Menopleasure!

Dr. Sharon Stills

Hello, hello! Welcome back to the Mastering Menopause Summit. I am your host, Dr Sharon Stills, and we are in for a treat. I have with me, one of my colleagues and friends, Susan Bratton. She is an intimacy expert. She came up with this term menopleasure, and I was like, why didn’t I come up with that term, that is the best term. And I wanted to have her on because it is really important that we get comfortable with self-pleasure, that we get comfortable with having a healthy libido, with having a healthy and enjoyable sex life, and I thought, who do I wanna have talk to you all about this? And Susan was the name that came to my mind right away, so Susan, welcome, welcome. I’m so happy to have you here and to share with the ladies. And maybe you can just tell everyone who you are and a little bit about your story and how you got involved in becoming the intimacy expert to millions.

Susan Bratton

Well, Sharon, it’s so great to see you again, and thank you so much for having me. I’m glad that when you think about sex, you think about Susan Bratton, I am doing something right, girlfriend. Yeah. I call myself an intimacy expert to millions. I actually run two companies with my husband. One is a company called Personal Life Media, and we publish passionate love making techniques and bedroom communication skills. And the second company that I run is a company called The 20, like the 80 20 rule, 20% of what you’re doing gets you the results, you just need to know what the 20 is. And that’s a company that we manufacture our own sexual vitality supplements that help women with the problems that occur in middle age and beyond, which are often loss of lubrication, vaginal frailty, and honestly, loss of orgasmic intensity. We get sensation loss and our partners do too. Our partners, our male body partners often have erectile dysfunction. They have trouble getting hard, staying hard, and they also often have sensation loss. 

So it’s definitely one of the issues of the atrophy of aging and my areas of expertise are the communication techniques, which I think are really the foundation of everything, Sharon, if you, if you women say to me, I don’t know what I want, I just know what I’m getting, isn’t it, and I say, you do actually know what you want, because all you have to do is listen to your body. Your body is telling you what you want, now, what I want to do is help you feel comfortable giving voice to the animal in which you live so that your partner will love to get your feedback because what you want changes every single day. Because we are women who run with the moon even after menopause, we are on our cycles. So bedroom communication skills are really the bedrock of what I do, the bedrock, the bedroom is what they are really. And then love making techniques, I like to say, I transform having sex into making love. Heart connected, passionate love making. How can you enjoy yourself, let go of your body image issues, become sexually satisfied, and feel so connected to your partner and so happy and in love with your sex life? That’s really what I’m going for. And I love to help people across the gender spectrum, get those great feelings. 

And then the third piece is really that sexual vitality that, you know, by the time we’re 50, we have half the nitric oxide production we had when we were 20, and our genital system runs on blood flow, which is created by nitric oxide in our body, which is a gaseous signaling molecule. And it doesn’t make you fart. So those are kind of the three legs of my stool. I’ve been doing it for going on two decades, and I love to teach people how to create and co-create more pleasure. So I know some of the things that you wanted to talk about. Well, I wanted to talk about anatomy because I think women need to know more about how our parts work, because that’s so fundamental to getting pleasure is understanding where to play and what to play with and how it likes to be touched. And then another thing you and I wanted to talk about was this thing that I call the matriarchal view of sex, which is we’ve been having sex in the patriarchal way for as long as any of us can remember, and well beyond. And men have some distinct competitive advantages sexually that have kind of tilted the playing field to their advantage, not to ours. And when I teach women some of the fundamentals of what I call the matriarchal view of sex, women are like, oh my God, this is, yeah, this is what I needed. And I didn’t know why I was just kind of frustrated, you know? 

And I think that there are so many women who are afraid to death of menopause because they think it’s gonna be like the last nail in the coffin of their sex life. And they’re gonna be dried up all crones and Hey, we can empower the word crone all we want, but we still don’t like to be all pruny cranky old ladies, right, we wanna be like, yeah, zesty vital turned-on women, all of our lives, we all want that. So how do you have that? Because I’m 60 years old and I’m having the best sex of my life right now, and I plan for it to keep getting better. I like to do what I call getting people on the upward pleasure spiral, where sex can keep getting better your whole life. So I wanted dispel some of those myths around menopause and say that a lot of the reason that you kind of ran outta gas in your sex life is that you weren’t getting the kind of sex that was right for you. So let me tell you what you might wanna be asking for and why you should feel very comfortable asking for it. So I think those are some good things we can cover. 

