Mindset Shifts For Your Dream Birth

Introduction and Lindsey Mathews' Background 0:00

Welcome back to the super fertility Summit. This is Dr. Cleopatra, your host. And I'm so excited to bring to you our guests for this talk. Lindsey Mathews. Lindsey. You are the founder of BirthFit. And you, you do so much incredible work through BirthFit including for military families, which I honor and appreciate and respect so much. And you yourself had your super baby within the past year at a quote unquote older age, after experiencing pregnancy loss and making some changes, even though you were already living what most people would consider to be a really healthy, clean lifestyle.

So I'm so excited to have you here today to share from both your professional perspective as the Queen and Mother of BirthFit and also from your personal perspective as the Queen Mama of super baby Girl Viera. Yeah, thank you. Thank you so much for having me. This is an amazing gift that you're giving the world right now, so I hope everybody listens to every episode. Thank you. I know we're so excited. We have curated the most incredible group of experts. I think that the quality of this summit is so unique, and I'm really, really proud of that.

And it's what I wanted. What I wanted for this summit was to be disruptive in the best way possible. I did not want people to come here and hear and see the same things that they hear over and over again. I wanted them to have really groundbreaking, mind blowing ideas that they could start putting into practice right away. And I know that you're going to share some things today that fit so much with that, that intention that I have for the super fertility summit, including about body composition, including what's possible about birth.

And so before we dive in, I always like to think from the end. so when we wrap up our interview, what's the one thing that you hope that the people listening to our voices right now, the mom, dad, dad person of any gender, listening to our voices right now in search of hope, in search of direction, just wanting to prepare, optimize will take away from this conversation. So if a that's a loaded question. it is. I think it's in alignment with what we were talking about before we hit record. And it's, you know, that you have the power inside of you, that you've had this power all along.

You have the power for healing, for conception, to birth your baby, how you desire to mother, father, parent your baby, how you desire. You just have to tap into that intuition and that connection with God and probably do a little work. you know, for me, it was not easy. It was simple and simple is never quite easy. But, yeah, I would say the mindset shifts, the perspective is be open to them, be open to new possibilities, new ways of looking at things.

Mindset, Safety, and Nervous System Healing 3:40

And, you know, find find the connection with God in your body because you have that source. You have you've had that all along. So yeah. I love that so much. And as I'm looking down, I'm taking notes. I just wanted to make sure, you know, that, and I'm, I love so much of what you just said. I want I would love to hear you talk about what's the mindset shift that made all the difference for you as you were going into conceiving and as all and also as you had a first experience that might have set you up for some worry.

Right? Because having that be your first experience isn't isn't easy for many people. It sets them on a trajectory that's really difficult emotionally and otherwise. So what what were some of the mindset shifts that you embraced that made all the difference for you? And if that your connection with God in your body is part of that? I love that the way you sing, how much I would love to hear more about what you mean by connection with God in your body. Yeah. So let me let me back up and, you know, as a chiropractor, as a chiropractor, the focus is on the nervous system.

That's kind of like my language every day. And, finding home in our bodies is about finding safety within the nervous system and letting our nervous system know that we are safe. because when we don't feel safe, our nervous system picks up on those clues, those cues in the environment. And then it starts to basically alter, have a state shift, you know, the physiological processes start to go, and there's a state shift that happens. And our body's always doing things to protect us, always doing things to survive.

And, you know, I knew that. And thank God I knew that from chiropractic school because if I didn't get that learning, I probably would have, you know, freaked a lot more. yeah. You know, a lot more with the, pregnancy loss. But, you know, all through, let's say, my late 20s into my 30s, because as we'll get into I conceived it 39 birth my baby at 40 at home, you know, all natural. Yeah. But, I went through some big life experiences, whether it be a relationship, job, a little trauma on there, you know, kind of the whole gamut of life that we've all been through.

And, you know, I've had to I've worked from a young age, I've had to provide for myself and, you know, all through these ups and downs, these, you know, ebbs and flows of life, the contractions and expansions, I've had to remind myself that, God is doing this for me, or the universe is doing this for me. It's not doing this to me. you know, and that helps me. And maybe it'll help you, but that helps me stay out of what's called the victim mindset, you know, because, oh, we can all easily, you know, have a little downward spiral and go into poor me or, identify with a diagnosis or, you know, go in that negative just kind of shitstorm, if you will. And, you know, whenever I can stop and breathe and integrate and just be like, okay, the universe is doing this for me, then I start to think of all the possibilities and, okay, I know that that God has a bigger timeline.

