Eliminating Beliefs – The Power To Heal​

Introduction to Shelly and Her Work 0:00

I am extremely excited to introduce you to our next guest. He's somebody that I've known for quite a while now. She's a member of the Transformation Leadership Council, and so I've been in different places all over the world where she's been and wherever she is, she lights up a room. She's helped so many people over the years. Hundreds of thousands of people improve their lives. And we're going to talk about how she does that. And a lot of what she does is helping people eliminate negative beliefs or limiting beliefs.

You know, there is a statistic, Shelly, on your website that I really liked, it said 40% of people in any given year will try to change try to improve their life and change. And yet 92% of those 40% will fail. And I think you've got some answers on how people, when they decide to make a change, they can really follow through. So welcome Shelly. Shelly love, coach. Great to have you on board. Thanks, Tom. It's great to be. I love doing this with friends. It makes it really fun. Yeah. And I'm excited to be with you too.

And so talk to us. That statistic is pretty staggering. Most people that try to make a change won't make it. What's going on? How come? I mean, they have intention. They've got probably even a little willpower. What's stopping them from making that change? And that's great distinction. Willpower information. So most people try to change with it using information and motivation and we have friends who do amazing courses and teach people, give them information that will help them make the changes they want to make in their lives, how to have a better relationship, how to be more successful in business is a bazillion books written, and I always say on my tombstone, it's going to say, I've tried everything.

This is the only thing that ever worked. And the reason is, it isn't that the other things don't work. They work brilliantly. You don't work because we have beliefs that underlie the patterns that keep us from utilizing the information that we get. So I'm I know all of you have done something in your life where you've gone to a workshop or a talk and you get all motivated, juiced, and you're excited and you get great information and you go home and, you know, three days later the notes are in a drawer and nothing changes.

And so most of these beliefs, and by a belief, I mean a statement about reality that you think is the truth, right. So when you say I believe something, it's not, I think it or probably I believe it is the truth.

Why Information Alone Doesn't Change Behavior 3:00

That's what a belief is, you know. So we have unconscious beliefs, and I'm going to tell you how to make them conscious and where they get formed and all that. But we have unconscious beliefs that determine our behavior, our emotions, and ultimately our reality. Yeah. And if I said to you, I have a friend who believes life is hard, but everything just goes her way. Would you believe me? No. No. Yeah. No. And you don't know my friend. But you wouldn't believe me. Yeah. So whether it's beliefs about yourself, I'm not good enough.

Money. Money is scarce and hard to get people. People can't be trusted. Life. Life is hard. I'll never get what I want. And and once you start uncovering these beliefs and eliminating them, it knocks down the barriers to you having, being and doing everything you want to do. Being half. It's the secret sauce. And and I'll just give you a simple example. If you believe that water is boiling. You're not going to put your hand in it. Correct. So we live consistently with our beliefs and they they're insidious because we don't even know we have them.

And once you start diving in and looking at them and you figure and I'll show you, you know, how to disappear them, life changes instantly. Yeah. No, it's interesting. And so many people have these limiting beliefs and and the challenge is most of them didn't even create them themselves. They inherited them from their parents or people around them. And, and and then they continue to live with them unconsciously. It's in their subconscious. So I love your work. And I'm a big believer that when there's a discrepancy between your beliefs and what you want, your beliefs will always went out.

They'll always hold you back to that level. So what what are some of the what are some of the more common beliefs? I'll go ahead. I'm going to tell you, but I want to take exception with what you just said. Okay. Well, you said some people have beliefs. Everybody has beliefs. I don't care who they are. I, I agree, you know, and I agree with you on that. Everyone else believes. Yeah. And the second thing is it's feels like time we inherit them. But we do create them because you can be in a, in the same family with the same parents and parent does something.

And one kid says, oh, that's the way to do it. Mistakes and failures are bad. And you know, and then then the other kid goes, wow, I never been that way. Now most people conclude the same things in a given situation. But there are those people who don't buy in. The we do always create our beliefs. Yeah. No I believe I, I agree that we have the power to create. I think some people just accept things. And particularly when you're younger and you don't have your conscious mind built out as well, you accept it as reality and and then you don't question it.

