Healing the Mother Wound with Dr. Lotte Valentin

Introduction and Guest Welcome 0:00

Hey friends, I'm your host, Dr. Elizabeth Samantha, the intuitive psychiatrist, and you're tuning into stepping into soul power. Friends, we've got an extraordinary episode just for you. Our returning guest is a champion of self-empowerment, wisdom, ancestral healing. She is just a phenomenal doctor of naturopathic medicine, author, psychic medium. renowned host of a top podcast. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. It's our honor to welcome back the incredible Dr. Lute Valentin. Well, thank you so much for having me back.

I'm looking forward to it. Yeah, so let's dive right in. So we're going to talk about a topic that is close to my heart, the mother wound. Can you explain what the Mother Wound is and why it's so critical for us to heal it? That's such a good question. And for people out there listening, thinking, well, I don't have a mother wound. I love my mom. My mom was great. She was like my best friend. Ancestral healing is a form of counseling that I studied after I graduated from med school.

Understanding the Mother Wound 1:35

And it was really interesting because the day we got to the mother wound, that's exactly what I told myself, I said, oh, today is going to be so easy. I don't even have a mother, but I love my mom. She was so nurturing and she was caring, couldn't have asked for anybody better. And as we're going through all the different things that people struggle with when they have another wound. Guess what? I realized I had a mother wound too, even though I have a mom that I always admired. You know, she was so nurturing, so loving.

And it's really interesting and I think that, you know people that look at their moms and they say, well, I've had mother wounds because my mom couldn't see me. My mom never understood me, my had substance abuse issues or she was abusive in some way and she deserted me, she abandoned me and you know that you have an issue with your mom, right? So that's kind of on the surface. It's like the writing is on a wall. But when you had a mother wound that came from a loving and nurturing mom it's not so readily visible, it is much harder to see that writing on that wall But the interesting part is I think all people have a mother wound because when you think about it, why would we incarnate into a family if we weren't going to learn something from that mother?

And a Mother Wound is when we have struggles in our life. It always goes, it starts with the mom. And that's why when I'm teaching, we always start with a mother wound, because once you resolve your mother room, then you start to understand that who you became in this life isn't just by chance, but it's also your own lived experiences with that person that, you know, raised you, whether it was your adoptive mother or whoever it is that raised, maybe your grandparents. And that mother wound, right, it can show up in different ways.

So I'm going to say almost any struggle that you have, we always go back to the mother room. It could be, why is that promotion? Why am I never getting promoted at work? why am i having imposter syndrome and I feel like a fraud? I You know, I don't have the confidence to step into my power. Why is it that I have anxiety? Why am I afraid of these different things? why do I had these maybe even physical concerns? Maybe you have diabetes or whatever. Is that tied to a mother wound? It could be. So when we look at, you know when, we start questioning, why is that we have this struggle?

So many times we have a struggle. We go to a counselor, psychologist, psychiatrist or doctor or nurse or whoever can help us. And we go, we look at the problem and many time we're given a medication. If you have anxiety, they say, okay, well try this medication and maybe that works, but that's just a band-aid that we give that person so that they can function and we can go on with our life. But when it comes to resolving the issue, where does it come from and how do we resolve that? So even if you look at physical diseases, when we look what we have found in DNA and studies, Things that get passed down from our previous generations isn't just our hair color, our eye color.

But also trauma and the lived experiences of our ancestors actually gets passed on the DNA. So when you look at the things that we struggle with in our daily life, well, where did it come from? Some of it is the way we were raised because when we're little toddlers, you know, we have unconditional love for our parents because we are dependent

How Mother Wounds Shape Relationships and Self-Worth 5:30

on them. We need a place to sleep and we need some food, right, because were just two years old. And many times the patterns within the families, we know that from studies, gets repeated throughout the generations. So the little girl, for example, that grows up with a father that may have problems with alcohol. then he drinks way too much and maybe he only drinks on the weekends, but when he does his mood changes and he becomes more aggressive and all the things that go along with substance abuse.

But when that little girl grows up, What is she attracted to? She's attracted the same person that her father was and we see these patterns repeat. So she marries someone that is just like her dad or just the way her Dad was. And this is really interesting because this how I got into ancestral healing. I was doing mediumship readings. and saw the patterns kept repeating through the generations, and that's what originally led me into studying ancestral healing. But that is the pattern that comes then from mom.

