You’re Not Broken, Sex Is!

Introduction and event context 0:00

All right, everybody, you are in for a treat. We have a fun session. We have sexpert Susan Bratton with us today. Just wait. You're not going to want to go anywhere. You want to take notes for this one, too. So thanks so much, Susan, for taking the time to be with us. Oh, my gosh, Betsy, I. I said to you before we started that anything you ever want to do, I want to do with you. I love to collaborate with you. I adore you. So we've been in a mastermind together for many, many years. We've I've done your television show.

I've done so many things with you. I just really feel like we're such kindred spirits. I think so highly of you. And so I was very happy to do this DrTalks event with you because I like the DrTalks. They do a good job. And I was glad to see that you were partnering with them. They really put out quality information and they're run by a nice group of people. So I've been doing I've done a lot of DrTalks over the years. And when I saw that you were a headliner on one, I was like, Oh God, yes, of course I'm a yes to this.

And and we have a lot to cover. I know I've got a lot of new material that I've been working on. And so I'm going to be sharing that with you today. You know, I love the the name of this one, because there's so many times when people people feel broken when things aren't going right, especially in the area of the bedroom. And so the fact that you're you know, we're calling this title, does this talk you're not broken, sex is. I think is just perfect. So I got that title from a girlfriend of mine who was a sexual she's another sexual biohacker.

Her name is Annalyn Forbes. She's Finland from Finland. And she told me that title one day and I thought, Oh God, that is so good, Ana. I got to steal that one once in a while and use that too, because I think people can really relate to it. So many people, not just women, but people feel like there's there's something wrong with them. What everybody wants sex, what I don't I or it's just not as good as I thought or I, I wrote one time and it was great and I could never get back to it or God, it's just not as good as it used to be or it's been terrible and I'd like it to be great.

What do I do? I mean, there's just so much of a disconnect between where we are. Often there's a disconnect between where we are and where we want to go. And so there's a combination of three things that I think make a very stable stool of having kind of sexuality that you want in your life. One of them is you have to understand techniques. You know, we we can make a baby, but without knowing much. But really being a good lover means learning some skills.

Why women feel broken about sex 3:08

We have to have communication. We have to be able to listen to our body, understand what she wants, and then be willing and can't, but enough to talk to our partner and ask for that. And that takes a lot when our culture is so steeped in shame and that we don't get a lot of education. And then the third leg of the stool is this sexual biohacking piece, this regenerative therapies and treatments, which you and I dig so much. So we'll get into that. I know because I'm constantly finessing my stack, my little group of things that I do that are all synergistic to keep my vulva, my vagina, all of my parts, all of my genital system in really good working order because I turn 62 tomorrow. Oh, Happy Birthday! I'm having thank you and I'm having the best sex of my life.

I'm exploring new areas of pleasure. My genitals are in fantastic shape. My orgasms are so strong, I've literally never had a better sex life than I do right now at 62. And that's come from paying attention to these three pieces the communication, the confidence, the skills and technologies and techniques, and then keeping my genitals from atrophying as I age, you know, pushing Mr. Time away. Now this is me and I know I can talk to you about this for hours. So let's let's start off, too, because this is something that you you brought up.

And I was like, what is this like? What is the difference between matriarchal and patriarchal sex? And it's funny, like, this is being recorded. It's coming out in December. I just saw the Barbie movie this weekend when this is being recorded and it was all like Ken was like had just discovered patriarchy and he was like, the Ken doll was like, yes, no. I haven't seen it yet, but I'm looking forward to. Yeah, yeah. Let's talk about matriarchal matriarchal versus patriarchal. So patriarchal is the father. Matriarchal is the mother.

And we I like to posit that one of the reasons that women think that they're broken is that a lot of women think, oh, it takes me too long to warm up. I'm never really turned on, you know, I like sex once I have it, but I never want to initiate. And they think that there's something wrong with that. Like they're supposed to initiate that they're supposed to always be horny, that you know, that they're that's how men are and men are that way. Men have some what I would call competitive advantages sexually in the way that we interact in that.

