Heal And Conceive: Emotional Health Keys

Introduction to Christine Hassler 0:00

Welcome back to the Super Fertility Summit. I have such an incredible episode for you right now with Christine Hassler. Christine, you're a master coach, spiritual psychologist, facilitator, and speaker with 20 years of experience. You're the bestselling author of three books, most recently expectation, hangover. Free yourself from your past. Change your present and get what you really want and you're the host of the top rated podcast Over It and on with It where you coach. People live on this show.

You're also the co-founder of Elementum Coaching Institute a premiere coaching certification program. You're known globally for your ability to identify what's holding someone back and compassionately guide them to clarity. I'm so excited to have you here because you have a really incredible journey of your own. When it comes to being a mom and having your super baby, and you have, professional background and expertise that has been so valuable for you in your own fertility and in supporting other women.

So I'm so excited to have you here. Christine, thank you so much for being here to share with us. well, thank you. And thank you for being such a good friend to me at the time when I was calling in my super baby. You're welcome. It was my absolute pleasure. And we have I always I feel like I claim them all as my own. All the super babies. I'm so blessed to have thousands of them. And we have beautiful super baby girl, Athena Grace. And it's just so beautiful to watch you in your motherhood

Christineu2019s Fertility Journey 1:58

and in your, your full motherhood power and authority. And I would love for you to. I always like to start the conversation by thinking from the end. And so when we wrap up our conversation, what's the one thing that you hope that a woman, a man, a person of any gender, listening to our voices right now will be able to take away with them. To get out of trying to fix something, to get out of trying to figure out a problem or find a solution. and more into a lot of compassion, trust, reflection and surrender.

that's so beautiful. I think that that first statement is going to blow some people's minds because when you're somebody who wants a baby more than anything and it's not happening easily for you, as will be the case for not everyone listening, but for many people listening, it's hard to imagine a reality in which you're not constantly spinning or trying to solve the problem in your mind, or in your outer actions, right? And so I I'm really curious to hear you say, how how did you stay in compassion, trust, reflection and surrender?

I didn't stay there all the time because you had my mom trying to fix it. So maybe I'll just share a little of my fertility journey. To set some context with that would be helpful. Please. Yes. So I was married and in my late 20s and divorced in my early 30s, and at 35 I bought into all the age related fear tactics around fertility and my geriatric age. Now they call it advanced maternal age. I mean, geez, Louise. As if that's even better. I have no comment on that. But, and so I went into a little bit of panic about my eggs, and I went and got evaluated all my numbers, and they weren't looking good.

And so I made the decision to freeze my eggs, and I had to go through two cycles because they didn't get a lot. I had had problems with my hormones and not not getting my period, and just had always been an issue for me for for a while. And so I froze my eggs, which, you know, after getting a divorce and going through basically IVF, the whole process without the implementation piece. Yeah, it's it's a lot. It's very emotional. It's very physical and it's very expensive. And I was doing all that and divorced alone, single like, you know, it was about two years after my divorce, maybe three.

Can't remember. Anyway. And everybody said, oh, you must really want a baby because you're doing this. And I said, I think I do, but mostly I don't want to be because I again, was still buying into my life that fertility hadn't an expiration date. And granted, I wasn't thinking I was going to get pregnant in my 60s, but I kind of saw myself in my early 40s assuming that, you know, if I didn't get pregnant before 40, like I was going to have to use these eggs. And so I didn't want to not have that choice.

And also it was kind of an insurance policy, and it helped me like I didn't want to get married again and get divorced again. Like I didn't want to get married because I really knew. I was clear that if I was going to have a child, I wanted to do with a partner. I know a lot of people that have children without a partner, and they do an amazing job, and that's the family they choose. I think we all get to choose what family works for us, and I really wanted a partner and I didn't want to, like, beat myself up if I wasn't able to do it.

And I didn't want to get into a relationship, that actually wasn't what I want to, just because I was trying to beat this clock. And I think especially, you know, women, we feel that we feel that tick tock and that pressure and that, you know, there's a sense of urgency and often a sense of panic that goes with it. And so it was even though it was hard, it was a good choice. And I'm glad I did it. And when I can when 40 came around I was still single. And then shortly after that I met my husband and a couple years went by and I was really on the fence about whether or not I wanted a baby for many reasons.

one, I really liked my life and yes, amazing things. two I was by then in my more mid 40s, I was like, oh, I don't know, you haven't. And three I as much as I've worked on myself, I know I worry and I worry about people I love, and I didn't know if I could handle the tremendous joy of having a child, but also the intense heartbreak of one trying for a child, and then to having a child and loving something so much because I knew it would trigger worry and anxiety in me. And I'm like, can I handle that?

