Be VicTORIEus Ep. 66

Book Launch and ACEs Introduction 0:00

Hey, you guys, it's me, Dr. Tori. My book is officially out. And yes, It is time to talk about ACEs. You guys can find the books everywhere. However, I would encourage you, guys to go to my website, bevictorious.com and place your order today. Yes. It's time, to, talk, about, ACE's. Let's go, y'all. Hello. Welcome back to another episode of, victorious. Of course you know who I am. I'm Dr. Victorious and I Am here with a special guest. So we have been at this podcast for three years and i am so excited to have our guest that we had.

i'm heavy into coaching you guys as i going through my healing journey and just to Have her here i Am so Excited. I love when she comes on social media, you can tell through her lived experiences, she is that coach and she has helped me out tremendously. We actually give a lot of feedback to each other and I am happy to have Shantel here. She is the narcissistic coach, the one that I go to for resources. she had free resources on her website, She has master classes, a group, everything for people like us.

Welcoming Shantel and Her Coaching Work 1:35

We both live in the household dysfunction umbrella of ACES, but to have this conversation, it's my pleasure. Shantel, where are you? I'm here. That's wonderful. Hey. How are, you I am so great. Thank you so much for having me on today. I think it is cool because we actually have had this respect for each other for a while. I respect your coaching and what you have and the things that you present to a community that needs that awareness. People don't know really what narcissist is or narcissistic personalities in that type of thing.

And as someone with ASIS, I just think it's important for people to know not only about coaching, but about Because household dysfunction in narcissism falls under that umbrella in ACEs, I really think we have a community that wants to know but don't have that understanding. So I wanted to kind of do something different than we normally do. Usually we had people share their stories and we definitely want you to share, but we found out we'd have something in common. I am actually going on, I got divorced in 2018. So this is seven years.

Yeah. I've been separated as well for seven And you know what, I think what's important for people to know is if it wasn't for my awareness of ACEs, then I probably would have been still in my relationship because when you have unresolved, unhealed trauma, you really don't know. And knowledge is power. No, say that one more time. I'm sorry. Knowledge is power. It is. So that's why I term myself as the ACEs educator and it's been working. And I really love what I am doing. Just like you love, what you're doing, I love that commonality that we have in regards to psychology and our backgrounds and things like that.

so I, really do love you all. She knows what she's talking about. Trust me and believe me. But what made you get started into becoming a narcissistic abuse coach? Well, my own journey through divorce. And then I morphed from helping people divorce to the commonalities that I was seeing was protective parents were really concerned about the effects of narcissistic parents on their children. So everybody that they work with, their exes are narcissists. If you know anything about abuse, it's always about power and control.

And just because the relationship ends doesn't mean the abuse ends. In fact, it morphs into post-separation abuse. And what that really entails, the all-time thing is they always use children, which means that children are experiencing ACEs on a daily basis in these dysfunctional households. And so that is my passion. I've always been an educator. An educator for, gosh, how old am I, 46? So for 32 years. And I'm just more from teaching children to teaching adults how to help their children. Because the worldwide legal family court system doesn't support protective parents and so protective, parents have to think outside of that box and really rely on themselves.

So that's why I'm here down familiar doing it we're educators you guys that you all have We're living in a society right now where the classroom is telling us to do one thing, but we know and desire and have this heart for our students. And it's hard to those things when you're going through it personally and seeing it professionally.

What Narcissism Looks Like 5:30

So I think that's kind of drove me into doing this as an entrepreneur. I'll be honest. This is the best thing that happened to me. Now, as a parent and having, you know, students that went through it and watching my own children go through, I think it's needed because now they can relate to the students and know why they've bonded with the student that they interact with and work with. So, yeah. And that's the thing with beauty. Yeah, they first became ACES ambassadors, what I call them. They are the ones that's out there.

