How To Use Femininity For Fertility

Introduction and Guest Background 0:00

Welcome back to the super fertility Summit. I'm your host, Dr. Cleopatra, and we have Geeta Sidhu-Robb with us today. Geeta, you're a five time winner of the Entrepreneur and Businesswoman of the year award. You developed the hugely successful not Detox in 2008 after your son was born with severe food allergies, eczema, asthma and anaphylaxis and you built a formidable reputation for success in the health and nutrition industry. Counting Gwyneth Paltrow as one of your first clients, you retrained from lawyer to a health and wellness coach, first set successful professional women in 2014 and over the years, you've built up a roster of world famous clients working with the Duchess of York, Sarah Ferguson, Nadia Swim, Swarovski I'm like, I think.

I should know this by Swarovski. Did I say that correctly? Yes, I did. You did, you did. Yeah. Okay. All right. And and many, many others. and you, do so much incredible work in the world. Your coaching clients describe working with you as transformational and life changing and credit your coaching with helping them get promotions, double their revenue, manage, manage successful IPOs, and launching massive company growth and helping them to have happy, healthy personal lives while achieving all of this.

And you have also recently done something absolutely incredible, which you got to speak about at the United Nations. I'm going to let you share a little bit about that in the course of our interview. And today we're going to be talking about how our femininity is not only important, but critical to our success when it comes to reproduction and every other part of our lives and so many other things. And I welcome you, Geeta. I'm so happy to have you here. Thank you so much for having me. I'm so happy to be here.

Thank you for spending this time with us, Geeta. I always want to know when I start the interview. What is the one thing that you hope that the women, men, humans of all genders, listening to our voices right now

Power, Approval, and Femininity 2:51

will take away from the discussion that we're about to have? I think the most Life-Changing thing is knowing your own power and actually how incredibly powerful we are, which we constantly give away to other people without knowing that we're doing it because we don't understand how much power we hold within us. You know? And that's the thing that I think is the most important thing. Where do we learn to give away our power? Geeta, I think that it's it's there's 2 or 3 different things that I think we, I attribute this to.

One of them is like the core thing that everybody has is a kind of entrainment. It's a kind of a pulling into a system that already exists. It takes a lot of energy to fight an existing system. Right? And not only energy, physical energy, but also emotional mental energy. A lot of the time we don't have those energies because we're so busy trying to do our everyday life. Right. And so it's like, you know, old the way women dress, the way women look. So for us, it's such a subliminal thing, you know, like, don't be too much, don't be too loud, don't ask for too much.

That's one. The second thing is that especially for women, we're taught external motivation. We are taught to look for approval. And we are taught that looking for approval is incredibly important for us, and it becomes a survival mechanism after a while where we think, okay, well, I've got to look for approval because if I'm looking for approval and you approve of me, then I'm going to be safe and it's going to be good, you know? So we're good. And I think that that is the second thing, because you are going to look at this, you're going to think I need to be approved of I need to follow what the culture, needs of me.

And then the third version of this, I always think of it as a babushka doll. The three dolls that the Russians have. Yes. They Asian of this is that femininity is given a very negative view in the world. Women are emotional or they're weak or they're, you know, and and if you said to anyone, let's take 50% of the world and make them feel like they're not good enough, 50% of the world, you would think, well, that's outrageous, but it's happens to us. It happens to us every day because our normal is actually masculine.

That's right. And our our. Therefore, the feminine has to fit around the masculine kind of and adapt and shape itself, which we're not very good at, because actually it's not our job to do that. So I think that's where that comes from. Geeta, you said so many important things, so you want everyone who's listening to our voices right now to be able to take away the understanding of just how powerful they are. And when we think about fertility, one of the most potent things that we could ever do is step into our full, fertile power and self authority and step fully into an identity of a fertile as opposed to an identity of struggle or fearfulness around fertility, which is normal to have if you've been struggling or you're afraid you will because of age or a diagnosis like PCOS or some other thing.

