Be VicTORIEus Ep. 70

Book Announcement and ACEs Introduction 0:00

Hey, you guys, it's me, Dr. Tori. My book is officially out. And yes, It is time to talk about ACEs. You guys can find the books everywhere. However, I would encourage you, guys to go to my website, bevictorious.com and place your order today. Yes. It's time. To talk. About ACE's. Let's go, y'all. Hello. Hello, you guys. Welcome to a series we are deciding to do. You know, this podcast is three years old and it has been used as an educational tool worldwide, which is the reason why We just came from our ACES international awareness conference.

Awareness, community, and empowerment is what we do. And it is my pleasure to introduce to some, but reintroduced to the world. LP, let me tell you guys, if you all don't know, Mr. Number 15 on the podcast. L.P. is actually one of the first people that I have mentored. And look at what he has done. Where are you? What's going on? You will have to understand, I have been using this podcast as an educational tool and this is what I do. We together have being educating people for the past three years.

LP was one of my originators.

Introducing LP and His Podcast 1:57

He was number 15, so let's be clear. I will let you all know how this goes. LP has already been doing this. So what happened was I was a guest on his podcast first, and he was one of the big inspirations by going and trying to get people to me out there because he so amazed by my podcast that I did three podcasts on this podcast. Tell us about your podcast, LP. Greetings, everybody. Thank you, Dr. Torrey, as always. And my wife, Mrs. LP, as everybody calls her, we created a podcast through our company.

The podcast is entitled, excuse me, Trigger Wanted Talk Podcast. It's all four words, trigger, want and talk, podcast. You can stream it, audio or video on pretty much any platform. Or you can watch them on Spotify and our YouTube channel, which is our name. But the purpose of the podcast was twofold. One I wanted to do a podcast for a long time and two I want to talk about things that most people don't talk in one podcast. So we cover five topics. We cover sexually based offenses, human and sex trafficking, true crime, missing persons, and domestic violence.

Now all of those conversations that we have, we always end with a missing person case. And most of those cases are black and brown folks because we want to bring more media attention to that. The other thing that I will add to why we created this podcast is because I'm a retired paramedic and firefighter and those issues that i just named that will talk about We don't get a lot of training, probably any on those and we respond to those calls all the time. And so when I was looking through podcast world, you know, there's podcast on domestic violence or on sexual offenses or trafficking.

but they're just single in and of themselves. Nobody has a podcast that covers all of those from a first responders perspective also. So that's why we wanted to talk to the public and we interviewed people like yourself who deals with adverse childhood experiences because That plays a part in domestic violence, that plays the part, in sexual based offenses, it plays part absolutely in human and sex trafficking. It is a true crime topic that I want to, with your assistance, approach it from a True Crime perspective.

And there's many, many missing persons because of their ACEs. So that's the correlation between you and I where you're the foremost expert that I know of. And I've been seeing so many more people engage in conversations about ACEs because of the work that you are doing, the word that have done, that work you and I are gonna continue to do, as well as the CDC giving it more props and giving out more information about ASIS is really becoming more of a mainstream conversation, which is the goal. And that's the reason why we had a book because the book is good and the books works.

So let's be clear. We had to have this series. I think what I enjoy the most is when I put it out there, you was the first person to sign up because respectfully, so you should. People really want to know about our community. We have built this wonderful community, I have to say we because you are a part of this community I actually met Albert through you. And what people don't understand and know is that's what we need awareness, community and empowerment. That's, what's going to help us get more of an awareness of ACEs out there.

and we're doing that right now. I love Mrs. LP.I always shout her out. She's been amazing. It's even like I was letting, you know, my producer know it's becoming more of a resource, really, which is the reason why you helped me come up with this wonderful idea of Be Victoria's Foundation, because this is what we need to do. We don't need I'm willing to work and have a conversation with everybody. I really love how you use the ACES quiz when you're doing your work. So we're not just only talking about ACEs, we are living it.

