Be VicTORIEus Ep. 80

Book Launch and ACEs Introduction 0:00

Hey, you guys, it's me, Dr. Tori. My book is officially out. And yes, It is time to talk about ACEs. You guys can find the books everywhere. However, I would encourage you, guys to go to my website, bevictorious.com and place your order today. Yes. It's time. To talk. About ACE's. Let's go, y'all. Hello. Hello, hello, you guys. Welcome to another episode of Be Victorious. This Cyclebreaker series, I'm telling you, is bringing some powerhouses. And if you're looking to get in the Survive to Thrive Oasis, this is who you need to talk to in order to Get There.

I think what I love about Erica is she is all that and then some. And to be a part of her community is humbling for me. I was introduced to her Community and I have been a bestie ever since. We meet every week to catch up with each other to see how each. Other are doing just her energy radiates a room. She's I've learned so much from her just by understanding myself and the things that she offer. we've paired up and we got some things ready for you guys. Erica miss survive to thrive. Where are you?

There she goes. It's like, there she go. What? Hey, Erica. Happy day. This is what I have been wanting for a very, very long time. You already know how I feel about you. And you know that, but to have somebody that understands that animated chaos that I've been through and don't look at me differently is needed.

Welcoming Erica and Defining Cycle Breaking 1:57

Because you, since we've met, been that. But don' forget, this is who you are. And I appreciate that that's how cycle breakers heal. That's our cycle-breakers help each other. So I thank you for being here for our Cycle Breaker episode. Introduce yourself, tell people who you are. I know who your are, Tell the world who are you. Yes, I'm Erica Kesey.I am the son of the Thriveverse powered by love, wisdom and celebration. i'm a multifaceted leader in mommy, a therapist and CEO of Your Gold Concierge, where we offer a plethora of options for leaders who may be experiencing imposter syndrome or burnout.

So if you're looking for your right fit solutions as a leader, go check out our website www.yourgoalconcierge.com. Everything's there on the homepage. Any other questions or concerns? Because let's be clear, the intonation, tone, accuracy, all of that and then some, I told y'all, but I want them to understand and know that it's the community that makes us strong. The way that you announce yourself in a room is needed. And we need to these things as Psycho Breakers because that's what's going to help us do what?

Heal. So thank you. So speaking of cycle breaking, it's what you do. What's your definition of a cycle breaker? A cycle-breaker is someone who knows where they've been and so they understand what has happened and they transmute that into thriving, into a life that they have curated for themselves. that is beyond what they've ever been exposed to. It is a calling from that part of yourself. When you had those conflicts when you were younger, but you didn't have the words to say anything or the power to do anything.

But now you do. As a cycle breaker, you have to power change the belonging that you used to have, the conditioning that was there before. And this is what you do. So y'all heard her. Y' all heard all those acronyms. She's a therapist. And I think you're laughing, but this the thing, people run away from therapy. Why? I'm asking them to face themselves. I asking to, look at all the people who have hurt them, neglected them and led them astray and asking them to find their own way and for me to hold space for them so that they can answer their questions.

Most people are confused and questioning and so the answers come from them. And that's hard. That's to learn and talk about your inner life. When everybody always told you to focus outward and help people and do things for others, for you, they think it's selfish to. Focus inward. It's really scary. I always say it kind of like facing yourself is kind like you're on a desert island and there's a jungle and you have to go into the jungle. And you just don't know. that that jungle is everything about it is for you.

It will acquiesce to you, it will feed you it would nourish you but you have to take a step into it and recognize that it's there for your thriving. Y'all ready to thrive already? Because I know I am. You have to understand, you guys, it's the experiences that shape us, that help us. She knows what to do because of her experiences. she knows how to help people because their experiences, so you know about ACEs. Oh, yeah.

Therapy, Trauma, and Personalized Healing 6:39

So I'm specialized in plant expressive arts therapy and a part of the continuing education was to learn about ACEs, because I worked with children who've had sexual assault. And also I work with people, adults and their inner child, cause that's the main work that I do on a regular basis is soothing that inner-child and letting them know as an adult now that you can parent this child. It's not anybody's responsibility, but you right now, They've been through things and they don't recognize that that was all trauma.

Every single thing that happened to you, divorce, they didn't realize that is a trauma, an alcoholic parent, yelling, all of these things that people don t even recognize and think that they are traumas. And you had an adverse childhood experience. It's triggering. So much. Triggering. People don't know how triggered they are at all. They thought that that's the way it's supposed to go. Nobody else told them it was supposed be different. they only know yelling, they know popping off and getting angry and fighting.