But or if you live in an environment that you know, is, is, has a belief system about health or about money or whatever, it's easy to accept that. But even in accepting it, you're creating it. Exactly. Making it real. So. Exactly in any way, I mean to say that we're powerless. We can create them. Yeah. And the beautiful thing is, whether you realize you created it or not in the past, you have the power to change it in the moment when you when you bring that belief up. So yeah. For an agreement on that.

Yeah. Good. And, you said something before I tell you the most common beliefs, and I will tell you that, can I tell you how they get formed? Sure. Because you just said something brilliant. You said as we get when we're younger, we accept things. So when you come into this world and when we come into this world, we literally do not know if we're good enough or not important or not, lovable or not. We don't know anything about life, people, the world. And we come into an environment and we look around and the reason that our beliefs stay with us through evidence to the contrary.

I've worked is Harvard PhDs who still believe they're stupid. Yeah. Evidence doesn't change beliefs.

How Limiting Beliefs Are Formed 8:00

Here's why. You come into this world and your parents are busy and they're on their now on their iPhones. Oh I'm listening. And what you think you see as a child is I'm not important. Sure. Can't you see I'm not important. No I actually can't. I can see your parents ignoring you like we're not playing with you. Not spending time with you. Not you can't ignoring is. But you see their behavior. But but because you can't negative. But because it's impossible to not believe something you think you saw or believe.

Stay with us. So if you watch your parents struggle now let me back up for a second. What is the one word question? Every little kid asks all day long? Why? Why? Yeah, everybody knows that, right? Why? Why are my parents struggling? I guess life is hard. Why are they having such a hard time with money? Oh, I guess money is scarce and hard to get. Why are they critters? Why can't I live up to their expectations? Well, I guess I'm not good enough. Yeah, and those beliefs stay with us. Yeah. Okay, so that's how beliefs get formed when we're a little older.

Nine. Ten. 11. 12. Something happens. So I'm not good enough. I'm not important. Are the two most common beliefs that people have. I have client now thanks to zoom in Kuwait, Uganda, New Zealand, Botswana. I mean, it blows my mind that I actually have a client in Kuwait. I don't know why that one just. But all over the world, everybody has the same beliefs from the same source. Now, some beliefs I will say are cultural, but mostly it's the first 6 to 8 years beliefs are formed, self-esteem groups.

Right? So everybody has a beliefs I'm not important. I'm not good enough. Now we get acknowledged for something. Achieving things. Taking care of your siblings. Helping with the kids in a big family. So we conclude. What makes me good enough is achieving things. That's workaholism. I'm not good enough. I'm not important. But here's a beach ball. Right? Like a beach walk. Now I got a survival strategy. What makes me good enough is taking care of people. So I become a nurse. If you're listening and you're the oldest in a large family, good chance you're a nurse or a health care professional.

Because you have the belief. What makes me good enough is taking care of people. So as long as you're taking care of people, this sucker stays underwater. But it's driven. And as you get older, it keeps coming up more and more, and you have to keep pushing it down. Mine was what makes me good enough is having other people think well of me. That every time I walk away. Oh time like me time didn't say hello to me. He never had lunch with me at TLC. Oh he doesn't like me, you know. Now when I got rid of that belief, I call it my Martin Luther King Junior moment.

Because I was free at last. Right. So this survival strategy believes keep us addicted and driven. If you don't have good survival strategy, beliefs, addiction, you have to numb yourself. And whatever you do, whether it's food, alcohol, drugs, doesn't matter. As long as I don't have to look at myself. I'm numb. Sure. So even though survival strategy beliefs are driven, they're better than not. And nothing. So and so. What's the cost of a limiting belief? Like where do you. How do you see it impacting people?

