Full Transcript Defiance as Dysregulation 0:00 After thousands of brain maps, I can tell you this, defiance is simply what dysregulation looks like on the outside. 0:12 Behaviors are breadcrumbs. 0:14 They tell us what's going on and parents are often told their child is defiant, disrespectful, behavioral, has ADHD. 0:22 But what if I told you defiance isn't a personality issue? 0:26 It's not even a behavioral problem. 0:28 When you see a child refusing, arguing, melting down or shutting down, I see your brain that's overwhelmed, a cup that is full and calling for help. 0:39 And today, we're going to walk through exactly what a brain looks like, a dysregulated brain that's often labeled defiant, 0:49 anxious, obsessive. 0:51 And I'm going show you the different kinds of patterns that we see in dysreglated brain. 0:59 You're gonna understand why regulation must come before discipline. 1:03 consequences, skills, connections. 1:06 And by the end, you're going to think differently about defiance and it's going make a lot more sense to you. 1:13 You're gonna break the shame blame confusion cycle because when we understand what's happening in the brain and even when I work with really little kids, 1:22 help them to understand their brain. 1:24 It's so cool because so many of these little kid are fully grown adults now and they tell me When I talk to them about their brain,
Why Brain Maps Clarify Behavior 1:34 it shifted everything. 1:35 We take away that shame. 1:37 Say, hey, here's your brain. 1:38 Here's what's working, what needs to improve, and how to do it. 1:43 And we also don't live in a world where we pretend we're perfect. 1:47 Because who wants to be perfect? 1:48 When parents hear the word defiant, what happens? 1:51 They think they won't listen, they wont cooperate, pushes back, argues, refuses, explosive, doesn't want to do it. 2:00 But defiance is never the first problem. 2:03 Defiance the result. 2:05 of a dysregulated brain and a brain map makes that crystal clear. 2:10 And what is happening is that when we see kids acting like this, they're, getting those drops into their cup and things are overloaded. 2:20 It's, you know, there are times when kids' behaviors change suddenly overnight. 2:24 We better be super alarmed when they are happening. 2:27 I'm thinking pan's pandas or an infection or a toxic trigger creates sudden behavioral changes overnight, trauma. 2:35 Your child had a physical, emotional trauma of some kind. 2:39 I'd be worried your child was being exposed to something, victimized in some way. 2:44 Maybe they had traumatic grief response. 2:48 But behaviors just don't change overnight. 2:50 They happen over time. 2:52 We are going to look at what happens in a brain map. 2:56 So a Brain Map, or QEG, is a way of measuring the electrical activity of the brain. 3:02 You put a cap on, and you're measuring the surface electrical of the brain. 3:07 With a QEG, we're putting in a database and it's measured against typically males and females around the same age. 3:16 Some as a clinical database, meaning there are others with other issues, some as normative database where nobody has issues. 3:22 I'd like to know who they are. 3:24 And it is a really simple process. 3:28 You can do brain maps as young as three and a half all the way to elderly. 3:32 And the reason why you can't do younger than three-and-a-half, there's nobody else in there in the database.
