Full Transcript Introduction and Domestic Violence Trigger Warning 0:00 Welcome to the coalition. 0:02 This is a talk show dedicated to discussing health, wellness 0:06 and inspiration. 0:07 I'm your host, Doctor Shani Belgrade. 0:12 Trigger warning. 0:13 In this episode, we discuss domestic violence, including its impact 0:17 and realities. 0:19 Hello, everybody. 0:21 Thank you so much for joining the coalition. 0:23 I'm your host after Shani Belgrave. 0:25 I am a bariatric and minimally invasive surgeon in Atlanta, Georgia. 0:29 You can learn more about me and get connected at 0:33 Doctor Shani belgrade.com. 0:35 I am excited to welcome to the show today, Doctor Priscilla Hubbard. 0:40 Doctor Priscilla Hubbard joins the show right on 0:43 time for Domestic Violence Awareness Month to share her story as a survivor 0:48 of domestic violence, and also to discuss her new memoir, 0:52 Removing the Mask from Pain to Purpose. 0:57 Doctor Priscilla Hubbard, thank you so much for joining the coalition. 1:03 Thank you so much. 1:04 Got to be great for having me. 1:05 I greatly appreciate this opportunity. 1:08 Well, thank you so much. 1:09 As you know, the show is all things health, wellness and inspiration. 1:14 And so your story is 1:15 definitely inspirational and I'm grateful that you have joined the show. 1:19 So can you please tell us, first of all, who is Doctor Priscilla Harper?
Meet Dr. Priscilla Hubbard 1:24 Well, I am Doctor Priscilla Hubbard. 1:28 I am the president and CEO of my consulting firm, White Consulting, 1:34 and I'm also the executive director and chief operating officer 1:39 for the illustrious Atlanta medical Association and the Heritage Fine. 1:45 But most and foremost, my important role is being the mother 1:49 of my one son and my three beautiful grandchildren. 1:54 Fantastic. 1:55 Well, please 1:56 get it started by telling us a little bit about your story and your journey. 2:02 My journey 2:03 started with dating a young man who I felt was. 2:06 I thought he was the one. 2:09 We dated for about eight years. 2:12 The first two years were actually. 2:15 They were beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. 2:17 Then as we were going into our third year, everything just fell apart. 2:21 He I started experience something I've never experienced before. 2:26 He was began to be jealous just because at this particular time, my girlfriend 2:31 and I were going to go shopping and she was staying with my brother. 2:35 Would like to come along just to just be with us for sure. 2:38 Somehow my boyfriend at the time found out 2:42 and he thought that I was going and I was cheating on him. 2:46 When he found out, he got very, very abusive,
Early Relationship and Abuse Begins 2:51 to the fact that he started choking me. 2:55 And as I was beginning 2:57 to go, escape from the situation, to go across the hall 3:02 when my mother used to live at that particular time, 3:05 he found me, drag me back and try to really choke me again. 3:09 And somehow I fought myself off, got into a fetal position, 3:14 and somehow went back and actually called the police. 3:18 And at that particular point, and when my mother did come, 3:21 she really thought that I did. 3:23 Something devastated them. 3:25 But at that point, I was in total shock 3:28 because I've never had something like that to happen to me. 3:32 Then as time became a part of itself, 3:35 things subsided and we just, you know, things got back to a normal situation. 3:40 I thought. 3:41 And then I realized each time that he felt like he did not have control. 3:47 That's when he got very abusive. 3:50 He became, emotional, physical and. 3:56 Abusive to me. 3:58 And for about six years, on and off, 4:01 we were going back and forth, and I was in an abusive type of relationship. 4:05 It was one time that I ended up having to flee my home 4:09 with nothing but the clothes on my back, and a few articles in a bag with my son 4:14 just to hide out because of the fact that he was, planning 4:18 to do something devastating to my son and myself. 4:22 It was a situation where I was not intimate 4:26 with him, Doctor Belgrave, the way he wanted. 4:29 He got there very aggressive, and I'd gotten to a point 4:32 when I told my son, I said, look, if anything ever happened to God, 4:36 because he would use my son some time as a shield to get toward me. 4:41 And then from there, I said hi until mommy can get some help. 4:45 And that particular night, I was able to get 4:48 leave the hall with nothing on but a night gal trying to find us. 4:51 You know, he found me, dragged me back down the middle of a highway over 4:56 gravel and placed me on a deep freezer and put a gun to my head 5:02 and he told me, if I can't have you, nobody can. 5:04 And at that time, my son walked in 5:08 and I said, so you're going to kill me right in front of my son? 5:11 And I could feel the cold coldness of the gun on my side of my forehead. 5:16 He looked at me. 5:17 He looked at my son, pulled back the hammer and left. 5:21 Then it was a situation 5:24 where I found out he did he actually cheat on me? 5:28 I confronted him and because of the emotional balance 5:31 he had caused me in my life to that particular point 5:35 and the stress, he got devastatingly upset with me again.
