Be VicTORIEus Ep. 95

Book Launch and ACEs Introduction 0:00

Hey, you guys, it's me, Dr. Tori. My book is officially out. And yes, It is time to talk about ACEs. You guys can find the books everywhere. However, I would encourage you, guys to go to my website, bevictorious.com and place your order today. Yes. It's time. To talk. About ACE's. Let's go, y'all. Hello. Hello, you guys. Welcome to another episode of Be Victorious. I think the thing that I love about being on this journey toward healing is that we are meeting phenomenal people that are not afraid to share their story.

This young lady is a fellow author. What I loved is her sense of community, the fact that she's already out here sharing her story, Being an author sharing your story, what is what makes you a psycho breaker? And Amanda is, is one of the bravest people to date that has been on our podcast. I love when people use the podcast to share their story and she is here with us today. Amanda, where are you? I'm here. I am so excited. How are you today? I've been so thrilled. Literally thrilled to be here, connecting with your energy.

Let's get going. They're going to love you so much because I believe the stories just sound so familiar. So let's start from the beginning. Please tell us who you are. Introduce yourself to our community. Sure. So my name is Amanda Carrasco. I'm originally from Canada and I am on loan to the U.S. right now. Um, I, um, am a sexual assault survivor and a family survivor of homicide and currently I work with an amazing non-profit organization called Sharp Circle. And we are working with incarcerated youth.

And yeah, like you, you know, all of your themes, I'm working to break some of those cycles, my own, and those that I get to impact. And you do know about ACEs, correct? Absolutely. Tell us your ACE score.

Amanda's Background and ACE Score 2:25

I am an 8 out of 10. Do you let that score define you? Definitely not. That's why we're here. I love it. People know about it, but they have it now. You, you, I'm sure you understand and know that people do. And I think that's the reason why people are going away from the score. But that the reasons why were here to let people know, that we are not letting it define us. Yes, we have a score, it's an awareness tool for educators. Of course, some people have put it out there and they, they had looked at it as an assessment.

It's like, no, It is not really an assesment. it is really a, for me, and an awareness tool to say, hey, let's get it together because we can do better. And here you are. So you have to share at least eight out of 10 in our life. What they want us to know is the eight of ten is early death. But for you, you're a survivor. Tell us a little bit more about your story. Yeah, so I think there's some great points that you have there. I mean, there are people in the world that are sort of walking around oblivious.

Do you know what I means? Like, they're just kind of surviving, really, right? And then there're people that then want to learn more, we take these assessment tool pieces and You know, to start into reflection. But sometimes people get stuck there and then they're stuck in that victim mentality, right? They're recognizing sort of what happened, but that's where they stop. They plateau. And then there's those of us that are like, OK, we're not done here. I want to push past that. That's what you get from surviving to thriving and moving forward.

So it's hard. It's really hard, and you can't move forward without acknowledging that past piece. So, it is important. But like I say, don't get stuck. Keep going. keep moving. Because that score isn't, It doesn't define me. it does, is a reflection of where I've come from and how much I had to overcome. And I think that matters a lot. We're not all set up at the same starting blocks in life. So that's important for us to recognize. Each of us comes from a unique place, different circumstances and backgrounds, but it doesn't mean that we can't finish the race, that can keep going.

But we have to acknowledge what were the limitations, what where the obstacles and how can I get around them? And that community piece of knowing other people, What they've been through, and what worked for them, didn't work for and then applying that to your own life individually and moving forward as individuals, but also collectively. It's a both. You know, it's really a, both it is. What, at what point did you say, okay, I'm ready to break the cycle. I am ready. Well, I think that there's a there is a desire from a younger age like as I, you know, like I left home at 17 for the last time, there was a bit of like in and out.

And so 17 I moved away, moved out of my town. I definitely wanted different. There was that desire for a long time that I wanted to be different But that doesn't kind of matter, you know what I mean? Like what matters is then actually doing the work because the easiest I can relate it to is is like parenting. I look to my parents, I still love my parent, so I will always love. My parents. But there were a lot of mistakes, there are a. Lot of things that I looked at when I don't want to do that, but you have that in your mind.

And then you have kids, and then, you find yourself being your parent. And you're like, oh, god, this is who I didn't want to be. This is what I did want do. You are repeating those patterns because they're so ingrained in you. So how do you do different when you don't know different? This why education is so important in every area of life. Like literally every area. I want to learn more every day about everything because knowledge is power. That's how you can change. It is and we're okay. So we are out here and sharing our stories and people don't understand.