And if we have time, I always like to do a Susie’s Sexy Show And Tell and give women some ideas of some of the toys and tools that I recommend as being the absolute best kinds of things for pleasure. Today, I got an email from a woman who is in her sixties and she said, my husband and I have decided that we would like to use a toy during our love making, and I was like, I know who to call Susan, I know who to email Susan Bratton. She emailed me and she said, what do you think? And I gave her some ideas and she was so happy, she’s like, I knew you’d know, I knew you’d tell me what to do. And so I thought maybe we could end the session with that. So how does that sound for you? Is there anything I’m missing? ’cause I wanna give you everything you want and more.

Dr. Sharon Stills

I am like, sign me up. Let’s get on the Bratton train and let’s do it. I remember I had you on my, I had you on my podcast and we did the anatomy and I just thought I didn’t have such a good education in medical school, I was just blown away. And so I’m so excited to talk about all of the things you’ve mentioned and whatever else sneaks in as we have our conversation. So why don’t we start with the anatomy, okay. I think it’s a good place to start just to give us foundation.

Susan Bratton

We had so much fun that day, you and I, oh my God. Didn’t we, I just love doing that episode with you. Yeah. It’s so nice to be with someone who’s such a professional like you are, it’s really great. And it’s so true. You know, we’re learning so much about the female anatomy and I think what I’m about to kind of show here in this video with my little diagrams is part of that, why men are kind of have a competitive advantage and why they need to understand how our physiology works so that they can become better lovers for us. Now I’m not assuming that all of us are in partnered relationships and I’m not assuming that we’re all in partnered relationships with men, but I do find that that’s the most common construct. And so that’s the middle road to which I speak. So if you are gender non-binary, in a relationship with same sex partner, you’re still gonna get 98% of the information you need to have great sex too, so don’t worry about that. But let me just go with kind of the, you know, the simple male female construct since it is pretty common. 

So this is, of course, here I go in my little anatomy, sex nerd, little hat on, this is the vulva. and the vulva includes three erectile tissue systems, it includes the vaginal canal. It includes the urogenital complex, which means it includes your bladder. And it includes the urethra, which is where it’s basically the peepee tube. So what I’m actually gonna do is I’m gonna peel the skin off and show you what’s underneath. And why what’s underneath is so important and you’re gonna be like light bulb just went on. I recommend it to be an orange light bulb. Your skin will look better in that. I actually travel with an orange light bulb so that if I’m in a hotel making love to my husband, I’ve screwed in the good light, ’cause at my age, everything is wrinkling. Yeah, you gotta do what you can do, right? We live in this meat bag, we gotta come to terms with it. So this is our beautiful, what I like to call sometimes Yoni, Y-O-N-I. The Yoni is a tantric love making term for our female genital system and our masculine bodied partners, penis is called the Lingham and the yoni and the Lingham, they just sound yummier than the vulva So first we have the Mons up here. This pubic hair is covering the outer labia, the larger of our labia, then we have our inner labia here. They start as the clitoral hood and they break and they come down to what’s this little Dingly Donly thing that’s called the fourchette at the bottom, of course the French have a beautiful word for it. And then here’s the clitoral tip. 

And then the shaft goes up through the hood and little arms called crora separate like goes through the pubic bone and there’s little arms of your clitoral structure and there’s legs of your clitoral structure, I’ll show them to you in a minute. The legs are actually under the pubic hair here. And the arms go kind of back in near the vaginal canal. This opening is called the vestibule, that’s where you put your welcome mat. And inside here between the clitoral tip and the vaginal opening is the urethra exit where your pee comes out. Your urethra is the tube that goes to your bladder, but it’s also the tube out of which the female ejaculate comes. And all women can and urinate out of that tube, just like all men and urinate out of the tube that runs in their penis, which is they have an outie and you have an inny, that’s all it is. We have the same parts arranged in different order. And so that’s the whole complex there, the perineum, the anus, and all of this wonderful tissue can get activated and be as orgasmic as the tip of your clitoris. 

So there’s a lot of wonderful tissue to play with. Now when you think about achieving orgasm, which I always want you to have great orgasms and they are learned skills, there’s 20 different kinds of orgasms you can have, you get better at them as you age, you have to learn every single one of the ones you want to have. They’re all available to every body. There’s no person who can’t have them all because it’s just an idea of understanding what they are and how to have them. So you can begin this incredible journey in the second part of your life to become just this wonderful, satisfied lover that has lots of kinds of orgasms. You can absolutely have that. It is your birthright as a homo sapien.