Escalating Violence and Leaving for Safety 5:40 Kicked me in my stomach in just gasoline. 5:44 Emotionally abusive to me at that particular point. 5:46 Mentally. 5:47 I went to work that night and I'm thinking that I was having my monthly, but 5:51 I don't 5:53 come to play. 5:53 And I started bleeding profusely. 5:55 And when I got to the E.R., the doctor confronted me. 5:59 He said, 6:02 did you realize you was pregnant? 6:03 I said, no, I did not. 6:06 He said, well, you were, and you're going to have to do a procedure 6:09 to ensure that that there are no infections or anything. 6:15 And it's gotten to the point. 6:16 I just couldn't take it anymore. I was just devastated. 6:19 And at that time, 6:22 several other things happened to me thereafter. 6:25 And then as time went on, I just realized it was time for me to leave this type 6:31 of a safer situation because it was not healthy for me, 6:34 nor was it healthy for my son. 6:38 Between that, my family didn't know being homeless and all the above, and 6:45 when my 6:45 sister lived here in Atlanta said this, you need to come and stay with me. 6:49 You bring my nephew and you come here. 6:51 Stay with me and get away from all of it. 6:53 And that's one of the reasons how I actually got here in 6:59 Atlanta. 7:02 Wow. Well, 7:03 thank you so much for sharing your story. 7:06 What led you to write the book? 7:10 Removing the Mask from Pain to Purpose. 7:13 Write my book. 7:20 Because 7:20 during the whole entire time I had to put on a mask. 7:24 My son could know, my family could know. 7:27 And at that time 7:31 I was in law enforcement. 7:33 And through all of this 7:36 I experienced the horrific robbery 7:39 where, I was 7:42 getting out of my car to go home right after work. 7:45 And because of my job, I worked in, you know, on Public Eye. 7:49 So this particular night, a man was coming down the sidewalk. 7:53 I'm thinking just walking out. 7:54 He's not to buy me whatever I had one foot in my car, one foot out of my car, 7:59 getting ready to get my purse and my gun to go into, my apartment. 8:05 And he snatched my purse, 8:07 pulled out a butcher's knife. 8:08 I was like, oh my God, this man is robbing me. 8:12 He, went into my neck, 8:15 to find my gun. I couldn't find my. 8:17 And then at that point, he tried my pants up, 8:20 he tried to sexual me, and I'm fighting. 8:23 I finally realized that he couldn't go any further with me.
Writing the Memoir and Surviving the Robbery 8:28 He dropped me back in the car, took my purse, put it up on his arm, 8:32 took a few steps, steps, lit a cigaret, and I was. 8:37 All I can know is, oh my God, I got to get out of here. 8:39 I got to get out. 8:40 My son conceived this woman thinking it's even his way. 8:42 And luckily, my keys had fallen out of my purse onto the floor. 8:47 I would manage to get my keys, and at that time, 8:50 I had to hurry up and get to the hospital because each time that I would breathe, 8:54 I would still continues in losing the infinite amount of blood. 8:59 And so I drove about. 9:01 I saw the person who robbed me out of my, right, peripheral view. 9:06 I started to run him over, but I said, no, I need to get to the hospital. 9:09 So I drove about two blocks, and at that time, 9:12 the guy was dating a cousin who was EMT. 9:15 He, stopped. 9:17 I finally waved him down. 9:19 He stopped, pulled me over, 9:20 grabbed me up, put me in his truck, and took me to the E.R.. 9:25 I burst my way in. 9:26 I told him that I had been robbed and it put me on a gurney, 9:29 and they started throwing, you know, medicine in me. 9:33 And they said, we have to give you a shot because you've been, 9:35 you know, you said you you need to stay with a butcher's knife. 9:38 He said, do you want to be put to sleep? 9:40 I said, no, I do not want to be put to sleep because I do not. 9:42 I'm afraid if I do, I will not be able to wake up and see my son. 9:46 And at that time I said, oh God, my legs, my legs, 9:49 and they ripped my pants up and come to find that same Albert, 9:51 you have been stabbed on both of your legs as well. 9:55 In my 9:55 time, they they sutured me up the first time, doctor Bill. 9:58 Great. 9:59 And then they call the plastic surgeon and they say, well, 10:05 you have to take all of this out, these sutures out, 10:07 because he's African American. 10:09 You have to suture them on the inside and then suture them on the outside 10:14 to make sure you can get it smooth. 10:17 Suture. Easy. 10:18 You got to take all of this out. 10:20 Mind you, I had no anesthesia. 10:22 I had no, no, I didn't have nothing. 10:24 So from 11:15 p.m. 10:27 to 4 a.m., that's how long it took them to suture me. 10:32 Get me, clean me up. You know, to get home. 10:35 I had 75 stitches in my face, 55 in my neck and ten on both of my legs. 10:41 I had to have police surveillance with me 10:43 24 hours a day for, six months after that. 10:48 I end up getting plastic surgery thereafter. 10:51 And the most devastating about this whole thing is thought to be a great. 10:55 The perpetrator who actually attacked 10:58 me knew my boyfriend. 11:01 Wow. He often said, if I can't have it, 11:04 nobody can. Yep. 11:08 Wow. Yep. 11:11 When I read your book.
