Be VicTORIEus Ep. 81

Book Announcement and ACEs Trigger Warning 0:00

Hey, you guys, it's me, Dr. Tori. My book is officially out. And yes, It is time to talk about ACEs. You guys can find the books everywhere. However, I would encourage you, guys to go to my website, bevictorious.com and place your order today. Yes. It's time. To talk. About ACE's. Let's go. Y'all. Hey you. Guys, this is Dr Torie. This episode does contain a trigger warning. So we just wanted you to be aware. Thank you Hello. Hello. Hello, you guys. Welcome to another episode of Be Victorious.

Introducing Dr. Lydia and Her ACEs Work 0:52

You know who I am. I'm Dr. Victorious, the person that creates victory while affecting change and others. And it is my pleasure. What I mean, my, pleasure, oh my God. There are ACES educators, you guys, out there, and this one was delivered to me on a silver platter. I have always said that ACEs is an international issue. It's a worldwide, global discussion that we have to have. And when I tell you I met this author, She is good. She's all on Amazon. Yep, you all know me, I'm a researcher. I checked her out.

she has books, she have discussions, She has trainings and she is sitting right there in the United Kingdom with my boy Nick. Dr. Lydia, tell us more because I am so excited to meet another ACES educator. Good morning for us, good evening for you. Nice, thank you for having me. Thank you, now tell us what time it is over there. It's five minutes past 12 midnight. So it's actually Friday. It's Friday. Early hours of Friday morning. And we still got a couple more hours left here in the United States.

It is indeed my pleasure to have you. What I like is your introduction. You introduce yourself like, hello, you handled your business. you basically put yourself out there and said, hey, I'm glad to know that you have a community. I want to be a part of it. And that to me was empowering within itself because again, once upon a time, I thought I was by myself. And here it is, episodes later, a community later a book later. I mean, you have books. You've been doing this for a very, very long time.

So to have you on this podcast, this is my pleasure. Tell us more about you. OK, so I grew up here in the UK. I was put into foster care, not the government one, but I mean, most families put their children in care so that they can actually work. So I wasn't careful for years and my parents came and took me back without notice. And so I was more or less torn away from those that I loved. I didn't even know that they were white. Actually thought that. They were, I don't know what colour they was at four year old.

Didn't really know, but I've been looked after. Now living with my parents who I did know were my biological parents was really tough going because the very first few days were really tough they told

Childhood Abuse and Foster Care History 3:41

me well you're not going back to your foster parents you are staying here with us in London. I remember having a dream that night where I saw my foster mum arm stretched out and I was running to her and the dream started to fade I still remember that dream even today and that was it I never saw her for many many years later and it was before I being taken to Nigeria but staying with my mother especially she was very very abusing um she she if I woke up late I'm going to be beaten with wire and if i'm gonna be beating me wire basically i'll take off all my clothes to beat him with water and that went on for many years the social services got involved but unfortunately um, she lied to them and um you know as at that time in the UK you had the Social Services with you and your mother so they asked me the question and I had to because I saw my mother's look I have to tell the story that, you know, nothing happened.

And after they left, I was then beaten again that if I ever told anybody. So I never told anyone. I didn't really know that next door neighbour, that was the treatment. That was normal treatment in life. It was abuse. you know, I had my, there was a time I lied. Obviously I was being taught to lie by my parents. But then when I now lie to cover myself, i was getting punished for it. So on one instance, l lied about taking the new school blouse to school. And my mother used the cable wire to beat me, to get me to tell the truth.

When eventually I did, she pushed me into the floor and my two front teeth broke. I then had to lie again to the dentist. She didn't take me to a dentist, my dad did, and I had to then cover for her that I fell over at school. I still have the caps in till this time, although it's been changed a couple of times. So I was going through all of this and I didn't really have anyone to talk to. I don't have any one to discuss it with. Uncles and aunties would come and when my mom's punishing me, they would say, you know, just they were pleading my mum and then she let me off.