Dr. Sharon Stills

I’d just like to stop for one moment, sure. The picture is beautiful. And I bet there’s a lot of women watching who have never even seen their vagina. And so I just think it’s such an important piece you’re bringing, ’cause I know when I used to see patients in the office, often I would give them a mirror if I was doing a pelvic exam so they could actually look and see because so many of us have gone through our lives and whoever stops to think and look, and maybe we’ve been taught it’s bad to look or touch. And so this is just so liberating that we can all be sitting here looking at the vagina in its beauty and learning about the different pieces and how it works. I just wanna acknowledge the gift that you’re giving us today and that if you’re feeling uncomfortable watching, just take a deep breath and realize this is part of your body, and it’s an important part. And it’s a part you need, should I hate to use the word need and should, but that you can really benefit, let me say from becoming knowledgeable about and settling into being comfortable and looking at it and learning about it, so with that said, go on.

Susan Bratton

Well spoken, and it is the seat of our power, our femininity, our creativity, our vitality. And the more you look at it, the more you’ll see how beautiful it is. The more you’ll appreciate it. The more you’ll love your body. And the more that you will see how it’s constantly changing. Because the change is actually, and I don’t mean like the change such as menopause, but the changing and the evolution of your vulva during your arousal process is an absolutely awe-inspiring experience. And one of the things that I wanna do is I wanna show you how much erectile tissues you have in your three erectile tissue systems, there’s a lot of, so I’m gonna peel off the skin basically, and you can look inside. So that’s the vaginal opening there, that’s the urethral exit there. This is the tip of the clitoris, the shaft, the arms, the legs, the urethra sponge is your second system. So this is your clitoral structure, your urethral structure and your paraneal structure, which is a spongy tissue between the bottom of your vaginal canal and the rectum, so three structures that get engorged, tumest, erect, swollen, full of blood, everything. 

I just was talking to a doctor today who was speaking out a male urology event and talking about the effects of COVID on the masculine genital system, and I was like, well, who’s doing the female studies because we have as much erectile tissue in our bodies as our male bodied partners do, it’s just an innie not an outie. And he gave me the name of a guy in Southern California. So I’m gonna be pursuing that, but because COVID is a vascular disease, it affects the lining of our blood vessels. And all of this is blood vessel rich, super rich. And what happens when you become aroused is that blood flows into this and it plums up creating more surface area that sends more pleasure signals to your brain. So it’s not just about stimulating this little tip of nerve endings when all of this needs to get blood flow. So blood flow, it turns out is the sink well, a lot of women say to me my libido is dead, my hormones are bad, I don’t wanna have sex anymore. And I say, it’s probably not your hormones actually. Interestingly enough, the ratio of estrogen to testosterone in a post-menopausal woman, the testosterone’s higher than the estrogen and it’s testosterone, that is the hormone of desire of lust, of wanting of horniness, not estrogen. 

And it’s the estrogen for us that drops during menopause. So we can supplement with testosterone. We can supplement with biased estradiol and estriol. We can supplement with progesterone, we can, you know, supplement with our cortisol, et cetera, to get our HPA access kind of going again. And I know you’re gonna be talking about many of these things in other areas of the summit, but it ties to the fact that though a loss of estrogen will thin the tissue in your face, in your skin, in your vagina and make it friable, thin, painful that estrogen cream in your vagina, or even just DHEA cream or what have, you can really pull up that tissue up and get rid of that painful sex. There are regenerative treatments such as lasers and RF devices, but there’s also home red light therapy, intravaginal red light therapy that can work very well. So there are many things that we can do to reverse the atrophy of aging that generates sensation loss, loss of lubrication and painful sex. 

