Be VicTORIEus Ep. 84

Book Announcement and ACEs Introduction 0:00

Hey, you guys, it's me, Dr. Tori. My book is officially out. And yes, It is time to talk about ACEs. You guys can find the books everywhere. However, I would encourage you, guys to go to my website, bevictorious.com and place your order today. Yes. It's time. To talk. About ACE's. Let's go, y'all. Hello. Hello, you guys. Welcome to another episode of Be Victorious. Now, of course, I know who I am. It's Dr. Tori, and I'm the one that creates victory in people. We're going to continue to do that with our Psycho Breaker series.

When I tell you the young man that I have here, actually met him through everyone else. He wanted to learn more about ACEs, he started joining our lunch and learn. I learned so much from him. I actually love learning from people because they give their view and their diverse view of things that they're experiencing and things they are going through and it's an honor to at least teach ACES education to this young man. And I've seen his growth.

Community, Healing, and Support 1:24

When I tell you he is a cycle breaker, he Did you like your introduction. Oh, did I like it. Hello, I'm Spencer. Nice to meet everyone. Guys, this is what we have been doing. I am so excited to have you on. My podcast, thank you so much. Of course, I am so excited to be here. Thank you for letting me know that you wanted me to on your podcast. Well, this is the thing. I'm in avid support of people that believe in what we believe and I've done everything in my power to let people know the average childhood experiences are real.

Childhood trauma is average child experiences. All of that stuff really aligns into one. And I'm just glad that you're with the community that is actually spreading that awareness and putting that information out there, and you are doing the same. So for me to have someone that's actually actively supporting, sitting there at lunch at 12 for lunch and learn, supporting in other groups, going into the different circles that we're in, I appreciate you. And I think people need to know that there are people out there that are learning and healing in the same sense to where they're actually helping others by supporting.

And, I just want you to that that's exactly what you're doing. Yes. I am really passionate about becoming a healthy human and learning about ACEs and what brought me to y'all was I was trying to meet other people who were, you know, in the community of being healthy humans. And you kept saying on Instagram and that we're all a community here. So then I started typing and then started going to the things and it's been really instrumental in my healing process because for years it was just me and my trauma therapist.

And, but you can only get so far with just you and your trauma therapist. And so to be able to have a group of people that's doing the same thing, like it's, it just mind blowing, I tell you. It's because we're growing together. And I don't think it's about the individual, it is about our purpose and the fact that we've aligned with each other and we support each. And we're watching each grow and heal at the same time. I love when you're like, hey, I'm just checking on you. Nobody ever checks on people like us.

They just wanna just keep going with life and here it is. I check on, people I see how people are going. So to be in a community where we're actually doing that and supporting one another, yeah. Why not? Yes, I know I kept telling my drama therapist, i don't wanna be the therapy friend anymore. i wanna to a friend, like just a friends and she's like, Well, maybe you need to get therapy friends. And I was like, oh, so now I kind of feel like we're all, you know, therapy people in a sense, because, we are all learning about ACES and doing our part.

Like I tell everyone about aces, whether it's an Uber driver, somebody that I am standing with or sitting with in an elevator, like just anywhere and everywhere. people that know me are probably like, can you just stop? But I just can't. I've just got to tell everybody. Me either. It's just a part of our everyday conversations, but people are really learning.

ACE Score, Trauma, and Self-Care Strategies 5:18

Look at how much our community is growing just by people like us that are enthused and sharing the education and awareness of ACEs. And it's really not that hard. Like, oh my God, Jorge is getting good. And he's getting good because he is more passionate about it and he learning more as he continuing to take his classes and doing things. So I can't help who I am. I love me, but I loved the fact that other people are catching on and they're learning and their spreading in their respective communities.

And I think that's what I about. No, I feel really the same way. Like, actually, Jorge's first Google me that we ever did was the first time I ever actually spoke in the group. Like that's how, that how much his motivational Monday like touched my heart. He's good. I'm telling you, I knew he had it in him. But when I tell you he is doing his thing, look, obviously you the next Monday for motivational Mondays. So we can go ahead and continue doing what we're doing. Who said, you know about ACEs. What's your ACE score?

Oh, well, I would say that I have a perfect score, you know, like I always say, if I'm getting A's in anything, it's my trauma, so. And there's nothing wrong, Spencer, with your ACEs score. It's a bunch of us like that, who takes good care and doesn't, actually a lot of people in particular, but a lotta people don't hide their ACE score like, and I don' hide mine at all, Just depends on who I'm talking to. If we talk about something different, then I might up to a six or down to four. It just really depends.