You know we talked earlier. You know there could be it could impact your health, could impact so many different things. Were people being held back by their beliefs? What I've found lots of clients. Why are they coming to you and why are they being held back before you show them how to free themselves? Yeah. So it's a great question. So we talk about we call them patterns and your pattern is like an issue and a pattern is observable. A belief is not. So patterns would be procrastinate. I can see you going on Facebook not working, not doing what you said you're going to do.

I can observe you procrastinating. I could see you not speaking up for yourself. I could see you have a fear of public speaking, right? And get very nervous before you guys in public. I could see you picking people and staying in bad relationships. Yeah, you see bad but unhealthy relationship. Yeah. I could see you not taking care of yourself. Everybody has information and motivation, you know, going in. You don't want to go into a relationship that you. You see the red flags. You know that if you eat, you know, junk food and you don't exercise, you're going to pay the piper.

You know that you need to take care of yourself to be healthy. Everybody's talking about, you know, eating, in sleep now is the the new thing is, you know, sleep. But if you have beliefs like I'm not important. So everybody just take a deep breath. I want to show you something. So I want you to say this out loud. I'm not important. Now, say I'm not good enough. Now say I'm a monkey. So when you say I'm a monkey, obviously that either feel silly or it just felt flat. Right when you said I'm not good enough or I'm not important.

If it felt bad to say, like some people say, well, I didn't want to say that. Guess what? Those beliefs are just words. If you didn't believe them, it would feel like just words like I'm a monkey would feel right. Nothing. So the first way we know we have beliefs is it doesn't feel good to say them. Yeah. Now, if you believe I'm not good enough

Common Beliefs Behind Procrastination and Fear 15:00

and I'm not important, speaking up is not going to be easy. Now, you may believe what makes me sorry. What I have to say is not important. Sure. Or people are not interested in what I have to say. Right. So that would would totally squelch you. If you believe what makes me good enough is having other people think well of me like I did. I couldn't dress the way I wanted, express myself the way I wanted. It was always, a big personality. But I questioned things, I held back, I always thought about it.

It was, you know. Oh, I can't wear this because what if somebody doesn't like it? You know, we throw our children under the bus, worried about what? A stranger that will never see again thinks about us? Yeah, yeah. True. So true. Fear of public speaking. Is the only pattern that has the same exact beliefs for every person. And I can tell you what they are because they're also the beliefs that underlie procrastination. Fear of fear of making cold calls, selling. You know, if you're, if you're in a business where you have to sell your services, the rules will stop you.

If you're getting on the phone and you know, your mother told you when you were little, you know, don't be a burden. Right. And for other people, I just worked with somebody who had those beliefs. It's not okay to bother people. And I'm a burden and couldn't make cold calls. You know, he got rid of those beliefs and was able to make cold calls. So beliefs, what is the belief underlying, public speaking? So I'm not good enough. Okay. I'm not important. What I have to say is not important. Gotcha.

I'm not interested in what I have. Okay. Mistakes and failures are bad. Yeah. If I make a mistake or fail, I'll be rejected. What makes me good enough is having other people think well of me. Yeah. So those are the fear of public speaking beliefs. And the interesting thing is they're just beliefs, right? They're they're not truths. They're what you believe. They're your feelings of certainty about something. But ultimately they decide who you are, your beliefs decide who you are and what you can do.

So I love your work because you're helping people understand that they can separate their potential from the belief they have, and then be able to eliminate those beliefs and now choose better beliefs. Which is right? Yes, but you don't even have to a lot of people, everybody says that. Here's the thing. You do this work. What you get Tom. Which is so cool is we think we are our beliefs. Right. Who I am is not good enough. Who I am is not talented. Who I am will always be fat or who I am is not What?

What's again? I can't think of the word I want to to say. Not, inadequate. I'm who I am. Is inadequate. So we have all of these beliefs that, that, again, are unconscious. Right, right. And, I lost my thought when I forgot the words. The interesting thing is, and I'll let you think of that. But when someone freaks out about speaking, they're not thinking, oh, I've got this belief that it's making me nervous. They're just thinking, oh, I just I can't speak. I've never been able to speak. Yes. Uncover what's underneath there. Right.

