiction, where someone else may use drugs, alcohol, or, you know, all the other kind of quote, addictions, are things that people go to, because of the what all these terms that you note the whole ace test, which I can't say enough about. I love it. Mm hmm. seen it yours has an extra one extra question. Yes, then one that I had read. Read Oprah's book. That book with Dr. Bruce Perry. Like, yes. What happened to what like what happened? to you? Not I'm telling goosebumps. I really, that is probably been the best book on trauma that I've read in a while.

Like it's so amazing. And they had 10 questions. We'll see what they did. What I did was enhance those 10 question. Okay. So my book, it's time to talk about ACEs, pretty much gives an update. When I was doing my dissertation, there were things like community violence and bullying and shootings that I, was like, listen, this needs to be added to it. And they added it in 2023. So the quiz that you took is actually research. I have been using it as research, I use it for publications, I'm really a researcher and I do research because I want people to know about ACEs.

I wanna people know that it's okay to have it. It's, it' okay, to heal and it is okay. To understand your ACE number and use that through your recovering journey. So again, that's the reason why you're a superhero because just like how you use it, It has abuse, it has neglect, household dysfunction, and other adversities. What's interesting is the abuse that people talk about is usually the physical, emotional, or sexual. But what about eating? which that's the reason why the ACEs study was actually incepted from the beginning from a weight loss clinic.

And so perfect. You know what I mean? Because everybody thinks that abuse has to just be physical, but what about abusing your body by eating or not eating? That's the reason why people have to understand. Bring it up. ACES and ACEs awareness is important so people can understand you're not alone. It happens. You can get through this. you have coaches like you that can help you by sharing your story. Again, that's why Erin is here, you guys. She's a superhero. So tell us about your coaching program.

Tell us how, what happens? Do people reach out to you? How do you get people? So what's also interesting is on Instagram I've, I mean, and I noticed like, sometimes when you have, if you know you're someone working in a field that can be kind of sensitive, like eating disorders and it says like trauma and things. people may follow you, people make, but they don't necessarily comment or like. And so what I found to be really interesting is most of my, I had one, maybe two clients that would like my post or make a comment, you know, and I'd be like, Oh, okay.

Most of them would DM me. And say, I saw this and I started to realize it's because it is a touchy, you know, some people aren't in the place to like say hey I need help.

Coaching, Outreach, and Social Media 23:35

And so what happens is I usually get the DMs. Where did you find, oh, well, I follow you. I watch, see your posts. And so I'm like, okay. So I've learned that that's kind of how it works. But it's that, or, you know, people are like I do a lot of talking, and I love talking. When someone asks me to be on a podcast,I get really excited.I feel grateful. I've done so many podcasts talking the variety of trauma, eating disorders, or book chapters, articles. That's how I feel I can share more, my reach can be bigger.

And then I have people, oh, I read whatever article or I heard you on whatever podcast. So that's kind of how, Like such a variety of like, of where it comes from. I think you are amazing. Now let me share. You made a post that I, I love. Any posts that have statistics. Okay. Eating disorders are mental health disorders. and people have to understand that. They have understand it's just like anything else. Eating disorders are more than just about food. There are complex mental health disorders that affect nearly 30 million.

And we're not the only ones, we are not having enough discussion because we normalize it. That is part of it is, you know, exercising, eating, quote, clean, things like that is an acceptable being healthy is you no except more acceptable that it than other things and it becomes this almost like, you know, okay, oh, yeah, of course, and people talk, Oh, I look like I've, people tell I can hear I'm like Oh my gosh, or I have gained like five pounds. And then the other person's like oh yeah I gained five times to where it's Like, that's really it is unhealthy.

You know and these little things and ticks it, it perpetuates these, these Feelings of inadequacy of like people aren't good enough because of what they look like and what their weight is. But yes, there's so many people that and also, it's like one in three people will not get help. And now, if that's because they can't afford it, There are treatment centers. in every place like I live in California I had to go to Oklahoma right for a residential treatment center so it's the availability of doctors and things like that so that is why so many people don't or aren't able to get treatment and that's why I am I try to do like a free group you know every month I tried to be like hey if you if someone needs help I'm more than happy to help them because I feel like I'm on the bridge when there is no other things for them sometimes because it's just, it sad that other pretty big statistic is like one person every 60 minutes will die from an eating disorder related complication or, you know, what's, uh, something it's like, that's a real one in 60 minutes.

Like that. Terrifying. People don't really realize, Oh, eating just, and so I just I'm glad that it is changing. And people are talking about it more in schools. Teachers are becoming more aware of what to look out for. Um, but it still like Still a long way to go, but that's okay. It is, But guess what? You are not alone. I'm going to help because guess me and you together, educating people on ACEs and telling people about the importance of eating disorders, I think it's a powerful thing. And I say that because these are the things again that we normalize and we should not be normalizing these things.

What people don't understand is experiences are the best teaching.

Eating Disorder Awareness and Closing Remarks 28:35

coping, everything. I think the only difference between me, like I'm glad that I shared. Like that was one of the things that, I've had to experience, you know what I mean? Like while some people would think, oh no, well, how do you keep it down? Or people don't see that. You know, what do I, mean, 225 pounds. They don' see, that they don,t know. But they also don',t what happened for me. to have to go through those type of things. So that's the reason why people need to know who you are. And before I continue, let them know how to find you.

Because again, this is the reasons why I have the podcast. This is why it's been an educational tool. You're the first person that I've really talked about in regards to specifically having the eating disorders, but I think it's awareness that people definitely need to listen to. So Erin, how can people find you? They can find me on Instagram. I hang out there a lot. It's Erin Ryland and then underscore love. And you can go there or my in body love coaching. is my website, you know, or just put my name in Google and I'll pop up with some wisdom.

But yeah, I'm always, You know I would say send me a message if you don't feel comfortable. Um, throughout she threw y'all she gave, she let you all know she's approachable. She's relatable. she is ready to talk to people because again, She doesn't want people to be alone in their journey. I don't wanna people be along in a journey to understand ACES. Erin don' want you to alone your journey when you're there going through the situations you are going though. Think about it to have that 20 years.

Yeah. Right on the resume. You know, it's okay. It took me a while, but now I'm on a mission. And I would love for you to join our community because I am telling you, you can help and inspire a lot of people. Seriously. So I appreciate you, I really do. I look forward to continued conversations because this is something we really need to talk about. What's interesting is it's Mental Health Awareness Month. And so these are the conversations that we need to have, we don't need a month. We need these conversations every day to bring awareness because somebody's going to listen and somebody is going be like, you know what you're right.

Don't wait for March, don' wait April, Don' Wait for May. Do what You need To do to help yourself today. That's the reason why Erin just gave her information. You all know where to find me. I'm everywhere, everywhere. This is an educational podcast that we use to help. And when I tell you, it has been some wonderful guests and you are one of them. I thank you so much for taking time out of your schedule. And again, if you would love, I would to continue to keep in contact because I'm telling you, somebody's going to say, Oh my God, this is powerful.

How can I find her? So I shared your information and I want the listeners to know, there you go. There's another wonderful episode of be victorious. Erin, tell our listeners again where they can find you. You can just find me easiest. It would be Instagram, Erin, Ryland love, or in body love coaching. And y'all know I've been heavy on coaching, heavy, on coach. Let's add Erin to that list of coach, check her off, because if there's any questions or concerns, I'll make sure I will definitely reach out to her and you can too.

I thank you guys for another episode of Be Victorious. We'll talk to you, guys, soon. Bye-bye, you guy.