This isn't the end. We have to continue to share because more people really want a lesson. There was once upon a time where I thought I was by myself for real. And here I am on episode 90 something. But I think it's the fact that it is a community and we want to grow and heal. We don't want let this define us. So you have to understand this conversation is so needed everywhere. Has it shaped you? Has the awareness helped you grow?

Healing, Trauma Awareness, and Growth 7:00

Well, learning about how trauma impacts your body, like what it does and all those kinds of things. Again, it brought about that recognition of, hey, these behaviors that I'm exhibiting, Okay, you know what I mean, like they this is understandable. I think it was Victor Frankel. He said something about, when you're experiencing trauma things like some of your responses are normal for trauma. Other people look at them and be like, that's not normal. But actually it is in that context. And so that's really important.

And I think that that is a way to give grace to yourself, to forgive yourself for some of those things. But again, you don't just stay there, though. You push yourself harder to go, OK, how do I do better? And that involves learning. Then it's practice, practice. Practice. Because you're going to get it wrong over and over again. Again, then you feel like a failure. Then you want to give up, but you just don't give because you've got that goal in mind. That's what you're going for. And so you learn each time you fail.

Each time each failure is a little bit different. You get a bit closer to the goal until eventually what is healthy. becomes your normal and it becomes more familiar and feels safe because healthy when you have an 8 out of 10 does not feel safe. You are not gravitating towards people that are safe and circumstances that feel weird and uncomfortable. So there's a transition piece and it's back and forth. And so that journey is not linear. It is now pretty, you know, but it is worth it and hard and you get there if you don't quit.

Listen to you! You said you are a survivor. You sound like one. But it was your lived experiences that helped you. You have to go through these things, not to say that, oh, this happened and we have stay in it, you guys. We have heal and grow, and you have done that. But not only have you done it. You get to share it with the world. Congratulations. How was this book for you? Terrifying. Let me be real. It was a very hard journey. Part of the writing piece, too, was therapeutic and very healing.

I'll say that. So for people that are going through things, writing is really, really helpful. i've tried so many times because people are like oh journaling is so good i am not a journaler i can't but i was able to like write my story and so that's how i could and then we had to go through and we Had to edit 10 times like the final version of the book is literally edition 10 And so going through it over and over piece by piece Having to feel it all every single time like i hated it every time we have to Go through again.

I was like, oh, please He's got no, you know, like I have to go through every chapter again and I would have people that I Would text him be like, okay, I finished chapter three. Okay. I'm up to chapter six just to keep you reaching out getting encouragement It's hard because it never like this isn't gonna leave my body every time I you read the stories that are my stories They're my things it still hurts You know, all that pain is still there, and so you go through it again and again, but you get a different perspective each time as well.

And so that was what's really important. I see that. When I decided to write my book, it wasn't writing the book because I'd already wrote it. And I did that because I knew that it was only appearing on ProQuest and educational journals. Like nobody would see what I actually witnessed. And it worked, I'll be honest. I talked to one of my students, this is 10 years ago, of course, and she's like, I have this." And I'm like, yeah, y'all thought I was just writing a book, staying after school? So yeah.

I think that was the thing for me. And that is what worked and what put ACEs out here in communities that are needed because the original ACE study didn't really get to us. You know what I mean? Even though it was largest study out there, they were missing some things. And when they finally updated in 2023, I think that's when the conversation started to happen a lot more. People are talking about it and people are connected to sexual abuse. They're doing what they're supposed to do in that regard, but people have to know ACEs can be healed.

It isn't something that we have stick and stand in. And I'll think, that what I appreciate about you in your regards of being brave and sharing your story, because it's people out here that don't even want to that. I appreciate it. And I mean, I get it though. Sometimes when you share your story, there's negativity that comes. You do kind of have to have a bit of a thick skin. I was just thinking about that this morning and I thought, you know, There are always going to be critics out there and you have kind to decide who is the critic that's coming at you.

Is their voice worth listening to? Because sometimes there's valid criticism. We can't just be like, oh, I just want, yes, people around me all the time that just say how wonderful and great I am. Like, we do need some people that will speak authentically into your life about, hey, you need to step up in this area. I think you were wrong here.