This is what we doing. We're the superheroes out here. we the ones that are having a conversations. so I have to thank you so much for doing that because you have been one of the main people that have helped me do this.

Why ACEs Matter in First Response Work 7:00

Again, thank You. Let's get to it! What have you been doing? This year has been very trying for me. I lost my grandmother who turned 93 the day after her birthday, February 17th is her birth day and the next day she died in the sleep in her nursing home. But you know, hey, grandma let her be 93 and she's died of her sleep. Look, sign me up for that. That caused a number of fallouts in my family. Uh, primarily, uh, based on my previous relationship with my ace wife, because she showed up and my grandmother did not like her.

There was a whole bunch of reasons why she didn't like hers. Some of it had to do with aces that even affected the children who were there, you know, our, cause we have six children together. And so dealing with that fallout and then I got pneumonia. right before the conference. And I had a poor refusal. Now I'm 54. So this is the first time I ever got pneumonia and all that. I felt like somebody cracked me in the ribs and I have to take up work for a while. It was just a whole bunch of stuff that happened all in one span of time.

Yeah. Speaking of aces, so you know, I've been talking to you about my daughter Lucy, who is our youngest child, 18 on Christmas. Well, last year, i started the process of getting her here in North Carolina with us, because she and her mom had fallen out over the last four years. When I allow her to go back to live with her. And so That ended up collapsing like I just end up closing the case out after a year and a couple months and it just seemed like the court was not vibing on. making this situation the best for Lucy and our family and different things like that.

So let me put up, let, me, put a pause in it real quick for you guys. I have, um, my license, I work in special education, been in Special Education. And so Larry also uses me as a tool, as the research to help services. Again, it's be victorious foundation because we do a lot. Now you can go back. That's what we're talking about. Thank you for that. Oh, yeah. So we wanted to get Lucy here because she's just finishing her junior year to continue school. And my ex-wife had been keeping her from me for the last four years.

Even though we had moved, she was violating the court order. We were fighting for all of this stuff or whatever. It just culminated into us literally spending tens of thousands of dollars on legal fees to end up having nothing. Oh, and I hate to hear that, but I got to give you your credit because you did what you needed to do to advocate for. And that's what was supposed to be doing. Remember, she came into. So this is how ever came to the picture because Albert is not only an attorney, He's a guardian at Lightham.

So I had a gardener because we're all from, you know, You, myself, Albert, we were born and raised. And he's in, he is in Jeff City. I'm from St. Louis. You're from KC. West, central, eastern part of the state. He represented us at this conference let's be clear. I saw all those videos I'm telling you I wish I was there and I tell you it ain't gonna happen again. So Albert was very instrumental in giving me a lot of counsel pro bono also because he was not he didn't represent me so for clarity purposes.

He gave me a lot of information that I used to help in this situation because it directly affected my daughter because she's only 17. She's still dealing with the adverse childhood experiences post divorce because her mom and I got divorced in 2013 and just this back and forth with a co-parenting or like thereof because And so when I talked to you before, before we did our three part series, talking about talking, about ACEs, we talked about your story. We talked everything about ACES and then the modalities.

I applied all of that, Dr. Torrey, in these last few months. You and I haven't really talked because I've been all over the place. Yeah, I'm juggling all these balls in my life. And I might I'm 54 years old. I still dealing with ACEs because I found out stuff about my own childhood from my mom. Because I was raised in a single parent household in St. Louis. My dad lived no more than 30 minutes away from me. And I told you my story before where he ghosted me at the age of nine. But I never saw him again after that.

So I am finding out more information about him because remember I everything I know about my biological dad, peace be upon his eternal soul forevermore, because I hated him for years. So I turned 30. Everything I knew about this man, I'd know from somebody else. I don't know anything about My dad directly from him. And really, i would say indirectly because he never had a journal, or nobody's presented one to me. i know his his widow. a album, a hard copy album that a cousin of mine on my dad's side did, because we do family reunions every two years.

