7 Steps to Healing After Loss

Introduction and grief background 0:00

And we're going to set the recording that set up all the technology is in place we made it Murray for here. So hi everyone, thank you for taking some time out of your hopefully beautiful evening and to spend some This is a topic that is very, very important to me and obviously it's something that's very very to Marie as well. I had my own experience with grief when both of my parents transitioned within six months of each other and so that was my experience. So I understand how powerful grief can be and the impact that that can have.

When I saw, I've met Marie virtually a few times and saw that she had written a book and she was doing all these amazing things about being a widow and how that impacted her life and now she is able to use that. So I was so excited when she said yes, that you would do this for me and be here. She is now a best-selling author, she's a speaker, She's also a functional medicine health coach. Uh, she has a passion for helping and inspiring widows and widowers to live well through things like clean eating and laughing more, you know, finding something to smile about every day and perhaps maybe even finding love again.

So thank you, Marie, for coming and sharing some time with us. I'm so glad you're here. Thank you Jen. It's a pleasure. Yeah. So you are living proof, right? That your book title is Seven Steps to Healing After Loss, and you're the living prove that this can work. And so tell us a little bit about how that experience was life-changing for you.

Functional medicine and health transformation 1:58

After Dave died, almost four years ago now, I was lying on the floor with open, empty arms wondering, who is it going to take care of now? And the answer came back quickly, you silly. And at the time it was carrying around 30 pounds of weight that I carried around for 20 years, I thought it healthy, but I was really just fit from working out with a trainer for seven years and walking the golf course, But I wasn't healthy. And I on all kinds of prescription meds. I pre-diabetic, metformin for that, on antidepressants, because that's the first thing they give a widow.

The second thing, they gave them a sleeping pills. on meds for cholesterol and high blood pressure. And all this time I thought, why, there's gotta be a get to the root cause. How do you get the the cause of why you're on all of these med? And the other thing that really bugged me is once you go on a prescription med, There is no exit strategy for ever coming off. So I discovered functional medicine and it was the first time anybody took a family history and uncovered rampant autoimmune disease running through the whole family.

So it was eye-opening and even for me, they diagnosed me with autoimmune hepatitis. And of course I had to ask Dr. Google what the heck that was and came up with, you know, all this weird stuff. It, it, was part of the fatty liver or something was going on and they wanted to take a liver biopsy and I said, no way. Then they, It was a misdiagnosis. They were just kidding. There's really nothing wrong, except I have terrible gut issues as well. So through all that and discovering functional medicine, I was put on the essentials program through the Living Proof Institute.

I flew up to Toronto and within six weeks, Jen, within 6 short weeks just by changing my food preferences,I shed those 30 pounds.I came off all of my medications and the widow fog lifted. The brain fog, the energy came back through And just by changing what I ate, it was amazing to me. Fascinating. Well, we talk about how powerful those things can be. But we've been so ingrained by the modern medical world that, oh, well, that can't possibly make a difference. That can possibly help. And here we are.

It made a big impact. Yeah. What's the percentage of obesity in the US? It's a staggering number of people that are overweight. And I'm a product of the Betty Crocker generation. So mom used to bake cakes from scratch, right? But not after Betty crocker came out. Oh my goodness, a cake in 10 minutes. Let's eat from a box. TV dinners, there are eight kids.

Journaling and writing the book 4:46

And TV dinner is let's do 10 for a dollar. It's incredible. You're one of eight, kids? Yes. I am one nine. Wow. What are the odds of that? We're both big family kids. So where are you in the lineage? Where are in line? Right in middle. Right? In the middle? Yeah. Nice. And how about you? Well, there were three and then the doctors told my mom, you're never going to have any more kids, don't worry about it. There was nine and almost 10 years and she got pregnant with me and they're like, oh, it's a miracle.

It's wonderful. Then five more after me. She's like all right, enough's enough. Oh my goodness. I think my mom was 45 when the doctor finally said, uh, Faye, you might want to stop doing this. We all grew up in a thousand square foot house, 10 of us, in 1,000 square feet house. One shower. Nice. Those were the days, right? Those are the Um, so what, what other tools did you use, um, when you were going through this and, you know, I, some of those things I know just from conversation and getting to know you, use those tools to actually write your book, which I am so intimidated about doing.

I've been playing around with it for so long and I'd been watching, well, how did he do it? So share with us what led to the book. So one of the things that I started after Dave died was a journal. And it was a great way to relive 30 years of memories and travels around the world. And Dave was firefighter on that Toronto Mississauga fire department. So there are funny stories from the firehouse like you wouldn't believe. I started journaling and it's so wonderful to smile again at the memories because that's really all we have left are memories.

It would go through pictures and trigger, I forgot this happened. I'd be flying for work. I was working at Oracle for technology for 30 years. And I'll be in writing notes on every inch of an airplane napkin and post-it notes. Then after meditating, I began meditation as a practice, which also helped just calm the grief down and settle with it. One day after meditation, I think there's a book in here. And then the 12 chapters came. This is about a year after I started. It was a three-year process.

But I had a big vision board and I have the twelve chapters, which changed a little bit from then till now.

Gratitude, healing, and finding love again 7:22

Literally, John, this book started as a journal on Post-it notes and napkins and a journaling book. Really a gratitude journal, grateful for all the stories. Not just the funny ones and the sad ones, Also the, you know, the sad things about going through losing Dave and when we found out the diagnosis and that march through, through his end, it was very therapeutic. That is really powerful. And you know, you talk about the gratitude piece of it, and how powerful that can be, because the more you're able to be in that gratitude space, not that it's not important to acknowledge the pain, right?