Number one, they get a bath of testosterone every morning. They have if they're healthy, they have nighttime nocturnal erections. They wake up with morning wood. They are driven to masturbate frequently, as often as every day because they're biologically wired to keep their sperm topped up and fresh in case they can pass on their DNA. And so and the other thing is that because they start out more near than we do on a general level playing field, they also get aroused more quickly. So when they think of sexy thought or they see a boob, as I like to say, you know, one boob and they're ready to go.

Don't you take too you know, they get a very quick erection. They have fast acting, hemodynamic, hemodynamics or blood flow, and they've got these straight chambers in their penis that just fill up and they're erect. And so that's it's part of it. But the other part of it is that when I say the word sex, most people think intercourse. They say penetration of penis and vagina. And that's because in the past, we were taught through our religious, you know, religions that sex was for procreation only.

So the only thing that was sex was intercourse, because that's the only thing that could make another another person. And the problem with that is that for the female body, we're estrogen dominant. We don't have as much testosterone. And though we have as much erectile tissue as our male body partners, if you think about a penis and you think about it as a banana, 50% approximately everybody's different. But about half of what you see is sticking out and there's 50% more penile tissue buried shaft and erectile tissue in the male body that goes down toward his testicles.

So you've double what you see in all pretty much all of that is erectile tissue. If I took that same bananas worth of fruit and I wrapped it around your vagina and brought it to a point at the top where the clitoral structure is your vagina is completely surrounded by a bananas worth of erectile tissue, but it has all those nooks and crannies. And so it takes much longer to fill with blood. And so what happens is when we have this kind of focus on intercourse and we have fast acting hemodynamics of the penis owner, and we're with a male partner and he's ready to go.

We get rushed to intercourse. I would like to say that the matrix historical view of sex and honestly our male partners are serve food by this too. This is not taking away anything. This is actually improving their sex life and increasing their pleasure to it's to get out of that old paradigm and to think about sex as stroking each other's hair, stroking each other's bodies, telling each other you love each other. What do you adore about each other? What do you find irresistible compliments, adoration

Matriarchal vs patriarchal sex 9:08

being held, our skin being touched, our feet being rubbed, our back being robbed our cheeks being kissed our far heads, our eyebrows, our eyelashes, our necks, our chests, our breasts being pleasured our bellies being touched our buns being touched our legs being stroked. Our outer vulva being pleasured not just being penetrated way before we are ready. Our arousal ladder. The steps that it takes for our body to get relaxed and then turned on. Take 20 minutes at a minimum. And our partners, it takes 2 minutes at a minimum.

And so we've pretty much spent most of our lives having this patriarchal style of, quote unquote, sex, which is intercourse oriented. You know, we even call it foreplay and intercourse. I'd like to strike the word foreplay from our vocabulary and call it something else where we are much more inclusive about, well, all this pleasure is because we really need it. And when our guys slow down and they connect their hearts with us and they're present with us and their sense, you're with us and we're in a lovely space and we feel adored and treasured and connected and pleasured.

And we are allowed the time for our bodies to get really turned off on and really into lovemaking. It can be so incredibly satisfying for us. You know, I have a program called Revive Her Drive that I wrote many years ago for Men in Relationship whose wives or girlfriends didn't want them for sex anymore. And I called it Reviver Drive because that's what men think they need to do. They need to fix her because that's the male orientation. And I it was a very clever name because it's really what he thinks.

He thinks she's broke and she's not because really when they buy the program, they email me and they say, I thought I was fixing her and you fixed me. I was rushing her. I was grumpy. I was mad that she never initiated. I didn't realize. It's just my job. Like taking out the trash and killing the bugs I'm supposed to initiate because I'm always horny and ready to go, and I've got to help her get turned on. And when you taught me how to escalate her pleasure and how to make her offer small, I'm not.

Do you want to have sex? That's too big an offer. But would you like to lie down? And I'll give you a foot rub with a glass of chardonnay, and you can tell me about your day, and I'll tell you how much I love you. I mean. Sign me up for that one down. Exactly. Every night at five, please. So they always come back to me. They're like, wow, that was clever. Susan Bratton, revive her drive, huh? Oh, it was big. And I always say to guys, if she's avoiding you for sex, it's because the sex with you isn't good.

