Multiple Orgasms For Men (Yes, It’s Real)

Introduction and Jim Bensonu2019s Background 0:00

Hi, everybody. Welcome back to another amazing session at the Solving Sexual Dysfunction Summit. You guys are in for a super treat because we're going to be talking with Jim Benson. So I'm really excited to that to start this conversation. You guys are definitely want to take some notes on this one and go back and listen to it again and again because you're going to get a lot of information. So thank you so much, Jim, for joining us today. You are so welcome, Betsy. I'm really glad to be here. You know, I always start with I love people's back story because I'm sure when you were growing up, you're like, I didn't dream on becoming like a sex coach.

So how do you how did you get to where you are today? I was kind of the opposite of that. So basically, I think for some people, their greatest gift comes from their greatest wounding, and that will certainly be the case for me. I was raised in a very religiously repressive, sexually, completely sexually repressed environment to the point where I had not really even kissed a girl into my twenties to that to that point. And when I finally did become more sexual, I had a fiancee leave me because I wasn't really bringing it in the bedroom so that initiated a deep period of self-reflection.

I joined men's groups and actually in the men's groups I was like, Hey, I'm not the only one who's having trouble. So that room, everybody that is in this group is having a problem at some level. So I think I made some commitment to myself to come back and teach men once I figured this whole sex thing out. So I did a lot of workshops, Human Awareness Institute, better sex seminars, a lot of tantra work, and it was in a tantra teacher training where I met my eventual teacher and also co-leader. We ended up leading groups together, Margot and and so from that point I started to really expand what I believe was possible in being sexual and, and so since that time, it kind of Margot kind of kicked me out.

The nest is like, you have to teach men this, you have to teach men this. And that was about 15, almost 20 years ago now. And so I've been doing that ever since. So I've I've gotten coaching training and I've gotten counseling training and the tantra certification that I also have. So there's a and I've been seeing men, I guess thousands of guys I probably worked with since that time. So yeah. This is kind of a common theme too, because I'm like, we don't get any kind of sex education growing up.

Like, we get educated about everything else and then everyone else is just supposed to sex. You're just supposed to figure out and I agree with you, I was grown.

Tantra, Sexual Awareness, and Menu2019s Teaching 3:08

I grew up in a a repressive religious background. And that makes things even ten times worse because this idea of, like, sex is bad and you're only supposed to have sex when you get married, and then it's only supposed to be for procreation. And then then you get to your adult years and you're supposed to be sexual, and you're like like, I don't know what to do with these messages. I've been told my whole life it's bad and now it's okay. But like, yeah, so how did you like find that and do you find that is a theme with other people?

Some guys have followed a similar path that I have in terms of the level of repression, and it affects everybody differently. Some people are like water off a duck's back and they're like, I'm good to go. And and in fact, I'm in a rebel. I'll go the other way. And other people are like, Oh, I'm going to I'm going to go to hell. If I if I continue on this path, I better stop. So I see guys from all kinds of backgrounds. So because I work with men all over the world, I have people who are in cultures that are more sexually repressed than Western cultures.

And I also have people in Europe who are you know, they're in Amsterdam and they're like very free and they're like, okay, I want to go to the next level. So it's a there's a variety out there. And then I'm also really interested about understanding tantra and how that plays into this, because I think there's kind of a missing understanding that people don't really know exactly what it is. Well, there's you could say there's the tantra, which is, you know, developed in India and is more of a full life to life training or life attitude.

And then there's what's called neotantra, which is what I've been trained in. And Margot on in others came back from India in the sixties and seventies and we're like, Hey, we're going to make this about, oh, and a little bio energetics. We're going to throw in some psychology. We're going to we're going to do this thing that's going to help people have better relationships and better sex. We're going to call it tantra. So it's not it's maybe a better word would be to use in sexual sexual awareness or sexual consciousness.

