Multiple Orgasms For Men (Yes, It’s Real)

Jim Benson

You are so welcome, Betsy. I’m glad to be here.

Betsy Greenleaf, DO, FACOOG (Distinguished)

I always start with I love people’s back stories because I’m sure when you were growing up, you’re like, I didn’t dream of becoming like a sex coach. How did you get to where you are today?

Jim Benson

I was kind of the opposite of that. For some people, their greatest gift comes from their greatest wounding, and that will certainly be the case for me. I was raised in a very religiously repressive, sexually, completely sexually repressed environment to the point where I had not even kissed a girl into my twenties to that point. When I finally did become more sexual, I had a fiancee leave me because I wasn’t bringing it into the bedroom, so that initiated a deep period of self-reflection. I joined men’s groups, and in the men’s groups, I was like, “Hey, I’m not the only one who’s having trouble in that room; everybody that is in this group is having a problem at some level.” I made some commitment to myself to come back and teach men once I figured this whole sex thing out. I did a lot of workshops at the Human Awareness Institute, better sex seminars, and a lot of tantra work, and it was during a tantra teacher training that I met my eventual teacher and co-leader. We ended up leading groups together, Margot, and so from that point, I started to expand what I believed was possible in being sexual, and so since that time, it kind of kicked me out. You have to teach men this. You have to teach men this. That was about 15—almost 20 years ago now. So I’ve been doing that ever since. I’ve gotten coaching training, counseling training, and the tantra certification that I also have. I’ve been seeing men; I guess thousands of guys I’ve probably worked with since that time.

Betsy Greenleaf, DO, FACOOG (Distinguished)

This is kind of a common theme too, because I’m like, we don’t get any kind of sex education growing up. We get educated about everything else, and everyone else is just sex, as you are supposed to figure out, and I agree with you. I grew up in a repressive religious background. That makes things even worse because this idea of, like, sex is bad, and you’re only supposed to have sex when you get married, and it’s only supposed to be for procreation. You get to your adult years, and you’re supposed to be sexual, and you’re like, I don’t know what to do with these messages. I’ve been told my whole life it’s bad, and now it’s okay. But, yes, so how did you find that, and do you find that a theme with other people?

Jim Benson

Some guys have followed a similar path to mine in terms of the level of repression, and it affects everybody differently. Some people are like water off a duck’s back, and they’re like, “I’m good to go. And I’m a rebel. I’ll go the other way.” Other people are like, “Oh, I’m going to go to hell. If I continue on this path, I better stop.” I see guys from all kinds of backgrounds. Because I work with men all over the world, I have people from cultures that are more sexually repressed than Western cultures. I also have people in Europe, in Amsterdam, and they’re like, “Okay, I want to go to the next level.” There’s a variety out there.

Betsy Greenleaf, DO, FACOOG (Distinguished)

I’m also interested in understanding tantra and how that plays into this because there’s kind of a missing understanding that people don’t know exactly what it is.

Jim Benson

Well, you could say there’s the tantra, which was developed in India and is more of a life-to-life training or life attitude. There’s what’s called neo-tantra, which is what I’ve been trained in. Margot and others came back from India in the sixties and seventies, and we’re like, “Hey, we’re going to make this about, oh, and a little bioenergetics. We’re going to throw in some psychology. We’re going to do this thing that’s going to help people have better relationships and better sex. We’re going to call it tantra.” It’s not; maybe a better word would be to use sexual awareness or sexual consciousness. It’s more about what that’s about, and the principles, at least in the lineage of the skydancing tantra lineage that I’m in, are movement: learning to move your body. Breath: Use your breath to cultivate a higher state of arousal and make sounds as well. That’s some of the foundation. I guess I would add to that intention and attention. So you’re having greater awareness of what your body experiences, where you want to go, and what your intention is.

Betsy Greenleaf, DO, FACOOG (Distinguished)

How have you been able to incorporate this into your teaching in the programs that you’re doing with men?