And the struggle and what that meant and the value that that had. But then the ability to leave it there and focus and put yourself in the place of gratitude, it completely shifts, you know, your mindset. It completely it puts you in that place where now you can not only heal emotionally, but now can start to feel physically from the impact of that. Right. Yes. Yeah. So it was just an amazing, amazing journey. And it really is a journey that's different for everybody. On top of the same year I lost my mom.

So I lost her to Alzheimer's and Dave to cancer, and I am a cook. I love to cook, I like to feed people, it's the Italian in me. And I went back to school, what I thought was to learn more about nutrition, then I became a functional medicine health coach. So functional Madison changed my health by learning all of these tips and techniques and becoming a Functional Medicine Health helped me articulate the seven steps to healing. So that was life transforming. Mm, that's powerful. So you have, you know, in the ways that you support men and women, widows and widowers in that process.

You have your awesome book, which they can find on Amazon or your website, mariscottwellness.com. And then you also have you're functional medicine services to help them take it to the next level from that perspective. Then we were touching on that, uh, You Have Retreats too, right? Yes, I do. We've got some really exciting things planned this year. And the retreat's coming up quite quickly at the end of March in Siesta Key. It's a beautiful healing beach, and it's magical place. I've three spots left, looking for a select group of widows to join us, widowers only this time, to dive into the seven steps to healing.

because they really helped me. And Jen, once my heart, mind, and body healed, in walked love again. So, you know, my friend Lee said to me, he goes, how do you rate? He goes not only did you have one great love in your life, but now you've got two. In walked Jordan into my hearts. It's an amazing love story. Again, I'm living proof the seven steps to healing really work and can help overcome this tremendous, tremendous law. It's devastating. And the seven steps of healing really paves the way to shine a light in a dark place.

Retreats, Camp Widow, and community support 10:48

Yes, and I've seen photos of your amazing husband and the ways you guys look at each other and way you love each. I watched some of the videos with you cooking. There was one where you were making spare ribs at the time or something like that. Just to see the joy. you know, that you have. And it really does, like you said, it's living proof that there is hope and that is healing after that space. So, and they can find information on the retreat on your website as well, right? Absolutely, yes. Also join my community because one of the first things I did after Dave did is I joined all of these widow support communities.

I will tell you that nobody knows what you're going through except other widows and widowers. Losing a spouse is, every single thing in your life is different. You are part of a couple, especially after 30 years, you're part a of couple and that just gets ripped away from you. And every, single, thing is difference. So I remember shopping the first time, shopping for one, I was in tears in the supermarket. One piece of salmon and one filet and, one piece Because I knew that if I didn't cook for myself, I'd feel like crap.

And if i felt like Crap, it wasn't one I wouldn't want to embrace life again. So it's all connected. It all boils back to healing yourself, and then healing your mind, body and spirit. And, you know, I saw that firsthand too, after my mom, my mum was the first to pass and seeing my dad go through that process. And I really wish he would have embraced some resources like this, like what you're providing, and support, because it just, it was devastating to him, to this. I will tell you, the man died of a broken heart.

It's quite common. Is that powerful? Yeah. Yeah, and so some other ways, you said you were also speaking at Camp Widow? Yes, oh my, I'm so excited. I've been trying for two years and of course with COVID, many of the live events had been canceled. And I am so honored and excited to have been chosen to be a presenter at camp widow on the seven steps to healing. Camp widow is part of The Soaring Spirits organization. It's an incredible organization I think there are up to 30,000, if not more, 30 thousand strong.

And staggering numbers. I mean, there's almost 18 million widows and widowers in the U.S. and Canada alone. So Soaring Spirits helps connecting with other widowners and I will tell you that connection is so powerful because you can feel free to say, you know, I can't get out of bed this morning. Has anybody experienced not being able to sleep for like a week? and how you overcome, you know, taking your wedding ring off. All of these things are so specific to being a widow or widower. They give me chills.

Well, I am very grateful for you. And I'm very thankful for what you're doing. Because like I said, II would have so loved for my dad to have had that type of support and encouragement and community, like you said. So be sure to join her community. Your community is on Facebook. Is that right? It is. Yes. In fact, you can find a link on my website as well. It's the Marie Scott widowhood to wellness. and it's a vetted group of widows and widowers. I ask everybody in there, to please provide the obituary date.

So they're completely vetted and safe, verified widows and widowers in that group. And I share the seven steps to healing because it's so important to heal yourself and feel better. I'll leave you with one example. As I was going through the book, my friend lost her mom and she described her dad as this great, jovial man dying in a recliner. that's so common in so many. And as we were working through the seven steps, we're talking every week and she was sharing them with her dad and all of a sudden he started getting up out of the recliner, cooking for friends and family and getting out and smiling again and exercising and he's even dating now.

So the Seven Steps are that powerful. That's awesome. Well, I am so happy to hear that I'm happy for you and the I put the link to your website in the comments here so everybody can find that there and If you please share it with someone that you know that may have lost whether it's a husband or a wife, because you don't know when they're going to be ready and willing to accept or be open to that type of support. And it can make all the difference in the world like it has for Marie. So thank you for being here.

I really appreciate you and how you show up and what you offer to this world. Thank you, Jen. You're welcome. Please, everybody, click on her website and we'll see you next time. Bye.