Clear Emotional Blocks For Enhanced Fertility

Introduction to Zachary Feder 0:00

Welcome to the Beyond Infertility Summit. I'm your host, Dr. Aumatma And today I want to introduce you to Zachary Feder. He is an author and transdisciplinary healer with within the psycho emotional and spiritual domains, working in private practice as an analyst and a healer, as well as offering training for healers looking to expand their understanding of the intrinsic nature of the psyche. Zachary's expertize comes from both his years working in his practice and working to support companies in leadership and cultural in leadership and cultural development, and as an in-house psychosomatic specialist under Dr. Dietrich Klinghardt heart at the Sophia Health Institute.

Over the course of the 20 years, he's explored every major modality within the field of the mind body connection from Jungian to archetypical analysis to somatic experiencing family constellations, transpersonal hypnotherapy and so much more. What you will hear in our conversation today is really unique. And bear with us because you're going to hear some very raw moments of us kind of exploring what is happening in the realm of fertility from the perspective of the mind body connection. And I think at least in the 17 plus years I've been in practice, I have definitely seen how much reliance there is on the physical

Archetypal View of Infertility 1:58

we're always talking about this hormone and that hormone, but the reliance on the or even acknowledgment of the emotional, psycho, spiritual is very minimal. Yet those layers actually play such a deep role in what it is that's happening for people. And you're going to hear us talk about one of my favorite things to talk about in the fertility realm, which is our energetics, the masculine and feminine. And it's really cool to hear it from a male perspective. And he until you, like, find out what he sees is happening.

So this is going to be an awesome conversation. I hope you love it and stay till the end because he shares two different techniques that you can do for yourself at home for free that are going to help you connect with this psycho emotional space that can be so, so, so supportive in supporting your fertility journey to have a faster outcome to having that baby that you're dreaming of. So let's go. Welcome. Zachary Feder, it's so great to have you here. I very excited to talk about your unique perspective and your unique take on the psycho emotional aspects of fertility.

What, in your opinion or in in your experience is going on in terms of infertility? It seems like there is an epidemic there. The number of people that are struggling with this is drastically growing at a very fast pace, I might add, than ever before in history. What do you what's your take on what's happening? Thank you so much for having me. So when I look at what's happening at the macro level in the world, I look at it through an archetypal lens. Right. So what's the archetypal symbolism and dynamics of infertility?

Right. It's this idea of there's an interruption in an iterative pattern of self-replication that has been stable since the beginning of human history. Right. And that's really important to remember that for those of us who are experiencing infertility in one form or another, our lineages have been able to self-replicate up to us for probably 3 million years. And so there's something in life that is saying that which you repeat needs to stop and heal or change in some way. That iterative process has been interrupted, and maybe where I would go on with that is, I would say, looking at the mainstream world, and I always say I do a lot through a psycho emotional psychosomatic lens.

We're in a time perhaps where boundaries are being broken more than ever before due to the proliferation of screen culture, perhaps more than anything else. And what that does specifically is it contaminates the archetypal symbolism of the feminine as a container. Right. It's a womb It's a vessel. It's a grail. It's a chrysalis. All symbols of the feminine that just states new life that perpetuate the species. Right. And so one of the first things I look at when I hear

Masculine Overdrive and Loss of the Feminine 5:38

about infertility is we want to see and not just on the feminine level, but the masculine also has its its correlate to it psychologically, emotionally, physiologically, spiritually. Where is the feminine vessel being contaminated? Where are the conditions for new life being undermined, whether in the family, whether personally, whether in culture at large, whether it's through our phones, whether through the ancestry. There are several lenses we can look at, but that's probably my opening to it.

It's the fact that boundaries that should not be crossed are being crossed. Interesting. So this is it's very interesting where you went with this because I'm very excited to talk about the feminine and it's actually my passion project right now. I'm curious, in your observation, in your experience with the people that you're working with, what do you feel like there is if? Is there like a depletion? I don't know if that's the right word. It's more like we've veered towards a very masculine approach to living in this world, and that's worked relatively well for us for a long time.