It's really more of what that's about and the principles at least in the lineage that the sky dancing tantra lineage that I'm in are movement. So learning to move your body breath, using your breath to cultivate higher state of arousal and sounding so making sounds as well. So that's that's some of the foundation. And I guess I would add to that intention often and attention so you're you're you're having greater awareness of what your body experiences and where you want to go, what your intention is.

And then how have you been able to incorporate this in your own teaching in the programs that you're doing with men? Well, the focus with men, there's a lot of unlearning to do with guys. I think in many ways for women making a gross generalization. But it might be easier for feminine body beings to surrender and let go and we think of women being as the ones who can have multiple orgasms, for instance. But that's not true. It's probably generally speaking, it tends in that direction. So male bodied humans are more focused on goal orientation and strategies, things along those lines.

So those are often the opposite of what needs to happen in order for a man to have multiple knowledge. Ejaculatory orgasms, which is one of the big things that I teach. And that's an idea that I just love, because we don't typically think of men having multiple orgasms, you tend to attribute that mostly to women. And so even going back and I know this is a little antiquated, if you think about the Masters in Johnson Science, you know, they have this graph, it's pretty linear in that, you know, you start off with excitement and then you get this plateau and then there's an orgasm.

Then things are done. And so, I mean, at the time that was great because at least it was an understanding of sexual, you know, the sexual function that we didn't have prior to that. But I think we've kind of gotten stuck in that model for both men and women for for too long. So I wanted to explain a little bit more about like multiple orgasms for men and how that's possible. So some teachings are you could say I would say some of the Daoist teachings. All right. Okay. There's these things that you have to do as you approach orgasm in order to keep from ejaculating.

And they usually involve creating more tension in your body. So you might have to, you know, squeeze your fists or gnash your teeth or roll your eyes heavenward or like you're doing these things to keep from ejaculating. And it's, in my experience, that's just creating more tension,

Multiple Orgasms, Surrender, and Stress 8:19

which often can cause an ejaculation more quickly. And other guys, I mean, everybody has a strategy, right? I'm going to use three condoms. I'm going to have a couple of drinks beforehand. I'm going to think of baseball statistics. When I get close to ejaculate it's like everybody's got some kind of strategy that they're going to use to keep from ejaculating or I'm going to edge, I'm just going to edge. And so the practices that I teach are less about creating more tension and trying to not ejaculate.

Instead, it's more about allowing a free flow of energy to move up your body so you can now have. So if the if your body is trapping energy in your pelvis, there's only one place for it to come out and that's an ejaculation. But if you can allow the energy, we're calling this thing called energy, move up your body through your central channel, which, you know, as a doctor, I work I work with doctors. Now, there is no central channel and like, well, at some level there is. But anatomically, you're right, you're absolutely right.

There is no central channel but an energetic speaking. There is. And so that's what you let the energy move up so it can now go up to your throat or it can come off the top of your head or there's a you're now allowing something to move through you. And, you know, Wilhelm Reich talked about organ or like orgasmic, the flow of orgasmic energy. And that's what you're allowing to move through your body in an uninhibited way. And that's the I think that's really close to his definition of an orgasm.

So that's what that's what I'm all about and that's what I'm encouraging guys to learn. And there's a step by step method to get there. And do you find that there's a lot of like in teaching that you have to do when it comes to men in general and what's what seem to be the most common like teaching that you have to do? Yes. If you think about I talked a little bit just a moment ago about that, there's the strategic mind that men have. There is a sense of goal orientation, which for most guys it's like, I'm going to ejaculate. That's my goal.

And the unlearning of that is challenging because if you think about the whole biological force behind, you know, I'm make I'm continuing the race on this planet. That's a powerful force. Right. And in fact, even fast ejaculation, those are the genes that probably got passed on throughout history because the fast ejaculation women, you know, the ones the ones who get exactly the fastest are the ones who pass their genes on. So, you know, we're we have a history of fast ejaculation as a race. There is a species so there's unlearning about the goal of ejaculation.

