Get Your Vitamin G -How Gratitude Builds Fortitude During Menopause

Welcome to the Menopause Summit 0:00

To. Some. Hi, everyone. Welcome to the Mastering the Menopause Transition Like a Boss summit. I'm your host, doctor Sharon Stills. Excited and grateful for you all to be here with us today. And today we are talking about a subject near and dear to my heart and to the menopause journey. We're going to be talking all about gratitude with the gratitude Queen, which I am so excited to have. This conversation and gratitude is such a part of what I consider medicine. I am always saying not all medicine comes in a pill bottle.

It's one of my favorite hashtags to use on social media. And the reason I say that is because there's so many things that you yourself can do that have nothing to do with what you're swallowing, whether it's a vitamin or anything. And so today we're going to journey down that that area. We're going to journey into gratitude. And what I want you to take away from this very important conversation is that gratitude is medicine, and it's something you can start using as soon as you're done listening to this talk today.

So with that in mind, I am super excited to have Holly written The gratitude Queen on with me today to have this important conversation. And Holly is a survivor. She is a red headed sister. She is, Amazon bestselling author, and she is all about gratitude. So who better to have this conversation with? So thank you for being here, Holly. I'm really excited to talk with you today. Yes. Thank you so much, doctor Sharon, I just I really appreciate you inviting me on this. And this is just such a great topic to, you know, to share with everyone.

Holly's Cancer and Menopause Journey 1:57

So thanks for having me. My pleasure, my pleasure. So I'd love for you to share your story. I think your story is so inspiring and tell us how you got into this. And so let's hear it. Yeah. So I always, I always like to start my story, before my story, because I think it's important. I think it's important for people to understand kind of where I came from, because it helps to put everything into perspective and so before my 39th birthday, I was, you know, I pretty much had the perfect life or what I thought was the perfect life.

I was, I had this, high powered career, very high level management position at one of those three letter government agencies. They make TV shows about. And we'll just leave it at that. And, I was living in sin with my boyfriend. We're talking about getting married. You know, I was drinking margaritas with my girlfriends and traveling all over and just doing the things right. I was a Xterra triathlete. I raced, competitively, raced, mountain bikes and, you know, rock climbed. I took my Thai boxing and just.

I did all the things, right. I was like, this is what every 38 year old girl should be doing. And, yeah, so that was my life. And then on my 39th birthday, I actually got the call all the tests and everything had begun had been done ahead of time. But I got the call my 39th birthday. And the doctor said, you have breast cancer, but don't worry, it's the good kind. Which I'm like, what? Who says that? Right? What kind of breast cancer is the good time? It turns out later, I guess if you had to rank the breast cancers, I was positive or negative.

So if you had to kind of put them on a spectrum, I did have, like, a kind, I don't know, I wouldn't call it any kind of cancer. Good. But from that point on, it just the whirlwind started because two days later, my boyfriend proposed. So it was 48 hours. It was. You have, breast cancer. And then will you marry me? And then. So I ended up going through, surgery, chemo and radiation. And then we got married ten days after treatment ended. So that whole time that I was engaged, I was trying to, like, I lost part of my breast.

I went into, early chemical menopause. I was bald, you know, I smelled like chemo funk. I had the walking farts, like, I mean, I was just a hot mess. And I'm trying to get this, like, sexy fiance, and it just. Yeah, yeah, you just kind of have to laugh at that point. And then we. I'm walking it back to the menopause in a second. But after treatment ended, I just kept getting sicker and sicker and sicker. And I'm, like, all the girls in support group. They're running these five, you know, five K, you know, pink ribbon races, like, I can't get out of bed.

And it took a year, but then my doctor finally diagnosed me with Hashimoto's thyroiditis, which is the autoimmune component of, hypothyroidism. And two of the biggest, symptoms are extreme debilitating fatigue and weight gain. So, so, so that was kind of my health journey. And I actually stayed, in clinical menopause. So I have been in menopause since I was 39. And we can you can ask me anything about that. But you one having gone through it at a much earlier age. So I've now been in menopause for 12 years.

And, but, you know, kind of throughout this process, the words of my mother kept going through my head. And her life mantra was it builds fortitude, it builds fortitude. She was actually diagnosed with a very rare adrenal disorder when she was pregnant with me. And, that was just kind of her life mojo. She was always very positive, always very just and not like fake positive, just genuinely happy. And, it wasn't until much later that I actually learned. I always thought kind of the it builds fortitude.