So really honest conversations with myself. And then in January of 2021, I went for the second time to Dr. Joe Dispenza's, advanced Retreat. And I made my sole intention getting clarity around whether or not I wanted to be open to motherhood. And I was able to get out of my head, and I was able to see I was making the decision from a more fear based place than from a log base place. And I really just chose, okay, I'm going to surrender. And if this happens, it happens. I'm going to give myself a year.

Best and Worst Fertility Trends 7:54

I'll try to get pregnant naturally. If that doesn't happen. We have the eggs, but I know I can kind of only take a year of putting myself through this and that. That timeline might have changed if different things had changed, but that was sort of and it came from it didn't come from a strategy place. It came from this is what feels, like what I can do, what my nervous system can handle and what feels aligned for me. And that at that retreat, I actually got pregnant. Yeah, that was my first pregnancy.

And we got pregnant on the first try and I was like, whoa, oh my. Like, how did that happen? And we were I was very excited and it was very sudden. And I was like, wow, that's amazing. And then I had a miscarriage at nine weeks. And then I was devastated. And this is the part that I'm going to say that is just so vulnerable and so honest and may ruffle some feathers. So we appreciate it. We appreciate it. Thank you for your courage. Yeah. Well, what I notice from the miscarriage is one. Yes, it made me want a baby even more.

But I also noticed it increase my attachment because it what? As soon as it felt like something I couldn't have, I wanted it more. And I think that's an important conversation for us to have in this summit is just being honest with ourselves. Like when we feel like our body's broken or we can't have it, does that make us want it more to prove that? Like, we can do it? And I think that's there's definitely the element of us, a sincere, pure desire for a child that I'm not saying isn't there. I'm just saying in my personal experience, I noticed that and I had to go, whoa, okay, there's a part of me here that wants this more because all my friends are pregnant.

I two really good friends, pregnant at the exact same time. I was the only one who lost the baby, and I had to watch them go through their pregnancy and their gender reveals and all the things. And I could feel that part of me that was like, something's wrong with me, and I have to do this. Like I have to be able to prove it. And I could also feel the part that really wanted the child. But I had to make sure that this part that wanted more. Now that I thought I couldn't have it, that I was just really honest at that part, was there.

Does that make sense? It makes a lot of sense, yes. So for me, what I eventually got to, I gave myself some space and I had to get really honest. I had to go, okay, like I can still be surrendered. And I need to be really honest. Like, is this something not just pregnancy, not just a baby, but parenthood for the rest of my life? Yes. Because I think when we're trying to get pregnant and we're, you know, wanting that pregnancy to go for full term, we lose sight of, like, I'm not just signing up for pregnancy and baby, I'm signing up for a teenager.

I'm signing up for a lot of things here. And for me, again, putting fear aside, the answer was yes. And and I knew I'd be okay if it didn't happen to, so I was able to let go of attachment once. I really like dealt with that part that wanted it because I couldn't have it and everybody else was getting it. And also once I got really weird with what my really real with what my concerns were and could still stay in that, like I'm okay even if this doesn't happen. And I told my husband I'm like I can do one more miscarriage.

That's it. That's all I've got space for. So we can try again and and see. And three months after that pregnancy loss, I got pregnant. And now I have a two year old named Athena Grace. and I did not use my ex. And yet again, another reason I'm glad I had them because it offered me. It took some stress out. And I know you talk about stress and fertility, but I will say I am a woman who got pregnant naturally and actually quite easily weaned the first time. One miscarriage three months later again, first time pregnancy, full term home birth.

in my mid 40s. Yes. So I think that's important to acknowledge because there might be people listening that think that that's not possible. And it is it is possible. Yes. So beautiful. Thank you. There was so much that you shared, Christine, that no one's ever said before. so I want to thank you for that so much. Thank you. I would love for you to share with us what you see as the best and worst fertility trends right now. I mean, if we think about the feminine super power of receptivity, basically we are the receivers.

If we're looking at traditional conception. Right? What I think what a lot of, of people get into, especially the person that's going to be carrying the baby that needs to be the receiver. There has to be an element of receiving to get pregnant. Like there's no way around that. We always say receiving. Receiving your super baby. That's like our our term. Yes, yes. but there's so much like trying to make it happen and and doing and trying to fix things on like the physical level. And I'm using the word fix intentionally because often there is a belief that your body's broken in some way.

You're not getting pregnant. You're not getting your super baby. Whatever your belief may be. And it's like I'm going to do this fast and I'm do this cleanse. I'm going to take the supplement. And what I think is so important to to look at instead of those things. Because I'll tell you, when I got pregnant, I didn't do any hormone testing. I've no idea where my bones were. I wasn't on any particular diet. I had just lived a pretty healthy lifestyle, a very healthy lifestyle, since my 20s, because I just really valued health.