But it is important for them to recognize that poor child was neglected, abused, and experience so much trauma. It's like we experience a lot of that as children, even bullying. So much is happening to children. Especially between five and 12, so is going on and you make decisions about life and set up truths and beliefs and then you keep playing that out, that pattern. and keep letting it happen over and over again, then you start abusing yourself because you're playing the same thing over. And over, again.

So the way you break the cycle is say, no, I'm not doing this anymore. Hmm. What my mama said was not right. Hmm, what my daddy said? What's not, right? I could feel it. Now I know it and I have to do something about it, I'm not gonna let another generation experience this. I want to allow them freedom to explore themselves, to understand their emotional intelligence. to make decisions and to be respected and honored. Because a lot of us, that's what we're looking for, but we never got it. And we looking permission all the time when we have to give ourselves permission.

I told y'all. Now let's be clear. We're going to pause right there. Because people have to understand there are people out there that can help you. That's why I started off talking about thriving, surviving to thrive. because what you all don't understand is, of course, Erica knows what's going on. She's a therapist. But that's the reason why we bring people like this on here, to know she got an ACEs score, she not perfect. There's nothing wrong with having ACE's, y'all. It's what do with that awareness and understanding, which is key.

That's why she really knows about it. First, it's professional and personal. and to be the powerhouse that you are to hear these stories every day. God bless you so much because it's a different story every time. Now, is that your, but is your specialty just sexual abuse? Oh, no, No, I, do all abuse, all trauma. So I do trauma therapy. Um, and, but the core of what I do is person centered, which allows people to have unconditional positive regard, accurate empathy, a therapeutic alliance, Which is in a relationship and also authenticity.

So that's the Core of What I Do. Once we establish a Relationship, then they feel comfortable, um, deciding to do other different types of therapy. I like to do whatever is the best way for different people. So if you're a person that writes, we do narrative therapy. If you have part to yourself, like if I hear somebody says a part of me did this or wants this, then we parts work, which is internal family systems. I'd like say abreast of all the different types of therapies, educate them, a lot of psychoeducation.

around what their experience is going back. Most people are confused. So they just kind of want someone to explain when no one's ever explained anything. And a lot of people aren't going to AI chat GPT and trying to get answers. But sometimes that information is not the correct information because it's not taking the whole person and synthesizing everything that's being shared. So I really focus in on that person, and I give them an experience that is specific for them. And I tell them that they have to do the same.

You need to curate a life that it's the best life for you. Instead of doing the programming that you used to have or how your family members have treated you or the conditioning, this cycle, break the cycle and then decide to move from that into your curating a life. And then they have to go through the grief process because you're disengaging from all those people and that conditioning. So we have walk through grief and what that looks like in order to actually decide the stand firm in the new version of themselves.

And this is the reason why I wanted you guys, I was brought into the best circle and to get the wealth of knowledge. I don't think it has anything to do with titles that has to deal with who's in the room and the people in have enriched just by having conversations, just having check-ins, by have discussions. We actually have our own community where we're entrepreneurs and we are educators and just women, having a conversation. Because everybody is going through, you guys, but we cycle breakers.

And everybody's healing strategy is different. So what you're saying is you just don't give a one-stop-healing strategy. You cater your needs or their needs to who they are. God bless you. Because so many people run from therapy. I think you answered a lot of questions to be totally honest so people won't run away from it. So what are some more healing strategies, habits or support systems that have helped you? So for me, due to going back to having experiences, I lost a child to ectopic pregnancy, which caused me to lose my will to live.

And as a therapist, I knew that usually with my suicidal clients or clients who've lost their will to live, you give them a safety plan. It is a reactionary tool to help them to stay in this world or to find their purpose, find options outside of just surrendering to not thriving. So I thought when I was in the middle of that, I should, why do we not have a preventative tool? So I created the Thrive Plan from that, which is my rainbow baby. If anybody has lost a child, they understand that the baby that you create after is your rainbow, baby, and so I just love the thrive plan that I've created.

It is a self-awareness reflection and operating system which helps you to identify that when you're in a conflict, you have sensations that show up in your body, which are triggers, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. So if you recognize you're triggered, you won't automatically go to your trauma reaction. Instead, you'll say, oh, I'm triggered. Let me go soothe myself. So it's so amazing that we know with our pets, if our pet is whining, we'll figure out what's going on. Does it need to go outside?