Family Loss, Custody Stress, and Personal ACEs 13:00

And he has a picture in there. I know more about, and I was talking to Mrs. L.P. about this, cause I told her, I said, you're gonna interview me today again. You know what? Dr. Tory is going to interview me today. I'm glad to get into this ACEs stuff. We got to make it to where people understand that what we're doing, we are normalizing behaviors that we don't need to. And I am listening to you tell your story. You know what I mean? Because this is what am doing. Am telling you, I know more about everybody in this family It's like a hard copy of our ancestry on my dad's side, my paternal side.

I know more about everybody in that book than I do him. And I was sitting there, I said, You're going to love this because you got to interview Mrs. L.P. too. Because she got a very similar story. She was adopted at Byrd. she's biracial, she has a white mom, and she is a black dad. Everybody on her mom's side, She had found everybody on our dad's, except for her dad until a few months ago. So we're kind of dealing with that stuff or whatever. And I'm telling you she knew more about everybody else in her family.

I talk about going back hundreds of years. And I said, it is so crazy how we, she's 47, I'm 54, that we're still dealing with the fallout of the adverse childhood experiences about our fathers that are no longer here, they did not raise us. Her biological dad didn't raise her, nor did her biological mom, but she was adopted at birth. And then I was just like, wow, Let's talk about some of these things that we have in common because we're still dealing with ACEs. So I don't care how old you are, I care where you live, how you vote, what you believe in or lack thereof, or how much education or like there of that you have.

ACE affects you from birth to death. Come on LP, preach. Let us talk. I'm just saying the book is called Let's Talk About Aces. Do not give me hype up in here because these are the conversations that we need to be having. I told Marv, I said, LP didn't make it. I don't know what happened. But I'm telling you, it had to be something. Because I know for a fact LP was coming. LP is supposed to do exactly what you're doing right now. So thank you. That's what people need to understand and know. This is going to have an effect on you.

We all have it, you guys. You all need to pinpoint on it. Understand what it is. That's the reason why I started off with chapter one being understanding your generational trauma. If you don't understand it it's going have impact. And you just explained it thank you so much. What a great lesson. Because that's what this is, I thank for sharing. I'm glad you're smiling Raymond. You know why? Because I'm in tears. I know you are! Here's why, in part. And this is the other part, because I had to shut, I have to kind of shut down, you know, and I Had a big falling out with my mom and this was right after the funeral.

Mm hmm. and i went to St. Louis to help bury my grandma and, i didn't take out the family, me and Mrs. L.P. we drove I said, I'm only going to be here for the funeral and then we're leaving. And that's exactly what happened because of all of these aces and stuff. The things that, again, that I found out from my mom and from family and some of this other issues and you know, they always say funerals and weddings, you find out who people really are. Yeah. That was thrown at me from some other family members.

I would say Dr. Tori, I got more relatives than I've got family. Heard me say that. I have more relative than have family, and that's unfortunate. You don't want it to be like that, I want a symbiotic relationship with family and friends and people like, that I feel like in a lot of ways, you're a sister to me than my own biological sister. Like I can't tell you the last time I had a conversation with them. And you know what Dr. Torrey, ain't nobody blocked. Right, right. I feel you on that. It's crazy because these are the conversations that I have and I Our podcast, we've been out here, We've gotten to know each other, but I think it's time for our podcast to turn into this direction to let people know, I didn't know you at all.

We bonded off of the strength of understanding ACEs. However, the stories people need to understand and know exactly what this is for them to understanding. I hate to hear that you went through this. But what I am going to address that, you might not know is the fact that she went down there for the common purpose of bearing your grandmother. You placed your boundaries and you left good for you. And I'm only telling you this because as someone that has aces as well. I don't hire my acers. We have to do what we need to address it and understand it.