And so but I see a lot of people just trying to get into this. Let me fix on the physical level, and what they maybe aren't paying as much attention to is emotional trauma that hasn't been resolved in their body. physical trauma that hasn't been resolved in their body, belief systems that haven't been updated, generational trauma that's been, you know, oftentimes the soul doesn't want to come in because generational trauma hasn't been cleared. And generational trauma can look like I mean, people kind of think it's like abuse or alcoholism, but it can also look like everybody, people, places or everybody represses their emotions or, you know, what is that where there's a lot of codependence or a measurement?

I, I have to say, especially in the world that I work in, the souls coming in now are up for a big challenge in terms of the world they're inheriting. And they want less to clear like they want to come in with cleaner slates. I don't know if you're feeling this too but it's something I very much notice. And so these super baby souls are really calling us forward to do some really courageous inner work. And I don't think you have to be perfect and you have to have no issues to get pregnant. I certainly have my stuff.

Athena has been a great teacher and and showing me things that I still am working on. Of course, for all of us. Every day, all day. All day. yeah, it's so funny. I just as an aside, I was like, I thought I was so evolved. And then I got married. I thought it was so evolved. And then I had a kid. It's like, oh, wow, you are back to kindergarten. yeah, but but all joking aside, like, the inner work is so important. So look at where, you know, this is another thing I see. And this could be like a touchy area to go into.

I will go, I will go there. Okay. We receive that. Because this is 20 years of working with people, and having my own experience. So there are a lot of people that did not receive love as children that really weren't loved in the way that they deserved, in the way that they needed. and our love starved on some level, like real, real love. There's maybe spiritually disconnected. Maybe they have some love in their relationship, but there's still an inner child within them that never felt loved. And often the desire for a child is actually also a desire

Mothering Yourself and Releasing Pressure 17:28

for an inner child to be loved and received. So I have seen many people that speak about women in particular get pregnant, have a child, and then almost kind of expect that child to heal them like a very subconscious, but like want a child because they want to experience the love they never felt as children. and that's a burden to put on a kid, you know? And again, it can be very, very subconscious. So what we want to just be aware of is that a child never fills a void. That's right. Before, a child actually isn't there to love us.

That's not then that's not their job or their role. That's right. Well, exactly. And so we want to be in a place where we are, we parenting ourselves. We're giving that inner child within ourselves the love, the attention, the kindness, the compassion, the consistency that it deserves so that we're not unknowingly and subconsciously wanting a child so we can finally feel the love that we've been starved for our entire life. That's really incredible. And I, we talk a lot about mothering ourselves and finding the places within ourselves that need to be mothered in order to step fully into our our identity of mother and our fertile power and self authority.

But the way that you've said this is, is really different from any thing that I have. I have, I have, I have heard before from what I've thought about, and I think it's a it's a really, really powerful and interesting message. And I do think that you said something so important, which is that it's not our children's responsibility role, our job to love us or to fill any void. And they're also not there to please us in any way. They're there to be their own self-contained being in the world and to to be as they are meant to be, not not in any way as our vision is for them.

So I think that that's a really powerful, beautiful thing to share with the world. Thank you so much for that. Yeah. And I'll just add to that, you know. Something that I think is important. And this is something that I've heard and I've said, and I'm sure you've heard it and say in motherhood so much is that self-care as a parent is huge. Like taking care of ourselves is one of the best things we can do for our children. It's the only use metaphor of putting the oxygen mask on ourselves first. And I think for anyone in a fertility journey, it's it's important to not have your life on hold.

You know, not have your life on pause to to not. And I can't understand and empathize with with how painful it is when you're you've been on a fertility journey for a long time and you really want that. And as much as you can bring the awareness to the things in your life that are amazing and that you do have and and imagine also how great your life could be if you didn't have a child, or if a child came in another way, you know, through adoption or through some other way. That was one thing that was really helpful for me is to say, okay, having my own biological child is is one way of mothering.

And quite frankly, it was my preferred way. And there are lots of other ways for that to express. And I, I really sad and I can live a full amazing life and mother in lots of different ways, even if I never have children of my own. And people may say, well that's a cop out, you got to like put your intention in what you want. And what I have found is it's more the frequency, it's more the emotion that resides inside that attracts things than this laser focused intention. This is what I have to think about.

You know, to me, that's more rigid, more femme, more masculine, more directive. The other is more feminine, more expansive. So if you can really fall in love with your life now, mother yourself like all that nurturing energy that you're feeling, all the love you have that you want to give a child, to give that to yourself. Take baby yourself. Take exquisite care of yourself that's going to put you in the mothering energy more than tracking your hormones and tracking your macros and tracking and whatever else you're tracking that is going to put you in that that mothering, loving space.

