How Setting Healthy Boundaries Can Transform Your Life

Introduction to Boundaries 0:00

Hey friends, I'm your host Dr. Elizabeth Samanta, the intuitive psychiatrist. And today, today we're going to talk about something that's real important. Have you ever noticed that your body knows before your mind knows and knows, before you mind, when someone has crossed a line or when you have said yes to something, that you're soul has meant to refuse? We talk a lot about boundaries, like it's just about, oh, they're about saying no, just say no to other people. But there's something deeper, there is something more when it comes to boundaries.

Because some would say that the real boundary we are crossing is the one with ourselves. And today what we're going to do is explore what boundaries really are. How to know, yes, how to knowing they're being crossed, How honor them in a way that is aligned with our soul's deepest purpose. And this is such an important topic because people will try you. People will TRY you! And it's really important to be able to live in your truth and to able speak your true and being clear about who you are, what you're about and what your values are.

And so let's get into what a boundary is. A boundary, it is an intentional line, right? And that line shows, hey, this is what I'm okay with, and on the other side of that, line this what's I not okay. Boundaries are really important because they can create a space when they are healthy, healthy boundaries, they can create a space where we can thrive, where can love, feel free to be who we truly are. And there are some signs that are pretty, I'm not going to say they're easy, but like when you know the signs, you will be able to tell when your boundary is being crossed, right?

So when something happens and you start feeling resentment, like it's building up.

Signs a Boundary Is Being Crossed 2:37

It's like, found your bean cross. Another common feeling that people have is anger, anger. Anger is about injustice, right? And then in psychiatry, we talk a lot, there's this term that we use, passive aggressiveness, And passive-aggressiveness, it's like you will find a way. It's an indirect type of communication, where instead of being direct and being like, hey, I don't want this, let's say you don' t want to go to a meeting, right? So a passive aggressive way of dealing with that would be like I forgot about the meeting.

Sorry. Instead of saying that, Hey, don t wanna go there, you just say, well, So you're not directly speaking to what your true thoughts and feelings are, right? So when you see yourself getting riled up, irritable, there are some passive aggressive tendencies coming up. That is an indication that, hey, I think some boundaries are being crossed. And boundaries are really important because it's data, right? It's information. It is reflecting to you, hey, this is something that's important to me. This is important for my spirit, my soul.

And they matter for several reasons. How we navigate our boundaries is a direct reflection of how we value ourselves. When you have healthy boundaries, when you're able to be real about what's okay and what to see confirmation on my phone, When your able be okay with what you be able speak, like what do you want, what are you truly want. You are upholding self-worth, right? So I believe, and these are just my beliefs, that I feel like we are, I'm divine, you're divine. We are divine everybody is worthy.

If you are on this planet, You are worthy, but that confirmation of my phone again, confirmation on my own again. You are worthy. And by you being on earth, on this planet, you bring value to the world. But unfortunately, as we go through life, sometimes people start telling us, trying to take us down a peg, right? Hey, You're not all that. And then what's heartbreaking is many times we start, we actually, it bleeds, if it kind of seeps in to our subconscious and we started believing that we don't deserve, that are worthy, is heartbreaking, right?

Self-Worth, Self-Respect, and Self-Love 5:38

But when you have healthy boundaries, when your uphold your boundaries you are saying, you're recognizing I am worthy. I'm priceless. just because, right? Just because. The other thing about, when you uphold boundaries, where you've got healthy boundaries it's an indicator of self-respect, self respect is all about treatment. It's all how you treat yourself and then how to allow others to treat you. When you respect what yourself, You align, like, your behaviors and your values align. They come together.

Like, you're not saying one thing and doing something else. Right? You're being real. real with your spirit. The other concept that's really important to keep in mind with boundaries is it's that of self-love. It is the active practice of loving on you, creating a loving environment. so that your spirit can thrive. And so here, sometimes I'd say all these terms and people are like, it sounds like the same thing. You're talking about the thing, but let me give you a metaphor. Let me help break it down to you.

So think of yourself, you are sacred. Your being is sacred, think yourself as a sacred garden and your self worth is the soil. It is, the ground, that richness, right? You are worthy, just because. Your self-respect, how you let other people treat you, that's the offense, right? You keeping out what doesn't belong, you protecting what you're trying to grow in your field, in you soil. And self love, and you have that self, love self care paradigm, is you loving on yourself actively and watering that field.

That soil, making sure you get sunlight, all that stuff, fertilizer, that's you tending to yourself. And when you honor your truth, it speaks volumes. It tells people how to treat you. You managing your boundaries is an indicator. it tells, people like, hey, this is okay with this person, and this isn't okay this with person. If you do it enough, if you're consistent enough that people will come around. And on this, in this pocket, like a lot of our audience, our empaths, care deeply for the world, cared deeply, for others, and can sometimes get into people pleasing scenarios.