You know, when I was going through my own health challenges, I thought that it was, like the storms of life, like going through these health challenges, like going through these difficult times was what built fortitude. But it wasn't until later that I realized that the it that she was talking about was gratitude. And the gratitude builds for it, too. And so anyway. So yeah, so I think fortitude was obviously named after

What Gratitude Means and Why It Matters 6:36

after Mama Fortitude, as I call her, she passed in 2019. And then it just really started, you know, kind of diving into gratitude and the benefits of gratitude. And now I just I hang my hat on the mantra that gratitude builds fortitude. So and here we are. I love that, mama. Fortitude. That's so beautiful. I, I just lost my mom this year, and, Yeah, that's had. It's such a sad thing, but grad Etude really got me through it and sustained me because I knew that she was ready. She was 85 and she was suffering.

And so the gratitude for her being at peace, for her not suffering, has really given me a lot of a lot of grace around the process. And so gratitude is such a such a healing process and such a healing attitude to take the attitude of gratitude. Right. And so tell us what what is gratitude to you for those listening? What does that mean? Yeah. So, you know, it's I mean, I think that the technical definition is just the, the, the process of being, you know, grateful and being thankful and, you know, Doctor Robert Emmons is one of the, literally, probably the world's leading, scientific expert on gratitude with all of his research and studies.

And, you know, he's he kind of basically says there has to be a giving and receiving. You it has to be a giver and a receiver. So you can kind of think about it in that way. And, you know, then when I talk about gratitude, building fortitude, fortitude is just that inner resilience, that inner strength that, you know, standing strong regardless of all the storms that are that are going on around you and, you know, and what I, actually found in the community that I generally work with are women with some type of, you know, chronic illness, a health challenge, cancer, autoimmune, that sort of thing.

You know, but obviously, you know, this age of, of, you know, kind of menopause we're dealing with, you know, a lot more than just like, you know, there's there's health challenges. There's all the kind of chemical emotional changes of menopause. There's, you know, life changes that were empty nesters. And our kids are going to college and, you know, we're becoming grandparents or, you know, we're maybe getting divorced or, you know, losing a loved one or taking care of elderly parents or losing or but like, we're going through all these changes.

So, you know, so I think everything that I, you know, kind of talk about in terms of gratitude is, is very universal. You know, for kind of where, you know, where we are at this stage of, of, of life. Absolutely. It's definitely universal and definitely in menopause, as I always I think we've been given such a harsh, definition of what menopause is from society. And so when I'm working with patients and I know I've heard you say this, like you got your diagnosis on your birthday and what a gift that was.

And I love that you say that because I always say, I know that patients are really turning the corner and healing when they come back and say, doctor stills, I'm so glad I'm going through this. It's such a gift. And then, you know, yes, you're really getting it because there are gifts and all of the the things we go through with our body and menopause. If we're going through menopause, we should be grateful we're live long enough that we are getting to go through that beautiful transition as we go into the next act of our life.

So yeah, so what's some science behind? Because we hear, oh, be grateful. And that that just opens up a whole Pandora's box. So I'd love to hear for the the nerds like me who want to hear some science behind it. I, you know, I absolutely love the science and I love starting there. I think there's, there's actually to, two kind of areas that I want to cover. So I think it's really important to talk about it. You know, a lot of people think kind of the, you know, like gratitude being kind of woowoo or, you know, a little out there, you know, I can't really see it.

I can't really like, how do you know? How do I know it actually works? So I really like digging into the science. And I think one of the I psychology today did a study with the seven benefits, seven Proven Benefits of gratitude. And I think it's one of the, biggest and, you know, kind of widest, research. We got out. Right. Sorry. I still lose my mind. I claim I still lose my work sometimes. I quoted, biggest quoted study, you know what I mean? But gratitude is scientifically proven to the seven seven benefits

The Science of Gratitude and Stress Relief 11:30

are, to improve the quality of your relationships to, increase, better health and your, in terms of, like, fewer aches and pains, things like that, to decrease anger and decrease anxiety and increase happiness. It turns on those happy hormones to enhance empathy and reduce angry outburst to sleep better. Like that's I don't know how many people there. You're listening. Raise the virtual. And that's always my favorite. To really just be comfortable in your own skin and, you know, to really kind of increase that self-worth.