And from my perspective, that's going to create more of the results, inner and outer than all that hypervigilance, trying to make it happen. One thing that's so beautiful about what you're saying is this is so aligned with the Prime Minister protocol that we say our thoughts are a number one epigenetic input by the sheer frequency with which that information is being put into our system, and that it's everybody comes with that. Give me the checklist of what to eat and what supplements to take. And those things matter.

And we always find invariably, that the keys to unlocking your own innate fertility, which already resides within you, is at the psychosexual level of the fertility and pregnancy pyramid, which means it's always the inner work first. And yet nobody really wants to do it. It's harder. It's harder to check the box. It's harder to find the finish line. And everybody wants. Rotational like to actually look at your stuff, then take three supplements a day at know. Totally. It's yeah it you're right. It's it's confronting.

And again back to kind of what I was saying. Like sometimes we think like having a baby and maybe giving that child the childhood we didn't have and like that that's going to fix things. Again. This can be subconscious and that in itself can be the block because that soul and your soul both know, like we're going to start here. And, you know, I love what you say about how I can't remember what your stats are, but that like, very the the numbers of people who are truly infertile are much lower than society tells us.

Approximately 3% of the human population gets very low. So unless that tells us that something something's going on here and it's it's often not on the physical level, it is on the emotional level. I know for sure that I don't know for sure, but I'm going to pretty,

What Super Fertility Means 24:58

I'm gonna guess, make a strong assumption that had I not really dealt with my sexual trauma, I don't know that I would have gotten pregnant. I don't know that I would have, because that area of my body did not feel safe to receive. That's right. It did not feel safe. It felt like a place I needed to just disconnect from, because that was the only way I could cope. And so, you know, although these, these, these places are hard to go to, they're often hard to talk about. They feel overwhelming. It's like in the past, time heals all wounds.

It doesn't it may distance us from them, but the body remembers. Body remembers. And when we're talking about fertility, like there's a body involved, right? There's actually the ball. Yeah. So so it's it's it's so. And that's why you and I are so aligned is because we're like, we I'd love to give you a list of mantras I read or listen, supplements I took or some yoga positions that I did or some detox plan and all that might have been helpful, but I know 100% it was the inner work. That's right.

That's exactly right. And I know that that's why the Primester protocol is the magic that it is for people, because it's the only place in the world where that is one of the primary areas of focus. Right. and, and people don't like it at first, but it ends up being it ends up being the answer for them. And it's it's so powerful. I would love to know this. I think we've already answered this question, but let me ask it directly. If someone could only do one thing to take care of their fertility and their the health of their future babies.

In your mind, what's that one thing. Mother themselves remember be the mother or parent you didn't have. Really mother. That baby inside of you. And that means a lot of things. You know you think of everything that parenting and mothering. It's, it's, it's a lot of things and so be that for yourself. I love that so much. And last question what is super fertility mean to you. What does it look like. What does it feel like. see what fertility is to me. Oh my gosh, it's so much more than pregnancy and having a baby.

Yeah, it's super fertility is everything about the second chakra. It is about creating amazing relationships. It is about connecting with people. It is about creating art. It is about dancing. It's about music. It's about creating businesses. It's about ideas. It's about being lit up about life. It's about being open and receptive and just turned on and grateful that we get to like, live and create in this incredible world that we have the freedom to create. So much of what we want. Are so beautiful.

I love it, lit up about life and turned on and grateful that we get to be and create in this beautiful world. And I have to say that that feeling right there is such a healing feeling to lead with every day of your life and every as many moments of every day as you possibly can. Because obviously life comes with its ups and downs, and it's not always easy to occupy that frame of mind, that emotion, that space. But wow, if we can have that be our baseline and our home base and keep coming back to that as many seconds of the day as possible, we are in really good shape and our fertility is too super to so beautiful.

Yeah, absolutely. Thank you so much for being here and for this one of a kind conversation that is really unlike anything else that we've talked about thus far in the summit. Thank you. So much. Oh, it's my pleasure. And and you know, to everyone watching like my heart is with you. And I just know I just know that whatever is for your highest good, like trust that it's going to come through. We really trust that. I know it's hard when we're really trying and when we really, really want something.

Well, when we can release the grip, even just even just 50%, that's when often the clearing of the roadblocks happens. So, And that that release the grip even just 50%, that's often when the clearing of the roadblocks happens. So beautiful. Thank you so much for being here, Christine Hassler, thank you. Thank you so much. Thanks for it's a it's a pleasure to have you. And thank you so much for being here to share this interview with us. Yeah. My pleasure. that was so magical. Oh, so. So magical.

Hold on. Let me let me stop the recording here.