You know. But I mean, it wasn't that there was any reporting to any higher authority. That was just how we were living. The one that was really bad for me which I because unfortunately the impact of all those things still I still live with some of those. The one that was really was that she can't remember what I did I mean that's the sad part of it I can remember I know it's either I lied or I Did something wrong on this occasion she hit me on the head with mop stick and we're talking about the early 70s so the mop sticks were metallic metallic wood wood they're not soft like these days and my head started to, I started, to hear a sizzling sound and it was pumping up with blood and I just held my hand and she said I must stop that noise.

I didn't know how to stop the noise but I then held her head then she took me, put me under the hot water in the bathroom to get the blood to start and then started treating me with mental spirit. Unfortunately, I had to live with that. Every day she was treating it with mentalated spirit. On another occasion, I didn't eat my food in time and she uses cable wire. That is the wire we use to plug. She bundles it up and then she hits me with it. In the process, because she hit me so much, the metal inside then begins to know, ooze out of the wire, you know the soft plastic and so that then digs into my skin.

So that's why when I'm telling people, I am explaining my story, i have over 60 injuries that are still physically, that can be physically seen even though i had those injuries from when i was about five years old till i And so those injuries are still very physical today. Now, what then happened was in the family, I'm the first born. I have a junior sister. Well, we have family of four, and so I had two immediate junior sisters and then a brother and a sister, now the last two don't even know anything about the views at all.

And the reason why is that when they're younger, But it was my sister and myself that were being abused more by my mum. And one of the things I didn't realise until I started my cancelling course was bed wetting is one the hidden symptoms. We were wet in our beds. I wet my bed into teenagers and we were beaten for weting our bed. My sister, I felt more for her because she was wet her bed and it's like we're trying to put on an alarm or get ourselves to wake up. If we don't, we are going to get beaten.

Now, this transcended even into when we were taken to Nigeria. Now fortunately, my sister had a fire accident. She was eight. My father was three and a half. They were left home alone, I was still to go to school and so there was a fire accident and my sister had burns, 60% burns but thank God she survived that. My parents, it was the case of neglect but my parents got a good lawyer so obviously they were able to get free while we were put in a care home until the court case. Now after the Court case, Well, during the court case, or before it, I was asked to be the social services social worker said, you know, write down everything, that has happened to you.

Because it never happened. This was the first time I can actually tell somebody what has been happening to me. I don't know how my parents got the address of where we were in the care home. And they came and said I think the lawyers sent them and what have they asked you? What did you tell them? what are you doing? I said well they ask me to write some things and I should bring it and that was the end of it. So basically that could have been the evidence but then there was no evidence because my parents took it so these were things that I was battling with.

I got to a point I told my mother I hated her because the treatment I was getting. And so she told me she hated me too. So, you know, it was even at that time. Iwas very young when I said that. Now, I lived with that, went through university, came out, got married when i got Married because in our day, You know you don't normally see the bride until you get, after the wedding and they come and pick you up in the evening or whatever. When we now started living together, the first time I just came out of the bathroom when I was standing in front of a mirror and I'm looking at my face and saying, why do I look so much like her?

That is my mom. Why do i look like I really don't want to look because I don t want be like that. In the process, my husband just saw the scars on my back and said, what is all this? Where did you get all of this from? I broke down and he said We went to get ready to go to church. That day we didn't go church because we had so fast that we'll be able to come in. But he got me to, you know, I couldn't tell him everything. I was literally still sobbing and crying all those years. And you're not talking from age four, but now I'm 25. and I now having to say all out.