But there used to be more balance, and it's as society grows and develops, we continue moving more and more towards the masculine. And we're forgetting in men and women that there is this like feminine aspect that is crucial to our being. And when we forget that it is, it's creating problems. And one of those problems is fertility, because at the core of it like that is the feminine in infinite wisdom and action. Yes, exactly. I couldn't have said it better myself. I do. Sometimes I will think that you're on the medical side of the street and I'm on the the kind of psycho emotional side of the street.

I do think the medical side is you're going to definitely see more masculinity there. And I think if I was to invite you for a weekend to explore all the practitioners I know over here, there's definitely a wonderful supporting and empowering and deepening into the feminine in a way that is very rebalancing. But to your point, I think throughout civilization's ages we have swung from one pole to the other. Whether it's the matriarchal tribes and civilizations or to the more patriarchal. And we are certainly in a time now where there's a struggle.

And and I actually believe there's an integration taking place, which is finally I do actually think that the trans movement, for example, the non-binary movement, is very much an externalization of the balancing of the feminine and the masculine within the human being. And of course, it's utterly essential for all aspects of life. The feminine is like the shield and the masculine is like the sword. There are two wars of our boat. Everyone I work with, we all start off marginalizing one of our masculine feminine polarities and through life we're invited to grow that one and maybe tone down the other one.

And so that's a huge part of my work and it's utterly rehabilitating, to be honest. But if you were looking at mainstream culture in general, like you would see that we have left brain masculine sickness where we're all about getting things done, not letting them see you sweat, pushing forward, ticking off the to do list, never stopping. And the whole sense of and certainly not feeling that's another one. It's a terrible pathology. That screen time and the digital explosion has really done is that it's undermined young people's ability to feel.

Trauma, Dissociation, and Emotional Accumulation 9:35

And that is one of the most destructive things that I have seen, let alone the kind of the provocative nature of a lot of media and marketing, which is undermining so much of our young women's self-esteem and health, self-worth, you name it. And, of course, all of that is being pushed by a very masculine agenda, right? Entire mainstream marketing behemoth is run in a very masculine way. Right. It's let's try and pry your attention out of your body where it should be. It should be residing in the body consciousness, especially if you are interested in bringing new life into the world. Right.

Your attention, your awareness, should be sitting and anchored in your body. And almost from the get go we arrive into life and that awareness through engineers, like legions of engineers and marketers, try to pry our awareness out and to focus it on something else that ultimately they try to make us purchase, that profits them and not us. And this is what we're seeing is one of the great causes of mental illness right now. So we could go into a bunch of different areas, if that's my response. Yeah, yeah.

So in terms of fertility, because that's what at least our listeners are here for this, what you said resonates a lot in terms of checking things off the to do list or go do like that kind of attitude. And I think that a lot of women that struggle with fertility actually like uber masculine, nice in that way because that's what they know, that's what they're used to. That's what culture has given us so far. And I'm curious how we can help ground. Ground ourselves back into the feminine that is more that place of like intuition and accessing our are like beingness over the doing this.

So what happens is we start running and we start doing and we start distracting ourselves. And the mainstream consumerist industrial complex really encourages that and it rewards that not necessarily with rewards that are truly fulfilling, but it rewards it nonetheless. And what ends up happening is that we not only become addicted to those distractions, but we begin to accumulate trauma and pain in our bodies that we're not addressing, so that when we have moments of downtime and our attention returns to the body, it suddenly becomes a dangerous place.

And what happens in most families that I've seen is that everyone conspires to keep each other above water, like outside of the body, never going in the husband, the wife, the kids. Everyone is trying to keep themselves out of this pain because they think it's now something to avoid rather than something to actually metabolize and process. It's like wearing clothes three times and then not having a washing machine in your house. So what are we supposed to do with all that dirty clothes or the brushing your teeth or doing the laundry or the dishes?

And what we're doing as a culture is we're taking all of the dishes and all of the dirty clothes, and we're throwing them into the basement and we're turning around and then we're getting along with our life and we're continuing to accumulate more and more. And what happens over time is that the basement gets more and more full, and we start to think that something's wrong. We have to start taking more medication to try to disassociate ourselves further from what is a natural human experience of accumulating pain and metabolizing learning to do that right, like doing your internal psychological dishes.

