Full Transcript Show Introduction 0:02 [Music] 0:02 [Music] Welcome to the Longevity Protocol with 0:04 Welcome to the Longevity Protocol with 0:04 Welcome to the Longevity Protocol with Dr. Christina Bosch and Dr. John A. 0:06 Dr. Christina Bosch and Dr. John A. 0:06 Dr. Christina Bosch and Dr. John A. Robinson. We'll be your guides to 0:09 Robinson. We'll be your guides to 0:09 Robinson. We'll be your guides to uncovering the secrets to optimal 0:11 uncovering the secrets to optimal 0:11 uncovering the secrets to optimal health, better sex, and happiness. From 0:14 health, better sex, and happiness. From 0:14 health, better sex, and happiness. From debunking aging myths to exploring the 0:16 debunking aging myths to exploring the 0:16 debunking aging myths to exploring the science behind what it means to live the 0:18 science behind what it means to live the 0:18 science behind what it means to live the longevity protocol. We'll dive into a 0:21 longevity protocol. We'll dive into a 0:21 longevity protocol. We'll dive into a wide range of topics. 0:24 wide range of topics. 0:24 wide range of topics. So get ready for an exhilarating journey 0:27 So get ready for an exhilarating journey 0:27 So get ready for an exhilarating journey in what it means to live well and feel 0:29 in what it means to live well and feel 0:29 in what it means to live well and feel your very best at any age.
Relationship Longevity Basics 0:40 How long have we been together? 0:40 How long have we been together? >> Like as of this morning or you mean in 0:42 >> Like as of this morning or you mean in 0:42 >> Like as of this morning or you mean in our relationship? 0:44 our relationship? 0:44 our relationship? >> Really? Okay. In our relationship, hold 0:45 >> Really? Okay. In our relationship, hold 0:45 >> Really? Okay. In our relationship, hold on a sec. You think I would I'm asking 0:47 on a sec. You think I would I'm asking 0:47 on a sec. You think I would I'm asking that question? 0:48 that question? 0:48 that question? >> I thought it was a romantic way of 0:50 >> I thought it was a romantic way of 0:50 >> I thought it was a romantic way of asking what time is it? 0:51 asking what time is it? 0:51 asking what time is it? >> Really? I gota I got to think about that 0:54 >> Really? I gota I got to think about that 0:54 >> Really? I gota I got to think about that uh and do that. 0:55 uh and do that. 0:55 uh and do that. >> How long have we been together, love? 0:57 >> How long have we been together, love? 0:57 >> How long have we been together, love? >> Yes. 0:58 >> Yes. 0:58 >> Yes. >> 9 18. 1:01 >> 9 18. 1:01 >> 9 18. >> Hours and hours. We're just not long 1:03 >> Hours and hours. We're just not long 1:03 >> Hours and hours. We're just not long enough. 1:04 enough. 1:04 enough. >> The time flies. 1:05 >> The time flies. 1:05 >> The time flies. >> Yes. 1:06 >> Yes. 1:06 >> Yes. >> How many years have we been together? 1:09 >> How many years have we been together? 1:09 >> How many years have we been together? >> I would say 20 1:12 >> I would say 20 1:12 >> I would say 20 uh two. 22. 1:16 uh two. 22. 1:16 uh two. 22. >> That's a true story. 1:17 >> That's a true story. 1:17 >> That's a true story. >> Yes. 1:17 >> Yes. 1:17 >> Yes. >> Good job. 1:19 >> Good job. 1:19 >> Good job. >> Wow. Yes. Um, that's what we're talking 1:22 >> Wow. Yes. Um, that's what we're talking 1:22 >> Wow. Yes. Um, that's what we're talking about today. So, what what do couples do 1:26 about today. So, what what do couples do 1:26 about today. So, what what do couples do in order to stay together 20 years, 30 1:30 in order to stay together 20 years, 30 1:30 in order to stay together 20 years, 30 years? How long have your parents been 1:32 years? How long have your parents been 1:32 years? How long have your parents been together? 1:33 together? 1:33 together? >> Um, 1:34 >> Um, 1:34 >> Um, >> they've been married 54 1:37 >> they've been married 54 1:37 >> they've been married 54 >> 53 year 53 years. 1:39 >> 53 year 53 years. 1:40 >> 53 year 53 years. >> Married 53, but was it about a year or 1:43 >> Married 53, but was it about a year or 1:43 >> Married 53, but was it about a year or more or so before that? So, you know, 1:45 more or so before that? So, you know, 1:45 more or so before that? So, you know, over half of a century. 1:48 over half of a century. 1:48 over half of a century. I think that's just impressive. I think 1:50 I think that's just impressive. I think 1:50 I think that's just impressive. I think now just realizing we've been together 1:52 now just realizing we've been together 1:52 now just realizing we've been together for over two decades is Yeah. Yeah. We 1:55 for over two decades is Yeah. Yeah. We 1:55 for over two decades is Yeah. Yeah. We did good. Now we're doing good. I don't 1:58 did good. Now we're doing good. I don't 1:58 did good. Now we're doing good. I don't like the way you just said that. 1:59 like the way you just said that. 1:59 like the way you just said that. >> What is that that thing that trend on 2:01 >> What is that that thing that trend on 2:01 >> What is that that thing that trend on social media of like with my current 2:03 social media of like with my current 2:04 social media of like with my current husband? 2:05 husband? 2:05 husband? >> Remember I showed it to you and you 2:06 >> Remember I showed it to you and you 2:06 >> Remember I showed it to you and you you're like, I don't think that's funny. 2:08 you're like, I don't think that's funny. 2:08 you're like, I don't think that's funny. >> Yeah, I didn't like that. I don't like 2:09 >> Yeah, I didn't like that. I don't like 2:09 >> Yeah, I didn't like that. I don't like that 2:09 that 2:10 that >> I didn't think it I thought it was funny 2:11 >> I didn't think it I thought it was funny 2:11 >> I didn't think it I thought it was funny watching it, but I didn't like the 2:14 watching it, but I didn't like the 2:14 watching it, but I didn't like the concept either. 2:16 concept either. 2:16 concept either. Anywh who, yes, 2:17 Anywh who, yes, 2:17 Anywh who, yes, >> we're gonna talk about 2:19 >> we're gonna talk about 2:19 >> we're gonna talk about >> longevity in relationships. 2:20 >> longevity in relationships. 2:20 >> longevity in relationships. >> Yeah. What do people do? What are some 2:22 >> Yeah. What do people do? What are some 2:22 >> Yeah. What do people do? What are some of the what's some of the research? What 2:24 of the what's some of the research? What 2:24 of the what's some of the research? What are some of the concepts behind that? 2:26 are some of the concepts behind that? 2:26 are some of the concepts behind that? What's our personal take on it? What 2:28 What's our personal take on it? What 2:28 What's our personal take on it? What have we personally done? 2:29 have we personally done? 2:29 have we personally done? >> Um what's worked? What doesn't work? 2:32 >> Um what's worked? What doesn't work? 2:32 >> Um what's worked? What doesn't work? >> Um 2:34 >> Um 2:34 >> Um so I don't know what what would you say 2:35 so I don't know what what would you say 2:35 so I don't know what what would you say just generically, what would you say? 2:37 just generically, what would you say? 2:37 just generically, what would you say? >> Well, what makes someone stay together 2:39 >> Well, what makes someone stay together 2:39 >> Well, what makes someone stay together that long? 2:39 that long? 2:39 that long? >> What I would say is 2:40 >> What I would say is 2:40 >> What I would say is >> And you have such a great role model 2:42 >> And you have such a great role model 2:42 >> And you have such a great role model with we have a great role model with 2:43 with we have a great role model with 2:43 with we have a great role model with your parents. Yeah. 2:44 your parents. Yeah. 2:44 your parents. Yeah. >> What would you say? I really do. Well, 2:46 >> What would you say? I really do. Well, 2:46 >> What would you say? I really do. Well, what I would say is that I think a lot 2:48 what I would say is that I think a lot 2:48 what I would say is that I think a lot of people think it's whatever works for 2:50 of people think it's whatever works for 2:50 of people think it's whatever works for you, but I don't think that's actually 2:52 you, but I don't think that's actually 2:52 you, but I don't think that's actually true. I mean, not only do I not think 2:54 true. I mean, not only do I not think 2:54 true. I mean, not only do I not think it, we're going to discuss that in 2:55 it, we're going to discuss that in 2:56 it, we're going to discuss that in today's episode. There are some 2:58 today's episode. There are some 2:58 today's episode. There are some fundamental consistencies in
Values, Goals, and Shared Vision 3:01 fundamental consistencies in 3:01 fundamental consistencies in relationships that survive time and and 3:05 relationships that survive time and and 3:05 relationships that survive time and and survive isn't even the right word. No, 3:07 survive isn't even the right word. No, 3:07 survive isn't even the right word. No, that thrive 3:09 that thrive 3:09 that thrive >> through the years. And that doesn't mean 3:10 >> through the years. And that doesn't mean 3:10 >> through the years. And that doesn't mean that there aren't ups and downs, but 3:12 that there aren't ups and downs, but 3:12 that there aren't ups and downs, but they still thrive. So my number one 3:15 they still thrive. So my number one 3:15 they still thrive. So my number one comment to the audience is it's not just 3:18 comment to the audience is it's not just 3:18 comment to the audience is it's not just what works for you. There are some tips, 3:22 what works for you. There are some tips, 3:22 what works for you. There are some tips, there are some habits that help ensure a 3:26 there are some habits that help ensure a 3:26 there are some habits that help ensure a life well-lived with your partner. 3:29 life well-lived with your partner. 3:29 life well-lived with your partner. Um having mentors in business is 3:32 Um having mentors in business is 3:32 Um having mentors in business is important. Having mentors in school is 3:35 important. Having mentors in school is 3:35 important. Having mentors in school is important. Having mentors in 3:37 important. Having mentors in 3:37 important. Having mentors in relationship is also important. 3:41 relationship is also important. 3:41 relationship is also important. >> Yeah. Uh speaking of mentor, my mentor 3:43 >> Yeah. Uh speaking of mentor, my mentor 3:43 >> Yeah. Uh speaking of mentor, my mentor would say you are the sum total of the 3:45 would say you are the sum total of the 3:45 would say you are the sum total of the five people you hang around with. 3:46 five people you hang around with. 3:46 five people you hang around with. >> Correct. 3:46 >> Correct. 3:46 >> Correct. >> So if if the people you're maybe hanging 3:48 >> So if if the people you're maybe hanging 3:48 >> So if if the people you're maybe hanging around with if if you're in a 3:50 around with if if you're in a 3:50 around with if if you're in a relationship and you want to have the 3:51 relationship and you want to have the 3:51 relationship and you want to have the best possible relationship, are you 3:53 best possible relationship, are you 3:53 best possible relationship, are you hanging out with people that also at 3:56 hanging out with people that also at 3:56 hanging out with people that also at least are together and maybe thriving 3:58 least are together and maybe thriving 3:58 least are together and maybe thriving also in their relationship? I think 3:59 also in their relationship? I think 3:59 also in their relationship? I think that's important. Do those couples do 4:01 that's important. Do those couples do 4:01 that's important. Do those couples do those people share the same values, 4:04 those people share the same values, 4:04 those people share the same values, right, 4:04 right, 4:04 right, >> as you? And certainly speaking of 4:06 >> as you? And certainly speaking of 4:06 >> as you? And certainly speaking of values, I mean that's probably a 4:08 values, I mean that's probably a 4:08 values, I mean that's probably a foundational thing um when it comes to 4:11 foundational thing um when it comes to 4:11 foundational thing um when it comes to couples. Do you do you have do you share 4:13 couples. Do you do you have do you share 4:13 couples. Do you do you have do you share values together? 4:14 values together? 4:14 values together? >> Are you striving and and do you have 4:17 >> Are you striving and and do you have 4:17 >> Are you striving and and do you have goals together? I think that's one of 4:18 goals together? I think that's one of 4:18 goals together? I think that's one of the most important things. That's 4:20 the most important things. That's 4:20 the most important things. That's certainly what's important for us. We 4:22 certainly what's important for us. We 4:22 certainly what's important for us. We have had goals. We have goals. We have 4:25 have had goals. We have goals. We have 4:26 have had goals. We have goals. We have goals on top of our goals and 4:28 goals on top of our goals and 4:28 goals on top of our goals and >> reassess, readjust. We have independent 4:31 >> reassess, readjust. We have independent 4:31 >> reassess, readjust. We have independent goals that we talk about that are still 4:34 goals that we talk about that are still 4:34 goals that we talk about that are still related to each other. We have goals 4:35 related to each other. We have goals 4:35 related to each other. We have goals that are absolutely combined. We have 4:37 that are absolutely combined. We have 4:37 that are absolutely combined. We have goals related to our children. 4:39 goals related to our children. 4:39 goals related to our children. >> We have goals for children. We have 4:41 >> We have goals for children. We have 4:41 >> We have goals for children. We have goals, you know, for them. I mean, 4:43 goals, you know, for them. I mean, 4:43 goals, you know, for them. I mean, there's just goals are always around. 4:44 there's just goals are always around. 4:44 there's just goals are always around. We're always thinking about the future 4:46 We're always thinking about the future 4:46 We're always thinking about the future with it. 4:47 with it. 4:47 with it. >> Yeah. 4:48 >> Yeah. 4:48 >> Yeah. >> Um, you actually said three things right 4:50 >> Um, you actually said three things right 4:50 >> Um, you actually said three things right in a row that was important. One of them 4:51 in a row that was important. One of them 4:52 in a row that was important. One of them was the people you surround yourself 4:53 was the people you surround yourself 4:53 was the people you surround yourself with. Uh, number two was about your 4:56 with. Uh, number two was about your 4:56 with. Uh, number two was about your values. And then number three was your 4:57 values. And then number three was your 4:57 values. And then number three was your goals. So, I don't want to forget those. 4:59 goals. So, I don't want to forget those. 4:59 goals. So, I don't want to forget those. If you can help me not forget those. 5:01 If you can help me not forget those. 5:01 If you can help me not forget those. >> Oh, wait. I got to write this down. 5:02 >> Oh, wait. I got to write this down. 5:02 >> Oh, wait. I got to write this down. >> Well, or use your your memory, which I 5:04 >> Well, or use your your memory, which I 5:04 >> Well, or use your your memory, which I don't have. So, 5:05 don't have. So, 5:05 don't have. So, >> the pressure there. 5:06 >> the pressure there. 5:06 >> the pressure there. >> Listen, I I'm writing them down, 5:07 >> Listen, I I'm writing them down, 5:07 >> Listen, I I'm writing them down, everybody, okay? Because I think it's 5:09 everybody, okay? Because I think it's 5:09 everybody, okay? Because I think it's important. Let me start with this idea 5:11 important. Let me start with this idea 5:11 important. Let me start with this idea of the five people you surround yourself 5:13 of the five people you surround yourself 5:13 of the five people you surround yourself with. And the idea that your couples 5:15 with. And the idea that your couples 5:15 with. And the idea that your couples that you hang out with should have 5:18 that you hang out with should have 5:18 that you hang out with should have values similar to you. Well, many of 5:20 values similar to you. Well, many of 5:20 values similar to you. Well, many of your friends are going to have values 5:22 your friends are going to have values 5:22 your friends are going to have values that are similar to you, but that's not 5:23 that are similar to you, but that's not 5:24 that are similar to you, but that's not the same thing as having values of the 5:27 the same thing as having values of the 5:27 the same thing as having values of the relationship that is similar to you.