The single most important thing is to have enough nitric oxide, so we get enough blood flow. So we’re plumping up the tissue and lubricating the vagina because the vagina is not a gland. Doesn’t have lubrication in it. It actually comes from your blood plasma going into your pelvic bowl, seeping through the vaginal mucosa and wetting your vagina. So if you don’t have the blood flow, you don’t have the wetting. And so that’s where women are like, oh, okay, I need to eat more beets. I’ve got beets cooking upstairs right now. It’s so funny. This work with Sharon and I are recording this late and I serve beets a couple times a week, I just dice ’em up, throw ’em with some all spice in a pot and have ’em for dinner, leafy greens, I’m having two bundles of Swiss Chard tonight with my dinner because leafy greens help us create nitric oxide. That’s what our body uses to generate the molecule that is sending the blood to our pelvis. If there’s one takeaway for you today that I have, that will help you have more meno pleasure. It is eat your reds and greens, and if it’s not enough, take a nitric oxide booster too. I make a nitric oxide booster called Flow. I think I have it right. I always have a bottle of it around everywhere in my life, this is my product Flow, F-L-O-W. And I’ll give you the URL at the end, so you can find this. 

This is made from organic fruits and vegetables. It’s not made from corn syrup, pesticide, laden in a vat somewhere in China. This is a really high quality product and affordable. It’s not, it’s not an expensive product. So that’s almost always like ground zero, when women are, when women come to me and say, my hormones are dead. I’m not having good sex, I don’t I’m afraid. You know, I don’t know what to do. I’ve got lubrication issues. I’m not feeling it’s not feeling as good. I’m like, start in your reds and greens, take a nitric oxide booster, consider an estrogen cream for your vagina. But the single most important thing is give yourself time to get engorged, and this is where it’s the matriarchal, not the patriarchal view of sex, which is men are testosterone dominant. They get a bath of hormones every morning that make them horny. We are on a moon cycle, even after menopause, just because we’re not menstruating doesn’t mean we’re not on a moon cycle. And when our desires ebb and flow, we’re not steady state like our partners. And they are way readier to go than us. And they have this benefit of something called hemodynamics, which is blood flow. They have these three big chambers in their penis. 

So we have essentially a Pachinko game and they have a straight shot and the blood just goes bam in there and locks it off. And they’ve got an erection and they’re ready to have intercourse when we are not even turned like when men offer us sex. We’re we’re like, I’m like thinking about a million things. I was working on my to-do list. I still have to cook dinner and you wanna, so they have to, it was funny, I got an email from a guy recently who said, oh my God, I used your sex technique. And my girlfriend had the most intense pleasure I’ve ever given her, and I was like, oh, what technique? Cause I’ve literally written hundreds. And he said to slow down, and I was like, well, technically that’s not actually a technique. That’s just some good advice, babe. But I’m super glad it worked for you, so when I’m talking to men, I say to them, she cares that you’re well groomed, she wants your emotional connection, she needs you to hold her, she needs your presence, stop strategizing, stay right here with me, heart connect to me and slow down and then slow down some more, then slow down again, and then slow down 10 times more slow than that. 

And help us get where you are, come turn around, come back and get us and help us get into and up the arousal ladder. Because most women say I don’t never really want sex, but every once in a while, when my husband can talk me into it and I have it, I’m like, how come we don’t have more sex? That is so normal, that is like so normal. So they need to understand we’re not rejecting them. We’re just not living in their bodies and they need to help us, they, we need to, my husband and I have this silly little hashtag was like 30 years ago, we came up with this. It was like pre hashtag called team sweetie, where it’s like the two of us have to kind of gang together against my arousal levels, which are always low until he gets me going, he’s gotta, he’s gotta do some heavy lifting, which is usually a lot of great foreplay, kissing, breast pleasuring, yoni massage until, and this is the thing, I mean, even me a expert who knows better, I will definitely, I don’t, I won’t fake an orgasm, but I, we just get this thing where we feel like we have to be further along than we are. Like, we don’t want them to get worried or, you know, get mad at us. 

Or like we’re such people pleasers as women when I’m doing it, I’m infuriated at myself and I still catch myself doing it. So I know you guys are doing it. So if you can just create this relationship with your partner where it’s like Ernest and Julia Gallo, there no one before it’s time, you know, there’s, it’s like, there’s no penetration before I’m begging for it. Before I’m fully engorged, you just have to allow your body to do what it does and have your partner help you get there. Because we have been rushed for intercourse, our entire lives, and every single time, we are penetrated too soon, which is 99.9% of the times, except for that one hot guy where you just ripped your clothes off when you were 22 years old and it was super hot and you were ready, ’cause you were 22 years old, we’ve had this constant onslaught of being pushed too early for sex, and every single time that’s happened, it’s been a brick in the wall of pushing us away, giving us performance anxiety, making us not feel like we’re very good in bed, ’cause we’re not like instantly ready. 