So, you know, as somebody that I call myself like a recovering type A and, you know, in undergrad, I majored in biology and I was pre-med, and I'm somebody that would have all the the notes and processes of the Krebs cycle, everything on the walls in my room. My roommates made so much fun at me. And, you know, I find. That I was not. God's not nerd, too. Oh, my God, I thought I was going to go to med school. But last minute, another story for another time. I did a trip to Africa and changed my whole life. But, I switched to chiropractic school.

But, you know, I checked all the boxes, you know, being healthy. And, this was, you know, prior to my first, first conception and, you know, I was eating clean, I was exercising, I was recovering, you know, I was exercising probably 4 to 6 days a week. I was doing, like, saunas, ice baths, body work. I was getting adjusted by my friend, you know, I was doing acupuncture sporadically, but I was paying attention to training, paying attention to recovery. And for me, the training wasn't as intense as I had been training you know, I like to tell people 2010 to 2016 ish where my big, let's call them CrossFit heyday. Yes.

That was, you know, back in SoCal when CrossFit was taken off. And it was a ton of fun. Yeah. And it's fun. Yeah. But, so for me, the training had toned down, you know, it wasn't as intense. And, you know, I was also working a lot at the time, like, I was motivated about my career. I would I had moved to a new city. I'd moved from LA to Austin, and I was like, in hustle mode again, go mode. And at that time, my now husband, we had met probably. So it was May, June, July, I probably about five months before.

And then we had started talking about a family and, we were, okay, let's remove the goalie. yes. The goalie. First try, I got pregnant and that's incredible. Oh my gosh. Surprise. You know. Yeah. At that time I was 37. And so still in the back of my mind, there's that like, oh, geriatric. plastic. Oh okay. This works. This is how we do it. And, it was right around two months later when I experienced the loss, and, Oh, I appreciate you saying that. and I don't identify the loss with, anything negative. You know.

A you don't identify with the loss of some. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. at the time. And I still work with this spiritual coach. we get on the phone, like, once a month, but at the time, I was probably talking to him once a week, and, because I went through a big transition, moving from LA to Austin and, you know, he was awesome and helping guide me and, be like a rock on my end.

Pregnancy Loss, Softening, and Fertility Changes 10:40

And so he was there for me through that. I had an acupuncturist there supporting me through that, and, a chiropractor friend and then my now husband. He was awesome. And using, you know, I also had a midwife, who we had tapped into, you know, just in case, things got rolling, but, you know, it was sad. Yes. And I mourned the loss. And at the same time, I also felt like I had honored that spirit. And now, you know, I was a vessel for that spirit, and that's what that spirit needed. And, we felt like it was a male spirit.

And even, you know, some of my spiritual guides, they were like, it was a it was a male. Yeah. You know, how how truth, truthful that is. But I felt like it was a male. His journey was complete and I did the best I could as that little spirit's mother in that time and place. So beautiful. Yeah. Beautiful. And you know I think about it at that time and you know I kept telling myself those words of God's doing this for you. The universe has prepared you for this. You the universe is doing this for you.

And, you know, I don't know anything. Yeah. I don't remember any of it being heartbreaking or sad, you know, because I think in the back of my mind, in the back of my heart, I knew we were going to have a family someday. Yes. I think because I've read it in the Bible, I think I, you know, there's a book I think it's called, Supernatural Pregnancy. It's an old book, but it has lots of Bible verses in it. It talks about, you know, how God has plans for for you to be a mother. And, there's there's all I'm terrible about reciting verses, but there's all kinds of evidence in there.

and so I tapped into that a little bit, but fast forward, I came back to that in the first trimester of, you know, the next time I conceived. But to answer your question, as we completed that chapter that actually encouraged me and my husband to get clear on what we wanted for values, our desires as a family. And, we made some big life choices. We moved out of the city. We moved to the country. He did a complete 180 career shift because he wanted to be home with me and, you know, go to bed with me, go to bed with our future kiddo.

