From Pain To Pleasure

Introduction and Guest Background 0:00

Hey, everybody, welcome to another episode of our summit. I'm your host, Dr. Diane, your libido doc. And I'm so excited to have Bibi on the Summit with us. She has such an amazing background and a rich history of working with sexuality and sensuality and so many more topics. We're in a dive into today. So welcome, Bibi. Thank you for being here. And let's start by having you. Just tell us a little bit about yourself and how you got so interested in this world of sexuality, sensuality and at health in that regards.

Yeah, thank you for having me. I'm going to try I'm going to try to be quick with my story. And at the same time, I want to give some details because I think I have a sense that many women will resonate. So, yeah, I was born in Poland. Back then it was communism. And I went, I decided what I'm going to do with my life. I followed the logic and what seemed really like a great idea was study, finance and banking. So I can have ability to travel the world and earn the money, something that my parents didn't have a chance really to do.

And yeah, I graduated from I got three different masters. I'm a nerd. And then and followed by 15 years of a corporate career. And I worked everywhere from Australia to Wall Street in New York and it all looked great on paper. And I earned money, traveled the world, all the things that I wanted, but I was never fulfilled and it was just so empty and that, you know, discomfort because of the lack of fulfillment was just getting bigger and bigger. And for many years I distracted myself with all the distractions that our society offers in abundance. Right.

Compulsive shopping, nonstop traveling, one night stands or casual sex or party or alcohol or all the things. And it worked for a few years, but then it stopped working. And I think it was a little well over 30 where I for the first time paused, not distracted myself with anything and realized, Wait a second, I am doing something that I don't love. I'm living in a place I like. I don't have a fulfilling relationship. There's actually nothing that turns me on in my life right now. Not even one night stands and sex that was mostly shallow and unsatisfying.

And that was a big realization which got me into a my mini midlife crisis, which was a blessing and a portal of growth because I finally quit the Golden Cage and I started to search. I went on a search for what is it that I am doing on this planet,

Why Women Feel Broken Around Pleasure 2:51

in this lifetime and on the journey of this self discovery? I've done all kinds of things from, you know, we pass on a landmark medicine, applying ceremonies and coaching and all kinds of different things. And I ended up on a workshop where I had my first full body orgasm, and I experience what I referred to as my sexual awakening. And when that energy for the first time moved and we were fully clothed and we were doing it by ourselves, just to to to give you an idea, it was something clicked. Something clicked.

I kind of touched on some other dimension I never did before. And once that energy was awakened, it remained awakened. So I started with the next encounter with a lover. The energy started moving by itself. I didn't even know what was going on. And I started to have this energy orgasms, full body orgasms, one after the other. And it just started happening. And I kind of I broke up with this first lover and and I was like, okay, how do it's so beautiful. It's so deep. It's so profound. How do I break into this experiences with myself, with anyone, not just attached?

And based on this one person? And that is how I started my conscious self-pleasure practice. And then I realize I am absolutely sovereign, orgasmic human being and can move that energy with myself. And I was then I was so excited about this that I just wouldn't shut up. Every dinner I went to, every friends meetup, coffee I went to, I would talk about that. I have not surprised. You Ever heard it. Have you ever had a full body orgasm? Have you ever heard about it? And you know, your whole body starts to shake and this and this happened and people started coming back telling me, listen, after we had this conversation, I think I had a full body orgasm and more people started coming back and then people saying, hey, we have want to have a session with you.

It's like, wait, I don't even give sessions, but we don't care. We want it. Okay? So I was like, Hey, I, you know, there's something to add and people are resonating. People want more. I started to take more course. It is going to more retreats. I did several teacher trainings, certified myself in different modalities and yeah, and people just want it more and more. And you know, it grew to be today I reached more than 150,000 people online in person in English and Spanish, mostly women and couples and yeah, it's been, you know, the most rewarding, fulfilling journey.