And then, of course, my favorite one is to increase mental strength, which of course, is what I call fortitude. And that is important. But I also think that, there were four different studies that looked at gratitude, gratitude and PTSD from collective trauma. So they there four different studies for different, you know, years different like they were completely different, but they all showed the same thing. So I like talking about them as a collective because they looked at PTSD in trauma and collective trauma.

So, 911 survivors, earthquake survivors, school shooting survivors, and interestingly, the Vietnam veterans. So, some of the studies were done soon after the traumatic event. And obviously the Vietnam study was was done years after. So it didn't matter whether it was short or long. The results were the same in that gratitude helped to decrease those, all of the, the PTSD symptoms and increase those levels of happiness. And I think that that's important to, you know, especially over the last few years that we've had in kind of a global collective trauma that we we've all been through.

And, you know, whether it's affected you greatly or not, we still kind of experience it, you know, and I think we are going to for a while and, you know, having gone through that, that, you know, looking at it not just from an individual perspective and what gratitude can do for me, but also as a collective, you know, in, in these things that we go through together as well, how beneficial gratitude is. Absolutely. And if you think about its effect on like the prefrontal cortex, it actually stimulates there.

And then it actually stimulates like this craving that you want to be you want to be a giver. And so it's like it's this beautiful feedback loop of you. You are grateful. And then you want to think you you know, you do nice things and and people are grateful to you, for you. And then they get that feeling and they go out. It's kind of like this paying it forward. Random acts of kindness, random acts of gratitude. Yeah. Well, and, Rick Hansen, I think was the scientist that did this study. And basically, 80% of our thoughts are negative and 20% are positive.

So, you know, we kind of look at gratitude as, or look at these thoughts as the negative thoughts are kind of like Teflon or I'm sorry that the negative thoughts are like like Velcro, like the negative thoughts kind of come at you. And the 20% of the positive thoughts are kind of like the Teflon. And gratitude starts to reverse that. Because back to the science. It is scientifically proven that gratitude and negative emotions cannot occupy the same space in your brain, even if it's just for that moment in time.

So, you know, even if we can't reverse it to eight to the 80, 20 to 20, 80, you know, but to to start making those negative thoughts and those negative experiences, you know, be that Teflon. Right, to just kind of the water off the duck's back and to have gratitude like you were talking about, like gratitude, be that Velcro like, I just want to experience more and more and more, you know, kind of like an addiction, but in a very good way. I love that. I love that visual. That's something the listeners, we can really take that.

And, and I always wonder, it's like, why are we wired to be 80% negative and 20% positive? I would have been so much easier if it was the other way around. Right? I mean, our brains are designed to protect us. So if kind of a good thing is supposed to keep us safe, but, you know, we've really gotten carried away with what we need to be safe from. But as you were talking, I was thinking, right, it's like gratitude is this muscle. And so you have to really be flexing it. And so if you are, it's not to beat yourself up when you're going down that 80% way because you're just wired that way.

But to then catch yourself and be like, wait a second, what can I be grateful for in this moment? And there's there's always something to be grateful for, right? Whether it's profound or I find so much gratitude in just the mundane things of like, there's so much beauty there. And so I'd love to know what is a day of gratitude look like in the Gratitude Queen's life? What could you tell? Oh, really quick though, can I get into, just one more thing in terms of just the health aspect, with gratitude, and I'm sure you're going to have a lot of other women going into this topic really deep.

So, I just wanted to kind of just put it together in about 90s. Is that, in a nutshell? Right. Stress increases inflammation and an inflammatory response in our body. And with again, back to the science that gratitude helps to decrease that stress. Right. So it's going to helps to decrease that inflammation and decrease that stress and and really just help us keep us healthier. And again, I know I'm sure you have speakers who are going to go into this in depth in this. But I did want to touch that and just, you know, kind of make that point so that when you do listen to some of the other speakers, you can kind of think back to the gratitude and why it works.