Writing the Book and Facing Vulnerability 12:40

Some of those people who genuinely value you and want you to be the best version of yourself that you can. But there's some people that just, you know, like, yeah, it's like no, I like. No, i'm sorry. But like No. It's a holiday season. And I was just telling a close friend because she was she she kind of confided in me and some things that was letting her know that seasonal affective disorder is real. These things have to be discussed. Things have things to have be shared. you know, told her, again, I'm not a therapist.

I am an educator. She actually went and talked to somebody, but just talking to that somebody. Having people there, especially around the season where in some communities, they don't want to be around their family. It's time to share these things so they can know how to heal. Again, um, uh, really enjoy the fact that you shared your story. You know what I mean? Like, period. Thank you. I've woken up with many vulnerability hangovers after such thing, where you're like, what did you do? You literally have written basically a majority of the horrible things that have happened to you, it's literally out there for the world.

As a business owner, as a leader, a single woman, I'm like what if I go on a date and the guy reads me? It's like What the hell? So it is very vulnerable. It is out here. But you're out here with all of us that are, you know what I mean? I won't say they won' read it, but they wont accept it. And so it wouldn't matter what happens, it's the fact that they don't accept the things that happen. when I go into different communities. And I don't just talk to students, and I just don' talk staff or do trainings.

But people really wanna know how do I share my story? How do get to this point to even get where you are? And that's why you're so important. So what made you wanna do it? What made want to tell your story. To be honest, it's because someone believed in me. I have a friend, his name is Bob Goff, and he has written four, five, or six something New York Times bestselling books. And I went down to see him. He had a conference and it was really encouraging, And he said, you need to write your story.

So he actually helped me, he was like, okay, write edition one, I gotta get an editor, now we're gonna get a publisher. and do these things and so I was really grateful for his encouragement you know but I mean I did feel it in myself too because I knew how much being in community helped me. It was because of other people that I survived what I experienced. And so I wanted to put my story out there so that other people could read it. No, they're not alone. Know they can be an eight aces, you know, and not let that define them.

And just kind of say, like, here's some things that helped me along the way. Maybe they'll help you, too, because I've tried things other that people have done. Some things were great, some didn't. You know? And I was like well, but I tried it, And so I was hopeful that that things that I've learned the things I practiced could help someone else and so that was what made it worth it for me like you know when I'm going through those last editions like I would say the first editions were sort of the therapy for the last additions were really I thinking about my reader.

And it's a conversation with them. It's from my heart to theirs. And what could they be getting out of this? How are they going to take this, and how is that going work for them? So that was kind of really, that's the extra push. Jumping off the cliff when you actually sign with the publisher. I'll let you know too, I got 57 rejection emails when I first started. So there's lot of nos out there. Well, so you know what? A lot of people are also independently published. I've heard that from people in that regard to go to different publishers to get published, I didn't.

However, who are interested are institutions. There are ways that you can get out there in regards to your book, let's be clear. But I love the fact that it's about you getting a publisher it's a lot of people that don't right yeah no and i mean thanks to bob again like when i kept setting it i'm like bob ii'm up to 15 bob I'm Up to 30 you know and he was like keep going and I just did and, I think part of it for me though too which was really helpful was Some of the publishers would just kind of, you could tell it was like a stock response of thank you for your submission, but it's not fit for us or whatever.

But there were some people, some of publishers that really wrote notes that just said, like, this isn't the right for me, But this is a powerful story. Please keep going, basically. And so every now and then to get one of those just really helped solidify. So I'm thankful to all those publishers who said this Isn't The Right Fit. Right. Keep going. You know, so I am super, super thankful for those people. So when you're in your life, and people are coming to you, just giving them some encouragement, even if it's not the right fit.

Yeah, whatever that context is. This is a psycho breaker. So what is something that you wish people understood more about childhood trauma? Because you sound like you're around the same age, I believe. And we didn't have the word ACEs back in the day. So, what do you, is there something you that wish that people understand more childhood and or ACE that is not talked about now? I think it's starting to be talked about, but the way that victims respond differently. We have a certain idea in our mind.

And because I work in criminal justice, I have two master's degrees in law. I worked with victims, worked for defendants, have worked in prosecution.

