How Emotional Strength And Self-Worth Drive Success

Introduction and guest welcome 0:00

Welcome back to the super fertility Summit. I'm your host, Dr. Cleopatra, and we have a very special guest. We're going to be speaking with right now. We're going to be speaking with Kristine Gasbarre Qaderi, and she is a health editor and the host of the What the Woman podcast, and a writer of books for women. And her next memoir will release in spring 2025 with hatchet. I am so excited to welcome Kristine today. Kristine, welcome to this super fertility summit. Oh, Dr. C, it's so good to be with you.

You know, you're one of my sheroes. Thank you. I'm so excited to have this conversation. You have some really incredible perspectives on the work that we do in the PRI, master, before we conceive, and what it means for us as women, what it means for us as humans, and what it means for how we go on to raise our children. And I would really love for you to share this incredibly unique perspective that you have, because it it really shifts everything when you see it this way. Would you tell us a little bit about how you see this work?

Yeah. You know, I think I guess I'll start by saying, as someone who I'm 44 right now, and I'll just share with everybody right off the bat. I don't mind at all. I didn't meet my husband until I was 38. I really waited to meet the right person. That was extremely important to me. And, you know, just got fed up with heartbreak and disappointment and in the meantime, you know, I realized, I think I was 34 when I realized I was just like, I'm officially not going to settle down with someone until I, until I really find a guy who can make me happier than I can make myself on my own because I was living this rich life.

You know, I had lived internationally for a year. I had this career in New York for almost a decade. I had I mean, my friends like I was, where am I going to find the guy who's as fun and kind and intelligent and, you know, so I waited and waited and, to me, Dr. C I just don't I don't see this as the worst case scenario to be a woman of advanced maternal age, as we call it.

Waiting for the right partner and preparing for motherhood 2:50

It's, I feel like there was a lot of, I don't want to call it work because it didn't feel like work. But you and I have touched on this a little bit in the past together. Like I was laying this foundation so that by the time motherhood does happen for me, in whatever form that occurs, I can focus so completely on those children, on, you know, the life that we the kind of family we are, the kind of life that we want to have. So and I say this as someone, I mean, I'm not naive. I've had two miscarriages in the past year and a half.

You know, the second one especially devastating because a lot of women, if you've been through it, you know, we got a heartbeat the second time and, and and, you know, and I was right at the end of the first trimester and just like counting down the hours to get to that 12 week point and, and now so now my, you know, my husband who works in medicine and, and, I froze my eggs when I was 35, living in New York. I had a much older male mentor. I was just he we were working on a project together for a couple of years, and he was like a he he saw some of the stuff I was going through in my personal life and he said, you need to stop focusing on landing a guy.

You need to fly home from this work trip we're on. You need to make arrangements to freeze your eggs, and then you need to relax. And you need to keep focusing on your career. And. And a year later, I, I bought my own home on my own. So, you know, I just have to say, I mean, I'm aware even with those frozen eggs we're learning now, they didn't tell me in 2015. That is not a guarantee either, which is part of the reason I've been prime festering. I want that uterus to just be perfect and beautiful.

Yeah, has has to be too. But, so this still might not go to plan, quote unquote. But, I still just believe there's so much beauty in the journey. And I really feel and it's part of what I talk about in my next book, I really, you know, we have to become our own home base before we can become a home base to somebody else. I feel that way. So I just I love the work that you do, because I really feel that we are, not to over import, you know, where we are right now. But I'm like, could could we be helping evolution along?

Could we be, telling biology. That. Like, we want to be able to have babies later, you know, some, That's so interesting. I love that so much. I mean, that's such an incredible empirical question. I mean, for sure, we are helping evolution along every day, whether we mean to or not, and often in negative ways with you without even realizing it. Right? That, I mean, that's part of the human experience and being alive. I mean, that's what evolution is. It's responding to our internal and external exposures.

And we are. But the the question of whether we could intentionally be letting evolution know, please set us up for success, reproductive success that lasts a lot longer because we are living past menopause, which is in in evolutionary terms, we did not. So it wasn't necessary. Right? I mean, this is this is a really incredible question. And I think that one of the ways that we send this signal to evolutionarily and to our own bodies is by prime mastering and making the changes that show that even as we're getting a year older and a year older and a year older chronologically, in terms of how old we are, I'm turning 46 soon.