But the the moment we shift our identity, a lot starts to open up and change for us. And you talked about how we're all giving away our power without even realizing it day in and day out, and that this is a probably a human condition, but especially a female human condition because of entrainment, because of being taught to be externally intrinsically motivated and seek approval, and then because our femininity isn't valued and masculinity is that the norm or the normal, and we have to try to fit into that.

And to me, these things are so, so powerful because one of the things that I observe in the in our practice at the Fertility and Pregnancy Institute and we we also see evidence of this in the data, is that there are certain aspects of ways of being or personality characteristics that might be considered more masculine, like a type A personality being, you know, really time pressured, really driven, hostile, easy to anger because you feel the pressure. You've got to run, you've got to do, you've got to be you've got to achieve.

is these things are actually can be linked to having more difficulties with fertility and, and men. You're like, oh yeah, not surprising. But what's so fascinating is that I think of you. You mentioned that it can be really offensive to somebody to think, does that mean that we're placing blame on somebody for and for for having those personality characteristics and not but the first of all, it's not. But also this is in a, an adaptive BI trauma response, but an adaptive response to the world that we live in today.

We've in many ways been given no choice but to have these characteristics and to some degree to be able to not only survive, but succeed in the world. Oh, I agree completely. Yeah. I mean, and it's very simple actually. Let's take blame out of it. It's like saying would you blame somebody who's Japanese for not speaking German, right. You wouldn't. But if you take Japanese and put them in the middle of Germany and say, I know you like to eat fish and you eat sauerkraut and eat all that stuff. Oops. Here's what I want you to do.

I want you start eating bread, start eating cheese. I want you to speak in a different language, behave in a different way and start going, you know, whatever. Fresh water, ice, cold swimming. Because the Germans love them dearly. But that way they like, do this stuff. And this person would end up with gastric issues.

Reclaiming Womanhood and Personal Power 8:49

They would not sleep well, they would gain weight. They would really hate their lives for a while, and they would feel really stupid and difficult. That's what we do to women. We say to women, enter this male environment, learn the language, learn the behaviors, learn the, learn how to adapt, learn how to succeed. But we are imitating men in order to do that because it has traditionally been specifically not only run by men, but, you know, whatever it's been, the infrastructure has been created by men.

Format. That's right. Doing that, your body doesn't need to have a baby because you're a man. That's it's disciplines of no. Is it judgmental? No. It's fact. Oh my God, I have such goosebumps. Can you say that one more time? Because when you take a man and you think like a man, and you act like you don't look like when you act like a guy and you think like a guy and you behave like a guy, the body doesn't need to have a baby because it's a guy. It's incredible. And by the way, research is historically has been based on men.

And then translated to women by treating them just like little men. Smaller versions of men. Number of mice that we do testing on for new products and drugs and solutions, 75% of them are men, male mice, not men. So we test women's products on male mice. That is not. That that this is this is really a really fascinating conversation because nobody's talking about this. And I'm I'm really thankful that we're talking about this. So how do we reclaim our femininity and still survive and succeed in the world?

Because I'm going to tell you that as the first woman in history, woman of color, scientist in history, on the tenure track at the UC Davis School in 2010, I. I made history. And that wasn't that long ago. It's a bit shocking, right? That that I was the first woman of color. I'm going to tell you, I was told my voice is too feminine, I look too feminine. My body's too feminine. I smile too much. I'm too happy. It looks frivolous. I can't be I can't possibly be as smart as everybody because I'm too happy, not serious enough.

And I'm not grumpy looking enough because most of my colleagues were very grumpy looking. No offense, but true. And most of them. And. Man, that's a that's a a big battle to fight. And I know it firsthand. I fought it prime mastering I fought it pregnant I, I fought it postpartum with two toddlers and an infant. You know, I mean, you just wow. How do you do it? Because I think most people would be like, it's just easier to to be and trained. As you said, it takes a. Lot of energy to fight the system.