Common Brain Patterns Behind Defiance 3:38 But also it's not realistic to expect kids to sit. 3:41 I am looking for what other practitioners who do Brain Maps are looking they are looking for patterns. 3:47 And I'm going to show you patterns, which is so cool. 3:49 But it shows you areas that are overactive and underactive. 3:54 That's just the most simple, simple explanation of a brain map. 3:57 So we take the guessing. 3:59 We don't have to say like, oh, I wonder if this is ADHD. 4:03 In fact, when they do these brain maps, what's a fascinating thing is half the time the person coming in thought it was something else. 4:11 and the brain map gives us clarity and what's so different about me than most practitioners is I bring 30 something years of experience to the table. 4:20 And so my specialty is actually strategy on what to do with it. 4:25 So interpreting it and then having the behavioral expertise, because a lot of people do these chiropractors, things like that. 4:32 There's nothing wrong with that, but we're really talking about strategy and want to deal with. 4:36 I will be for those of you that are practitioners, Stay tuned because I will be doing a comms certification, not just for parents, 4:45 but practitioners as well as organizations, and I'll be training more practitioners because We need to change things for humanity. 4:54 How about that? 4:55 A brain map. 4:56 So it shows you under and over stimulation, how well parts of the brain are communicating, where regulation is breaking down. 5:04 It's so cool. 5:04 I just love them. 5:06 it's like an emotional x-ray. 5:07 Reveals what behavior is going on and what you can explain, which is why half the time people come to me thinking something else. 5:15 What does a defiant brain look like? 5:18 There are definitely patterns that we see. 5:23 So what do I see in every defient, dysregulated kid? 5:28 You typically see a chronically overactive limbic system, the emotional center, it's typically on fire. 5:38 And what does that mean in the real world? 5:39 You're constantly scanning for threats, you're in a fight, flight or freeze response. 5:46 I'm going to show you a brain that is literally in Constant activation. 5:56 This is actually a brain map of somebody with autism and their whole brain is activated. 6:03 the frontal lobes, the limbic system, they have occipital region, everywhere is activated and their brain is like danger, 6:12 threat, danger threat. 6:13 It's not uncommon in autism to see this. 6:16 There's a lot of inflammation in this brain, but this is the highest level of activation, 99.9%. percentile and this part is your limbic system is the 6:31 first part of your brain that interprets whether something is a threat or not. 6:37 So if it's overstimulated, what you're going to see is defiant, dysregulated behaviors, very reactive behaviors. 6:45 The next pattern I see is an underactive prefrontal cortex. 6:53 What is this responsible for? 6:54 You know people. 6:56 Executive functioning, impulse control, listening, planning, calm decision making. 7:03 When this is chronically under active, They just can't access the skills adults expect.
Case Example: Rileyu2019s Brain Map 7:11 And so what does that look like? 7:13 So when we are working with somebody that has this is somebody with very low frontal activity, lots of processing issues, 7:23 really struggles with learning. 7:25 This is actually somebody that goes to a very special education school with very small class sizes. 7:33 Actually, majority of their work is done one-on-one and they just are sluggish in their processing and their attention. 7:42 And you can see a lot of different things. 7:43 So people will say like, well, they don't want to do it. 7:47 It's because the frontal lobe, that job manager is literally on a permanent coffee break. 7:54 And so they don't have that ability to shift on. 7:57 If you're listening to this on my podcast, please hop over to YouTube and watch the look at the video of this because it is great to actually see brain maps. 8:07 What we see is low activity. 8:10 frontally, and that's important. 8:11 The third pattern I see in defiant, dysregulated kids is poor communication. 8:18 And so we need our left and right hemisphere to sync, to talk to each other. 8:25 When you don't have good communication, you're going to see a lot of problems, problems with transitioning, rules, shifting, 8:32 feeling overwhelmed. 8:34 And so when I love to look at brain communication, and a very typical brain pattern is actually over activity in all regions, 8:47 left to right, but in every single region, our frontal lobes. 8:50 And in this case, what we're seeing is somebody that is, actually very stress activated. 8:56 The first question I would probably ask them is Are you having intrusive thoughts when you're this activated? 9:03 Are having panic attacks? 9:04 This is going to be somebody who's not sleeping. 9:07 You know, when your not sleep, you are going be rude, nasty. 9:11 The next pattern is excessive fast wave activity and this is also what you would see in excessive, fast-wave activity. 9:19 So you'd see it in brain communication, over the structures. 9:23 But you're seeing too much talking, too many activation, and this drives irritability, reactivity, impatience, quick explosion. 9:34 And when we see slow wave patterning, just as we did before, what we can see with that is, you know, we say it frontally, 9:44 but you can't see it anywhere. 9:46 I'm pulling up a frontal one again. 9:48 You could see shutdown avoidance. 9:50 I'm not doing this. 9:51 And these are the common brain patterns that I see in kids that are labeled defiant. 9:56 Also see kids having weak or overactive areas at the back of the head. 10:03 So in this case, there's overactivity. 10:06 There's a lot of irritation. 10:08 This is a really important area for really almost like core emotional regulation. 10:15 So I often see it overactive, but more typically I actually see an underactive. 10:19 There's no gas back there. 10:21 And it's an important area for kids to find comfort, to regulate, not be bored. 10:28 These are just the most common things that we see. 10:30 When we define kids, it is not stubbornness, its neurological overwhelm.