So if you're a little girl, you are actually aligning and merging with your mom, because when you were little, to yourself as a two-year-old, I love you, mom! I can see how you struggle. When I grew up, I'm also going to struggle just like you because mom could not resolve that pattern. And she, she was the one who was being abused maybe by that father. A little girl grows up and does the same thing in order to resolve. I want to step back a little bit because you mentioned something really interesting.

And you would mention that having a mother wound is something that anyone can have. And for people who have those great relationships with their parents, with mom, how will they know? What are the indications that, hey, maybe there is There's something that I need to address. I'm going to say the most common thing that i see, the common pattern with people who say, they get on my screen and they say no I don't have a mother. We're like a leave it to beaver family. Like we were, you know, I love my parents.

I already know what they're going to tell me that they are struggling with because the most common pattern I see is when we have a nurturing and loving mom, we also had to earn the love in return as a child by doing the things that this loving mother said. So it might be The common things are, if it's a little girl, you help with the dishes. You set the table. Or you go clean up your room, because that's what good little girls do. Good little Girls don't speak back to mom. We don' shout at mom, we do what we're told.

But as we grow up, We take this pattern and we transpose that onto the partners. And so the person typically says, well, I'm with this guy. And he's really nice, and he is a good provider. But I don't feel seen and heard in the relationship. I feel like I'm doing everything. Well, that's how you were raised. And you're repeating that pattern the way your mom was. That's what she was taught when she little that if you are a girl and you will grow up to get married and be liked, then you have this more submissive type of behavior.

You don�t speak back, you don´t voice your opinion. And then they grow up and they get into this relationship and the world has changed quite a bit in the last hundred years.

Science, Spirituality, and Ancestral Healing 9:20

So now we're in a relationship, and maybe this woman is also working, but she's stuck doing everything. She carries that mental load. And she doesn't feel seen and heard in her relationship. But it's because she is repeating the pattern of her mom. Her mom also wasn't seen or heard. but She put up with that pattern because She lived in different era. But now we're living in the modern era and we can't see it. We can see this like we have a blindfold on because we doing exactly what we did as a child to earn the love from mother.

And then we repeat that pattern. Now, we don't understand why we are not getting the loving return. Well, it's because you took the pattern and you put it on to the partner. The partner has no idea what it is that you're looking for. They're thinking, well, I'm doing a good job. I am being a provider. you know, at six o'clock at night for dinner. You know what's the problem? And I'm going to say that is the most common problem I see is that the woman doesn't feel seen and heard in the relationship is very common.

And it's hard to see it yourself because you are reenacting the pattern that you were taught as a child. But it's hard to see it unless you go deeper in and say, well, why is it? Because all we see is that we're doing the right thing. And that's a very common issue. But then there is, of course, many, other issues that show up in people's lives. It's like once you start creating the awareness, it is like you're peeling back an onion. Once you resolve that issue, something else comes up and you starts seeing how you were raised and why things are the way they are.

So I wonder, you have one thing that you're really great at is combining science and spirituality. And I find it fascinating. And, I know your work combines neuroscience, quantum entanglement and shamanic practices. Can you speak a little bit about those powerful disciplines, how they come together in helping understand and heal deep rooted wounds like the mother wound? Yeah, I think the biggest, in order for us to create healing in our own lives, we have to, number one, create the awareness. If we don't have the awareness of why it is we are having certain struggles, then we can't heal it.

all these different things that we do we have different ceremonies and we send healing to our ancestors and you know a general kind of I'm sending healing, to all of you and of course all, of that is good and I tell people you can never go wrong with sending, healing. To your ancestors or your loved ones or anybody in the world even your enemies because quantum physically we are all entangled right so if If two people meet, so let's say your mom has a friend that you have never met, but you are still entangled with your moms friend because you know your Mom.

So quantum physically, we are entangled with all those people. So when you think about that, you know, We're entangled with All our ancestors, all our friends, are all are extended families. But I'm going to say the wounds that we carry, though you can carry wounds, that go beyond the family and go to, You know dad's partner at work. And you're kind of entangled with that because that works with a person. But I'm going to say most people, the wounds that we carry in this life come from our immediate, I call it the soul family.