Respect, Roles, and Partnership 5:30 relationship that is similar to you. 5:30 relationship that is similar to you. >> I find and I believe from everything 5:33 >> I find and I believe from everything 5:33 >> I find and I believe from everything that I've read in research for this and 5:36 that I've read in research for this and 5:36 that I've read in research for this and you know, I think sometimes it's funny 5:38 you know, I think sometimes it's funny 5:38 you know, I think sometimes it's funny to to quote research. So, it's not 5:40 to to quote research. So, it's not 5:40 to to quote research. So, it's not really research. Let's say it's uh 5:43 really research. Let's say it's uh 5:43 really research. Let's say it's uh patterns reported. Okay? patterns 5:45 patterns reported. Okay? patterns 5:45 patterns reported. Okay? patterns reported in couples. When women hang out 5:48 reported in couples. When women hang out 5:48 reported in couples. When women hang out with women that talk crap on their 5:50 with women that talk crap on their 5:50 with women that talk crap on their husbands, they are more prone to talk 5:53 husbands, they are more prone to talk 5:53 husbands, they are more prone to talk crap on their husbands. And if you are 5:56 crap on their husbands. And if you are 5:56 crap on their husbands. And if you are constantly focusing on the negative of 5:58 constantly focusing on the negative of 5:58 constantly focusing on the negative of your partner, then you will start to see 6:01 your partner, then you will start to see 6:01 your partner, then you will start to see more and more the negative of your 6:02 more and more the negative of your 6:02 more and more the negative of your partner. So, it is a very important 6:04 partner. So, it is a very important 6:04 partner. So, it is a very important thing for women to recognize when you're 6:06 thing for women to recognize when you're 6:06 thing for women to recognize when you're out with your girlfriends. If they spend 6:08 out with your girlfriends. If they spend 6:08 out with your girlfriends. If they spend a lot of time putting down their 6:10 a lot of time putting down their 6:10 a lot of time putting down their husband, you may want to reconsider that 6:13 husband, you may want to reconsider that 6:13 husband, you may want to reconsider that relationship, that friendship 6:14 relationship, that friendship 6:14 relationship, that friendship relationship. That's obviously not a 6:16 relationship. That's obviously not a 6:16 relationship. That's obviously not a rule across the board. Sometimes you 6:17 rule across the board. Sometimes you 6:18 rule across the board. Sometimes you have a friend that's going through a 6:19 have a friend that's going through a 6:19 have a friend that's going through a particularly hard time or sometimes you 6:21 particularly hard time or sometimes you 6:21 particularly hard time or sometimes you have friends that are in the process of 6:22 have friends that are in the process of 6:22 have friends that are in the process of separating. But I'm talking about those 6:24 separating. But I'm talking about those 6:24 separating. But I'm talking about those relationships that are like, you know, 6:26 relationships that are like, you know, 6:26 relationships that are like, you know, we're in it for the long run, but all we 6:28 we're in it for the long run, but all we 6:28 we're in it for the long run, but all we do is talk smack on each other. 6:30 do is talk smack on each other. 6:30 do is talk smack on each other. >> That is not a good relationship to be 6:32 >> That is not a good relationship to be 6:32 >> That is not a good relationship to be around. that has always been um so 6:36 around. that has always been um so 6:36 around. that has always been um so impressive for me and so important for 6:39 impressive for me and so important for 6:39 impressive for me and so important for me 6:39 me 6:40 me >> that you're that way. Yeah. Uh and and I 6:42 >> that you're that way. Yeah. Uh and and I 6:42 >> that you're that way. Yeah. Uh and and I would say, you know, gentlemen, uh you 6:44 would say, you know, gentlemen, uh you 6:44 would say, you know, gentlemen, uh you definitely want to be in a relationship 6:46 definitely want to be in a relationship 6:46 definitely want to be in a relationship with someone who 6:48 with someone who 6:48 with someone who >> she is your biggest fan or no, you are 6:52 >> she is your biggest fan or no, you are 6:52 >> she is your biggest fan or no, you are her biggest fan and vice versa because I 6:53 her biggest fan and vice versa because I 6:53 her biggest fan and vice versa because I I am your biggest fan. You are my 6:57 I am your biggest fan. You are my 6:57 I am your biggest fan. You are my biggest fan. 6:58 biggest fan. 6:58 biggest fan. >> Am I saying that right? 6:59 >> Am I saying that right? 6:59 >> Am I saying that right? >> I don't know, but it sounds good to me. 7:01 >> I don't know, but it sounds good to me. 7:01 >> I don't know, but it sounds good to me. >> Make sure it's that way. goals and fans. 7:03 >> Make sure it's that way. goals and fans. 7:03 >> Make sure it's that way. goals and fans. >> Goals and fans. Fandom. Uh, real fandom. 7:06 >> Goals and fans. Fandom. Uh, real fandom. 7:06 >> Goals and fans. Fandom. Uh, real fandom. That's what it should be. I mean, and 7:08 That's what it should be. I mean, and 7:08 That's what it should be. I mean, and you know, men men need respect. They 7:12 you know, men men need respect. They 7:12 you know, men men need respect. They need respect. They need respect in 7:14 need respect. They need respect in 7:14 need respect. They need respect in certain ways almost more than they need 7:15 certain ways almost more than they need 7:15 certain ways almost more than they need love. It's how they they interpret that. 7:18 love. It's how they they interpret that. 7:18 love. It's how they they interpret that. And that's just always been something so 7:21 And that's just always been something so 7:21 And that's just always been something so amazing about you is that you've been 7:23 amazing about you is that you've been 7:23 amazing about you is that you've been able to constantly um display respect 7:27 able to constantly um display respect 7:27 able to constantly um display respect for me uh whether privately, but 7:30 for me uh whether privately, but 7:30 for me uh whether privately, but certainly publicly. and you know you so 7:33 certainly publicly. and you know you so 7:33 certainly publicly. and you know you so for me you are you provide me status 7:36 for me you are you provide me status 7:36 for me you are you provide me status that's what I get from you um in among 7:39 that's what I get from you um in among 7:39 that's what I get from you um in among other things obviously but I'm getting 7:41 other things obviously but I'm getting 7:41 other things obviously but I'm getting that sort of status of saying wow look 7:44 that sort of status of saying wow look 7:44 that sort of status of saying wow look look what type of woman you have um and 7:47 look what type of woman you have um and 7:47 look what type of woman you have um and I think it's vice versa for sure that 7:49 I think it's vice versa for sure that 7:49 I think it's vice versa for sure that that's part of that that how I treat you 7:53 that's part of that that how I treat you 7:53 that's part of that that how I treat you >> publicly is something that provides you 7:55 >> publicly is something that provides you 7:55 >> publicly is something that provides you with status importance 7:57 with status importance 7:57 with status importance >> yeah I had seen a post that said um well 8:00 >> yeah I had seen a post that said um well 8:00 >> yeah I had seen a post that said um well I don't I I might mess this up because 8:02 I don't I I might mess this up because 8:02 I don't I I might mess this up because I'm not good with modern lingo, but it 8:04 I'm not good with modern lingo, but it 8:04 I'm not good with modern lingo, but it said something like, "Men, it's not the 8:06 said something like, "Men, it's not the 8:06 said something like, "Men, it's not the watch you wear, it's not the car you 8:09 watch you wear, it's not the car you 8:09 watch you wear, it's not the car you drive, it's it's not the shoes you use. 8:12 drive, it's it's not the shoes you use. 8:12 drive, it's it's not the shoes you use. Your real flex is your wife." 8:14 Your real flex is your wife." 8:14 Your real flex is your wife." >> Yeah. 8:15 >> Yeah. 8:15 >> Yeah. >> I thought, "Isn't that so true?" 8:17 >> I thought, "Isn't that so true?" 8:17 >> I thought, "Isn't that so true?" >> And how she again most important 8:19 >> And how she again most important 8:19 >> And how she again most important accessory. 8:19 accessory. 8:19 accessory. >> Absolutely. And and yeah, your most 8:21 >> Absolutely. And and yeah, your most 8:21 >> Absolutely. And and yeah, your most important asset. That's you know, it it 8:24 important asset. That's you know, it it 8:24 important asset. That's you know, it it that is the thing that's going to help a 8:26 that is the thing that's going to help a 8:26 that is the thing that's going to help a guy move forward. And when you have that 8:29 guy move forward. And when you have that 8:29 guy move forward. And when you have that mentality of your wife being your most 8:30 mentality of your wife being your most 8:30 mentality of your wife being your most important asset, then you treat it like 8:33 important asset, then you treat it like 8:33 important asset, then you treat it like an investment. You invest in that 8:36 an investment. You invest in that 8:36 an investment. You invest in that person. You invest in them in 8:38 person. You invest in them in 8:38 person. You invest in them in emotionally, intellectually, spiritually 8:42 emotionally, intellectually, spiritually 8:42 emotionally, intellectually, spiritually depending on that person's love 8:44 depending on that person's love 8:44 depending on that person's love language. Hopefully, you understand 8:45 language. Hopefully, you understand 8:45 language. Hopefully, you understand their love language. You know, either 8:47 their love language. You know, either 8:47 their love language. You know, either you're showering them with gifts or acts 8:48 you're showering them with gifts or acts 8:48 you're showering them with gifts or acts of kindness or whatever it is. When you 8:51 of kindness or whatever it is. When you 8:51 of kindness or whatever it is. When you value your female, you are going to give 8:55 value your female, you are going to give 8:56 value your female, you are going to give to them. When you value your male, 8:59 to them. When you value your male, 8:59 to them. When you value your male, you're going to um like you're saying,
Intimacy and Emotional Connection 9:03 you're going to um like you're saying, 9:03 you're going to um like you're saying, you're going to hold that space of their 9:06 you're going to hold that space of their 9:06 you're going to hold that space of their leadership and and their their manlyhood 9:10 leadership and and their their manlyhood 9:10 leadership and and their their manlyhood >> and that that's really important. You 9:11 >> and that that's really important. You 9:11 >> and that that's really important. You know, you said about the idea of the 9:14 know, you said about the idea of the 9:14 know, you said about the idea of the role model in my parents. 9:17 role model in my parents. 9:17 role model in my parents. I know my my mom in particular would 9:19 I know my my mom in particular would 9:19 I know my my mom in particular would always say when we were little, uh let 9:22 always say when we were little, uh let 9:22 always say when we were little, uh let me think of how you say it in Spanish. 9:24 me think of how you say it in Spanish. 9:24 me think of how you say it in Spanish. She would say, you know, I I can't make 9:27 She would say, you know, I I can't make 9:27 She would say, you know, I I can't make you love me, but I c but I will demand 9:29 you love me, but I c but I will demand 9:29 you love me, but I c but I will demand you respect. That kind of a thing, 9:30 you respect. That kind of a thing, 9:30 you respect. That kind of a thing, right? And people might think that 9:32 right? And people might think that 9:32 right? And people might think that sounds harsh. I don't think it sounds 9:34 sounds harsh. I don't think it sounds 9:34 sounds harsh. I don't think it sounds harsh. I find myself repeating it to be 9:36 harsh. I find myself repeating it to be 9:36 harsh. I find myself repeating it to be honest with you. And I think her lesson 9:38 honest with you. And I think her lesson 9:38 honest with you. And I think her lesson was a very good one. 9:40 was a very good one. 9:40 was a very good one. >> My parents taught me that if you are not 9:43 >> My parents taught me that if you are not 9:43 >> My parents taught me that if you are not respectful, you cannot love correctly. 9:47 respectful, you cannot love correctly. 