But what I love is that we're having the conversation. Yes. And at first, when I first learned about my ACEs score, I took it and I was only a nine. Then through learning more in my trauma therapy and EMDR, realized, oh, there's more suppressed memories there. I took yours, your questionnaire, and I like it way better than the CDC. Like, it's, I don't know, more up-to-date. I dunno, the questions are better formulated. So when I tell anybody about ACEs, is I send them your question there. And it is because people, they have different versions.

The original version was over 50 questions, doctors got together and compiled those to 10. But like how I tell people those 10 questions still have three questions within them. So it's really hard to answer the questions when one of the question is actually three question. And so I like people like Jorge or Leah are breaking it down or even Lisa for that matter. It's just, you know, she's trumped it. She's going into the religious beliefs and the religion space because it hits you and hits people where it's needed.

And I think that is what it is for me. So that's the reason why you have a lot of therapists that are out there that aren't using my study to recruit or use it as their intake. or use it as a part of their conference, or used it a reference because it really is self-explanatory. It helps a lot of people. But we want people to take the necessary steps afterwards. So what do you think, as cycle breaker, because you have taken the steps to care of yourself, what are some of the things that you do? Oh boy, well, that is a long list.

I do a lot of things to help myself.I draw, I write, and I force myself to go outside into the world at least twice a week as a very introverted person that loves isolation. That's a big feat in and of itself. Um, and I, I also have PTSD. So like just going out to things is hard. Um but, but I'm, doing it and it feels like each year I am giving myself a new goal and this year is to do a activity every week. And I don't know how long it's going to go, it has been going for at least four months now.

Let's see. I don't know, I listen to my inner child now, because they like to throw fits. And so I'm just like, Oh, buddy, you definitely need some self care. So that's a really big one for me. I exercising, Epsom salt baths, that I am disabled and I have cerebral palsy. Those are crucial. Um, I just started trying to do meditation and that's a little bit harder because I haven't learned how to shut my brain off yet. But, but I light a candle and I even started looking up YouTube videos of, of a Candle.

So it does the like crack crackling fire sound. I get myself ready. And it takes me probably about 20 minutes to calm down. And then I'm like, okay, well, we have 10 minutes where we just get to sit here. Gosh, what else? There's so many. You're doing it. I will share your growth is obvious because I remember when Spencer wouldn't even talk. So think about that, that's great growth. You are talking to your inner child. Yeah, yeah, I will say like, um, pretty introverted and talking too more than one person at a time, like literally scares me.

Like every single time if there's more then one, just know I am facing a fear, a, fear of fear and like the first time When I try,

Healing Journey and Community Impact 11:54

when I very started from the very beginning, I remember I was at my nephew's t-ball game and he's like, i want you to shout me out. Like the other people do that come to the game. And so, and so I would have to say go Nicholas, right? Just, just two words. I only forced myself to stay. And I just remember I would just be bawling because I had never like just spoken out in front of a large group of people. And that, and that's where it all started and now I'm here. Right. Guess what? You are shining.

So listen, we have talked about, cause we've talked a lot already. We talked being a psycho breaker because you are, congratulations. We talked about ACE's awareness of education. You are a perfect 10. Shout out to all the perfect tens out there. I know several of them, you know a few of the as well. We continue to live our legacy and we continue honor our number and do not let our numbers define us. For healing and empowerment, I loved your strategies. You talked about MDR, you talked drawing, and you talk about a lot.

Are we missing anything in regards to things that you help? I love how you also said you support people because for those who don't know, he's very supportive. He supports the people in our community. I like how he talks about supporting your family because that means it comes second nature to you, which is really good. So let's talk about legacy. What's something you wish people understood more about childhood trauma or ACEs that isn't talked about enough? I mean, for example, being aware of ACE is so many people are not aware.

And I I even personally didn't even know about ACEs until I started Googling what my therapist was doing, because I was like, I need more than just this once a week. And then it led me to Dr. Taylor. Then it lead me you and then Lisa and Leah and Jorge. Now there's just drumming so many people that I just can't name them all. It's beautiful. So I would say like just raising awareness. So exactly what you're doing, day in and day out, like that would be the number one. Because if more people knew about it, we wouldn't carry so much shame.

