Full Transcript Podcast Introduction and Guest Welcome 0:01 Welcome everybody to the Eat Pray Faith podcast with Dr. Tracy. [music] That's 0:05 me. And today I have a very special guest, Dr. Sheren McCoy, who is not only 0:11 one of my top practitioners in my teleaalth company, but she has been an 0:16 incredible woman of God, lover of Jesus, and overall Christian mentor in my life. 0:22 you know, she and I had been friends for years prior to even working together, 0:28 and now we have the opportunity to actually sit by side by side and help 0:32 people see better ways to health and Jesus. Today though, we're going to be 0:37 talking about the release of her new book, The Father's Porch, a journey of 0:42 hope for parents of prodals. And this conversation, 0:47 I believe Dr. Sharen is going to share the heart behind her book, The Father's 0:52 Porch. And I have to say, it's a powerful reflection of the parable of 0:56 the prodical son and how it collided with her own personal journey. We're 1:01 going to talk about what the porch symbolizes, what it means to wander, 1:05 what it costs to wait, and how the father's love looks when life gets 1:11 really messy. So, if you've ever wrestled with anything like this in your 1:16 life, whether it's shame or distance or grief or rebellion or or a longing just 1:21 to come home, this episode is for you. So, Dr. Sher and McCoy, thank you for 1:26 being here. >> Thank you. Thanks for having me. I uh I 1:30 have my cup of Earl Gray, you know, just like if you're sitting on my porch. And 1:34 I just heard my new dog barking in the background. So, if you can hear him, I 1:38 apologize. Or her. I apologize. she's new and we're just learning how to have 1:43 a a big dog in our life. So, um hopefully, you know, that won't be too 1:48 much of a distraction. I love this story and um several people have asked me like
The Father's Porch and the Prodigal Son 1:53 why a porch and you know I'm from the south. I don't know what it's like in 1:57 the north, but um I have some friends that live up in Pennsylvania that have 2:01 these big beautiful porches and you get to see you know so many of the seasons 2:06 change. Well, we don't get to see seasons change too much in Texas. It's 2:09 either hot and brown or hot again, you know. So, we have a a few little cold 2:16 spots here, but I've always loved a porch. And so, whenever I was reading uh 2:21 Luke 15 through my own personal journey, that's the vision that I have in my mind 2:26 of that the father is waiting on the porch waiting for me to come back. And 2:32 um yes, I have my own personal story about my own personal um you know, my 2:37 child. However, what has taught me through this whole specific situation is 2:42 that all of the emotions that you go through when you have a prodal in your 2:47 life or you have a person in your life that um maybe didn't meet up to your 2:53 expectations that's very much of a a thing sometimes and I think that's for 2:57 everybody right like we always have these expectations especially as parents 3:02 of what we think we want our kids to do and they don't um you they blow it out 3:08 of the water. Sometimes those expectations are amazing and wonderful 3:11 and you never would have dreamed that on the good side. And sometimes it's maybe 3:17 a little lackluster that you wanted more for them. And sometimes that's because 3:22 they truly have walked away. And sometimes that's because you have to 3:25 clean up your own porch and realize that you have to, you know, readress some 3:31 things. And so, um, just running the whole gamut of that. So that's kind of 3:35 what the the whole porch part of it is and then just walking through the 3:38 seasons of it. >> Awesome. Well, I have a copy of it here. 3:42 It also comes with a workbook. But before we dive into the actual kind of 3:47 material and flow and your heart behind it, can you just refresh our listeners 3:51 memory of the story of the prodical son in the Bible, which is kind of the root 3:56 inspiration of where this came from? >> Yeah, absolutely. So, um, a parable 4:01 whenever, um, in scripture when, uh, when when Jesus is talking in parables, 4:06 it's not always a very specific person. I think when we read that, especially 4:10 when we've been in church for a long time, you know, I've been in church my 4:14 whole life. Um, we think, oh, this is a specific person that this really 4:18 happened to where in this situation is really never named. So, um, it it's a 4:24 story of a person who leaves and then, you know, he's a it's a he's a rich the 4:29 father's a rich ruler. He has everything and then the the son says, "Hey, I want 4:34 mine now." And so the father wants him to stay, but he decides to leave. The 4:40 father gives him um all of his inheritance and then he, you know, he 4:45 blows it all, right? finds himself in a place of eating with the pigs and not 4:51 any, you know, not even as good as what his his father's servants have. 4:55 Meanwhile, there is another son that has stayed by who's been very faithful and 5:00 has looked at all of those things and and this angst that this father has is 5:05 like, I want him to come back. I I hope that he comes back. And um finally when 5:10 the the son has um really hit rock bottom eating with the pigs, he says, 5:15 you know, even if