So I understand that you might be But the awareness is the reason why you protected yourself and Mrs. LP placed your boundaries and you got out there and left. Congratulations. Because a lot of us would have just endured it. We would've just understood, hey, let me and then stay. I was, okay. So I'll share with you. I actually haven't shared with people at all. Just share it with my producer. And I end up having seizures on the way back and I know it had a lot to do with the stress. But when I tell you I knew that medicine, I know what I needed to do and I didn't do my part.

You know, it's taken me a minute to get back together. I'm together and good. But I am telling you that awareness is everything. That awareness got you where you are now. So you have to understand while we're understanding and learning and healing, that's a part of your healing. I was broken and I told my mom this. I said, Mom, I'm broken. She was like, what do you mean? I say, i'm broke. All of this stuff with Lucy and his court case and this, you know, the fallout from the death of my grandma.

And everything that we're dealing with, yesterday my nephew graduated from one of the local high schools here. He lived in Missouri and he's actually the blood nephew of my ex-wife. And so we were dealing his aces, because I got him out of that situation. It was about, he was doing some suicidal ideation texts, texting with me. And so we got him here on Halloween of last year, and he just graduated high school. And I'm telling you, I didn't want that young man, he's 18 now, to deal with any more ACEs.

I say everything on the other side, because we live in North Carolina, everything they experience on other sides of the Mississippi, is You don't have to deal with that stuff no more, okay? You're always going to have ACEs. It doesn't matter how old you are. How can I, as someone who loves you, who is treating you like family, not just a relative, how can Mrs. LP help you? What can we do to help yourself? Think that. how we can help to yourself because I got a whole family that can be your family.

That's not blood. like Dr. Tory. That's right. Like Leah, who's a childhood domestic violence. My girl. You know, like Albert who went through even way more. His siblings, you know his siblings are my siblings now because we did that a sibling bond series on the podcast and so Dr Tory I want to thank you so much for being a hub. Thank you. So much. You are the hub that we all have an attachment to. Yeah, I think it's kind of cool. We've really built the community and I really, really appreciate it.

I do. And I think that's the reason why, you know, I was telling my producer who is a board member. So he is, also behind Be Victoria's foundation.

Healing, Boundaries, and Community Support 23:00

That's what we're doing. And he's well aware that we have created this wonderful community and this is what has been going on. So I think it is nothing but God that you were the first person to do this. You know Francine was actually there. I'll put you and Francene together. And Francine represented Honey when she went to that conference. Like I said, it was never worse. You know, oh my God, I knew there was something going on because we communicate already. And so that's the reason why we did the conference, we had this conversation.

People have to understand and know there were a lot of people that because of life could not attend, trust and believe me. But you're never not going to be nothing but family to me because what we have done and what help create, implement, you have to pat yourself on the back for that. You do know you had to do that class though because they also wanted that CPR training. They wanted it. If you all are not aware, L.P. is a... He could teach you from anywhere. This is what he does. He is certified.

And so he can actually certify you from any place in the United States. So, if you are looking for a speaker, If you're looking someone that cannot just only educate you on ACEs because I know he actually can certifies you in CPR, he's the one. We also, this is what we consider community. we have to start doing that for each other you guys because if we don't But look at what we've created here. So yeah, it's a community. It's family. This is what are doing. And I have to thank you. Anything, because we had this, I like actually the way that this went.

But is there anything you want to say to our guests, to anybody else that wants to know about ACEs? What would you like to share? I should have said trigger warning earlier. However, if you're triggered at any point throughout this interview and you need help immediately as a retired first responder, I'm going to tell you, call 911 immediately, okay? If you are not triggered immediately where you Call 988. That's the Suicide and Crisis Hotline. It's available 24-7 here in the United States. Its toll free.