Now, I love that, like you and I are like so needed red headed sisters. And we did it, you know, because that that's so important to me and such an important message that here because stress I mean, I always say stress is 99.99999% of all issues we have going on. And then patients so often come in and they're looking for something to take for stress, be it an herb or a vitamin, which is all fine and dandy, but I want to get to the root cause. And if you can use and I do, I take my prescription pad.

And I never write for drugs. I write for gratitude, I for vacations. And so if you can just listen to what Holly said,

Daily Gratitude Practices and Reframing Life 18:30

and if you have stress in your life, if you can stop in that moment and think about what could you be grateful for in this situation, you are self-medicating. You are lowering your stress levels, and maybe you'll still need an herb or something, but maybe you want. Maybe you. Maybe you got this just by using the power of great gratitude. So I love that you brought that up. That's such a powerful point. I mean, it's the same with also we're talking about like how it rewires your brain and it increases dopamine and so many of us get into addictions because we want that dopamine hit.

And you can feed that to yourself just by being grateful, you know, wait for the next bell to ring on Facebook or the next sugar or the next drug or gambling or whatever it be. You can you can handle that yourself and just see the world with such new eyes. So I love that you took time to bring that up. Thank you. Yeah, yeah. And you had asked about kind of my day and you know, I, I really I start with, gratitude in terms of, I do kind of a gratitude prayer kind of joint, first thing in the morning.

And, you know, really the gratitude is not just to kind of the day itself, but then also, I kind of future pacing my day. Right? So thinking about all the things that are going to happen that day and saying that I'm grateful for them, like they already happened and I think that that's so important because that also starts to help that rewiring, you know, like, like you said, like I am now. I'm now going through my day looking right, subconsciously looking for things that I'm grateful for. Yeah. Just an example.

The, the produce guy. Peter, the produce guy, he. Every time I go in, he always remembers. He always asked me what I made for dinner, and he always remembers that the next time. Like he remembers that I love organic collard greens to put in my smoothie, and he knows where to wear what I get when they don't have. And he's always ask me about, like, what I need for dinner. And he remembers and to me like going to the grocery store. I'm so grateful because, you know, like I'm just thinking like, oh, I get to see Peter and we get to have a conversation, right?

And, you know, it's just the little things like you're talking about, like it's just the little things. It doesn't have to be anything big or grandiose. And then the little things start to, to kind of stack up on each other. And, you know, I kind of think of it like the, the reticular activating system. And there might be some people in the summit, they get into this as, into this deeper as well. But, the best example I can give was my, my 14 year old truck was parked, but it was involved in a hit and run, so no one was hurt.

It was parked and it was just this random chain of events. And this was quite a few, almost a year ago, actually, when, like, there was this weird vortex in the universe where used cars were actually better price than, or new cars or better price than used cars. And so anyway, so I got the insurance money and we got like a military discount on the whole thing. And I ended up getting, I was looking at a used Hyundai Tucson, and I thought that that was the car that I wanted. And the sales guy was like, and I'm so I haven't even been there in person yet.

And the sales guy was like, well, I have a brand new Hyundai Kona. It's a little bit smaller, but it's only $2,000 more and it's brand new. And the one I was looking at was like 40,000 miles. And I'm like, okay, that's a no brainer. And I didn't even know what a Kona was. I'm like, what is it? And I had to go online and look, I didn't even know the car existed, but it was a smaller version of the Tucson. And so now I got this like, you know, brand new, happy little kind. It's the perfect little empty nester car for me.

I didn't need anything bigger, exciting. And, but now I see them everywhere, and I didn't even know the car existed. Right. So that's kind of how my day is with gratitude. Like, you know, I just go out there and just, like, it's just kind of everywhere that I go and, you know, and then I also, you know, bookend my eat my night before I go to bed and, and, you know, just kind of imprint that gratitude before I go to sleep. But, you know, and I and I think in terms of a gratitude practice is a journey.

It's not a destination. You don't get a medal when you're finished. Like there's no. Yeah. You know, like there's no mile markers. But gratitude starts and and, you know, the students that I coach, gratitude starts with kind of what you do and it and I would say it ends, but it becomes who you are. So, you know, kind of starting that gratitude practice, there's a lot of to do stuff. But then that lessens more and more over time. And it just kind of becomes like the air that you breathe. So, you know, I still do the practices, but it's it's not like I have to do them to have the gratitude, if that makes sense.