Recovery, PTSD, and Finding Purpose 11:14 Yeah, when I read your book and I read your accounting 11:18 of those events, it was really chilling. 11:21 Really. And even to hear you say it now. 11:24 So it speaks to your incredible strength. 11:27 Did you know that you would heal and become the woman you are today? 11:32 Did you know that? 11:35 I didn't know that I was. 11:39 You actually get to this particular point 11:41 because it really helped me to stay focused was my son. 11:46 That was my reason for living. 11:49 That was everything. 11:50 As everything I did, it was I got to stay here for my son. 11:53 I got to stay here for my son. 11:55 And this surgeon said he said, thank God, the butcher's knife. 11:58 It was done. 12:00 He said, because it was one fourth from your main jugular vein 12:04 in the way he tore my skin. 12:06 He said, if it had, you probably would not be here today. Wow. 12:12 Yeah. 12:12 So your book talks about From pain to purpose. 12:17 And after having gone through 12:20 everything that you went through, how did you heal? 12:24 How did you overcome your pain and turn that into purpose? 12:28 To be honest with you, I got started healing once I moved to Atlanta. 12:33 I researched, a therapist. 12:37 She was phenomenal. 12:38 I mean, absolutely phenomenal. 12:40 She was breaking through barriers 12:41 I never thought I was going to be able to do 12:44 because I kept pushing everything backwards. 12:45 Because is, you know, sometimes for me, in situations, 12:49 you know, you're bleeding, but you don't have time. To me, 12:51 I didn't have to think about time to be all 12:53 my main focus is with I had to support my son. 12:55 I didn't have time to think about anything for myself. 12:58 And then when I moved here, I realized I needed to get some help 13:03 because certain things was he was dealing with in school and things of this nature. 13:08 And I saw those things subsiding over the things that I was doing. 13:12 And that's when I got the help that I needed. 13:14 I didn't realize PTSD I had. 13:17 I thought it was just people in the military. 13:20 And she told me, you know, when you go through a traumatic experience, 13:24 you two can. 13:25 So you you have separate PTSD 13:29 and not a clue that I did. 13:32 And once I started the healing process 13:35 and I said, God, why am I here? 13:37 It's not about you. 13:39 There's a purpose for you. 13:41 And that's why the book is titled Removing the Mat, because I wore a mask 13:46 for so many years, dealing with the things I had to deal with. 13:49 I didn't want anyone to know my pain that I was going 13:52 through, what I was struggling with, trying to make each day 13:56 to survive each day, to make sure I needed to do what I need to do for my son.