If the sex was good with you, she would be making dates with you. She'd be like, Honey, well, you know, things changed. Are you sure we can have sex at 4:00 today? We don't have to. And I'm like, Oh, no, we're having sex at 4:00 today. Yeah, we still are. You know, that's what you want. You want to be the guy that she's like, Hey, Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays we're on. Let's do it. Because you know how to take me from a million thinking about a million things to completely surrendered to my pleasure with you know how to take me into that place and so that I think is what I would call the matriarchal view of sex is we get that kind of pleasuring and we have our partners understand that they have to help us get there every single time, no matter how much we love sex, that's what we need.

And I know that like often I hear from women that they just they're always waiting for their to be in the mood to have sex. But then usually there's this connection between like libido, desire and arousal, like this libido, desire, arousal matrix. So yeah. I like to think about it this way. You know, the Olympic gold, the like the five rings of the Olympics go. Well, the thing about three rings, libido, desire and arousal, that's called a given a Venn diagram. You're in the middle, you're libido is your body, it's your horniness, it's your lusty ness.

It's that piece of things. It's the other side of the same coin is your overall health. If your health is not good, you're libido is down. You can you can see a direct correlation to how much horniness you have based on how healthy you are, the healthier you are, the horny, horny, or you are if you're not horny, work on your health like desire. It's just so simple. There's nothing wrong with you. It's a health thing. Fix it, get to the root of it. Desire. Here is how do I feel? It's the emotional body. How do I feel about myself?

Do I feel desirable? If you're like you're a fat pig with a gross stomach and a fat, but I hate myself. And who would want to have sex? You got to work on the body image issues. You got to work on self love. You've got to work on self-loathing. You know, you've got to fix the emotional piece. It could also be that your partner's stressing you off and you can't be happy with them in the bedroom or them in the bedroom because they're not meeting your relationship values. They're not meeting the things that you need most in your relationship.

Yep. I have a little book that's one of my bestselling books, actually, it's my relationship magic dot com. It's what I've been on television the most to talk about. People love this particular little workbook because it helps you really understand what it is that you need in a relationship because it's different than your partner. I always talk about the golden rule mucks up marriages and ruins relationships, because if you treat your partner the way you want to be treated, they're a totally different person, literally, probably a different sex.

Then you're not doing it. Get to the platinum world. Treat your partner the way they want to be treated. Each them how you want to be treated. That's off. Then there's not enough desire. There's also that also gets into all the trauma, all the repression, all the shame, all of the hurt that has happened. You can overcome those things. You can come through those things with therapy, somatic work, loving, touch on armoring, etc. to begin to feel pleasure again. And then arousal. Is that ladder I was talking about earlier that it just you just start pretty much at the bottom rung.

There's a lot of heavy lifting in sex that almost really never goes away. Even today, I am a I am a trusted, hard sex advisor to millions. I have fabulous sex, I have a great libido. And every single time I have a date with my partner, we start on the bottom rung because I'm busy, I'm running two companies, I'm raising a kid, I'm doing a lot of things. I start at the bottom rung and I got a I got to kick start the old mare. I got a gator go in and my partner knows that. And he doesn't he doesn't begrudge it.

It's a part of the joy of the journey, of the opening of our pleasure. Together we just think down into a yoni massage and we start that first and we get me going because once we get me going, I'm good. But gosh, I wish I could just I wish I could just be always ready to go or I wish I could always have an erection or I wish I could always be. I'm not. It's just not our state. Even those of us like me who are always ready to go. I'm not really. I have to get going. And so that's the arousal ladder.

And so many women and their partners think it's her lack of desire. It's not. It's that our bodies take time to get turned on. So once women stop feeling like there's something wrong with them or they're different or they're guilty, there's a few women out there who are horny all the time, but they are the aberration, they are not the norm. And so I think so many women, I wish they could just really take that in. Like, if there's one thing you take in on this conversation, it is just give yourself time to get turned on.