And that's something that I'm hugely passionate about right now in terms of I try and train a lot of people in families with that with regards to their psycho emotional hygiene in the family and teaching young people to do that because those are the ones who are going to save us. It's the generations below us that we are going to teach from the get go so that actually learn the language of psyche as a mother tongue. They learn the language of processing emotions as a mother tongue. Most people don't even speak it. It's become it.

For many adults, it's a dead language. They have no idea what processing emotion is. And unfortunately, the powers that be would like to persuade you that there's no such thing. And that's Annex is the answer for alcohol. So whatever else what you said is curious, because a lot of people that I talk to may not relate to this idea that they have trauma or that, yes, I have this trauma, but trauma or these hard emotions are often thought of as moments in time, right? Oh, yeah. That thing happened when I was 12.

And that's my trauma. Instead of what you're suggesting is we're accumulating these dirty dishes every day. It's not just that moment in time. It's little micro. Maybe they're micro traumas in some way that we're accumulating daily. It's both. And it's I know it's a big shock for some people when they hear. And just to be clear, some people it's not even it's not right for them to address their trauma. There's a certain stage in life and sometimes we get to it and sometimes we don't where we're ready to take that on.

And we never want to force people to we don't want to

How Unprocessed Pain Affects Fertility 15:30

wave our finger at people and say we're all traumatized. But the truth is, we are all traumatized. I would say that I think with the the amount of toxicity in the world today, we probably will have some version of brain damage. Right. In terms of the microplastics, the heavy metals, this is just we have to acknowledge not that detoxification should be as important as brushing your teeth. Right. So from a functional medicine standpoint, this is much more obvious from a psycho emotional standpoint.

Yeah, we have we all have traumas, I guarantee you that. And they don't even have to be big. It's not we're not even talking catastrophic head trauma. We're talking about Ms. Attunement. When you're four and five and six, that will create trauma. And all trauma really is to some degree, it doesn't have to be some big capital T trauma. What it does, it's something that modulates you in a way that moves you away from your kind of God given homeostasis. That's what trauma is. It's a crosswind that pushes you off the ultimate target of your life.

So I guess the question that comes up for me is like, how do you know that's what's happening? Or That's what has happened already? Just look, this the rule of thumb would be look at the patterns in your life, right? Trauma will create patterns. So everywhere there's a kind of a maladaptive pattern in your life, arguing with your mom every Sunday, constantly not avoiding your dad, having issues with men, having issues with women, drinking, eating the three tubs of ice cream every Friday after work.

Having the two glasses of some of this stuff is considered normal in some regards, but we want to start to look at it as life is unbelievably stressful right now. So there's the trauma piece, but then there's just existential pain and just being alive, like being alive right now with two wars going on that actually accumulates in the body. And what once again, most of us do to relieve the pressure of it, which is totally different from processing it and getting it out of your system. But what most of us do to relieve the pressure of it is we party for want of a better term, right?

We party, we go out, we drink, we have a blowout, right? And it relieves pressure, but it doesn't actually process the grief and the pain. Right. It's just like some way to divert our energy instead of being present with what is. Yes. Mm hmm. So in terms of fertility, then, how does this look like the avoidance or the escape from present reality? What's happening with our emotional state, all of those things. How does that go and impact fertility? Yeah. And once again, I just I guess I come back to the feminine and we can't marginalize the masculine.

But first and foremost, I would start with the feminine. Right? It's there's something and we're seeing it in the world that we're in a very specific time. Feminism has really been on the rise for a very overt way for 100 years, starting with Susan, B, Anthony and others. And that's been a wonderful thing. And of course, women are very much leading the charge in terms of their personal development, their internal development, their psycho emotional development. That's not news. That's just a fact.

But that's been a huge burden on women because they've had to lead the way and in many ways that has made them more masculine in some cases, which is then have downstream effects in marriage and everything else. And so I'll give you four areas that I approach whenever I either teach this or I'm involved in the process myself of how I would be addressing infertility. But if I was to give you an overarching approach to it, I look at it once again symbolically. You look at the Grail as the Grail then cracked, right?

