Discover Penetration-Free Paths To Amazing Sex

Introduction to Lee Jagger 0:00

All right, everybody, welcome back to another session of the solving sexual dysfunction summit. I'm very excited to have you guys are going to love this. This session is amazing because I love every time I talk to this woman, she is amazing. And she even, like, brought to light things. I never thought about when it comes to in the bedroom. Like we can sometimes get like diverted into just, you know, genital genital sex and there's so much more. And she's here to tell you all about it. So we have Lee Jagger.

Thank you so much Lee for being with us today. Oh, I am so glad to be an alumni and come back and work with you. We have great conversations and I have no doubt this is going to be another one. Thank you so much for having me. Plus, you know, I think your background story is just fascinating. So you are an erotic massage coach, but how did you get to be that? I I get asked that all the time because it's not that common. I would say a few years back I remember lying belly down on my bed and counting out the coins in the bottom of my purse and a few bills and all the money in my purse added up to $28.23.

I'll never forget that amount. And that was more than what was in my bank account. And I was scooping up all the change from my bedspread. And my phone rang. And it was this woman who saw my ad on Craigslist, the ad that I placed an ad looking for work, and she said, Hey, you could do erotic massages and make a ton of a ton of cash doing these happy endings. And I thought, oh, my gosh. Erotic massage. Like giving happy endings to men. I don't know. Now here I am with my mouth hanging open like me.

Let me tell you a little bit about what my sex life looked like up until this point. I wasn't exactly what you would call a tigress in the bedroom. I had a pretty low libido. I was starting menopause, so sex was getting uncomfortable.

From Financial Struggle to Erotic Massage 2:26

Dryness and whatnot. And half the time, my boyfriend couldn't even maintain an erection. So our sex life wasn't great. And I was not a tigress by any stretch of the imagination. And, you know, when a guy, like, pulls your hand down towards his penis, silently asking you to tickle his pickle, that's. Well, I'd be thinking, oh, God. Like, I hope he gets hard fast so he can just stick it in already. And because I don't really know what to do with my hands. So me doing erotic massage as a job was ridiculous.

I was not qualified at all, and I certainly didn't even want to do that kind of work. But here I am. I'm looking down at the change on my bed and I needed the money. So I figured I'd just do it for a couple of weeks and just get just to get ahead. So I took the job and on that first day I was determined to be that that sexy tigress and pretend to be all confident. So the guys would tip me big because I was just working for tips that first day. And you ever watched Seinfeld? You know that show? Yeah.

You know the character Elaine? Yes. And her crazy, like dance moves, you know? Yeah. Yeah. She thinks she's so cool. Busted out some funky moves, but she just looks awkward. Well, that was me. Except unlike Elaine, I was not oblivious to my awkwardness. I was feeling it in my bones, especially the happy ending part. I was just fumbling my way through. I didn't really know what to do other than, you know, playing all up and down. And there was no warm up training on a cucumber. No, I was just thrown right in.

Naked man on a massage table. And at one point during the happy ending, the guy pushed my hand away and finished himself off. Oh, my God. And I did it right. I just stood there. I'm getting tingles as I'm telling this right now. I just stood there silently, trying not to fidget. Not sure where to look or what to do with my oily hands. God, I hated that feeling. The feeling of being incompetent. And typically, in sexy situations, I'm used to the guy just taking the lead and me just going along with whatever he wants to do.

No creativity in the bedroom. I didn't know how to rock a guy's world other than open up my legs and letting him go at it. When it came down to was I had no game. I had no power in the bedroom. And, you know, I could have booked it out of there and just had my tail between my legs the whole time. Never go back. But I thought, Lee, it's time to put on your big girl panties. Like, dang it, I want it to be great in bed. I wanted to know how to touch a guy confidently. And I knew in my bones that this job was my opportunity, my practice ground to step into my power.

So instead of running back to my comfort zone, I leaned in and I did that. That work not for two weeks like I had planned, but for years. And I accumulated, get this, over 2000 clients. And you do anything. 2000 times. And you're going to get good at it. You're going to work out some kinks. And by practicing on all those guys, I discovered about 69 different ways to touch a guy's privates to bring him to his knees. I love it. That's the number two. Yeah. I mean, there's a little more than 69, but I use everyone, remember, 69.