9:47 respectful, you cannot love correctly. You cannot. And if a person says they 9:50 You cannot. And if a person says they 9:50 You cannot. And if a person says they love you but isn't respectful to you, 9:52 love you but isn't respectful to you, 9:52 love you but isn't respectful to you, that is not real love. 9:55 that is not real love. 9:55 that is not real love. >> I think that's yeah, certainly with 9:57 >> I think that's yeah, certainly with 9:57 >> I think that's yeah, certainly with love, I think that is a a focus on 10:01 love, I think that is a a focus on 10:01 love, I think that is a a focus on I think that is a commentary to what's 10:03 I think that is a commentary to what's 10:03 I think that is a commentary to what's going on in our society that it's the 10:06 going on in our society that it's the 10:06 going on in our society that it's the respect, you know, we talk about that 10:08 respect, you know, we talk about that 10:08 respect, you know, we talk about that that respect even among enemies and you 10:10 that respect even among enemies and you 10:10 that respect even among enemies and you know, politeness that that's just not 10:13 know, politeness that that's just not 10:13 know, politeness that that's just not trit. It's uh the politeness concept is 10:16 trit. It's uh the politeness concept is 10:16 trit. It's uh the politeness concept is just not old-fashioned. I always 10:18 just not old-fashioned. I always 10:18 just not old-fashioned. I always remember the story of I think it was um 10:20 remember the story of I think it was um 10:20 remember the story of I think it was um no I don't think it was Jefferson I 10:21 no I don't think it was Jefferson I 10:21 no I don't think it was Jefferson I think it was George Washington that he 10:24 think it was George Washington that he 10:24 think it was George Washington that he would refer to his wife as Mrs. 10:26 would refer to his wife as Mrs. 10:26 would refer to his wife as Mrs. Washington Mr. Washington. 10:28 Washington Mr. Washington. 10:28 Washington Mr. Washington. >> We used to do that. 10:29 >> We used to do that. 10:29 >> We used to do that. >> Yeah. And you know and now maybe that's 10:31 >> Yeah. And you know and now maybe that's 10:31 >> Yeah. And you know and now maybe that's a little bit of an extreme but maybe 10:33 a little bit of an extreme but maybe 10:33 a little bit of an extreme but maybe not. Maybe we need to learn more from 10:35 not. Maybe we need to learn more from 10:35 not. Maybe we need to learn more from this idea of structured politeness in 10:38 this idea of structured politeness in 10:38 this idea of structured politeness in order to channel into 10:41 order to channel into 10:41 order to channel into love. That it starts with that in order 10:43 love. That it starts with that in order 10:43 love. That it starts with that in order to reflect love and to understand love. 10:45 to reflect love and to understand love. 10:45 to reflect love and to understand love. Well, you know, um, people used to do 10:48 Well, you know, um, people used to do 10:48 Well, you know, um, people used to do that when they were referring to their 10:50 that when they were referring to their 10:50 that when they were referring to their partners in public, but if it meant that 10:52 partners in public, but if it meant that 10:52 partners in public, but if it meant that he would say that to her when they were 10:54 he would say that to her when they were 10:54 he would say that to her when they were in private, like when he was talking to 10:55 in private, like when he was talking to 10:55 in private, like when he was talking to her, he would say, "Mrs. Washington." 10:58 her, he would say, "Mrs. Washington." 10:58 her, he would say, "Mrs. Washington." >> Yes. Or Yeah. privately, publicly, even 11:00 >> Yes. Or Yeah. privately, publicly, even 11:00 >> Yes. Or Yeah. privately, publicly, even private. 11:01 private. 11:01 private. >> So, I mean, if you're doing that when 11:02 >> So, I mean, if you're doing that when 11:02 >> So, I mean, if you're doing that when you're in private, then I think there's 11:04 you're in private, then I think there's 11:04 you're in private, then I think there's something kind of romantic about that. 11:05 something kind of romantic about that. 11:05 something kind of romantic about that. It's so claming her. And maybe a modern 11:08 It's so claming her. And maybe a modern 11:08 It's so claming her. And maybe a modern version of that is I'm not going to call 11:09 version of that is I'm not going to call 11:10 version of that is I'm not going to call you Dr. Robinson at home. Um because I 11:13 you Dr. Robinson at home. Um because I 11:13 you Dr. Robinson at home. Um because I don't want to. 11:14 don't want to. 11:14 don't want to. >> Lord Lord Robinson. 11:16 >> Lord Lord Robinson. 11:16 >> Lord Lord Robinson. >> Mhm. 11:17 >> Mhm. 11:17 >> Mhm. >> Uhhuh. 11:18 >> Uhhuh. 11:18 >> Uhhuh. >> Sure. 11:19 >> Sure. 11:19 >> Sure. >> But what I was going to say, which was 11:22 >> But what I was going to say, which was 11:22 >> But what I was going to say, which was real and and actually funny, is that I 11:25 real and and actually funny, is that I 11:25 real and and actually funny, is that I do call you husband. 11:27 do call you husband. 11:27 do call you husband. >> Yes, that's true. 11:27 >> Yes, that's true. 11:28 >> Yes, that's true. >> I say husband. 11:29 >> I say husband. 11:29 >> I say husband. >> Right. 11:30 >> Right. 11:30 >> Right. >> Remember that? Yeah. That you got out of 11:31 >> Remember that? Yeah. That you got out of 11:31 >> Remember that? Yeah. That you got out of the suitcase. 11:32 the suitcase. 11:32 the suitcase. >> Yes. 11:34 >> Yes. 11:34 >> Yes. >> Husband. And I'll say wife. Yeah. 11:35 >> Husband. And I'll say wife. Yeah. 11:36 >> Husband. And I'll say wife. Yeah. >> Yeah. So, I I like that 11:38 >> Yeah. So, I I like that 11:38 >> Yeah. So, I I like that >> the kids will say that. 11:40 >> the kids will say that. 11:40 >> the kids will say that. >> The kids will come to me and say, "You 11:42 >> The kids will come to me and say, "You 11:42 >> The kids will come to me and say, "You know, your wife is doing this thing. 11:44 know, your wife is doing this thing. 11:44 know, your wife is doing this thing. Your wife was doing this or your wife 11:45 Your wife was doing this or your wife 11:45 Your wife was doing this or your wife wants you." 11:46 wants you." 11:46 wants you." >> You mean they're tattletailing 11:47 >> You mean they're tattletailing 11:47 >> You mean they're tattletailing >> if they're doing that? Yeah. Right. 11:49 >> if they're doing that? Yeah. Right. 11:49 >> if they're doing that? Yeah. Right. >> I'm often up to no good. 11:52 >> I'm often up to no good. 11:52 >> I'm often up to no good. But yes, I do think claiming claiming 11:54 But yes, I do think claiming claiming 11:54 But yes, I do think claiming claiming each other is important in public and in 11:57 each other is important in public and in 11:57 each other is important in public and in private. Yeah. 12:00 private. Yeah. 12:00 private. Yeah. >> Well, okay. 12:01 >> Well, okay. 12:01 >> Well, okay. >> Oh, you said okay. So, that was my 12:02 >> Oh, you said okay. So, that was my 12:02 >> Oh, you said okay. So, that was my comment about the five people. The 12:04 comment about the five people. The 12:04 comment about the five people. The values I want to mention. 12:10 I understand when you're dating before 12:10 I understand when you're dating before you get married, you think you have 12:11 you get married, you think you have 12:11 you get married, you think you have shared values, but do you actually 12:14 shared values, but do you actually 12:14 shared values, but do you actually discuss them? Do you actually take the 12:16 discuss them? Do you actually take the 12:16 discuss them? Do you actually take the time to write down your values and then 12:19 time to write down your values and then 12:19 time to write down your values and then compare your notes with your partner? If 12:22 compare your notes with your partner? If 12:22 compare your notes with your partner? If this is your forever person, and 12:23 this is your forever person, and 12:23 this is your forever person, and honestly, if it's not your forever 12:24 honestly, if it's not your forever 12:24 honestly, if it's not your forever person, I don't know what you're doing 12:25 person, I don't know what you're doing 12:25 person, I don't know what you're doing dating so long. We've talked about this. 12:27 dating so long. We've talked about this. 12:27 dating so long. We've talked about this. like yes, by all means go out and and 12:30 like yes, by all means go out and and 12:30 like yes, by all means go out and and meet people and have dinner with people, 12:32 meet people and have dinner with people, 12:32 meet people and have dinner with people, but that's not the same thing as 12:33 but that's not the same thing as 12:33 but that's not the same thing as spreading your intimacy, right? That 12:35 spreading your intimacy, right? That 12:35 spreading your intimacy, right? That that goes back to respect, I guess. Um, 12:38 that goes back to respect, I guess. Um, 12:38 that goes back to respect, I guess. Um, but if you think you've met your forever
Conflict, Tolerance, and Resilience 12:41 but if you think you've met your forever 12:41 but if you think you've met your forever person, then you need to compare your 12:44 person, then you need to compare your 12:44 person, then you need to compare your values and you need to think not just 12:45 values and you need to think not just 12:45 values and you need to think not just right now, but for the future. Like, I 12:48 right now, but for the future. Like, I 12:48 right now, but for the future. Like, I know I don't want children right now. I 12:49 know I don't want children right now. I 12:49 know I don't want children right now. I don't want children either. Great. We 12:50 don't want children either. Great. We 12:50 don't want children either. Great. We have that in common, but I'm going to 12:52 have that in common, but I'm going to 12:52 have that in common, but I'm going to want kids. Are you taking that 12:54 want kids. Are you taking that 12:54 want kids. Are you taking that conversation to the next level? And then 12:57 conversation to the next level? And then 12:57 conversation to the next level? And then I'm gonna want kids. Okay, great. Well, 12:58 I'm gonna want kids. Okay, great. Well, 12:58 I'm gonna want kids. Okay, great. Well, when we have kids, what is our hierarchy 13:01 when we have kids, what is our hierarchy 13:01 when we have kids, what is our hierarchy of priority? Is it children first? Well, 13:06 of priority? Is it children first? Well, 13:06 of priority? Is it children first? Well, no. It should never really be children 13:08 no. It should never really be children 13:08 no. It should never really be children first. Their needs need to be met. 13:10 first. Their needs need to be met. 13:10 first. Their needs need to be met. They're their like life needs need to be 13:12 They're their like life needs need to be 13:12 They're their like life needs need to be met. But as far as the energy of the 13:14 met. But as far as the energy of the 13:14 met. But as far as the energy of the relationship, you have to have for us 13:16 relationship, you have to have for us 13:16 relationship, you have to have for us obviously it's God and relationship. 13:20 obviously it's God and relationship. 