And so it's just been beautiful to see how, you know, and tapping into our sexual energy, how life changing it is, how transformational, how people just, you know, transform and become a better version of themselves. And being a catalyst for that and a guide, it's just been the most beautiful journey. And yeah, that's where I'm here today. Yeah. Thank you for that. That amazing share. I really know that there are so many people that are listening to this and they're probably like, Oh my gosh, full body orgasm.

Like, what is that? How have I had it? Like, how do I do that? And I think also we see in this type of work, like so many people, not only have they not had that experience, but they actually haven't. For many women, especially females, haven't even experienced orgasm at all. It's it's really speaking like fairly common. About 15%, right? Right, exactly. Yeah. I've read a few different studies, but it's I think where between about 12 and 20. So yeah, somewhere, somewhere in there. And so essentially from a.

Standpoint of, of that, right, of being an orgasmic or not being able to really achieve full body orgasms to pelvic dysfunction and pain and all these things that people come to you for. One of the things we were talking offline is like this common thing that you said you hear, which is like, my gosh, my broken. Yeah, right. So how you, you know, your conversation with that? Like how do we begin to unravel this for people that are hearing your story and hearing the, you know, this orgasm example and other things throughout the summit and thinking like, oh, my gosh, like, am I broken?

Is there something wrong? Yeah, yeah. So, you know, it all starts sadly with the fact that there's a lack of proper education. And the main reference porn is pornography. And pornography is not done to educate anyone. It's done to entertain. And it's mainly done by men and for men. And I always say that there needs to be a lot of action and friction on the screen for this thing to be exciting. If people are going to eye gaze and meditate on the screen, no one is going to watch that. Right. So there is this exaggerated performance, a pleasure scene where it seems like those women are just, you know, orgasming and it's just quick and fast and they can orgasm on demand.

And it just last few minutes and then we go straight to the genitals and bang. And sadly, this is opposite of true. So yes, as you said, I have so many women who came to me because they experience pain through penetration or vaginismus or, you know, never had an orgasm or cannot have an orgasm during penetration with a partner or can only orgasm with a vibrator, all kind of scenarios. And again, most of them think that there's something wrong with them because that's what it looks like if you compare yourself to a porn star.

Right. And and it's so far from true because really, if we take time to understand

Slowing Down and Relearning Arousal 8:43

how the anatomy of women's arousal works, how our body works, how it's essentially opposite because our equality is receptive, how we need so much over longer foreplay and how we need to actually really relax and really trust so we can truly open up and you start to introduce all these holistic tools and you start to realize that for a woman, it's so much more than just going straight to the genitals. Actually, this is going to short circuit her response and that there are beautiful practices that you can do to make her feel safe, to allow her to fully let go, and then to open up and then become more receptive to pleasure and then invite all these orgasmic experiences which not going to happen in 5 minutes.

We need at least 40 to 45 minutes to be truly ready for penetration, right? Yeah. And so then they realize, wow, okay, I'm not broken. And, you know, this is why I also love my main way of teaching is group online courses where we are live and what I love that I have group of women, 50 women from around the world. I have women from Saudi Arabia who never had an orgasm. I have women from Argentina and Mexico that grew up in a Catholic religious upbringing. Right. That's solid Middle East. I have women who have insecurities around a body and how they look.

I have women with a history of abuse, sexual trauma, and I am women who believe that there's something wrong with them in sex. And when they all come together and listen to each others like way we're all in the same boat. And we were all lied to. And now we all actually can unravel that and rewire and rewrite that story. Just women doing this work together, it's even more powerful. Yeah, for me, a lot of those problems and I'm not saying all, of course sometimes there are some physical conditions, but I have so many women, Diane, who come to me and say, hey, I had, you know, vaginismus, I had a tight pelvic floor.

I had I was doing the day looters. I was doing all this, you know, medical procedures. I was convinced to even have several surgeries. None of this works. And with you in a couple of weeks, where I created a safe space, where I actually tune into in my body when I slowed down, when I did a pussy massage and activated all the pleasure points where I entered slowly, where I wasn't just, you know, it wasn't just resting and banging, but there was actually slow movement with awareness. I had my first G-spot orgasm without any pain.