It’s not how our bodies work. And the more that our partners can begin to understand this, the more that we can stand for ourselves and stand for our own timing. Sometimes it’ll be faster and sometimes it’ll be slower. Where’s the moon, right? And just allow and ask for what she’s telling you. I think that’s the most important thing. One of the gifts I wanna give Sharon is the Sexual Soulmate Pact. I’ll give the URL at the end because this is a technique. I won’t go into it here, ’cause it’s not on our schedule. It’s not on our regularly scheduled programming wish Sharon and I. But as so many things I wanna tell you and I only give 45 minutes, so I’m gonna give you this ebook. It’s called “The Sexual Soulmate Pact” And it’s essentially what women say is the minute I give him some feedback, he gets all crushed, he gets all butt hurt and then he all like shuts down. And so I just don’t say anything and I take what I can get just to keep him happy. One more brick in the wall, one more brick in the wall. 

Soon you cannot see your sex life and you’ve lost it because you have plastered over it with these bricks of frustration. So the sexual soulmate practice, the sneaky ninja technique from Susan Bratton that gets him to love your feedback, to encourage your feedback, to appreciate it, to thank you and to use it, to give you incredible pleasure, which is his goal and yours. And it’s ninja because it gets around, it’s like a sidewinder that just goes right around that little male ego that gets butthurt when you say anything. So I’ll give you that at the end.

Dr. Sharon Stills

Perfect. You read my mind ’cause I was thinking we need some tips. How can we talk to our men, so that is perfect. Everyone is gonna need to download that for sure. So just already, there’s so much from so often. We don’t think about the nitric oxide component for women, how would you think about it for men? But we don’t think about it for women. So that is just such a huge piece. And the art of slowing down and understanding that and menopause, menopleasure is a time for really slowing down, I always talk about the power of the pause and to slow down and really look at what you want in your life. And so now we’re applying it to your sex life and something that you deserve and you may not have thought of. We tend to think, like you say, we we’ll take what we can get or we’ll just, we won’t deal with it. And so I’m just, I’m just loving this, loving this. So where are we going next?

Susan Bratton

Well, let’s see. So far we’ve talked about and we’ve done the anatomy. We’ve kind of done the matriarchal, how we need to get aroused. One of the really important things that I’ve really been talking about lately is the everted clitoral erection, the fact that we need to have a clitoral erection, which is all of that erectile tissue getting full of blood. And one of the ways that you can do that is certainly externally with yoni massage, oral pleasuring, vibration, stimulation, but the best way everted means from the inside out. Isn’t that a cool word? When I found that in the dictionary, I was like, that’s exactly the word I need, from the inside out the clitoral erection from the inside out, because interestingly enough, our breasts and nipples, our mouth and tongue, and our clitoral structures, all of them are a system you can activate internally. You can activate engorge from the inside out with breast play and kissing. And a lot of women say, I don’t really like the way my partner kisses or I don’t like my breasts to be touched, I don’t like them. We have a lot of bad relationship with our breasts. We always want them to be something that they are not. And that’s where I say, girl, let it go. Your breasts are fabulous. 

They can be activated like all the rest of the places in your body, they are a gift of pleasure for you. The more that you play with them and stimulate them, the more that you have this building of engorgement in the inside of your clitoral structures. And so that helps you get turned on more easily and faster. It lays in a base of blood flow that helps you feel more pleasure, when you finally get down to the yoni. One of the other things I teach men is something I call my bullseye touch technique. I don’t remember if we talked about this before or not. It essentially I tell guys think about a woman as a bullseye. And what you wanna do is your inclination, ’cause you’re testosterone dominant and you’re ready to go is to hit the bullseye which is her vulva. But what I want you to do is I want you to touch your hair outside ring first, touch your hair, stroke her back, grab her buns, middle ring, touch her breast, touch her nipples, kiss her, stroke her back, stroke her butt. Center, stroke her vulva, orally pleasure it. Get to that third instead of just grabbing her by the you know what, that’s not what I want you to do. And so for women, you have to allow yourself to be pleasured that way, you have to enjoy and learn to love and embrace your body for exactly what it is, ’cause it can go and get any better. You got a short time on this planet. 

