The 8 Secrets of a Meaningful Life: Wisdom, Resilience & Spirituality

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In the inner voice, a heartfelt chat with Doctor Fusion. Every time I enter, I come to the problem and the name in January, we lost our home and the policies. We live in the policies. And so every time I remind myself of those sick, sick people, those. And so they're no longer, by the way, subservient to them or one because it was the most common. But the of those sick, the majority had overcome horrible live events and they had gone through it. They were angry. They were bitter. They were at peace with it in a way that applied, strengthen them.

And so I think when I said this to myself, when I was losing my home and through my physical problems, I'm my things will work out. And that's what they believed as well. Introducing a powerful new update from the fusion app. Now with flexible subscription plans to fit your journey monthly, quarterly or yearly. Our new AI driven onboarding customizes your path to feeling better, faster and enjoy a refreshed experience with stunning 3D interactive videos. Update now. Empower your inner voice with fusion.

Download today. Well, welcome to The Inner Voice, a heartfelt chat podcast. I'm your host, Doctor Fulton Zane. I'm a psychotherapist and author, and the founder of the Awareness Integration theory. So today I will be talking to Doctor Laura Gabbi again. She's a world renowned physician, researcher and a Psychology Today contributor. Through her Wisdom Research project, she interviewed 60 wise adults across North America and defined eight fundamental elements of wisdom. She describes her findings in her new book and journal, Common Wisdom Eight Scientific Elements of a meaningful life and The Common Wisdom Journal.

And you can capture what all that she does. She actually also has, an IQ wisdom IQ test for you. You can get that in LA, Laura Gabbi in Mount Carmel. We had a great conversation. We went through each one of those eight, components of wisdom and kind of elaborated on it and opened it. And I'm sure that you will enjoy it as much as I did.

Podcast Introduction and Guest Background 2:50

I'll be sure to subscribe to this podcast and my YouTube channel. Write to me and let me know what topics you'd like us to, to talk about. Connect with me through my website, fusion 7.com, and be sure to go, to the full. John, having 31 areas for you that you can look at doing, going through, diving, journaling, and really looking at different areas of your life and different relationships you have and in in the research has shown that people, even with one area have, been able to improve their life area about 70 to 75%.

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What are your copy on Amazon now? Hello everyone! I'm so excited to have Doctor Laura Gabbi in with me. Welcome to the show. Well, thank you for having me of course, you're a physician. And, tell me what your, interest is as a as a physician expertise. I did residency in emergency medicine. Okay. All right. And then the E.R. physician. And then you went. And you have, written the, the book about, the common wisdom and common wisdom. Well, after residency, I did, a little. I mean, you specialize in my specialty was research.

And so that's where I got my masters and I published a lot, and I did research, so in the sciences. And what did you research on before? I was looking at outcomes, the Alfred, the Mercy Department, like when you send people home. But I and Nadia physicians began to follow up. So I had access to the Kaiser Southern California data and then Medicare data. And but that was my research. But but now my book is about Khan wisdom. And that was also a research rate study looking at trying to find wisdom. Yes.

So common wisdom, eight scientific elements of the meaningful life. And also now you have released the Common Wisdom Journal. Yeah. So so so the reason I even wrote this book in life, you wondered why then who's so left brain so Western trained them? Neither published a lot in academic journals, and I've got myself more as a scientist. Well, a physician scientist, but the scientist and, I a lot of people like. Well, why did you choose something so abstract and woo woo. And so it's funny because I didn't mean to, but in 2013, I noticed that my body started to develop random symptoms.

And as you can tell, I still have slurred speech. So I have weak muscles. And I, I at the time was diagnosed by a physician because the pro western medicine, evident hardening condition and it turned out to be wrong, turned out that chronic Lyme disease and the one of the Lyme infections that I have is really hard to get rid of. So that's why I so I have even loved some. I think they kill it. Anyways, I think the whole process prompted that 13 to 2018 is what I sort of looking into with them. I was really upset about how, very focused on diagnoses physicians were and how they were not open to other ideas.