That's my chronological age, that I'm staying younger biologically. So that I have a longer window within which to reproduce. And I do think that we can do that and that the more of us who do that, the more the signal is received. And I think that we see that every day in the Prime Minister with people who have an AMH level that's essentially zero. So they're told they have no egg reserve left, and then they Primester and their AMH level goes back over one and they conceive and they have their super babies.

And I think I think those are examples of how we can as individuals now in the immediate sense, send those signals to the brain, the body, the ovaries, the follicles. And it's a powerful idea to think that we as a collective can do that. The more of us who prime minister or whatever you do to consciously care for yourself and your future babies leading up to conception, right? That's what we're doing. I think, to that, you know, I think about your daughter,

Miscarriage, egg freezing, and building a foundation 8:40

I think, you know, by the time so many of us find you, it's like by the time you're looking for an IVF doc, like you've already been through some tough stuff with friend or miscarriage or whatever, whatever that scenario is. And it's sort of like, you know, could we we need to be, you know, I always say, like, I grew up in the 80s and the Judy Blume generation, you did too. Yeah. And Kevin, because I really like I could not wait to get my first period, you know, and yeah. I love. That. and, but when people talk about it in a negative way, I'm like, oh my gosh, it's one of the most, you know, it's not fun, but it's one of the most beautiful parts of nature.

And could. We. You know, could we be educating females younger, just understanding the choices that you make with your diet, the choices that you make when you're young to adopt healthy exercise habits, which fortunately, I had parents who kind of instilled that in us. You're the relationships that you choose as time goes on, like all of this stuff. Is it? It can it can help your body flourish or it can be a major, you know, these can be stressors too. So, it's something that, as I'm thinking about, as I'm thinking about motherhood and the way that I hope to raise my children, it's like we need to be teaching this societally.

And it's good that, you know, we're we're becoming more aware of the effects of processed foods and, and all that stuff. So, yeah, I agree with you. And we're saying the same thing. It's it needs to start even younger ages. And I think that we are creating that cultural shift. Those of us who are involved in this movement, I, I always say, Prime Minister, life is a way of life. You do it to you to tap into your innate fertility ignited and have your super babies. But once you live that life, you can't go back from living that life because you look different. You feel different.

You are different. You're steady, you're stable, your brain is completely turned on and sharp, and you can never go back from that. And then you pass that on because you've passed that on through epigenetic inheritance at a biological level. But you're also passing that on through the social modeling that you're doing for your super babies. Where then it will be this way for your super babies like it is for mine. This is just how we live. And and my son, you know, my sons play football, as you know.

And my son is among the best athletes in the country in the club that he's with. And everybody comes to my husband like, what did you do? How is he so fat? How is he so muscular? What do you feed him? How does he look like that? What do they? You know? How do they all look like that? How did you get three like that? And? And so it becomes. It becomes the way of life. And and they know that what they're doing right now will affect the children that they have in the future. They already know that.

I, I remember posts where you said Sultana won't touch store receipts, right? Yes. She knows already. she she just turned nine, but, she already knows. Don't. That's not good for my fertility and my future babies. It's not good for the eggs, the inside of me. That the follicles that are inside of me. So we we are creating that cultural shift. And I think it's such a beautiful thing because it's not just it's this incredible culture and legacy of health and respecting our temple, respecting the temple that is our family.

But my husband always says, like, everybody knows, that Luxor rolls deep like you've got a whole entourage with them, right? Because we are such a close family that it doesn't matter that we just got back from a match at 11:00 at night, and we need to leave for the next one at 6:00 in the morning. We are out there, all of us, you know. I mean, that's that that matters to that. That culture matters too. And when you feel better and your body is strong and your mind is steady, and your heart and soul are steady, even when life is not perfect, because life is not perfect is never going to be right.

Yeah. Then you can show up that way for each other and be that way for each other, which is all we want. I mean, those of us who want our super babies more than anything in the world, that's all we want to ask. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So I believe it's it's just it it is such a, an intentional process and it deserves to be such an intentional process. Yeah. You have this beautiful, beautiful perspective where I think sometimes people feel that it's almost a curse if they have to work hard to get pregnant and stay pregnant and or have healthy baby.