13:20 obviously it's God and relationship. each other needs to always maintain 13:23 each other needs to always maintain 13:23 each other needs to always maintain the keystone, right? Is that how you say 13:26 the keystone, right? Is that how you say 13:26 the keystone, right? Is that how you say that? The keystone to the relationship 13:29 that? The keystone to the relationship 13:29 that? The keystone to the relationship so that you never flounder or that if 13:31 so that you never flounder or that if 13:32 so that you never flounder or that if you do waver a bit, it's easy to come 13:33 you do waver a bit, it's easy to come 13:33 you do waver a bit, it's easy to come back because you have that strong core, 13:35 back because you have that strong core, 13:35 back because you have that strong core, >> the foundation of it all. 13:37 >> the foundation of it all. 13:37 >> the foundation of it all. >> Yes. 13:39 >> Yes. 13:39 >> Yes. I think um 13:42 I think um 13:42 I think um I think this foundation you mentioned 13:44 I think this foundation you mentioned 13:44 I think this foundation you mentioned God and I think that's those kind of 13:47 God and I think that's those kind of 13:47 God and I think that's those kind of conversations need to be had. uh early 13:49 conversations need to be had. uh early 13:49 conversations need to be had. uh early on there needs to be an understanding of 13:52 on there needs to be an understanding of 13:52 on there needs to be an understanding of how are you going to do that if that is 13:54 how are you going to do that if that is 13:54 how are you going to do that if that is in fact important for you and that's 13:56 in fact important for you and that's 13:56 in fact important for you and that's certainly uh important for us. What's 13:59 certainly uh important for us. What's 13:59 certainly uh important for us. What's interesting about that I I'll say we we 14:01 interesting about that I I'll say we we 14:01 interesting about that I I'll say we we have grown uh in our in our faith uh 14:05 have grown uh in our in our faith uh 14:05 have grown uh in our in our faith uh together um and we always had that 14:08 together um and we always had that 14:08 together um and we always had that foundation. We knew from the very 14:10 foundation. We knew from the very 14:10 foundation. We knew from the very beginning, but it has allowed us to 14:13 beginning, but it has allowed us to 14:14 beginning, but it has allowed us to evolve into our faith independently and 14:16 evolve into our faith independently and 14:16 evolve into our faith independently and definitely 14:17 definitely 14:17 definitely >> as a couple 14:18 >> as a couple 14:18 >> as a couple >> and as parents 14:19 >> and as parents 14:19 >> and as parents >> and as parents and and our influence to 14:21 >> and as parents and and our influence to 14:21 >> and as parents and and our influence to them. Yes. Because we always knew it was 14:23 them. Yes. Because we always knew it was 14:23 them. Yes. Because we always knew it was important to project faith to them, our 14:26 important to project faith to them, our 14:26 important to project faith to them, our faith to them. And then through that 14:28 faith to them. And then through that 14:28 faith to them. And then through that process, it just all became, 14:30 process, it just all became, 14:30 process, it just all became, >> you know, like a familial type of goal 14:34 >> you know, like a familial type of goal 14:34 >> you know, like a familial type of goal for us 14:35 for us 14:35 for us >> and uh it's it's strengthened. It 14:37 >> and uh it's it's strengthened. It 14:37 >> and uh it's it's strengthened. It certainly has uh for me as of late uh 14:39 certainly has uh for me as of late uh 14:39 certainly has uh for me as of late uh really powerfully in in our Lord and 14:41 really powerfully in in our Lord and 14:41 really powerfully in in our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. That is certainly 14:43 Savior Jesus Christ. That is certainly 14:44 Savior Jesus Christ. That is certainly what has strengthened me personally and 14:47 what has strengthened me personally and 14:47 what has strengthened me personally and what's what what's definitely helped us. 14:49 what's what what's definitely helped us. 14:49 what's what what's definitely helped us. Um so 14:50 Um so 14:50 Um so >> you know it's important to mention the 14:52 >> you know it's important to mention the 14:52 >> you know it's important to mention the fact that we have passed on that value 14:53 fact that we have passed on that value 14:53 fact that we have passed on that value of faith and spirituality to our 14:55 of faith and spirituality to our 14:55 of faith and spirituality to our children because one of the conflicts 14:57 children because one of the conflicts 14:57 children because one of the conflicts that couples will often have as they get 15:00 that couples will often have as they get 15:00 that couples will often have as they get deeper into their years together is 15:02 deeper into their years together is 15:02 deeper into their years together is problems related with children. And one 15:05 problems related with children. And one 15:05 problems related with children. And one of the reasons is because parents will 15:06 of the reasons is because parents will 15:06 of the reasons is because parents will obviously love their children, but that 15:08 obviously love their children, but that 15:08 obviously love their children, but that doesn't mean they like them. So it's 15:10 doesn't mean they like them. So it's 15:10 doesn't mean they like them. So it's extremely important. I know Jordan 15:12 extremely important. I know Jordan 15:12 extremely important. I know Jordan Peterson talks about this a lot, right? 15:13 Peterson talks about this a lot, right? 15:13 Peterson talks about this a lot, right? Isn't that the person that you quote 15:15 Isn't that the person that you quote 15:15 Isn't that the person that you quote where they say, I think it's Jordan 15:17 where they say, I think it's Jordan 15:18 where they say, I think it's Jordan Peterson, the idea of you have to like 15:20 Peterson, the idea of you have to like 15:20 Peterson, the idea of you have to like your children. 15:21 your children. 15:22 your children. >> Don't let your kids do anything that 15:23 >> Don't let your kids do anything that 15:23 >> Don't let your kids do anything that makes you not like them, 15:24 makes you not like them, 15:24 makes you not like them, >> right? Because loving them is not going 15:27 >> right? Because loving them is not going 15:27 >> right? Because loving them is not going to 15:28 to 15:28 to >> save conflict in the marriage. You must 15:31 >> save conflict in the marriage. You must 15:31 >> save conflict in the marriage. You must like them. As parents, you must enjoy 15:33 like them. As parents, you must enjoy 15:33 like them. As parents, you must enjoy your children. Otherwise, they really 15:35 your children. Otherwise, they really 15:35 your children. Otherwise, they really can become a great source of stress for 15:37 can become a great source of stress for 15:37 can become a great source of stress for the relationship. And that's that's sad. 15:40 the relationship. And that's that's sad. 15:40 the relationship. And that's that's sad. A lot of people don't want to say those 15:41 A lot of people don't want to say those 15:41 A lot of people don't want to say those things. Those are like those hard truths 15:42 things. Those are like those hard truths 15:42 things. Those are like those hard truths people don't want to talk about. But if 15:44 people don't want to talk about. But if 15:44 people don't want to talk about. But if you're not on the same page as parents 15:45 you're not on the same page as parents 15:45 you're not on the same page as parents and if you're not respecting each other 15:47 and if you're not respecting each other 15:47 and if you're not respecting each other in front of the kids, you will have 15:49 in front of the kids, you will have 15:50 in front of the kids, you will have conflict that will cause an erosion to 15:51 conflict that will cause an erosion to 15:52 conflict that will cause an erosion to the relationship. 15:54 the relationship. 15:54 the relationship. >> That was is that you you with your notes 15:56 >> That was is that you you with your notes 15:56 >> That was is that you you with your notes there? Uh did you cover the third one 15:58 there? Uh did you cover the third one 15:58 there? Uh did you cover the third one before I switch gears? Well, I think it 16:00 before I switch gears? Well, I think it 16:00 before I switch gears? Well, I think it was values and and goals. Well, goals is 16:03 was values and and goals. Well, goals is 16:03 was values and and goals. Well, goals is very important, but you you did mention 16:05 very important, but you you did mention 16:05 very important, but you you did mention that you listed all the goals that we 16:06 that you listed all the goals that we 16:06 that you listed all the goals that we have and the underlying and overlying 16:08 have and the underlying and overlying 16:08 have and the underlying and overlying and overlapping of goals. 16:10 and overlapping of goals. 16:10 and overlapping of goals. >> Yes. 16:11 >> Yes. 16:11 >> Yes. >> Reassess them regularly. 16:12 >> Reassess them regularly. 16:12 >> Reassess them regularly. >> Regularly. Yeah. We do that all we 16:14 >> Regularly. Yeah. We do that all we 16:14 >> Regularly. Yeah. We do that all we certainly do it annually in in a in a 16:17 certainly do it annually in in a in a 16:17 certainly do it annually in in a in a more 16:18 more 16:18 more >> focused traditional uh ceremonial way 16:20 >> focused traditional uh ceremonial way 16:20 >> focused traditional uh ceremonial way the way we do it. 16:21 the way we do it. 16:21 the way we do it. >> And it's important because it's not 16:23 >> And it's important because it's not 16:23 >> And it's important because it's not really about love. Correct. It's not 16:24 really about love. Correct. It's not 16:24 really about love. Correct. It's not love that keeps a relationship together. 16:27 love that keeps a relationship together. 16:27 love that keeps a relationship together. >> Yeah. Love is um love is not enough. 16:29 >> Yeah. Love is um love is not enough. 16:29 >> Yeah. Love is um love is not enough. It's just not enough. It's the spark. 16:32 It's just not enough. It's the spark. 16:32 It's just not enough. It's the spark. It's uh in the end it brings you back. 16:34 It's uh in the end it brings you back. 16:34 It's uh in the end it brings you back. It can um make heal these types of 16:37 It can um make heal these types of 16:37 It can um make heal these types of things. But but the the the mechanism of 16:40 things. But but the the the mechanism of 16:40 things. But but the the the mechanism of it is not just as simple as love. It's 16:43 it is not just as simple as love. It's 16:43 it is not just as simple as love. It's all these other things we're talking 16:44 all these other things we're talking 16:44 all these other things we're talking about. Here's another thing. This is a 16:47 about. Here's another thing. This is a 16:47 about. Here's another thing. This is a a study from Harvard. 724 different 16:50 a study from Harvard. 724 different 16:50 a study from Harvard. 724 different couples who made it past 30 years. And 16:55 couples who made it past 30 years. And 16:55 couples who made it past 30 years. And it wasn't actually love, right? 16:57 it wasn't actually love, right? 16:57 it wasn't actually love, right? >> It wasn't even, dare we say, sex, which
Faith and Spiritual Foundation 17:00 >> It wasn't even, dare we say, sex, which 17:00 >> It wasn't even, dare we say, sex, which is so important for us and what we talk 17:02 is so important for us and what we talk 17:02 is so important for us and what we talk about with our with our patients. Um, 17:04 about with our with our patients. Um, 17:04 about with our with our patients. Um, and it wasn't even necessarily kids that 17:07 and it wasn't even necessarily kids that 17:07 and it wasn't even necessarily kids that that is the only glue for them. Um, I 17:10 that is the only glue for them. Um, I 17:10 that is the only glue for them. Um, I want to say though, I want to before we 17:11 want to say though, I want to before we 17:11 want to say though, I want to before we actually reveal what it uh mainly was, 17:14 actually reveal what it uh mainly was, 17:14 actually reveal what it uh mainly was, um, you know, sex, intimacy is extremely 17:17 um, you know, sex, intimacy is extremely 17:17 um, you know, sex, intimacy is extremely important. I think it's important to say 17:19 important. I think it's important to say 17:19 important. I think it's important to say that what intimacy actually means 17:22 that what intimacy actually means 17:22 that what intimacy actually means because it's beyond just simply sex or 17:24 because it's beyond just simply sex or 17:24 because it's beyond just simply sex or we just talk about penetration only when 17:26 we just talk about penetration only when 17:26 we just talk about penetration only when people think of the word sex. It is 17:28 people think of the word sex. It is 17:28 people think of the word sex. It is about sexuality with your partner and 17:31 about sexuality with your partner and 17:31 about sexuality with your partner and sharing those things. Um and that can 17:33 sharing those things. Um and that can 17:33 sharing those things. Um and that can have all kinds of mental, emotional and 17:36 have all kinds of mental, emotional and 17:36 have all kinds of mental, emotional and spiritual implications of what intimacy 17:38 spiritual implications of what intimacy 17:38 spiritual implications of what intimacy means. That's what needs to be 17:40 means. That's what needs to be 17:40 means. That's what needs to be maintained. Now that is what's actually 17:42 maintained. Now that is what's actually 17:42 maintained. Now that is what's actually in the research been more important than 17:45 in the research been more important than 17:45 in the research been more important than penetrative sex. think it kind of 17:47 penetrative sex. think it kind of 17:47 penetrative sex. think it kind of because real intimacy transcends age and 17:52 because real intimacy transcends age and 17:52 because real intimacy transcends age and >> in many cases disease processes right so 17:54 >> in many cases disease processes right so 17:54 >> in many cases disease processes right so if you're maintaining intimacy in 17:56 if you're maintaining intimacy in 17:56 if you're maintaining intimacy in whatever form and it should include some 17:59 whatever form and it should include some 17:59 whatever form and it should include some form of physical intimacy that could be 18:01 form of physical intimacy that could be 18:02 form of physical intimacy that could be just snuggling together I mean the 18:03 just snuggling together I mean the 18:03 just snuggling together I mean the statistics about healthy relationships 18:06 statistics about healthy relationships 18:06 statistics about healthy relationships when people snuggle together in bed is 18:08 when people snuggle together in bed is 18:08 when people snuggle together in bed is like really 18:09 like really 18:09 like really >> spooning 18:09 >> spooning 18:09 >> spooning >> really amazing um so yes so intimacy but 18:12 >> really amazing um so yes so intimacy but 18:12 >> really amazing um so yes so intimacy but intimacy is not the answer the answer is 18:14 intimacy is not the answer the answer is 18:14 intimacy is not the answer the answer is >> that well so that's the the asterk we 18:17 >> that well so that's the the asterk we 18:17 >> that well so that's the the asterk we always, you know, as the sex docks and 18:18 always, you know, as the sex docks and 18:18 always, you know, as the sex docks and and how important we think that is. Uh 18:20 and how important we think that is. Uh 18:20 and how important we think that is. Uh that's our asterct. But what really it 18:22 that's our asterct. But what really it 18:22 that's our asterct. But what really it is, it's the ability to ultimately 18:25 is, it's the ability to ultimately 18:25 is, it's the ability to ultimately tolerate those same things in each other 18:28 tolerate those same things in each other 18:28 tolerate those same things in each other over and over again. 