Yeah. You've you've worked your gratitude muscle. You are. Yeah. You are. You are in shape. I need to do more push ups. But gratitude regret. So I'd like to also talk because I'm very aware always of when we're talking about being grateful. And if someone is listening and they're really in a, in a dark space or not in their best and, and it feels like, well, should I just fake it or how do I be grateful? And that it's okay to feel all the emotions. And so I'd just love to have you speak to that.

I think that's such an important topic. Absolutely. And, you know, and here's, here's the thing and, you know, you're you're you you listening? You're going to have to be the one. Or if you're working, you know, with, with a professional to kind of make that distinction. But there is a time and a place to be in the emotions, to be in the blues and the feels and the, you know, I just don't want to be grateful. And when Mama Fortitude passed, I did not want to be grateful. And I was knee deep in my in my I have five levels of gratitude.

And I was probably at a solid level for, I mean, I was knee deep in my gratitude practice and, but I did not want to be grateful. But there's a time and a place to be in the feels and to acknowledge those very raw, real emotions. And there's also a time and a place to move on and to start taking those steps. And, you know, I kind of joke that when I mean, I was literally like a child throwing a tantrum, like, I don't want to be grateful, you know, because like, I like gratitude. That's what I do. Right?

And I feel like I was forcing myself to be grateful because that's like, that's me. That's what I do. That's my brand. Yeah. Gratitude. And I was like that. Like I had this, like, pressure. And I'm like, having this, this, this tantrum with myself. And it was the funniest thing because one day I was all of a sudden I was like, I am grateful for my yellow pencil. And I had this, like, stupid little mechanical yellow pencil. It's a it's a pencil. Like it doesn't get any more in it than a pencil. And I was like, I'm grateful for my pencil.

I just love my pencil. And it opened the door, I thought, was it just opened the door so it doesn't. Again, it doesn't have to be grandiose. It doesn't have to be forest. It just kind of happened. And, you know, and the thing to is, at 75% of individuals, that, that I polled who have some type of, you know, kind of chronic

Gratitude Through Grief and Emotional Sludge 26:30

illness condition, whatever love. They say that they love the concept of gratitude. They just can't get it to stick. And what I found in my last several years, between my own research and then working, you know, with my students and the women in my community, is that gratitude is is failing people for a reason. And if you find that you can't get it to work, like you make the list and you say the affirmations and you do the things and you you have the good intentions and it just isn't working. Yeah, I always kind of say and there's and this is like a whole, you know, ten hour conversation.

But I always say that practicing gratitude is not the best way to get started with gratitude. And, you know, those those are great. Those actions are great. And they are a great way. They are great things to do. And they definitely help. So I'm not saying don't do them right. But if everyone says to do that, but then, you know, I hold 75% of the people say that it doesn't stick. There's a disconnect there somewhere. Right? So why is it that so many people, you know, say they love the concept of gratitude?

They just can't get it to stick? And, you know, and part of it is that I always like to say you have to meet gratitude where gratitude is at. And like gratitude meet you where you're at. And if you've had a child, you've probably heard this advice, right, or grandchild that, you really have to learn and practice and master gratitude on your own terms. And more often than that, that starts with like peeling away that emotional sludge on the inside. Because when that inside is that clogged drain, you know, that that where, you know, like when the drain is clogged your bathroom sink and you're brushing your teeth and you've got this, but it's floating on top.

Yes. And then there's like a piece of, food from last night's dinner that comes on, lodged from your tooth. And then there's, like, a piece of gunk that kind of pops up from the pipe, and then you've got this, like, pool of water from the clogged sink, and then all this, like, crap going on, right? Like, that's kind of sometimes what we're dealing with with this emotional sludge. Like, I'm trying to be graphic for a reason. Right? I'm seeing it. Yeah, right. Like we've all had we've had dreams. But that's kind of what that emotional sludge is like.

And it's really hard to be grateful when that's still so heavy. Right. So you can do the things and do the things and do the things, and that's great and it's a great start. But that's why I see that the gratitude doesn't stick because we still have that that heaviness and that emotional sludge that we need to start, you know, kind of kind of, you know, peeling away ad over time. Exactly. And I love what you said about the pencil because you can really you can walk with both, you can hold both. You can be feeling sad and then you can still hold gratitude.