I can be my father's servant now, I I'm better off going 5:20 there. So he comes back. And in Luke 15:20, it says while the he was still a 5:26 long way off, the father waited. And what an incredible, beautiful story that 5:32 is of how the heavenly father waits for us while we're still a long way off. He 5:38 still waits for us. So, I love that part. So, he comes back and what happens 5:42 now is while the father is rejoicing, the other son is ticked off because he's 5:48 like, "Hang on, I've been here the whole time. What about me?" Right? What I 5:53 think is interesting in that part is that first of all, in this moment, the 5:57 father also runs the risk of now losing another son. but not losing another son 6:03 to moving away and taking his inheritance, but losing that son to 6:08 anger and bitterness that you know really causes a problem for all of us. 6:13 And so this father has to think, I've got to welcome in this son, but I really 6:17 want to make sure that this other son that's been so wonderful and faithful
Why the Book Was Written Now 6:21 understands what the father's love looks like. And um that's the story of the 6:26 prodal. It's absolutely one of the most beautiful stories and it affects every 6:31 single one of us whether we have a true prodal child or family member or if we 6:37 just look in the mirror and realize we are that prodal. 6:41 >> And I think uh people will pick this book up maybe because they have 6:45 something like this in their life happening. But I really think in some 6:49 way all of us have been a prodal whether you know we were running from Christ 6:53 himself or from a human person or whatever that looked like. And so it 6:58 hits home for a lot of people and we talked about this on the quarterbacking 7:02 cancer podcast that you know when you have a disease you can feel like a 7:07 prodal. And so it's it's such a relevant book no matter where you are in your 7:13 journey. And it's something that as I'm reading through it, it's something that 7:17 I would tell people like just read it. You never know when this will happen. 7:22 And it's such a good tool to walk through. Like you said, you first have 7:26 to learn to clean up your own porch. So, you know, this book, The Father's Porch, 7:33 why did you I know I know your personal journey, these things have been going on 7:37 for a while, and the concept of this probably became real to you a while ago, 7:43 but why did you write it now? Um well, I mean, we had a a huge change 7:48 last year in our family dynamic and so it was very sad to me and um I spent a 7:54 few days in bed and you know really feeling like you know our generation 7:59 says you know nobody likes me, everybody hates me. I'm going to eat some worms. 8:03 And so I felt that way for a while and then I decided I can't live my life like 8:07 this. I have to get up and find the joy in my life because I have so much joy in 8:12 my life. And um but then the the biggest aspect of this is like first of all what 8:18 you said of all of us can be prodicals when I spoke to the Lord about it. I 8:23 always felt convicted of him saying but you are that too like you're denying me. 8:29 You are not listening to what my word says. And so I dug into that. And then 8:34 the next part of it is okay Lord help me to find the joy. And then the the really 8:39 the epitome of this was for me and why I ended up writing this was because I 8:45 started journaling it. But as I just to help my own you know self um and what I 8:51 realized in that moment was this is a spiritual battle. We we hear so many 8:58 things all over the internet about estrangement, about this therapy, that 9:04 therapy, this program, that program. Everybody needs to buy somebody or 9:08 something. And everybody has a truth. I always say everybody has a truth. Truth. 9:12 Your truth. My truth. Everybody has a truth. Truth. But there's only one 9:15 truth. And the one truth that I keep coming back to is that we don't battle 9:19 in flesh and blood. We battle in the spiritual realm. So this is not a battle 9:25 with my child. This is not a battle for anybody else with their child or th that 9:32 person that they love. It's a spiritual battle. It's a spiritual battle that the 9:37 enemy wants our heart. When he can't have our heart, he's going to try to 9:40 steal our testimony. He's going to try to steal our joy. And he's going to try 9:44 to steal our family. And so if we can work through those seasons of grief and 9:51 pain and cleaning up our own porch and the anger and like you said the 9:56 rebellion and um and how it comes all back again. We understand that we're not 10:02 battling a person, but we come into this place of interceding for them, but 10:08 waring in the spiritual realm for them and let the Lord take care of it and 10:14 trusting him. And ultimately, isn't that exactly what happened in the prodical 10:19 story of he's like, "Okay, well, I'm at my wit's end. I'm eating with the pigs, 10:24 so I might as well go back to the father's house and figure out what the 10:28 father wants me to do." And so that's where it brought me coming back to the 10:32 father's house. I come back to the porch and he's like, "Glad you finally made 10:37 it, Chariot. Now let why don't you sit down and let me help you work through 10:40 all these things." So I'm a person of if I it helps me. I want it to help 10:45 somebody else. And that's where it came from. And it really helped me to heal 10:50 and I hope that it helps somebody else. >> Yeah. Well, let's talk about a few case 10:56 scenarios. And I want to talk about parents of aranged children. Let's just 11:00 start with that. >> And that can mean anything. It doesn't 11:04 necessarily mean uh just leaving the house. It can be leaving the faith. It 11:09 can be a rebellion within that child. So to you and reading the book, what does 11:15 it mean to love without chasing? >> Oh gosh. Le really learning how to 11:23 That's a really hard question. It's a wonderful question. And recently I heard 11:27 someone um criticize when Christians say love like Christ because then the