There's unlearning about I mean, have a strategy in order to make that happen. And there's an unlearning about control and being in charge. And that's if we're talking about getting to a place of truly experiencing non ejaculatory orgasmic states, there's something called surrender that most men aren't interested in doing and you could talk about surrender with more feminine body people, and they'd be like, Oh yeah, I love like, there's something about the letting go that's more aligned with the feminine sensibility.

And it's not for men. It's like, you know, I'm going to wave the white flag of surrender. And that means I've lost like, no, you're just surrendering your own sense of control and trying to direct things. And now you can let something bigger than you move through you. And if you've ever had that see a multiple orgasm where you're like, Wow, something is just like taking me over. That's the thing that a lot of men are afraid of. And that's the key to them getting to that point of being able to have multiple knowledge equity orgasms.

And it kind of like I'm thinking of also from my medical brain because I tend to get into that and you know, going back to that energy, that central energy, I'm like, I think they're starting to figure out that maybe the vagus nerve may be the closest anatomically to what we can say is that central energy. But I totally believe in all the other stuff, too, because I think, you know, sometimes there's just stuff we just can't describe or figure out in atomically or medically. But then I always go back to this we can't have stress and sex.

They can't both exist simultaneously. And and so I'm wondering, is is there a like for men, is there a level of stress that we're seeing? Is that what's stopping them from maybe performing as well in or enjoying as well in the bedroom? Totally. I'm so glad you said that. When I'm going to men are applying to work with me, I'm always asking like, what's your stress level? And tell me more about that. Because if guys are like, I'm at a nine or I'm at a seven and I'm, I'm, I'm totally stressed out, that's, that's going to affect your sex life because as you said, if you're in sympathetic nervous system response in most of your waking life, you're it's going to be hard to switch over to Parasympathetic and be like, okay, rest and digest.

We're just chilling here. That's it. And how do you get there? Oh, I mean, have a few drinks and like, I'm going to it. It's it's it's really difficult for guys who are stressed all the time. So what I'm what I'm encouraging is lifestyle changes. That's a lot of what this is about. Oh, what are you doing to, first of all, experience pleasure on a daily basis? How are you taking care of yourself? What are you doing to be in more of a parasympathetic mode? Are you meditating? Are you doing any kind of yoga?

Are you doing breathing practices? Are you, you know, well, working out, it's kind of a baseline for guys because that feels like, okay, at least I can get some points for the working out part because my body's going to improve or I'm going to feel stronger. And so I'm checking that box. But to do some of these other things is a little challenging for guys. So I'm really glad you brought that up. Stress is the is the opposite of what most guys need to be cultivating in themselves in order to get to these states.

And I'm starting to see this theme and it's kind of it's showing up on TV commercials all the time is this idea of low t and so many guys are blaming this. The struggles with sex. Our must be my low testosterone, but I don't think it's all just a hormone thing. So I wanted to ask you what your opinion is on why we're seeing men struggling, especially as they're aging? I think testosterone actually does have a lot to do with it if I mean, if guys, I used to not I used to be like Mr. Pure, like, okay, I don't want you taking any.

I didn't do it quite like that, but let's not take any, you know, Viagra, Cialis, let's not let's not ejaculate for a while. Let's not do any hormone replacement therapy. Let's just let's just go with what you're where you're at. And now I'm like, you know, let's talk about what's available for us. And so I'm much more open to what would bring guys the kinds of bodily responses that they need in order to have really successful, really pleasurable sex that's what I that's what I'm more focused on.

So if somebody is in the I mean, we'll just use the not just free testosterone, we'll just say like in the 250 to 400 or 500 range, something like that, that's not technically low. And most of your you know, your PCP is your physicians will be like, you don't need any testosterone. And I'm like, why don't we try it? Let me try it. Can you find a different doctor that might bump you up to 800 or 900 just as an experiment to see what that would be like for yourself. So I'm I do a lot of experiments on myself with these kinds of things.