Is it secure if a caterpillar is stepping into the chrysalis? Anyone who knows pathology knows that if there's one contaminant within the chrysalis, the butterfly will not emerge. Now, of course, the world is a little more robust, immune system is a little more robust. But I think we've hit a tipping point. That's a wave. That's what we're seeing in culture. Right. And that's why it's an epidemic, because there's a macro tipping point, a megatrend. And what I would say is the feminine has been both transgressed upon and it hasn't healed from the transgressions.

There's two pieces. One is that we're very resilient as human beings. The psyche is unbelievably resilience. One of my great passions in life, the human psyche, if I this talk about a work of genius in art is the human psyche. It has unbelievable mechanisms to keep us as functional as we are. Unbelievable. And one of them is dissociation and repression.

Supporting the Feminine in Relationships 20:38

That's probably the main defense mechanism for anything that goes around to us. Right. We have this thing called the unconscious, which is basically like a dumping ground in our basement. And anything that is in any way disturbing we throw in there. But once again, if you work with chronic illnesses that have to do with just general mental health or even just you name it, all forms of dysfunction in life, what you notice is that at some point the basement starts to overflow and the living room starts to smell.

And that's the moment where, you know, a case is traumas up, right? Something's going on here. We need to address this. So how I would address infertility is as a multidisciplinary right. That's what I offer to people. And those that's what I teach my students. Right? I'm like every modality is like a window to the house. And unfortunately we are still a little bit siloed in terms of modalities whereby a lot of practitioners will say they'll look through their one window and they'll say, this is what the inside of the house looks like.

You come to this window from this angle and that's the truth. What you're seeing in there is the authentic interior of the house. And of course, as we know, that's a limited perspective. And what we want is we want to have a number of perspectives that get to show us as many windows as possible. And then if we can, we want to circle the house. We want to go to all the windows we want to peak in. And now we're going to get a much more comprehensive understanding of what's going on. Right? So that's how I approach it too.

So understand the context and I would say it would be four fold, right? So the first approach with regards to infertility is the little bit of what we've been talking about current life conditions. Is the woman being supported and yeah, I'm hesitating because it's true. I think I think I'm being invited by my own intuition to step into something that I wasn't necessarily planning on going into, but the deeper element of what it means to support a woman, right? Yeah. So go deeper. I want the Deep South.

All right, you got it. So there's a superficial support, right? Is she being provided for? Is she being respected? Right. Is she being nurtured? To some degree. But that's the deeper piece, right? So there's a surface level of support and then there's what nurturing really means and which relates to really is who her partner. Right. Whether we're in a non-binary relationship or a traditional relation, doesn't matter. Is her partner able to act as a container for her? And I teach this to many men and I teach this to women, to because what the woman what I think is a fundamental archetype of the feminine needs and once again, we have it in both of us.

Right. But men have a feminine interiority as well, even if it is tiny in some men out there. Blessings to all. But the deeper nurturance, which really is a kind of training, is where the partner becomes the masculine and holds the container. It's a psycho emotional container. It is in enormous amounts of attunement. You are listening, but you are not just listening to the issue. This is the classic thing men and women squabbling, couples squabbling. It's not about the squabble. Stop squabbling.

She's not upset that you didn't do the dishes. You haven't taken out the trash or you raised it. She's not upset about that. It's an emotion within her is rising up to be metabolized and it's unconscious. And what she needs from you is a partner in that moment to say, hold on, I see something is rumbling from within. We can see, but why don't we sit down and then you stay very attuned and you hold the container, by which I mean you turn off the damn phone because the container cannot be contaminated.

You close the door and you allow her to descend into the basement. Where resides the grief and the pain and the angst or whatever it is? And if the partner is secure enough and unflinching enough so that they are not afraid, then the tears will come and she will begin to move that energy. She will begin to do those dishes and it'll rise to a peak. It'll hit a plateau, and then it'll taper off. Boom, processing session time. And we need to be doing that probably once a week, if not once every two weeks.

And it's really just astonishing and staggering and grief inducing to know how many women and men are going through life. Not only not knowing that this is a thing, but actively avoiding it because they think it's some kind of internal demon that is stalking them. And then they must have run from it's now it's your self calling out for care and for processing of this unruly, painful content that isn't going to go anywhere anyway, and it's only going to continue to accumulate. And of course, this is what we see with God bless our parents or grandparents.