And once the beliefs go away, you don't have to create new beliefs. Because what you get when you do this is who you really are. Saying you're not your beliefs. You are the creator of your beliefs. Yeah. You existed before your beliefs did. Yes. Now watch this. If you create your beliefs and your belief creates your life. Yeah. Who does that make you? The creator of your life? And what we do is we take people into, What? Maudie, my late husband, used to call an altered state of consciousness where you get when you come into this world.

So everybody do this with me. Close your eyes. You come into this world as a little ball of consciousness before you create any distinctions about yourself, life or people. Do any exist? So in that space, what's possible? Everything. What limitations do you have in that space? You know how you live. As if something's missing. Like it's only this. We all live like only this. Only that. In this space that you're in right now as the creator of your life. Is there anything missing in that space? Well, like right now.

Well when you close your eyes, you know there's nothing missing. There's nothing missing. Yeah. So then we say what does that feel like? Yeah. Actually distinguish yourself to bring into being that who I am is the creator of my life. So where we leave people is not creating new beliefs because the new beliefs aren't any more true. You're not good enough or not good enough. Who you are is the consciousness that creates those beliefs. That's very empowering. Yeah. That's awesome. Shelly, that's really cool.

So, how can people permanently eliminate some of these beliefs that are holding them back? So. When we take you through the process. We'll ask what's first will get you in touch with the beliefs. Sure. And then we ask what's the source of the belief. Where did it come from. Okay. So I'm not good enough. Came from nothing I ever did was good enough. You know, my parents would criticize me or they'd say, well, you did that, but why didn't you do this? So they compared me, right? We all have in best case scenarios.

I had the best parents in the world. My father used to say things like, you don't use your head. You don't think? Yeah. So I concluded, I'm, He used to say.

Reframing Meaning and Releasing Negative Emotions 22:00

And my father was so loving. Oh my God. Today's is, the anniversary of his death. So I feel bad saying this, but he. He loved me so much. But he would say, you're an idiot. And I thought the word was immediate. An idea. What? You're an idiot. And he didn't mean it. When I talk to you later, he was like, oh, I'm so sorry, sweetheart. Yeah, but I concluded, I'm an idiot. And when I said those that word, I mean, he, you know, Morty was working with me and it was something I was stuck and I couldn't, you know, cause things come easily to me.

So when I would get stuck. Instead of just doing it, I would stay stuck. And I had the belief, you know, I'm an idiot and I'm not capable. Yeah, and and so that's the source. My dad saying that to me was the source. And then we look at what are some other interpretations that you couldn't see as a child that you could see. Now, that would explain the fact that my dad said that. Yeah. So one interpretation is he had no parenting skills. He didn't know how to empower me. So he said whatever stupid thing came into his head.

And another interpretation is maybe I was a idiot when I was a kid. It doesn't mean I'd always be an idiot. And maybe, you know, my dad just, talk to me the way his father talked to him. He didn't know any better. Sure, but even if my dad thought I was an idiot, that doesn't mean it's true. Exactly. So if there are other valid interpretations, is what you said. The truth was simply one interpretation. Yeah. Now, here's where the belief generally goes away. Doesn't it seem like as a child you saw I'm not good enough for I'm stupid or I'm an idiot or whatever belief you're thinking about?

And everybody says, I did see it. Did you really see I'm not good enough, does I? So anything you could see has a color, shape and location. You can't see one that's good enough. Yeah. Yeah. What you did see was whatever it was. Exactly. Your parents criticizing you for them not paying attention to you or them struggling. So you saw events, right? Where was. I'm not good enough. Where was the belief in your head? In your head? So when you get just like for eight years, you believed in Santa Claus or the tooth fairy or the Easter Bunny, and one day you go, that's my dad.