And nobody would ever blame someone for feeling that way because it's not. It doesn't. It's not fair. It doesn't feel fair. It's not fair. Right? Okay. Yep, yep. And I think a lot of people feel like their body has betrayed them. They regret every choice they've ever made that they feel like led them to this point where they're struggling. I even, had an interview for this summit with Amy, who is the founder of UVA. And it was an incredible interview, and I will never forget what she said at the end, which is give yourself grace.

Because when she was going through her fertility journey to have her first baby, she would stay up at night cursing herself for every choice she made that led her there. Did you have to get your PhD? Did you have to do this too? You know? Yeah. And and it's. Nobody would blame anyone for going through that thought process or feeling that way. But you have a really unique perspective, which is that this is such an incredible opportunity to course correct at a point in life when many people start getting less and less and less healthy really quickly.

Can you talk about that, Kristine? Yes. it is. I mean, it would be impossible to to say that the mind does not trail off in those directions. And for me, I find that that happens, when I am comparing myself to somebody else completely unintentionally. But, I, I try to come back to, you know, something. When I first started pre mastering, I think in one of the intro modules, you said like you were talking about how stress affects our fertility, and you said something to the effect of, you know, I'm giving you permission to.

It was something like you were telling us that this is the time to create those boundaries. And I'll say, as somebody who, you know, for years I've worked a day job and then at night, not always my own books. I love writing my own books. I have a lot of ghostwriting clients that's really high pressure work, very high pressure work.

Fertility, evolution, and raising healthy future children 16:20

I can imagine. You know, and I wrapped up my last ghostwriting project in December, making. Space for your super babies. yes. I'm using that money to pay off the home that I. That I bought on my own when I was 35. Or there, making space so beautiful. And it's on. You know, we live in California now. It's back in Pennsylvania. But I'm like, I'm keeping that home until I die because I will always have a foundation with my babies or, you know, with my rescue dogs or whatever that is. So, but to answer your question, you know, I like I just try to think about it like I now have authority to say there was a situation that came up at work recently.

And, you know, a lot of folks in media are downsizing and stuff right now. said, to somebody, you know, who, who, who influences my direction in the company. And I said, I am not taking on any more. I said, I am focusing on my health right now. And they and they knew some of the back, you know, they knew some of the vague background of what I've been dealing with, with the miscarriages and everything. So what a beautiful era to where we can say, this is what I'm focusing on right now. And it's really, you know, my first two pregnancies happened.

I was so grateful, you know, to be 42 and 43 immediately. I mean, and that's I don't want to I don't want to trigger anybody when I say that, I understand. That's often, often not the case. Of course, they were. They were not viable. but they it was kind of unintentional. It was kind of like, let's just kind of see what happens. And meanwhile, all of this stuff was still happening in my life. The book projects, you know, we were we were in the in the middle of a cross-country move. And now to, you know, to finish up that book project in December to, to, to to make some really clear financial choices and kind of clean up that history of my life and to just be saying like, this is the space of preparation, like, this is the zone that we're in right now, like we are mission visioning.

You know, we are conditioned. It's like luck, you know what I mean? It's like, yeah, I've been ready for a bit for the playoffs or something. You know, that's exactly. And that, that I love that you said that because I got so excited because that's exactly how we should look at that. This is the championship. Like we want to win because we want our super babies to be set up for everything beautiful and wonderful in life. You know, that doesn't mean they have to be perfect or their life is going to be perfect.

It means they are as strong, resilient, and sound in mind, body, and spirit as they can possibly be so that whatever it is they want their life to look like, they have a real shot at having that. And that includes having, you know, parents or a parent who, can enjoy parenthood, you know what I mean? Who has really, really shut down some of the especially over the past few years, just all the madness that we've all been managing, you know, and just and just be able to kind of claim this, this space in life, you know, I'm, I always say, like, God, please let me live at least two if if I get pregnant at 44, let me live to 88 or 89 because I want to be a mom for at least half my life. Yes.