Yeah. So when a client came in who couldn't get an erection, he had ED. I figured out exactly how to knock his socks off. I felt like Beyonce strutting onto her stage and owning it. And a surprise side effect was that sexy time with my boyfriend? Immediately turned around and all of a sudden I was that wild cat. I was always in the mood. The first time I gave him an erotic massage, she said, What you do. And for the next 50 years, like he was looking at me with heart emojis in his eyes, like I was better than the best thing since pizza and beer.

You know, like his ED was no longer a problem. I rocked his world whether he was hard or not. And more importantly, I rocked my world. I had the best sex of my life without intercourse. Who knew that was even possible? I had no idea. And at some point, my girlfriends noticed sparks flying between me and my bf. And we're like, Lee, what are you doing? Like, what are you guys doing? And they wanted me to help them with their with their relationship, give them tips for their boring, sexless marriages.

And I kid you not. Some marriages were saved because of what I told them. So helping my friends have a happier relationship or getting guys off in my office, helping women was way more gratifying than what I was doing with strangers in my office. So after honing my skills on over 2000 penises, I stopped working with the men. And I've been teaching women everything I've learned ever since. I love that. I almost think that we all need to take that class from the time we become sexually active. Because you're right, nobody ever teaches you.

I remember. Oh, my God, this. I can't believe I'm telling you guys this. Okay. I remember the first. There we go. Go tell it to everybody, the whole world. I remember the first time I touched a penis and I remember reading that the tip was very sensitive. So nobody told me up and down I didn't like.

Learning Techniques Through Practice 8:40

I sat there and like rubbed it in a circular manner because I was like, I don't know. I read that it's sensitive on the tip. I had no clue what to do. Right. It's just it's awkward. We don't have that part. It feels awkward. It feels a little bit. You like, oh, do I have to like my vaginas touching his penis? So, you know, do I need to touch it? So, yeah, it's this is sorely needed education. And I think it's so important because as we're talking in this summer about sexual dysfunction is people get so focused on genital to genitals when there's so many other things that we could be doing and exploring because there are some medical conditions where people just can't do it with the genitals.

And so this is a great option no matter who you are, to throw some spice into things and enjoy the pleasure of being touched. So I'm yeah, it's, it's a shift from focusing on an orgasm to focusing on pleasure because orgasm is pleasurable. So we are looking for pleasure, but, but we're so orgasm focused and so we've lost sight of intimacy, you know, being connected. Pleasure. Play all those things in the bedroom, which are so important. And I know that you this is great. And everybody, you're going to have to go check out these website after and we're all done with this.

So just to put in a plug for you there, but like and I know you can't go over all your techniques, but like, how did you figure I'm gonna say, like I said, how do you figure out like different techniques and what to do and let alone I mean, I have I can come up with two I'm good in book 69. Right. So there there were two ways I came up with all these techniques. One was I listened to men like I'm a perfectionist, so I wanted to know what was working. I didn't want a guy to push my hand away again, you know, so so some guys would say, oh, so when, you know, if you were to rub underneath my balls in the in the the perineal area, you know, that feels really good because the prostates on the other side of that muscle muscle.

And so like I would listen to what guys were asking for and also the biggest reason why I ended up with so many techniques was because I was doing it in certain like up and down in such a way that one hand, the one closest to the head of the penis was getting more. It was cramping up. And, and I, I mean, I started seeing 5 to 7 clients a day. Seven days. Talk about carpal tunnel. Yes, exactly. I'm like, oh, my God, I can't move my hand today. So. So I had to like I had to take my hand off and do something else, like, okay, if I if I give it a rest.

But I don't want to, like, you know, stretch my hand out in the middle of the happy ending. I kept one hand going while I rested, the other one doing something along his scrotum or whatever. And so I discovered these ten different magic spots in the the private his private area that all were very stimulating. But I was mixing it up so much that there was no overuse of muscles in my hands. So it was really a survival technique to not cripple my fingers, too. And that's how I came up with all the techniques I just needed.