What is going? Does need attention? But if it is a child, a baby cries, figure out what to do. Does it need a diaper change? Is it hungry? Right? But we don't do the same thing for ourselves because we've learned to sit in despair. Instead, the operating system is when you feel a sensation of a trigger, go straight into coping. straight into loving yourself. That means whatever your cocktail of things that you need to do. Maybe it's going for a walk, talking to a safe friend, maybe it is listening to music.

The Thrive Plan and Practical Coping Tools 16:48

The number one thing that people mark on a Thrive Plan is music, so whatever it takes, do that so you can go from reacting to responding, from surviving to thriving. And so I'm going to put a pin on this because I introduced you, but what people don't understand and know, we actually have combined. I had to you guys, because, I think there's power in knowing that people have a purpose and have plan and there are things that are already put in place. So we, actually, Have a plan and people don't know this yet.

So this actually is how God is working in our favor because we have a chaos to clarity cohort. And people who's behind it on your respective page, they know that you're behind, but they don' know Dr. Tori on Eternity's page. They know who she is, And we have combined you guys, surprise, this happened in perfect timing because we had this chaos to clarity cohort that we've started as a class and we started it just for this. I had to have Erica because she is the therapist, I'm the educator. Imma let her have her job.

But you all have to understand Psycho Breakers have united. And we got something for you guys because we don't want you to experience what we experienced. We don' want to know, hey, we went through it for y'all already. Let's be clear, I'm glad you brought up your rainbow. I am glad your sharing because you all have to understand us putting stuff together isn't us just putting things together. Were collaborating, were conversing, where doing what cycle breakers need to do to help others heal. And I wasn't going to bring it up until later, but I had to because it was a perfect time to do that because people always want to know why things have been created.

Well, we've created this through our experiences in order to help other people heal. So here is a strategy, another healing strategy for people. I've talked to people from your Thrive Oasis. I need it. People need, it is needed out here. So to have you here, oh yeah. Because that's what the purpose of the podcast is for. Not just to introduce yourself, but as a psycho breaker, introduce you to tools and mechanisms that can help you heal. She a therapist. And let's be clear, she's a black woman. With an ACE score.

Who just shared her story. But y'all gotta understand, we gotta unite. Community is everything. We gotta have these conversations. So let's start with having your rainbow child in your legacy. What other legacies are you hoping to leave as a cycle breaker? I have a daughter who is 14 and She's an entrepreneur, she's a speaker. She has experienced sexual abuse, which is the reason why I, while I was, it was while was getting my degree in clinical mental health counseling, and I decided to go the track of being specialized in plant expressive arts therapy because of what happened to her at three years old with her childcare providers.

I didn't know that, Um, she had him living there, her son who just got out of jail and then he, um, touched her inappropriately. She told me at three that this happened and I knew that it was the truth because a three year old is not going to say a lie. It was just basic. Like what happened to you, baby? And she said, he touched me inappropriatenly. And she didn't say that. She said, but I don't want to say it here in this space. So I was cool, calm, and collect. I called the authorities, I got our exams, got a forensic interview.

And this whole process helped me to go through the process of knowing how to work with people and be that rock of groundedness in order for her to get to her healing which she did therapy, and I learned all the things in real time as an experience so that I can then also offer that to other people. And my daughter now speaks out. She calls herself a level-headed adventurer, bold with my actions and emotions, And she speaks about communication. and having the communication that a lot of kids are not saying what's happening to them because their parents are no centered enough and grounded enough to accept what happened to him.

So they don't share it. And so there's adult women out here who've never shared their story, but they hear my daughter share hers at 14 and they say, I think it's time for me to share mine. It happens to me too. You are a super hero. That's what girl I got this here in my eye. Swear to God, you didn't tell me this, but that's the reason why we have a safe space for people to share. She's a superhero. You left that mark for her though. you did that, because she saw you. she felt comfortable in sharing this with you, You have family members.

Let's be clear when this happens, And we know it because we grew up in a generation where we had to close mouths, you know, under the rug, baby. Nobody, uncle doing it to everybody. Yeah. It's never talked about. Never. Everybody didn't got hurt. And nobody's done anything about that person. We have to break the cycle of this kind of thing going on in these families. You did it. You're a superhero. She's a superstar. So when I said, let's talk about legacy, that's exactly what you're doing because she knows now you broke the cycle.