It really does. for me, what happened is that I worked out I had a huge event happen in my life, which is usually the way. Right? You've got a plan, and then God comes and knocks you off to the left and laughs on the way. And I realize that being a good girl not only didn't save me from this event, but didn't have anyone help me with this, and I'm like, what the hell am I being good for? Screw being good. I mean, I took good and I was like, we're done. We're not being good anymore. And then I said, well, the problem was, was I didn't know who I was anymore.

If I wasn't being good, if I wasn't looking for approval, if I wasn't just going along on questioning, then who the heck was that? And that was the hardest thing for me to work on. And it's and it's actually what I coach now all the time because I know how hard it is because I didn't know. So for me, what happened was that I had to learn again, who tells you what a powerful woman looks like? Who tells you how powerful a woman behaves? Who tells you this? Because really, the people that we have telling us this work, they're terrifying.

We don't want to look like them. Right. And so I had to recreate myself, step by step, sell, buy, sell. And I got myself to a place where now I'm a very powerful woman and I really liked you. I yes. You know, I like money and I like how feminine I am with that because my my power, it took me a very long time to understand. But my power comes from my femininity. Yes, power came from everything else. And it. And you saw all of that away and you are left just naked. You as a woman. Then you're like, well, who am I?

What do I want? What do I say? That's why women become so much more powerful after perimenopause, because somehow society has no value for you, right? And you're like, oh, really? Watch this. And then you go stand up, you know? So actually we can come there much earlier if we think that what we want and need is the most important thing in the world. And that's what I did. I was like, I had to bring up three kids on my own, and I was like, okay, I have to make money doing this. I have to feed them. I want to not get married.

I want to not rely on anyone else. How do I do this? And that's what I did. I really imagined what being a woman was, and I reimagined who being a woman was, and I reimagined what that woman would do, how she would do it, who she would be down to, the damn underwear she would wear. And so I, we made myself. I am so in love with this. I love how you said I rebuilt myself, sell, buy, sell. And I reimagined who being a woman is, what being a woman is down. I reimagined her down to the underwear she would wear.

So mamas, daddies, humans listening. This is something that's available to you to to reimagine what, a woman looks and feels like to you, the the woman you want to be. What a super fertile woman looks and feels like to you, a man? What a super fertile man. Looks and feels like a super sexy, fertile, non-binary human. Looks like to you. And what I think is so beautiful is that you talked about stepping fully into your power and finding your power and recreating yourself from a place of embracing who you are in your femininity and loving yourself more, not fighting who you are.

And I think sometimes we have this idea that being powerful means like knuckling our way through our limitations or the limitations around us. And you know, you want powerful. Yes, yes. So so so beautiful. Geeta, I love that so much. Tell us about the incredible work that you're doing and that took you to the United Nations recently because it is all woman focused. So I really want you to share that. Thank you. so let me first say that none of this is an anti man rhetoric, right? You will never find me saying men are terrible.

I don't like my ex-husband. But that's because I think he's an asshole. because I think that's because he's male or white or I think he's specifically a dick, just him. And so once we move past that, everything that I do is never to be combative because I don't see I don't if I have to fight, you have to justify myself against you. And I'm not interested in that. I want to justify me against me. Right. Have you had something happen to you where you read something or heard something and you stop dead and you couldn't move forward?

Did I ever happen to know it's happened to me in April last year? There I am, happily along. I've got my three kids. I've been a single parent my whole lives. My whole life. I am finally the children are up the house more or less.

W Core, Workplace Safety, and the UN 17:00

They came to live here, but I never see them. They cost me a huge amount of money. But I'm making so much money I'm coaching, which I love. I'm so happy. And then I think, and it says that there was this man who was sexually assaulting all the women that worked for him. They had been trying for 11 years to take this guy to court, and every time I went to court, they it was, you know, our own Harvey Weinstein. They would smack him on the wrist. They go, oh no, it's fine. And you know, he'd be okay.

