Be VicTORIEus Ep. 59

Book Announcement and ACEs Introduction 0:00

Hey, you guys, it's me, Dr. Tori. My book is officially out. And yes, It is time to talk about ACEs. You guys can find the books everywhere. However, I would encourage you, guys to go to my website, bevictorious.com and place your order today. Yes. It's time. To talk. About ACE's. Let's go, y'all. Hello. We are here for another episode of Dee Victoria. I like saying that. Well, guess what, you guys? I am here because I have a special guest. She's actually been asking for a while to be a guest on the podcast.

And since she's reached the big 12, I honestly think that she is ready. Corey, where you at? Hi, everyone. My name is Cory and I am 12 years old and this is my first time in the park. I guess I'm so excited. Who are you Cory? You just said everything already. Well, basically, I am the daughter of the founder of The D. Victoria's Foundation. So right now, that's my mom. And I'm excited.

Introducing Cory and the Podcast Conversation 1:32

I ready to share my story. Everything. Nobody to let you guys get to know me on a different level. What? So I just want y'all to know for the record, this is not scripted at all. This is a recording, and this what we're going to do. Cory, have you seen the podcast before? Plenty of times. Really? What made you interested in watching the podcasts? So basically, I always noticed your growth. every time. And I always notice after every podcast, you're so happy. You're full of joy. So of course, why not watch it?

I'll always go to school. I make all my friends and be like, subscribe to Be Victoria's foundation and go on YouTube. Mm-hmm. you love your mom. That's an amazing thing. so you know what I talk about and you what do for real. Yes. and You think 12 year old should have this conversation. So here's the thing, cause me as a 12 year old, I am very mature and I can understand, but there's certain like people, like currently at my school, i would grab like a small bunch of group of kids and they would probably listen, for majority.

I don't think so. Why do you think that though? Why you don' think they don? Because I feel like when it comes to the maturity level, I don't really think a lot of other students would like to understand it, because I think they wouldn't, in my opinion, based on what I believe. What I basically have observed in at school, and I will think most would really watch, I It will be some that would love to watch, but most, I don't think they will understand the meaning and the definitions and, the whole meaning of the Average Childhood Experience.

So do you know what it means? Yes. What does it mean? So, to me, in my own words, Average childhood experiences is like an experience that someone has had back in their past or currently, which has gave them a little bit of trauma and it has affected them in there current life, in a good way.

What ACEs Mean and Why They Matter 4:06

Oh, In a Good Way? It's not really in a good way, but like in way where it's making them the person who they are today. Interesting. Okay. Because there are aces, positive and negative. So just so you know, there some positive experiences. And I think that's what the CDC wants to work on are the positive experience. But you about adverse childhood experiences, So give me an example of an adverse childhood experience you know about. Like in my life or like the examples like abuse or in My Life? However you want to do it, baby.

This is your episode because I'm not telling you nothing. So if I would explain the types or like ways someone could develop avarice or aces, I should say, is like, there's different types of abuse, like physical, mental, verbal, all those types abuse. And I feel like A lot of those types of abuse, a lot people will remember it and some of that would give them trauma. Some of it would really hurt people and I think it should be talked about because I feel like more people should understand, well, like, why am I doing some Why don't I like this?

Cause there's certain things that like people have issues with. They just don' know. And I feel like talking about it will make them understand why. I agree with you. Cory, what grade are you in? Six. You think that and you're in the sixth grade? Yes. So you had mentioned the ACES that you go through. Are you comfortable talking the about the aces that have been through? Okay, go ahead. So, well, most of my aces I didn't really understand until I was older because when you and my father got divorced, I wasn't four years old.

