Be VicTORIEus Live Show from the 2025 Aces Awareness Conference.

Podcast Anniversary and Live Introduction 0:00

So for you all that don't know, Beat Victoria's podcast is officially three years old. Wow. The bomb dropped. Okay. And with that being said, I am very happy to say this is the first time we have ever done a live. Can I get another bomb, please? Another bomb. Thank you. Shout out to my son. This real man is Siobhan Cooley, known to everyone as Mr. Superman himself. He ain't skinny. I always wanted to know why you wanted skinny, but OK. My son is part of man, so it kind of works. Yeah, I don't think it does.

So with that being said, I'm happy to be here with these lovely people. What I love about Amanda and legend, the name by itself is amazing. Thank you. Well, what I loved is that they have this foundation called 300 letters. Now I will share with you all, Jess Brown, she's called my mom. You all know her on social media as Maverick, my mommy I believe. She's an ace of the master. What she did was introduce me to you all because she wanted me look into you organization. So can you tell us about 300 letters?

Absolutely. Oh, you want to give us a mic? Oh you can hear us. Check check check.

300 Letters and the Incarceration Backstory 2:06

Well, first off, we're so happy and so honored to be here. We flew all the way from Miami guys. What's up Chicago? But 300 Letters is a nonprofit organization. It's a community, but it's really a lifeline of our our journey through incarceration. So 300 Letters actually represents the amount of letters that we wrote to each other while we were incarcerated. And 300 letters is a organization that offers mental health, emotional support, just different resources for families who are currently navigating an incarceration experience.

Children with justice-impacted parents, that is who we work with. That's a little bit about 300 letters. So you said you all wrote 300 letters to each other? Yes. Absolutely. and you wrote to each other in jail? In prison, yep. Federal prison. So you two were in federal prison? Yeah. Yeah, kind of my fault on that part. OK. Now. I was here. Well, let's take a pause. Let's make a little pause Thank you, thank you. An incarcerated parent falls under what category? It's one of the original aces. know about ACEs and have an ACE's score.

What's your ACE score? We have the same score No, that's romance. We do everything together. So let's make sense of this, because remember, we don't talk about this. You all were an incarcerated couple. When did this start? Were you all boyfriend and girlfriend before you went through? Yeah. Do you want us? OK. Is that you? Well, I think it started with our aces, to be honest with you. You know what I mean? Because this is something that is very much started from childhood. And the way we came together, it's a long story.

I guess we got time. So we met each other on college night in Miami. A lot played out. But in short, we were both kind of like the same soul, like we would both like, kind like just lost and navigating through life, just doing what we knew out of survival. And I don't know, I just... When I was drawn to her and I met her, we kicked it off immediately, but I just always wanted to support her be there for her. I always had that role in my household since 16, 15. And I already was the man of the house.

Then I meet this motherly figure. She was already a mother, she just wore it. It wasn't like a new mother. Right then I just the woman I wanted for the rest of my life and to raise my kids. So like just kind of how we just kinda got drawn together. I know that's like one of the aces as well, like, just starting off and having to take on that responsibility very early. We were both in a survival mindset, I would say, which made us make these decisions together, and I was obviously on a path. I was like, you want to ride with me?

And she was riding with and then before I knew it, we had this whole story. Or now, first I get my bachelor's degree in December, and by January I got a federal indictment. And so everything kind of played out from there. But two weeks into her incarceration census, she finds out that she's pregnant. So now we're like, we got a whole other situation happening. She's going to give birth in there. I'm about to go in prison myself. So 300 letters down the road. We have another newborn. And we have two kids.

Here we are. What are we going do? Are we just going let this situation pass by us? Because we could just bounce back from it and continue life. Or we can just take action on this and actually do something about the people who are in our situation. who want to do better and who wanna know that this one thing doesn't define us, that it's something that, you know, we can move past and we still deserve to have a good life and still thrive with everything that we've been through. So, yeah. Superhero.

Okay. Federal prison. Yes. And you were in jail with So a first-time offender never been trouble in my life You know that is something that I had never even thought of but coming from a family in Survival mode, you know, and my my upbringing was very unstable in a sense where Mom and dad were separated since I was born one lives across the country and it was like back and forth back And forth my entire life so It was always about the now, the making new friends, how is my life going to go now? And then it was never about future.

So when I think about when i got in trouble at a federal indictment at the age of 23, we were 23 when that happened, were 34 now. It was not something that I ever thought could happen. Not a possibility, not a thing that popped up in my mind. Making unaware decisions, you know. Hey, can you send this through Western Union, babe, during your lunch break? during your 12-hour shift, absolutely, I'll send the money quick.

ACEs, Trauma, and Reframing the Story 8:18

It's something, so that unawareness and that survival mode and living in that state of mind, you're not thinking of possibilities. You're thinking about outcomes. you are not in a state a creation. And that's where we both were. We were both there. So to tell me at 23 that I was going to be sentenced to a two-year sentence in federal prison, I thought my world was completely over. My oldest son was five at the time. I couldn't imagine what my future was going to hold and how I was gonna be able to navigate now that journey.