Why get hung up on body image issues, it’s not worth it. Just surrender to your pleasure and have a darn good time. It, I mean, it really doesn’t get much better. It only ever gets worse, it’s not gonna last forever. So Carpe diem. And estrogen makes you a little nutty around body image issues, estrogen is the worry wort molecule. It’s there to keep us safe because we are the prey. So biologically its function is to have us be thinking about a million things, being really good multitaskers where testosterone is like full speed ahead, I’m overly confident I can do anything. I’m not as good as I think I am, but I don’t care. So for us we have to sex is a mindfulness practice for us. We have to be like, let the thought go, let the thought go. Let the thought go, focus on the sensation, focus on the sensation, focus on the sensation. The more we do that, the easier it gets and the more pleasure we feel, the more activated our body gets, that builds on itself, and everything becomes way more pleasurable. Don’t you wish someone told you this in your twenties?

Dr. Sharon Stills

Sex as a mindfulness practice, how true is that? And when we can settle in and appreciate if there’s a little flab or a little wrinkle, but we can just appreciate it and just surrender. Then our energy is just so much more sexual or so much more attractive than if we’re holding on to feeling bad about ourselves, and so I love sex as a mindfulness practice. Cause mindfulness to me is some of the best medicine around. And so of course it needs to come into the bedroom and when you can be mindful and feel and be connected, your pleasure just amplifies. So I have a couple of questions.

Susan Bratton

Good.

Dr. Sharon Stills

So I, well, I can’t not ask you to name at least a couple of the 20 orgasms. I’m sure some of the ladies are like 20 orgasms? ’cause I think a lot of women have only had a clitorial orgasm and and aren’t really familiar. So I know we don’t have time for all 20 and I don’t know if you have a handout for that.

Susan Bratton

I don’t, I have, I have it on my website and I’ll give you the link to that at the end, it’s called Come With Me, The 20 Kinds Of Orgasms, and I describe them, tell you how to have them so you can access them. But yeah, let me do that. And Sharon, I you’re so intrepid, I love that about you. Thank you for asking. There’s three kinds of orgasms, there’s locations to stimulate, there’s orgasm techniques, and there are tools and toys that generate orgasmic sensation. So let me just give you a couple of examples of each. So locations to touch would be things like your nipples and your mouth and tongue. Teach your partner how to kiss you, kiss them, show them, practice. That’s the only thing standing between you and hot kissing is learning how to do it together well. There are clitoral orgasms, there are G-spot orgasms and the G-spot isn’t a spot, it’s actually this let’s go back to that thing again, here. It’s this tube right here, this tube that goes along the top of the vagina. It looks like this. 

Yes, I have a picture of your urethra tube, of course I do, of course I do. I had all these custom illustrated because there were no good pictures anywhere, this is the, these are the schemes glands, just like the blood recruits into your vaginal canal to lubricate your vagina, the blood plasma recruits into your urethral sponge that surrounds your urethra. And when you have a contraction, it ejaculates the fluid out of that ureter. And then this little rosebud is actually in that vestibule right on the outside, that spongey tissue loves to be stroked and licked there, so that’s a very nice thing. So you can have GPO and ejaculatory orgasms. You can have orgasms from intercourse. They could be called penetration orgasms, vaginal orgasms, cervical orgasms. Some people make a distinction of an orgasm from stroking the cervix versus just penetrative orgasm. You can do whatever you want, it’s all good. 

It can be just one thing or two things. You can break it down, however you want. There’s analgamss, there’s bellygamss, there’s footgamss. There’s mouthgamss, there’s throatgamss. We have erectile tissue all over our bodies. Remember those hickey in high school that we’re so sexy? Right, I mean, we have erectile tissue in here. That’s one of the reasons we love our neck touched. So then we have techniques such as erotic hypnosis, orgasms on command, we have expanded orgasms. I’ve had an almost 20 year expanded orgasm practice with my husband and they’re like riding these big wave orgasms. And they are from a simple stroking technique, but they’re a practice similar to doing hatha yoga or Tai Chi. It’s a form that creates an effect. And then the third thing would be toys and that’s where I’ll get into some of the toys that I think are really important, I’ll show them to you.

Dr. Sharon Stills

And could you also speak to, I know we’re gonna talk about toys before we finish up, but also just masturbation. I’d love to just have you speak to that, whether it be alone or if you’re in a relationship or not in a relationship or mutual masturbation. I’d just like to hear the Susan knowledge and wisdom around the masturbation, please.