Restorative Justice and Incarceration Work 18:45

So we just have this perfect victim box. And we look at situations and we go, this is how I would react in that situation. This is, how, I think a victim should react. And, we don't understand how trauma impacts the brain and how it can look so different for different people. Right. That makes life hard. It makes criminal prosecutions hard, because you're looking at a defendant and going, is this a defender? Is this the victim? You know what I mean? What are we dealing with here? When you're looking at people who come forward with their stories of sexual assault, and you go, well, I would have fought back.

I wouldn't have run. No, like stop. That I think is one of the biggest problems that we have is trying to box, you know, how people deal with their trauma. Right. It's just not reality. Wow. And that's what makes you real. Okay. I got a good, good question. What is something that you would go back and tell little Amanda now that she didn't know back then? and tell her she makes it. I remember being so young and just being like, I'm not going to make it, very distinctly. And so many times along that path, so may times, just be like I am not gonna make.

You know, can't get through this. Can't do this, not smart enough, strong enough. Pretty enough I not, you know? I nothing. Want to be, no, make Yeah, and you do, because you're very passionate about restorative justice. Is that why? Yeah, restorative justice has played a significant role in my healing. And I experienced it before I even knew what it was. I had the unique privilege to sit down with one of the men who sexually assaulted me. It's not common, but it's important. it also has to be done in a safe space.

So I don't want people to use my template because I did it all wrong. Thankfully, it worked out right. Because he's a family member, which is so common. You know, we are so, so stuck on the stranger that is the abuser of sexual assault. But the majority of of, sexual crimes are done by people that you know. Sometimes a lot of times people within your own family, right? So we're talking about community harm here. There's relationships. So when this person was in my own family, I had the opportunity to sort of reach out and say, listen, like, i want to talk about what happened.

I have questions and I need some answers. How are you with that? And he agreed. And so I. Had the. Opportunity to sit with him, and that's part of what we're sort. Of justice is, is it brings the victim back into the center, you know, looks at their needs, what happen and how do we move forward? And so for me, in that particular context, I did I had a lot of questions because I didn't I was missing some memories, you know, like as far back as I could remember, things were happening, but there were gaps.

And. So being able to sit down with him, he answered a. Lot of. Questions. He was truly remorseful and repentant. And to be able to feel that is significant. One of the things that a lot of victims have, like, you can't take back the harm. It's done. You can undo what you did. you Can't bring back someone that you've taken their life. So where do we go from here? Well, the biggest thing that You know, and so he gave that to me. And seeing that helped me also know I'm the last one. You know, you're not going to go hurt anyone else.

That's a need that victims have. I need to know I'm the last one.I don't want you to continue doing this. i don''t want to Continue harming people.That's not okay. that's going To continue to harm me, like my heart will break. So having that from him was the biggest gift that he could have given to me and brought a beautiful sense of closure to that piece. We don't always get closure. I don' have closure in some of the other areas, but in that particular one, I did. And so I'm really, really thankful for that experience.

You are blessed. Listen to what you shared. This is, of course, you already know this is what makes you brave because people do not go to their person and say, look here. And then them to admit it and say, yes, God bless you, because it does not happen all the time. But this is what makes you so brave. Because that experience, yeah, a lot of people won't get at all. It still resonates within them. And you telling this right now, you're a superhero for real, because guess what? You have done, but some people can't even gather to open their mouth to share.

This is perfect. For some people, unfortunately, it's not safe for them to do so, right? Because not all offenders are repentant or remorseful or willing to face that. So that's why I say, like, you know, we've got to be careful. You know with restorative justice, It has to Be safe For all parties, Right? Like that is really important. That's also where surrogacy can come into play because if you're the person that committed your harm, Isn't repentant, isn't remorseful. And so that's the situation with my sister's murderer.

He's not remorseful, like he's with that. But my work with incarcerated people and particularly this group of men out of CTF Soledad in California and seeing them transformed. Knowing that this is possible, watching the remorse that they have for their victims, for the victims families and becoming transformed men who are positively contributing to the community. You know, I remember when I first started getting connected with them, the the leader of that group, like he said, there's no throwaway people.

And I just loved that, you know, because it's so true. Like, we are not the some of the worst things that we've ever done. We can be different. we can't be better. The Compassion Prison Project is an amazing organization that goes into prisons, right? Fritzi is incredible because what is, like she says, prisons are just full of traumatized people, there's reasons why they're doing the things they are doing. Trauma is a huge one. Gabor Mate's work on addictions, trauma. It's the ACEs. It is. And I just want people to know it.