Amazing. It was powerful. And I don't think, you know, had we had that experience that we wouldn't we would be making those hard life choices right now. You know, that that put us in motion for sure. Then, and then at the same time for me to get in motion on reevaluating my health. And, you know, it was talking to you about this. I posted a picture on my social earlier, I think like a week or so ago. So we're in June whenever this airs. But, it was my body like, showing my body of the first conception and then the second conception we had, which was two years later.

And that's the one that resulted in, you know, the home birth, the baby girl viewer on the other side. But if you look at my body in the first conception, I have a six pack, I have no boobs. I'm definitely, you know, by society's standards, skinny and healthy. And, on the second photo, I definitely have some more boobs. I definitely have, you know, curves around the waist. you can see some abs, but not nearly like you could see in the first photo and in that second. But I didn't know it yet. But I was pregnant.

And, you know, for me, I think what I had to do was add some depth as far as nutrient stores and mineral stores go. And I describe it as feeling like surface level, a surface level, healthy on the first one. Like I said, I checked all the boxes, did all the things, but you know, if we're looking at thriving instead of just survival, I probably wasn't thriving, you know, and that's evident because, you know, the with conception and reproduction, like when we're at our optimal health and thrive when we can reproduce and, you know, yes, there's, you know, lots, lots of information about miscarriages being like chromosomal abnormalities or sperm.

And, you know, I never blamed myself once for it, but or I should say, and also, at the same time, with anything in life, I try to find my role in the situation. I love that so much. Not blaming not blaming yourself. And at the same time locating your role in it. Yeah, I love that so much. Beautiful. Creative. so I was like, okay, I know that, you know, my exercise and fitness and all that didn't cause the miscarriage. And I was complete with knowing that that's that was the life cycle of this spirit.

And also at the same time, let's get even healthier to support the next, our next chapter. so that's what I did. I went, went hardcore on some, some more animal products, and consuming a lot more protein. And, you know, for me, it was actually I had to take pen to paper like, I have these, like, little notebooks laying around. And so what I started doing instead of like an app because I'll forget on an app, you know, I started tracking what I was eating, and I realized for a grown woman exercising as much as I do, I was not nearly eating enough.

And that was whether I was trying to conceive or not. Period. I'm not eating enough. So I upped the protein, like made it my job to eat, every 3 to 4 hours. And I would eat a protein, carb, protein. And if that, and I also incorporated raw milk like crazy. And I had dabbled in it before, like once a week, twice a week. But I started consuming my fertility shake, as I call it. And, you know, it's raw milk, raw egg yolk. I put some liver supplements in there, like, would break a capsule open or use the noble, powder and then some honey.

And, I'm trying to think if there's anything else, I would put it in there, but, it's a little bit of salt, and that would be, you know, pretty nutrient dense. So I would have that in the late morning after my breakfast. And also breakfast was a must, like got to wake up and get breakfast. so eating enough was one of the biggest changes. And then also we talked about mindset shift slowing down. So as I said, I was somebody that checked the boxes and I was somebody that had this hard outer shell.

And, you know, I would just kind of like bulldoze through anything or, you know, I'm going to outwork this or, you know, if that makes sense. Like what? I can get it done, you know? Yeah. I can withstand the late hours. I can wake up early, write this report, whatever. but I stopped bulldozing. Or, as I say, like, not using my masculine energy as much. And, you know, there's a time and place for masculine energy. Feminine energy. And I think what God, the universe, this whole wild world we live in, was asking me to step more into my feminine and surrender more.

And, you know, I had found my, my king. And he had set, you know, protective barrier, protective cave he was providing for us. So I didn't need to worry about that anymore. So I had to drop the hard outer shell and soften. And I think that was, like, really big learning for me. And, you know, an identity shift also like letting down, letting the guard down and being taken care of because my whole life up until 37 years old, I've had to take care of myself. And I'm sure you know, many successful, independent women probably can relate to that.

you know, so that was a big learning experience for me, and I call it the softening. And, I, I would put moments in my day, like schedule on the calendar, like 30 minutes, do nothing, just be outside in nature and no technology, nothing. And I made it like a pleasure challenge for myself and, you know, pleasure challenge of like touching you, but just actually finding God in the small moments. And at first, you know, when you're shifting out of, let's say, sympathetic overdrive, you're looking at your phone every five minutes.