I didn't want to do the same thing for five or 10 minutes. It was it was boring and hard on my hand. And I'm sure you get this question because I remember when I first even knew about what you did. My, my, my first thought, I will tell you honestly was, well, what's in it for me? Like, why would I want to do that to some? Like, like, all right. What do I get out of that? Yes. And I get that question all the time before women actually get into the program and experience it. And and everything I'm about to tell you has come from the mouths of the women who've gone through my training.

I didn't make any of this up. So the first thing that that happens for a woman, even when she does my takes my free training, which is one free technique, just that thing alone, their confidence skyrockets because she is instead of just going along with whatever he wants to do and letting the guy sit in the driver's seat in the bedroom, she is in the driver's seat. So she's looking down at her guy, watching him squirm and moan and lose his mind. And she realizes, Oh, I'm doing that. I'm I'm taking credit for that.

Like she's given herself a high five in her head because she's inflicting that much pleasure. And so it gives women a comfortable confidence. Taking control in the bedroom and taking control in the bedroom is typically uncomfortable if you don't know what you're doing. So confidence goes up right away, which is always feels good because that ripples out into the rest of your life. If you're confident in the bedroom, you're confident asking your boss for a raise. It just kind of ripples out. Another thing I focus on, not just on the physical techniques, but on verbal communication techniques.

Mm hmm. And while, yes, couples are always talking about certain things, and I hear all the time. Yeah, I talk to my guy all the time, but he doesn't listen well. It's how you're talking to him that is maybe putting him into a defensive mode or, you know, so it helps women to express themselves and get their desires met because now she can actually verbalize them. So communication is a big thing that that goes through the roof and everyone benefits from that. Not only women to single ladies out there, you know, she's walking into a first date going instead of thinking, Oh, I hope he likes me.

This guy's super hot. Oh, I'm totally into him.

Benefits for Confidence and Relationships 15:05

I hope he likes me. Is he going to call me back later or. No, she's thinking, oh, you're going to love me like you're going to be a lucky guy if I answer the phone when you call me because I got something that's going to blow you away and you're never going to want to let me go. So her her confidence going out and meeting guys is through the roof because her self-perception has changed and her self-esteem goes up. And this is just a different level of care for a guy. Like when you're doing erotic massage on a guy and you're exposing him to sensitivities he has, like sensations that he's never felt before because he can't physically do these on himself.

Like, this isn't a this isn't a masturbation course. He has to get someone to give him this treatment. And so, so when you are inflicting such pleasure on your guy, that makes him think that he's just gone to the eighth dimension of bliss. Then he's going to treat you like a queen. So the extrinsic rewards are like, I hear this all the time. Oh, yeah. Last night I did these techniques, tried three techniques out on my guy tonight. Guess what? He's making me dinner. He never makes me dinner, you know?

Or he's fixing that fence that I've been bugging him for the last six months about. Why? Because he wants to get back to that sweet spot. So he is. I'm asking you for a honey do list because he's wanting to reciprocate in some way for all the bliss that you're giving him. So women come out, I think probably even ahead of what the guys get into this. I love this. And then, you know, I'm also imagining, oh, is it all just massage of the genitals or is are you teaching techniques of other parts of the body?

Yeah, there's definitely massage on the rest of his body involved. But I found that like I used to release this big course that give you like head to toe. All the parts of the body are mixed in a lot of sensual massage techniques with back massage, leg massage, all the other parts. And I found that more than anything, like people were skipping the leg massage and going straight for the happy ending stuff because that was the quickest fix that that would move the needle the quickest for their relationship.

So while I give people a bonus of this, like date night massage where you start on his back and you do a lot of teasing and then you flip them over and do a few happy ending techniques. Yes, people get that is a bonus when they sign up for the my my membership. But the membership itself is all well mostly happy ending stuff like on the genitals because that's the thing that moves the needle overnight. Yeah. Like the urges. Are saved in a week because he I mean that he's, he's wanting you to get there as soon as possible.

So, yes, while there's a lot of good teasing and sensuality and going slow and, you know, we're not in a race for a finish line here, he does want you to touch his penis and his scrotum and all the all those he wants you to touch him there because most men are not touch their anus. So the focus is mostly in the beginning in his privates. Yeah. Because we're going for the quickest win here because if you can get a quick win like overnight. Right, and you can see a change in your relationship in one night, the rest is just like it's sprinkles on top.