You know, I think that thing, if we start the loop, ACE is the appetizer. Get it, understand it and know. Figure out your next steps. Because again, for me, this is the awareness. I cannot be the solution to the problem. And when I go out and do these trainings, I make sure that I know that there are so many alternatives out there. Like how you said with your book, i'm surprised that you are not a writer. but there are so many things out there that I'm a huge advocate for extracurricular activity.

In creative writing, I would consider it's extricurricula activity, you know what I mean? So yeah. Absolutely. I think you are, but I am telling you, if you can do what you're doing now, You can save so much people and you already know that you in the field doing that already. You have to tell us some of the things that your doing though, because you doing a lot. For sure, there is. So like I say, I'm in-house legal counsel for an amazing organization called Sharp Circle. I started that with Chris Johnson.

He's our executive director. Say out of CTF Soledad, he was released, and I met him just after he released. And he sentenced to 65 years for a series of armed robberies that he committed and then came out after 15. Because of the work that he did on himself and he's an incredible guy did write about him in my book because he was worth writing about in My book and and so now he has taken the the life ownership packet that He created which is what you know he used to be found suitable it was It was really a self-reflection piece that took a look at the harm that he caused.

Why did he cause it? What were these contributing factors? what were internalized to him? But also, what was the societal contribution? And this is the thing, I feel like we've put people in two camps. Either it's your fault and you need to fix it, or it society's fault, and society is terrible and we're all damned. I'm like, both. We can hold both. It's a tension, but we have two hands because we can Hold both we are responsible for our own choices.

Parenting, Family Healing, and Breaking Cycles 27:45

But we as a society are also responsible For creating conditions that are failing people and contributing to them causing harm. An example of that is that we are so set on punishment and feel like punishment is going to transform. If I just put you in this prison for this length of time, then you're going be reformed and come out. Except for the fact that prisons are scary, horrible places. They don't rehabilitate. There they're not safe. It's really bad. And then you come out, and one of my friends, he had his identity stolen while he was in there.

Someone took out seven credit cards in his name. And he like, I was prison. I did not do this. But it took him years to deal with that. So he no credit. How could he do that? He didn't have job history. how do you get a job? How do get housing when you've got this criminal record? So everything is stacked against him, but yet he is an incredible guy. He had done his work. And so I see how these cycles continue. I See why our recidivism rates are continuing to increase. Yeah. Because we're setting people up to fail.

and then we go, oh, look at you making those bad decisions. You're just a bad person. But we gave them no alternative. Like, really, come on. Come on, get into it. Right? You are responsible for your decisions, but it's hard when your option is one, maybe two. You know what I mean? Can we set people up for success? And are some people going to exploit that? For sure. I'm not going rosy color it, you know, or pretend that. However, that like 98% that use that to build themselves a better life and then increase and enhance their community, I'm not willing to sell them out for the two percent that exploit it.

Come on, y'all heard what she said. We're not sitting around playing with yall. Let me tell yaw, because there's people out here that really is ready to heal. You have people I hear that want to help you guys. you Guys have to take the necessary steps. And this is the reason why I appreciate you, because you are a beast for real, not just a book. That's why, I said, let me go ahead and put you out here right now. Yeah, she in this community hard. The restorative justice piece was it for me. But then I can see how your story has built you to be such a wonderful creature for healing.

You're an advocate. You are doing what you're doing. So you have to understand that. I know you know it, but you to know how many people are going to be helped and saved just by telling your story. They don't even know who you are yet. And I'm happy that you here. Let's talk about legacy. Mom, children, kids. Yeah, I have four amazing, beautiful legacies. Two of them, have successfully made it to adulthood, two are on their way and I'm so thankful. I love like I loved my adult kids. I mean I do I did love the little squishy, you know little ones But but that was a lot I means throw in a temper tantrum because you you cut their sandwich wrong or whatever it is You know, and I go through Facebook and the memories, You Know and and The things that my kids have said and done and there was like, oh my gosh, I don't know how I survived that either I think I was exhausted like 24-7.