Loving Without Chasing and Surrendering Control 11:35 criticism is oh so you can't love me just for who I am. You have to have this 11:39 supernatural love. Right. A God. >> I [clears throat] do I do have to have a 11:44 supernatural love because if I love you just like I love you, I'm going to take 11:49 all of my junk that I love incorrectly or I don't love completely or I think 11:57 you need to say something or do something and then that makes it me not 12:03 be able to love you completely. But the love of the father is merciful and 12:08 graceful. And yes, because we love him, when we come to know him, there are 12:14 requirements of us, but the requirements are not what get us to heaven. It's his 12:18 grace and his mercy. So, learning to love like that and to learn to forgive, 12:24 man, that's a that's a very hard one. What does it mean for me? It means for 12:28 me getting my own self out of the way and uh realizing that some things that 12:34 I've said and the things some things that I've done need to be not only 12:39 forgiven from maybe my family member but also from the Lord you know and walking 12:46 in that forgiveness of myself even if the family member does not forgive me 12:51 >> right >> and that's a hard thing 12:54 >> right and not walking in shame or guilt And you know the not chasing part I 12:59 think we have a desperation as parents when we see our child doing something 13:05 right and we know that we know that we know because we've lived 20 30 in my 13:10 case 35 years more than that child and I just want to grab them and be like don't 13:16 do that like but it's in their resistance at the time they're not 13:22 receptive to that and so I had a friend of mine And um we were talking yesterday 13:29 and it was a situation that happened in my personal life and I was like I just 13:34 can't do it anymore. And she said you sometimes feel like that's failure. 13:40 She's like but that's really surrender. And she said what you're saying is God I 13:47 can't do it but you can. And you lay it down finally and you step 13:52 away. and she said, "And it's messy and it looks really messy, but you have to 13:59 because if you don't get out of the way, God can't step in." And I was like, I 14:06 always looked at the fact that I can't do something as failure. And I never 14:11 looked at it God finally saying, "I know you can't, but I can. So come here, my 14:17 daughter. Sit up on my lap and let me handle it." And I hope parents can 14:23 receive that, you know, because when a child does walk away or do something 14:28 like you're sitting there like, >> I don't know if I can do this and God's 14:32 like, you can't. >> I can. Right. 14:35 >> Right. You know that that's so true. Um, a friend of mine where and I were 14:39 talking about that this year and I think one of the biggest lessons for me is 14:42 that scripture be still and know that I am God. That the be still means to stop 14:46 striving. you know, it doesn't mean to just obliviously like not do anything. 14:51 And for th for the two of us, like we are, you know, we're high achievers. 14:55 Like we go go, right? And so to say to us, stop striving. You look at somebody 15:01 and say, "What? Wait, you don't want me to work?" No, I didn't say I didn't want 15:06 you to work. I want you to stop striving to get to someplace that God's trying to 15:10 take you to because he's going to take you. And and that's so important as a 15:15 parent. I mean, my children are in their 30s. I'm a grandchild. And now I get to 15:20 look at my grandkids and you know, my two-year-old grandson who says every 15:25 single day, I did it. I did it. You know, and so we call him the great 15:29 conqueror because he does everything every single day. And that's a wonderful 15:34 kind of thing. But even in that, as a mother of a 2-year-old, you have to stop 15:39 striving. Sometimes, like right now, when he's in this wagon, instead of 15:44 sitting in the wagon, he stands up on the edge of the wagon and holds on. And 15:48 you know, my daughter has put him down over and over and over. And I looked at 15:53 her one day and I was like, "Aren't you nervous?" And he she's like, "He's going 15:56 to find out." I mean, I've tried to put him down over and over and over, you 16:01 know, but he's just going to have to learn. That's stopping that's that's 16:05 making sure that you put safety around them in certain places so that you know 16:10 his head doesn't hit the concrete. But if his butt hits the wagon, 16:16 he'll learn that either he