And, and I think what you were just saying makes so much sense. And it just makes me think getting it to stick, like really being honest with yourself and not just going through the motions. I'm grateful for my body. I'm grateful for my house. I'm grateful for the sun, but like really stopping and really thinking about it. And if you can feel it and own it and let it saturate into your cells, then you're you're starting to get somewhere and you're really starting to get the benefits. And yeah, it's not.

So no one should walk away from this conversation and feel like they should just gratitude is going to change their life tomorrow. It is a process. And if you're having a journey and yes, you're having trouble with it, that's why we have Holly on. She has to support you. And you mentioned the five stages of gratitude. These are these are my own personal five stages. This isn't, this is just kind of what I've seen people go through. This is it. This is, It's not like it's a big science study or anything like that.

But I start with the grumpy worrier, right? The one the gratitude kind of seems impossible. And then, it's the the grateful Yo-Yo, right? Where it's like, one step forward, two steps back. Right? Like, you know, you kind of get some traction. Then you're like, oh, something bad happened. Then you get some traction. You're like, something bad happened. And then level three is the grateful thermostat. So like, you're starting to make progress and you're like super excited and you're grateful like you're when you're happy, you're grateful.

But then you let other people kind of dictate those emotions, right? So, you know, the spouse comes home from work in a bad mood, and then all of a sudden you're in a bad mood and the gratitude just gets thrown out the window. Right? So it's like you try you just it's like close. It's just not quite sticking. And then level four, I call steadfast with fortitude. And that's really be like really starting to feel that inner strength in the inner resilience that, you know, the storms are all kind of happening and you're starting to just be that kind of that rock in the middle of the storm.

And and even though everything's going on, you feel that just inner peace about you. And then level five is what I call the grateful warrior. And that's when, you know, you kind of have that place you're in that place where that the negative things happen in life, the storms happen in life, and you are grateful because, you know, there's opportunities, you know, there's lessons in that. There's gifts and you know that all of this is happening for you and not to you, and you accept it, that this is a good thing because better things are going to happen.

I don't care if there's a science study or not or not. And really and I love that. And so true. And yeah, as you were saying, this thing that could be applied to changing your diet or getting into a healthy lifestyle, that is really the progression that we go through. So that was yeah. Yeah, it's just it's the way it's just kind of a fun way that I help my, you know, the women in my community kind of understand that it's a journey. Like you're not going to get it, you're not going to graduate and get a medal.

And all of a sudden, you know, it's just kind of these are different stages. And and it's a lifelong process. And, you know, like I said, like when to three years ago when mom afforded to die, like I was at a solid what I would consider a solid level four. And I was down at level, you know, but I had I had those tools to kind of, you know, pick myself up, and kind of like, okay, this is what you got to do exactly.

Menopause, Fortitude, and Life Transitions 33:00

And much better to drop down to a one than to falsely stay in a 4 or 5 and make yourself feel like we have to feel it. You said we have to feel the feels. Yes. So we're talking about stages and we're talking about menopause and we haven't spoke specifically about menopause. And in some way that's okay. Because just because you're perimenopausal or going through menopause or gone through menopause, cause you still are a human being and menopause is just a transition to me. It's this opportunity to really evaluate.

And so maybe this is the time where you're gonna you've been grateful and you're just going to keep doing you're already a grateful warrior. Or maybe you're realizing, wow, this is a this is something I can really start to embrace and journey on. So what would you say about building fortitude during menopause? Do you have any any tips for the ladies? You know and and, you know, you you kind of really hit it. I mean, I think it's it's such an important time of our life. And like I said, I kind of went through this very like so I've been in the middle of this for 12 years.

But, you know, I think it's such an important, you know, transition that the perimenopause menopause, and it's not just all of the stuff that our bodies are going through. Like I said, there's all these life events that kind of happen at the same time. And, you know, and just looking at it from a holistic perspective that, you know, you've got all these changes and you've got all these life events and, you know, you could you could look at it at the, you know, the 80% of the negative, or you could look at it at the 20% of the positive.

Or you can like flip it, right. You could flip the script, as they say, and you know, and start thinking, okay, what are the opportunities? What are the gaps? What are the lessons? Right? How can I grow from this? And, you know, and, you know, listening to your body and some of the stuff that it's going through and okay, you know, maybe, maybe I'm not treating myself the way I should be. Maybe I'm not eating the way I should be. Maybe I should be exercising more or changing up my exercise routine.

