Be VicTORIEus Ep. 76

Book Launch and ACEs Introduction 0:00

Hey, you guys, it's me, Dr. Tori. My book is officially out. And yes, It is time to talk about ACEs. You guys can find the books everywhere. However, I would encourage you, guys to go to my website, bevictorious.com and place your order today. Yes. It's time. To talk. About ACE's. Let's go, y'all. Hello. hello you guys welcome to another episode of be victorious you all know who i am it's dr tory also known as dr victorius because i create victory in people and it's been working. It's my pleasure to have this Psycho Breaker series because the guests that have been on here have An amazing episode.

Introducing the Cycle Breaker Conversation 1:12

You know why? Because she is mine. My firstborn, the one who made me who I am today. She is a cycle breaker within herself. And I had to share that because you guys got to understand the level of enthusiasm is on 10 for me. So Kermari, what are you? Hello. Hi. My mom. Oh, gosh. But you know what? The crazy thing is this is me all the time, 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Love you. So at the end of the day I understand you guys. She is the cycle breaker. Thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule, as a lot of people may not know, to have this interview.

So Karmari, what is your definition of a cycle breaker? Someone who doesn't continue generational traumas in simple words. Okay. And so how would you describe your journey as a Cycle Breaker? How would I describe my journey Do you know what cycle breaking is, but do you embrace yourself as a cycle breaker? In some ways, I guess. I don't know. Don't feel like I necessarily need to like express myself in a psycho breaking way or like a generational trauma breaker way. It's different from what anybody else has done.

You are unique and you are one of a kind. You're a blessing. And I have shared this for the ones that know my journey. I never hide. She is the person that actually really changed my life. There are people that have been here through stages. For the one's who met me as Dr. Victorious, she is that reason. Did not know that I can have children and here she 18 years later, graduating. We are headed to orientation for college. So you have to understand this level of excitement is nothing but a blessing for me.

That's the reason why I asked because again, I'm a cycle breaker, but you also know what cycle breaking is and what it looks like for you. You think that ACE has had anything to do with that?

Defining Cycle Breaking and Self-Awareness 4:00

yeah okay so you know about aces yeah we'll see people may not know karmari because i mean like i like I'm not gonna say like, i don't have no choice but it's like what i've embedded in like growing up in so of course i know yeah yeah, okay because you, know this is when you first did your episode you were episode five How old was I? I don't know. I just looked 15. You were young. And a lot has happened since then. So are you aware of that ACES score? Are you are aware? Has it helped you? Like, what's going on?

What makes you a cycle breaker? This is a Cycle Breaker series. I feel like what makes me a psycho breaker is just like, I guess what I do, my talents. It took me awhile to get to like where I am in like embracing my talent, just off like not, not experiencing, like as basic life, especially like moving like down here to Texas, like everybody kind of has like a basic life story in a way. Like mom and dad pay for all their stuff, you know, life happening. I don't know how to like answer the question rather, I dunno.

Is there a where you could like elaborate or? So you of course, unfortunately know that you have Aces. Yeah. It's not like this is a new conversation for me. Right. You know what I'm saying? For other people, it's a conversation. They're not aware of those things. So it different. I mean, how do you feel or how you see your life different than other that don't know? You what mean? I guess I could say, to give a better answer, oddly self aware. But I think that comes from like an ace's perspective, like, I like see myself doing things and it's like oh wait, that was kind of like not very, you know, psycho breaker aces of me.

Like other people like don't necessarily see their actions in a way that like I know something is wrong prior just based off of like growing up and like having the fear of, like, messing up. So I feel like- Well, let's talk about that. That's something to talk. About that, that's good. And so why would you have a fear for messing? Um, I don't know, just black girl growing, up older sibling, oldest sibling. Okay, we're getting somewhere now. Okay. Okay, so, oh, all these siblings, do you believe in the older siblings like stereotypes?