And since I can't be in the community right now or in a classroom, They're doing it. they're like, oh, mama, I had this young man and he did that. It's like hmm. How empowering is that? I didn't want it to be too much for them, but I noticed that they've been doing it. It's something that we really should be talking about anyway, But they're doing. Yeah. And that's the thing, right? Is we should have these talks, these hard talks with our children and involving our child. Even if you are not dealing with a narcissistic counter parent, you should still be having these discussions with your children so that your are aware as to what abuse looks like, right?

So that they can ultimately, prevention is always the best medicine. If you can avoid partnering with this type of person, your life is going to be so much easier. Which is why education is so key, which is I'm so passionate about this, why I make a really good guest at people's parties, because I literally, this is pretty much all I talk about, super fun. But I am so passion about it, right? Because I see what happens when people don't know what they're going into. And then next thing you know, they have children with this person, and that's an 18-year life sentence minimum.

That's the truth, right? So I'll ask because for someone that doesn't know about the word narcissist or someone who knows about it and it's overused, how do you identify what a narcissist is and how it can affect your relationship? Okay so the word is overused but I think like anything the pendulum swings right so five years ago nobody knew what a narcissist is and now everyone's jerk ex-husband or ex girlfriend is a narcissist right like he looks at you wrong or she looks that you're wrong oh my gosh they're narcissists.

So it is used but and so there is that to contend with but people who. Are really truly serious really do understand and this is just a label right there not being diagnosed because most narcissists will never go seek therapy like truth therapy if they do it's under the guise of pretending to be a woke man or a woman. trying to reel you back into their full pretend, right? So they're never vulnerable. So, they are never going to be diagnosed. They say, I think about 5% of the population is actually diagnosed as this, but the truth is, is that they were far more walking amongst us, and they where everywhere.

And really at their core is a lack of empathy. Right? It's the lack of empathy, the Lack of accountability, uh, The avoidance of everything they deflect and they project onto you. It is manipulation is the name of the game. So they manipulate and there's all these different sorts of tactics that they use. Uh, but at their core, they're incredibly fragile ego. And they manipulate people to keep them attached to them because they don't believe that people will stay if they do not do this. And so everything is a manipulation.

When they're kind to you it's manipulation, when they are not kind it is manipulation and so if people understand what this is and they can pay attention to the red flags, hopefully they could avoid partnering with us. That's the key. You just said something also that is overused, but it's the truth. Because red flags is the term. Yeah. People still don't take advantage of them. They say, oh, well, they have red legs, But I can change them! Yeah, or it is not applicable to me. Right, or you know that was just a one off, but there are red flags right and to avoid like really honestly to a void this type of person.

Most of the time, some people can take their time narcissists cannot maintain. They cannot maintained the curated facade right so when you first meet a narcissist. It's all about mirroring back what you're saying. So if you love vegan food, they love the good food. If you want 10 kids, They want ten kids.

Recognizing Red Flags in Relationships 10:20

Um, if your Christian, their Christian. if You want loyalty. They are so loyal. they will mirror back everything that you are saying so actually you falling in love with yourself. That's the truth. Right? And then what they do is they can't maintain this. So they cannot maintain the perfect curated facade of a person who really cares about you and is loving and charismatic. And so they tend to work very fast. So they tend to, you meet them on a Monday and by Friday you're their soulmate. I'm exaggerating for dramatic effect here.

Sometimes it does happen, but it's not uncommon for you to meet in May and be married by August and then with a baby by December. So I always tell people, take your time. Right? Partnering, having children, especially having. I mean, you can get out of a marriage, even though I do know of people who have been married for less than a year and it's taken them five years to divorce a narcissist. Right. With no children attached. So who you marry can make or break your life. It's like your biggest, longest job interview.

Take your time. Don't move in. Uh, ask for space, see them, but don't see him every day. Don't talk to them 20 times a day, uh, interview their friends and family. See how they listen, right? Don' divulge. Narcissists are really good at Intel mining. So don' devolve every deep, dark secret because they'll use those against you later, But ask them questions and listen to what they say. Hmm. Poor, poor Shantel, because guess what? I don't think people understand that is what the definition is coined to.