Do what you need to have done to do that. Yeah. And I find that you can't do that multitask because you can't be like, you got to turn the brain off. You can't be thinking like, okay, who's got to do the laundry and what's for dinner and who's picking up Johnny and you know you got it.

Libido, desire, and arousal explained 18:18

Yeah. You know, and I do in general. And this is a generalization. I find men are very much better at compartmentalizing and focusing on one task at a time. Like women, we tend to, like, brag that we can multitask. The worst thing to do in sex. You know? Well, there is a good thing. There's one good thing we can do in sex that's multitasking. So because men are testosterone dominant, they're goal oriented. And so they can they can only do one thing at a time. Like if you've ever tried to disturb your husband when he's focused on something and tell him something, he literally is like, oh, you got to tell me later.

I I'm doing one third. You know what I mean, really? But we're like because we're estrogen dominant and the masculine is the predator and the feminine is the prey, unfortunately. And the prey is the wild horse that's going to run away. We're scary, we're hard to capture, and we've got to keep our eye on everything because we could be hurt. So estrogen is the molecule of safety that keeps us from getting hurt. And so we are in our heads because of that. That's why we need our male body partner, if that's what we have to help calm us down and get us out of our head and into our body and make us feel safe.

It is really that relaxation, that's safety. That is the the bed, the firmament of arousal. I mean, there's some people who are wired where they want to fight to have sex. That's an unusual wiring. Most people need to be calmed down before they can get turned on. And so the one place where our multitasking actually works really well is Dr. Nan Rice. She is a neuroscientist who as she's a sexual neuroscientist and she's written some very good books. She's really brilliant. And she put a bunch of women in the fMRI eyes and had them achieve orgasms and touch, had them stimulated in different locations.

And it turns out that the more locations similar, tiny asleep that we are stimulated, the more areas of our brain light up. We are actually very good at orgasmic multitasking. And here's the really, really, really interesting kicker, which is that when you think about being stimulated in those areas, when you think about pleasure, it lights up the brain just as well as if you were actually touching the locations. So fantasy is a very, very, very big part of our orgasmic potential as the feminine.

And what's nice is that it it's your lips and mouth, your breasts and nipples as well as your clitoral structure. The labia on the outside and inside the entrance to the vagina called the trial center the inside cervical area of the vagina as well. And all of those light up different parts of the brain. So the more different locations we can have pleasured, the more pleasure we have. Wow. I did not know. This is I'm like I'm like sitting here taking notes. Oh, my goodness. Now what is orgasmic? Cross-training?

Because, like, I think a cross-training started thinking about CrossFit and I know I'm not having orgasms at CrossFit. It's Oh, some women do. Okay. So cross-training is this idea that you get stronger when you, you know, your body build and you do high intensity interval training on the heels and you go swim in the ocean and you take sort of yoga classes and you ride your bike. You know, each of those adds to the greater MA One of my mentors, I've been very lucky to have a couple of just exquisite mentors, Betsy, and one of them is Sheri Winston.

She wrote a seminal book called The Women's Anatomy of Arousal, and she taught them in how to expand their orgasmic capacity. One of my hallmarks of my work in this world is helping people expand and move into their orgasmic potential, having 20 different kinds of orgasms that the human body can have, both male and female chromosome bodies. And I took that idea of hers and I started looking at a lot of the different sex tools. And I don't like to call them toys because they're much more than a toy.

They are a tool. I looked at all the different categories of sex tools and one of the women who I admire greatly in the sexuality space, she was telling me, Oh yeah, there's kind of like categories of toys that got me going and thinking about that. And I thought, okay, so if you look at if you look at things like doctor memoirs work with orgasmic activation and you know, you're thinking, okay, touch the clitoris, touch the labia, touch the android sphincter, touch inside the vagina, touch the breast nipples, touch the mouth and lips.