You continue to break the psycho and you are addressing generational Trauma and I tell everybody when it comes to the book. I didn't go into wait to chapter 7 Let's talk about the introduction to book and let's get down to business Let us break these generational cycles and

Legacy, Daughter's Story, and Breaking Generational Trauma 23:58

you did it you get it as an individual and did as a mother superstar Superhero therapist. And add all that to it, you all. Add all of it. All of. Yep, this is her. This is Erica. So again, This Is Not a promo for the Chaos of Clarity, but just know we're dead serious. I didn't just connect people. Right. Did what I needed to do so you guys can understand what we are doing out here is real. We're here to change lives, You guys. That's what Cycles Breakers have to Do. share our stories, let people know we went through the pain too, but we're not just living in it.

I commend you for even sharing that. It is, you know, what needed to occur. it was the response, the appropriate response that was done. So now she's been exposed to therapy. And so now, she knows that that is a resource what she can go to. But I want to empower her to move beyond it, right? And to break that cycle. So she speaks out. And let me tell you, we went through a lot with her, with the family about these things. I had to regulate and let them know that This is how we talk about these things.

This the boundaries. And I've just put the safety around her. She deserves that. I think every child deserves it, but every inner child deserve it too. If you're someone out there who has a story that's buried and hidden, whatever is in the dark cannot be healed. Go get your ACEs score. Come to terms with what has happened to you. Know who you are, know what happened you, like, I know who I was. Then you can love who are. And then you move beyond that into becoming the version of yourself that is not bogged down by what happen to.

Some people just stay there. but you can move beyond that. You can break that and create generations and a life that is on your terms and that it is absolutely fun and exciting and celebrating and thriving. And I just want y'all to know, she's been in the community. I have not unleashed Hurry it. Because when I tell you, we got plans, y'all. We have plans. because this is just a podcast episode. This is the introduction of who you are. They don't know what you're bringing to our table yet. It's just an introduction.

they don' know that you've been stuck with me since we've met. She's been trying to push me away, you guys. We have a commonality and she's like, I don''t want to share her. But she stuck. with Leah. And this is why, y'all, listen to her poor, when I tell you her clients, I've met her client, and they speak so highly of her and I see why. We have been trying to get this up and going and it took for a podcast episode. Listen. Because these are the conversations we should be having These are the conversations you guys, this is the reason why therapy needs to be discussed, addressed.

This is why there's a study. I did this with another therapist. That's the next step for me. Always going to recommend some alternative. Recommend some type of healing strategy once people understand ACEs and their ACE score. Of course, everybody's going run from therapy. but they don't need to run from therapy when they have people like that. They need understand that some of those therapists also have an ACEs score, also has been through something. All of them have a ACE score. have an ACES score.

I was just telling a close personal friend of mine, because I identify with ACEs and I always talk about it. And he was saying, well, you know, for, I see now, the people are ACes. So you trying to separate yourself? Like you ain't got it? When we actually all have it, but that's the thing. It's an awareness tool. This is what you have. However, let's identify the rest of the steps to help you heal. Yes. Very good. So where can people find you? Because let us be clear, you've said it. My last question was, if you could say one thing to someone who was beginning their healing journey, what would it be?

Oh, the one that I would say is be with yourself. Take 15 minutes. Just start off with 15 Minutes. That's the first thing that I say to every client, every person. It's not even about them. So I wrote a book called Honey, You Need Counseling Skills. because I know some people are not gonna go to therapy. It is a guided journal that you can actually walk through and do it that way. I have also a podcast with my daughter called Incubate to Thrive, which is on YouTube. And we walked through the counseling skills, with one of them is holding space, holding for yourself 15 minutes, Once you do that and get accustomed to actually giving yourself 15 minutes, you're gonna want more time with yourself because you are vast and deep and beautiful and you haven't spent time to know who you.

But you deserve that. I have this framework that I do, that i've been doing. It's called the GLAD framework. And it just helped me so much because once I start off, especially with the gratitude, it makes it, makes me give the Gratitude for the things that I need to. And so I had to go ahead and throw that in there. because it was perfect to throw it in there at that time this isn't this is us you guys talking in a safe space having a conversation and we're giving

Resources, Community, and Closing Remarks 31:28

you our tips are ready to help you heal but let me share that glad framework is also included in that chaos to clarity that we actually have out there. We decided to postpone it, and I think now the Lord is saying, now I get it Lord, why you did it. Because maybe this introduction needed to happen, because we're psycho breakers, we are out here in our community, were helping each other. We're helping our respective communities and that's exactly what we're doing. We are still healing. It's we are not perfect, you guys.