I think what people have to understand is those narcissists create children. Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. They groom children and it's typically the golden child. right, the child that is their favorite, you know, flavor of the week, and that can change at any time, right? That also creates a sense of urgency within children. But the golden child is a child who aligns most closely with that parent and who also presents a perfect facade to the outside world, right? Because image is everything to a narcissist, they are like a fondant cake.

They look beautiful on the inside, but they don't taste good. Fondant doesn't tastes delicious, it looks really pretty. Right? They're like that, rotten at the core. But to outside the world they can present as very charismatic, very loving. You have priests, you have Philanthropists, you have doctors, teachers, social workers, right? They present as whoever they want to present. Sometimes they're very charismatic, but not every narcissist is charismatic. We also have those covert, quiet, vulnerable ones, who are self-deprecating.

They're a little bit shyer. they are not grandiose. But whatever it is that they would like you to believe about them is what they will show. And those are the tips, you guys. Listen, because see what happens again, how Asus plays a role in this, again I will share. I had no clue that that was exactly what I went through. So of course I'ma laugh. And it's not just my past relationship. I'm just thinking about relationships in general. The, ooh, you look beautiful, baby. Or, oh, yeah, I want kids, too.

Oh, i'm going to travel out of town. Ah, or I am going do that. All of this sounds familiar to me. But that's the reason why it is important for us to understand our unresolved, unhealed trauma. That's where ACEs plays a role to because that awareness is key. So I have a few more questions and then I probably have few answers. I know you do because I love you. So here you are and you've been doing this for a long time. You made mention of you having your separated but you're not divorced yet. Congratulations.

What was your signs? What made you know that was it done? I had known for a long time that I wasn't in a happy marriage and I tried to leave several times. But every time I left he always changed just a little bit. Just enough to reel me back in. It was like a slippery slope. He would promise to do this, this and this. And that would happen maybe sometimes for a week.

How Narcissistic Parents Affect Children 15:00

But then he'd slide back into the behavior that I didn't want anymore. And I was crying myself to bed like six nights out of seven. I had two beautiful children and I wasn't isolated as most people are. And you shouldn't be married and lonely, right? But I have never felt so alone as when I was married. And that's the God honest truth. Um, and a couple of things happened. Uh, we were having like a family dinner and my parents were there and he was there. He said something to the effect of I. Was the least positive person he'd ever met.

So this out loud in front of my family and. My children. And one of the things that I do know about myself, it hasn't been gaslit from me, is that, I'm a very positive person. I am pathologically positive. If I can be in a pile of shit and I was like, oh, well, you know, It's gonna like help me grow. And so when he said this to me it was, like the first time that was I like wait a second, You either don't know me or you're trying to hurt me. It also helped that there was an audible gasp around the table.

Like everybody was What? Because it's so not who I am. And then it was a girlfriend who was like, what are you doing? What are doing with this person? Like, he's not a partner. He's like a delinquent roommate that shows up when it is convenient and is not there when is it not convenient. I was so mad at her. Defended my man. Worked so hard for the family. Gave it a week and let it percolate. She's really right. We were together, we were doing like a little errand together. He dropped off our daughter at a dance thing.

And I said, are we going to work on our relationship? And previously when I'd said this, he's like, oh yeah, yeah. Then the change happened temporarily. This time he was like no, let's not work it. I was, whoa, okay. So I think I learned. Mine was similar, but mine was I did not know that I can have children at all. I didn't. And I ended up getting pregnant. So it was like, wait, very religious. My father is a pastor, a preacher, or a reverend. and I was, like oh my God, this is the time from God.