Okay, that's one thing. And you're lighting up more parts of the brain when you use tools and you use it. Turns out I did an exhaustive study and there are eight categories of sex toys for females, sex tools for females. And these categories activate different parts of our urogenital complex the vulva and vagina, the clitoral urethral and perineal structures, the knees and the outis. I'm just using lots of different words. So to get that big picture, there's a lot of space in there. It's not just the tip of the clitoris.

It's not just the entrance to the vagina. Those are just some of the spots and there's so many spots. So how can we use the eight different tools to activate the different areas, to send more signals to the brain, to bring more engorgement and blood flow to all of the tissue so that it all becomes highly activated and sends a massive amounts of pleasure signals to our number one sex organ, which is our brain. Our brain tells us that it feels good. We so we need to let our brain make the connection.

It's a mind body connection, just like thinking about being pleasured lights up the brain. So does stimulating the different parts of the whole female genital anatomy. And so I put together that orgasmic cross training dot com made it simple. The categories and my best recommendations for each of them because there is a lot of junk out there. There's a lot of stuff that's not body safe. There's a lot of stuff that has crappy motors. There's a lot of stuff that doesn't last long. That's a waste of money.

Most of the stuff out there is junk. And I have chosen and selected what I think are the very best. And I'll just give you some examples. There's air stimulators which are like clitoral suckers, which is great, but we're really trying to move beyond just just the tip of the clitoris to activate everything because it's a symphony. We have our thruster, we have thrusters and pulse raiders. We have lickers, we have the rabbit, which is an internal, external, really good for women who, for example and I know a lot of them come into your office and they say, I'm getting a divorce and I haven't had sex with my husband for 17 years and I'm going to start dating now.

Orgasmic cross-training and sex tools 25:48

And I think everything's atrophied and it's all dried up and it doesn't work. And I don't know what to do, you know, so that's very pick up. So the rabbit, which is going to give the clitoral sensation while also internal sensation, there's G-spot wands. I'm missing a few off the top of my head, but they're all that orgasmic cross training dot com. And what I recommend is that every woman has all different eight in her pleasure chest and she begins with just working with them. Sometimes it takes one or two tries to achieve your orgasm with any new tool, but over time you're having orgasms with all eight of them.

You're coming better. Your engorgement happens faster like the arousal ladder. The stairs go up more quickly, you get turned on faster because you're really used to getting all the blood flowing in and getting turned on and you've lit up all those pathways, you've activated all that tissue. The brain knows what you're touching. I mean, a big part of it is when you're thinking about, okay, this is my G-spot. Now your brain is like, okay, that's that feels like the G-spot. And then when you get that G-spot stroking the second time, you're like, Oh, that looks good on my G-spot.

Oh, the third time you're like, Oh, that feels really good on my juice bar. And then the fourth time you're like, Okay, oh my bottom. Right, yeah. So you just have to allow your body the time and space and pleasure and stimulate you that she wants and needs for you to have this quantum explosion of orgasmic pleasure. And then when you're with a partner, you can incorporate these toys into your play. You don't have to, but it's so much better when you do because now you've got fingers and tongues and penises and toys and that makes it even better.

And most partners now know there's still some holes backs that are like, you know, what is this going to replenish me? And it's like, no, actually, it's going to make me want to have sex with you more often. So we're doing it. And then they get used to it and they love it because ultimately our partners love to see us in massive amounts of pleasure that they've been a part of creating, no matter how it gets done. And so once the pleasure starts, the fear goes away and you have really activated everything you know.

And it's make me think of I did a post back in May on the health benefits of masturbation because I didn't realize it may is masturbation may and so when we were talking about the different different types of devices that were out there and on some platforms, it got, you know, a lot of support. And then on one of the social networking sites, I got a more conservative group who their response was, I don't need that. I have a man for that. Or like this is this is a family place. Why are you talking about this stuff?

And I'm going, you know, masturbation and sex tools have been around since the dawn of time. And I can honestly stand here as a physician and tell you that there are health benefits to doing social work now. Yeah, yeah. It doesn't really matter where the pleasure comes from. It can be solo pleasure that you give yourself, it can be partner's pleasure and they both equally count. Having good sex makes you look ten years younger than you're than your cohorts. It's a an incredible vascular event. So it's very, very good for heart health and cognitive function and and pushing off potential problems with strokes and aneurysms.