Yeah. The belief in Santa Claus goes away and never comes back. Sure. So did you ever see I'm not good enough? No. I saw certain people doing certain things at a certain time. Yeah, that's the cake. Here's the icing. What happened to you? And I work with people who are sexual abuse survivors. My favorite population to work with. What happened to you? Whether you were criticized by your parents sexually abused, whatever it was, was not fun, was not pleasant. I'm sorry it happened to you. Yeah, but I'm going to ask you a question.

I want everybody to do this with me because this is the part I can teach. I can't get rid of you girls in, you know that. I can do this. What is it really mean? Not what? Do not. Did it matter? And I'll give you an example in a minute. What meaning does it have? Another way of saying that is. What do I know for sure? Because that happened. Yeah. Now, that aside for a second, if you're in a room and somebody you know comes in and doesn't speak to you, what might you automatically think? They don't like me. Good.

Yeah. Everybody answer that question. Yeah. So some of you might have said they're rude. They don't like me. I did something wrong. They didn't see whatever you said. That's meaning. Okay. Where did that meaning that you came up with come from, from your interpretation of what you saw and your interpretation comes from your mind. Sure. All meaning is in your mind. Yeah. Everybody get that. Meaning is inside your head. Now this is going to be like a for some of you. For some of you, if meaning is in your mind, in your head, do events has inherent meaning.

No. No. So events don't have meaning before. Period. Yeah. They don't have, Meaning. My husband died and Tom knew my husband. He was next to Roddenberry. Human being. He cared more about people than anybody I've ever met in my life. I miss him every minute of the day. Yeah. I'd do anything to have him back. But the fact that he died doesn't mean I'll never be happy again. I'll never love again. I can't enjoy life. My business is going to go under. I'm going to starve to death. Right. Another way of saying so.

It's not that it doesn't matter. Yeah. It doesn't mean anything. We don't know anything for sure. Because that happened. Right. So the next question we would ask is, what does it mean that your father or mother criticized you? What does it mean that you failed every course in school? What do you mean? That you were sexually abused? Again, it's. I'm not minimizing what happened to you. Sure. But it doesn't have any meaning. Now, here's the last step. Doesn't it seem like what happened to you made you feel whatever your belief was?

I'm not good enough. Watching my parents ignore me made me feel not important. Now, here's the thing. Can you ask yourself this question and then I'll make it real. Can events that have no meaning make you feel anything? No. Are you walking down the street? A man walks past you. It has no meaning. Yeah. What are you going to feel? Yeah. Nothing. Yeah. Yeah. You know, if it has no meaning, you'll feel nothing. Right. If you give it the meaning, he's dangerous. What are you going to feel?

How to Eliminate Beliefs and Recreate Your Life 30:00

Afraid. If you give it the meaning, he'll protect me. What are you going to feel safe. So events that have no meaning can't make you feel anything? Yeah. So what made you feel not good enough? The meaning that you gave whatever you saw. Exactly the meaning you gave. Whatever you saw. Yeah. Now everybody close your eyes and imagine. Giving the same event different meaning. My dad is a lousy teacher. He criticizes because that's his way of teaching. Or my father or mother have have unrealistic expectations for a child's parents.

Expect children to sit still in restaurants. Children don't sit still in restaurants. People expect kids to get straight A's. I always say, did your parents excel at everything? The answer is no. No one excels at everything. So imagine thinking as a little kid. My parents have unrealistic expectations. That's what Auntie Shelly says. And as you're giving the same events that meaning, do you still feel not good enough? No. Yeah. So you change how you feel. Right. So I again I can't tell you in an hour how to eliminate belief.

So I mean I told you how to do it, but you don't know what beliefs underlie what patterns emerge. Yeah. Yeah. But here's the thing. I can teach you this. Any time you have a negative emotion, stop and ask yourself what just happened. And I'll give you two ways to do it. My 40 simple way and my one step way. What just happened? My wife didn't kiss me. Hello when she came in the door. What meaning did I give it? She doesn't love me anymore. She's having an affair. That meaning is in your head. It's not in the events. Yeah.