It just blocked everything. And I'm so excited. I think we were not friends. It wasn't like that at all. He was the nice guy. No, I am not having with everybody, but he was a nice. And when I got pregnant, ignore him. It was about me. I was like, yeah, I'm having a baby. Oh my god, i'm so excited. And I think that's where it began for me because I wasn't more focused on the kid and it was, like well, let's try a relationship. and I said, okay. Well, it's going well. Of course it is going while I am pregnant.

i am happy. It is what it is. And then it was like, well, it's getting married. I'm like are you sure this is it? And I used to joke about it, you know, like. Are you you want to get married? Why? You know what I mean? All the vulnerable manipulative questions, I just went for them because I was so into having the kid more than anything. So I had no clue. Ignore red flags. Knew all of that. However, also had unresolved, unhealed trauma. So I avoided everything. And the awareness of ACES is what woke me all the way up, because when I started learning about it, understanding that umbrella, learning about household dysfunction.

It was something I had been looking for all of my life, dealing with the unresolved, unhealed trauma I've had with my parents divorcing. Surprise, surprise. So I'm trying to do whatever I can to make this relationship work because my parent's relationship didn't work, not even realizing from the beginning that that wasn't. I have to go through that struggle of Saying, okay, I got to take accountability for what I did to be honest, a lot of it was mine. I was happy for the kid. This kid is 18 years old now.

Yay. But the things that she has been through in regards to all of this. I have to make her aware. She has to know what's going on. Because for me, when I was growing up, I thought that the divorce was my fault. And I had to communicate with her. Communicate with my girls and let them know this wasn't their fault at all. So of course, being the psycho breaker, it's different. it's different. So I'm happy that there's ACES. I am happy there are those words, those key terms as an educator for them to understand and learn.

What do you say to someone that wants to take next steps? Because this is the thing. How does narcissists impact children? Oh my goodness, that is a poignant question. And that's actually the work that I do because, and this is where the legal system fails children and fails protective parents because the trauma, these children endure. We have to remember that abuse is so much more than a raised hand or a raise voice, right? Those are the obvious. That's like the obviously. Everyone knows that you don't hit, Right?

And if you hit that to abuse, everyone knows yelling and name calling typically, Is abusive right what they don't understand is the covert stuff the stuff that the manipulation is so subtle it's so insidious that. Even as adults, we don't know. And so many experts don t know, don' even acknowledge that this sort of stuff is actually abusive because it's the microaggressions on a daily basis, right? And these children, their A scores would be huge because they are living in toxic families. Right?

So when you're still partnered, all the children experience 100% of the time is abuse because even when it's good, right? When the abuser is in a good mood and they wake up and it is, you know, sunshiney and rainbows, everybody in the household is still walking on eggshells. Everybody is hyper alert and hyper vigilant because at any moment, the good time can be switched and is back to business as usual, and the Good Time is also manipulation. truly this is the thing narcissists do not give without taking so anything they give you any modicum of happiness any gift be it a physical gift like an actual gift or just their affection or time there's always strings attached and it's typically because you've done something that makes them happy right

Personal Divorce Stories and ACEs Awareness 22:00

so it is transactional so children in these families learn that love And I hate to use this word because I don't actually believe that love and abuse can coexist, but they believe, they grow up to believe love is transactional. So when children are now raised in two households, which can be an ace, right? There's now two homes divorces on the ace score, At least when you have two homes, one of which is 100% toxic and the other is a healing home with a protective parent who's trying their best to instill good values and morals and create a safe haven for their children, at least in this one home.

Children have a chance at seeing what healthy looks like see what love actually looks, like feels like and sounds like right because they're not getting that in their other home. But it's very the torment that these children are under the the mental manipulation that they have to endure every single narcissistic counter parent. will always try to turn their children against their protective parent. I'm not making this up. It's every single one. Sometimes it's very covert. it doesn't look like a lot, but they always disparage the other parent, and it can be very simple things.It doesn t have to be like, oh, your mom or your dad sucks, right?

You can't like them. They're the reason this family broke up, it could be, like I m so sorry that your Mom or Dad doesn' t take care of you the way that I do. And now you've planted a seed of doubt in the child's mind. Oh, so is my parent not okay? Am I not safe when I go to that parent's house? One instance could just be like a bad day, but it's never just one instance. And it is typically hundreds of these instances in a daily, weekly, monthly basis that add up. So every time this child has to engage with this parent, they're being traumatized.