Stereotypes like what? You tell me. I am the stereotype. Tell me more. I don't know, like, I see a lot of people like basic Netflix shows or TV shows, Disney Channel. And it's like the older sibling is like... I want to say head of the household. That sounds so crazy. But I feel like I do a like as an older sister. You know what? I think... I think it's part of you because it your role. It's been your roll, but you take your roles so seriously, you know what I mean? But you didn't have a choice.

Yeah. So is that a good thing or a bad thing? I feel like it is a a thing but in other households it could be a back thing. Right. it has its ups and downs. And that's a real respectable answer, you know. I'll be honest for for me, I think about the question when I. Think about cycle breaking like for. Depending on the household I'm a middle child.

Healing Strategies and Trauma Awareness 9:00

But with my dad, I am a firstborn. So those first born responsibilities were embedded upon me. When you think about being the first, you know, say I'm still the girl, regardless of me being a middle child, but my Dad holds me accountable for those, first-born responsibilities to Dad. I kind of get what you're saying, coming from a Firstborn perspective. But I will say, knew that you would fit the, I did. And I'm saying that only because you were excited like to have a sibling, like you take care of your siblings to the team.

So for me, when I think about cycle breaking, think the level of expectation that have set for not only yourself, but for the people around you. to hear or see your friends. Like, I obviously am the cool mom, and it's an amazing thing. But just to see you move in your respective circles as a leader is kind of cool. Do you know that that's what you're doing? Do know you are the leader? Yeah. Everyone tells me that. And I'm kind like naturally like the older siblings Older sibling quote-unquote for everybody just because I do end up being the oldest in all of my friend groups and Just like my demeanor my personality just like growing up that has came with being an older sibling Yeah, I don't want to be the youngest I Don't know I mean this generation.

I feel like I couldn't be, well, I'm not gonna say I could be 12 again, but I can be like 12 older sibling, two older siblings, still like navigating through life. Like obviously I am still navigating though life, so much stuff. But I feel like sometimes I do think about how life would be differently if I did have like an oldest sibling like consistently, because I have those people in my life who do represent older authority figures that are not parent or guardian. So I don't have that like aspect, but like a biological way.

I What if I did have an older sibling? Life would be differently. I kind of had to not figure out everything on my own, but I didn't have that older siblings to tell me how life is literally going to go, or how school is going go. Or basic advice on how to navigate and clean the house. A little stuff like that. That I had kind to figure that out on own. So I think that like represents a lot of like who I am in my different groups. And the crazy thing is people are watching and it's not just your own siblings, but it is other people.

That makes you the leader, that makes the cycle breaker. Because we see it. They navigate your way. So I'm excited. Again, I didn't sign you up for the podcast. You did. So you took the steps to want the world to know that you're a cycle breaker. Congratulations. Thank you. As far as healing and empowerment, What are some of your healing strategies, like habits, supports, what are the things that you do that help you through your Healing Journey? I feel like I'm still trying to figure that out. Okay.

Like, there's other steps that I can take and still want to take, and explore, different things I haven't tried. Painting, obviously, is something that comfort or healing in. However, I guess I should kind of get back into it, but I've kind moved away. But I feel like I have only done that because I want to find more things that I find healing and that are my basic go-tos. I color, draw, go on walks, watch TV shows. I talk it out sometimes I'm working on it. So I guess those would be like my basic just like creative arts.

Cleaning, working, doing like consistent work. I feel like it's It's healing, but it also is something that can be portrayed as like suppressing. So I'm trying to like navigate my way around that also. Would you, so what you're saying is you looking into other therapeutic types. You know what I mean? Not just talk therapy or art therapy. you are looking for other ways to navigate through. I like the fact that you are 18 and know that there's other options. That's pretty cool. Yeah, I mean, there is like, the not obvious stuff, but the stuff everyone tells you about like therapy.

Like, yeah, don't have a problem with therapy, but I also do feel like there's so much more out there for specific people to find like what genuinely helps them. And you're navigating through that. That makes you a soul breaker. I like it. Just think that it's cool. What is something that you wish people understood more about their childhood trauma or ACEs that isn't talked about enough?