It's very good at resetting the nervous system, rebooting the nervous system. That's very, very important for people who have anxiety, depression and stress, who doesn't. Anybody now very, very good for releasing a cascade cascade of neurotransmitters and hormones. Very, very good for generating the oxytocin that makes you bond to your partner as well. Not be annoyed by other people so much, which we could all I think we should take all the fluoride out of our water and put in oxytocin. That's what I'm going to run for president long.

I'm going to do I'm going to run for vice president with Marianne Williamson. And that's going to be my plasma. I like that and like that. Oh, my goodness. You know, along the lines to you know, we're all always looking for ways to kind of get things working better. What about sexual biohacking? Yeah. Yes. So for those who don't know what biohacking is, biohacking came out of the anti-aging and longevity world. And you'll look at people like David Asprey, Peter Attia, Ben Greenfield, Kristen Weitzel, Natalie Nied, myself and Annalynne Forbes from Finland, who we started this session talking about.

What we like to do is we like to extend the health span. We we want to live longer, healthier, more healthily. And I specifically work on the sex span that sex can be incredibly good until the day you die. But there's no and we were born sexual and we end our lives as sexual beings if we allow it, if it hasn't been traumatized or kind of pushed out of us and because it makes you younger, because it makes you look ten years younger, that's there's research that shows this, that the people who have intimate relations three times a week or more look ten years younger than their cohort and have all those other benefits.

I like to help people have an extended sex span so that they can have great sex much longer throughout their lives, if not throughout their whole lives. And what happens is that you have to essentially reverse atrophy and atrophy is as we age, you know, we get wrinkles because we're starting to lose collagen and we're starting to get we get smaller. We have sarcopenia. I mean, I'm really working against all of that all the time. I'm working on muscle all the time, strength, balance, hand grip, all of those kinds of things are very, very important for maintaining your sex span as well as your health.

This sexual biohacking is this idea that you can and sexual regenerative therapies is this idea that there are treatments and techniques that reverse this aging. Just like when we go to work out at a gym or we go get a facelift or we take sustainalytics or we do other supplementation, or we do intermittent fasting or cold plunging or cryo or red light therapy or running our Vespas and our carol bikes and our air axes and all the stuff that we do to keep ourselves young. We can do the same things to our genital system.

And though erectile dysfunction has been considered to be a male issue, it is equally a female issue because we have the same amount of erectile tissue in our vulva as our male body partners do in their penis. And it atrophies and it shrivels up. And we have thinning. We have a loss of estrogen which sends the tissue of our vagina. That means it doesn't hold as much of the fluid that comes through the blood plasma. Our vagina is not a glam, so it's not self lubricating. It has to have blood flow to the pelvic bowl.

That's what happens when you begin to get aroused. If you've got vascular issues, you're not getting the blood flow into your pelvic bowl. If you've got edema or your ring fingers are swollen or things like that, you're not getting blood flow to your pelvis. When you get turned on, you need to get your nitric oxide boosters going. You can do things like photo bio modulation, which is red light therapy. There's a device. Let's see, what do I do? I have that beginner device. Dot com is where I put that.

That's the fit goal. That's the red light therapy with the warmth and the key gold toning. That's really good for generating new mitochondrial growth. Of course, estrogen replacement for many, many women is like vital for keeping back, utilize and keeping the tissue good and getting lots of fluid in there.

Sexual biohacking and regenerative therapies 34:18

And then there's things like the acoustic wave technologies gains wave for men, semi wave for women. I've been going through my semi wave treatments because I've had incontinence. The other day. I got home and I ran to the bathroom and I peed my pants before I could get them down, you know? And it's like, so these things happen to us. So we use, you know, you use I think you have the M sculpt, you've got what are the things that you're using in your office right now? A bunch of things. We've got the Mona Lisa touch, which is a laser that regenerates the tissue.