Right and they their little nervous systems are completely dysregulated because every time you you have to engage with an abuser your your nervous system, you know is in fight flight freezer fun. And you literally come back to your protective parent and you're completely just regulated, which is why so many protective parents when they have their transitions their kids are a mess. and they're pulling their hair out going, I'm the worst parent. My child is so misbehaved with me. They're rude and their belligerent.

And they swear at me, sometimes they, you know, they slam the doors and then go into their room where they are fighting with each other. That's because they can't be themselves in the other home and there are completely dysregulated and come back to you and you help them co-regulate, right? Your nervous system, this is why self-care is important for protective parents because you yourself, your physical presence helps your children regulate. Come on. I'm listening. Yes, yes. So this is how abuse affects children, right?

And it affects them at their core. And this the damage that the worldwide family court system does. Because truthfully, even though it's a different ace, being abandoned by a parent is a whole other trauma. The trauma that an active narcissistic parent does to a child is I believe so much more damaging than a I must have to come up with something for 2025 because you feeding. I think it's so important. Because this is how we're going to help. You said all the key time self care. Number one, we can do this, you guys.

Education is key, I promise. You're putting yourself in situations when you think of, oh, well, let's not ignore the red flags or, Oh, this is not going to have an effect on my children. It will, it will affect even if you stay. So let us be clear. If you leave, It's going affect if, you say it's, going, to affect. so it wouldn't matter while I'm staying. Oh I think it is the best thing and I am going stay for this abuse. Its going happen with or without, with the parent, without the parents. So understand you guys, being around a narcissist, it does have an impact on children.

That will lead to adverse childhood experiences. What happens is those adverse child experiences turn into adult experiences, which is the reason why, again, when I was younger, that unresolved childhood trauma came into my relationship. somebody has to be the person to break the cycle.

Healing, Co-Parenting, and Private Coaching 26:45

So that's why we are here, you guys. Now I will share with you, guys, You can co-parent with the narcissist and I'm going to tell you it can happen. I know someone that can help you. She's looking dead at you! Her name is Shantel. And I'll tell, I actually like the private coaching program that you have. And I did my research, of course, you know, I'm a researcher, and I do my own research. I like it. Can you explain it to people so they can understand and know? Because I am actually interested.

The private coaching program? Okay, so my private program is for parents who want more. They want the connection that private offers. So it's eight weeks. And what it really does is it's tailored specifically to your unique situation your issues right so depending on your ex depending how many children you have where you live in the world. the support systems you have, right? So I tailor my coaching specifically to what you need. For some parents, that's trying to navigate a child who no longer wants to come back to them because they've been turned against them, for other parents it's helping their children learn what this is without disparaging the other parent because that is a big thing.

I don't believe in disparging the parent despite the fact that this parent deserves that. your child has to come to that on their own. Our job is to educate our children so that we can empower them as well. And that always starts with the parents. So when we're educated, empowered, we naturally show up as educated and empowered parents who then can educate and empower children. If you're not educated you can't educate your children, if you don't feel empowered you cannot empower your kids. Everything that you say is somewhat effective, but it's us leading us modeling what we want our children to learn.

So I can say don't smoke. But if I'm saying that while I am smoking my cigarette, right, like it is not going to be as effective as me leading a healthy life, and me exercising, taking care of my body. program is to help parents really understand what they're dealing with and to anticipate what's going to happen so that they can mitigate the effects on both themselves and their children because everything comes back to the parent. If you're broken, you can't help your children. You can't be there for your children.

If you are exhausted, you cannot be responsive. You're going to be reactive with your child and also your ex, and that's just going stoke fire, right? So if you're healing, if your taking care of yourself, If your educating yourself you, are the foundation. Everything comes from you. So when you taking of your self you show up better across the board for yourself. For your peers, your colleagues, friends, family and most importantly your Children. And that all over here. And you are aware of ACEs.