Those those who are within are more or less our generation. You just look at your parents and your grandparents, God bless them all. But the majority of them are unbelievably dissociated. Yes, all of everything you said, it's like really powerful. I find that in the work that we do with couples, a lot of times the men or the masculine, the the one that's holding the container in that experience is what you pointed to earlier with like just being checked out. That's part a, but B, I think the deeper is that they don't always have the skill set to hold the container.

And that's something that hasn't been taught right is not being passed down. It's not being like children are mimicking it because it's missing. So as much as like the feminine is in this place of not being held and able to express and all of those things, it's partly that the masculine is also diverted into something that has it. It's new. This is not how it usually has been. Absolutely. Absolutely. And those men need to be initiated. And there's an old saying, which is that only a man can initiate a man.

A man cannot be initiated by a woman. It's just not going to happen. And the wife or the partner, the feminine partner can't force the man to do that work that's going to get in the way, too. Have been there many times right? If my wife just keeps bitching at the husband, he's going to dissociate more, period. And so I actually support a lot of women in a process that I've never really spoken about publicly. But I guess maybe we'll explore it and see where we go with this. But how I work with this, because this is another megatrend, right?

You have the woman who's been doing some form of personal development on herself for several years, and the man has not been. And I always say what takes place in the couple is that the woman starts to evolve and the tether between them starts to stretch because he's not doing anything. And that also is what is happening at the macro level with feminism, right? 400 years, women are really on it. And I think for a hundred years men haven't even necessarily understood that's been taking place and they're just waking up right now.

Holy shit,

Helping Men Reconnect and Process Emotion 28:38

you guys are asking for all this weird stuff and you're demanding and you're in this new place in the world. Where did this come from? And it's yeah, it's been a long time coming and okay, what I recommend and what works with women and in that scenario, when you have to forgive my pauses here because this is a process and I don't know if I've ever condensed it to a particular soundbite, but here's the deal. So this is the burden and responsibility of feminism is that the woman in that relationship has to hold in her anger and holding her fire.

And she has to almost begin to be a practitioner with her husband. If she starts to bitch, she's losing her power. She's leaking it away. If she starts to whine, she's leaking it away from women. Women first hate this, and then they love it when they suddenly realize, oh, my God, yeah, this is this is a whole other level of empowerment. They are all in for it. But the beginning, they're tearing their hair out because they're like, this is ridiculous. You're saying, like a lot of women have been like pulling their bootstraps up with feminism for 100 years and now we have to pull up their bootstraps, not the men's bootstraps.

And I'm like, Yeah, you actually it's not that you're pulling up their bootstraps, but you have to basically I'll, I'll tell you, I'll give you like the intervention how I almost phrase it, right? You're sitting with your man, he's doing his thing. What you want to do is you want to start tracking all the ways in which he is avoiding himself. First, you have to be an expert in him. You don't bitch at him, you don't throw on his face. You become an expert in his patterns. What is he doing to avoid and what you're going to notice?

If you have to started tuning to him and listening, you have to be the container first. That's the healthy masculine. The unhealthy masculine is the Medusa archetype. So the woman just goes crazy, right? And the man turns to stone, right? And she shouts at him. And so that doesn't help. No. You have to hold the Medusa archetype in as much as it wants to come out. And you have to look at him, and you have to be so unbelievably attuned so that you start to realize, you start to track. When his existential grief, his inner children start to come up and you will watch it.

If you are married to someone, you will watch their periodic times with your husband. He start the grief starts to come up and then he will push it down with a drink, with it, smoke with whatever it is. It doesn't matter. You have to start tracking them and then you have to start moving towards him like not like a predator stalking a prey. But it's a it's like a loving support that is tracking him with a tune. It's the way a parent would actually be working with a child who's really having a difficult time.

You're stalking the support to get their grief out. That's what you're stalking. You're not stalking. Take advantage of them. You're stalking them so that they can connect with that place that they're terrified of. And I always say there's going to be a woman if you start to practice, this is going to be a moment. Rather, when you start to practice this where you say to your husband, do you feel that thing right there? And they're going to look at you like, What the f? What are you talking about?