But then, you know, two weeks into my Self-Pleasure challenge, I was like, oh, I can stretch this out an hour. I can lose track of time. I can be in nature and dance in the wind and whatever, you know? so that was the softening for me. And right at right before my 40th birthday, we traveled for my 40th birthday is when we conceived, looking back, even five back, I was like, I'd totally forgotten. You know, my period was late and I was like, oh, wait, okay. And I remember we had a huge Christmas dinner together and, it was lamb, lamb chops and some like we had just feasted on like really nutrient dense foods and shift, you know, a month later is when I finally took a pregnancy test.

I was like, oh my gosh. I was like, my boobs are sore. This can't be. But it is how I made the, the confirmation was there. So I hope that answers that question. But, it was a big feminine shift and big surrender for me as far as mindset goes. It's so beautiful. There's so many things that I love. And there's so one thing I always say is that making and raising our super babies requires all of us to both our masculine and feminine parts, and for them to be in harmony and balance with one another.

And I think that so many of us who are female and female identifying, but have our ambitions, have taken care of ourselves, have had to lean so far into our masculine and have become disconnected from the our feminine and feminine parts.

Best Fertility Practices and Avoiding Externalized Power 22:00

And and if you think about it, society really conditions us to to be disconnected from an almost in opposition with our femininity, like, you know, disdain for the menstrual cycle. It's an inconvenience. It's or a disdain for curves. I remember as a, as a young professor when I was started at USC on the tenure track, I wasn't that much older than my graduate students, and I'm so curvy and I would try so hard to cover. I would wear like three layers of shirts so that nobody could see, like. My feelings, just.

Straight up and down. Yeah, exactly. I tried. My husband would always be like, that's not working. You can stop doing that. You know, that's like, but I think, I think we, we really tend to lean so far in to the masculine because we feel like we have no choice in order to survive and thrive in these very male, masculine and male dominated, spaces in the world, especially professionally, financially otherwise. And I think that what you're talking talking about, about the softening is so big and we and we actually we actually talk about softening and surrender but more of a softening.

Right. So not surrender as in giving up but softening into your process of making and receiving your super baby. So I love when you talk about your process of softening and I, I would love to know what you consider to be the best and worst fertility trends of 2020 for. The best and worst. And yeah, dang, that's a good question. Well, I think anything that takes you that disconnects you from your body or tries to take the power outside of you and I, you know, that's one reason why, like, HRT, like the assisted reproductive technology world is, you know, blowing up right now.

but we see a ton of women that, you know, in the chiropractic space that have just lost all hope with their body and have almost turned the power over to that external source. And I wish so, so much that, you know, sure. Like the options there use it if you want to, but I don't think we need to. It feels like the that Western medicine approach almost beats the power out of the the woman, you know, and, replaces it with, you know, shiny, sterile objects. I don't love that, you know, because then when the time comes, their intuition is, let's say it's a flame.

It's so small, you know, they don't trust that intuition. And you got to have that intuition going into motherhood and parenthood. You know, whether you're mom or dad and you've got to trust that that inside of you. And I think that practice starts way prior to preconception. I agree. You know, the the other thing like I always see like random things on the internet like don't do this exercise if you want to conceive or, you know, stop exercising if you want to conceive and, you know, that's that's just like, there's all these, like, bogus general statements.

And whenever I hear a general statement like that, just like, where's the validity in it? you know, when somebody told me, stop exercising to conceive, you're you're too old. It's like, well, let's talk about how you're exercising, you know? What does that look like? you know, maybe cut down on the cardio and go more weightlifting and walking, which is what I did. you know, so those are the things that stick out to me. I probably didn't answer that question. No, that was great. And I. I really love what you said about anything that takes you outside of yourself and, and locates the solution.