18:29 over and over again. 18:29 over and over again. >> I know. Which is so funny. How 18:30 >> I know. Which is so funny. How 18:30 >> I know. Which is so funny. How anti-romantic is that? What's the secret 18:32 anti-romantic is that? What's the secret 18:32 anti-romantic is that? What's the secret to a long marriage? Tolerance. 18:34 to a long marriage? Tolerance. 18:34 to a long marriage? Tolerance. >> Yeah. Right. Right. 18:35 >> Yeah. Right. Right. 18:35 >> Yeah. Right. Right. >> But but yes, 18:36 >> But but yes, 18:36 >> But but yes, >> like marathon runner. You got to be a 18:37 >> like marathon runner. You got to be a 18:38 >> like marathon runner. You got to be a marathon runner. 18:38 marathon runner. 18:38 marathon runner. >> Yeah. That exactly. And what is the key 18:40 >> Yeah. That exactly. And what is the key 18:40 >> Yeah. That exactly. And what is the key to being a marathon runner? It's not 18:42 to being a marathon runner? It's not 18:42 to being a marathon runner? It's not training. It's your mindset. So actually 18:45 training. It's your mindset. So actually 18:45 training. It's your mindset. So actually that is so romantic. The ability to say 18:48 that is so romantic. The ability to say 18:48 that is so romantic. The ability to say I have the power within my mind to value 18:51 I have the power within my mind to value 18:51 I have the power within my mind to value this relationship above how freaking 18:54 this relationship above how freaking 18:54 this relationship above how freaking annoying you can be. 18:56 annoying you can be. 18:56 annoying you can be. >> That's powerful. 18:57 >> That's powerful. 18:57 >> That's powerful. >> I'm sorry. You're saying I can be 18:59 >> I'm sorry. You're saying I can be 18:59 >> I'm sorry. You're saying I can be annoying. Is that what you're saying? 18:59 annoying. Is that what you're saying? 19:00 annoying. Is that what you're saying? >> I was speaking like in third person. 19:03 >> I was speaking like in third person. 19:03 >> I was speaking like in third person. >> No, really. I was. Although yes, 19:06 >> No, really. I was. Although yes, 19:06 >> No, really. I was. Although yes, >> I can be. 19:06 >> I can be. 19:06 >> I can be. >> Yeah. 19:08 >> Yeah. 19:08 >> Yeah. >> And And so how do you get past it? 19:09 >> And And so how do you get past it? 19:10 >> And And so how do you get past it? You're just like, I'm the marathon 19:11 You're just like, I'm the marathon 19:11 You're just like, I'm the marathon runner. get past this guy's no 19:13 runner. get past this guy's no 19:13 runner. get past this guy's no >> annoyancy. 19:14 >> annoyancy. 19:14 >> annoyancy. >> Annoyance. 19:14 >> Annoyance. 19:14 >> Annoyance. >> I remind myself 19:17 >> I remind myself 19:18 >> I remind myself the value of my relationship with you. 19:22 the value of my relationship with you. 19:22 the value of my relationship with you. So, what does that mean? Because that 19:23 So, what does that mean? Because that 19:23 So, what does that mean? Because that doesn't sound very sweet, but actually 19:24 doesn't sound very sweet, but actually 19:24 doesn't sound very sweet, but actually it is. If you're just saying, I remind 19:28 it is. If you're just saying, I remind 19:28 it is. If you're just saying, I remind myself I love you. But no, that's not 19:31 myself I love you. But no, that's not 19:31 myself I love you. But no, that's not enough to get people past irritation. 19:33 enough to get people past irritation. 19:34 enough to get people past irritation. It's about the mindset that is this 19:36 It's about the mindset that is this 19:36 It's about the mindset that is this really as irritating as it is beneficial 19:39 really as irritating as it is beneficial 19:39 really as irritating as it is beneficial and wonderful and good and vital and 19:42 and wonderful and good and vital and 19:42 and wonderful and good and vital and strong. I mean insert whatever word 19:44 strong. I mean insert whatever word 19:44 strong. I mean insert whatever word matters to you. That's how you get past 19:46 matters to you. That's how you get past 19:46 matters to you. That's how you get past an irritation. 19:48 an irritation. 19:48 an irritation. >> The couples who divorced in this 19:50 >> The couples who divorced in this 19:50 >> The couples who divorced in this particular study, these 724 couples, 19:53 particular study, these 724 couples, 19:53 particular study, these 724 couples, they were thinking like, well, yes, this 19:55 they were thinking like, well, yes, this 19:55 they were thinking like, well, yes, this this habit drives me crazy, so I'm out. 19:59 this habit drives me crazy, so I'm out. 19:59 this habit drives me crazy, so I'm out. That it wasn't enough. they uh they 20:01 That it wasn't enough. they uh they 20:01 That it wasn't enough. they uh they couldn't get past all 20:03 couldn't get past all 20:03 couldn't get past all >> and they had these like fantasies of 20:04 >> and they had these like fantasies of 20:04 >> and they had these like fantasies of changing the person. 20:07 changing the person. 20:07 changing the person. So that's a big issue. You cannot find a 20:12 So that's a big issue. You cannot find a 20:12 So that's a big issue. You cannot find a habit in in your in your husband or wife 20:15 habit in in your in your husband or wife 20:16 habit in in your in your husband or wife that annoys you and maintain the idea 20:18 that annoys you and maintain the idea 20:18 that annoys you and maintain the idea that you're going to change them. That 20:22 that you're going to change them. That 20:22 that you're going to change them. That is not correct. You can hope to inspire. 20:25 is not correct. You can hope to inspire. 20:25 is not correct. You can hope to inspire. You can provide good communication. You 20:28 You can provide good communication. You 20:28 You can provide good communication. You can express your irritations, but you 20:30 can express your irritations, but you 20:30 can express your irritations, but you must be okay with the person as they 20:33 must be okay with the person as they 20:33 must be okay with the person as they are. Do not marry someone that has 20:35 are. Do not marry someone that has 20:35 are. Do not marry someone that has things that bother you already if you 20:37 things that bother you already if you 20:37 things that bother you already if you don't think you can live with it. 20:38 don't think you can live with it. 20:38 don't think you can live with it. >> Yeah. You know, um we talk a lot about 20:43 >> Yeah. You know, um we talk a lot about 20:43 >> Yeah. You know, um we talk a lot about stress resilience. 20:45 stress resilience. 20:45 stress resilience. We talk about that in relationship to 20:46 We talk about that in relationship to 20:46 We talk about that in relationship to hormonal balances uh or imbalances that 20:50 hormonal balances uh or imbalances that 20:50 hormonal balances uh or imbalances that cause us to not have stress resilience. 20:53 cause us to not have stress resilience. 20:53 cause us to not have stress resilience. And that in fact is uh one of the key 20:56 And that in fact is uh one of the key 20:56 And that in fact is uh one of the key skill sets that couples will have. They 20:58 skill sets that couples will have. They 20:58 skill sets that couples will have. They generally have stress resilience as it
Choosing the Right Partner 21:01 generally have stress resilience as it 21:01 generally have stress resilience as it relates to their resilience within 21:03 relates to their resilience within 21:03 relates to their resilience within resiliency within the relationship 21:06 resiliency within the relationship 21:06 resiliency within the relationship itself. Um so I think that that's 21:08 itself. Um so I think that that's 21:08 itself. Um so I think that that's actually and this was again part of the 21:09 actually and this was again part of the 21:10 actually and this was again part of the study. Um they they have a quick 21:12 study. Um they they have a quick 21:12 study. Um they they have a quick emotional recovery 21:14 emotional recovery 21:14 emotional recovery um to whatever the conflict was. So it's 21:17 um to whatever the conflict was. So it's 21:17 um to whatever the conflict was. So it's how they're dealing with conflict that's 21:19 how they're dealing with conflict that's 21:19 how they're dealing with conflict that's so important. And we've practiced that. 21:21 so important. And we've practiced that. 21:21 so important. And we've practiced that. we we continue to um practice what are 21:25 we we continue to um practice what are 21:25 we we continue to um practice what are the I don't know rules of conflict um as 21:29 the I don't know rules of conflict um as 21:29 the I don't know rules of conflict um as we move through it and we're always 21:30 we move through it and we're always 21:30 we move through it and we're always tweaking and making it better and 21:32 tweaking and making it better and 21:32 tweaking and making it better and >> and you're so good at this because um 21:37 >> and you're so good at this because um 21:37 >> and you're so good at this because um you know I'm not conflict avoidant 21:41 you know I'm not conflict avoidant 21:41 you know I'm not conflict avoidant >> you are the bull 21:42 >> you are the bull 21:42 >> you are the bull >> I am not I'm very like 21:46 >> I am not I'm very like 21:46 >> I am not I'm very like I even though I'm saying oh something 21:47 I even though I'm saying oh something 21:48 I even though I'm saying oh something that bothers me and then I just look at 21:49 that bothers me and then I just look at 21:49 that bothers me and then I just look at you and you know I'm filled with with 21:51 you and you know I'm filled with with 21:51 you and you know I'm filled with with conviction and that is true but the 21:53 conviction and that is true but the 21:53 conviction and that is true but the reality is that I I you know it can be 21:55 reality is that I I you know it can be 21:55 reality is that I I you know it can be very like poke the bear poke the bear so 21:57 very like poke the bear poke the bear so 21:58 very like poke the bear poke the bear so what this means is you have you have 22:01 what this means is you have you have 22:01 what this means is you have you have really guided this notion of healthy 22:03 really guided this notion of healthy 22:03 really guided this notion of healthy conflict resolution right you recognize 22:07 conflict resolution right you recognize 22:07 conflict resolution right you recognize it's not good because it isn't good to 22:09 it's not good because it isn't good to 22:09 it's not good because it isn't good to avoid conflict right isn't that that's 22:11 avoid conflict right isn't that that's 22:11 avoid conflict right isn't that that's one of the other things people who don't 22:13 one of the other things people who don't 22:13 one of the other things people who don't talk about the problem don't do well 22:14 talk about the problem don't do well 22:14 talk about the problem don't do well >> either away from it they shut down yeah 22:17 >> either away from it they shut down yeah 22:17 >> either away from it they shut down yeah >> but you're really good at saying okay 22:19 >> but you're really good at saying okay 22:19 >> but you're really good at saying okay we're going to talk about this then how 22:21 we're going to talk about this then how 22:21 we're going to talk about this then how are we going to talk about it? And let's 22:22 are we going to talk about it? And let's 22:22 are we going to talk about it? And let's put limits. Let's put limits to what the 22:25 put limits. Let's put limits to what the 22:25 put limits. Let's put limits to what the conversation is going to look like. It 22:27 conversation is going to look like. It 22:27 conversation is going to look like. It can't be this thing that we just beat it 22:29 can't be this thing that we just beat it 22:29 can't be this thing that we just beat it beat over and over again. And you've 22:30 beat over and over again. And you've 22:30 beat over and over again. And you've really taught me that notion of um how 22:33 really taught me that notion of um how 22:34 really taught me that notion of um how sometimes a person gets stuck in a 22:35 sometimes a person gets stuck in a 22:35 sometimes a person gets stuck in a pattern of conflict just because it 22:37 pattern of conflict just because it 22:37 pattern of conflict just because it gives you an emotional high. 22:38 gives you an emotional high. 22:38 gives you an emotional high. >> Yes. 22:39 >> Yes. 22:39 >> Yes. >> You know, arguing, especially for women, 22:41 >> You know, arguing, especially for women, 22:41 >> You know, arguing, especially for women, makes them feel connected. 