So he was very compassionate. He said, You know what? just write it down. He said he felt it just felt that I needed to just right it as you're writing it will help I couldn't write anything. I wrote half a paragraph, but I can't anything because my hand was literally shaking each time I wanted to write. And he didn't really know what to do. Because he joined me in the United Kingdom, he came from abroad. So In church, they were talking about forgiveness and, you know, I'd never thought of forgiving my parents ever because I felt that they would want that

Disclosure, Court Case, and Conviction 11:45

did something to me, even though I had served in the church. But I never felt forgiveness will not come to that point of my life. I didn't think about it. And so I had to come to that point. The pastor just said, well, there's someone you need to forgive. Was it my husband that offended me? I said no. My husband hasn't done anything. So my husbands said maybe it's my mom and my dad. And they said I have to forget. I couldn't at that, but I cried and wept. But when I got home, I to spend time praying and the Lord laid in my heart to for give and helped me to give.

It was when we forgave them, then I wrote the book within a month. I was able to write everything, I mean, it's in more detail in the book. I'm just trying to make it short because of time. And so unfortunately, so I wrote, all of it down. So there was a case that came up, Victoria Columbia case, which came off around 2008, of somebody who had been abused. She came over to the UK to stay with her aunt and she died. she was basically killed, abused and killed. So I'm hearing this just at this point in time, not even knowing I am still beginning to learn what abuse is, because I hadn't really understood it.

I haven't been for any training to know what abused was. And so when I heard that, I said, that's not right. This is what I went through in the 60s. Why is it still going on now? And that was how I started to write. So in process, again, my siblings, a copy of The books, it was called, at that time, What a Life is what I called the book, what a life, because indeed what life it is. I mean, anything I did, I will get beaten for it. And so when I passed out, my brother, who is the only boy in the family said, he's going to report me.

He's gonna take me to court that I'm lying. Why should I be putting so much pressure on my parents? And I was saying, He didn't actually come to me directly, he came through my immediate junior sister and she told me, I said, you know, tell him if he wants to go to court, we should go. because what I'm saying is true. As at that time, I had been going into schools, talking to them about ACEs, raising the awareness, using my injuries and myself as a case study to help them to understand the impact and also for them see that there are students in the school, which there were, who were going through some things but refused to talk.

They would talk, but then when you have now, they've made a disclosure, you've told the parent or invited the parents And I just send them back to that bad place. They're not going to say anything. And then I had to explain why. So that was a learning for them. This is what I was doing in schools. I invited to the House of Parliament to give a talk. Speaking to health, the nurses, doctors, just to raise that awareness at that time. Using yourself as a case study. Yes. Yeah, because I had, I have all the injuries and I'll have the emotional, psychological, manipulation, all of that.

And so I was just using that just to empower them to understand. Unfortunately, my brother then went to another level. He went on the internet that I was living a fantasy and he wrote all kinds of things. And he said, I'm your brother. You know, he's going to expose the truth. I guess my mother put him up to it. They're very close. So I had to go and find out what can I do here. Because I've been to so many schools they had no meaning in the area and I was wondering if I don't do something they're going to feel it's true especially because he said he's my brother and he didn't put his name there.

So I sought legal advice they said you know what I need to they'll help me to stop him getting an injection but I needs to get a police reference. That was a problem because all this time I had not said anything to anybody. The only person that knew about the abuse was myself and my husband, and maybe my children. My children, they were younger then because they helped me to type up my script. So it was hard. I prayed about it and I said, OK, you know what, is it just to get a police reference? And that's it.

And they'll get my brother to stop. I forgot all about my safeguarding rules and procedures. And so I, you know, I was so excited that, at least I get this reference so that they can stop, because I'd been invited to a school to talk to the children and the teachers. So he then, when I called the police, they said, well, do they come to their house or do I want to come? I said come into the house. I've got my book, got the things print off from the internet, and I got all the injuries to show for it.

I didn't realize I was actually making a disclosure indirectly, even though as a professional, I should have known that. So here they came to the house and they said, oh, you know, well, they were shocked because the injuries on my head, like I wear a wig right now because I have eight injuries in my hands. Like I will say some of the things that happened. And I then had to go, They said well you, know what I've made a disclosures that this is going to be investigated as the historic case of abuse.