Jim Benson

Well, the focus is on men; there’s a lot of unlearning to do with guys. in many ways for women to make a gross generalization. But it might be easier for feminine body beings to surrender and let go, and we think of women as the ones who can have multiple orgasms. But that’s not true. It’s probably, generally speaking, tending in that direction. Male-bodied humans are more focused on goal orientation, strategies, and things along those lines. Those are often the opposite of what needs to happen for a man to have multiple ejaculatory orgasms, which is one of the big things that I teach.

Betsy Greenleaf, DO, FACOOG (Distinguished)

That’s an idea that I just love because we don’t typically think of men having multiple orgasms; you tend to attribute that mostly to women. So even going back, and I know this is a little antiquated if you think about the Masters in Johnson Science, they have this graph; it’s pretty linear in that you start with excitement and you get this plateau, and there’s an orgasm. Then things are done. So, at the time, that was great because at least it was an understanding of sexual function that we didn’t have before that. But we’ve kind of gotten stuck in that model for both men and women for too long. I wanted you to explain a little bit more about, like, multiple orgasms for men and how that’s possible.

Jim Benson

Some teachings are, you could say, some of the Daoist teachings. There are these things that you have to do as you approach orgasm to keep from ejaculating. They involve creating more tension in your body. You might have to squeeze your fists, gnash your teeth, roll your eyes heavenward, or act like you’re doing these things to keep from ejaculating. In my experience, it’s just creating more tension, which can often cause an ejaculation more quickly. Everybody has a strategy. “I’m going to use three condoms. I’m going to have a couple of drinks beforehand. I’m going to think of baseball statistics when I get close to ejaculating.” It’s like everybody’s got some kind of strategy that they’re going to use to keep from ejaculating, or I’m going to edge; I’m just going to edge. So the practices that I teach are less about creating more tension and trying to not ejaculate. Instead, it’s more about allowing a free flow of energy to move up your body, which you can now have. If your body is trapping energy in your pelvis, there’s only one place for it to come out, and that’s an ejaculation. But if you can allow the energy—we’re calling this thing called energy—to move up your body through your central channel, which, as a doctor, I work with, there is no central channel, and, well, at some level, there is. But anatomically, you’re right. There is no central channel, but there is. So that’s what you let the energy move up so it can now go up to your throat, or it can come off the top of your head, or you’re now allowing something to move through you. Wilhelm Reich talked about orgone or the flow of orgasmic energy. That’s what you’re allowing to move through your body in an uninhibited way. That’s close to his definition of an orgasm. That’s what I’m all about, and that’s what I’m encouraging guys to learn. There’s a step-by-step method to get there.

Betsy Greenleaf, DO, FACOOG (Distinguished)

Do you find that there’s a lot of unteaching that you have to do when it comes to men in general, and what’s the most common unteaching that you have to do?

Jim Benson

Yes. If you think about how I talked a little bit just a moment ago about that, there’s the strategic mind that men have. There is a sense of goal orientation, which for most guys is like, I’m going to ejaculate. That’s my goal. The unlearning of that is challenging because, if you think about the whole biological force behind it, I’m making sure I’m continuing the race on this planet. That’s a powerful force. Even with fast ejaculation, those are the genes that probably got passed on throughout history because, when fast ejaculation wins, the ones who get exactly the fastest are the ones who pass their genes on. We’ve got a history of fast ejaculation as a race. There is a species. There’s unlearning about the goal of ejaculation. There’s unlearning about having a strategy to make that happen. There’s an unlearning of control and being in charge. That’s if we’re talking about getting to a place where you truly experience non-ejaculatory orgasmic states. There’s something called surrender that most men aren’t interested in doing, and you could talk about surrender with more feminine-bodied people, and they’d be like, “Oh yes, I love it.” There’s something about letting go that’s more aligned with the feminine sensibility. It’s not for men. It’s like, “I’m going to wave the white flag of surrender. That means I’ve lost.” No, you’re just surrendering your sense of control and trying to direct things. Now you can let something bigger than you move through you. If you’ve ever had multiple orgasms where you’re like, “Wow, something is just like taking me over,” That’s the thing that a lot of men are afraid of. That’s the key to them getting to that point of being able to have multiple non-ejaculatory orgasms.