22:42 makes them feel connected. 22:42 makes them feel connected. >> And I think it'd be for guys. I I'll 22:45 >> And I think it'd be for guys. I I'll 22:45 >> And I think it'd be for guys. I I'll I'll share something here. Early on in 22:48 I'll share something here. Early on in 22:48 I'll share something here. Early on in our relationship, we would have 22:52 our relationship, we would have 22:52 our relationship, we would have I we could have a three or four hour 22:54 I we could have a three or four hour 22:54 I we could have a three or four hour discussion 22:55 discussion 22:55 discussion >> and it was like nothing. 22:57 >> and it was like nothing. 22:57 >> and it was like nothing. >> Yeah. It would just be like go on and on 22:59 >> Yeah. It would just be like go on and on 22:59 >> Yeah. It would just be like go on and on and on and into the night and it you 23:01 and on and into the night and it you 23:01 and on and into the night and it you know they look at the clock and like how 23:03 know they look at the clock and like how 23:03 know they look at the clock and like how the hell are we here? Uh yeah, we uh 23:05 the hell are we here? Uh yeah, we uh 23:05 the hell are we here? Uh yeah, we uh it's not to say that we don't have long 23:07 it's not to say that we don't have long 23:07 it's not to say that we don't have long discussions, but we we've certainly 23:09 discussions, but we we've certainly 23:09 discussions, but we we've certainly >> those are like intense discussions. 23:10 >> those are like intense discussions. 23:10 >> those are like intense discussions. >> Yeah, we or it would just it would be 23:12 >> Yeah, we or it would just it would be 23:12 >> Yeah, we or it would just it would be repetitive. 23:12 repetitive. 23:12 repetitive. >> It would be repetitive. There was no 23:13 >> It would be repetitive. There was no 23:14 >> It would be repetitive. There was no resolution. Yeah, it was just, you know, 23:15 resolution. Yeah, it was just, you know, 23:15 resolution. Yeah, it was just, you know, and there was a certain high we were 23:17 and there was a certain high we were 23:17 and there was a certain high we were getting out of it and obviously there 23:19 getting out of it and obviously there 23:19 getting out of it and obviously there was always this passion and this love 23:20 was always this passion and this love 23:20 was always this passion and this love and all of this that was going on with 23:22 and all of this that was going on with 23:22 and all of this that was going on with it. So, 23:23 it. So, 23:23 it. So, >> it always seemed worth it, 23:25 >> it always seemed worth it, 23:25 >> it always seemed worth it, >> right? 23:25 >> right? 23:25 >> right? >> But now, 23:26 >> But now, 23:26 >> But now, >> and it was, but we've also matured. So, 23:29 >> and it was, but we've also matured. So, 23:29 >> and it was, but we've also matured. So, hopefully what what our listeners 23:30 hopefully what what our listeners 23:30 hopefully what what our listeners >> Well, it was, but not the a 4-hour 23:32 >> Well, it was, but not the a 4-hour 23:32 >> Well, it was, but not the a 4-hour discussion about, you know, the 23:33 discussion about, you know, the 23:33 discussion about, you know, the toothpaste cap, you know, off the 23:35 toothpaste cap, you know, off the 23:35 toothpaste cap, you know, off the toothpaste tube. 23:35 toothpaste tube. 23:35 toothpaste tube. >> It was, but yeah. 23:37 >> It was, but yeah. 23:38 >> It was, but yeah. >> Okay. 23:38 >> Okay. 23:38 >> Okay. >> Okay. 23:38 >> Okay. 23:38 >> Okay. >> All right. 23:40 >> All right. 23:40 >> All right. It was not my memory on some of those 23:42 It was not my memory on some of those 23:42 It was not my memory on some of those 4-hour discussions. But anyway, uh yes, 23:45 4-hour discussions. But anyway, uh yes, 23:45 4-hour discussions. But anyway, uh yes, uh we we we've learned to put uh 23:47 uh we we we've learned to put uh 23:47 uh we we we've learned to put uh together. I mean, you know, and thanks 23:48 together. I mean, you know, and thanks 23:48 together. I mean, you know, and thanks for giving me some level of credit with 23:50 for giving me some level of credit with 23:50 for giving me some level of credit with that, but it was both of us coming up 23:51 that, but it was both of us coming up 23:52 that, but it was both of us coming up and agreeing and being sensible and 23:54 and agreeing and being sensible and 23:54 and agreeing and being sensible and reasonable even in the midst of our 23:55 reasonable even in the midst of our 23:55 reasonable even in the midst of our passion no matter. 23:57 passion no matter. 23:57 passion no matter. >> Yeah. I mean, look, I always say to our 23:59 >> Yeah. I mean, look, I always say to our 23:59 >> Yeah. I mean, look, I always say to our kids, probably something else I learned 24:00 kids, probably something else I learned 24:00 kids, probably something else I learned from my parents, like, learn from my 24:02 from my parents, like, learn from my 24:02 from my parents, like, learn from my mistakes. Go ahead and make new ones. 24:04 mistakes. Go ahead and make new ones. 24:04 mistakes. Go ahead and make new ones. Like, don't trip over the same stone I 24:05 Like, don't trip over the same stone I 24:05 Like, don't trip over the same stone I tripped. I'm telling you this is a this 24:08 tripped. I'm telling you this is a this 24:08 tripped. I'm telling you this is a this is something we didn't do right. So as 24:10 is something we didn't do right. So as 24:10 is something we didn't do right. So as the listener by all means make 24:11 the listener by all means make 24:11 the listener by all means make >> do as I say and not as I do. 24:12 >> do as I say and not as I do. 24:12 >> do as I say and not as I do. >> Yeah. Well, okay. That's not my point. 24:14 >> Yeah. Well, okay. That's not my point. 24:14 >> Yeah. Well, okay. That's not my point. My point is saying that to the listener 24:16 My point is saying that to the listener 24:16 My point is saying that to the listener here's something we've learned and it's 24:19 here's something we've learned and it's 24:19 here's something we've learned and it's resulted in 22 very productive and for 24:21 resulted in 22 very productive and for 24:21 resulted in 22 very productive and for in our case very joyfilled years. Um by 24:24 in our case very joyfilled years. Um by 24:24 in our case very joyfilled years. Um by all means make your own mistakes but try 24:26 all means make your own mistakes but try 24:26 all means make your own mistakes but try not to make this one because it's silly. 24:28 not to make this one because it's silly. 24:28 not to make this one because it's silly. Those long conversations,
Practical Takeaways for Long-Term Love 24:31 Those long conversations, 24:31 Those long conversations, maybe they gave us a high, but they 24:34 maybe they gave us a high, but they 24:34 maybe they gave us a high, but they exhausted us. And I do think people that 24:37 exhausted us. And I do think people that 24:37 exhausted us. And I do think people that can't break the pattern of excessive 24:39 can't break the pattern of excessive 24:39 can't break the pattern of excessive discussion without fruit just get tired. 24:43 discussion without fruit just get tired. 24:43 discussion without fruit just get tired. They get tired, they get worn out, and 24:44 They get tired, they get worn out, and 24:44 They get tired, they get worn out, and it becomes unfun. 24:46 it becomes unfun. 24:46 it becomes unfun. >> So what we've done is we've matured in 24:48 >> So what we've done is we've matured in 24:48 >> So what we've done is we've matured in the nature of our conversations. We 24:50 the nature of our conversations. We 24:50 the nature of our conversations. We don't avoid them, but we also remember 24:53 don't avoid them, but we also remember 24:53 don't avoid them, but we also remember that there must be a purpose. There must 24:55 that there must be a purpose. There must 24:55 that there must be a purpose. There must be fruit at the end of the discussion. 24:57 be fruit at the end of the discussion. 24:57 be fruit at the end of the discussion. And if we cannot agree on fruit, then 24:59 And if we cannot agree on fruit, then 24:59 And if we cannot agree on fruit, then we've gotten better at saying, okay, 25:01 we've gotten better at saying, okay, 25:01 we've gotten better at saying, okay, well, if we don't agree, then what at 25:03 well, if we don't agree, then what at 25:03 well, if we don't agree, then what at least are the parameters with respect so 25:05 least are the parameters with respect so 25:05 least are the parameters with respect so that we can move forward. That's wow, 25:07 that we can move forward. That's wow, 25:07 that we can move forward. That's wow, that's a great point and a segue to some 25:09 that's a great point and a segue to some 25:09 that's a great point and a segue to some of the other aspects of this study. Um, 25:12 of the other aspects of this study. Um, 25:12 of the other aspects of this study. Um, yes. Uh, the the strongest couples were 25:15 yes. Uh, the the strongest couples were 25:15 yes. Uh, the the strongest couples were not bonded by we have everything in 25:17 not bonded by we have everything in 25:17 not bonded by we have everything in common. They're bonded by we face the 25:20 common. They're bonded by we face the 25:20 common. They're bonded by we face the world together. So, yeah, we don't have 25:21 world together. So, yeah, we don't have 25:21 world together. So, yeah, we don't have to agree on everything. Um and 25:24 to agree on everything. Um and 25:24 to agree on everything. Um and everything's like this perfect kind of 25:26 everything's like this perfect kind of 25:26 everything's like this perfect kind of commonality. Yeah. It's just that we're 25:28 commonality. Yeah. It's just that we're 25:28 commonality. Yeah. It's just that we're going to nonetheless hold hands together 25:31 going to nonetheless hold hands together 25:31 going to nonetheless hold hands together as we move forward. 25:32 as we move forward. 25:32 as we move forward. >> Yeah. And you know, one of the ways that 25:34 >> Yeah. And you know, one of the ways that 25:34 >> Yeah. And you know, one of the ways that couples successfully move forward in 25:36 couples successfully move forward in 25:36 couples successfully move forward in disagreements is by having a sense of 25:38 disagreements is by having a sense of 25:38 disagreements is by having a sense of roles. We were watching the old Ann of 25:41 roles. We were watching the old Ann of 25:41 roles. We were watching the old Ann of Green Gables. 25:42 Green Gables. 25:42 Green Gables. >> Yeah. The one from the 80s. 25:44 >> Yeah. The one from the 80s. 25:44 >> Yeah. The one from the 80s. >> Yeah. Which is so good. 25:45 >> Yeah. Which is so good. 25:45 >> Yeah. Which is so good. >> So much better than the normal one. 25:47 >> So much better than the normal one. 25:47 >> So much better than the normal one. >> Yeah. Unfortunately, that like the Ann 25:49 >> Yeah. Unfortunately, that like the Ann 25:49 >> Yeah. Unfortunately, that like the Ann with an E. started off good and then 25:50 with an E. started off good and then 25:50 with an E. started off good and then anyway, but the old one was was was 25:52 anyway, but the old one was was was 25:52 anyway, but the old one was was was really cute. Now, um the the Cuthberts, 25:56 really cute. Now, um the the Cuthberts, 25:56 really cute. Now, um the the Cuthberts, was that their name? Cuthberts. Yeah. 25:57 was that their name? Cuthberts. Yeah. 25:57 was that their name? Cuthberts. Yeah. So, they weren't married. They were they 25:59 So, they weren't married. They were they 26:00 So, they weren't married. They were they were brother and sister, but 26:03 were brother and sister, but 26:03 were brother and sister, but >> the aunt would say or the female would 26:05 >> the aunt would say or the female would 26:05 >> the aunt would say or the female would say, "Remember, we agreed 26:08 say, "Remember, we agreed 26:08 say, "Remember, we agreed >> that I was in charge of this domain." 26:12 >> that I was in charge of this domain." 