Then they didn't think outside the box. And so that's when I thought to myself, well, who does the why do? And that's when I was like, well, let me find let me look into wisdom. I realized we don't know anything, but with them, nothing in the book. Is that something we really don't know much, you know? And so then I was like, well, I read about in England

Why Wisdom Research Began 8:40

initially I was like, was it hard to do that? So the only thing they can identify was people, or was it somebody was or someone other than the human. And so so that's why I was like, okay, so let me as I interview six size 12, I did not know any of them, I didn't advertise. Do you know someone was and and of the people nominated somebody for the party that was, was and it was it took a while, but it was when I hired a research assistant and, and have like, Mark in person and we posted on social media on Reddit on there, so everywhere, just to see if I can get the 60 people.

And after I spoke with them, I defined with them as the eight elements. Beautiful. So one of them, and the first one you put a is resilience and is something that you've experienced yourself also through the process of, kind of living through the Lyme disease. So, the first one is resilience. Can you share a little bit about resilience? No, it's funny because I have every time I Nora, I come a better problem. And then, I mean, in January we lost our home and the houses. We lived in the houses. And so every time I remind myself of those sick people, those.

And so they're no longer, by the way, so observing so was number one because it was the most common. But of those six, the majority had to overcome horrible live events. And they had gone through it. They were angry. They were bitter. They were at peace with it in a way that applied strengthen them. And so I think when I said this to myself, when I was losing my home and and through my physical problems, my things will worked out and that's their belief as well. Right? So but there's also this, as I hear, the endurance of through the time and you're saying that as you're enduring whatever hardship that you're having at that moment, there is, a belief system about, I can handle this, I can contain it, I can tolerate it.

And this will pass. This shall pass. So now pass it to Ella. There is I mean, I was known as the Energizer Bunny. I was in the year, and, people don't know the difference, but there's special things. You really don't want to listen to anyone. And the surgeons were simple. They don't like to listen to your dogs. They're like, listen, anyone but everyone listening to me. And I got everything done. But then this happened. So of all people, you know, I had my body stopped, but I. But I changed course, so I was I'm grateful for that.

But throughout this, how difficult has been I've just reminded myself that this too shall pass and that I'm learning something. And I already had been gifts. I mean, gave me this book and gave me a ten years of life already had done wonders now regard as I get better. But it already had the second one you shared. In your research is kindness. Yeah. Then yeah, it's funny because I didn't grow up with it. It's not something I personally talked to by, but my husband is very kind, and I like. That's when the teachers, the kids all the time.

And so kindness is very important to him and family in that. And when I, So but when I spoke with the 60, I asked them all the same ten questions and, and never said, what do you think with them? I didn't say that. I said, no different elements of, you know, how are you? What do you think the most important element and when you when you interact with others and the larger people said kindness. And that's why I came out by the second element. And if you think about it, you want to be around someone who's client.

Yes. And I and not only that, you want to be around someone who's kind, which is very important, but I think that the experience when it's within us, when we create that kindness, when we intend from kindness, when we act from kindness, or there is a sweetness that we actually experience, there's this expansion that we experience, and there's a safety that comes with kindness whenever we're experiencing or when and we're, you know, in the face of kindness. What do you mean by safety? I think that when, when the intention, when we imagine that there's someone who is wanting to harm us, we lose safety, security.

But we think you're right. And I think that sense of calmness. Yes. But even, like, you know, we've we've sometimes have been hurt to by a friend or, you know, a maid or someone. But if we thought they're kind, we forgive them because we don't take it because we say, okay, it was a mistake.

Resilience and Enduring Hardship 14:20

It wasn't like they didn't intend to harm me. Right? Concept of kindness creates some sort of safety. And with that within us, when it comes from the other side, but also reciprocal. If I am kind to others and they feel safe beside me, then there's more of a connection that can happen. I think with kindness I agree, and I think with kindness what I, what was important was also being kind to yourself. And I think because I didn't grow up with it, that was never I was not mean to myself, but I definitely like being kind to myself, my own joy, my own happiness, my comfort came loss.

And I think, and I've talked to people, no, I don't care. I find myself, just kind of I'm like, well, no, I think you'd be more kind. You'd be more of a whole human. If you are kind to yourself, I think it's important because a lot of people take it for granted. Think that there's this thing, there's this and that. But I think it's important to be kind to yourself. Very much. I, you know, I created a psychological and educational model called awareness integration. And one phase is about how do you treat yourself.