You know, it's funny, I was going to say this and then I was like, I'm going to say it because I caught myself and I was giggling. I was like, Well, this would come in handy. And then I was like, Handy? Yeah. You know, sometimes you come home and, like, you love your partner and everything, but there's sometimes you just like, sometimes I'm just exhausted and just not in the mood. And this is another good option for that too, because you don't want to, because sometimes when you you blow up your partner because you're not in the mood to set up this rejection response.

And now it becomes, you know, tougher and tougher for the partners to ask of sex from each other because they don't want to get rejected again. So, I mean, not only do we have this as like a confidence booster for the woman, but it also keeps that that relationship going, too, with the partner. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. There are honestly a bunch of women in my membership and they say I don't want to have sex with my guy. Like I don't want this to improve our intercourse time. Like, I don't I want to make him feel loved.

I want to keep the peace in my relationship. I want him to have that release because I know he's in a better mood when he does. And I do want to connect with him intimately, but after menopause, I cannot have intercourse anymore, or I'm exhausted or, you know, any of the other reasons why. We if you just had a baby, you know, sort of. Baby, like all the all the reasons. Like, I just want to make him see God in 5 minutes and I want to go to sleep, you know? And so so there are some women who they're like, No, I don't want this to be a long, drawn out thing.

5 minutes. Take you around the rings of Saturn. I'm good. Okay. Good night. Sweet dreams. Oh, my God. I love that. You know, I wanted to ask you to, like, quit the massage duty. Are you using, like, lubes or oils or, like, do you find things that work better than others? Yeah, definitely. Some people try water based lubes. I do not recommend that because they dry out so quickly. And for those people who do use that, I say just keep a finger bowl of warm water beside your bed and dip your fingers into it once in a while and it reactivates.

I mean, the lube is still there. It's just dehydrated. So that's a. Trick I never knew. Yes. So instead of using a half a bottle of lube in one session, just, you know, use a fair amount of lube and then just keep wetting it and it re slip refines it. I'm making that word of it. Oil based lubes are great. They work really well and they will they'll keep the or the area oiled up very well for a longer period of time. However, they're not great mixed with condoms. So if you have to wear a condom oil base is not great. I, I recommend this massage gel by fair approach.

It's it's it rinses off without water or without soap. Just water like you could hot towel your guy off and and he's got no oil all over. He's not slippery and he doesn't have to have a shower. You can just wipe it off. I love it and it's got great slip, but it's ideally oil based oils or lubes are are best as far as the massage go but water based will do in a pinch. Coconut oil if he's not you know, most people have coconut oil in their pantry or whatever. It'll work in a pinch as long as he's not allergic to coconut.

Yeah, that would be bad. Yeah, but you don't want to do this on just dry skin, because typically the genital area, it's a little bit sticky and it's moist and down there. So you do want some type of lubricant. And let me tell you, ladies, like spit isn't going to do it. No. You just, you know, go get yourself some massage oil and and it's way more comfortable for you and for him.

Lubricants, Communication, and Intimacy 23:30

That, you know, I'm trying to think of all the other questions that I could possibly come up with as I have all these things running around in my mind, what use, I guess, what questions you get asked most commonly when it comes to this? You know, a lot of the questions that I get asked don't even have to do with the hands on how do I rock my guys world? It's more like how do we feel more connected. Like, I just want to connect with my gosh, I want to have sex, but I do want to be intimate and I do want to give him what he needs because he needs something different than I.

Then I want to give sometimes, i.e. intercourse. And so I do want to connect with him intimately, but I just want to I want to feel like we did when we were kids. Like I want to feel happy and excited and passionate in my relationship. And so so how do we get there? And, and for me, the answer is always better communication. And so one thing one thing that I can offer your listeners is this exercise of asking better questions in the bedroom or out of the bedroom. But if you can communicate in the bedroom, you can communicate anywhere.

So when women first start, they'll they'll be asking their guy something like, does this feel good? He'll say, Yeah. Or How does this feel good? That's the wrong kind of question to ask. Your heart's in the right place. Yes, but you're not always getting an accurate or honest answer when you ask a question like that. So I encourage people to ask either or questions like when I do this with this amount of pressure and maybe press lightly, or when I do it this way, the same thing, but do it later and do it later.