You are awareness of its effects. I love that you talked about it, messing with our nervous systems and things of that nature. That's the reason why I'm trying to get the term back out there. It's a term that has been used. We just don't use it often. And I think in the black community, we don' use that often because we're afraid of therapy. encourage coaching, I encourage talking to people like us. I am a dissertation coach, which is interesting. But people don't know that me being a first-generation high school graduate turned doctor, nobody to this day asks me about my brother.

Let's be clear. I can't, when I'm doing, um, speaking engagements and it's, you know, Dr. Tory, the first generation, but do you my story for real? And I, it depends on where I met when, I had that conversation where people can understand my passion too, for going and understanding and educating people on ASIS. So let's be clear. I adore you because. You make it so normal to have this conversation about addressing the co-parenting, the narcissistic, they helping out the children. You're a whole total package.

I appreciate you so much. So let me ask one more good question for someone with ACEs that understands this now. How can they understand ACE's? and help themselves heal from this. Oh, that's a good one. Well, first they have to understand. So they already have that piece, right? And then they had to connect with the right people. Right. This is so imperative. It's one thing to read about something. I can read all the exercises it's going to take to get toned body and to eat right. Most people can't do things on their own they can just read something and then implement the action that they read right most people need an expert to help guide them so truthfully coaching therapy this is really imperative right this really gonna help expedite your healing journey.

And what you invest in yourself really does have a ripple effect on those around you not only for yourself and it should really be for your self right we should stop doing things for other people yes our children are amazing but we shouldn't you things because It's good for us right feeds our soul. It helps us lead a better, happier, healthier life. But then from that again, everybody around us, right? Just like a narcissist impacts everybody that they come in contact with when you are healing and you're never going to be fully healed.

This is a journey, and healing is not linear, it's forward and back. The impact you have on everybody around you can really be felt and seen, right? Because you're calmer, you are happier, more confident. You make better choices based on what you know versus what don't know. I hate the word ignorance because it sounds like you aren't very educated, but sometimes you just don t know! right you don't know because you've not been taught and that's not because of you being bad it's just it wasn't part of your thing like i didn't even know

Using ACEs Awareness to Heal and Educate 33:05

that this was even a thing i Didn't, know, that narcissism was a. Thing right i couldn't i? Didn' understand this until somebody told me in downward dog at yoga hey have you heard about narcissus and i was like no right well hello that was my hallelujah moment and It's been a deep dive ever since, right? So this is why having conversations, this why things like this podcast, Instagram, all this stuff, education at your fingertips, free education, resources, why people should be listening, talking, and it's not just people who feel like they're in need.

It's when you're educated, you can help those around you. You can better understand, like children, poor kids, right? These poor, kids who are dysregulated, go into classroom and then are forced to learn. How can a child who hasn't been fed, who just witnessed their mom being beaten or, whatever it is, how can they possibly show up as their best selves in a classroom? Right? Yeah. So this is why education is so key. This is what people do to connect. People need to talk. Talk, talk, I'm a talker.

I could talk all day long. Um, so yeah. Because this what this people don't understand and know. Okay, one more good question. Knowing your awareness of ACEs and all of the experience you have, Did your new awareness of ACEs help your practice and help you professionally and personally, or did it hurt you? It helped me. Interesting. And how do I set this off camera before we started, but I only know about ACE's because of you, right? So what you're doing is working. Yes. Thank you. Like it really is, working because yes, I think this term has been around since 1977, Like how many people, like you put 10 people in a room.

How many are going to be able to actually talk about adverse childhood experiences and understand what that actually means. Um, very few. Right. So this is why what you're doing is so imperative, right? Because it also helps to educate educators. I'm an educator, but it doesn't mean that my education stops just cause I've been educating people on this, Right? Like my knowledge was stunted until I stumbled upon, I think it was your Instagram. And then your podcast right so then you opened up my eyes, I was like oh that's a new piece of the puzzle that I can incorporate into what I do.