Be Victorious Foundation and Advocacy 15:30

If you don't recognize like where that childhood trauma came from or like why said trauma makes you act the way that you Act now like growing up. Was it something that she healed from question yourself? I guess because a lot of people Don't recognise at the time that this is something. That impacts the Way that I do my daily life, right? so I pinpointing what the trauma is, why it affected you, how it affects you and not to project that onto your daily life, growing up, make that something that you move from, not express on others.

Respect. Very good. You're a mature young lady, I promise you. I know who she is. Okay, let's see. We have a few more. Okay, so you've been a part of this wonderful Be Victorious movement. Oh, you got to represent. I see it. So how do you feel as someone that is a Part of the movement as an ACES ambassador? How do I feel in like what ways just in general? Yeah, because a lot of people have learned about be victorious and be Victorious Foundation because of you. Yeah. So how do you feel? I feel good.

I felt like this is something that a lot of people need to take more initiative in. because it's more than just identifying your trauma and getting over it. It's helping others do that and also helping other that don't have the abilities to pinpoint out what said traumas are, what their aces are or people that do not understand that. I feel like this is something a lot more people should take into their businesses as the world we live in today. And there's like traumas being gained in people's lives every day and all over the word.

So I feel like even like one group, one step at a time would make a bigger impact. Do you you, you believe it and live it for real? Mm hmm. That's my dog. No, for real. I'm dead serious because let's be clear. Not asking. This is something that we actually really do believe in something we grew within each other. The support has been extremely honorable, especially having them help on the back end of it. If you all have been at the book launches, you've met the girls, they put in the work, and they do the signage.

They do representation. I don't think it's been anything forced. It's something that you guys want to do. Correct? Correct. Why? Again, like I said, I know a lot of people. and know a lot of stories and knowing what I know, I kind of be like, yeah, girl, you just got a little trauma and it's okay, but you can't tell everybody that. So going back to like me being self-aware of not only myself, like helps me like get people to the conversation of like, why again, they do the things that they because just listening to people, I immediately like know like yeah, that's why you do that sometimes.

But I'm not judgemental doing that. It's just like obviously, where humans are made to read people. Not judge. So I feel like I do like read people not on purpose, but that's just like what I've, that what being an ACES ambassador is kind of, you just read it. It is. You're right. Because you know, That's the reason why it's like that for me. I always tell people, if you look to your left, and you looked to you right, somebody got ACEs, But just imagine just the shift of the paradigm of having the conversation, being in a space where I could as a teacher, or even as teacher just as person that listens.

I'll honestly say that I did start off undergrad with a degree in psychology, but I really, really did not know what I wanted to do because nobody told me in college You need more than just that psychology degree. Let's be clear. I know that I didn't have a me, you know what I mean? So I find it quite honorable that you're going to school, knowing what you want to do. Stage management. What a wonderful move. Can you tell us more about that? Because how did you decide that that's what she wanted to to?

Um, I, decided that that's what I wanted to do while trying to figure out what i wanted everyone goes through that rigmarole like I want to this or maybe I do better doing that or I just want make money like it don't matter what do so I guess just getting more stage management experience I've been stage managing for three years, three and a half.

Stage Management Goals and Career Exploration 21:30

I have done 22 plus shows from musicals to plays to dance shows to talent shows, any production in the auditorium that you could think of I probably like worked on. One of my shows made it to Nationals, just my experience for that show made to nationals. Um, and I got to talk about just like why I pursue stage management and why love it. And I think after my state competition, before I went to national and, I did qualify, you made me realize maybe this is something that I can do. After high school, just because I did spend so much time in the auditorium, why would I want to leave that space that I found so comfortable in?

I might as well get a degree in it. But I guess I didn't necessarily finalize my decision. I went in college exploratory studies major, which I still OK am in exploratories studies. After I went to New York, I was with two Broadway shows and I got to be here. I gotta find my way back in New york. So after my Newyork trip in March, i auditioned for the stage management position at U of H and i got in this school, which is a very competitive position. They only accept five people, they open it up so I can be the sixth person, So it took me a minute to figure out what I wanted to do.