And he'd go off and do it to someone else and finally they got him in court and I was reading the court transcripts. And the women, the receptionist on the top floor said when he was going down the stairs, we were doing the receptionist on the ground floors. They had enough time to hide behind a locked door. You imagine having to work in that kind of an environment. And in this day and age, like what. In the world? And also just imagine that these women had no choice. They had to stay in that job.

That's why they were there. And just imagine that they had no one to turn to and just imagine they couldn't stop it and no one was listening. Right. I can't believe that. Was so terrible. So that's what happens for women. That's where there's three steps I was telling you about, where it comes to a train of approval and the dismissal of femininity having a value. Okay. And as I stopped dead, I could not move forward. And I was like, oh my God, this is awful. What what? Somebody has to do something.

And then, you know, nobody came flying in with their cake to do something, which is rude because I was waiting for them. And then I was like, shit, that's me. That I like to do. So I decided to do research. Took me about five six months. I reached out to Forbes because they had some data, we'd done some work and I was like, can I please have this data that we're like, yes. So we had 21,000 women's data. They had 75,000 women's data. So we put together 96,000 women's data of what makes a safe, supportive workplace for women to succeed in.

Oh my goodness, I'm in love. We created the criteria for that. And I was like, you know what? If you as a woman can't ask for this, that's okay, I can. I'll do it for you. So this certification is called W core. and the thing with W core is we certify all workplaces, whether you have a workplace with one person or you have a workplace with 65,000 people, we will certify and tell you how successful you are being at keeping women safe. So that they can succeed and flourish in your workplace. I know many institutions that need this certification deeply. Yes.

So it took me. It took me like six months of last year to think about it. Then in January this year, I was like, okay, universe, I'll do it, I'll do it. I didn't want to. I was like, I promise you, I didn't want it. So we launched it on like the eighth of a January. And then I was like, oh God, how do I do this? I hate startups. And then about three weeks in, this woman rang and came on my podcast and she said, and I was looking at her notes and I was like, oh my God. And she had built a global network and 145 countries.

I was like, how can you teach me how to build a global network? She was like, yes, sure. I was like, okay, amazing. I don't know how to do it. She's amazing. She's built an organization called days for girls reusable period pads. Her name is Celeste Murphy. She's fabulous. And she was wonderful. Mentor me. And I was like, so I would say to people, I don't know how to set up a global movement, but let's just go try. And so, yeah, so then she got me to speak at the UN on the 20th of March, and then we did that.

Yeah, it was the most terrifying thing. Terrifying. But you did it and you did it. You did it on behalf of women to make going to work safer and more dignified for women. I mean, I needed that so much when I was a young professor at USC. Every day I walked through those arches and walked through those double doors into the Davis school. My heart just sunk. I mean, I loved the research I was doing. I, I loved teaching my classes to my graduate students. I loved my lab, the the research assistants were bright and amazing.

But the socio political context of walking through that those doors each day were it was so crushing. The reason for that, babe, and you said it so well is because it wasn't a level playing field for you. It was a level playing field for a man. Right. And again, not to say it's good or bad, but when you're white, you understand white. When you're brown, you understand brown. It is just what it is. I don't care about making people bad for this or guilty. I want to do this and say, look, as women, let's and as humans, let's just say all of this is our responsibility, even though it's not our fault.

It is. It is our responsible. I mean, my husband says my my son is has the superpower of being the fastest boy on the pitch and the only thing and he's one and and usually the strongest, even when they're playing several age groups up. And the only answer that the other team has for him is to trip him and play dirty and foul him to stop him. And he will get so upset because he plays fair. He's tough, but he plays fair. And my husband said, nobody cares, Lux or I'm sorry. You're going to have to accept that you're in your career.

The answer that people are going to have for you is to foul you, and you've got to get over it. That's your responsibility to get over it, accept it and stay focused. And then and then play play against it. Right. And that's what you're saying. Like it's not our fault, but it's our responsibility to cope with it, to to change it because we can't wait for someone to come and save us and change it for us. I'm trying. I was waiting Cape, Cape. I was with my my dad, but it never happened. So I was like, okay, you know?