And it's the same is like how do you treat yourself positively and how do you treat yourself negatively. And it's like the same thing you were sharing. I might find to myself or I might want it to do I punish myself or my scolding myself? Or is it, you know, if I make a mistake, you know I'll be compassionate to myself and kind of like, you know, it's okay. It's okay. I made a mistake. I can move on, and it just takes away a lot of, what I call unnecessary abuse that we do in our own head with ourself and holds us back versus, like you shared, if I have kindness to myself, it creates that concept of being contained emotionally and then moving on.

You can, you know, you're not going to be stuck in yourself too much. You're going to be active. You're going to be moving forward. When you start with kindness to yourself, okay. Now, the third one you shared is positivity. It's funny because I, I was hi someone. I think all the eight elements are related to be resilient. Yes positive. And I think they're related. So and then the fourth and spirituality. So that was also something that was really important to them. But I think is so personally I think it's kind of not only looking an obstacle and saying that I can do it this little.

I'll overcome this and they'll work out. It will make me stronger. And I think being looking at the bright side of everything, and it's hard to do, it's really hard to do. You know, we all have a natural negativity bias. No, you were and survived survival mode most of our lives, you know, count back hundreds of years. That's who. We had to make sure there wasn't a tiger or a lion going around. So we had to be negative, but we didn't have to be like that anymore. And so I think it's really important to be able to realize that, you know, being positive is something you choose.

It's contagious. It's an effort. It takes time, and it doesn't mean you're positive all the time means that you can't be negative. But let go of those feelings and be positive, right. It's not you're not getting stuck in negativity. Like you can't get too close up and you kind of like lift off and go into your positive side in order to make the actions and move on versus being stuck in, in some sort of a negativity and ruminate around it. So that allows you to move, you know, great actions and move from it.

Yeah, this the next one is spirituality. Spirituality is such a, you know, umbrella, type of a word around so many different experiences.

Kindness and Self-Compassion 18:40

So, you know, some people, you know, have the religiosity within spirituality. Some people will go all the way to very New age conversations, very vast, very, you know, personal experiences that might other people might not necessarily share. So it's a very vast umbrella. What is your, what does your research say and what are your personal experiences around this matter? Well, I really grow up learning both visual. The. I'm a scientist, and that was the hardest chapter to write. And I always learned that you can't measure it if you don't see it, if you find that it doesn't exist.

And spirituality. Yeah. You, you mentioned Miles home. I think it's what you're describing is how it's very personal, how everyone has a different experience within. And and there's certainly not religiosity. And, you know, you can be one or the other and not have the, you know, not be special. So it's definitely not being religious. And I think spirituality is acknowledging recognizing that there is something bigger than ourselves. Now, the name we understand is absolutely not. And, when I wrote the book, my editor, I wrote that chapter, and he, like, there, like, you need to rewrite the chapter at the end, and I did there was end up being the very last chapter I wrote, because that's hard time with it.

But I think but if you look back, the reason we are attracted to people, friends, call partners, whatever it is, is because spirituality, the reason the miracles happen the way there's so much that goes on in the world that we can't explain. And as a scientist, you know, probably explain such a small amount of it. And spirituality has a lot to do with any of it. So. So yes, I did learn that attributing it to a higher source is a cop out. But for those who are, there is something bigger than us. But you said that the spiritual you, you put the concept of people's attractiveness to each other, whether it's in a romantic or a friendship or a tonic.

And you, you put that under the concept of spirituality. Share more about that. What do you mean? Well, it's you know, I know people who have friends who you would never think of. Friends. Yeah. Then why are they? So if you put it down on paper, there's no reason why they are. But they just enjoy each other's company. They are attracted to each other. So, you know, you can't explain it. So whenever I could like the simple things, you know, hence, when I find wisdom, I had to simplify it. I was not okay with this abstract.

I know when I see it's happening. And so with spirituality, it's kind of like when you can't explain it, when it doesn't make logical sense, you know, there's something else to play and know that you are attracted for a different reason. There's something else going on. We don't know what there is. So the curiosity I'm being open to something beyond just the human brain at that moment, making conscious choices where we're calling that type of a real city, that is something beyond what we understand.

We're going to put that under the umbrella of spirituality. But the beauty of it is the curiosity of it, the honors of it, the allowance for going from a rigid boundaries to this openness of being willing to see what shows up. No, it's fine. You needs a great deal. And I think especially in Korea, they kind of, connected in that regard. And curiosity was my find. The one. Oh, man. And and the weird way even though was the last one. So creative and curiosity real quick does someone say that they're creative or.