And the power outside of you is something that you would want to steer clear of. And. When you said it, how it has such an impact on your intuition. And if your intuition is aflame, it's gotten so dim, so small, and you need it for pregnancy and you need it for birth and you need it for parenting. So I love that so, so much. If there was just one thing that somebody could do to take care, I know this is a really hard task because it's really hard to say just one thing. But if there is this one thing that somebody could do to take care of their fertility and their future family, the health of their future children, what in your mind is that one thing?

I'm going to I'm going to it stack and put. That I like that have it, stack it. So I think if you can movement and sunshine are huge. Yeah. And I think if you can get outside and do a walk within the first hour to two hours of your day and let the sunlight hit your eyeballs, you know, no contacts. Let's put this let the sunlight in those eye, those pretty eyeballs, and then you're walking like movement is key. Movement is life. You know, it gets the blood flowing, shifts energy. Movement is a conversation with your body.

That's what we always say at birth. It, it's almost like a check in with yourself. And, you know, I use movement right? As a conversation with my body. So when I'm out walking, that's a conversation with God. That's a conversation, reflection opportunity. And it's really my time to just have a check in. And so that's where I would have it stack and say sunshine movement. And then, you know, the cherry on top is that you get to talk to God in those moments. I love that okay, sunshine movement and the cherry on top of talking to God in this moment.

I love that. It's so beautiful. So beautiful. Okay. Last question okay. What is super fertility mean to you? What does it feel like? What does it look like? Oh my gosh. Well I was going to say it looks like you. Oh you're telling me. Yeah. So whatever.

Super Fertility and Feeling at Home in Your Body 28:30

Your super baby, super fertility. I think of Dr. Cleopatra for sure. but, you know, the other phrase that came to mind was being at home in your body. And, you know, that's the biggest thing I think overall, because you're going to go through ebbs and flows with the conception, the preconception chapter. You're going to go through ebbs and flows in pregnancy. You're going to go through ebbs and flows, ups and downs and all around, and parenthood. And at the end of the day, you're always going to come back to your body, or ideally you come back to your body.

And that's where, you know, nervous system lives, where we feel safe or unsafe in our body. And that's where we get the opportunity to choose. Like, I get to choose to have God on the altar of my soul, and there's free will God give us free will and how we have our lifestyle, how we, you know, show up in this world and, you know, the being at home in our bias, it can be I think, you know, I probably had to work on this for ten years prior to even thinking about conception. because I feel like my brain was disconnected from my body.

And you can't do that in birth. They got to be connected, you know, for the the actual birth of your baby. And I think brain body. So heart mind connection that that was huge. And me realizing, okay, this is my home, this is my temple for this earthly life. And, and I think that's one of the biggest mindset things that helped me in labor and was a like I was able to show up, step into this motherly role, and birth my baby at home because I felt at home in my body. You know. That is so beautiful.

I want I want to say that I want to say it again. You were able to step up and birth your baby in the way that you wanted to at home because you felt that, in your body, how powerful and beautiful is that? And you're right. I think from a very young age, girls are taught to be disconnected from their bodies and kind of at odds with them, at war with them in some cases. And how different and expansive and refreshing is it to feel like you're at home in your body, you're safe in your body. And one thing that I think is so remarkable about our super babies is somebody commented on one of my posts recently and was like, they're just super babies are just built different and for real.

They they are built different. And the one of the things that is different about them is that they are at home in their bodies. They are at home in the world. And that is a beautiful thing to witness. Oh, it's it's powerful. Like my daughter Vera. Oh she she's moving, crawling, pulling up to stand now. And I think she has more confidence in her nine month old body than I ever did. I agree, I agree. With my own did at 37 maybe, you know. Yeah. No I don't I still don't have the confidence my super babies have like I'm like, I want to be like them when I, when I, you know, they're so.

Yeah. Amazing. I absolutely agree with that. So beautiful. Lindsey, thank you for being here. Thank you. Thank you for sharing your wisdom. And also the beautiful heart and soul and truth of your your personal experience, because I think so many people will draw strength from it, faith from it, and relate to it. And we're so happy to have you here. Thank you. Oh, it's such an honor to be here. And like I said, super fertility, super baby. That's you right there. Thank you so much I received that.

That's a great. That's like like the greatest honor you could have in life. So thank you, thank you. And thank you for being here with us listening, watching. And we'll see you in the next interview. Awesome.