26:12 >> that I was in charge of this domain." >> Right? So, her brother would still give 26:14 >> Right? So, her brother would still give 26:14 >> Right? So, her brother would still give his opinions. In this case, it was about 26:16 his opinions. In this case, it was about 26:16 his opinions. In this case, it was about the girl, the an he would still give his 26:18 the girl, the an he would still give his 26:18 the girl, the an he would still give his opinions, but but because they had a 26:20 opinions, but but because they had a 26:20 opinions, but but because they had a clear sense of duties and roles and 26:22 clear sense of duties and roles and 26:22 clear sense of duties and roles and domain, they would defer to what the 26:25 domain, they would defer to what the 26:25 domain, they would defer to what the aunt felt. And usually because the aunt 26:27 aunt felt. And usually because the aunt 26:27 aunt felt. And usually because the aunt so greatly respected her brother's 26:29 so greatly respected her brother's 26:29 so greatly respected her brother's opinion, she would of course take his 26:31 opinion, she would of course take his 26:31 opinion, she would of course take his words into consideration and find that 26:33 words into consideration and find that 26:34 words into consideration and find that she would change her stance. But I think 26:36 she would change her stance. But I think 26:36 she would change her stance. But I think that's something we've done very well. 26:38 that's something we've done very well. 26:38 that's something we've done very well. Much like in a business, who's in charge 26:40 Much like in a business, who's in charge 26:40 Much like in a business, who's in charge of what? Because you can't micromanage 26:43 of what? Because you can't micromanage 26:43 of what? Because you can't micromanage each other. That that's no good. But you 26:45 each other. That that's no good. But you 26:45 each other. That that's no good. But you must and you must give each other a 26:47 must and you must give each other a 26:47 must and you must give each other a respectful word. So if I'm in charge of 26:49 respectful word. So if I'm in charge of 26:49 respectful word. So if I'm in charge of X, Y, and Z and you're in charge of ABC, 26:51 X, Y, and Z and you're in charge of ABC, 26:51 X, Y, and Z and you're in charge of ABC, then we do through accordance and 26:54 then we do through accordance and 26:54 then we do through accordance and through agreement defer to each other. 26:57 through agreement defer to each other. 26:58 through agreement defer to each other. >> Not everybody can uh do that. Uh but 27:00 >> Not everybody can uh do that. Uh but 27:00 >> Not everybody can uh do that. Uh but that's certainly 27:02 that's certainly 27:02 that's certainly a big big part of all of this. Um 27:06 a big big part of all of this. Um 27:06 a big big part of all of this. Um Oh yeah, that's what I was going to say 27:08 Oh yeah, that's what I was going to say 27:08 Oh yeah, that's what I was going to say that it's a it's a shared it's a shared 27:11 that it's a it's a shared it's a shared 27:11 that it's a it's a shared it's a shared goal. there's or or not just goal. We 27:14 goal. there's or or not just goal. We 27:14 goal. there's or or not just goal. We keep talking about shared struggle 27:16 keep talking about shared struggle 27:16 keep talking about shared struggle >> because whether 27:17 >> because whether 27:18 >> because whether >> you're saying longevity 27:19 >> you're saying longevity 27:19 >> you're saying longevity >> that the longevity in that relationship 27:21 >> that the longevity in that relationship 27:21 >> that the longevity in that relationship is based on meaning that underlying 27:23 is based on meaning that underlying 27:23 is based on meaning that underlying thing to be able to agree on and have 27:25 thing to be able to agree on and have 27:25 thing to be able to agree on and have parameters and these types of things 27:27 parameters and these types of things 27:27 parameters and these types of things roles whatever is based on some kind of 27:30 roles whatever is based on some kind of 27:30 roles whatever is based on some kind of struggle. So uh I mean that can happen 27:32 struggle. So uh I mean that can happen 27:32 struggle. So uh I mean that can happen in any relationship. Um if there's 27:35 in any relationship. Um if there's 27:35 in any relationship. Um if there's struggle you it can actually really 27:37 struggle you it can actually really 27:37 struggle you it can actually really really bring it can break you or it can 27:38 really bring it can break you or it can 27:38 really bring it can break you or it can bring you together. But we have found 27:40 bring you together. But we have found 27:40 bring you together. But we have found that we actually move ourselves into 27:42 that we actually move ourselves into 27:42 that we actually move ourselves into struggle. Um whether certainly we can 27:44 struggle. Um whether certainly we can 27:44 struggle. Um whether certainly we can say that regarding business. I mean 27:46 say that regarding business. I mean 27:46 say that regarding business. I mean we've done so many things from a 27:47 we've done so many things from a 27:47 we've done so many things from a business standpoint that definitely uh 27:50 business standpoint that definitely uh 27:50 business standpoint that definitely uh wasn't or isn't easy. Um but it's what 27:53 wasn't or isn't easy. Um but it's what 27:53 wasn't or isn't easy. Um but it's what brings us together for this common 27:55 brings us together for this common 27:55 brings us together for this common thing. 27:56 thing. 27:56 thing. >> Um how do we continue to succeed through 27:59 >> Um how do we continue to succeed through 27:59 >> Um how do we continue to succeed through that? And that strengthens our 28:00 that? And that strengthens our 28:00 that? And that strengthens our relationship as 28:01 relationship as 28:01 relationship as >> I have I have um you know one of my dear 28:04 >> I have I have um you know one of my dear 28:04 >> I have I have um you know one of my dear friends I would say who has had a um a 28:08 friends I would say who has had a um a 28:08 friends I would say who has had a um a child with health concerns and and I 28:10 child with health concerns and and I 28:10 child with health concerns and and I have so greatly admired and been really 28:14 have so greatly admired and been really 28:14 have so greatly admired and been really impressed at how that challenge has 28:18 impressed at how that challenge has 28:18 impressed at how that challenge has brought that relationship closer and 28:20 brought that relationship closer and 28:20 brought that relationship closer and tighter and and it's like they are 28:23 tighter and and it's like they are 28:23 tighter and and it's like they are fortified 28:25 fortified 28:25 fortified >> because they have struggled through this 28:28 >> because they have struggled through this 28:28 >> because they have struggled through this together with great companionship. And 28:32 together with great companionship. And 28:32 together with great companionship. And that that's important to recognize 28:34 that that's important to recognize 28:34 that that's important to recognize because longevity is not dependent on 28:38 because longevity is not dependent on 28:38 because longevity is not dependent on ease. The path doesn't have to be easy 28:40 ease. The path doesn't have to be easy 28:40 ease. The path doesn't have to be easy for it to be successful and loving, 28:45 for it to be successful and loving, 28:45 for it to be successful and loving, right? 28:46 right? 28:46 right? >> How do you think um how do you think 28:49 >> How do you think um how do you think 28:49 >> How do you think um how do you think faith plays a role with longevity in 28:54 faith plays a role with longevity in 28:54 faith plays a role with longevity in relationships? 28:56 relationships? 28:56 relationships? I was reading something about that, 28:58 I was reading something about that, 28:58 I was reading something about that, John. I was reading about 29:00 John. I was reading about 29:00 John. I was reading about happiness versus joy. I have to go back 29:03 happiness versus joy. I have to go back 29:03 happiness versus joy. I have to go back and read it and understand a little bit 29:05 and read it and understand a little bit 29:05 and read it and understand a little bit better. 29:07 better. 29:07 better. But essentially the the person was 29:09 But essentially the the person was 29:09 But essentially the the person was talking about a life of struggles 29:12 talking about a life of struggles 29:12 talking about a life of struggles and 29:14 and 29:14 and the the interchange between the the the 29:16 the the interchange between the the the 29:16 the the interchange between the the the two people talking they were saying 29:19 two people talking they were saying 29:19 two people talking they were saying through prayer 29:21 through prayer 29:21 through prayer through prayer 29:24 through prayer 29:24 through prayer they have been able to find purpose and 29:28 they have been able to find purpose and 29:28 they have been able to find purpose and joy in their life even in the midst of 29:32 joy in their life even in the midst of 29:32 joy in their life even in the midst of sadness. 29:34 sadness. 29:34 sadness. And I thought, yeah, I again that's 29:36 And I thought, yeah, I again that's 29:36 And I thought, yeah, I again that's that's I mean for us it's obviously one 29:38 that's I mean for us it's obviously one 29:38 that's I mean for us it's obviously one of our biggest tools, right? But it's 29:39 of our biggest tools, right? But it's 29:39 of our biggest tools, right? But it's it's one of the tools where you need to 29:42 it's one of the tools where you need to 29:42 it's one of the tools where you need to you need to be aligned on a bigger 29:44 you need to be aligned on a bigger 29:44 you need to be aligned on a bigger picture so that you can get through your 29:46 picture so that you can get through your 29:46 picture so that you can get through your trials and tribulations. 29:48 trials and tribulations. 29:48 trials and tribulations. >> I have found one of the biggest gifts is 29:51 >> I have found one of the biggest gifts is 29:51 >> I have found one of the biggest gifts is being able to pray with you. Pray with 29:54 being able to pray with you. Pray with 29:54 being able to pray with you. Pray with you. Pray next to you 29:58 you. Pray next to you 29:58 you. Pray next to you with me praying what I'm praying and 29:59 with me praying what I'm praying and 30:00 with me praying what I'm praying and you're praying what you're praying. 30:01 you're praying what you're praying. 30:01 you're praying what you're praying. being in the presence of one another in 30:03 being in the presence of one another in 30:03 being in the presence of one another in the midst of prayer has been um 30:07 the midst of prayer has been um 30:07 the midst of prayer has been um transformative. I think I think it it 30:09 transformative. I think I think it it 30:10 transformative. I think I think it it there's a special bonding that has 30:12 there's a special bonding that has 30:12 there's a special bonding that has occurred through that process. I'm still 30:15 occurred through that process. I'm still 30:15 occurred through that process. I'm still trying to figure it out. You know, the 30:16 trying to figure it out. You know, the 30:16 trying to figure it out. You know, the mystery of faith, the mystery of all of 30:18 mystery of faith, the mystery of all of 30:18 mystery of faith, the mystery of all of this. I'm still trying to figure it out. 30:19 this. I'm still trying to figure it out. 30:19 this. I'm still trying to figure it out. I don't know if I ever will, but I know 30:21 I don't know if I ever will, but I know 30:21 I don't know if I ever will, but I know that there's something that solidifies 30:23 that there's something that solidifies 30:23 that there's something that solidifies things for me. It motivates me um 30:27 things for me. It motivates me um 30:27 things for me. It motivates me um regarding our relationship. It just it's 30:30 regarding our relationship. It just it's 30:30 regarding our relationship. It just it's it's a it's beyond cement for me 30:33 it's a it's beyond cement for me 30:34 it's a it's beyond cement for me >> and it's and it's joyous. There is a 30:36 >> and it's and it's joyous. There is a 30:36 >> and it's and it's joyous. There is a certain joy. 30:37 certain joy. 30:37 certain joy. >> One of the most important part of of at 30:39 >> One of the most important part of of at 30:39 >> One of the most important part of of at least probably the predominant 30:41 least probably the predominant 30:41 least probably the predominant religions, but I'll speak about 30:44 religions, but I'll speak about 30:44 religions, but I'll speak about phalicism is that notion of hope for the 30:47 phalicism is that notion of hope for the 30:47 phalicism is that notion of hope for the afterlife. Right? So what you can insert 30:50 afterlife. Right? So what you can insert 30:50 afterlife. Right? So what you can insert whatever word you want in there, but for 30:51 whatever word you want in there, but for 30:51 whatever word you want in there, but for me it's this profound belief in what 30:54 me it's this profound belief in what 30:54 me it's this