They then put some, some police on the case and I had to be interviewed. They, then took me to, I didn't have a forensic examination. So they did a body mass. That was terrible. It was painful because all the injuries of years ago, all that pain just came back in one go. I have, it was then I found out that the head injury where she was, was hit with a mop stick. It's just two millimeters from my brain. So it was just God that kept me, saved me for such a time as this, I believe. And so they invited my parents and said, you know what, if you agree that you did all these things, they're not going to do anything because it's 50 years ago, your elderly now.

My parents denied. They actually denied that they did not do any of those things. They showed them the pictures, they denied it. And they told them if they deny it they're going to do a full investigation and the Crown Prosecution will take them to court. That's what happened, unfortunately. Three years investigation. My parents were both convicted. I had to go to the court, I was the victim. my the the cps lawyer said i said to him i say do you think i should take off my wig at any point in time because that's the only place where i can show that there are some injuries i found sure my legs because i'm wearing you know no, no.

I don't want you to, you know, your dignity is very important. And I just felt okay. Now here I was in court. My father got a lawyer, my dad, I'm confronted with two lawyers who were telling me that I wasn't telling lies. When you get so when, when the UK changed to the currency to they did a decimal, as I call it, because that was what it was, in 71. My mother used cable wire to beat me on my legs because I couldn't count properly. Because the lawyer said, so where are the injuries? What did you do?

You know, you're lying. How can you be telling lies on your parents, elderly parents like this? So I said you know what, what story do you want to hear? Is it in this house or this one? I then said this is what happened. The judge said that was 1971. And that makes you seven years old. And he said seven-years-old, and that decimal thing was so hard for everybody. How much more is seven year old? So that went in my favor. Then the next one was that he asked another question. Well, you don't have any injuries.

We know that you're very good. You're a professional. you can do this. I said, put up my hand, I say, George, can I take off my wig? Because obviously they didn't know I was even wearing a wig. So I took off the week, and I just broke down at that point. I said, why can't she just tell the truth? Now, the judge had seen it, because his way up, he saw the news. He said I should show the jury. And I think because of the outburst, I was crying and sobbing the case. They had to adjourn it for a few minutes, for about an hour.

But anyway, some of it was that both my parents were convicted. My mother had go to prison. my dad was given a suspended sentence because he kicked me at the back of my head. I was seven when he kick me to the top of head because there's a kind of punishment where they will say stoop down, I don't know whether you've heard about when they asked you to sit down, so you're more or less going on. You're using one leg to balance. There isn't one like high up, and then you'll use one finger to bounce on the floor.

It's on internet that people want to check that out. And all what I did was that the neighbors downstairs said, come and stay with us. Because normally when I come back from school, I'm sitting on a staircase waiting for them. Right. I think the people downstairs told my parents that, you know, what you are doing with your little girl is not good. How can you be leaving her alone? Because there are other flats in the house. and so my parents said I mustn't go downstairs anymore. Now they saw me again sitting on the stairs and they said oh come in.

I said my parent said i mustn t come. Oh no come and we'll you know we ll talk with them. now this was what happened as a result. i got i was asked to sit down in the process my father said why did you go down stairs i told you not to go and he just kicked me to the back of my head now i didn't know much better i just told to blood started pouring i You know, I was a bad child.

Why ACEs Education Matters in Schools 22:08

So I went to bed that night and I woke up crying. I didn't realise there was blood all over my pillow. And my, you know they started talking in the language because I did understand the native language, because basically I, didn t know the languages at the time. They then had to call the ambulance. When the Ambulance was coming, my daughter said, make sure you tell them you fell down the stairs. And I'm afraid because everything I, you know, and so, do you remember what I said you should tell? Make sure you tell them you fell down the stairs, I was okay.

Meanwhile, remember my head is bleeding, the back of my is leading. Make you sure to tell that you fall down stairs. So anyway, they take me to the ambulance and get to hospital and the doctors asking me, what happened? I fell downstairs. What did you follow? I couldn't answer that question because really I didn't know that was going to be a further one. So I, I did not answer. I had to have the x-ray done, so I have to put on ice because I think they were swelling up pressure. Now I was bandaged up, obviously, to go home.