needs to hold on a little tighter, maybe he needs to 16:19 step down. That's the stop striving so that God can work it out for us. And as 16:25 parents, oh my gosh, that's so difficult. And you're right. When we do 16:30 stop that, it doesn't mean that we're failing. It means that we're actually 16:35 moving forward to where God wants us to be. 16:38 >> Mhm. Yep. Absolutely. And it was very freeing actually. I was like, "Oh, I can 16:43 just say I can't and God will be like, okay, like that's 16:47 >> I got you." >> Yeah. 16:49 >> Finally, Tracy, >> I know, right? So, yeah, I work on 16:53 myself. Um, so for parents that are listening that may be going through 16:58 something like this where they had these expectations for their children and 17:03 didn't come to fruition. Maybe I mean parents are dealing with so much today 17:08 that I don't feel that my parents' generation had to deal with. Socio 17:13 sociological pressure. Um, and then we have trans movement. We have, you know, 17:19 things like homosexuality. And I'm not judging anyone's walk in this life. I'm 17:24 mentioning things that are hard on parents. Maybe uh they wanted their 17:29 child to go to college and they chose not to. Maybe they got married young and 17:32 the parent wanted them to wait. Maybe there was an unexpected pregnancy 17:36 outside of wedlock and it was a big disappointment. There's so many things. 17:40 How do you wait and pray and trust in the Lord without becoming bitter and 17:46 resentful and and even hopeless in some of these cases? 17:50 Well, I always I've always always always said to my kids that while you're 17:54 breathing, there's always hope. >> So, you know, that's you have to keep 17:58 breathing. That's the main thing. Even if it seems like it's the darkest of 18:02 days, keep breathing because the Lord's still working and doing something in 18:05 your life. The anger and the bitterness part is such a hard thing. Um anger and 18:11 that bitterness, when we hold on to that, it's usually because of 18:15 unforgiveness. And so um people don't like to forgive
Waiting Without Bitterness or Shame 18:20 because they think that it makes the situation okay or gives permission to 18:24 what has been wrong to you. But forgiveness or unforgiveness is two 18:29 things. Unforgiveness is like giving the person poison and hoping it you know or 18:34 you taking the poison and hoping it kills the other guy and then and that's 18:38 never going to work. You're the one that's always going to be the one that 18:41 is ends up being horribly sick. And the other thing is giving up hope for a 18:45 better past. And that's a hard concept. Um, I had a good childhood and a not so 18:51 good childhood. You know, I had two parents that were polar opposites. 18:56 My mother was my absolute best friend. And my dad was a very, very, very 19:01 difficult person. 25 years later after he's passed away, I can also tell you 19:06 that I'm the person that I am. And you see him shining in me more than you 19:10 probably see my mother. Although I also say the practitioner side of me is my 19:15 dad. But me sitting here, you know, on a podcast talking about these things or 19:19 sitting on a porch and crying with someone is absolutely my mother. But the 19:23 reason that I could say that and I can say, "Oh, he had some really good 19:27 parts." Is because I gave up hope that I would have had a different past. I can't 19:32 change my past, right? But it shaped me for who I am. And I allowed the Lord to 19:39 change some of the bad parts and help me to to move into that part. And so that 19:45 helps guard against the unforgiveness, the anger, the bitterness of things that 19:50 I absolutely could be bitter about. And yet, what's it going to do if I hold on 19:56 to it? It's really only going to destroy me. 20:00 >> Yeah. And I think that's hard because, you know, the father is patient and as 20:04 we see in the parable, the father waits and he doesn't force anything. And so, 20:11 you know, why is that concept so hard for us to accept? You know, there's I 20:17 think it's because there's a lot of shame and fear that comes along these 20:23 unexpected turns in your kids' lives or something that happened in your life and 20:29 it distorts our view of God's posture towards us. 20:33 >> So, um >> I wanna I want to press into that. We 20:38 talked about this, you know, on the other on the other podcast. I talk about 20:41 shame so much because the number one thing um that parents do is shame 20:47 themselves. When their kids do something and and the world does that does it to 20:51 them. You see a 2-year-old acting out, it's the parents fault instead of the 20:57 fact that they're just two and their brain is all wonky and they're two, like 21:01 they've only been on this world for two years, you know? Um, but then you 21:04 >> I know people have been on this world for like 80 years and they still don't 21:07 act right. >> Right. Right. Exactly. Right. So, Right. 