So to have older kids, I really do love this opportunity. And seeing my kids... I talk a lot too with my kid. I just texted them again this morning. Just a reminder, that I know I'm the worst parent to you two than I am to your younger siblings. Because they were the first ones. They were like, they don't want to be like my parents. because I didn't learn different. I just wanted, but just wanting something doesn't mean anything. You can be like, I want to be a millionaire. To have this, you know, fantastic partner.

Great. And like you have to actually do things. So I wanted to Be a better parent and just thought that would be good enough and that I knew what I Didn't want be, But didn t know any different So with them, like they were my huge learning curve and certainly not that i've been a Better parent to my younger kids, But better, you know what I mean? Like, it's not, I'm not perfect, for sure. We're still learning. And especially my third, like, he's totally different than any of my other kids. It was like oh, what happened here?

You know? I could not parent him the same way as the others. Like it was, oh my gosh. So yeah, so they're, and they were my test guinea pigs. As I started to learn about restorative justice, we would sit down and I'd be like hey, were gonna family circle. They're like ugh, mom. We have to do these things. We did. And I was like, look, because restorative justice isn't just about crime. It's literally about our relationships with each other. When you look at Plato and Aristotle, that's what they talk about.

Justice is our relationship. when things are unjust, we're out of alignment. we are not in a good way with one another. So bringing us back into a circle and addressing conflict addressing harm in ways that put victims needs at the center that create conversation that don't just lay blame. We see that in our criminal justice system. Whose fault is it? You've got a defendant that's doing everything they possibly can to mount a defense to shift blame instead of taking responsibility and accountability.

So that that is not conducive to healing. That's not justice. So yeah, my kids got the brunt of all of my tests and learning and let's look at this and but I mean I do love it now like my daughter I was up for a visit because the two adult ones live in Canada my two younger ones lived with me here in California and And so I went out there and my dad and I had you know, it's like a disagreement. She texts me She says mom, I just don't feel heard right now. Can we circle up when you get back to the house?

Yes, yes, we can, you know, versus like, I'm thinking back to like my experience, looking back in the first couple of chapters, of how conflict was handled in my home. Like, it's not the same thing. And that is a reflection of of that trial and error i did used to yell at my kids you know like i that was my automatic go-to and having the big freak outs and whatever you, know and again like god bless fritzy because she's been open and transparent about her story too like she experienced the same kind of a thing trauma background kind, of being a terrible parent and going, oh God, you know, but recognizing it's coming from that trauma.

So we have to address that. We have work through those things. And you're saying that just reminds me, I say it all the time on the podcast, But I get pulled to have conversations, of course, like you do on other podcasts. And I will never forget my second daughter, she shares. I didn't catch it at first, but she kept talking about me giving her a whooping in the same red dress. And she said it a couple of times and I stopped, I said, did that bother you? And, and she was like, cause I still don't know why I got a whupping.

Like, why did I get a whooping? My dress was cute. And I just don't do it anymore. I don t know why I did it in the first place. It was because that was the rule or whatever. But after a while I'm like, yeah, this really doesn't make sense at all. So I stopped. No reason to do. I have to commend your daughter because yeah. She said it, listen, I like that. Let's go around and get this together. But that that's a strength for you. You can tell because you put that in them. It starts from the home.

Okay. Well, anybody says it starts. The home, if we're doing it then what are the kids going to learn? Yeah, so so back for that though. Yeah. Thank you. I appreciate it. It's but it's like you said like I had the same thing. You know, like they used to hit kids in the school, this was accepted. This was permissible. Adults held the authority. That was that. You were seen and not heard. It was Mr. And Mrs. you did not talk back and all those kinds of things. So again, there's a lot of that ingrained in me.

When I started learning about alternative discipline methods, I realized like wait a second whenever i'm spanking my kids. I'm really angry That's why i've hit my kid and then I realize like well when i'M not angry I can actually like problem solve other methods and work through

Expanding ACEs and Finding Amanda Online 36:45

different ways of discipline So once I calm down, I actually didn't want to hit them. So I was like, oh Yeah, this is terrible. I'm not doing this anymore, you know, and I and and so it was like, yeah, we're done. We're not. But that's to say, like my oldest two. Yeah. They got spanked. By my younger two, not really. You know? Like it. Was I had changed. trial and error, like you said. But we lived and we learned. And I will say this. You had ACES back in 1998. We had all the things that they put up on there.