Well, did you do you do you remember this study? I know I've I've cited this to you all in the Prime Minister, and many times that a woman who has children after the age of 33 is two times as likely to live to the age of 90 as a woman who who is no longer able to or doesn't continue to have children after, only has children up until the age of 30, because our fertility and our long our reproductive potential and our longevity potential are so intimately intertwined that the more we can stay fertile, the longer we are likely to live.

So you will be able to be with your children for more than half of your life. And I know I feel the same. I'm like, I want to be here for my super babies. I want to be here for my super grandbabies. I want to be here for my super great grandbabies. Even though I had mine in my late 30s, in my 40s. So yes, I agree 100% 100%. So beautiful. What? What would you say to a woman who is worried that she waited too long, and maybe she feels like she missed a boat? The opportunity has slipped away. That's such a good question.

I've heard you say it before, and it's applicable to so many things in life. But, like, the best time to start was years ago. But the second best time to start is now. So what choices can you really examine today? And. And get quiet with yourself and work to shift those. And just one example of that is, in our relationships, you know, for me, I'm very fortunate because I have these professionals like you in my life and in my friendship circle. And my really good friend Ken Page is a renowned relationship therapist and an author.

And he's he's so great. And he, he has a podcast called Deeper Dating. And I gained so many nuggets of wisdom from him over the years. But the biggest one, he taught me pay attention to the way they make you feel. and when I met my husband and, and we met in a really organic way, and, and then when, after several weeks, we'd been we met in a professional capacity, and then I kind of got the sense, like, I think this guy's maybe interested. He asked me out and, doctor, see, I think I write about this in my book.

the first time I got in his vehicle, it was like it was an aura. He came to pick me up and I was just like, well, Chrissy, you say you've been wanting a man and now you have one. Can you, are you really ready? Are you. Oh, wow. I look at some of the choices that friends around me who were getting their eggs frozen at the same time or, you know, and, and and who maybe are still single and, and and but I an important thing to say is he was not my type. He was not the like gorgeous bad boy, you know, needed to be tamed that I had like chased all my life. He, you know, he really like wanted to take care of me and wanted to listen to me and wanted to know me.

And that was so different for me. So you know that. And that was a big one. I had to force myself to go out on the first date, and even on the second date,

Relationships, boundaries, and lifestyle choices 24:10

like I had to kind of talk myself into it because I didn't have, like, that, that chemical excitement that we get with sometimes not the right guys. So, so that's a big one. I mean, that's just a big one. But, and then there are the lifestyle choices you could make along with that too. But, I think from my perspective of that, that's what I would say. Doctors see I love that so much. Pay attention to how they make you feel. And I would really add to that for sure. The person you're choosing to partner with, who you're going to have your super babies with, because a lot is going to change, even if that chemical reaction is there in the beginning.

A lot changes with pregnancy and birth and having a newborn, and there's got to be a foundation that is even deeper than that. But I so for sure, like you said, with the person you're choosing to be with, in my work, I, I don't think of myself as a relationship expert at all. And yet every day we hear a byproduct of prime mastering that couples are closer, they're more deeply connected, they're communicating better. And it's interesting because I have a front row seat to, yeah, the intimate details of many couples and families in the course of my work over 28, almost 28 years now.

And one thing I can say for sure is that I have really deeply observed, and I think this also factored into my decision to wait a long time to, to to meet my my person, too. There were other things, my education, what I was doing, everything. But, was that I could see, like, one of the most miserable things a person could do is be raising children with someone that is, they don't really get along with or is hard to get along with. It's it looks really, really tough. And I, I've had like I said, I've had a front row seat to lots of couples to, to be able to see that.

So that is hugely important. But I think this also applies to friendships and, workplaces and, and every other. And even, you know, it's difficult to say this, but family of origin relationships, your family of origin, your partner's family of origin of your partner. Because I think one of one of the revelations that we have as we become more mommy minded and I I'm sure you remember this in the Prime Minister, is that we we come to understand that if we are living a life where we're trying to please everyone, we are not living a life that is true to who we are, because you cannot be true to yourselves and please everyone.