Do you feel that thing right there in your chest? Because if you stalk it for long enough and you attuned to it long enough, you will watch. Women are so intuitive, you will feel the emotion rise up and you'll literally almost see it rising into their chest. You will see themselves flush. You'll see the redness come over here. You will see their eyes start to water. And that's the moment you start to actually work it and you're working it to come out and you have to be the strong one in that moment.

And they're going to be disassociated. They're going to go, What the hell is going on? It doesn't matter. You take them through that process, you become the expert then. And if you do that and you succeed in that, at some point they're going to realize then she's right. I have I am sitting on a fucking garbage dump and I need to address this and I need to stop being, like, played like, a weird fiddle by my wife, even though I love it and it feels good. This is getting too much. I need to up my game, and that's what catalyzes them to do the work.

I think it's. Yes. And in in the realm of fertility, it's like there is so much pressure. It's like the pressure cooker is real. Right. Like the woman has all of these things going on. She's experiencing trauma every single month, literally like this is not happening. Like, why can't I get pregnant that that trauma is accumulating. And then simultaneously, I feel like the men actually have equal amounts of trauma. They just don't express it and they don't have the space to express it because it's this is about her.

I'm curious if you have suggestions on how they come. Maybe they're taking turns to be the container for each other, because in this context it's really specific and if they're just able to process the emotions that are coming up within that journey, that would massively alleviate the stress that is in the pressure cooker. Yes, exactly. And that let's be clear. Right. This is there's a compromise of approach to this. It's not always easy to like just bring it forward in half an hour. But if I was to maybe and of course, for many people, it's also difficult because they don't necessarily even have the resources or the time to address all this stuff.

So I just I have a lot of sympathy for them. And I say I've been through my own journey on both sides of the equation with regards to infertility. Like I'm no stranger to this subject whatsoever. And so even with the best will in the world, sometimes life has different options for us, and we have to trust that there is a reason for that. We do have to trust that even if it doesn't work, whether it's an option for adoption or surrogacy or getting really close to a dear family close to you with they don't have a big family and you get to be the aunt.

And I go even more like there's so many different options and we do have to trust those. Because I have seen that twisting life's arm too much can create collateral damage down the line in other ways. But maybe to come back to your point, your question, because we do want to bring it back to fertility, and thank you for that. For those who are really serious, get in touch with an amazing practitioner and people can certainly reach out to me. And I have an amazing referral network, but I approach it.

It's four different ways. Right? I think I covered the first. Right. The first is just current life conditions. Why is the woman feeling supported if what we just talked about can to some degree get online, that would be unbelievable. She can actually be processing, right, all of this stuff within her and that's just kind of day to day stuff as well. But it will be connected to the second piece, which is oftentimes there's childhood trauma that affects infertility. Sexual trauma can affect infertility.

Right. So we want to also be identifying any possible connection to traumas that are in the domain of the reproductive organs. Right. I give people an example. So you got Hashimoto's is usually going to be some trauma.

Four Causes of Fertility Strain 35:48

And speaking of truth, speaking your voice, speaking out, right. If you're going to have kind of heart conditions, there's going to be obviously heartbreak is part of it, but also not actually walking your mission. The biggest heartbreak in life is that we are doing what we're not supposed to be doing right. The liver, all the different organs, all the different chakras, they all have kind of associative emotions and dysfunctions that can happen to them. They're related to the teeth, they're related to the vertebrae.

And when it comes to the reproductive organs, things like reoccurring UTIs can be an indication of unconscious or unhealed trauma. Endometriosis can point to that ovarian cysts, all this stuff. And what we want to I bring to the allopathic world is, yes, it is absolutely important to address that biologically and whatever the appropriate intervention is. But if we're not addressing the upstream psycho emotional, energetic patterns, we're just going to be chasing symptoms because that downstream effect into the biology is going to keep happening.

So current life conditions, personal trauma and then of course ancestral trauma just like a whole other. Yes, we needed another 45 minutes at least. We do our best. This is awesome. I'm wondering if there were like an actionable thing that people could do to just have a small shift in their awareness, in their like ability to process. For women that are really struggling with fertility right now, do you have a tip or a tool? Yeah, I have too many tools to mention, but I think what I would like to do is maybe just offer another elaboration on what we discussed, because I think that was what seemed to want to really come forth in our conversation today.