And I think that's why I've shifted over from like being Mr. Purity is only just going to do this the natural way to like, well, what's natural? What are we going natural? What's available to us? So I think that guy should be exploring and, you know, doing herbs and trying different things and seeing what's going to work for them rather than just a one size fits all. No, you know, if you're not above this certain number, you should not be getting extra testosterone. So I like that. Thank you for thank you for explaining that.

And then I kind of interested in knowing a little bit more and I hope I don't open old wounds. But going back with your history that kind of got you on this path, you know, and this this fiancee that that left, what do you think was the biggest lesson that you took from that that has now helped you with your business nowadays and in

Testosterone, Aging, and Personal Lessons 17:18

helping other men? I there's probably multiple lessons there for me. I think I was very much into strategy and trying to find ways to give her orgasms. It was I was very focused on, well, if I can make her come multiple times and then that's it. That's what I need to do. And it became it was very focused on attention on her and making sure she had pleasure. And I had completely abandoned myself, I guess you could say. I didn't I didn't know how to conduct orgasmic energy in my own body in a very at all, really, you know.

And so if if it's all about her and you're not present, well, how can you have a truly connected, mutually satisfied lying sexual relationship? Right. How does that happen? If it's all about her and her and her and her and who's who's here to have sex in this body over here. So I would say that that would be probably one of the biggest lessons that I learned. And it's a lifelong lesson because if you've been focused on that for such a chunk of time and you think that that's how it needs to be, I still find myself falling back into that.

Oh, God of pleasure. Her pleasure, her and I'm like, Well, no, no, no, no. I can, I can. My needs are important, too. And let's focus on myself. Now, I think some guys might be overly lean towards the narcissistic side of things. You might be like, It's all about my needs, it's all about my needs. And that's that's another issue. But for me, it was more I'm going to be the pleaser. I'm going to make her happy. And that's how I'm going to secure love and secure this relationship doesn't work. Just so you know, it might work for a little while, but in the long run it is now work.

Oh, so there's so that brings up. There's like it seems like there's two themes going on here too, that there's this where we kind of, you know, missed the boat. Is that this too much focus on either the partner or the self and then also trying to race to the finish line. So I think one of the things that's sometimes even harder to do other than just the sex is how do you encourage men to kind of talk to their partners or even have that conversation with themselves so that they can grow and develop, you know, better sexual practices.

When you can you say a little more about this race to the finish line. Do you mean it as a habit that that's the time. Yeah. For guys. Down. To do that because that I mean for some guys they that that's a way of relieving sexual anxiety it's like I'm going to get to the finish line. Woo, we did it. We can check the box and that's all right. But that's a and I think having a conversation with your partner, if they're open to it. And again, we all have different like you said, I mean, there's so little sexual education, the right kind of sexual education that's happening in our culture.

It's it's way too brief sex and relationship. We just say how to have a relationship like that would also be a great thing to learn in school. Many years of that training. So sex and relationship training. Yes. So if you have a partner who's you can communicate with, you feel safe with, that's the key, right? That you feel safe enough to talk about these things with. And now you can have a conversation like, well, what I like to do is going to last longer to be with you. And I would like to not rush to the finish line, but I feel like I have to because X-Y-Z and your partner is like, Oh, well, that's not as important for me.

I would. For me, it's more about connection and like B really being with you while we're making love and the guy's like, Are you telling the truth? Really? You don't want me to stay hard for hours? And she's like, Well, actually, I get kind of sore. So you're you're you're having a conversation. If you can do that, that's fantastic because now you can both look at how can we how can we make our goals alive? How can we bring them to fruition? I like that because it makes me start thinking about I've been married for 20 years now and I'm like going, you know, our conversations have changed over the time because prior to kids it was this like, you know, we didn't have any other things going on.