I still have those moments where maybe I do want to end up doing something else, but I won't know until I get that experience. Simple things like maybe, I could just go to cosmetology school and make money based off that. Get an LLC, get a suite, call it a life. Keep baking. Go to culinary school. Get a suite, get an LLC, bake. You know, there's other things that I could do, but we're going to see how the stage management thing goes. So the sky's the limit for you. Yeah. Who are a boss for real.

I'm so proud. Okay, I'm listening like everybody else, let's be clear. I do know these things, but just hearing you talk about it. How induced are you? Like these are your accomplishments. These are the things that you have accomplished in your life and the thing that that have experienced. And you're also a mentor through the foundation. So how do you, and I said, how did you feel the first time? But like, How do really feel to list all of these wonderful accomplishments in you just 18? I don't know.

I feel like nothing. Not because it doesn't mean anything. Obviously, everything means a lot. Maybe it's an ACES trauma thing, but I've never been super go crazy after awards and stuff. But I think that's just me being hard on myself. Like I'm expecting to get those awards. I'm expecting to. Like, I don't expect anything less, if that makes any sense. So when I do, like, have these accomplishments, it's just like yeah, why wouldn't I? But not on a cocky level, just on like- And that's understandable, but let's talk about that real quick.

Is that something that you have set for yourself? Is- No. That's something Set for myself because of others. OK, because others like who? Everybody, the world. The world is going to tell you if you don't succeed, you're going end up dead. And I mean, and I respect that. It's like just me, but also just like I feel like any adult figure in my life has kind of been like, not push me in a bad way, but I've always been like, did you do it to me all the time? But you're destined for greatness. You know what I mean?

Like, especially coming from my perspective as someone who, you know, if the world doesn't know I had Kermari when I was 30 years old. So I just now finding myself, it's people out there. And you are not anywhere near 30. Look at how much life you still have to guys you know what i mean and with mine i know it's crazy right but this is what I tell people wait say that again it''s not that fun It's not that far, but think about it. Look at how much has happened in my life. When you think of about 30 years, 30, years is a long time.

But then in 18 years look at, how I've accomplished in the 18, so when you look, at it from a from cycle breaker to cycle, breaker perspective, like that's an amazing thing. You have to, you have, to own your role as like breaker. I also had to learn minds, the minds had, me understanding that imposter syndrome is real. You know what I mean? Like, let's be clear, no shade, but my name, I've never heard of it in my life. So I knew something then. Like to this day, we still play around with my named because people don't know how to say it.

But the reality of the situation is this unique is one of a kind. We knew it was going to be something. What I'm learning, honestly, is the fact that I was never given Dr. Victorious. It was given to me. And as I grow in the grace of God, I'm realizing that that's what's happening. It's the awareness of ACES, but it's also the creation of victory in other people. You know what I mean? And that what it is for me. So to have you here as this cycle breaker moment is happening and this full circle moment it happening, it definitely humbling because you're the reason why I became a cycle-breaker.

So I know that that's heavy to carry too. You know what I mean? I'm know for a fact that, that is heavy carry. But what you have to understand is before you were born I was not this at all. So, I hate to give you that. you know, what i mean, but you to take that and know seriously for the ones who are just now coming into the story, That's the truth. I started off as a substitute teacher, seriously, to get back into what people don't know and realize is I had a master's degree already.

Accomplishments, Pressure, and Full-Circle Growth 28:30

I just didn't have what to do with it. You know what I'm saying? So all of this to me is a full circle moment, especially having you in the chair to have this conversation with my first born who I know carries that heavy weight because I used to I know it was hard on you, you know what I mean? That's the reason why I cannot wait to watch episode five, guys. You guys will actually see it. Kermari was on the podcast, episode 5, ready. But so much has changed since episode You know what I mean? So when you think about experience, and when think of growth, you'd think, I can't do anything but think grace.