Susan Bratton

My dear intrepid girlfriend, I love you so much. You are the best, okay, let me show you a few things here. We’ll just get into it right now. So there are, there are toys that are particularly good for self-pleasure and self-pleasuring every time. So you can’t wear out your orgasmic capacity with vibrators, you can’t break your clitoris, you can’t use toys and then not be able to have orgasms from just partnered sex. Don’t worry about that. It’s actually the opposite. The more you self-pleasure and the more you use toys, the more orgasmic capacity you are building. The second thing is that you can orgasmically cross train. I learned that term from my girlfriend, Sherry Winston, who is one of my mentors. And it’s just such a brilliant concept because she’s like do the thing that you know how to do. You’ve got a pathway and then add in the thing you’re trying to do, and you’ll be able to cross train. And I’m like, oh gosh, that is brilliant Sherry. So there’s four kinds of what I would call sex toys for women that are good for solo pleasure that can also be incorporated into love making, you can have a clitoris, you can put a vibrator on your clitoris during penetration. 

That’s super easy thing to do. But the four different kinds are a vibrator, whether a rumbly, big wand or a buzzy little pocket rocket. This one’s nice because you can put it on your finger and if it doesn’t, it doesn’t, if it gets slippery, it doesn’t fall off. And this one’s very low profile to get in there for partnered play as well. So you’ve got your rumbly and buzzy vibes, but you, I can’t get it off. Well, I guess I have a vibrator permanently attached to my finger. The second one, the second one is a Womanizer, which is an air stimulator. And you, they also now come with this is called the duo. They also come with a G spot or vaginal vibrator with the Womanizer. This is internal and this is the external piece. This will blow your mind. And then you have what’s called a thruster or a pulsater. And what I like about this is this is a hands free internal vibrator. It actually uses a little weight that kind of goes back and forth. 

And you can insert this internally, for women who haven’t had a lot of intercourse for a long time and are like, worried if they’re gonna date again, and they’re like, I’m not sure I can take, or this is a very good thing to get you going again inside. And it has a nice little bump for the G spot. This is called the Stronic. Most of these are from Fun Factory or Womanizer. And then this one is, this is literally my go to number one recommendation for the like foundation toy that every woman should have. And I’m gonna give you links to this stuff at the end, but this is called the Miss By. There’s also a Lady By that’s longer, which I actually prefer because I’m a giant woman with a giant vagina and this bump and this piece goes inside and this piece stays on the outside. So you get this nice pad for external clitoral and that little external G spot, that little spot where the spongy rose is in the vestibule, gets all that stimulation. And then you have penetration with a second vibrator inside that helps get the vagina contracting and moving and flowing and feeling and activated. So if you’re gonna do something like a 30 day self pleasure challenge or something like that, this is a very good all around good toy that you can also use in partnered play. 

So one of the things that I really like to do and recommend to women for that everted clitoral erection I was talking about is lay back against your partner, have them reach around and pleasure your breasts and tell you whisper in your ear, how sexy you are, what they love about you, what they appreciate about you basically giving you an angel shower of appreciation while they’re playing with your breasts and nipples and your using your vibrator on yourself to give you orgasms. That’s really good foreplay before penetration, because you get your motor running. You need to get your motor running. That’s what you gotta do. And that’s what all these toys do, so those are fun. And then I’ll just finish off with couples toys. There is this, which I think is maybe I can’t even tell you how many people have purchased this, ’cause I love it so much. This is called the NOS, it’s Fun Factory toy two. And it goes onto the base of the penis onto a shaft. And then these little ears tickle your clitoral structure. And it’s great for penetrative sex and you can be on top. And that’s very nice because you can control speed, depth, vibration, et cetera. 

It’s got five speeds and you can take your pleasure. And that’s a learned skill, I didn’t even get good at cowgirl until I was maybe 57, 58 years old, it was like, I just don’t really know how to do this very well. So I did a year of just get my cowgirl game good. And boy, I’ll tell you, it is definitely one of my top things I do now. And I didn’t even know what I was doing when I started. So it’s just, you just have to practice and learn. This is really great too, because you can use this, you can slip this between the two of you without having to have him wear it, and it’s also just a great little this, like this is your purse vibrator right here, so I like that. But if your partner has any erectile dysfunction that you’re working on reversing right now, this is a great product. This is called the, I think it’s called the Pulse Lux and it’s again goes on his shaft and it has a motor for him here. Especially if he struggles to achieve his climax, this gives him perineal stimulation, prostate stimulation, and you get this top piece and you get to be in charge. If you went to do remote control, only bad thing about these remote controls is you can’t see where the button is in the dark. You gotta kind of feel your way around. So be warned on that, like memorize everything before you start. But this is also very nice because this is a, this is a couple’s product that helps hold the blood in his penis so he can stay hard while you penetrate him, help him achieve ejaculation and help you achieve orgasm, so very clever product. There there’s so many good products, but these are my favorites. These are the ones where I’m like, this is what goes in the pleasure chest.