So people that are really close to you, either their relatives or people you know, a really close, like your best friend that you grew up with. I consider those people part of the soul family. We have we have people that we call our soul sister or they just feel like they're part. Of your family, and so we're entangled with all those. People, but we are entangled quantum physically with those People. But we were entangle via DNA with our direct ancestors where we came from. And when you take a look at you know who we are and who are in this life.

You came from an egg from your mom. Your mom made that egg that you came form when she was a 20 week old fetus in your grandmother's womb. So when we think about what was going on for your mom when she was a 20-week-old fetus in your grandmother's womb, and what what's going in in grandmother life at that time, because when you look at how things get passed down just even genetically, we know from scientific studies that They've already identified certain genes and they can see how things get passed down and how that changes things for us, how we experience things.

But even the traumatic events that our ancestors experienced, that gets swept under the carpet, and that are never resolved, well, if it wasn't resolved it gets passed down. Just when you look at the simple story of father was an alcoholic, he had substance abuse issues, that's in your immediate family so it's easy to see it, right? And then you repeat that pattern because when are you have that unconditional love for your mom as a toddler and you can see how she suffers.

Subtle Signs of the Mother Wound 15:00

And I mean, sometimes people say these things out right, and I'll never forget this one woman who lost her mom when she was 10 years old. And she had all these chronic conditions and all of these problems with her health. Right away I said, you know, I know you got all this chronic condition, but this just feels ancestral, so let's take a look at it ancestrally. And it turns out that she lost her mom to cancer when she was 10. And when was she 10 at the funeral, she said, Mom, I love you so much, and I'm going to be sick just like you when I grow up.

Literally, like she became sick almost at exactly the same age. So it's really interesting when you hear stories like that. For that person, it was to resolve those issues and let go of that to create healing for herself. Wow, wow. I wonder, since you've worked with lots of different people, and what I'm getting at is sometimes the mother wound can show up in subtle ways, but it affects everything. So in your experience, what are some surprising ways that the Mother Wound manifests in our everyday lives?

Oh, there are so many ways. I mean, it could be, you know, a common, another common one is I'm going to say the imposter syndrome is really common. So here is this client who is a lawyer. so I had this woman, she was a. A lawyer and she. Was so successful. She had like amazing job, making lots of money. And she's so good at what she doing. and She said, You know. I can't even put my diploma on the wall because somebody is like the worst imposter. Somebody is going to figure out, I'm not this good.

I am not that good at this. And like you are good, right? I mean, you look at what you have accomplished. You have this amazing job and so many clients. Right. It doesn't matter. That person is still going feel that way. So the problem is, so the probably have to resolve as well. Why is it that you feel way? Right? And then you go in and you look at, you know, who is your mom? Well, mom never got to study. Mom never get a higher degree, but mom was really smart. And mom, never felt good enough because a lot of her friends had degrees and she felt lesser.

She always felt less than other people. So, you know, the wound gets passed down and this client, even though she had these higher degrees and she was very successful, that wound comes from mom because when she little, subconsciously, we see our mom And we know everything about our mom, right? We know exactly when to ask for ice cream and when not to. Ask for. Ice cream, because mom's not in a good mood. Don't do it now. Right. We all know these things intuitively as young children, but we also intuitively know that.

I see you mom. I See how you struggle I? See, how, you feel inferior and that you don't have a degree and your friends have A degree, we take on those issues and then we repeat that the whole basis is that we love mom Unconditionally and we see how she suffers she can't resolve that for herself so, We say don''t worry mom i got this i'm gonna take, on this one for you i''m gonna fix it and Right? And all these different things gets passed down through the generations of, you know, the same thing with, people we don't talk about, we sweep it under the carpet.

But the mother wound is always where you start when you're going to do any kind of healing. Because by healing your own mother wounds, because I'm going say many times we have more than one mother And I see that when I teach this course on the mother wound and how people say everything shifted for them when they go through my course because I bring up so many different examples and then I guide them on creating healing for themselves. I say pick an issue. And then we're going to go through all these different steps to create healing for that issue.