Two weeks after I get there, I find out I'm pregnant. And it was a huge shock, something we were not like, that was way behind. That wasn't something that we're thinking about either, you know? And I find out I'm pregnant and it was because I was there and I just went for a jog. I always like, okay, there's nothing else to do. You got to work out. So hence why we're personal trainers now. So I go on a jog and I feel a cramp. And I'm like, that's not normal. I shouldn't be feeling a crank right now while I am running.

So, I tell him like the next day, actually go to the medical and like hey, can we do a pregnancy test? I actually realized that my cycle was late. She was like no, we can't do that on Sunday. Come back tomorrow, the nurse. which shout out to her, she became a real huge support system for me during that time. And I just like, I remember the guilt just overcoming my entire body. Like I, just remember freezing and thinking about my oldest son, thinking the experience that we were currently navigating and what that was going to look like for us.

Do you all know that no one has ever asked him a question? In pieces. Everybody knows already the reason why we created 300 Letters as far as we were incarcerated, we went to prison, came home, got back on our feet. We created this for people like us and for families to thrive after this experience. Which is already traumatic in itself and, you know, needs more light shed upon it. But nobody has asked us the backstory or why, how it led to us making these crazy decisions, which at the time didn't seem crazy, it just seemed normal to.

You know what I mean? So I actually had this conversation earlier, like, why did we decide to just do these things, and why didn't you run away the second I told you some crazy shit? You know what I mean? Why didn''t you just turn around and run the other way? Because it didn' t seem crazy to her, it just seemed like it was normalized. I was numb to it. But when they when, they start from your household right then it's it even trickier to Manage or be aware of or even understand right so when these red flags are coming from home from Your family from the people that we trust to guide seasons of our life and help us manage certain situations but when you don't have conversations that are needed in every household, with every child.

That's when things can take a turn really quick. 15 seconds, a decision of 15 second can lead to a lifetime in prison. A life sentence. But look at God. Yeah, but look a God every single day, every day. And that's the reason why 300 letters is thriving. Absolutely. Always. Amen. I will share, because me and Amanda, so don't get down on two guys. We got in close. I like everybody. The other day she was on her way going to the prison. So tell us more about your service and what you guys do. So 300 Letters, we have four core programs.

We have Healing Hearts, which is a 12-week program for justice-impacted parents with minor children, family therapy, emotional support, life coaching, and a child care financial stipend so that families can focus on healing and rebuilding their family post-navigation. So, thank you. So that program is for parents with minor children and that programs is to help families understand their journey and have access to therapy and resources and the community that they need to understand, their adverse childhood experiences, the trauma in their lives that have led to incarceration, but also educate.

A lot of people don't know that just like one in three people have an A score, one and three have a criminal background. more people in our country have a criminal background than people with a bachelor's degree. We have the highest incarceration rates in the world. 25% of the worlds incarcerated population is right here in U.S. but we only make up 4% percent of world population. So let's stop and pause for this educational. Living with an incarcerated parent is under what category? Household dysfunction.

And I told you Francine knows that already. Shout out to Francene. Because we're not having this conversation, you guys, but do you hear you, guys? We normalize it. They just came down here spitting some facts. And the fact is, I've never been a federal person. They have. If you want to know seriously why people like us pour into our nonprofits, it's because it is real. they don't want those children to go through what they went through. Absolutely not. That's more likely. Because I don' want people to do what I have been through already.

Bully? Cool. I was not the bully, I promise, but I protected myself. But there was bullies out there. It's real. And it starts, like you said, in the family. Our, since the inception of the organization, it always starts with family. So to rebuild and restructure a family that has gone through incarceration is critical, not only to the family, to individuals and the children, but to community at large. People think, oh, that's their issue, and not me. But currently, one in 14 children in the US have a parent that is incarcerated right now.

And that's a huge number. So if we care about nurturing and pouring into our future generations, this is a conversation that has to be had. And this a conference for awareness? Community? She's so animated. And empowerment. So, yeah, I thought you knew I was extra, based on how we talked. You're so extra but not, you're extra. I love it. If you don't... I'm here for it But facts is facts. That's just like one in three have an ACES score. But let's be clear, the one to three in here is everybody.

Because we don't want to have a conversation. We want it to be perfect, but we was all bored in the scene. Oh, OK, y'all can have that conversation, we'll wait until tomorrow. Oh, okay. Let me go back to the Tarters, because when I think of superheroes, this is what I'm thinking about. Because we want to think something's wrong with having aces when we're all of the same story. Absolutely. Have you been to prison? He has. And if he could come out and help other people, how come we can't do that?

That's how I'm at. Yeah. Absolutely. So I always don't call you a superhero. I actually came in to tell everybody in this room who has an ace that we are superheroes because we could use our aces to turn it into a power, right? And I mean, there's a couple ways to do that, but first we have to address, and that's what we're doing here, acknowledging that it exists. acknowledging that ACE makes a difference in the way that we come up in life, the we handle ourselves, what we think, we remove, everything like that.