It's just not possible. It's true. And your children regard you in the way you treat yourself, and your children regard themselves in the you know, in the way you treat yourself. And and then they got to work through that and light which. Which we're hoping. Is not well. Will be so much less necessary for for the super babies of the world. We hope. I mean, I hope that so deeply. what do you think are the best, some of the best and worst fertility trends tell me the best fertility trend that you are seeing right now, and the worst fertility trend that you're seeing right now.

Oh, my. That's such a good question. the best. I because I'm paying attention to, you know, different Reddit conversations. And of course, as a health journalist, being out in this space, you know, I don't know if I would call this a trend, but I think it's important. you know, I froze my eggs in 2015 as so many women around that time started to do and have done subsequently, which overjoyed me. That's I think that's it's it's a great choice. I have been learning recently, as I mentioned before, it's not that's that's not 100% guarantee.

and it's also important to educate. I'm realizing that the IVF industry is, a little bit of the Wild West in some ways, and you've got to go in, with a soft heart. But like a strong spirit. And you ready to advocate for yourself? insurance is a piece to navigate. you want to find that really, well credentialed doctor with good success rates, but also somebody you you really feel like you can trust. And, but there's just a lot out there that seems unregulated and sadly, some really, not so great stories that women have experienced.

So you point is like, you need this space in your life to focus on this and be spending your off hours away from work doing the research and really making the right decisions. around that. That's just been an unfortunate, trend that I would say I've seen the the best fertility trend. And I'm not just saying this because you and I are sitting here, it's that you and I are sitting here because I believe this so truly. But like when I, when when I found you on Instagram and then I was like the Prime minister, like, what a what a freaking brilliant brand name, you know, but this I think the more of us who can treat this as, I don't want to say a project because that's that's not what I'm trying.

You shouldn't treat it like a project, but drop into this space, you know, journey through this. It is physical. It, you know, with the supplements, the exercise recommendations. It is psychological. It's spiritual. I love I was listening to to a module the other the other night when I was on a walk, and you were like, no, literally, like after you have sex. It is not a myth. Prop your feet up for 30 minutes. You know, I mean, yeah, that only makes sense, right? Yeah. That. Yeah. So you want gravity working for you, not against you.

Yeah. So you know, and and I've been, right after my second miscarriage in October, I started going to acupuncture. So embrace the modalities. Understand that. I think it's just really good that more of us are understanding that Western medicine, like, my job is she's very accomplished. She's very, very good. But, like, she I'm a number to her. Like, I'm just like part of the hospital. She has 15 minutes to spend with you. But also she has a purview, right? Like her scope of work is very clear.

Holistic fertility care and the best one-step advice 31:20

It's very set. It is not. How does psycho neuro immunology fit into this? How does social psychology fit into this? How does stress fit into this? How does nutrition, how does that you know that and and that we can expect that because that's not how she was trained. And that's not what her practice of medicine is or her practice of care is. Right. So you're that's exactly right. Like being, you know, knowing that it's upon us to go out there and find the resources and the guides that we need and not just take it as given that if this a doctor is assigned to this part of the body, that's the only person that you should be talking to, who you should be talking to.

Amen. So really embracing that much more holistic scope, and and, and what was the other point that I was going to make along with that? But yeah. Oh, just once you find something like the Prime Minister and I would suspect there are few other, you know, the programs like it. I'm sure there like, maybe some others that try to be like it. But to me, I'm like, this is the truth. Like this. This is actually all of it, you know? So it is actually all of it. There's nothing more. I mean, I obviously I'm biased because I spent 100,000 hours of my life creating, creating it.

But then the proof is in the pudding, right? I spent 100,000 hours of my life testing, developing, refining, I mean, the number of super babies and now super grand babies who exist in the world. They they are the proof of the the beauty and, the breadth and the depth that you get in the Prime Minister protocol, which I think is cannot be, rivaled anywhere in the world. I, I would love to know. It's. This is a really hard question, Kristine. When if imagine the the person, the people listening to us could only do one thing to take care of their fertility and their future super babies.

What do you think that one thing should be? I think you and I spoke to it when we said, look at, look around your life, at the people in it. your partner, if you have a partner, the person you want to be, your partner, your closest friendships, your family, certainly your workplace, because you're with those people you know, stay eight hours a day, and clean it up. Like, really get honest with yourself. Who is nourishing you and who is depleting you? I just learned at a young age I, you know, I was I was in a my first relationship.