Dr. Sharon Stills

I’m like, are we almost done with the interview? ’cause I wanna go toy shopping.

Susan Bratton

I know, right?

Dr. Sharon Stills

You know, orgasms, masturbation, there’s so many good medical benefits to, you know, the doctor me has to always come in and you know, from reducing urinary tract infections, reversing diabetes, cardiovascular disease. It’s like the best sleeping tonic, you’re gonna get to have an orgasm before bedtime rather than popping an Ambien, and so I love this focus on pleasure. I love that we’re giving women permission here to understand that pleasure is not bad. And I have to ask what is the 30 day self pleasuring challenge?

Susan Bratton

Well, you just try to give yourself pleasure, genital pleasure and orgasmic pleasure every day for 30 days, if there’s a day, you don’t wanna do it, don’t do it. But it is amazing when you consistently use a toy to give yourself pleasure, how turned on you get, how lubricated you get, how much better your orgasm gets and when you’re with your partner too, how much more pleasure you get that way? It just activates everything because there there’s consistent attention given to your genital system.

Dr. Sharon Stills

And I, and one, I have like so many questions, but I’m trying, but one more question, cause that myth of, if you use a vibrator constantly, then you’re not gonna be able to, you’re gonna be desensitized to your partner. And you said that’s not true.

Susan Bratton

The opposite. Yeah, it actually, it enhances, it expands your orgasmic capacity. You learn to have orgasms more easily, more confidently and doing that cross training thing in different ways.

Dr. Sharon Stills

Hmm, so the take home is pleasure. Pleasure, pleasure, pleasure, and more of it. So this has been fantastic. I always love chatting with you.

Susan Bratton

Me too, I love chatting with you too.

Dr. Sharon Stills

And you are gonna give some wonderful gifts to the listeners. There’s gonna be a link below for the 20 orgasms.

Susan Bratton

Yes, so that’s at personallifemedia.com.

Dr. Sharon Stills

Perfect. And then there’s gonna be a link for your nitric oxide product called Flow, which I’m excited about.

Susan Bratton

I’ll send you some if you want some. There that is at buyflownow.com, use that link. It’s cheaper than on Amazon, it’s the cheapest place you can get it. So that’s the one I always use when I tell people about it. So they get the lowest price possible, BuyFlowNow and then the Sexual Soulmate Pact.

Dr. Sharon Stills

Yes.

Susan Bratton

SexualSoulmatePact.com.

Dr. Sharon Stills

And then for the toys.

Susan Bratton

Yes, for Fun Factory it’s, this is a safe link, so there’s a lot of links that’ll take you to places where it could be that you’re not gonna get the official brand. TrustyClick.com/FFactory.

Dr. Sharon Stills

Mm, well thank you for your generous gifts.

Susan Bratton

Of course.

Dr. Sharon Stills

And for the work you do and for what you bring to women to liberate them and to educate them and to let them know that menopause, I love what you said about cowgirl position, that you I’m like, I’m only 54, so I got a few years to like that you didn’t even really get that down, and so that’s just such great permission, no matter where you are, how old you are, where you are in your sexual journey, that it’s always the right time to begin to learn, to explore, and it’s never too late. And that upward pleasure spiral that be all of yours that are listening. And so I’ve learned so much from you as I always do, and I appreciate you taking the time to be with us and share with us, so thank you thank you, thank you.

Susan Bratton

My pleasure.

Dr. Sharon Stills

And you’re probably gonna wanna listen to this one again. For all of you listening. So digest this, get that Sexual Soulmate Pact. So you can start sharing this with your partner, yeah. And we’ll be back with another piece of the Mastering The Menopause Transition, but this was an important one. Pleasure is non-negotiable and you deserve it.

Susan Bratton

Yes.

Dr. Sharon Stills

Thank you.