21:11 That's exactly right. I mean, I saw a person that was about that age yesterday 21:15 and I was like, I didn't think, oh, that's his mother's fault, 21:18 >> you know. [laughter] I totally gave it to him as his responsibility. Like, you 21:22 should know better, you know. But when our kids are young, our teenagers, young 21:27 adults, you know, coming into this um thing, um we still blame the parents so 21:34 often for, oh well, they must have done something wrong. And we do that in 21:38 church circles and in not church circles, right? is that they should have 21:42 said something, done something, prayed more, you know, not had something in 21:47 their life, had something in their life. And then the parents, even if it's 21:51 unsaid, the parents say they do it to themselves. Um, we say, "What did I do 21:56 wrong?" And I said this before is that shame and conviction are two completely 22:04 different things. Um, and shame and guilt often come together. We have that 22:09 emotion of guilt that the Lord has given us so that we're convicted to draw 22:13 closer to him. But shame does not draw us closer to the Lord. Shame takes us 22:18 away. Go back to the Garden of Eden. When Adam and Eve hid, God was walking 22:23 in the garden and said, "Where are you?" Even though he knew where they were and 22:26 they said, "We were naked and we were ashamed." He did not shame them. They 22:30 shamed themselves and they hid. But the Lord in his grace and his mercy and his 22:36 great love for them provided a blood sacrifice and then clothed them and drew 22:42 him tr drew them closer to him. That is the ultimate love story of all kinds. It 22:50 was not I told you so. You didn't do what I told you to do. Why did you do 22:55 this? all of the things that we do to oursel or that we do to others when they 23:00 do something that they might not should have done, right? Instead, he provided 23:06 and he drew them closer. So, every time when you're seeing a situation and you 23:11 see, is there chaos and confusion? Well, that's not of God. So, it has to be of 23:17 the enemy. And is it drawing you closer to him or is it drawing you away? If 23:22 it's drawing you away or you want to hide from everybody, you can guarantee 23:26 that it's shame and it's the enemy that is trying to take you farther away. And 23:31 I think you asked me in the beginning what started all this. That's where I 23:34 realized I was like, I'm hiding in bed. I don't want to talk to my friends. I 23:39 don't want to talk to my family members. This is exactly what the enemy wants me 23:43 to do. He wants to shut me up. And you know, that's not an easy thing for 23:48 nobody on earth has been able to do that yet. 23:51 It's never happened. Nobody's that powerful except Jesus. 23:55 >> That's exactly right. So, I realized, oh, this is shame. No, I'm not going to 24:00 be I'm not going to walk in shape, you know. Um, and the other thing, too, is 24:04 that, you know, that's that's abuse of of the enemy that he's abusing us and we 24:11 are allowing it. And I'm not just a survivor of abuse. I'm an overcomer. A 24:16 survivor is still laying on the floor after they got the crap beat out of 24:19 them, but an overcomer gets up and says, "Nope, I'm not done." Right? And so, I 24:24 want to be an overcomer of um of of life in general, not not just what 24:32 circumstances happen in life, you know, just of all of that. The the problem 24:39 with all of this in our culture right now, too, is exactly what you said is 24:42 that you and I are from a different generation. My parents were not boomers. 24:46 My gen My parents were of the silent generation. You know, they would be 24:50 close to their hundreds. So, they grew up in the depression and the things that 24:55 they were around and the things that they did, they raised us based on what 25:00 they knew at that moment in that time. And so, I'm Gen Xer. You know, we, you 25:06 know, all the things that everybody says on the internet, we drank out of the 25:09 water fountain. We stayed out outside all day. And, you know, we were just, 25:13 you know, feral. Absolutely, Frell. You know, we just did whatever we did. You 25:18 You skinned your knee, you get up, you brush it off, put a little dirt in it, 25:22 and you'll be fine, right? Um >> what's that? 25:26 >> You said, "Rub some dirt on it." >> Rub some dirt on it, put some monkey 25:30 blood on it. You'll be fine [laughter] if you're lucky. But then we ended up 25:36 saying, "Oh, well, we don't want our kids to be raised completely that way." 25:40 And so we did some things different just like our parents did some different 25:44 things that their kids did. And so now we have this new generation. And oh my 25:49 gosh, Tracy, aren't you glad that the things that we did when we were 25:53 teenagers is not on TikTok. >> No video. There's no video. There's no 25:57 evidence of anything. >> And I am so glad. 26:01 >> Was an angel, man. No one can prove different. I [laughter] I saw something 26:05 today that said that they were really glad that their kid their parents didn't 26:08 have Ring doorbell. I'm like, "Oh man, that's so true. [laughter] I'm so glad 26:14 that my parents did have Ring doorbell." So, it's a whole different thing. But 26:18 everybody, you know, with everybody on the social media and the net all to 26:23 everybody, oh, you've been abused. Oh, you need to do this. Oh, you need to cut 26:28 them out of your life. Or you need to do this. But then what I also found is in 26:34 so many of these accounts, um, they always end up leading to some kind of 26:39 program or some type of, you know, therapy thing that you need to buy. And 26:44 yeah, I have a book and I would love for you to buy it, but the heart of it is I 26:48 want you to heal. You know, there is not one single thing, no class, no therapy, 26:55 nothing that is going to you're going to go through all of this and you're going 26:59 to pass it. you're gonna get and you're gonna have all the things to say exactly 27:04 at the time to say it and then everything's going to be normal with 27:09 your kid or your family member. It's not going to happen. 27:13 >> And sometimes the healing and the closure doesn't happen on this side of 27:18 heaven. And we have to that because >> even if our time passes without 27:24 resolution with whatever said person in your life, that doesn't mean that they