They have all kinds of resources available for you. If you want more information about ACEs, you can buy the book. Okay, it's time to talk about adverse childhood experiences by Dr. Torrie McDonnell Williams. I got an autographed copy right here. That's right. And you can get it off of my bvictorious.com. You can go and get yours too. Let's go. I'm doing my promo for you. appreciate it. Go to the B Victorious Foundation. You can get merch. Okay, you can. This is merch, okay? This ain't no AI. okay.

go to B Victoria's B victorious.com. She got all kinds of social media. All you gotta do is look up doctor victorious and his doctor B I C T O R I E U S. Let's go. Don't get it twisted. let me tell you something. Everything that we do, and I'm talking about Dr. Torrey is merit based. Everything we that do is a merit-based, okay? Degree, license, certificate, educated, everything. She does not have an honorary doctorate. Oh! It's an earned doctorate, okay? Now, she may get some honorary doctorates, but her first doctor was earned, baby doll.

Yes, it is. With some respect on her name, is doctor. It is called research. This is my mentee, let's be clear. And I think that's the reason why I love the Victoria's Foundation because, of course, I have younger mentees. But since I've been out here for you guys, educating the world internationally, About ACES, I have a lot of ACEs ambassadors, so LP is one of my ACes ambassadors. One of the first. And again, i want to tell you thank you so much. I thank for the update. i think you actually just changed the tone of how we're going to do the where they are now.

I think we just need to have the conversation. We just needs to talk about ACEs. Because I that's what listeners are actually going be looking forward to. And just so you know, I have been requested. You know I'm on TikTok. But I got off of TikTok because I keep the politics to myself. Yeah, but I've actually gotten a request and I will be on there co-hosting with someone. So I think that's something that I would actually like to consider coming back on TikTok is doing this and us continuing to have conversations like once a month.

I Think that'd be cool. Absolutely. Here's what I'll say in closing in part. I don't do the politics, okay, but I'll talk to people about that and you are more than free to express whatever you wanna express. When I teach, I talk from a merit-based. Okay, you don' wanna say DEI or DEIs, illegal and all that stuff. All right, what's the verbiage that you prefer? Oh, merit based. I got a three ring binder full of certs and kind of stuff and working on my second one. we can have the kind of, it's just like when we talk about character, I'm like Stephen A Smith, you want to talk to about characters, give me the time, the place and the date and I'll be there.

And that's what I have to let people know, I had people, have been mentoring people. If you need people to talk about ACES, it's more people out there besides me. And I always recommend him. I will always recommended Fran. It's so many others that I can recommend now to have these conversations. Let's go LP. So we're going to keep, you can call it whatever you want to call. you like merit-based? I absolutely love merit based. I have no problem, you know, and that's a whole nother conversation I'm putting out your podcast because we did four, I only got three out.

i'm working on yours this weekend. Okay. But if you want to talk about whatever, it could be politics, could it be religion, whatever. We all want it to be merit base. we all wanna be not ignorant on the subject matters that we or dealing with in our lives. Yeah, a lot of this stuff as a correlation to aces politics, you can talk about what did you learn about when did. You learn. About politics when I was a little kid at home where I. Was in an urban suburban or rural environment, what do you. Learn about religion same.

But where did you learn about fill in the blank? And it's going to be starting from when you was knee high to a grasshopper. All that is your aces because depending on who your teacher was or who talked to you or how whom all talk to, you. It could be some adverse stuff going on, and that's where we as educators, we, as podcasters. Yep. We as merit-based professionals. Correct. Who earned every degree, license, and certification that we have. And we represent the show meets state. That's right.

Resources, Contact Info, and Closing Remarks 31:00

Show me, baby. I don't put my people in St. Louis who are recovering from the tornado that hit. Yes, I actually have some information that I'm putting out about natural disasters. But we'll talk about that. That is actually something that people don' realize is officially adverse childhood experiences now. And don''t forget, your brother is a certified FEMA. While I was the first responder, I'm working on becoming an emergency manager now. So I still earn a service again. Everything that we do is married based.