profound belief in what comes next. And that gives me so much 30:56 comes next. And that gives me so much 30:56 comes next. And that gives me so much hope and so much strength that when 30:58 hope and so much strength that when 30:58 hope and so much strength that when we're going through something difficult, 31:01 we're going through something difficult, 31:01 we're going through something difficult, I think this too shall pass. Like this 31:04 I think this too shall pass. Like this 31:04 I think this too shall pass. Like this will be fine. Let's just we now you need 31:07 will be fine. Let's just we now you need 31:07 will be fine. Let's just we now you need to do what you need to do. I have a a 31:09 to do what you need to do. I have a a 31:09 to do what you need to do. I have a a friend who's who's half Christian and 31:12 friend who's who's half Christian and 31:12 friend who's who's half Christian and half um 31:14 half um 31:14 half um Muslim. And she said 31:17 Muslim. And she said 31:17 Muslim. And she said her dad would always say, 31:20 her dad would always say, 31:20 her dad would always say, "You still need to tie your camel when 31:23 "You still need to tie your camel when 31:23 "You still need to tie your camel when you're praying to God. you you don't 31:24 you're praying to God. you you don't 31:24 you're praying to God. you you don't just leave the camel loose because it 31:26 just leave the camel loose because it 31:26 just leave the camel loose because it could wander away, right? Um and I 31:29 could wander away, right? Um and I 31:29 could wander away, right? Um and I think, well, yeah, and then you the 31:30 think, well, yeah, and then you the 31:30 think, well, yeah, and then you the Christian side, as her mom would always 31:32 Christian side, as her mom would always 31:32 Christian side, as her mom would always say, um God helps those who help 31:34 say, um God helps those who help 31:34 say, um God helps those who help themselves, right? It's the same concept 31:36 themselves, right? It's the same concept 31:36 themselves, right? It's the same concept that you still need to be an active 31:38 that you still need to be an active 31:38 that you still need to be an active participant. You can't you can't just 31:40 participant. You can't you can't just 31:40 participant. You can't you can't just sit back and and and say, "Let this 31:42 sit back and and and say, "Let this 31:42 sit back and and and say, "Let this happen to me." No, that's not what 31:43 happen to me." No, that's not what 31:43 happen to me." No, that's not what that's not the point because if you're 31:45 that's not the point because if you're 31:45 that's not the point because if you're doing that, then you're leaving your 31:46 doing that, then you're leaving your 31:46 doing that, then you're leaving your partner stranded. 31:48 partner stranded. 31:48 partner stranded. >> If you're not working towards 31:49 >> If you're not working towards 31:49 >> If you're not working towards resolution, whatever the resolution is, 31:51 resolution, whatever the resolution is, 31:51 resolution, whatever the resolution is, it doesn't always have to be conflict. 31:52 it doesn't always have to be conflict. 31:52 it doesn't always have to be conflict. Sometimes it's just asset growth or or 31:55 Sometimes it's just asset growth or or 31:55 Sometimes it's just asset growth or or you know reminding your kid to brush 31:57 you know reminding your kid to brush 31:57 you know reminding your kid to brush their teeth. Like whatever whatever the 31:59 their teeth. Like whatever whatever the 31:59 their teeth. Like whatever whatever the resolution is, you need to work on it 32:01 resolution is, you need to work on it 32:01 resolution is, you need to work on it together. But if you do have the 32:03 together. But if you do have the 32:03 together. But if you do have the foundation of an aligned faith, then you 32:07 foundation of an aligned faith, then you 32:07 foundation of an aligned faith, then you have an easier time doing that. 32:14 >> Amen. 32:14 >> Amen. So 32:16 So 32:16 So I mean what really uh how do you how do 32:18 I mean what really uh how do you how do 32:18 I mean what really uh how do you how do you summarize all of this 32:21 you summarize all of this 32:21 you summarize all of this >> for longevity of relationships? 32:23 >> for longevity of relationships? 32:23 >> for longevity of relationships? >> Yeah. 32:24 >> Yeah. 32:24 >> Yeah. >> Number one is I think you got to pick 32:26 >> Number one is I think you got to pick 32:26 >> Number one is I think you got to pick the right partner. You have to pick the 32:28 the right partner. You have to pick the 32:28 the right partner. You have to pick the right partner. 32:30 right partner. 32:30 right partner. Um I was a young girl once when I said 32:33 Um I was a young girl once when I said 32:33 Um I was a young girl once when I said to my friends, "Nice guys are a diamond 32:35 to my friends, "Nice guys are a diamond 32:35 to my friends, "Nice guys are a diamond dozen." 32:36 dozen." 32:36 dozen." They really didn't like that I said that 32:38 They really didn't like that I said that 32:38 They really didn't like that I said that and I was like really I just think it's 32:40 and I was like really I just think it's 32:40 and I was like really I just think it's so wise. It's like wise behind my ears. 32:43 so wise. It's like wise behind my ears. 32:43 so wise. It's like wise behind my ears. But you know what was my point? My point 32:45 But you know what was my point? My point 32:45 But you know what was my point? My point >> what do you mean by nice guy now? And 32:46 >> what do you mean by nice guy now? And 32:46 >> what do you mean by nice guy now? And what do you mean by that? 32:48 what do you mean by that? 32:48 what do you mean by that? >> She was dating a guy that really had 32:50 >> She was dating a guy that really had 32:50 >> She was dating a guy that really had very little to offer her and the 32:52 very little to offer her and the 32:52 very little to offer her and the relationship and she was old enough to 32:54 relationship and she was old enough to 32:54 relationship and she was old enough to be 32:56 be 32:56 be we were in our early 20s. So I think 32:57 we were in our early 20s. So I think 32:57 we were in our early 20s. So I think when you're in your early 20s if you're 32:59 when you're in your early 20s if you're 32:59 when you're in your early 20s if you're going to be considering a 5-year 33:00 going to be considering a 5-year 33:00 going to be considering a 5-year relationship dating some guy you get 33:02 relationship dating some guy you get 33:02 relationship dating some guy you get close to the end of your 20s it's a long 33:04 close to the end of your 20s it's a long 33:04 close to the end of your 20s it's a long time to dedicate to a relationship that 33:06 time to dedicate to a relationship that 33:06 time to dedicate to a relationship that doesn't really serve you. So I was 33:08 doesn't really serve you. So I was 33:08 doesn't really serve you. So I was saying nice guys are a dime a dozen. 33:10 saying nice guys are a dime a dozen. 33:10 saying nice guys are a dime a dozen. they were early enough in the 33:11 they were early enough in the 33:11 they were early enough in the relationship where I felt I can say 33:12 relationship where I felt I can say 33:12 relationship where I felt I can say that. And she's like, "Oh my god, 33:14 that. And she's like, "Oh my god, 33:14 that. And she's like, "Oh my god, Christina." And I was like, "Well, it's 33:16 Christina." And I was like, "Well, it's 33:16 Christina." And I was like, "Well, it's true, but you can insert whatever word 33:17 true, but you can insert whatever word 33:18 true, but you can insert whatever word in there. You can insert sexy guys are a 33:20 in there. You can insert sexy guys are a 33:20 in there. You can insert sexy guys are a dime a dozen. You know, guys who drive 33:24 dime a dozen. You know, guys who drive 33:24 dime a dozen. You know, guys who drive nice cars are a dime a dozen." That's 33:26 nice cars are a dime a dozen." That's 33:26 nice cars are a dime a dozen." That's not really the thing that is going to 33:28 not really the thing that is going to 33:28 not really the thing that is going to make a good partner. What is the thing 33:31 make a good partner. What is the thing 33:31 make a good partner. What is the thing that is going to make a good partner is 33:33 that is going to make a good partner is 33:33 that is going to make a good partner is number one, are you clear on your 33:36 number one, are you clear on your 33:36 number one, are you clear on your values? And then number two, are they 33:38 values? And then number two, are they 33:38 values? And then number two, are they clear on your values? and do you agree? 33:40 clear on your values? and do you agree? 33:40 clear on your values? and do you agree? So my first summary is pick wisely based 33:43 So my first summary is pick wisely based 33:43 So my first summary is pick wisely based on a value system and that includes your 33:45 on a value system and that includes your 33:45 on a value system and that includes your faith. 33:47 faith. 33:47 faith. >> Okay. 33:47 >> Okay. 33:47 >> Okay. >> Okay. Number two would be remember that 33:51 >> Okay. Number two would be remember that 33:51 >> Okay. Number two would be remember that being in love all the time is not the 33:53 being in love all the time is not the 33:53 being in love all the time is not the same thing as having love and respect 33:55 same thing as having love and respect 33:55 same thing as having love and respect for your partner. And more importantly 33:58 for your partner. And more importantly 33:58 for your partner. And more importantly is love and respect and value for the 34:00 is love and respect and value for the 34:00 is love and respect and value for the relationship. 34:02 relationship. 34:02 relationship. So longevity is going to take you 34:05 So longevity is going to take you 34:05 So longevity is going to take you through that 10 year anniversary, 20 34:07 through that 10 year anniversary, 20 34:07 through that 10 year anniversary, 20 year anniversary, 50 year anniversary 34:09 year anniversary, 50 year anniversary 34:09 year anniversary, 50 year anniversary because you have value for the unit. 34:13 because you have value for the unit. 34:13 because you have value for the unit. And then I would say number three, which 34:15 And then I would say number three, which 34:15 And then I would say number three, which we didn't talk about, is you've got to 34:18 we didn't talk about, is you've got to 34:18 we didn't talk about, is you've got to take life with a great focus on laughter 34:22 take life with a great focus on laughter 34:22 take life with a great focus on laughter and sunshine and good food and 34:26 and sunshine and good food and 34:26 and sunshine and good food and recognizing that even when you're in the 34:28 recognizing that even when you're in the 34:28 recognizing that even when you're in the middle of struggle, there is hope that 34:31 middle of struggle, there is hope that 34:31 middle of struggle, there is hope that this will pass. And that hope has to be 34:34 this will pass. And that hope has to be 34:34 this will pass. And that hope has to be based on what makes life worth living. 34:38 based on what makes life worth living. 34:38 based on what makes life worth living. >> That's just beautifully said. Wonderful 34:41 >> That's just beautifully said. Wonderful 34:41 >> That's just beautifully said. Wonderful summary. Thank you. Would you add? 34:43 summary. Thank you. Would you add? 34:43 summary. Thank you. Would you add? >> I would not. 34:44 >> I would not. 34:44 >> I would not. >> Very good. 34:45 >> Very good. 34:45 >> Very good. >> I love you. 34:45 >> I love you. 34:45 >> I love you. >> I love you, too. 34:47 >> I love you, too. 34:47 >> I love you, too. >> Are you liking what you're hearing? Do 34:48 >> Are you liking what you're hearing? Do 34:48 >> Are you liking what you're hearing? Do you want to hear more? 34:49 you want to hear more? 34:49 you want to hear more? >> Are you loving this great content? And 34:50 >> Are you loving this great content? And 34:50 >> Are you loving this great content? 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This is where we get far more 35:16 This is where we get far more 35:16 This is where we get far more information for you, protocols on 35:18 information for you, protocols on 35:18 information for you, protocols on longevity and health, and definitely the 35:19 longevity and health, and definitely the 35:19 longevity and health, and definitely the notes for today's episode. 35:21 notes for today's episode. 35:21 notes for today's episode. >> And finally, if you're ready to make a 35:23 >> And finally, if you're ready to make a 35:23 >> And finally, if you're ready to make a change, a real change in your own life, 35:25 change, a real change in your own life, 35:25 change, a real change in your own life, feel free to check us out at our private 35:26 feel free to check us out at our private 35:26 feel free to check us out at our private practice at hormonezone.com.
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