What God Taught Through the Waiting Season 27:28 won't come to their own resolve later or repentance or forgiveness or you know 27:34 just absolute conviction of the situation. And I think that teaches us 27:39 if we hear that to pray differently. You know, we can ask for people to come back 27:46 into our life or we can ask God like, "Can you just convict their heart, Lord, 27:50 to see you more than anything?" And wherever that leads, I'm okay. That's 27:56 really what the ask is. Because if God is in their hearts, if if they have 28:01 Christ in them, you I find it hard for people to to not want to be with people 28:09 that are also Christc centered and love them. You know what I mean? It's when 28:13 someone comes up against someone that's filled with the spirit of God and filled 28:17 with the love of Christ and they themselves are walking in shame and 28:22 guilt. It can look like a big ugly mirror in front of them and they're just 28:26 not quite ready and they run. They run away from the father because they're 28:30 afraid of what he really will reveal about themselves. And all they 28:37 understand is condemnation. And they don't understand that conviction is not 28:42 condemnation. Conviction releases you of shame. Because you know when you're 28:48 convicted of something truly by the Holy Spirit of God, you it it calls you to 28:53 run towards God because he's the only place that's left, 28:56 >> right? >> And you run in his arms. So really 29:00 important um you know that we understand the difference. So, I guess I'll ask you 29:06 during this whole season and even while you were waiting, 29:12 what did God teach you about his heart? >> Oh, wow. I I think that's probably the 29:19 sweetest thing. Um, you know, I've had I've had my own personal physical 29:25 challenges, especially in the last 16 months. And, um, so that's been an 29:30 additional challenge to it. And uh we watched this 29:34 >> it's because you work with me. [laughter] 29:38 >> We'll cut that part out. No, I'm just kidding. 29:41 >> We we watched this um we watched this program I guess last year and at the end 29:45 of the program, you know, it was like a one of those royalty programs like king 29:49 and queen like ancient times, you know, 15th century or something. And the the 29:54 mother falls dramatically on the floor and she says, "When will the darkness 29:59 ever end?" And I was really into the into the show, but I just started 30:04 balling at that moment of like when is the darkness ever going to end? You 30:08 know, that it just seems like it's this physical thing, it's this emotional 30:11 thing, it's this spiritual thing, it's this financial thing, it's business, 30:15 it's all of those things. And so it seemed like all of those things were an 30:19 accumulation of this darkness that just would could not be penetrated. And so in 30:25 that moment again because I know I've been a believer for such a long time, I 30:30 do know the Lord and I do know that light and darkness can't be there. And 30:34 so I had to let a little bit of light in. And so what happened in that is this 30:39 year I was very intentional about reading the Bible through. Um and I've 30:44 I've missed some chapters and you know some days and here and there, but I I 30:49 didn't shame myself about it. I just kept moving and kept going. But in the 30:53 midst of that, especially in the Old Testament, about story after story after 30:58 story about how what the character of God was, about who he really truly is. 31:05 Because I think that for me, that's when I begin to doubt when situations are 31:12 arising is who is God in this situation? In this situation, he's just, in this 31:18 story, he's merciful. in this just just or in this in this story he's peaceful. 31:24 You know, in this um way he is going to bring redemption. Uh in this place, he's 31:30 going to bring restoration. And so knowing that he's all of those things 31:34 every single time and the healer and the provider and where he comes. But it's 31:39 his timing. And you know, for those of us that are not very patient, that's the 31:44 hardest part. And so, where do you go when you're not seemingly getting your 31:50 own way is just pressing into who he is, you know? And I think that's the thing 31:55 that the Lord has taught me this year is who's his character. And what it has 31:59 done in my own heart is made me just love him so much more. Not just Jesus, 32:05 but God the father, you know. Um, and in the midst of that, he healed things with 32:12 about my relationship with my own dad, my own earthly dad that I didn't even 32:16 know still needed to be healed. And how incredible is that? That he 32:22 doesn't waste anything. Oh, so Sherian, you're wanting me to heal this 32:26 situation, but oh, by the way, I'm going to, you know, sweep off your porch over 32:31 here in this corner, you know, and I'm going to heal that, too. And so I think 32:35 that's really what it's been for me is just to see the character of God in so 32:40 many incredible ways and I've learned to trust him so much more. 32:44 >> Yeah. Amazing. So I'm sure parents are listening to this now and you know maybe 32:50 they don't have such a relationship yet with God. And I think your book I want 32:55 to talk a little bit about uh what the book does for people. uh can you just