But all these kinds of things, all this abuse, I never could tell anyone, because I also thought it was my next door neighbour going through. Now, from 2008, when 2018 after the court case, I just felt, you know what, i've got to tell people about this. Because many people don't know abuse is, which is sad. And so telling people what abuse was, going to schools, talking to the safeguarding teachers, talk to hospital staff, letting them know that this is what one needs to look at. And children need to be looked after at a very early age, because me, I find out what I knew now when I was younger.

Some of the things I'm having to suffer that I am trying to recover from mentally, you know, the I was diagnosed with complex PTSD, and I'm happy that I am in recovery. And it's a day to day journey, because one has to keep on going and just trusting God for that healing. But at the same time, we also need to be aware that the physical health impact as well. Because for me, Yes, I'm a health professional. That's why I try to make sure I have that knowledge. But for those that don't, things like diabetes, obesity, And I was very big at that point in time because of the sadness and everything else.

I wasn't 24, but I managed to come back down to a size 16, 18, because I committed myself that, you know, I must see my children grow up. And so that was what kept me going. But talking to people, raising the awareness, Recently, I mean, over the last few months I've been in and out of hospital. Why? Because one of the things I didn't mention that my mum did was the kick in my stomach. I did not realise, and maybe I lied again, but I can't remember. But I remember the thing but don't know what I do.

And so having what we call a sliding hernia that can just go in, slide out, there's no cure for it than to be on medication. And these are some of the things that can bring back the triggers that, you know, she did this, But in all, I am grateful that I believe God helped me to be here for such a time as this, to raise that awareness and to help people to know that, you know, if you are suffering from this you need to get help and you get that early intervention because you don't want it to go into adulthood and then you're beginning to suffer and at that bus stop you aren't able to move on.

And you are a psycho breaker. Yes. You live to tell the story against your parents, your family. Yeah. It sounds like that supported you, though. Pardon? You had a community. Like, you had the people that, like how you said, didn't have a memory that was saying, don't forget. You feel downstairs or don't forget you had these things. These people are the ones that actually supported you and believed you. Yes. I tell people sometimes it's our, I call them instead of family, our column relatives because they are a part of your community and support you have done relatives.

Because I too have family members that don' want to honor the things that have happened. So I totally understand. So congratulations to you for being a warrior for change and sharing your story after all of those years, because the fact that they were convicted is a wonderful thing. I hate that you had to be your own case study, but Look at you, you know what I mean? Like you talk about ACES education. So was it the ACEs education that made you want to step up? What was that that you wanted to advocate for yourself and go and talk into the schools and have that conversation so others can be aware?

Firstly, for myself, I needed to be, when I was aware, When I became aware of ACEs and the impact, because I saw when i was going through training, i knew the impacts on myself. And I felt, okay, now it makes sense to me and now I have something that I can actually use in schools. So it's not just talking about abuse now, it is talking About the Impact on the child as a young person. Because I didn't realize when my mother would try and teach me some mathematics whereby you're doing the take away.

So you are doing like 20 take-away 12 and you have to carry over. I couldn't get it. And I'll be beaten and beaten, and beating, now having my own kids and I felt so sorry because if I knew what I know then and had the help then maybe they won't be suffering from dyslexia today or maybe there will be something from ADHD. today, not on the higher level perspective, but there are traces of that. And I'm happy that we were able to do those assessments for them so that they could get the help and support they need to get through school.

I've had to have coping mechanisms. And I didn't realize it was tailored towards the brain development at some point in my life. Even when I went through university, I have to sit down and read my notes every single day. So if I had a lecture today, and reading it for the next one week till we have the lecture, to make sure that I don't forget it. That was how I was able to study. And there are children like that today who are going through anxiety, can't say what's going on at home. Unfortunately, we have parents who are so, you know, the whole world will love them, but they have no idea what the child is facing behind those doors.