I would really invite the couple and I would invite the woman to to lead the charge on this. And that's a challenging thing. But you can do it. It would be to get in touch with the emotions within that might be stuck and to actually develop a practice where you sit and you invite your husband. And there's going to be a period of time where you're going to have to play both roles, right? You're going to have to play the role of the person who's trying to descend into the body to metabolize that pain in that grief to bring.

Let the tears come and to feel help where you can let go fully into the feminine so that he is holding the masculine right, that masculine boundary, the wall of the symbol of the masculine that says, I will protect you and nothing will get in. That's the archetypal symbol of the masculine. And so you will have to be not just doing the dissent and working those angles within you, but also offering him some coaching to some degree. I would say any woman who is going through a fertility challenge would benefit tremendously from getting in touch as deeply as possible as they can at the somatic level with their bodies right.

And with their grief. And then underneath with the chakras associated with those reproductive organs feeling into them, talking and starting to understand what's going on. And I can offer another maybe another tool, if you like, if we have to go somewhere else. It's a constellation tool that might offer some clues around where healing might be beneficial in a context of fertility. Yeah, absolutely let's do it. Okay. So for those who are not familiar family constellation, it's a really amazing modality that was developed by Bert Hellinger.

I would offer one quick disclaimer Do not share this modality with anyone or your husband if he's an enormous materialist or a skeptic or he has trouble feeling, don't do that because the whole thing will be ruined. Only work it privately with yourself before showing to anyone else, because it's a modality that gets you very much in touch with your body and oftentimes in startling ways, very intense ways, people are very shocked by this. Tears often come extremely quickly. So you want to be very respectful with the process, right?

You want to take it as a real practice that's going to connect you with the spirit of this soul that you're hoping to bring into the world. Right. And try to understand what maybe what clues can we garner from why that might not be happening. And so what I would invite is get yourself a tabletop area, like a space you can work with, have it be clean. And then I would invite maybe ten bottles, supplement bottles, tincture bottles, pill bottles of different sizes and line them up on the left or the right side, right, ready to be represented, representatives of the constellation.

And I'll explain how we're going to use that. So you would line those all up and the only other qualifiers, they all need a label because you need to know where the front of the bottle is, because where the front of the bottle is, where the person is going to be looking. And we need to know where eyes on. It's a very animalistic reptilian part of the brain that we need to know where people are looking. It's very important because it suggests many things such as love or the absence of that, which in turn can affect all areas of life, including fertility.

And so when you're ready, what I would do is I would take deep breaths. I would bring your awareness into your body. I would just take some time to welcome whatever is there really painful emotion I might write because we don't want to. Butand asking for your fact, the constellation regular basis this is of course it's emotional metabolizes. We actually have meaning towards. We should not be walking around life consuming some

Somatic Practice for Emotional Release 42:38

time is everything you feel within your to you for support of it feel to whatever that unpleasant situation is, and it will infer what it needs to emotionally. It might need trust, it might need compassion, forgiveness, love, whatever that is. You find a word of a phrase and you just begin to speak, get into that pain, and what you'll find is you'll get better at this. And what we'll do is that's the beginnings of the METABOLIZE action process. At first, when you feel into it for many people, I will also qualify that it will get louder.

Do not think it is getting worse because you are doing this. All that's happening is you are suddenly becoming more aware of what's always been there. Yeah. Okay, so you're becoming less dissociated. So yes, it will increase in amplification. That's normal. This is a practice. It's just a like a gym practice like any other. You get good at it, you get strong in it. So you would feel whatever's there, give it some care. Once again, it would rise to a peak, hit a plateau, taper off. Then you can metabolize. It's going to dissolve a little bit.

Then you're good. Once you feel good, then you can step into the constellation. The first move I would make would be to take, I should say, choose a bottle to represent you. And this is not a thinking process, right? I want you to feel which bottle feels like you all different sizes of bottles. They will all represent certain things about ourselves. So you feel your way to the bottle that feels like you. And then very so slowly you feel where are you standing in life right now and where are you facing?