How the Book and Workbook Are Structured 33:01 explain how it's set up along with the workbook and in your mind how a a person 33:08 could walk through this and maybe you know I think the hardest part about 33:13 surrendering an outcome is just trusting that no matter what it's going to be 33:18 okay according to God's will and that's so hard so can you walk us through how 33:23 you put them all together and the work >> so the first part of it is um really 33:28 talking about um the mothers in the Bible and of the men. And the reason 33:34 that I put that in there is because so often in the the stories that I've heard 33:39 of parents that and and mainly I, you know, talked to um I talked to moms 33:44 mostly, but I've talked to a few dads, but they um the one single thing that 33:50 they say is, "Well, this child has been different." You know, that something is 33:54 different about them. Um, in my my personal opinion of that is that usually 33:59 that child is a pretty strong willed child. And so in our generation, we were 34:05 taught to break that will. And thankfully, I had a mother that told me 34:08 never to break that will, but to mold it. And so I started looking at that. I 34:13 was, well, well, what are the mothers in the Bible? We don't really see a lot of 34:16 them, but what do they see in their children? And so we I started talking 34:21 about the disciples and their their personalities and maybe what their 34:25 mothers might have thought of them or what they might have gone through in 34:29 that aspect of it. And then we start with the porch, the winter porch. And 34:33 that's the hardest one. Um because that's where grief is and where we pick 34:37 up that blanket of grief. And at first when we pick it up, it just seems, you 34:42 know, so heavy and we so we go through that aspect of it. And then before we go 34:47 on to the next porch, we really go onto that um that self-reflection of cleaning 34:54 up your own porch because you really can't go into the next seasons until you 35:01 repair what needs to be broken within you, which you have the power to to do. 35:05 You can't um you can't repair something in someone else or even with someone 35:10 else until you repair what is there for you. Um, so that's kind of going into 35:15 the spring cleaning aspect of things, you know, getting that kind of thing 35:19 moving and going and freshening up. And then you come into um the the summer the 35:26 summer porch. Uh your summer is a whole lot different than my summer is, but 35:30 that's how it is in everybody's uh porch. But um this is where we wait and 35:36 where we really start looking at where how love grows and how it grows within 35:41 you and what you can do. There's different stories um from scripture that 35:46 I weave in and out of each of those um those seasons uh thankfulness and um and 35:53 waiting. Uh, one of the stories is the story of Rahab when she had the faith in 35:59 God that she'd never even seen before or known about and yet she um, you know, 36:05 she was very useful in doing all the things that she did to save a people. 36:10 And um, and she did it sight and scene. And so that story is is in there. And 36:16 then we start really talking about the father and how he runs to us. And 36:21 finally, we go into the fall and um we have to have a sad chapter in there. And 36:28 that chapter is what if they never come home because sadly, you know, I've 36:32 talked to a few people that um their children have taken their own life or 36:36 someone in their life has taken their own life and and I have some people in 36:39 my life that have done that and that's a hard hard thing. Um and to understand 36:46 the emotions that go through that that even if that happens, it's not your 36:49 fault. Um, even if you're never able, it doesn't it doesn't 36:55 release your own responsibility for the things that you have said or done, but 37:00 it does not cause them to do that situation or or make that choice because 37:06 we have free will, right? We all have free will. Um, and so um it goes through 37:11 that and then then there's just for me personally, there was letters uh to the 37:16 on the porch. So letters to my prodal um or to a prodal, letters to the one who 37:22 stayed and and letters to myself, you know, of like remember this, you know, 37:26 you're going to you're going to move forward and you're going to get through 37:29 this. I never planned on doing a workbook. Uh but my very dear friend 37:35 said, "So when's the workbook coming out?" [laughter] 37:39 So I was like, "Okay, I think I can do this." And I did teach a study at our 37:43 church um last spring. and um shared some of the stuff uh with that group of 37:49 ladies and um they wanted a workbook too. So I put it together and I didn't 37:55 want to make another like leaders manual so I put that free on the website so 37:59 that anybody that wants to use it they can use that leader guide or do it how 38:03 you feel led to do it. Um and that's you know that's kind of how it how it comes 38:09 comes together. So, >> it's super comprehensive and I love the 38:13 scriptures and the reflection points in the workbook. 