I have that background and I'm a recovering people pleaser, so I get it, I got it. For those people, it's really, really important to do the work. Start self-reflecting. Well, everyone, we need to self reflect, but everything starts with self awareness. And entrusting yourself to walk away and be okay with other people who may be upset. Being okay, with people's discomfort. Like if you're not giving them everything at every time and you are not just constantly giving, giving giving and depleting yourself.

And boundaries show up in a lot of different ways. There are many, I feel like a lot of times when I say boundaries, right, people think about relationships. That's the first thing that comes to mind. And it's true. We have relationship boundaries. Right? We are friendships. we have marriages, romantic partnerships. So being clear on what that means to you, your truth for that, Your truth, for what friendship is, because, Hey, there's some people,

Types of Boundaries: Relationships, Space, and Time 9:42

like, They meet you your friend, right? There are other people you got to just jump through some hoops for them to consider you to be a friend or even in marriages, Right? They're all different types all Different types of marriages are open marriages their closed marriages. They are like Dynamic marriages so so being very clear what that truth is for you and then communicating that Truth to people in a way that is respectful is so important. So beyond relationship boundaries, our physical boundaries.

And this is your personal space, and this a very cultural thing. Right? I'll give you an example, right? So if you're in New York, like on a subway, it is perfectly okay to be like this, to very close, honest in a packed subway. I would say packed, packed subways. But if you're in an open field, there's a lot of space, people will interpret, like, you know, may not be okay to be all up on that. like that. So we've got our physical boundaries, so knowing what that truth is for you, what a good physical boundary is, and what your relationship boundaries are.

And then there are also boundaries about time. This is also cultural. I'll give you an example. When I go to a Ugandan party and it says the party starts at 3 o'clock, 3 p.m. and in my head it really means Oh, the party doesn't really get started till maybe 4.35. That's when you should show up. They may still be showing. If you come at three o'clock, they're like setting up." Right? Whereas like in, you know, if it's a work, as a psychiatrist, like we on time, right? So three o'clock means three or two fifty five.

Right. So, so knowing what the time boundaries are is also important. And then the last point I want to make, and these are really, really really important boundaries that sometimes people don't think about tending to consciously. Unconsciously, we might think And these are energetic boundaries, right? And this is important for a lot of different reasons. You know, our part of being able to live your life, live the best life possible is you being to master your energy, know how to manage your That's how you can do things and create a life that's in alignment with your soul.

Like when you configure it throughout how to manage your energy, right? So, so energy boundaries are really, really important and you kind of tell kind an idea of like, Oh, something's up energetically. And you don't need to be a reiki master or an energy healer to have an idea of this. We do this, we are aware of energy issues, like intuitively. So I'll give you an example, right? You have a conversation, you go meet somebody, You'll have conversation with them, and after that conversation you're like, whoa, I feel great.

I am excited. I'm so happy that, you know, that person was rejuvenating. You know that means your boundaries were upheld, right? Like you're doing all right. But if you go, and you meet somebody, then after you have a conversation with them, after that conversation, You feel like you've got the life sucked out of you. sucked out, there's some energetic boundary issues that you need to address. And people do this. You might have someone do or know that this is an issue. There's a term called energy vampire, right?

Like somebody that just sucks, they're sucking all your energy, all right. some other indicators that someone might be an energy vampire, right? Like if you're having a conversation with someone and they are doing all like their trauma dumping on you, and you know, you are just feeling heavier and heavier, yeah, that might an issue you need to address.

Energetic Boundaries and Energy Vampires 14:16

So those are different types that I think it's important to, let's say this, it is important be aware of the different type of boundaries. So you're clear on what that truth is for you. What is that true for? And when people are energy vampires, I, think a lot of people have the best of intentions, or at least I like to think, you know, most people, have best intentions. They don't, they're not trying to suck your energy out. And they are not doing it intentionally. But, you know, it happens. And so what I want to ask you to do is because you are powerful.

You can do so much for yourself. I wanna implore you, just ask that, hey, this is your life. Let's start taking charge, taking responsibility, and really, really being mindful about what we allow in. what we tolerate and try to be thoughtful about how we're living our lives. When we honor our boundaries, it's not just about protecting our energy, but it is about aligning with our soul's truth. In many ways, I feel like our boundries are indicators of what our souls are saying yes to and what they're saying no to.

When you're able to use this information, you can really start to make big moves. So the question I love to ask is, a lot of times, is am I living in alignment with my soul? And for those of you who have a hard time kind of deciding, okay, kind-of assessing like a boundary situation, here's a checklist you can use, right? So number one, the first thing you could do, first things first is pause and feel. Pause. I know it's really hard because our phones be ding-ding-dinging and people are always trying to get in contact with us and there's lot to do.

Just life. Life is life and there's a lot to do. But if you're going to make changes, you got to pause and feel. Pause and Feel. Because when we have healthy boundaries before reacting or kind of deciding what's going on, we stop, We tune into our bodies and then ask, am I feeling expanded? where I'm open, I am at ease, or am I feeling contracted, where, like, coming together heavy, you know, just kind of antsy. When you feel expanded after something happens, right, that's more of an indicator, okay, OK, yeah, in alignment, but when you're coming, coming together when you're not, when things are getting heavy, then that's a signal that something is off.