So he can feel the difference between more pressure, less pressure, which feels better to you. Then you're asking him to make a choice. And instead of him feeling like she's going to criticize you by saying, No, actually, I don't like what you're doing, he's making a choice by saying, Actually, when you press harder, that feels really good. So it doesn't hurt your feelings. He feels more likely, more, I guess, apt to answer a little more accurately so that you can really fine tune it and it lets him know you want to get it just right.

Like you want to knock this out of the park. You're not just trying to whack him off, right? And none of my stuff looks like you're whacking him off, by the way, because nobody likes that. The men or us, we don't like that. So it just it's this. It wedges open the door of communication so that you can have a deeper connection with your guy. It's not really about what you're doing is how you're doing it. And how you get there is through asking better questions so that that's what I would say. No matter what you're doing, just ask either or questions to fine tune what you're doing to make it better.

And I love that, you know, this really all comes down to like relationships. And number one, relationship stress usually is the biggest cause of sexual dysfunction because when there's that stress between a couple, that adds to so many different layers of intimacy issues. So absolutely, when you take performance anxiety, which is a huge stressor in the bedroom and a lot of people think, oh, there's no performance anxiety. Yeah, there is. Like if all women have probably been in this situation where a guy is trying to give her an orgasm, he's like, Did you come yet?

Or just relax or, you know, like he's pushing us to try to have this orgasm and that's performance anxiety. That is the best way to not reach an orgasm. So so when you can take stress out of the bedroom, everything gets more playful, it gets more relaxed, saying, it gets more connecting, more intimate. And people are not having a lack of sex. They're having a lack of intimacy. That's really what we're after here. Not more sex, more intimacy, more connection. So, yeah, it's and that's the whole bit that's the basis of everything that I teach is let's just take the finish line and the pressure to get there off the table, off the table.

Let's let go of the orgasm and get back into pleasure and connection and compassion in the bedroom. You know, I grew so much because I was thinking I'm like, I don't know when in our human history that orgasm became like the goal. Because even research has shown I because I was looking at this research recently that even just the touch without orgasm has tons of health benefits when it comes to like boosting endorphins and dopamine and helps with sleep and, you know, and all those feel good hormones.

So it's not even that like everyone's like we got to get to the finish line. We got to. Yeah, it's a means to an end. And so the touch, the quality of the touch and the benefit of the touch gets lost in in the the pressure to get someplace and it becomes less intimate and just Yeah. Touch for just the sake of touch like I'm touching you not to get something done, not to take this somewhere else. There's not a secret agenda going on. I'm touching you here because I know it feels good to you. And I just want to make you feel good.

Oh, my body. When even just thinking about that, just relax. It's like, oh, awesome. You know, just this non expectation of it needing to go anywhere else. We're just sinking into the bliss of the moment and enjoying each other's bliss and pleasure and company. And that that's so healing. And when people experience that, guess what? They want to have more sex. Like, it's counterintuitive, but the less you put pressure on having sex, the more it just kind of seems to go towards the intimate encounter.

Because now you're relaxed and you're ooey gooey and you're feeling good, and women need to be warmed up to do anything in the bedroom. So, yeah, especially women who were going through menopause, you know, and and intercourse is just if that's not there, typically they're not having any action in the bedroom. So and I know that like I'm thinking once again, like this is so funny with the with this summit because I'm like trying not to throw in personal stories because I know my family and everybody is going to kill me, but now my husband's going to like, why are you telling everybody this stuff?

But honestly, there have been times I've been married for 20 years. There have been times where it's like I even avoid just brushing or touching his arm just in the house because I'm afraid, like, Oh, that's going to lead to something else. And I don't feel like doing that right now, but I'm like, Wait a minute. Like, I love this whole idea that this is not like just because there's touch doesn't mean that there's like, that's this means this end where we now have to go into the whole intercourse thing.

So yeah. And it takes training men into getting that, that, hey, if I, if I kiss you and hold it for like 5 seconds, like a nice long smooch, can we make it just a long smooch and not read into it that it has to lead to jumping into the bedroom? Because if you let me smooch you longer and just let it be that unless I give you this, like I take your hand and take you into the bedroom and just let it be a smooch, then I'm going to smooch you more. And guys don't. There's ways to train a guy into connecting those dots because they're they're just trying to get any attention that they can.