2023, they added some things, but it's 2025. If you had an opportunity to add something to that list, what would it be? That's a good question. That puts me right on the spot. I'm trying to think of something specific. Plenty. Well, that's the thing. There is kind of a lot, right? There are some more things. Like, I think that the general aces does cover some of the basics. you know, but I feel like there could be like a version 2.0 that expands. And that's what I want to do because I will tell this.

I've had so many people. Of course, sex trafficking is not on there. However, if you go on the sex traffic and website, it's on their they're like adverse childhood experiences and I respect that. But abortion has been the major discussion. I think they put it under foster care, but I thing people are looking for the words and the terms and things. So I have a lot of people that I support in that regard because it depends on the person that is sharing the story. And so I'm interested in looking things, I live, from Chicago and this immigration is a big deal.

What are we going to talk about stuff like financial abuse? I feel like Financial Abuse is included in a lot of things, but when I tell you this ACES 2.0 has been an eye-opener for a lotta people because trauma has evolved, you know what I mean? It's not just so basic anymore. So that's the reason why I asked because we're out here. You're in the restorative justice community and there are other things that are stemming from that. I'm meeting so many people that are talking about ACEs. They put ACE with physical therapy.

It's so people are really using the terms and using words to make sense because we have to, because it's really helping our physical as well. I have the axe because people don't think about it. Yeah, that really is a good question. So I had to ask that one. But I do have one more. If there is one thing that you can say to someone just beginning their healing journey, what would it be? OK, I'm going to back up one second before I go to your next question. Because I think one piece that didn't mention that I am sure you already know and would include, though, too, is discrimination based on race, sex, and gender.

That's a big one, because a lot of the ACEs, to look at what's inside the home, But sometimes some of that trauma is outside of the home, you know, in your school that you're going to school every day and being told things or like you said, with with ice and be terrorized and afraid to like leave your home. Am I safe? Those kinds of things. But yeah, so and we know there's systemic discrimination. So I think that that's got to be in 2.0. So before I answer your next question. Oh, that actually in there.

That's what made me kind of step out and do what I'm doing now. Thank the Lord. I am faith based. I believe in what we are doing as you see, I am happy to be here and have people like you prove the point because you can go through your experiences and survive. So you have to understand this is a big deal. But this 2.0, the systemic racism is what happened to me. I go into spaces now when I'm doing trainings or when doing things. and I don't introduce myself at all because people have discriminated against me.

I earned everything. i got this degree before chat gbt existed and so it's like an educated black woman for real yep. I actually took my master's of business administration before I went and got all of my degrees because I was so motivated after I, my first born changed my life, she did, really. So I totally get it, but this is just, it's my strength to help me heal. Just like your book is so much power. Your book gives power, your story gives powerful. So we have to be the ones to go out there and share so people can understand.

And I think that's the reason why I like you. That's why you're here. You have tell the world, where can they find you? Yeah, so, I mean, my website, amandacurrasco.com, that's, you know, first and foremost easiest. But also easier is socials, right? If you look for Amanda, the brave one, then you can find me in all the places. And I answer, i do have a team that like helps me. So when you see my posts, You can figure out like which ones are actually mine and which one is this like really, really educated, wonderful, resourceful room that I have working with me because So you don't know your strengths and weaknesses and act accordingly.

So I have. I'm learning, though. Oh, my gosh. And it's been such a fun opportunity for me and my youngest daughter to go on TikTok. There are sometimes be some little TikTok things that we've been playing with and doing. It's just so great. Such a fine way for you to connect with her and do things. She jokes that she's my social media manager. Not technically, but she does help my TikTok I'm off of mine, surprisingly. People don't know that I want... No, I am not going to say people don' know. Yes, they do.

I have three girls, so you have to understand. i am a mom. A girl mom, They are different. They do not act alike. But when it comes time to dancing and singing and doing all that stuff, maybe we on there. So I, am pretty popular on TikTok. It is funny to me, but yeah, i'm on all the social medias, But I wanna see you on Tik Tok. We'll connect up. I think I've only seen you on Instagram. We should do some kind of collab. Something fun. Well, I am happy that you're here and I know the community is going to grab you because you are so powerful.

So I thank you for being here. You guys know where to find me? I'm everywhere on social media. Dr. Victorious Everywhere. And as you see, another fabulous episode with a wonderful cycle breaker. Amanda, I thank you so much for being here. God bless you guys. Take care. See you, guys, very soon. Goodbye.