So I was like, well screw it, I'll bring I'll come without the cape, but I'm coming. And then I set it up and then we started. So five businesses and we just, you know, and yeah, here we are, so beautiful. I'm so proud of you. And by the way, the Fertility and Pregnancy Institute and Super Baby Nutraceuticals are doing their W core certification. We're very excited. Yeah. We're so proud to have you. Thank you. And we really, really honor and love what you're doing here. Geeta, tell us. If you could tell somebody one thing.

To take care of their future fertility and the health of their future super babies, what would that one thing be? And I know you're thinking about this because you have young adult daughters, and you want to make sure they get to have the most beautiful fertility experience and says, and you've seen too many people in the world

Fertility, Super Babies, and Closing Reflections 24:18

having really difficult fertility experience, terrible for. The world, not being able to have babies because, you know, and so I we have this conversation with my daughters like I'm like, when you did 26, if you aren't pregnant, we're, you know, making the baby freezing. And they're like, who says that? And I'm like, well, you know, what I find is, is two things. One, treat your body like it's the only one you have. Because cortisol will constantly stop you getting to a place of health. So if you treat not just your body is the only one you have, but your heart in your mind is the most important things that you do have.

Because stress is emotional and mental. Like if you look at your person, it's it's an emotional cost he's paying. They're not even so much that he recovers from the tripping. It's the hurt that he can't recover. And for women, because we're brought up to be externally validated, it is so difficult when you can find out who you are and how you want to be. It's the biggest piece towards your fertility because it's the biggest piece towards yourself. Power. If you grant yourself your own power and grant yourself permission to have it, then your world will go better.

If you grant yourself your own power and your permission, your own permission to have it, your world will go better. I mean, those are words to live by. And you said something so important. You said I started to treat my needs and wants as if they were the most important thing in the world, and I think that this is something that we are not only not taught as females, but we're taught the opposite of override your needs, override what your body's telling you so you can keep working, keep doing, keep people pleasing.

And it's interesting because I've actually seen data on how the stress of people pleasing likely impacts our fertility. And when you talk about treating your body like it's the only one you have in your heart and your mind like they're the only, only things you have, they're the most important things in the world. Your life, your life changes and opens up for you and such a beautiful way. And also, what an incredible legacy to pass down super babies you're making and raising. They will only do what you do. They will never do what you say.

That's your message to it? Yes. It's the only way to learn anything. That I showed you. The only do what. You do, not. What you say. I love that so, so much. Tell me, Geeta, what does the feeling of Super Baby? What does Super Baby feel like to you when you hear that term? What is it? What does it mean to you? What does it feel like to you? What do you see? What is it invoke in you? I mean, I kind of see the concept of a baby that's very awakened, right? It's a baby that's born in love and power and confidence and joy and that knows that and soaks that in because babies soak in everything that you give them, right.

And so if you're the super parent, then you're having the super babies on you. And that's, that's I think the the goal behind this, it's so much the goal behind what you do, isn't it? It is. And I love that so much. Right. I always say that it takes a village to make, grow and raise our super babies, and it takes a village to make, grow and raise us as super parents as well. And you're right, it is about us being super parents so that we create our super babies and and this this awakening in us.

And what a beautiful awakening and foundation of awakening it creates for them. And then they get to just soak in all the goodness and love is so beautiful. I love, I love that picture that you've painted so very much. Geeta, thank you so much for being here with us today. This has been incredible. What an honor and a gift to have you here. Thank you for the gift of decor and what you're doing for women everywhere. Thank you for going on about your life, which is all in order and comfortable, and being willing to stop in your tracks and start all over again with a start up and and build that global community.

And thank you for the honor of us getting to be part of it, and you coming here to share with us all. Such an honor and a pleasure. Thank you. Thank you. And to you listening. I hope you have laughed and been inspired and learned some really incredible things that you can take away in your heart and your soul, and very practical practically for yourself as the super parent and for your future super babies. And I will see you back here for the next interview. Join me there for the Super Fertility Summit.

I'll see you again shortly.