Look at the growth that we've experienced, the places that God has put us in to help us grow. So wait a minute, shout out to Concord Baptist Church, let's be clear, because look at what has happened. So it's a pleasure and honor. It's full circle moment for me to have this conversation with you. And us have conversation as adults, let's be clear, who are still there? Because honestly, we could do something different. I could just quit. You know what I mean? Like I'm done. But entrepreneurship to me inspires me do better.

It's been working in my favor, so I'll have no other choice. People talk about such treats all the time, all of the times. Did you know that this entrepreneurship was gonna be great for you? Yeah. I've been, like even before, it was named to the business, I was doing just me selling out of my book bag. Selling cookies and cakes, let's be clear. And now y'all do it. Do yall have to do? Yeah, we gotta make money. We don't have do, but like, you know, and this. Things are easier. Landed the free home of the brave.

Yeah. Because I mean, what else can we, you know, do we have to do? I also shared this while we're here. When I got here, I feel like I tried the work at a school. I did that. You know what I'm mean? We were at, we were out, y'all were all at school, and I was at the school we we doing our thing and all of that, but I still didn't get a chance to to the mother part of things, because I at schools, you know what I mean? And I think even with that, the Lord has led us here to where I was able to participate, I able support, able do those things.

So I also got to give entrepreneurship a great shout out because here it is. We're going into year three. I'm taking you to school. You know, and I'll get that opportunity. Promise y'all I will not be in Dallas. Because I know y'all, this is my baby, I love her to death, but I am going to let her go to college. I just find it interesting that this a full circle moment. but it's a different feeling this time with us going to Houston. When you're centered on God's grace, it is just an amazing feeling.

Like I'm excited for this road trip. I am excited to go to this school. So before we leave any conversation, anything, cause I've went through, we've actually went though a lot. You think that you would like to share? I don't have anything that's like specific. I mean, I represent my foundation. And I still have things to work on myself. So the journey is never like over. Right? I just want you to know how inspiring you are, for those who don' know, because Cory is Cory. Kermari is Karmari and Kennedy is Kennedy.

I love that you all have your individual personalities and they show and reflect and shine. Lori said on her podcast episode that she was inspired to do her episode because of her sister. So before we leave, how do you like that role of being loved By your sisters, I am going to share this for the ones who don't know her sisters are the one who came up with her graduation party her sister's have been involved in a lot of things that have happened for her. Through love and support, how do you feel about that, because you do carry that role of big sister but there's some good reward.

How do you feel about that? Yeah, it's always good reward. Like I said, there's ups and downs. There's up. Obviously, I wouldn't change it for the world. And as much as I do for them, yeah, they're like, you know, do something. Uh huh. She had her love from her sister. I thought it was the kids' thing. So I'm like, yes, my kids have been on my podcast. But you also know, and I know you know that people really look up to us in that regard because We do have a great relationship. We have our ups and downs, too.

Like, let's be clear, I get the rolling out of eyes. I give all of that. Trust me, y'all do. And we have are good days. But I do get a lot of positive things. One of my, back on TikTok, of course, you already know, because it's blowing up already. They like Dr. Mommy Page because that was us growing up dancing and doing videos and things like that. So to get these real life experiences that people are, you know, starting to watch and see you driving the car, that's still trending. I think that has high regard.

some of the cycle breakers that are single moms, because I learned a lot. You know what I mean? I'm still learning. I am not perfect. At all. But I do think that we have a good, decent relationship. We communicate with each other a lie. Is there, while we're doing this in Prompto, is there anything that you would give to those that don't have that type of relationship with their parent. Find someone that you can have that relationship with, even if it's not. I'm not going to say find a mother in someone else or find your father in somebody else, but have some type of like authority in which you could come to.

You've got a good community. Yeah. Proud of it. Me too. I enjoy your friends. Like I said, I'm happy to be the cool mom.