And I'm sure you know the body keeps the score and it really does. I know what I am doing right now. We're really growing through it, but people don't want to identify it because they're ashamed. I'm not, I don' hide it. i am sick, i have aces, identify as someone with ace.s I will never hide because there's no shame to something that I really can't control. And so that's what it is for me to get more people to say, you know what, we are doing all of that in a bag of chips without letting a number define us.

So that's what it is for me. There's so many other things like this past weekend was a mass shooting at a school. No one wants that, but they're going to have to experience that for the rest of their lives because they were their witnesses of that. That is just heartbreaking. I remember when schools were like safe places. You never, you never ever heard about a shooting. And now people are just shooting up schools left and right. Yep. And so that's why I let people know, don't let the score define you because it's not the scorer that defines you.

It's what you do with it that is going to either help you heal or help others. You know what I mean? Because that what it is for me, trust me. Oh, yes. I definitely know. Whenever I first took the quiz, I think it was 2022, whenever I won Dr. Taylor's course, like I'm not gonna lie for a little bit, had a pity party because I was like, Oh I am as broken as I feel. But as it turns out, you know, it's just like any other illness, I was just like, oh hey, this is not supposed to be an end all be all.

This is just supposed be like hey you might need more support than other people and you know it might take you longer to meet your healthy human goal but hey buddy you're definitely worth it for sure. And that is what we are doing. So I have one more question for you. Two more questions. OK, one moment. How has being part of the Be Victorious movement shaped your healing journey and or your purpose? Man, well, it's been instrumental. Are you kidding me? I cannot say your praises enough. You are now in my perfect sentences.

Like, I send so many people your links, and I tell so may people about your research project. And it literally through you and just saying that we're a community that I now literally have a Community of healthy humans. Like if you wouldn't have said that on every single live for however long I was watching you probably at least a year and probably more like I definitely would not be where I am today in my healthy human journey for sure. Thank you. They're so sweet because it's the truth. You guys, I'm heavy about this ACES education and they already know that Spencer.

So we have to continue to do what we're doing. I'll ask you one more question. If you could say one thing to someone just beginning their healing journey, what would it be? I would say be your own best friend. first and foremost, that's what I had to do because for the majority of my life, I hated myself.

Closing Thoughts and Where to Find Them 18:30

And I really honestly believed I was going to hate myself forever. Then I just was like, you have to be your own friend. I would ask myself, well, what would a friend say in this situation? Let me tell you, it was none of the things I said. It was definitely being my own bully. And here we are. You guys have to understand I absolutely love our community. I love that Spencer is the icing, he is cherry on top. He is always going to be there to support. you can always catch Spencer, I will tell you, Thursdays at 12 o'clock.

If he's not on Thursday on my lunch and learn, He's at 1230 for Trauma Drama Room for Leah. Let's be clear, we do this. This community work that we're doing is powerful. If you don't catch him, then catch them on the third Sundays with Jorge. It does not matter. if it's not Jorge, it is Lisa. let's clear. We're everywhere. Raymell, I believe. I'm not for sure if you do or not. this community is so big and we are growing so fast. to where people have to understand and know, if you want to get this ACEs education, come on by, stop by.

We have people that are trained professionally that can help you heal. The understanding ACE is the appetizer. It's the beginning of your healing journey. And I think once people understand that, then they can catch more of what they need to know. So is there anything you wanna tell anybody else before we leave? Because what I tell you, You are one in a million. You will always be one of the millions in it. No, thank you. Um, yes, I will say that Raymel and Angelique's podcast is phenomenal. I've listened to every episode that they've came out with yet.

So definitely check them out. And my, my little catchphrase is have a gentle and safe day, everyone. All right, you guys, You know where to find us. you can catch Spencer. Where can they catch you on social media? Um, I am on Instagram, uh, Spencer time, S P E N C E R T Y M E at gmail.com. I mean, Gmail, well, that's my email. So I guess you can get me there, too. LOL. And you guys know where to find me. I'm Dr. Victoria's Everywhere. Leave Victoria on YouTube. Dr Tori Williams on LinkedIn. You guys have any questions or concerns?

You know, where do you find us? We're streaming on all podcast platforms worldwide. You guys have reached another episode of Be Victorious. My name is Dr. Tori. It's my pleasure. I'll talk to you guys soon. Bye-bye.