It's important, say the word and generosity as well. Quite the same as it was, for example, humility. They didn't have said they just had to act or that, and then we gave it to them. And so but I think going back to the I feel like it's the foundation of all that. I feel like to be able to transfer others to, to live a life of meaning, a wisdom of good decision making.

Positivity and Spirituality 23:30

You need to have curiosity there. Yes, yes. And then you also have a spirituality. You have humility. And that's what you said. Like humility is not something you share. But it's something that you experience and others, pick it up. And I think humility is, you know, with the age of the internet, with the age of social media, we lacked humility. We were promoted to be upset of that. Show off as much as you can. And your position, position. We come from a culture that lacks that. You. And so I think humility is underrated and people don't understand that.

They're like, why with the bird with them? I think that just shows that your conflict with yourself shows that you're secure. And who you are, and you have to do all those things. So I think people who lack humility do horrible things and they they feel like they're better than that. There's they don't connect well with others. You really allow to connect with others and for others to connect to you. Yeah. Oh of course. Yes. Because I think that they, you know, more at around age, 1012, you know, we every human being goes through this concept of, touching, touching base with, the superiority, you know, because they want I'm better.

And that's where most of the time the bullying starts in school. Because I got to prove to you, you know, my superiority. And I think that as we. And if we go through, appropriate developmental stages and healthy developmental stages, then we pass through that stage and we find our humility and, you know, find that, yes, it's you don't have to spend. And there's always somebody better than you. There's always somebody smarter than you, and there's always somebody less smart or you know, less of, you know, capable than you.

And you were always going to be somewhere in the middle of the spectrum, whether you like it or not. So this concept of, you know, a hitting reality that, yes, I'm, I'm, I'm in in the spectrum all the time and I even in my own life, I could be better at one age, at something which I'm no longer better than at another age. Right? Like we can be very agile and vibrant in our youth, and as we grow older, we might have be better at something, but not necessarily, the agility. So when we really see ourselves and others within the spectrum moving forward, then you can really take on, the concept of humility and, and then to that agree tolerance, which is, you know, we talked about the resiliency at the beginning.

And part of it is tolerance. But these are so different. What showed up with tolerance as one of the key wisdom factors? I think when people describe themselves as being very open minded, open to not judging. And I think it's easier said than done. But the minute you judge, the minute you see how this person is this because of this, then you're judging. I think being tolerant is being open to all forms of ideas. I think it goes beyond death. Well, where you see, you know, race, religion, ethnicity, all those things.

It's more of like ideas and where you come from, what you believe in. It's all of those. So there's a factor about tolerance, about, first comes from having the judgment and then as if I'm tolerating somebody like I'm fixed in what I believe, and then I'm tolerating someone with another belief or another way of being, you know, whether it's, a physical concept or a mental concept or an ideology or whatever it is. But it seems like when we're saying tolerance is also accepting that everybody's bias, and as long as they understand they own biases, then they can also open their perspective in, accepting others.

But I was well, does that make sense? We are bias. We are human. I mean, we you can look at the news, you know, the newsroom bias. And I think we're human and we're all robots. So we're biased because we have the emotional bone. But but I think the idea is horses not putting up with it that's anymore. That's not what they meant. The men from the get go bring. Okay. I'm going to put my biases aside and not judge. So is it is different in that, you know, being open being open to thoughts different being different, being open differences.

I remember I was talking to, one of the, judges, she was one of the first, I think, prison judges in Los Angeles area, in the California area. And, they were talking about, also, sexual orientation. And I remember the conversation showed up around tolerance, and I heard this from her, and it was beautiful. She said, I hope that we get to a place that we don't have to tolerate each other, but we we get to a place that it is actually no longer, an issue and relevance.

Humility, Tolerance, and Acceptance 29:20

Like, we we accept each other's differences, we accept each other's similarities, and we accept each other's differences with what they are and exactly as they are. And we can kind of like, be together from that place. And that really resonated with me of of how to, you know, the, the how the wisdom get gets us there because we're talking about the wisdom that we become with the humility, with the spirituality, with all of the other elements that you share. But with the curiosity to come to a place so that we, you know, we accept each other's differences and know that all of these differences are great to be because they're just part of all the, you know, different parts of ours that are just around us.