I had my first cervical orgasm with the wand and it's like, you know, so beautiful. I hear. So that's not what you're saying there. It's still it's like the porn industry. Yeah, I love that. Identifying it as entertainment and that differentiation, I think that's really important for people. And from the standpoint of like, okay, people are experiencing the pelvic pain or they're experiencing difficult orgasm or other types of sexual dysfunctions. It sounds like from an actionable step standpoint, you're saying things like, okay, slow down, we need more foreplay, we need more touch, we need more.

Just tuning into the subtle ness of the pleasure before we go for it, we need to start. Yeah, you know, we need to stop comparing ourselves to the porn industry and how they do it, what it looks like, and. More or less. All right. So I love time quite a lot for women. Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, some of those things might sound quite cliche or maybe a little obvious, but I ask everyone who sells, okay, slow down. We've heard this before. Really? Are you slowing down? Right. Because that's really it's not about some selfish fixated techniques and positions and hanging upside down and buying 7 million toys with specific angle.

To me, I believe that it's about coming back to basics because if you look at that, the average time of sex is 5.4 minutes. So we are not slowing down and I want my needs sporty to even get ready. So we never even get to that place. Right. And same with Self-Pleasure really since the young age, we are told even that it's, you know, it's going to get us in trouble. So we kind of condition our system and we have that habit of just doing it fast so we don't get caught and maybe we're a partnership.

Oh, my God. What if my partner finds out that I am self pleasuring and all kind of things? And to me vibrators also enforce that, you know, fast food approach. And so we are not slowing down and we are often not really in our body. We often have sex and self-pleasure purely stimulated through the mind. And listen, mind is a powerful, beautiful organ, but we also have our body because the mind is tricky and if you just rely on the mind in mind is insatiable, it gets bored. Oh yeah. And you know with the porn you can fast forward.

Yeah right. Well you know you can swipe but if you're in a long term relationship, what are you going to do? Right. So just trying to take the other avenue for arousal, which is not just mind stimulation, fantasizing porn, but it is actually sensations in the body. Right. And it takes time. We know we need to go move from sympathetic to parasympathetic nervous system. Right. It takes tools, breathwork, meditation movement, dance. It takes, you know, activating the entire body, not going straight to the genitals.

And it actually takes practice with yourself first. So are you in a relationship? Are you single? I invite everyone to start really practicing conscious, intentional, high vibration masturbation. Okay. Yeah, because if this is the way to learn your own instrument, to learn how your body works, to discover what you like. And again, it sounds cliché, but trust me, 80% of the women that come to me complain that this sex with partner is not working for them. And it's like, okay, are you guiding your partner and, you know, communicating your desires what you want?

Well, I don't actually know what I want. I don't even know where my G-spot is. I never had a cervical orgasm. I don't even know how to stimulate that. I don't know. I don't know. Well, that's where I come into place and I take women for like a 13 week process of discovering every part of the body, all the limiting beliefs. Because it's also that we're not just, you know, there's so many limiting beliefs that we also have to become aware of. Because if you feel you are not worthy of pleasure, you're broke.

In Iran, orgasmic sex is dangerous because you have history of trauma. We have to dig a little deeper into it and reprogram those beliefs and then we work with the body. Right? So yeah, long answer. Okay, that's perfect. I didn't, you know. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. I mean, there's there's so much we can break down there. I mean, one, just to go backwards, do a lot of different things. You say, I do want to comment on the fact that you run group programs to do this work, I think is so phenomenal because I've seen studies of like when we talk about sex, it actually helps to improve sex because I think it like normalizes these things, right, that are taboo.

So I really think that's so powerful that you're, you know, that you've oriented your work in and those types of teaching modalities and that type of framework. So that's one thing. And two, another thing that's really interesting to me about what you said is, is another study showing that people that actually are partner less, that are single, that don't have a lover at all, have and that masturbate have high report higher sexual satisfaction than the ownership. So to me that just validates everything that you say right around like,

Self-Pleasure as a Practice 17:00

oh, we the more we learn our own body, the more we can we can enjoy pleasure each our partners. Right? Absolutely. I'm going to give you an example. So I never had cervical orgasms when I was younger. I mainly experienced pain in doing deep penetration. Right. It's not until I started to work with Krystal. Once I did a process that is called the armoring where you remove tension and pain a little bit like a deep tissue massage inside of the vaginal canal and, you know, softening. And then I started activating the cervix and it took a few sessions and then I started to give myself cervical orgasm.