And then there's the votive that does radio frequency, that uses sound waves to regenerate tissue. And the challenge gets you to it. Does your kegels are 80 times what you can do on your own? Yeah. And vibration. Platelet rich plasma using on your own group therapy. Yeah. Using your own growth factors out of your blood. And then actually. And that's great for men. Yeah, wonderful for men. So we use it in women, but like yeah, amazing when you combine the PRP with the sound wave for men and they're they're good.

Yeah gains wave and PRP is very good. Although I am in two weeks I'm headed to Desert Hot Springs too. Or Palm Springs to bank my own stem cells now. Nice. I like PRP, but it's inflammatory. Yeah. Yeah. And that's a part of how it works. And I'm moving more toward Exosomes and my stem cells. So I'm banking my own line of stem cells with American stuff. American cell tech. I don't know if you've got gotten into that yet. No, but look exactly how. I will be when I go there. They're going to take two sticks of butter of fat from my belly.

Feel free and okay, can you take four and one? They'll spin down the stem cells in that and then they'll inject them into my torn ACL is that I got this ski season my elbows from lifting too heavy and just an I.V. for my COVID rehabilitation from my brain and then they'll send the second stick of butter, spin it down and send it to American cell tech. And then AZT has my cell line, and then they can just generate and duplicate culture, my stem cells, and whenever I need them, I just call them up and I'm like, Hey, I got a traumatic brain injury.

Can you please send my stem cells? I need to get an I.V. right away. 48 hours or 24 hours later, my stem cells are going back into my body, crossing my blood brain barrier and fixing my trauma. So I think this is where things are going, both generally as well as whole body and systemically. So though I love PRP and it's super easy and it's not expensive anymore, it's a great place to start. There are things even beyond that. So another really good one is pumping vulva pumping, penis pumping. Yes.

So the vacuum erection devices draw all the blood in and they help regenerate the tissue. So really what's happening with all this sexual biohacking, regenerative stuff, whether it's making nitric oxide supplements, doing the laser, the breath, the waves, I prefer the wave. I'll tell you, I like semi wave right now. I really like it because when you're doing the RF and the and the CO2 lasers, you're just interact generally. Yeah. And what I like about the family waves and again what I like about the semi wave is they do it on the moms, they do it on the vulva, outer vulva, they do it on the clitoral shell aft and tip.

And then they also do it kind of inside the perineal area down below and it radiates deep in the whole thing. And so it's, it's more widespread, if you will. It plumps the labia up again like any vaginal intraoral vaginally device is going to do the vaginal tissue and some of the the sling for your bladder, all of the musculature of your bladder. But I it doesn't do anything for like saggy labia. It doesn't do anything for the clitoral and urethral tissue particular, really. So I'm going down the path of the femi wave right now to reverse my incontinence.

And the first two that I've had, I've had more lubrication than I had when I was 20. Like, I'm so wet now, I still use lube. And all the lube that I like right now is called Foria, if I may. Have you heard about that? Yeah, I carry it on my store. Well, there you go. Yeah, yeah. Really like their breast oil, their awaken, which is their little couple drops right on the clitoral structure. It's got a little cardamom and cinnamon in it, but. Smells like no. Preservatives. It smells so good. And the breast oil smells kind of like pine.

It has this really fresh smell. And then just the regular lube, the CBD, MCT oil lube is so smooth and nice. Like I always used to tell women, just get sweet almond oil or get organic avocado oil and it's good enough, it's edible, there's no preservatives in it. It's not going to hurt you if you use a condom, use poly isoprene or polypropylene because it isn't oil. But ever since I discovered Foria, I'm like, I'm I'm up, I'm upgrading. I really love that. I love that. Our whole experience of all of them like, honey, okay, now, squirt, this one on.

Okay, honey, can you do my boobs with this one? And you know. Sometimes I run across women who feel shameful about using a lube and I'm like, there is no shame in using lube because first of all, you have to have good blood flow to make a lubricant. But do you ask me also be hydrated and 75% of us are chronically dehydrated. So that's why there's tons of lube companies out there like just grab a loop. So yeah, yeah. But I don't like a loop that's grab off the shelf because they're all FDA regulated and they have to have preservatives in them.