Your body is always talking to you. You're body, is a guide and sometimes it speaks to whispers, sometimes, it'll speak in like a megaphone and it is, always speaking. It's up to us to listen. So pause and feel, are you expanded? Are you contracted? And then step two is really trying to name what value is either being honored or threatened, right? Is your piece being threatened? you know, did something happen and someone is disturbing the peace? Are you saying yes to something even though you don't have the space for it and it's threatening your peace, it is threatening you balance?

So naming that value and then once you have an idea of, okay, let's see, you you value balance. Start asking questions. Like I said, your soul is always connected to you.

A Five-Step Soul-Aligned Boundary Check-In 18:18

Your soul's always communicating with you, so think about these questions, does saying yes betray something important within me. Am I shrinking or abandoning myself in this moment? And then be clear about what would my soul want me to honor right now? After you ask those questions, just sit and listen. Like I said, spirit's always talking. Listen, like don't just ask the questions and go do something like, sit and listen, right? And once you receive something, your higher self, that soul, spirit within you is telling you something and you got the answer, then Step four is taking a soul aligned action.

And you can do this in a way that is loving. You can be firm and loving, like let's say, I'm going to give you an example, right? Like let say instead of completely blocking a friend who just rains you out of your life, you can say, hey, I need more rest, right? Let's talk in a month. or whatever that time frame is, whatever timeframe is true for you, right? It might be a month, it might a week, It may be day, I don't know. But you know, and so be clear about what that soul aligned action will be.

And then the fifth step, after you... I'm a big believer just in general in reflection at the end of the day taking inventory. Because so much, I feel like they're not a lot of avenues for us to just be able to sit and reflect. But we have to, like, if we are going to not continue the same patterns that are sabotaging our progress, we got to reflect We have to, and so step five is at the end of the day, taking time to reflect, you know, with love, With love. You can reflect with Love. you can ask yourself, Hey, where did I honor my boundaries today?

Give yourself some brownie points for that. Yes, You did it. And you honored your boundaries in this way. Step two, Where did i abandon myself? Because I think we got to be real. Be real about what's going on when you can be real. You can tell when, you could be really about the situation.You can take action that that helps move you forward. And then once you are clear on that,you can say, hey, what can I shift to be in alignment tomorrow? And if you develop a regular practice of this, where you are reflecting and realigning and really tuning in to, oh, like my boundaries are being crossed.

These are my values. I'm taking so aligned action that slowly but surely, slowly, but truly you're building self trust. trust. And I'll say this, a lot of times when there's been a history of some sort of abandonment, right? Like people may get into these roles of people pleasing and then boundaries get all awry, they're all messed up. And then they start to not trust themselves with relationships, with making decisions. But if you're able to go through this five step process of soul alignment, you begin to start trusting you, start developing your intuition.

And when you do this, it is so powerful. So powerful, healthy boundaries are All about being real, speaking your truth without guilt, about expanding rather than shrinking. They're about living in alignment with your intuition. And in many ways, boundaries can be an invitation for love. You're teaching people, well, honestly, you're developing a loving relationship with yourself, with you spirit, your soul. because you're honoring it. You're not abandoning it, and that is such a beautiful thing.

Reflection, Self-Trust, and Closing Thoughts 23:08

And I'll say this, right, because I think I'm a psychiatrist and I work with a lot of people. We need more self-love. I think we're really hard on ourselves, and we need it. So part of that is really starting to honor our boundaries. And that's why I wanted to do this episode. It's like, we needed to put this out, just put it out there in the universe. Put it our there, in that universe, We can have boundaries that are intentional, where we demonstrate love, respect, for ourselves and we can let people know how we feel in a loving and respectful way.

And I think the challenge that many people have with maintaining boundaries is that sometimes when you maintain, when we start to set healthier boundaries, people get really riled up. They will test you, they might say some things that are really hurtful. But you know, I think in our relationships, it's important to have a balance, right? It's okay to give to others, but you also have to gift to yourself. So remembering that, that you are just as important as the other person. Like I said, this is from this group of people, lots of empaths in here.

So I felt like, oh, we got to say something. We got a say, something every time you honor your boundaries, you're not just protecting your space. You're just protect protecting, um, your peace. you are honoring your truth. And so I invite you to take some inventory, take sometime, get a journal. like journal about a boundary that you might want to beef up a little bit or share this episode with somebody that think like might need to be up their boundaries. And so with love, I want thank you. Thank you for listening to stepping into soul power.

I hope that in my heart of hearts I really hope you continue to choose you and you Continue to maintain boundaries that are truly aligned with your soul's truth. If you haven't heard it yet today, I appreciate you. The soul in me honors the soul. In you, if you'd like to see more episodes like this, please subscribe or click here. And friends, this spoke to you Leave a comment below. We would love to hear from you.