I don't know what divorce meant. Oh, daddy's probably going to go work. Daddy's at grandma's house because grandma hurt something. I thought I was boyfriend and girlfriend at the time. I didn't know that y'all were married. So when I, like when was at that age, which I think was nine when figured out what the worst was. When I figured that you guys weren't together is when noticed when my dad would drop us off. Like when he would dropped me off from cheer practice and I would notice, why aren't you staying?

and I remember that entire time, Kamari had to explain to me, my older sister Kamar, she had tell me they're not together anymore. And I was like, so they broke up? Mommy, daddy broke? She was, like yes, cause she has to explained it in a way I can't understand, because I'm only four. I didn't know anything about a divorce.

Coryu2019s Personal ACEs and Family Changes 7:48

Okay. So when I figured that out, I think it was seven or eight, don't really remember. It was, he dropped us off and he kept leaving. And I started crying. I kept asking him to come back. Can you come backs with us? Can do all these things? Not knowing that like a divorce is a diverse at the time. So when I finally explained, we had developed this like little transitions where he asked me on Mondays, I mean, where has us on Monday's and Wednesdays and Fridays, and you have us Tuesdays, Thursdays on Sundays, mostly Saturdays.

And that was like really good. Then we had to move to Texas. And the transition from Texas was easy for me, because I didn't have friends that I connected to like this. I was so young, I barely really remembered. And I did know what half of the things meant, so I so was young at the time. So when I got older, which is like 10, 11, 12. Are you 12 now? You ain't that, 10 11 12, but OK, go ahead, on this one. It was, I started to understand more and I studied to talk more. He started, to start telling me more because I study to show that maturity to understanding.

So, when now here's the thing. I am very violent for some reason. It's kind of funny a little bit, but at some terms I don't have to. And when we talked about it one day, you showed me your story and you told me the reason why I may be really violent, because you were. And I was like, well, that makes sense. Then you mentioned something about generational trauma. So when you mentioned generational trauma, I started to read the book way more because I wanted to know what all this trauma is and stuff like that.

Go buy the books on bevictorious.com. And when I studied to the read book, not fully then I'm like in the third chapter, it showed me more. It showed me like what my generational trauma is. It made me understand because the first time, because you explained it to me twice, the 1st time I didn't understand. The 2nd time already read half the book. Already read the First Trapper, which is about generational Trauma. I already knew like, well, I understand a little bit more. i'm so violent because You were surrounded by violence when you were younger.

Wow, Corey. So you're really into the book for real? Yes. Really? Yeah. Okay. You think me doing the first chapter and addressing your generational trauma was the right thing to do? Really. Let me share with you. And just because you have the generational trauma, it's an identifier. You don't have to be violent. Yes, I grew up around violence, Dad. More than likely he can get it from me. However, now that you know, you can do something about that, correct? Correct. With my, like, issues and stuff, I found my ways like music, basketball, drawing and writing, all that type of stuff really calms me and I don't like be as violent as I am as much.

Music is going to be upon your systems though. I've fought my sisters, but I don't do like how I used to. I'm good at play fighting. When I was younger, I use to just fight them and hit them as hard as I can and try to swing them. They try do all these violent things. But now that I am older, we play fight. Try to actually hurt them, and I'll try actually win. I don't actually try like how I used to because of those things and basically my at home therapy that I do. What's your at-home therapy? Music, art, and basketball.

Really? Well, that's extracurricular activity. Now, my listeners and my people that know me and follow me know that i'm heavy on extricurricula activity, so extacurnic activity helps you. Okay, interesting.

Coping Skills, Healing, and the Book 13:12

So I have another question, because this is interesting, I think you're amazing, of course. What would you say to kids your age that are interested in getting involved in ACES, Because you are ACEs ambassador, correct? Correct, so what I would tell my students and people that I would first explain to them what aces are and like, cause obviously everyone has it, no one's perfect. So when I explained to then what ace is, it'll be like yeah, so I will try to get them to, well they don't have to forcefully tell my story, but if they understand that they have acess, I think that would make more sense before going into these details.