Listen to this. I'm always throwing it back to you. Let me tell you something. This is the reason why I came up with this theme of us being superheroes. I think people need to know us cycle breakers. this is who we are and what we do. So I am going to end with. If you were a cycle breaker that you are, If you were a superhero character, who would you be and why? I'll start with mine first. No, yeah, you go ahead. Okay. Great. I always say, well, it just really depends on the day, let's be clear.

But I like Wonder Woman. I think of Linda Carter, she was normal. She came up, did her thing, but when she came out, She was everything. So I'll always put Wonder woman for me, because as you see, I'm all over the place doing everything I look at myself more as the Batman character. Okay. And I, and I say that because here's an ordinary guy who did some extraordinary things without having superpowers. I respect. Okay, remember when I interviewed you, I showed you that plaque that I have that is LP and wish I had it in the room here.

It's a plaque with the EMS Star of Life. And it's a wooden plaque and it says, all superheroes don't wear capes. Exactly. That's why I came up with the idea. Just so you know, I have been talking about us being superheroes ever since, because I just admire how you really, you don' hide your respect. And I appreciate it. You know what I mean? You when you have ACES, every now and again, it' like you kind of question it, but You have always called me a superhero. You've always call me your mentor.

you've Always supported me and I really appreciate that. So on that note, I want to tell you guys This is what we have done. This isn't scripted This Is us and this is What I love about understanding aces. this Is the reason why god placed me in this position to do this full-time because Having this conversation, having this talk can have a huge impact on your life. So I thank you again, LP, for being here. You guys will see, of course, much more of us. We have really built a community here, I have built really a mentorship here I've really build a foundation.

we are doing this internationally and we're having a conversation. Thank you guys so much. LP let people know where they can find you. You can find me on IG, two places, LP Fire Medic. You Can find the also at Pinton underscore pending underscore CS for consulting solutions. But if you go to LP fire medic on my IG there are links on there. Our podcast is on YouTube. It's under our company name Pending Consultant Solutions LLC. The podcast it's called Trigger Wanting Talk Podcast. All four words, Trigor Want to Talk podcast.

We have over 85 episodes. Again, this weekend, I'm going to be putting out Dr. Torrey and I, our series on everything about ACEs. This will be part four. You can find it on all your streaming platforms. You could watch it again on our YouTube channel as well as Spotify. Everywhere that you get your podcast, you can listen to us and even especially the big ones like I Heart Radio and just Audible and Amazon Music. Dr. Torrey, we have a website, it's called PinsonPending.com, and there's all the services.

We're a consulting company. we do business consulting and emergency medical training. I'm a tactical EMS consultant. So all of the stuff that I do for the Red Cross, the Heart Association, The Health and Safety Institute, all that information is on the website. And please reach out to us, PintonPening.Com. will help you with all your consultant needs and training needs. We travel all across the US from Carolina to California. Help you out. And I would like to request if I can get your have your permission to get a resource hub started on my website.

Absolutely. I would love that because I think people need to know who you are and the things that you're really, really doing in a community. If we're going to do this, let's do it out of the way. And I'd think that that would be a good start. You know it took wild horses to keep me coming to Chicago. I know you. So I knew, I promise you, that I was not worried. When I put this out here publicly, when I did not see, it was like it cannot be money because I didn't know that was an issue or discussion.

Something had to happen. It was a lot of people that did show. And of course that is expected. But when it comes to you it's never a question in my mind. So thank you for taking time out of your schedule to do the Where Are You Now and just really let people know authentically who we are and what we do for real. Because when we're conversing, this is us. So we just started something right here. OK, you guys, y'all know where to find me. Y'all heard the promos, y'al heard where are you now? We 100% will hear, and this is what I love.

So tune in, you guys. You'll see more people that are going to join, And we're going continue to have this conversation. Any questions? You all know how to reach us. I'm Dr. Victoria's Everywhere. And I look forward to seeing you, guys, next time. Talk to you guy later. Bye-bye, You guys!