So like, oh, that's how it feels. All this is the light stimulation that it didn't actually enjoys. And then from this moment on, I would be able to guide my partner, ask him to pause, gently adjust my hips and just being stillness and breathe. And only from that moment on, I really started to experience cervical orgasms with the partners I love. And actually the same with the G-spot I first discovered myself. And only then, you know, I could have had it with the partners. So, you know, this is why I feel self-pleasure is really, really, really so important.

Yeah, I. Think that's another thing that tie back to the porn conversation of like that where people get confused around, especially as females. It's like almost sometimes I feel like where there's just this, this thought, right, of like men are just supposed to know because in porn, it's like, makes it look so easy, right? And in the actuality, like, we need to teach our lovers and partners about what works for us. So for our listener that we all, you know, listeners all across the spectrum here.

So there's definitely people that are listening that are already like, I got it, baby, I'm way into Self-Pleasure and are just like cheering us on reception. Right? But I know there's people listening that have never gone that direction at all, right? Have never even looked at their bold. I have never considered self like or any of that. So, you know, this can be a very touchy subject obviously in the beginning. So what are the beginning steps that you recommend for somebody who's never done self-pleasure in order to make it more comfortable just to take that first step?

Yeah. So I like to see it as a self-love ritual. So it's going to be less overwhelming and scary for your nervous system. Can you think of it as a self-love ritual? Okay. And then scheduling in our time for this and doing all the things you can do to love your body, is it a nice bath or a nice massage before hands and just setting up and, you know, a nice environment and playing with your entire moving, having nice music and start with the movement, do a little bit of breathing, hopefully some guided meditation to allow you to really jump in and then start sensually exploring your body and see how that feels for your body, right?

For some of you, this will be already a lot. But again, you want to feel safe. You for some of those people who've never done it, never look at the vulva, there is probably something there, right? Probably there's trauma or some block. Right. So don't overwhelm your nervous system. Go slow. And maybe this is going to be the first session and then next time you're going to go a little further. So for the ladies, you always want to start with activating your breasts. Okay? This there is actually a lot of, you know, scientific explanation for that.

It's connected to your vagina. It will actually eat ladies. It's connected to the endocrine system. So massaging will allow you to release oxytocin, self-love hormone, love hormone. So you literally will feel self love on a hormone level. Once this is activated, your heart softens. Only then you're going to get closer to your vulva. That's what's on the outside. Never go straight inside. Please play different moves or slower strokes. Add some oil, massage around, explore. Take time, breathe. Hey Wood.

How does it feel when I cut my entire vulva into a little circle? How does it feel? And I'm going to slide all over it, right? How does it feel when I'm in a squeeze? So we're really exploring different type of touch slowly. Don't chase the damn orgasm and just give yourself time and slow down. And before anything enters your vagina, is this your finger? And again, I really invite everyone to pleasure. Ladies. Pleasure on the inside, not just the clit. There is so many powerful orgasms on the inside.

There is a G-spot Aswad cervix right. So is it your finger? Is it the jade egg? Is it the wand before it enters, rested on the entrance, tuning into your pussy and see is she ready to be penetrated because she really needs a lot of time. And if it's a no honor, this and this. No. And ask your partners to actually do the same. And if it's a yes, enter slowly and give up this idea that you have to orgasm and sometimes just be with this sensation, be with the exploration, because that orgasm always takes us away from the present moment.

It's slightly ahead of us. So we're like, Let's stick on the carrot. But not exactly in the present moment. If you sometimes take it off the table, you can actually enjoy every moment and every little sensation and then observing what feels good, and then coming back to that. So and breathing and slowing down and sounding. So this is a nice way to start again. Go ahead. And then we live in such a historical moment because first time in the history, all this knowledge is actually available to masses, right?