But what if kids don't know about it? They can't talk about anything if they don' know it. So the way I would explain it, because honestly, I think the book would be a good factor. Are you serious? So you think it's enough for a kid to read? I'd think, it would good and educational for someone my age to reading. God bless you, my child. Because I think so, too. I it's good for anybody to read. So I mean, to hear this from you, honestly, is good. Now, I'll be honest, obviously, you write notes and I've seen you use your book and have seen it.

Thank you. Really do. Also see your enthusiasm with being an ambassador. Do believe that with me being older, your generation is the one that needs it because You have a mother with an illness and that's not a heavy feat for you. So what would you say to kids so they won't go through what you've experienced? What would say you to them? Try to stay calm because when you are going through your illness stuff, I was not calm. I can't say that I'm over exaggerating because it was very like important.

But I was putting more stress on myself than it was supposed to be stressful. So I would be like, stay calm, find something that calms you. For me, if music calmes me music, calmed me. If for someone else, trying clothes or something or reading a book or watching tiktok if that calms you then do that don't stress yourself over some things over things that you can't control over over themes that like you Can't honestly do too much about Okay, Cory I believe it. You have proven to us that you are ready.

I got a question for you. So I think I have two more questions. Do you like B. Victoria's Foundation? I love B Victoria Foundation because The Victoria's Foundation to me is like understanding really what's going on, because, and I already explained this to you, I really like how, now that I'm older, starting to get into more conversations. And B Victoria's Foundation is helping me get into more of those conversations and me being able to understand like what is going on, what even happened in my past.

Like when I was younger, I didn't understand nothing except mommy and daddy broke up. Wow. You think you're ready to have this conversation by yourself or with other people? I'm going to get you ready. Thank you, Corey, for sharing. Is there anything else that you want to tell our audience? Is or anything that want you to? I will share with the audience. She's been asking for a while and I wanted to put her to the test and guess what? This episode is this episode and she has done it. I think 12 year olds have said it because I don't think as parents We should hide these things from our students, from out kids.

I think our kids really should be aware of ACES and understand ACEs. Do you think understanding ACes has helped you, Cory? Yes, it helps me so much with all the questions that I had when I was younger. Because I'm being so serious. All I knew was mommy and daddy broke up. I know that it was a marriage. I just thought mommy and daddy was boyfriend and girlfriend, and that we just was living in the same house.

Advice for Kids and Sharing the Message 18:18

And I understand the full story. There's still a little bit that I have questions about, but those are easy questions. Well, Meg's your word. So this won't be, feel like a one-sided interview. You talk to your dad, correct? How's your relationship with your Dad? My relationship my dad is amazing. Now that I'm older and I was younger, he didn't really have the chance to develop a relationship for me because I would like an itty bitty baby when you guys divorced. So when he, so like this summer, I was able to go to Chicago with him alone.

And that really developed our conversations. Like he didn't know that I a little bit like him a real bit. He didn' understand my passion for basketball is a lil bit more than his. Really? He didn't really know some of that. So when that, uh, when I went to the summer and it was alone with him, it pretty like that made our bond stronger. Go ahead. I'm listening. And then I also noticed like when I was talking to Kamari, Kamare also explained it to me too. He didn't have the chance to really develop that relationship when was like a baby.

So Kamary always noticed what he's always trying to do extra, which is not always like things, but like if I ask for some shoes, at least he will give me some shoe or do a little bit of something. I feel like now, because when I first moved down here, I didn't really call him a lot. And now that we have a closer bond than we did, i call he more. Okay, so that's your initiative and is it working? Have you talked to your dad about how you feel about ACEs? have you talk to him about it? Has he shared some things with you?

So I've been trying to get his side of the story out. I got a little bit out of it. Now he did explain... You don't have to go to details, let's be clear. You have talked to your dad about things. I've asked him about his side of the story. Like, how did you guys meet? He literally told me thing for thing on how you met. It was similar, right? It wasn't two different conversations. Okay. okay. it was just like a couple of details that were different, like what happened before you got. Oh, okay, Okay, So, yes, that's really.