So it was like, let's see how long we can go. And now it's like, all right, we have kids and we have jobs and we have to. And it's like Ari trying to find the time to even have sex. And there's still sometimes that old script like, all right, let's go forever. And I'm like, No, no, no, I don't want to do that forever. Like, let's, let's do this and get it done. It's not like like let's get it done. Like like it's a chore. But, like, there are times when it's like, all right, you can't you just can't do that forever.

Totally. And however, I would just ask you, if you're on a vacation, the kids are gone and, you know, in a nice hotel somewhere that's like and you have four or five days or a week together. Are you able to get back to that place of like, all right, now we can expand and do this as long as we want? Is that or did you loop that somewhere along the line? You know what, I think when you've been with somebody for 20 years, you go through ebbs and flows where sometimes you get it and you're like, Oh, wait, this is great.

It's back to the way it was when we first met. And then there are some times where it's like, Wow, this is work. And then you start questioning like, or why is this work? And then you kind of almost get into this mindset like, Oh, because it's work is this is our problem. And then I think one of the things I've learned over the years is, no, it's always learning. It's not like, okay, you do it one way, one time. That's the way you do it for the rest of your life. And it's always going to work out a certain way.

So it's been and I think that's been surprising to me because I just thought same thing like years ago, like you figured it out and that was it. And that just worked. That way for the rest of your life. So that's really not true, is it? I mean, to go from for me, feeling like, oh, I ejaculate too early. Wow, I can't ejaculate at all to like, oh, I can only ejaculate

Communication, Initiation, and Rejection 23:38

if I'm really connected to my partner and then just like move over and then, oh, I think I really kind of lost that ability to have multiple ejaculations till like, oh my God or any people on the planet having the experiences that I'm having. This is fucking incredible. So it's just all it for me. I just mean those waves that you're talking about, they've been huge for me. So I think that that's so true and wise to say. Things change over time and you know, women go through menopause. Men go through challenges as they age.

You know, your stress levels change. So, you know, there's so many factors and kids go, yeah, everything changes when you have kids and you know. I think kids sometimes are probably one of the biggest causes of sexual dysfunction. I totally agree. Totally agree. Giving the kid no. Getting no. You know what? Actually, I was thinking about because I hear it so much from the women's side and and I've actually experienced it myself. Is that I went through a period of time with my husband when any time he reached out for any kind of intimacy, my mind would go automatically go, oh no, he wants to have sex.

And so I would pull away and basically not make myself emotionally or physically available because I was like, I don't want to have sex because either I was too busy or hurt or some or anything like that. And over time he stopped reaching out. And it was funny because that was a theme I started hearing from a lot of my patients too, that they were afraid that just if their husbands or male partners even just put a hand on their back, they were getting defensive and cringing because they're like, Oh no, that means he wants to have sex.

Wear a hand on the back. Doesn't always know. So, I mean, you have sex. And so I've seen it dealt with it from a female standpoint, how would you kind of counsel men when if they're in that that kind of situation? Because that can be come across as a rejection to them. Oh, you think? Yeah, it does. I'm so glad you brought this up. And I really appreciate your vulnerability. Vulnerability in speaking about your own life and this. So thank you so much. I've absolutely experienced exactly what you're talking about.

What I would say for the guys is to find a way to talk about this that you can say, Hey, you know what I'd like right now? It's a practice. You kind of it's a lab. You're entering a laboratory in a way, you know, like right now, I'd like us to lie close with each other and hold each other and do some breathing. And I don't want to have sex right now. Even if you do, guys, even if you do want to have sex, you're not going to have it right now. But you're going to do you're going to be close. You're going to breathe, you're going to look at each other's eyes.

You might kiss a little bit or something like that, or you might even do. For me, it was a big thing when because of I want a woman to hold my cock and say, But you know, we're going to be like, I'm touching this cock. That means you want sex. It's the same kind of thing you're talking. Yes. And so I'd have to say specifically what I really like you to do is to hold my cock right now. I'm not I'm not feeling super sexual, but it would feel so good to me if you're just holding my cock and we could we could breathe or just even kiss a little bit.