And we get to see the, you know, the, the collage of all the different matters that are on earth, regardless of, you know, the beauty of the colors of true. And now then there was creativity. And then you could, close with curiosity. You shared about creativity, and you said that it had to be stated. And do you mean, for example, that it's visible? So if someone is being creative inside, it doesn't show up, but if it comes in an art, if it comes in music, if it comes in something, an action that is showing up, then the creativity shows up.

Well, it's funny because a lot of people, so, are creative. Oh, I'm not this. I'm like, well, I tell everyone, think of yourself as a kid, right? Kids? We had these imaginations. We looked at the bed sheet, we made it into some poor. And we we had all these random. And then we asked questions. Why, why why why? Right. So we are creative and New Zealand. Actually, I think with creativity, you know, everyone needs to know that we have this the matter of what we want to pursue more versus less. So we are but then bananas an just like the way a person looks, dresses, what they eat, what they do, that's all creative, that's all different.

And I think that's their signature. So I think what creative and curious is more of, know we all have it and you can harbor you can it. And then make it bigger. If you want to make it smaller. Absolutely everyone. Common wisdom journal by Doctor Laura Gavin. The common wisdom and the book. Yes. The journal. It helps you. And so I when you get the book, there are excerpts as to what you can and the as to questions said, think about it. And a lot of people said, oh, we really like those questions.

And that's why I did the journal, is that I summarize each chapter for, a page. And then I wrote moral questions. And, and that is just there to help people come up with more to think about what the wisdom is. The book, I feel like and the reason is called communism is because, you know, one of the eight common elements, hence communism. And so, I feel like you can buy one or the other. They don't have to be bought together. But yeah, they are having them help each other. Why do you think Journal.

Journaling, support to you to tap into your wisdom. I think journaling is an objective. Yea, it's kind of not only has you lay it out, you know, put it out there, you're also by journaling, you look at it yourself and you're like way one map testing over this ride. This kind of helps you,

Creativity, Curiosity, and the Wisdom Journal 33:30

you know, come up with thoughts yourself. So I think journaling is great. It's peaceful. It's good for you to spend the time for yourself. Beautiful. As our time is coming to close, that's not goodbye. And anything we haven't shared that you really want people to know? No, I, I would just say, just know that things work out and things happen for you and not to you. And it's really hard to think of it that way, but they really do. But then go ahead ten years from now, how things do happen for you and not to you.

So. So I have a website, Laura. Goodbye and.com and on there I have I thought I can buy a book and wherever you want. So it's again and then we recently just came up with took me a long run. Right. There's the wisdom IQ test and the wisdom IQ test. It was really, really because a new section of the people were pointing out which of these elements they were good at, and I think the wisdom IQ test can tell you you're good at this and you're not good at that. And it's really helpful. So before you even look at the book, I think it's good to take the wisdom IQ tests so they can go to Laura.

Goodbye Incom to and take it. Yes, go to the to the website, get the IQ test. I'm sorry. Get the wisdom IQ test and then choose between, either the book or the journal and the journal. Just know that has the space for you to write down. It has more questions, the book shares more with you, goes through each chapter more elaborately, and then it does have some questions for you to answer to find where you are in the wisdom and what part you need to, work on a little bit more so that you have the wisdom that, in the scientific method has shown that people who are known to themselves as wise and known to their community as wise have shared with us.

Yes, it was a joy to having me. Of course, it was a joy to have you. And, I'm glad that you are, a fellow Southern Californian version or is. And so it was a beautiful to meet you. It was. And for all of you who are out there, if you like what you heard, please share with others and let us know. Let us know. And if you have any questions for Doctor Laura, goodbye and please let me know and I'll be sure to send it to her for her to be able to respond back to you. And, don't forget to go to the Trojan app and go through the awareness integration journaling for yourself.

And, I will see you next week. You an amazing life for yourself and everyone around you. And until next week, are you a psychotherapist looking to enhance your practice? Keep Awareness Integration Therapy, developed by Doctor Zen, is a comprehensive guide to the principle and techniques of this powerful therapeutic approach. Join the growing community who have elevated their practice and expanded their skills by embracing awareness, integration, therapy and witnessing its life changing impact. Who are you? You can't be on Amazon now.