I was a teenager. It was not a great relationship ship. but it kind of set me on this path toward, you know, like, questing to find, what what my self-worth was, what it meant to me. And, and that really led me to, like, make healthy choices all around in my life. And, and you want to be surrounded by people who want to see you do well in life and be all that you can be because you're you're going to make healthier choices and more aspects of your life. If you have that. I think to me, that's the number one.

I love that so much. Look around your life at the people who are in it and and clean it up. Get really honest with yourself. And I think that it's so beautiful that you underscore this. And this is why there are social and cultural levels of that fertility and pregnancy pyramid, and that the Prime Minister protocol has the social and cultural dimensions, and nowhere else in the world has those when addressing fertility, because the scientific data are so clear that these are so critically important.

I mean, the effects are like the effects of smoking in our health, in our lifespan. And and yet nobody else is talking about these things. And it's so easy to underestimate their importance. And it's so easy to think it would be nice to feel safe at home with my partner, to feel safe completely being myself. But it can't be that important. And I just need to get my my baby. And the truth is, it's that important. Yeah. Yes. Yep. And I'm glad that there I mean, I, I wish that this message were more widespread, but I'm glad that there aren't more people saying it because one of the reasons that I'm able to just, you know, my undergrad degree is in is in clinical psychology.

you know, I interned in psychology and psychiatry at the Cleveland Clinic. Like, I've my whole career has been in this. But that's what tells me that, like you are, I don't want to hear this from anybody else. It's your background. Like nobody else should be pretending to have the authority to to be citing, you know, these trends, this data, because I feel like you're you're one of the precious few on the planet right now, I think. Who, who we should be taking this in from. Wow. That means so, so very much to me.

You you know what this work means to me. So thank you. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you so much. And last question. before we wrap up today, what does Super Baby mean to you. What what what does it what feeling does it invoke in you.

What a super baby means and closing reflections 37:40

What what does it look like? What does it feel like? Oh my gosh. some of the visualization that we do as part of the semester, I just have this vision. I grew up in a lake community on the East Coast. So in the summers it was just all bets were off. We were out on the boat eating our Doritos, you know what I mean? Like blasting. We built this city. yeah, and I could. I just like to me, I super, baby. It's just the moment when we're, like, in the car driving somewhere on a sunny day, and I've got a child or a couple children in the backseat, and they are just belting to like, some hit, you know, that's on the radio.

That's like really popular right in that moment. And, you know, we've got the windows down and we're just like that happiness and that joy for for all of us. Not just for me, but like that's what I think about, I certainly like I think super baby, like, your children are like, you know, the, the the soul. I know that they must have. But also like the performance and all of that, that to all of that too. But like, I have to bring myself into that single pillar moment and, that that is what I think.

That's what I think about. That's what I'm like. We've done it. We have done it. That is the most beautiful vision of a super baby that I ever heard. Yeah, I mean, they've all been absolutely magnificent. Like, I want to, real of just. Like hands are. After the other because they feel so amazing. The, the experience of hearing the reflection of each of the speakers on the. It's I, I can't even describe it, but this one and the day. Kristine. The day you have that moment of recognition and you're like, this is that moment I was talking about.

We did it. We've arrived. Yeah. I want you to send me a video right then and there, please. Or or don't. Take yourself out of the moment, but as soon as you can send me a video, please, I will be. So I talk about, like this super baby dance that we do every time. And there's a new positive pregnancy test, a new ultrasound photo, a new super baby photo. Like the squealing. The jumping up and down, the tears like that is going to be that moment. Times. A million. Oh my. I will do it when I get out of high accuracy.

It just happened so. Oh my God, I can't wait for that. So much, so much. Kristine has been so this has been truly an honor. Thank you so much for being here to share. You have blessed a lot of people today. Thank you. Your honor is mine. You're amazing. And I just, you know, we are we are in it together. and every every person who's listening to this, I'm like, we can do it. rely on faith and rely on Dr. C Thank you. Thank you, thank you, Kristine, so much. And thank you to you listening, being here with us today.

And I can't wait to see you in the next one. Thank you so much. Thanks, Dr. C