Yeah. When you get that, the emotion goes away. Yeah. The second way. The way I do it and the way we teach. We have a course that we teach you how to do this. So you become a master guru, like my husband was. What happened? My wife didn't kiss me or my husband didn't kiss me. Hello? What meaning did I give it? He or she doesn't love me anymore. What else could it mean? They had a hard day. Yeah. Come up with one other possible meaning and then get. What is it? What is the inherent meaning in that event?

What do I know for sure? Because that happened. Nothing. Once the meaning goes away, the emotion goes away. Now deal with it. Don't deal with it. Ask. Honey, did you have a hard day or you know what's going on? Or why didn't you kiss me or ignore whatever you want? But. But you're not coming out of anger, fear, frustration, disappointment, resentment. You're coming out of a clean space. That's awesome. Hey, Shelly, you're giving people a coaching session here today. Great job. So, Shelly, where can people find your work?

Where would you suggest that they go if they want to learn more or work with you? Well, I'd love to, give, a gift for your awesome. Your peeps. If you go to re or E recreate your life.com, you can actually eliminate a belief for free. Okay, cool. And there's three of the most common beliefs. So you could just choose one and eliminate it. And then if you feel like wow, that was amazing. We have a package called Natural Confidence. Okay. And it's 19 of the most common self-esteem beliefs, including mistakes and failures, are bad.

If I make a mistake or fail, I'll be rejected. I'm not worthy. I'm inadequate. I'm not good enough. I'm, What makes me good enough is having other people think well of me. It makes me good enough for my achievements and the whole. The the bone. It also has in it three conditionings. So I won't go into that, but it's very simple prob process based on the Pavlov's dog experiment, where you'll get rid of fear associated with criticism and judgment. Cool. Fear associated with not living up to the expectations of others.

And fear of, rejection. That's just gone. Yeah. Yeah. And so if you do the whole natural confidence program and you can do it on your own, at your own time, your own pace. It's a great way to do it if you can't work with me and have sessions if you want. Shelley at Lesko institute.com, is my email if you actually want to work with me. But but natural confidence is such a great, way to to go. And it, the beliefs underlie fear of public speaking, procrastination. Any area any issues where confidence is involved, which is everything.

Staying in a rule. I had somebody recently do natural confidence and she said that she sent me an email and she said she was in a lousy relationship for 15 years. After the program, she walked out. She said, I'm done. I'm out of here and list. She's like, awesome, awesome. I love your website. Recreate your life. What a beautiful website and you are such a great person to help people do that. Shelly, give us, any final parting words of wisdom that you want to leave people with? You've given so much already.

But anything that, that you want to say before we wrap things up here? Yes. Circumstances don't have to stop you. You have, you know, somebody was, I had some friends that, you know, Betty Spruill and, sister were here for dinner last night, and Tricia and we were just sitting and talking about, this issue about how, how powerful we are. And they brought up Marianne Williamson. Marianne Williamson's quote. It is not your it is not what scares you is not how powerless you are, but how powerful you are.

And when you really get that, you created beliefs and they create your life and that you can change your life. I mean, like, no kidding, change it. Have your dreams come true. You know, people talk about the law of attraction and you sit and manifest. That's great. Your intentions manifest, law of attraction, all that. But if you have beliefs in the way, I'll never get what I want. It's not going to work. Sure. And you have the ability to do that. And you have the power to do that. You do not have to live as a victim.

That's what I want to say. I love it, I love it, and and just part of life is letting go of your old baggage. I believe and to the extent you can do that, you can move on to the extent you don't, you continue to relive it. So I love your work. What a beautiful human being you are. Shelly, thank you so much for being on. And everybody I know will want to that saw this. Want to go to recreate your life.com. Find out how you can get more of what Shelly has to offer, and get rid of those old beliefs and really move into the life you deserve.

So Shelly, thank you so much for being here. We really do appreciate you. Thank you Tom. Thanks for doing what you do, my friend. Yeah. Thank you for.