But once we create feeling for ourselves, for our own issues, things change, right? And I've seen just the most remarkable stories of how people say, well, you know, I haven't spoken to my child for three years or five years, or whatever. And the communication has completely broken down. And we go through this ancestral healing and guess what? That child all of a sudden calls them and says, you know, I just wanted to reach out. How are you doing, mom? And the connection is reestablished. I worked with a client just a few weeks ago that I hadn't seen in a year.

And I work with what we did, the mother wound healing. And she had not spoken to her mom, and she was a woman in her 60s.

Healing, Reconnection, and Course Details 20:15

She had spoken with her Mom in like 10 years and completely severed those ties. We went through the mother healing. And guess what? Now, a year later, she says, I talk to my mom every day. Wow. This woman also had gone through a divorce in the meantime. And she was on her own and she says, my mother is even helping to support me right now. And that's all we did is go through to heal the mother wound because when we create healing for ourselves, things change within ourselves. Absolutely. I'm going to say it's like we resonate now at a different frequency.

Because we created healing for ourselves. We created an awareness of why it is that we're struggling with certain things. Why is it that certain thing aren't working? And when we create healing from that, because we all have a frequency and we are all connected through quantum physics, that mother or that child or person is going to feel that even at a distance because we are quantum entangled physically and when you change your frequency and you heal yourself even if you don't even talk to the other people they are going feel because you're sending out a different signal now and that's what's just so amazing about healing or creating healing, because if we all did the work, if they all healed ourselves and created healing for ourselves, our world will look different because we are entangled with everybody in the world.

And if you all go into creating, healing ourselves. We're also going to change the more people that do the healing. I always tell people, forget about everybody else. Just focus on you. It's about healing you, the rest will sort of fall into place by itself. Absolutely. I think it's almost like a ripple effect backwards, and it sounds like forwards. And that's just how powerful addressing mother wounds can be. For those who are interested in enrolling, where can they sign up? Where can we learn more?

Yeah, so I have recorded, I've taught this class for hundreds and hundreds of people, but now I recorded this to make it available to everybody in a self-study version. So if you go to drlotte.com, you can find it there. you might want to just put a link in the podcast notes where people can just click on the link and it will take you straight into that course and the course sits on that teachable platform. So it's very easy. It's a professional teaching platform and you log in there and then all the different modules, I try to keep them to 20 to 30 minutes to make it easy and accessible for people, because sometimes an hour can be a long time for People to sit down if they have, you know, families or work or other obligations in life.

But it takes you on a different guided shamanic meditation journeys during this course as well to help you uncover the wounds and then also to heal and release them. So and it comes with a PDF exercises so you can just follow along and create this healing on a very, very deep level for yourself, but also for all the people that are part of your life because you are creating healing for them at the same time as you're healing yourself. Oh, that's beautiful. So before we wrap up, if you could, you know, pick a soul power statement For those people out there where they have a mother wound that's really weighing on them, what would it be?

What would be to create healing? I'm going to say create that awakening within yourself in order to creating healing because nothing is impossible, right? Nothing is possible and sometimes life feels impossible and we feel like We're walking on the bottom of the ocean in the darkness kind of feeling. Right. And I'm going to say a lot of people go through that at some point in their life. But instead of staying at the.

Soul Power Closing Message 24:55

Bottom of dark ocean, you know, do something to create that healing, awaken that. Healing within you, because nothing is ever impossible because we are truly divine miracles that are walking this earth. and it all has to do with just creating awareness. Once you have the awareness, you can heal it. And, you know, it's my wish for everybody to be able to create healing in their own life, and so that they can live their most happiest and powerful lives in this lifetime. Because we all were born with, I mean, we were all born, with things that we had to learn to resolve.

Sometimes those wounds seem impossible, But let me tell you, they aren't impossible. So just step into that. Allow yourself to create that healing for yourself. You can't heal other people, but you can heal yourself, and by healing yourself you're helping other to people to creating healing as well. Beautiful. Well, Dr. Lily, thank you so much for sharing your incredible wisdom and light with us today. This conversation has been nothing short of enlightening. And I know that our listeners will walk away with so much to think about.

You truly are a powerful light in this world. Well, thank you so for having me. If you haven't heard it yet today, I appreciate you. The soul in me honors the soul If you want to see more episodes like this, please subscribe or click here and friends if this spoke to you Leave a comment below. We would love to hear from you