Everything like this is why you've been saying I haven't been able to get a word and Ed wise that way because you come up with a question after you like compliment me, but I also love you and I love what you're doing and i love that you stand for and love how fierce and powerful you are and how passionate you. about spreading the word and helping people. I relate to that a lot. But I think that you, yeah, so the love is mutual. Thank you. This conference is so important to me. And I let the people know we do have a lotta speakers, I'm not gonna say that we don't, but I am blessed.

So I started doing the book launch that turned into a three-city book that turned into this conference because the people from the podcast are people like you. They are experts, they're educators, their doctors, therapist. I've done research, I have done a bunch of stuff and so we're meeting. We have to do this again because people need to hear from you, not just in this podcast. You will love the community. that are already your friends on Instagram, I'm telling you now, once we start doing a collective and getting more people available, we can do this self-care on our own.

I have not been in the political ploy of things here recently. But I know for a fact I am watching as things are starting to shut down. and medical health, these type of things, self-care is going to be more than important for us right now. And we're going have to get with those people that know that content, that knowledge to help us heal, because they're about to start shutting down things. Right now, if we start to shutting them down, our bodies are going start shut down. Everything's going shut them, and I think awareness is helping us, period.

So I'm letting you know I thank you I love you you're stuck with me and you and, you, know that, but please let people know where they can find you. Well you can't find me. I want Instagram and Facebook and tick tock, mostly on Instagram is my favorite platform. Right? But it just feeds off into Facebook, no offense to Facebook. And TikTok, I'm just starting, my girlfriend's like, you need to spread. You can't just be in one, all your eggs in a little basket.

Conference, Resources, and Closing Remarks 38:05

But you can also find me on my website, shantelcontarinuscoaching.com and on Instagram at shantalcontrinus coaching. So that's my handle. You all will see us together again. Trust me, because again, this movement is not something we're doing. you can feel your passion as you talk about it. Just even when you post or when have these discussions in the interaction with the people, they are ready. I am one of those people you guys, I've been heavy on it because I can't just be out here advocating and not doing anything.

So shout out to my coaches. who have been instrumental in my healing. Somebody told me I was glowing. I am, but I feel so happy because I made decisions that not understanding and not educating, I thought was not the right thing. It was hurting. But I know more and more as I go through this healing journey, how I'm helping not just myself, from my daughter's heal and that's what psycho breakers do. So I got to give you your props. Thank you so much for being here. You guys, You have her information.

You will be seeing us together. Y'all know me. It's Dr. Victorious. I'm everywhere. No, I am not. On LinkedIn. Instagram is my favorite, too. Of course, Instagram feeds into Facebook, like you said. And I haven't been. So I do the dancing, surprisingly. But I haven't been here recently just because I've been planning and doing some things and I'm taking this step out just so I'll share with you to be a mom. to my senior, the one that I was telling you about, just to see her full swing, 18 years old, The one who changed my life.

Absolutely, because she earned it. She deserves it, I definitely want to be there for her because I also understand my inner child did not have that. So I'm helping myself feel this way too. Thank you, you're more than a blessing. And thank you, honestly, that like the feeling is very mutual, as you know, and anytime you want to collaborate, you now I'm here for it. And I do like you are such a powerhouse and what you're doing is really changing lives. Right. Thank you. I'm so excited again. This conference is going to be the game changer.

You know, I wish I would have gave people a little bit more time for people to come, but I know now me planning and doing what I am doing, have to do it again, so of course I'll extend that invitation to you ahead of time so we can get together, reunite, do what we need to in order to change this environment and help our mental health community. So you guys, you can buy my book everywhere. It's on Amazon. It is on my website. If you want a personalized copy, bevictorious.com. And you all get ready for our ACES International Awareness Conference in Chicago at the DoubleTree Hilton, April 23rd through the 25th at The Double Tree Hilton in Ausp.

Thank you again for another wonderful episode of Be Victorious! We'll talk to you soon. Bye-bye, you guys.