And so you give them a little bit attention and they're like, Oh, yeah, okay, let's keep this momentum going. So so it's a retraining of of our guys to understand that, you know, what is a signal to yell, let's get it on and what's a signal to, hey, I just want to I just want this to be this. And nothing else requires some communication. Yeah. Yeah. And I think you must. From a personal development standpoint, what do they always tell you to be mindful on in the moment? You know, and I think in all parties is kind of a big analogy for our whole lives.

And all parties were always rushing to get someplace like maybe we just need to stop and take a moment and just use erotic massage. Yes. And if there is one thing that I can impart to your listeners today, it is this. Everybody write this down slow equals moan. The slower you go, no matter what you're doing, sexual or nonsexual. Like if you're if you're kissing your guy or if you do an erotic massage or anything, if you just slow that thing down like you're in a slow motion movie or something, it feels better.

And when you slow it down, you're enjoying it more and you're not in a rush to get it over with

Slowing Down and Embracing Pleasure 33:35

because it feels so good to be here and enjoy that. Ooh, yeah. Like, I'm not in a rush to go anywhere and change this. I want to stay here for a bit, and it makes people be a little bit more present in the bedroom and drop that finish line because the finish line, if they cross that big finish line, then it's over. Like, okay, we're done. But if what's happening before you get close to that orgasm is so good, it's almost better than the orgasm itself. And I've heard I've heard couples say this, then you're less likely to race towards that orgasm, because what's happening right now, you don't you don't want to let go of it.

It's so, so good. And like I've had I've had one of my guy clients, Ryan said sex and he meant intercourse used to be like the pinnacle. The ultimate outcome that that I was looking for that all guys look for it like intercourse. That's good. That's that's the that's the the Holy Grail for guys. But I've come to understand that her hands can do things that her vagina cannot. Right. Very good point. So so when you're when you're giving him sensations with your hands that your vagina cannot, i.e., he's never felt this before because his sensations are either from his hand up and down or inside your vagina.

Then then it changes the ballgame. It's just a completely different game altogether, and it's so good. He does not want to move from it. And yeah, it's just it's so delicious when you can get away from the rush of trying to get somewhere and just sink into the bliss of the moment, that is true intimacy and connection in a relationship. That's when things get really good. Yeah. Oh, Lee, this has been so much fun to talk to you. I could talk to you for hours. It's like you're full of so much incredible information.

But in wrapping up, is there anything that I didn't ask you that you specifically wanted us to know about? I really wish that women would understand that they have all the power in the bedroom and that having power in the bedroom is not does not need to be a scary thing when you don't have any skills, then yeah, that's really scary. But when you have some skills at your fingertips, then the whole world changes and you, you alone can change your relationship and how you are with your husband or your boyfriend, whoever in the bedroom, by what you do, you can affect how he behaves to you and behaves in the bedroom.

You could change that whole picture by what you do differently. And if you're doing something differently in such a compassionate, loving, giving way like erotic massage, the world's your oyster. Like you write your own ticket, you know, put 50,000 things on that honey do list. He's going to want to do them all. Like, your power really is at your fingertips. And it's so easy. So easy. Yeah. Oh, my goodness. Where can people find more information about you? Well, my website is RocktheBedroom.com, and that's where they find the free technique they can try.

I am on all the social media: @rockthebedroom, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, all the things. And but I recommend that people start with the the free training because once they get my world, then they can they can email me their their personal situations, go, hey, like, this is our situation, can you help us? And then I will actually be able to answer them. That is great to everybody. I definitely highly recommend you go checking out her website because it's amazing. And I want to thank you, Lee, for taking the time too, for being with us and being such an amazing speaker and And it's been wonderful.

Thank you for putting on this summit because this education really needs to get out there to the women because women have been oppressed regarding their their bodies for far too long. And you are empowering women with this summit. So thank you for your part in this. Awesome. Once again. Thank you. And everybody, I just want to remind you, go check out Lee Jagger, Rock The Bedroom And don't forget to stick around because we've got more great sessions coming up.