By which I mean, are you just squarely in the center of life, facing forward? Are you in the corner looking and making sure you can see everybody? Are you standing on the edge, looking over the precipice where you stand? Nothing is good or bad. It's just what feels right. That's what we're getting, because this whole process is really about gaining data, gaining understanding, gaining the clues and to some degree, of course, feeling. Yeah, absolutely. So you choose the one for you and replace you in the constellation.

Where are you standing? Where you looking? Move it around until you feel like that's where I could take another couple of deep breaths, then slowly turn and another bottle to represent your partner with whom you are hoping to bring this life into the world with slowly bring that bottle into the constellation. This is a very important moment. Feel not what's good or bad, just what feels right, just for feels what? Where is your partner standing in relationship to you? And where are they looking in relationship to you in life place them where it feels right and then just notice that will give you an indication of the relationship in some way.

And there are some principles to this. You can also notice just to say usually the right side of the body is the masculine, the left side of the body is the feminine and the same works for family trees of Gina grams and constellations. Right. So you want to notice who is on the right? Who is on the left is the masculine person on the right? Should they be on the right? Is it the right place for them or is the masculine. All right, so you want to just notice that and of course, you want to notice the intimacy, the connection.

Are we looking in the same direction or we're looking in opposite directions? All of these are data points that we want to use. If there's emotion that comes up, we want to go through that same process

Family Constellation Exercise for Conception 46:38

of really just caring for ourselves. Then once you've gone through that, you take a moment and you really connect to that soul you want to bring you, right? And I will say that's a whole other topic around conscious conception, like hyper conscious conception around bringing as much awareness and attention to the process of conceiving. Once again, a simple thing I can just offer is you want to make a very deep conscious connection to that child. And I have an intuition. You probably already talk about this a lot, so.

Yeah, thank you for that. So what you would do is you would be you would make that connection and then you would slowly choose about it to represent that child, and then you would slowly bring the bottle into the constellation place. It where does it feel the child is standing on? Where does it feel like it's looking? And that once again, it's going to give you a lot of clues around the tether. The connection between all three members. Right. And we don't have to go into too many details and know we're almost out of time here.

But that's going to give you already an idea of the homeostatic foundation upon which this new life is attempting to be created. Right. It's going to give you a sense of what the lay of the land looks like and if everything's in order or if everything's in the most beneficial positions for that to take place. And you can also add to this with parents, it will suddenly get extremely complicated very quickly. So I might not recommend that entirely, but what you're going to notice is you're going to notice where is their general activity?

Where's their health and healing and support and love, and where is it? Maybe not as much. And what I would offer is that you take it very compassionately with a lot of care, but those would be the clues where you say, okay, this is pointing to something we need to work on that would support our process of fertility. Just beautiful. Close it there. Yeah, that's beautiful. I love it. I have never heard of doing this with bottles, so I'm very excited to see, see, I'm going to try it out myself and then hopefully other people will try it as well.

And we'd love to hear how this process goes for people and what you're able to release out of this, because it's that's at the end of the day, like that's the intention is just to like observe and let go. To be clear, what's what the constellation will do first. Yes, it will reveal what's there. Okay. And we want to be very compassionate and forgiving with ourselves, with our family unit around whatever comes up. But what it does is it points very clearly to where we need to bring attention, where we need to bring care, where certain things might need to be resolved.

So you could almost say that the entire second part of the constellation is doing that. It's really all about how you go about identifying, you know, how can we support this? Yeah. Awesome. Also, thank you so much for sharing two very powerful tips and tools that people can use and bring into their lives to help support their fertility journey. Thank you for being with us today. This was really insightful conversation. Where can people find you and connect with you? Yeah, they can find me at zacharyfeder.com or swordandthread.com, which is where I do all of my training and my teaching around half of practitioner trainings, which is one of my favorite trainings on the planet as well as some others.

A lot around emotional metabolization and getting in alignment with your mission, your DAO. And thank you Dr. Aumatma. Thank you so much for what you're doing. And I really want to just extend my care and my blessings to all of the families out there who are going through this. I have a sense of what you're going through. I've been through my own version of it, and I just just keep trusting and don't give up. You know, good things will still happen. I guarantee you. Beautiful. Thank you. Thank you again for being with us.

And for those of you listening. And we'll see you again very soon. Take care and have a blessed day