38:17 >> So, it's very interactive, very well thought through. Excellent. So, I'll ask 38:22 you one last question. When you wrote [clears throat] the book, 38:27 >> who did you picture holding it? >> Oh gosh, that's a good question. 38:33 Um, 38:40 I would say probably first parents uh and parents of adult children. That 38:46 was probably who I thought of first. But as I continued to write it, um, I have 38:53 personally given it to children or parents of younger children because 38:58 not as a oh no, this is going to happen, you know, but a but realizing that your 39:04 parenting doesn't belong doesn't doesn't require everything that you're doing but 39:10 what he's doing and so so to try to give them some encouragement. So I would say 39:16 mainly parents I see them doing it but through the eyes of other people that 39:20 have read it and like what things that you've done or you've said to me about 39:24 it I I I think it would be helpful for anybody you know um often when we write
Who the Book Is For and Final Encouragement 39:30 something or when we do something we write it from our own perspective. Um 39:36 but um I have a very dear friend that has already walked through major major 39:42 drug addiction with her child and her child has is an overcomer of it and is 39:47 doing amazing and wonderful and you know that season of life for that child is 39:52 completely over and she picked it up and she said it has helped to heal so much 39:57 of her of the emotions and feelings that she still had that were left over even 40:02 though her kid is already back. >> Wow. 40:07 >> So, I would I'm grateful. I'm so grateful. That's that's really what I 40:11 want it. I want it to be a blessing to other people. Whoever needs the 40:15 blessing. >> Very much is. And you know, this book is 40:20 for anyone who feels absolutely have any ever felt lost, anyone that's ever been 40:26 waiting or wandering. You know, it's written from a mother's heart, but it's 40:31 about the father's heart. So, it's it's a very read. So, if someone's listening 40:36 right now to this podcast who might feel lost or is waiting for someone they 40:40 love, like what do you want them to know about the father? 40:45 >> He loves you. >> Awesome. So, would you mind praying for 40:51 parents who are waiting and the ones who feel too far to return? 40:55 >> Absolutely. Oh, Father, thank you so much for your 40:59 graciousness and your love and for never ever giving up on us. Father, I pray for 41:06 those that are listening right now, that their minds would be called, 41:14 that their eyes, their spiritual eyes would be open, their spiritual ears 41:18 would be open to what you have to say, Lord. Not what the world has to say, not 41:22 what their own thoughts are telling them or saying to them, but that you would 41:27 completely envelop every aspect of who they are and where they are right now. 41:32 Open their hearts to soften to the spirit of of you, Lord, and what you 41:38 want to do in them specifically before they work on any other relationship in 41:43 their life. I pray for their children or their family member or whoever it is. 41:49 And even if it's themsself, that they would picture themselves running back to 41:54 the father with you with their your arms completely open wide, receiving them, 42:00 that they don't have to do something or say something or be something different 42:04 before they come back, but that you love them. And Lord, help them to be the 42:09 parent that loves that way, too. Father, if there's been any any weapon 42:16 that has been formed against this these families or these people in any word or 42:22 indeed I ask that you send it back to hell where it belongs that it has no 42:26 power here that we keep our eyes focused on where you were and we thank you for 42:31 all these things. Thank you for tracing and for allowing me to be here today. 42:37 And may you use it and divide it in the words that have been spoken here today 42:43 in every possible way that you want it to be divided. Lord, use it for your 42:48 glory and our good. In your precious name, we pray. Amen. 42:54 Now, if you cry, I cry. That's how this works. So, all right, guys. Don't forget 42:59 to get your copy of The Father's Porch [music] and grab the workbook. It'll be 43:04 so worth your while. Sharen, thanks for your heart for writing this for 43:08 everybody. And [music] if you found this podcast helpful for you, please share it 43:12 with somebody and bless them with it. Also, [music] don't forget to subscribe 43:16 and follow us on all social media channels. Till next time, may God bless 43:21 your journey. >> Thank you.
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