Or maybe I should be, you know, the the the kids are going off to college. Maybe I should focus on my relationship with my source. Maybe I should focus on my relationship with myself. Maybe I should not have everything around me make me happy. Maybe I should find out what makes me happy, not based on the relationships that I have with my spouse or my kids that are now gone. Or maybe I have grandkids and I'm now having a like, there's all these things that are going on at that time, right? There's so many opportunities, right, to look at these transitions in our life to say, you know, you know, this is a chance for me to learn and to grow for us.

My husband's parents are 93 and 88, and we are dealing right now with, hospice, long term care and then potentially with his dad and then, potentially putting his mother in, a home if she can't live independent when he goes. So, you know, we're 55 and 51, so we're like, okay, you know what? We don't kind of want to be in our 90 year old without a plan. So we're doing all of our estate planning, right? So we spent this entire year taking care of our future. Right. So I mean, what a gift, right? So we could kind of look at that situation.

If it has something to do with menopause, it just has to do with this time in our life. Right. So we could look at that as, oh my goodness, oh my goodness, oh my goodness. Or be like, oh hey, you know what. Let's plant. Let's make a game plan. Let's take this opportunity and let's learn and let's grow from it. So, you know, those are the things that you can start to do is really just start reframing it and start looking at those gifts and those opportunities and be grateful for the changes and the transitions that that happened during this time.

I love the word opportunity. That is because there's always just how you said it. There's always an opportunity, and it really is just looking at it with different eyes. And I was thinking this I've been in menopause postmenopausal now for I guess six years already. Wow. Okay. And I was thinking, oh well, I'm grateful for sex without worrying about getting pregnant. I'm worry. I'm grateful for hormones that are just stable and don't fluctuate with proper bioidentical replacement. I'm grateful for wisdom.

Has anyone ever asked you like, would you like go back and be in high school or 20 again? And I think it's like, no way. I love the wisdom that comes with aging. And although it's all been great, I just I wouldn't trade the wisdom and the self-esteem and being content, well, that just happens over time. It's a progression. And so there's so many things to be grateful for about this time. Kids out of the house. Freedom grandbaby. There's so much good that happens in this time. And we are living as women.

I'm listed back in the day. Well, if you lived to 30, you lived a long life and now 100 is very reasonable. I'm planning to 130. And so we're spending so much of our life in menopause. Yeah, that it's a good idea to take out your pennies and start thinking about what you're grateful for, whether you're going through the transition or even if you're struggling. As Holly said, what are the opportunities?

Resources, Quiz, and Closing Thoughts 38:30

Who are you going to find to guide you? What are you going to change? There's always something to find and grow that gratitude muscle. Yeah. So where can where can women, where can I find you? Where can women find you? Tell us about your gratitude community. Yeah, absolutely. So, the easiest place is pink fortitude.com. And if you go to, can you tell me about the the quiz and the resources? Yes. Okay. So if you go to Pink Portage, Yukon, it will be there. But you can go to Pink fortitude.com/quiz and it's a free place you can take.

It's about two minutes long. And it basically will give you your gratitude personality. And based on based on your personality, you'll be taken to a customized results page with, resources for, how you can get started with gratitude that's based on your personality. Because remember, I talked about meeting gratitude where it's at and having gratitude meet you where you're at. So, you know, rather than just a free gift for everyone, I wanted to make sure it's kind of customized. You know, based on your gratitude personality.

I love that, and I love that there are there are nuances to gratitude and that it's really I'm all about bio individuality and treating the individual patients. So even in gratitude, you can break it down to what's going to serve your Constitution best. So that's beautiful. Well, I for one, am very grateful for this, for this conversation we just had like right here. And thank you so much for having me. And I look forward to connecting with everyone. Yes. So and just been a great, great, great talk and a wonderful thing that I hope all you listeners really listen to and you're going to want to listen to again, because it is a process, and gratitude can take you places that you might not have dreamed and can really enhance your life and your transition through menopause and beyond.

And so figure out something you can be grateful for. Once we're done here and write it down and start your journey and make sure you check out Holly's quiz. Thank you. You.