But your consent in your relationships with your parents. I'm concerned with my relationships with parents. Honestly, I have good relationships for both my parents, it's never like a different, well it is a little bit of a difference, but we have relationships in two different things. My relationship with dad is basketball and like different things like how the things we watch on TV, we kind of watch a little bit of the similar things. We watch like this summer, I really got to know my dad on a different level than what I've known, always known him for, which was my daddy.

That's understandable because you're getting older and you can tell that you are getting old because your maturing tremendously. I don't know 12 year olds that would actually be ready for this conversation. And I think you are doing a great job. So I want to say as an ACEs ambassador, you actually put your information out there for people to find you. Are you sharing ACE's information on your social media or what are you doing to get the word out about ACE? So honestly, the way I get to work is actually not on social.

Like I told you earlier, All I do is I be like, oh, y'all don't know my momma got a YouTube. How about yall subscribe to her and be victorious while they shit. Oh, you all know, my mama got to podcast. how about you go to Spotify and SoundCloud and look at her, and her up. and look up the Victoria's Foundation podcast. We weren't even able to go back to the school and ask the person who was sitting across from me in class. I was like, you know I'm doing a podcast today? I can watch it all the time.

So you publicize, you support your people. You proud, huh?

Parenting, School Conversations, and Closing Remarks 23:36

Yes, I just don't do it on the social media, on my social-media accounts. I really can't. When I did the video, when I posted on My Story, got a couple of likes near and near, near in there, but I don' do a lot of posting when it comes to ACES. Okay, that's fine. You don't do a lot of posting recently. Why is that? Okay. No, I won't put you out there like that. I'm playing. Well, let people know, again, why ACEs is so important. You told us what you've done to address your ACEs. You're aware of the ACE categories.

you told how you learned about ACE's. Tell 12 year olds, kids in high school, what do they do when they find out exactly what ACE are? What's the next steps? So when you find out what issues are, I think you should really address it because what happens if there's something that you don't even know about that's going on in your life? So why not figure it out and address or what happened if like something has happened in the household? And obviously, there was some things where like a lot of people can't really talk about it.

due to their parents' rules, well, why not ask? I don't think, I believe and I hope that parents shouldn't have a problem because even though it's always been a child's place, Why not Ask? Why Not explain to them? tell them because it's always well, it is not always good for you. It's not staying in child's place because I can ask you about my trauma in all things that has happened in my life before my like in everything. But for some other families, its stay in a childs place or whatever goes in how stays in house.

So I feel like you should try to act in the best way as possible and try and understand, like, because what happens if you're speaking out of term and don't know why, or doing all these things and you don t know what. Try to understand to calm yourself and trying to what you could do to make the situation better on your behalf because some things people can't control. Or y'all learn something from you today. So I thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule. I think it's time for children to also have this conversation.

And I'm ready to pour into schools. I have children in my household that support it. If they're already talking at school, thanks to you, I might need to step up and go ahead and come to your school. So I think I'm ready because I that was what I was nervous about. I do a lot of trainings with the adults, but if you think that kids need have this conversation, and I'll do what can to do that. Thank you Corey so much for having this and proving to me that not only can we have the conversation as parents, But we can have this conversation to address it pretty much where we need to, because we do it at home.

And I think it's also safe to have it in the classroom as well. Tell our listeners thank you so much for tuning in and say goodbye. Yes, I really appreciate being on the show. Thank you, so, much. Ah, thank, you baby girl. You know me, You guys. It's Dr. Victorious, and I'm everywhere. Make sure you tune in. make sure, subscribe to my YouTube channel. Do the things that you do in order to get yourself educated and ready to understand ACEs, because it's time to have the conversation. Thank you guys again for tuning in, and I will talk to you, guys, soon.

Bye-bye, you guy.