And that would that could be so powerful for me to just do that. And for some guys, they'd be like, Well, if she's doing that, I want to go all the way with it. And I'm saying, How about learning a new way to be? Rather than I'm going to go into my old way of being. And if she does that and then she leaves and you need to masturbate to ejaculate because it's like, I don't want blue balls in there, so fine, go ahead and do that. But while you're with her, take the pressure off of anything needing to happen and create a new groove in your relationship.

That is, we're going to be close. There might be some touching. It may even look like sexual touching, but it's not actually, we're not headed in a sexual direction. I like that because it takes the pressure off because I do hear from from women a lot that that they get so defensive to the point where now they're just then now they're concerned about their relationship because they're not having sex because they just don't know how to relax and they complain like I especially when Viagra came on the market, that became like a whole new level because like it was funny, the men were all happy that they had the Viagra and the women were coming complaining.

They're like, Oh my God, now I feel like all he wants is sex. And I'm like, There's wait. Like, we need to take off the sex from the menu and everybody just relax and, you know, and then I found that once we once was were my female patients that once we were able to get them to kind of relax and that not all touch naturally has to lead to intercourse, that they actually started reporting improvements in their sex lives because they were able to not be defensive and have that level of stress and they were able to relax.

And they actually then ended up having sex and enjoying it and then going, Why don't we do this more often? So so that the low desire partner, as they're called. Right. So, yes, I don't know if I totally agree with that, because I think our desire levels can always change, you know, based on the quality of the sex you're having. You might be low desire because you're like, I'm no desire for that kind of sex. Yeah, but. But what you're saying makes so much sense. And I occasionally will counsel men or couples if I'm working with couples to take sex off the menu or to be only, have only have the woman or the load is our partner in this be the initiator and say, you know, until she says, I want to be sexual, you are sexual with yourself.

You're doing your multi orgasmic practices. You're you know, you're you're in your own world over here. And if she wants to come join you and be like, Oh, what is it that you're doing over there with the breathing and the channeling, the energy, and you're like, Well, you can join if you like, so I'm my own cake. You're the icing. But you know the cake. I'm I'm the cake. And the cake is delicious. I like that analogy. That is really great. So, you know, the other thing I was bringing up is the stress of initiating like you made me just like that can be incredibly stressful on either partner because there sometimes that mental fear in the background is like if I initiate what happens if they say no?

So what have been your advice with counseling people on how to handle that or how to maybe properly initiate or or. Yeah, I'm a fan of the direct method rather than like I initiate when I massage her shoulders. And then I just hope that that turns into said yes. That's the kind of thing you're talking about where women are like, She's touching me. What does that mean? So now you were caught in that model, right? Yeah. What if what if instead of guys learning to be okay with whatever response the woman comes up with and you know, if your history when you were a teenager, you were rejected over and over again in your requests for intimacy.

And however you did them or just even going out on dates with women, you're going to be sensitive to rejection. Yeah. So how do we build that muscle as guys? And and it's just repetition and being more okay with yes or no, whatever it is. And then you can negotiate. She's like, No, well, can we do a raincheck? You know, when can we talk again? In two days or whatever it is, you know, why don't you let me know? So you're you it's more of a conversation rather than there's so much you know behind this, so much pressure, so much, so much lies on it.

Everything is riding on the answer, her answer to this. So that's from the men's perspective. But as one of the benefits of shifting it to the woman initiates is the women can see how vulnerable all it is to ask for being sexual going like, whoa, this is like horror. You have to do this all the time. It's a great empathic experience for women to get men's world and how often he's had to ask for sex. So that's one of the reasons I do it, is to encourage women to take some of that vulnerability. On the one hand, being the initiator.

I have to agree with that because I've been in that situation too, where I've tried to initiate, but I've done the like round about and I'm like and the other person's not figuring out what I'm saying. And then you're just like, All right, this is really hard. But to come out right and just say like, okay. And then I realized over the years is that no may mean not right now, not like no forever.