Therapy, Psychotherapy, and Professional Practice 29:38

Those are the kind of parents I had. And so there are some other children that their parents will come and be so nice to everybody in school. But in the house, they're like, tigers or bears and the child is so afraid and they can't concentrate and that's the reason why I go into schools to raise that awareness so that the teachers who are closest to the children will be able to understand what those children are going through so they will not be deprived or put at a disadvantage but they would be to go through school with that support.

And you are doing it, you have every book that you can think of. I know y'all know me, I am a researcher. And so the guests that we have and what I love about the guest, especially in the cycle breaker series, are they are you. They are the Cycle Breakers. They are the ones that are on that journey to not just helping themselves but help others heal. And I commend you again for going into the schools to do this because you have tons of books. I can see for me, my emphasis has always been ACES education but the emphasis of extracurricular activity and that creative writing, I see it.

I see it because you are a writer. I've just loved everything. You have basically courses and workshops catered to everyone from elementary school all the way to adulthood. And when I tell you guys she's on Amazon, she is on amazon. everything checked, not to say it like that, but we have a lot of us that have been in the front lines for years. We weren't social media, we didn't have time, and we did not have that opportunity because we were sitting in classrooms. Just to give you some background on me, I actually was a special education and still am a Special Education Representative and Administrator for schools.

So the IEPs, the 504 Special education, everything from gifted and talented all the way to severe profile. Those acronyms is how I became interested in ACES because those acronyns, the emotionally disturbed behavior, all of that ADHD, PTSD, I believe has something to do with ACEs. Me having this podcast is my way of showing how autoimmune, and the nervous system, ADHD PTSD All of these things are related to the abuse, the neglect, and the household dysfunction and other adversities that go under the ACE's umbrella.

So again, The work that you are doing is great. You are a therapist, a psychotherapist. Tell us more about that. Okay, so three thousand and five or six, I decided that yes, um, i'm actually a health professional clinical scientist. So normally all the blood tests that I've done when people are looking for cases, you know, there's leukemia or something, we're the ones that diagnose that and see the patients. But I wanted to move into something that i could also use to help people directly on the front line.

I did my course in cancelling and then I went on to doing psychotherapy and homing in on things like mother wound therapy, father wound, inner child therapy and also working around knowing that the roots and the basis of all of these cases and so I then started to include when I joined We had the meeting and we heard about Dr. Nadine who was talking about I think her TEDx talk and so there was another programme going on in UK at the time so they were doing ACs for young people, AC's for adult domestic violence and I just thought you know what we need to go for this so my husband and I signed up for the courses we did all of them and so from then onwards we started to build on that because there was as at that time I hadn't really registered as a psychotherapist but then I decided that you know what I'm not just going to do the education I am also going help people and have that opportunity and over the years I've been seeing and noticing that it is abuse and everything else that is the roots of ACs.

You can't talk about AC's without looking at all these other areas. And what people are really going through is ACS. are sorted out, including bereavement and grief, if all of those are sort out there will be need for all these other things in the world today. And so working with people and trying to empower them, that was one of the reasons why I decided to go on this journey and I'm developing them more. Recently, I think it was last year actually, and early this year I did some courses with ACs aware, I did a few of their courses and so I thought, oh, well, this is fantastic.

I think the one about nature therapy and also early intervention and screening and which I then delivered training to an NGO here in the UK last summer on screening within the group. So this was a youth group So I said, you know what, now that you can raise up the older ones can be the champions. So they will do the screening because, the peer to peer, they can do screenings and then they report back to the head of the youth club. And so that was how I started that. Because I'm a therapist, I can have my own clinic.

which is great, because all I need to do now is to work with schools and actually get those referrals, work, with colleges, get them referrals and do the therapy with a whole lot of other therapists as well. So it's now building on that. And because I've been writing courses for years and getting them validated by awarding bodies, So I've written a recent I just compiled six courses that I want to do one for therapy so that they can actually add AC screening and intervention to their practice, but then also for schools and multi agencies to be able to understand and know how to help the children because toxic stress for me is I know what that you know that is very significant and people tend to not understand what toxic stresses so to have that competence and understanding will save a whole lot of issues that actually happen.