All the Daoist tradition and tantra, they were usually a secret, they were highly guarded. And now we finally last few years are the first year in history

Deepening Orgasms and Riding the Pleasure Wave 23:08

that there is so much sexual education available. Take advantage of that. There are phenomenal books or podcasts and there are courses you can be guided, especially if you know you have a history of trauma or abuse and there is certain, you know, real blockages. You don't have to be alone. Just get someone to guide you and hold your hand. And is it my course or is it, you know, a retreat or is it some someone else? But like with everything else, you know, I am a high achiever. I speak six languages.

I do serve and ski and play tennis. And did I all figure it out by myself? No. I got training, I got teachers. I learned how to survive in ten days because I hired a trainer and they taught me so instead of wasting next 20 years to figuring out, you know, just let someone guide you so you can accelerate that orgasmic expansion for yourself. Yeah. With all the information available. Yeah. Thank you. There's so much there. You know, I think there's such a such a good thing for helping people understand to made some big points I took out of what you're saying like one follow your intuition like let your own internal feeling be your guide if it's doesn't feel safe, don't go there.

Right, some really big thing. And then the second one that I think is just so important to repeat because of I just think it's so valuable for everybody is the fact of like don't be obsessed with the orgasm like anybody that's had orgasms loves. I mean, of course, orgasms are amazing, right? But we can lose, like you said, that sense of like feeling the sensation in the presence of we're always chasing that thing. So I just wanted to emphasize that as well. And now that we've said that, there's also going to be people, of course, that are listening that are like, okay, well, now I'm good, I'm doing my self pleasure.

I'm very tuned into my body. And I, you know, it's a perfectly normal thing to also want to improve orgasms to. Oh, absolutely. Or to experience, you know, the different types of orgasm. But like you mentioned, so for people that are kind of more in that camp that are like, okay, well, how do we how do we actually make orgasms better? Like what? What sort of things like do you have to say for that, that group of people. Yeah. So what makes orgasms. I don't know. More, more deeper, I would say. Maybe not better, but deeper because you know.

Yeah, let's call it like that's. I like that slowing down. Yeah. Slowing it down. So I like to call it a pleasure scale. And you know, some people there's this there's a practice of edging simply, I like to call it riding the wave of pleasure. So you start to observe where you are in your pleasure scale from 1 to 10, one another, not orgasm. You get all not aroused ten orgasm, right? So you start to give yourself numbers and you can do this with yourself or with a partner. Okay, I'm at five, I'm at a seven and slowing down at an eight.

Donges the run in like a sprint from 1 to 10. It's over. I do have the peak, orgasmic peak, orgasmic explosive experience and then again slow down, come to an end, slow down, start breathing the belly breathing. So you will have a tendency of breathing faster and then tensing in order for the climax to happen. But then it's short and fast. Okay, do the opposite. Slow down deep belly breathing, slower sound. All this will allow that pleasure to expand and the loudest pleasure to move through you, through all over your body, not just in the genital area.

And from there you can start experiencing full body orgasm, energy orgasm, volley orgasm and hard orgasms and you know, all kind of different names for it. And yeah. So coming to an end, pause, breathe, sound. Your arousal is going to start gently falling down. Don't let it fall to a zero Let it fall down maybe to a six or five and then bring up bring it up for stimulation. Bring it up to a nine again and slow it down to a six again, right this way for at least three times and see what happens. See how that orgasm how you will experience that after writing at least three waves like that.

And again you can practices with your self first because once you get a grip of that, it's going to be so much easier to guide your partner fruitless if you were both clueless and never even tried it with yourself can get a little clumsy. But again, if everyone trains how to play their own instrument, then you can come together and play as a beautiful duo. Because I always say, imagine two guitar players wanting to play a concert and they never really rehearsed on the own guitar. Right. That's a great analogy.