Performance Anxiety, Somatic Awareness, and Sound 32:28

Like maybe, you know, maybe they're not feeling well, maybe they're stressed out. Maybe there's something gastrointestinal going on. Maybe dinner didn't sit right like there. But that no, doesn't always mean like no forever. Like this big, like rubber stamp of rejection. So but in the person who's making the request, in their mind it can be that big. And that's why they don't ask directly in the first place. Yeah. Now in just I know I could like I said I could this topic and in talking with you I could go for hours.

But in just wrapping up, is there anything I didn't ask about that you really think is important for us to know? I just noticed that one of the biggest issues that I come across most often, I would say, is performance anxiety for men. And I guess the whole term I have issues with terms like that. We're calling it a performance already puts it in some category where it's not about connection and intimacy and love, right? So what if you were able to shift from this this mindset of, okay, I'm over here on this separate individual and I have to do all these things in order to show up a certain way to make her happy.

Like, I'm just this is the male. This is the male's perspective. Yes. Yeah. And so often we get in our heads and I again, I spend so much of my time helping men not be in their heads and enter more of their. The animal bodies of their of themselves. Yeah. What are your ways to do that? So if you are in a state of I need to perform, what can you do to bring yourself into more of a somatic and connected place? So somatic by somatic I mean I want to feel into my sense sensual body rather than everything above my neck.

Yeah. Yeah. So many men would benefit if they had strategies to do that for instance, here's one. You could just start touching your partner in a way where your attention is on the contact with your partner and you're not just doing it to make them feel good. You're feeling the goodness of the sensation on your own hand or your forearm or whatever. You're touching them with. And how can I increase the pleasure while I'm doing that? So now your attention is all about pleasure contact. You're using your mind in a really good way.

You're directing it towards the this body centered experience rather than, oh, god, what if I we're we're up in here spinning around the strategizing, calling forth from the past, the bad images, worried about what the future might remember. You're not here anymore. So this the simple act of getting into the sensual body with your partner will go a long way to having you feel less pressure and less performance anxiety. I love that. And I was thinking about to where they say that the brain could only focus on one thing at a time.

So and you brought up earlier that not only with touch, but that you incorporate sound. And so I've I've heard that like like like if you're a very visual person, maybe you want to like, you know, depending on you want to focus on other senses, senses focus on touch. Well, then you're only going to focus on the touch. Or maybe if you need to distract yourself, like focus on some hearing and sound or smell or like we can only our brain can only focus on one sensation at a time. So yeah, I mean, that's a whole other discussion.

I'm not sure if we have time to go through. That's a own that's its own world. That making sound actually increases pleasure in your body. So when you make sound, you you are you're opening yourself up to more pleasure. And it could also create more pleasure in your partner as well. And then we're heading into a whole realm of dirty talk and other things that we could we could go down discuss about. But being able to make sound is, is, is awesome. And, and a lot of guys are inhibited in that because, I mean, just think about if you were raised on porn, you don't hear the guy, the headless guy who's having sex.

You sound right. It's all about the woman's orgasm, right? So again, we get a lot of input from what we think sex should look like as opposed to what is our experience of what we're feeling inside of our bodies. So that's why I keep going back to the somatic for everybody, whether your channel is auditory, visual or kinesthetic. I like that. This is this has been absolutely amazing talking to you. Where can people find out more information about you? And my website is awakenedmasculine.com and that's where I have my online Multi Orgasmic Lover program.

And you can also apply to work with me if you want one on one coaching. That is amazing. So I'm going to encourage everybody to go check that out because I've looked at his website and it's really impressive because you've got like you have articles and things on there. And so it's been it's a really good website. So thank you once again, Jim, for taking the time to speak with us today. I really, really appreciate it. Betsy, it's been a pleasure. You've been an awesome interviewer and a delight for me to be here today.

Awesome. I just want to remind everybody, stick around because we have more amazing sessions coming right up up.