So that's the reason why I'm doing the work I do, is to help other people. And that's the reason why we need you. See, I'm an educator. I wanna stick with the educational part. As you can see, can break it down to where people can understand it and break down into trainings, workshops, sessions, cohorts, classes, workshop, trainings whatever they are looking for.

Silence, Community, and Generational Trauma 36:38

You're doing that from a therapist perspective. Now I will share with you, with therapists as well. So I'm working with counselors, I working social workers, therapists, educators, business, barbershops, police trainings, wherever, because I think this is something that needs to be discussed, period. I am listening to people as they talk and they share their stories and then like, yeah because my childhood trauma or oh yes this so toxic or because of my past experiences. Past experiences, ACES. Childhood trauma, aces.

You know what I mean? It's like, what is it? Why do you think people don't want to say the acronym? Or what do wish people understood more about it that isn't talked about enough? One thing, and I'm going to save this, but in the Black community, it's a silence culture, you don't talk about it. If you talk it, it is a taboo. You are not one of us now, but you are one. After the court case, I got a backlash from the community. What is discipline? It is for the child and all of that. I then had to say, okay, fine, understand discipline.

But look at my head. Look at the injuries. When I show them the injury, then they keep quiet. I said, so what do you call that then? And so it's a very important issue. It's a very important issue. But look at us. You felt like you were doing this on your own. I did too, and now you are together. And we're saying the same thing. We're in two different countries. we are in 2 different continents. and we were saying THE SAME THING, you guys. Asus really doesn't have a color at all. It just depends on what community you are in.

And in our community, we normalize these things. I honestly cannot believe that your parents went as far as they did to manipulate and gaslight your family. It's very hard to hear, but when I tell you I've experienced it, I know people that have. There are people on my podcast that I have shared. When I go into different speaking engagements, when go to different conferences, trainings, you would be surprised. But that's why we're here. That's the reason why. We have to continue to do this work because Well, we you said something about that generational trauma And I will share with you in my book I don't cut to chapter seven or nine to talk about generational.

Trauma. I talk. About it in chapter two because I think that's what helped me understand ACEs a lot. I had questions and my parents just wouldn't answer. They wouldn' answer and so to this day, love them. That's their story to share, but it helped understand why. Because again, there was another generation before them, I will say I learned doing a circle. We had about four or five generations that were in one of the community circles that we were having. And one of the women was married and currently married for 65 years.

But she put an emphasis on that and she said, listen, you guys, while we're clapping and saying this is a wonderful thing, 65 ago, women didn't have jobs. Women had to stay home, cook, do these things. And how our tradition and our transition has changed over the years, that's another reason why there are so many household dysfunctions that are happening. So I will say this, we have a lot of work to do because I'm telling you the awareness is what is going to help others. I hate that you had to be a case study, but I am going say I'm grateful for you because there's another person out there willing to share her story.

There is another that is out advocating for ACEs. So I will ask you a few more questions because you've been on this healing journey for a very, very long time. Shout out to your husband. who believes you and supports you to this day. But if you could say one thing to someone just beginning their healing journey, what would it be? Well, it's not going to be easy. Yes, but it is not impossible. It is possible to heal. And it to get the right therapy for you. I think mine was faith-based all along.

I mean, the church didn't know because there wasn't, I meant, when it comes to mental health in the Church, nobody wants to know that. Nobody wants deal with it. And so I didn' really tell the churches and being in leadership, that would not be okay, but it was my faith. One thing that I would say my parents did for me was that they said I had to go to church every Sunday on my own. So I'll walk up the hill to St Stephen's Church up a hill and I will go for Sunday school and then I come back home.