And then once we acknowledge that, then we could take that power, I mean, or take the ACE and we have a decision to make at that point. We can either be a victim or we can be victorious.

Healing Programs, Resources, and Where to Find Them 17:28

Hold on now. I ain't gonna charge you for that one, I'm gonna let you hold on to it. Yes, so yeah, we all have a choice to make, right? Because we could have easily got our time and sat in bed and cried for two and a half years, three years. But we decided to take our and run with it and do something that means something, all right. So the first thing I did was I made an action plan. I was like, alright, I know that fitness is popping. And I knew that people need three things in all walks of life.

They need fitness, they need music, and they food. Something in these areas. So I decided to go into fitness because I was working out like three four hours a day and You know, I really got a lot of discipline out of that and it made me feel good It made feel a good mentally physically obviously on top of the I had to stay on my game for this woman right here Cuz I knew she was gonna be looking good when I came home. So So But with that said, you have the decision that you had to make, right? And I made my action plan.

The action that we have to do for something like this is first we had recognize, we got to recognize the ace. We have know what we're dealing with in order to proceed from it. Hey you guys, it's me Dr. Tory. My book is officially out. And yes, it is time to talk about aces. You guys can find the books everywhere. However, I would encourage you guys to go to my website, bevictorious.com and place your order today. Yes, It's time, to Talk About Aces. Let's go y'all. So, all right, so we recognize, we reframe.

There's a lot of power in reframing. For example, the word of feather, they're gonna call us feathers for the rest of our lives. So we decided to refrane that mindset. And we took the work, and now it means formally enshroud leaders over power and negativity. All right. They don't call it that feather. We're going to reframe it, right? And so then, finally, you got to rebuild. Now we have all this knowledge, But now we have to produce something. We have produce books, we produce organizations, businesses and hire people who are affected like us because my first job in fitness was given to me by somebody who was also locked up in the same in the same prison as me.

You know what I mean? So we have to hold ourselves to higher standards, recognize, you know, and that's another power that we choose, that empathetic toward that, but we've been through this. So now we can go ahead and take that pain and we could recognize it in other people and know that what they've gone through and knowing somebody needs a break. And so by doing all these things, we would take action steps and use our story to make a better outcome for our children and make better outcomes for the community.

talk about this all day but we got a whole conference tomorrow right? Tell us where we can find first 300 letters and you because there might be some people that want fitness or honestly share your story because it's a lot of felons and I'm saying felon on your acronym that need to know who they are They don't know that. Like you say, if some people take that, depression and anxiety is real. People don' t know it's really a illness. I was dealing with functional depression when I got home. And anxiety through the roof.

When I returned home as a mother of two children and he was still incarcerated, I would, where some of the people experiencing that they don''t know where to start, right? It's an overwhelming feeling of I don't know where to start, you know, I just, they go inward. Me, it was like an energizer button, where I was trying to do every single thing in one day, in moment, and it caught up to me in a really hard way, so yeah, is very real, we deal with it without even knowing, because in that household, yeah.

We go through so much. as a mother, and your kids watched you go through that. Shout out to the kids. Because we got to wear this mask regardless. And I think that's why it's kind of functional depression, because we can't, as mothers, sit around. We don't have time. But for the ones that have, what do you do? You know what I mean? So again, we can continue to have this conversation if we want to do more, but let them know where they can find you. So we, all of our programs are virtual, and... So that's why we only went to one.

Oh, I only looked at one program. It's okay. But our website, 300letters.org, our Instagram handle, Facebook is the same, LinkedIn is same. All of that. But we serve families through one of our programs all across Florida, so you don't have to be in Miami, all over Florida. And one our our program for caregivers of minor children with an incarcerated parent. That one we have currently families all around the nation. In Pennsylvania, in New Jersey, because it's an empowerment series. We're not nationwide, but one day we will be, that's the goal.

But we are serving families all over the nation. So where can they find you guys? Personally? Where can. They. Find. You. Guys. Oh, first of all, yes. Sorry. I'm like, wait, physically, you want to pull out some of that? My Instagram handle is truthbyamanda, Amanda Tarver. And my Instagram handles, IamLegendFitness. And then the general manager of Miami is the best general in Miami. Legacy. That's all. It's the real name, you guys. The legend. Let me see your glasses. Well, I thank you, guys, because we got a lot going on.

Closing Reflections and Superhero Sign-Off 24:18

I appreciate you guys telling your story, because again, you're superheroes. So if you are a superhero, what superhero would you be? And we'll end with that. You go first. I guess based off the soup I got on the handcuff. Okay. Can I get yours? Yeah, please. She misses incredible. Well, as the Wonder Woman I am. You all have seen another episode, my first live episode. I think we got so much. And you guys can find me, Dr. Victorious, everywhere. I have a YouTube channel that you all need to subscribe to.

It's DrVictorious. My DrVictorious on Instagram, Facebook. my website is bvictorius.com. And I also have book called, it's time to talk about ACES Live, because we are superheroes. So thank you, guys, again, for coming. God bless the night.