And I always say, if you wouldn't put it in here, don't put it in there, which is what I've really been happy. Foria is honestly the first formulation that I have seen that is super, super clean and feels great. So I'm not a paid spokesperson for them or anything. I don't have a special link, etc., etc.. I mean, maybe you can buy from Betsy Store. I just, you know, I really, really, really like that. So I've got great lubrication, unbelievably wet now and I still use lube. Yeah, yeah. This is. I could just go on for hours. Just.

This is amazing. So. Yeah. Is there anything I didn't ask you about that you want to kind of tell us about before we have to start wrapping it up? So I got one last thing for you and I and I want you to do this and I want you to call me and tell me what yours are. Okay? So because you're just you're an intrepid human. And I love that about you so, you know, I've been doing this for a couple of decades now, passionate lovemaking techniques and bedroom communication skills and helping people understand this sexual biohacking stack, you know, the blood flow, all that kind of thing.

And one of the things I realized is that people want really fun things to do in the bedroom. They don't just want to technique, they want ideas. They want what I like to call erotic playdates. And I put together something a few months ago called my sex life bucket list. It's sexlifebucketlist.com and it's 48 erotic playdates and you if you're lucky enough to have a partner

Sex life bucket list and closing resources 42:38

when you download the PDF, download two copies and print them out on your home printer and it comes with a video where I walk you through all 48 of the sexy erotic playdate ideas. There's nothing weird in there. There's nothing where your guys are going to be embarrassed, like, oh, none of that. I mean, all over the Internet, there's all these weird things, but there's it's all like super sweet, lovey, fun, sexy ideas. There's the 24, the orgasm you can have. There's all different play date ideas. And what it really what it does is it allows you to make it A, B and C list as are.

Oh, I definitely want that on my sex life bucket list. These are wouldn't be on mine but if my partner wanted it wanted to do it I'm totally do it with them and sees are it's not for me right now and I always say never say never because the things that you used to look at and go, Oh my God, that is so weird. Now you're like, Hey, I'd like to do that. So you grow and mature sexually as you age, which is one of the beautiful things about aging, is the wisdom that you have and the experiences that you have.

And when you get your sex life bucket list and your partner does, then you can compare them and you can kind of make your age and merge them together and then it gives you a bunch of new things that you could do together so that it's not like, okay, are we going to have sex at 4:00? It's more or less. And by the way, 4:00 some old I do have early sex these days, but you know, after dinner, I'm too tired. Yeah, yeah. I think I usually have a really good throw out anymore stuff. I do like the afternoon delights now.

Yeah. I like to be able to see and have lots of energy. So I love sex life bucket list because so many people have told me we did it. And finally I started having orgasms from intercourse with my partner. They just didn't really realize I wasn't having them. And and we've made a concerted effort to learn how to do it because you told us it was just a learned skill and it's just been a we found my G-spot or we found his pee spot or we did a lingerie fashion show or we did a photoshoot, or we had sex on the dining room table.

It was really fun because we wanted to have sex in new places and it's so sweet. So I would say that if you're looking to spice up your sex life, the sex life bucket list is actually a really nice experience for you. And if you're lucky enough to have a partner for your partner to do with you. I love that. I'm going to I'm going to print that. Good. Yeah. Let me know what yours are, because I want to know what's on your top of your list right now. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Wait to see the list because I'm like, you know, I'll be hitting.

I want to be 20 years of marriage in October and so. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Your husband will be game. You'll love. It. Oh, my goodness. Well, as always, Susan, it is so educational and so entertaining to talk to you where it can be gave us a whole bunch of amazing links. But where else can people find you? Yeah, you can. If you'd like to get on my Sex Tips newsletter, I'm at betterlover.com and you're also welcome to follow me on Instagram. That's my name Susan, Susan Bratton, (@susanbratton) Wonderful once again, thank you so much for taking the time out of your schedule to talk with us.

This has been really wonderful. Make everybody go. Make sure you check her out and also stick around. We got more amazing sessions coming up. So once again, thank you, Susan.