My parents at home, they didn't go to church. But that is what kept me my faith and that's what has kept you to this thing. So, I believe that. The healing that I'm going through, yes, I can do all the therapy. I couldn't do the other bits. But I believe my faith in God, the fact that was able to forgive, which is very important before you even start going on any journey.

Healing, Faith, and Finding Support 42:38

Because if you can't forgive then you, you you cannot move forward. And after forgiving, just holding on to the Lord and then going, then I went for therapy and I think that's why I am in a better place today. It is, and I'm gonna tell you, our community is going to love you. I said I would love for you to meet Mick, but I definitely would would like for to you meet Sheree, I will love it for for me to Alisa. These are people that definitely understand ACES, they're authors as well, And they share their story, But they shared their stories and say that if it wasn't having or being introduced to the faith-based part of ACEs, That's what helped them heal.

And so I agree with you 100%. This is what I've been doing for the past three years and it works for me. To hear you say that, that's a wonderful thing. Not to knock anybody that is not, but people have to find their best way for self-care because that what it is for. It's the awareness and the fact that you're willing to take care of yourself. So somebody that dealing with drug abuse knows You can't continue to do the drugs if you're trying to heal. Someone with alcohol abuse knows, well, you really can do that.

Sexual abuse, financial abuse neglects. You have to start taking care of yourself. So I think that's why I'm so into the awareness, the communication, and the community and empowerment because I've watched it. I watched to heal people. Or not heal, but help them on their healing journey. Because again, understanding ACEs and I always tell people understanding that study and just taking that quiz is just like the identifier. It's the introduction. This is really real. Oh my God, what's our next steps?

And then we have the options of different types of therapies, psychotherapists, EMDR. We have breathing techniques. You have all of these wonderful things out there. But again, our community doesn't know those things at all because we normalize those thing. So while I hate that these things happen to you, I'm grateful to have you here with us today. Thank you. No, I thank you so much. Let people know how they can find you because I am going to definitely introduce you to our community. From here, we'll exchange through emails.

Join us always on Thursdays. But again, there are other people. Like I said, you would be great with Jorge. He has broken down the ACES quiz through a training and he breaks it down. I think a lot of people get confused once they take the quiz. It's like, okay, well, let's break it. Down. Let's show you why this works and why it doesn't work or let us continue to do this so I can educate you on that. And he has done a phenomenal job. So the people that we have in the community, they were a lot of people did travel for the International Awareness Conference, but this community built we connected we support each other, and we are on a heavy and fast movement.

So needed especially with all the powerful resources that you have people will definitely grab them because they know your Experiences not only speaks for it themselves, but you're a cycle breaker How can people find you? Well, um, I think Instagram at the moment. So it's um Dr. Dr Lydia underscore psychotherapists You can message me there DM me they're connected me follow me Let me tell you guys, she's all online. She's being real quiet. He's been real, real humble. And I love that about you, Dr.

Lydia, but all of her books, all her resources, everything is out there visible.

How to Find Dr. Lydia and Closing Remarks 46:38

You guys a lot of hurt. If you look on her website, if you go on our website. This is how passionate she is about educating others. So I thank you. I really do. And of course, this will not be the last of us. You caught me in a transition of being a mom and starting school again. But I'm glad you stuck in there with me. Because I want to tell you guys now, she was persistent. She got Dr. Tori. That's the type of people I wanna work with. We're all experiencing life and we're doing things. But your love and your commitment to this, I am definitely interested in working with you and help build that bridge so we can continue to impact others.

So I thank you again for being here. And you guys, and I know you are going to love this episode because me, it has just impacted me so more to continue what I'm doing, to find value and add value to our podcast by having you as a guest, Dr. Lydia. Thank you so much. You guys. Another episode of Be Victorious. You all seen it? You can see me and find me everywhere. We are expanding, you guys. It's Be Victoria's Educational Services. This is our Be victorious podcast. My name is Dr. Tori, who creates victory in others by creating victory through education.

Another Episode of be victorious podcasts. Have a great day. Bye, guys