And this is what I tell people because they see doctor and it's like, no, that is why I embrace my aces. That's why share my story. I have spaces just like you. Yep. She was an author because I knew it was going to come out naturally. She's all that in a bag of chips. I told you she was a superhero. She is really out here doing this work. And I know after this episode, they definitely are going to want to know more. So tell people where they can find you, Ms. Erica. Let me also put that she's in the Be Victorious community.

This episode so I can go ahead and leash her up on y'all. Just be clear. Where can they find Well, they can find me by going to my website. Everything's there on the homepage for you to take a gander. at all of the right fit solutions. There's so much there for you. Just look around. It's www.yourgoalconcierge.com. Concierges, C-O-N-C-I-E-R-G- E. And go there and just check out some of things there. The Thrive Plan is there, Thrived Strategists, which are people who provide on demand. Yes. I'm working on it.

is yes, is working on the certification that's there as well for you to become a Thrive Strategist. Basically, taking the Thrive plan and giving people on demand, you know, a lot of therapy people don't want to do the one hour once a week sessions. What happens when you have things occur in the moment and you need someone to regulate you? then that's what a thrash strategist would do. So all those things are there on the homepage. Just go there, take a gander www.yourgoalconcierge.com. And I will say, join Erica on LinkedIn.

She has amazing things that she does. It actually has driven me back a lot more. East Coast hits me up at eight o'clock in the morning because I'm central standard time. But I am going to continue to jump in when I can, because the tools that you give, that is what I believe is needed that early in morning to help you and continue starting your day. Oh, thank you. You noticed that. I didn't know. OK, yeah. Well, I got some early morning things going on. It's a happy day, happy-day call. And I do that, Because people are lonely.

Think about it, we all got 50,000 things going on, but I know that that's a consistency for you. And so it's easy to jump on because I, know if I need that go to I'm going to go ahead and jump down on link. I don't want to be on LinkedIn today, I know Erica's gonna be on there and I knows she's going to have something positive to say, and she is going give you the tools that you need in order to continue your day. So yes, you guys, if y'all haven't paid attention, it's people on different platforms.

You choose the one that's best for you, but Erica is on a couple of them, let's be clear, because her voice is a voice that definitely has to be heard. And I thank you. I actually, what I love again, because I was telling my producer, I wasn't like, yeah, she's a powerhouse for real, but we haven't, we've connected, But we need to do a lot more. Oh, this is the introduction. You guys, We are already working together. But when I tell you she is a force, you guys will see more of Erica. I can't wait.

This was the Introduction. And here it is. The cycle breaker extraordinaire. She is here. and I thank you so much. Thank you. So grateful for you as well. I think that what we're working on with the cohort is perfection. I can feel and know that it is going to truly be revolutionary and transformational. to so many people with this collaboration. I just know it's gonna blow up and I can't wait for that. And I wait to get to know your audience as well. Just thank you so much, Dr. Torrey, I'm so grateful for you today.

Thank you so much. I just, like I said, I, just wanted the podcast itself. It's an, a community and you've seen that and, you know, and I've been quiet. We've, been quite, there's been some things going on, but now y'all know I cannot wait. She's, uh, have, And I got to shout them out. Mr. Manifest Detroit been doing his thing and can't stop him at all. Uh, okay. Which I don't understand is as soon as I give Erica this goal. And I have to thank her because again, for those who don' know community is everything and community it's key.

When eternity handed you to me on a silver plaque. I had to go ahead and accept it. So I thank you again for just not being a part of my community, but believing in me, supporting me since day uno. That's what Psycho Breakers do. And I think you so much for being here. This introduction just to yourself and the community I thing was that missing piece that we needed. So people can know, and people already know let's be clear. They know me and they know I'm serious when I put myself out there on what I am doing.

But you are that part three. You are the one, they no eternity, but they didn't know Erica and now they do. And now that they do and school has started, y'all, another year, school is in session and Erica is coming with me. So join us, you guys, wrapping up another episode of Be Victorious. Y' all know where to find me, Erica told you where I find her, and I'm going to tell you all now, which I didn't know, that she's always been there. She's been always there for me since we met since day one. And so when y'all don't see me, yall gonna see with her.

Any questions or concerns? Love y all so much. Another episode of Be Victorious. Talk to you guys soon. Bye bye.