So please rehearse. Yeah. Visually, those rehearsals are quite pleasurable. Yes. Oh, yeah, exactly. And nourishing. So. Yeah, slowing down, edging deep belly breathing sounding, writing to the waves. Those are some of the the tools that I would recommend. Thank you is a great starting point then I really appreciate how you just describe in so many details like how people slow down and how people edge. So I think, you know, explaining to that level is super helpful. And yeah, we are reaching kind of the end of our interview.

So I want to kind of goes so fast, right? I know. I want to make sure people know how to get a hold of you. We're going to talk about that. You have the erotic glow activation that you are giving away to everybody. So I'm going to talk about that and make sure everybody knows how to get that on the summit there. But before we wrap up with that, is there any from a sexual health, sexual pleasure, sexual dysfunction, kind of big picture or any big picture like take home? You've got to say this in order to wrap this up and,

Closing Advice and Resources 29:28

you know, and feel like, oh, yeah, got that, got that thing in. Yeah. Before you label yourself as being, you know, sexually dysfunction, I want you to really open yourself to exploring all the holistic tools. It's really, you know, most people are actually don't have an a dysfunction. They just don't know they body they don't know how to feel safe in the body. They never explored holistic way to connect in today's sexuality. So don't label yourself anything but explore first. That's what I'm going to say.

Yeah, I love it. Perfect. And then tell us about the Erotic Glow Activation. Yeah. What is. So Erotic Glow Activation. This one is for women and this is will be actually if you wanted some more practical guidance, it's a three part meditation guided audio with beautiful music. Were we going to create that receptive stage for pleasure? So if you want to start self pleasuring, like the way I describe it today, beautiful way to do it is to start with their running glow activation. Okay. And there is just a beautiful one to just tune into your body.

Second one is actually to tune into your breasts. And third one is how to activated erotic energy within us so that we actually become radiant and glowing. So it's not about tons of makeup and fake eyelashes and, you know, and extensions and God knows what you can actually glow because you awakened to erotic energy in inside of you. So I am a big believer of that. Yeah. So that's the Erotic Glow Activation and it's guided. You just press play ladies and follow along. So super easy. No excuses. Awesome.

Thank you. So valuable. And you guys will make sure that that is in the bonus section, the bonus section on the summit. And so make sure you go and sign up for that. You can get it right. You have to sign up and I know this is going to be so valuable, so just make sure you do that. And I know you have a course for women. We want to talk about telling you how to get a hold of you and then you got your offering. So yeah, so I have a difficult Polish name, so I can of course always get creative about it so you can find me.

My main channel is Instagram. It's Planet Bibi, so Bibi is my nickname, Planet Bibi. I believe you will have some links somewhere, right? So yeah, if you want to have a daily source of inspiration, you can find me there. You can also go to my website and I made it easy. So it's called energeticlovemaking.com and that will redirect you to my name and yeah I have a beautiful online mentorship for women called Ladder to Bliss, which is 12 weeks long plus and bonuses online. Ladies from all over the world again, no excuses.

You can join from wherever you are and it's life. I'm there. I get to know you really well. So it's not some videos you buy and you never see me. I accompany you along the way. It's a beautiful community of hundreds of women who graduated from this. I also work with couples and I have a six months Ecstatic Lovers Academy. So that's for partners. Beautiful. We dive deepest as well. And yeah, it's like all the couples that graduate tell me this is like, you know, this is sure to be mandatory cause before anyone gets married and signed and they're going to be with each other forever. Yes.

And you know, in all my courses, it goes far beyond sexuality. It's really very holistic approach. And we work with everything, with emotions, with beliefs, etc., etc.. So it's really beautiful work and I'm never going to throw you into the deep waters and overwhelm your nervous system. All my containers are elegant, safe, sophisticated, and really nothing to be scared of. Yeah. Thank you. And everybody will. You're going to have all of that information of how to find Bibi and all of our amazing courses and offerings and retreats and more in the speaker bio.

So that's where you'll find it there. And Bibi, what a pleasure. Thank you so much for. Coming by and for all you're bringing to the world. Thank you for being here. It's been it's been truly wonderful. Thank you so much for having me. And, yeah, I hope to see you. Ladies and gentlemen, in one of my orgasmic containers by everybody. See you on the next one. Bye.