Advice for Survivors and Healing 14:00 And then I turned my pain into a purpose. 14:04 Because in domestic violence situations, people don't survive. 14:08 They either rolled out 14:11 with a tote bag and rarely do they walk out. 14:13 And if they do walk out there, they are horrifically scarred 14:17 mentally, physically and emotionally. 14:19 And I'm just thankful that I'm here today to say that I'm no longer a victim. 14:25 I am a survivor, persevering. 14:29 Well, the statistics are staggering. 14:31 Intimate partner violence affects more than 12 million people every year. 14:37 It's a devastating problem. 14:40 And it's something that, for obvious reasons, people don't really 14:44 come forward and talk about. 14:45 And there's all this concern for safety. 14:48 So I'm so glad that you are opening up and sharing your story 14:53 for a group of people that might be abused now and are looking for hope 14:57 and looking to see someone who's made it to the other side, 15:01 and 15:04 or maybe someone who, like you, have made it to the other side, but 15:08 still is not fully healed 15:11 and it's still holding them back in other areas of their life. 15:15 What would you tell people? 15:16 What would be your takeaway message about domestic violence? 15:22 My takeaway is 15:24 seek the help that you need. 15:28 Do whatever you have to do 15:29 to remove that mask. 15:33 It might take time to get to that particular point, 15:37 but once you make that decision 15:39 to no longer allow the person or persons that may have hurt you 15:44 to have a hold on you, and you decide you want to now be a survivor. 15:50 That is the beginning of your healing process. 15:53 That is the beginning of you moving forward 15:55 so you can have control of your life. 16:00 It is not going to be easy. 16:01 I can guarantee you. 16:02 It is not going to be easy because this book 16:06 would not have been published if my son had not given me the money 16:13 to actually publish it, because it's part of said he is in my life 16:18 and he said that, mama, please, this is your truth. 16:22 And if your truth can help someone, then I want you to go ahead 16:27 and let it be known, because you never know who you may help. 16:30 Yes. Do I have good days now? Bad days. 16:33 And you're going to have them. 16:34 But the main thing is to survive. 16:37 Do whatever you have to do. 16:39 Get the help that you need. 16:41 That's why medical professionals are here. 16:43 They're here to help you get to that next step. 16:47 I know we as African-Americans, we don't want to go to therapist.
How to Connect and Closing Remarks 16:50 We don't like a psychologist, psychologist or psychologist. 16:53 But I'm here to tell you, as a witness, it helps you to get past those barriers. 16:59 It helps you to break those chains 17:01 that have been holding you back most of all. 17:05 So you can be free, 17:07 free to stand in the position, 17:09 such as myself, because everything that you're going through is not for you. 17:14 I had to learn that what I went through, it wasn't for me. 17:17 It was for me to be here on this day, to tell others. 17:22 Removing your mask so you can persevere toward pain 17:26 from pain and move forward to your purpose. 17:29 Because sometime you got to be a drum major in your own parade. 17:32 And that's what I had to do. 17:34 I had to go ahead. 17:35 If no one else can drum for me, no one else could fight for me. 17:40 I had to go and fight for myself 17:43 and be the drum major in my own great day. 17:47 My thing is, learn how to take your pain and turn it into your purpose. 17:53 And trust me, that will be the best and most important step 17:56 you can ever make in your life. 17:59 Well, thank you so much Doctor Priscilla Hubbard. 18:02 For people listening that feel like they need to connect with you, 18:06 what is the best way for them to reach out? 18:11 You can actually reach me on my other 18:13 IG is d r d d a 18:18 g underscore P Hubbard. 18:22 Follow me on my Instagram. 18:24 You may email me too as well. 18:27 Is DRP Hubbard 3@gmail.com 18:32 and my website will be up hopefully in the next few days. 18:36 And I will make sure that information is shared with everyone. 18:39 But please get connected with me. 18:42 Please allow me the opportunity to do whatever I can to help. 18:45 If you need me for certain things in the blog, well, speaking, engagement 18:49 or whether it's for me to talk even deeper, I'll be more than happy to. 18:54 Doctor Belgrave. 18:55 Wow, thanks so much for sharing. 18:57 What is deeply personal for anyone watching that needs help. 19:01 The number to the National Domestic Violence Hotline 19:03 is (800) 799-7233. 19:08 Doctor Priscilla Hubbard, 19:10 thank you so much for trusting us with such a powerful testimony. 19:14 We hope to see you on a show another time. 19:16 It's my pleasure and thank you so much for having me, doctor Bill gray. 19:20 Thank you. 19:22 Well, everybody, thank you so much for tuning in 19:25 to another impactful episode of The Coalition. 19:28 I'm your host, Doctor Shani Belgrave. 19:31 I am a bariatric and minimally invasive surgeon in Atlanta, Georgia. 19:35 You can stay connected with me at 19:39 Doctor Shani belgrave.com. 19:41 Very special thank you to Doctor Priscilla Hubbard for sharing a very powerful 19:46 and personal testimony on her experience surviving domestic violence. 19:51 I'll see you all next time.
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