Regulation Before Discipline 10:35 Their brain is showing us that they can't manage the data, the information, and the sensory experience, everything coming in. 10:46 These are consistent patterns that can tell what's actually happening with a kid in their behavior the moment I see it. 10:54 I just have to look at their brain map, I can see the pattern, then I start asking questions. 10:59 Anybody knows that anytime I've ever done an intake with people, take little information and I actually start out right on the brain map. 11:07 Then I come in with questions because the Brain Map tells us, and when certain areas are over or under working, there are only certain behaviors that we 11:16 actually can see out of a child or an adult. 11:20 And for those of you that are interested in working with me, if at this time I'm still doing this, you can go to Dr. 11:25 Roseanne forward slash help. 11:27 No matter what, it's going to be a solution matcher. 11:29 It's gonna match you to the right solution. 11:31 So many times when I map somebody, just a fascinating process. 11:36 I remember, gosh, I don't know how many years ago, probably 20 years, ago mapping a 10 year old named Riley. 11:43 And he was one of the most extreme behavioral kids I have ever had. 11:48 He's amazing. 11:49 he's like 30 something years old now. 11:51 I love seeing my people around town or on Facebook or people message me. 11:57 And, he just refused everything from food to the classroom. 12:01 There was no delineation between his behavior from school to home. 12:06 They wanted to outplace him. 12:07 His parents were like the more chill people and they were And I put him in some special school. 12:12 We're just not going to do that. 12:13 Did we did neurofeedback? 12:15 We did a lot of things. 12:16 What do we see in his brain? 12:26 from right to left everywhere in every region and he had a brain that was on fire. 12:29 He's very sensitive to things. 12:31 I also recommended occupational therapy to get a sensory system online because he was resisting food and his brain was stuck and it was like, 12:39 I'm going to protect myself at all costs. 12:42 His behaviors to me were just screaming, ''I can't do this. 12:45 Not going do do. 12:47 And once we calmed everything down, And he got proper support at school at home. 12:54 We made some tweaks to he really changed. 12:57 He didn't need to be fixed. 12:58 She needed to. 13:00 Regulated and then he could absorb actually the good stuff he was learning at School and home, we just needed. 13:07 Tweaking in a way that his brain could hear it, but it had to regulate. 13:10 Defiance really isn't a choice. 13:12 It's a way of communicating and you may see the arguing and the slamming of the doors or just refusal to do certain things. 13:20 What is underneath? 13:21 What does that brain map show? 13:23 It shows overwhelm, fear, activation, depletion, disconnection behavior. 13:29 That's the language of a dysregulated child. 13:31 So what does this mean for parents? 13:33 So a brain match teaches us that child isn't giving you a hard time, having a harder time that you can't teach a skill to a dysregulated brain. 13:44 How many times can I say that? 13:46 And behavior change is only going to happen after regulation. 13:50 Never before. 13:51 I mean, you could yell, scream, try to negotiate and it's not going happen. 13:55 Your brain is calm, yours and theirs.
Next Steps and Resources 14:00 a lot of change can happen in such a good way. 14:03 You got to see what I see in a brain map and hear or hear about it. 14:07 And it's a pretty amazing thing to understand. 14:12 Do you always need a Brain Map? 14:14 No. 14:14 Is it pretty cool? 14:15 Yes. 14:16 But regardless of a Brain Map or not, look at the behaviors. 14:20 They are clues. 14:21 they are screaming, I need to regulate. 14:24 If you want to better understand what your child really needs, Take our solution masher go to doctor rosanne dot com for slash. 14:31 Help because it's going to guide you into the right solutions plus you can get first you're going hear about my book. 14:38 Which is going be amazing and is gonna change the conversation about parenting cuz we're putting the nervous system first before we correct behavior for 14:46 we connect before week each kids. 14:48 And you also can get access to my newsletter right there. 14:51 So go to drrosanne.com forward slash help. 14:55 And I hope this was really got you thinking about a brain map. 14:58 It's an amazing tool. 15:00 I do them because I don't know what I would have done without doing brain maps. 15:06 This blows it away, to be honest. 15:08 Not that you shouldn't have neuropsych testing because that helps you get help in school, but understanding a dysregulated brain is step one. 15:17 Taking action to regulate the nervous system is the most important step and you and your child can do it. 15:24 Want more insights and solutions? 15:26 Well, subscribe to our dys-regulation insider and it will show up in your inbox every week.
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