Family Support, College Plans, and Closing Advice 36:30

I don't know. In this positive state that I am in right now, just got to feel grateful. Just the fact that, yes, it could have been, or it couldn't be different. You know what I mean? So I feel great for you, Kermari. And again, you did change my life. One last thing, if you can say one thing to someone just beginning their healing journey, what would it be? Don't take identifying your traumas as the end of the world. Once you are aware of what hurt you don't stop the journey there. Obviously, finding out and figuring it out, and understanding that is gonna take time, but allow it to surface on you.

Very good advice. Kamara, I love you, where can I find you on social media? Because let's be clear, know if you want that information out there. But you're a mentor, honey. You have people that have been influenced by you. And you can't say that that's not true when you have that people have said it. So what do you want? I'm a mentor for the Be Victoria's Foundation. I don't be on my social medias like that. Do marketing and stuff. So I do social media, but I have my own. What she's saying is y'all looking for a founder at Be Victorious Foundation, let's be clear, represents, because that is my first born, the one that changed my life.

give her her own, but I can't help it. That's the truth. Anybody that knows me knows that I don't hide it and never have. And I absolutely adore and love you so much. So thank you again for coming on the podcast. We'll be taking a trip coming up very, very shortly. Would you be comfortable sharing your journey a little bit more for those who are headed to college? Because granted, on one side of your family, you are the first to actually go to a college. So congratulations. It's a blessing. Would you mind sharing that story possibly?

Well, I guess my college journey, i'm still trying to figure that out myself. I still have to go to orientation, so there's still like holds on that little account. But I think my school and my counselors, my teachers kind of set it up for students to graduate either military workforce or college. After figuring out what I needed to do, did that FAFSA, TSI completed. I mean, just the basic follow along, figure out which college you want to go to, because U of H was not my first college, but it's what has my major.

And if a girl needs to transfer, she can transfer. I'm still like, I don't have the perfect story. I am still trying to figure that out and navigate myself. Who knows? I do not know if college is for me. Just going to say that I went and to get that experience. That's for anybody. Because for some people that's really what it is. Some people going like no. Me and Kennedy talk about it all the time because she is heavy into real estate and she's like I did not even know. Yeah, there's no pressure, because at the end of the day, I'm happy as someone that sees the world as a big box of opportunity.

Yeah. College is not for everybody. So this wasn't anything that was, you get to go to college. camaraderie, the sky's the limit. You are very talented and you can do whatever you like. So I wouldn't be surprised if you in the middle of doing everything and get a cosmetology license. I'm not surprised. But that's what people need to understand and know. They don't know that it's either or. When the ones that do the either And then it don't happen. It's like, well, what's your next steps? At least, you know that there's options and available, things available for you.

You know what I'm saying? You better go to college or else. No, this is what we're trying. If it works, it work. So if it doesn't, then doesn' But you want, I mean, not to say like that. Dallas College is always available. Oh, Trish. I know. Yeah. When all my friends were over here yesterday, me and one of my friend, we were just talking outside for a long time. And I was just saying, just because of what I've been through, I don't really mess with change like that. So I'm going to college to get that experience and to see if this is something that I do like.

Again, I don't have no shame in doing two year and then transferring four year or working. I'm going to go to school, whether it's college, two-year, cosmetology, or culinary. And then working on top of that, like, we'll see how first semester goes. And that's all we can do is just wait. Of course, I'm sure you'll be back for another episode, but I thank you again for taking time out of your busy schedule to sit with us. Again, you have me and Kermari together on another wonderful episode of Be Victorious.

We'll talk to you guys. So, oh, before we end, let me put You can find me everywhere on social media. When I mean Instagram, I'm there as Dr. Victorious. I am on Facebook as drvictorious, i am linked in as be victorious with Dr Tori Williams. i have a mighty community. encourage everyone to go into my website where there's classes. There's all kind of wonderful resources there. Come check us out. You guys don't forget us on podcast. Everywhere, we're doing our thing. We love you guys. Talk to you, guys, soon.

Bye-bye. You're so cute. Good job.