Betsy Greenleaf, DO, FACOOG (Distinguished)

It’s kind of like what I’m thinking of from my medical brain because I tend to get into that and go back to that energy, that central energy. I’m like, they’re starting to figure out that maybe the vagus nerve may be the closest anatomically to what we can say is that central energy. But I believe in all the other stuff, too, because I think sometimes there’s just stuff we can’t describe or figure out atomically or medically. But I always go back to this: We can’t have stress or sex. They can’t both exist simultaneously. And so I’m wondering: Is there a like for men? Is there a level of stress that we’re seeing? Is that what’s stopping them from maybe performing as well or enjoying themselves as well in the bedroom?

Jim Benson

I’m so glad you said that. When I’m going to meet men who are applying to work with me, I’m always asking, What’s your stress level? Tell me more about that. Because if guys are like, I’m at a nine or I’m at a seven and I’m stressed out, that’s going to affect your sex life because, as you said, if you’re in sympathetic nervous system response for most of your waking life, it’s going to be hard to switch over to parasympathetic and be like, “Okay, rest and digest. We’re just chilling here.” That’s it. How do you get there? “Oh, have a few drinks, and, like, I’m going to it.” It’s difficult for guys who are stressed all the time. What I’m encouraging are lifestyle changes. That’s a lot of what this is about. What are you doing to experience pleasure daily? How are you taking care of yourself? What are you doing to be in more of a parasympathetic mode? Are you meditating? Are you doing any kind of yoga? Are you doing breathing exercises? Working out is kind of a baseline for guys because that feels like, “Okay, at least I can get some points for the working out part because my body’s going to improve or I’m going to feel stronger.” So I’m checking that box. But doing some of these other things is a little challenging for guys. I’m glad you brought that up. Stress is the opposite of what most guys need to cultivate in themselves to get to these states.

Betsy Greenleaf, DO, FACOOG (Distinguished)

I’m starting to see this theme, and it’s kind of showing up on TV commercials all the time: this idea of low T, and so many guys are blaming this. struggles with sex. It must be my low testosterone, but I don’t think it’s all just a hormone thing. I wanted to ask you what your opinion is on why we’re seeing men struggling, especially as they’re aging.

Jim Benson

Testosterone does have a lot to do with it. I used to be like Mr. Pure, like, “Okay, I don’t want you taking any. I didn’t do it quite like that, but let’s not take any—Viagra, Cialis—let’s not ejaculate for a while. Let’s not do any hormone replacement therapy. Let’s just go with where you’re at.” Now I’m like, let’s talk about what’s available for us. So I’m much more open to what would bring guys the kinds of bodily responses that they need to have successful, pleasurable sex; that’s what I’m more focused on. If somebody is in that range, we’ll just use the testosterone, not just free testosterone; we’ll just say, like, in the 250 to 400 or 500 range, or something like that, that’s not technically low. Most of your PCP is what your physicians will say—you don’t need any testosterone. I’m like, “Why don’t we try it? Let me try it.” Can you find a different doctor who might bump you up to 800 or 900 just as an experiment to see what that would be like for yourself? I’m doing a lot of experiments on myself with these kinds of things. That’s why I’ve shifted over from being like, Mr. Purity is only going to do this the natural way to, “What’s natural? What are we doing naturally? What’s available to us?” That guy should be exploring, doing herbs, trying different things, and seeing what’s going to work for them, rather than just one size fits all. No, if you’re not above this certain number, you should not be getting extra testosterone.

Betsy Greenleaf, DO, FACOOG (Distinguished)

I like that. Thank you for taking the time to explain that. I’m kind of interested in knowing a little bit more, and I hope I don’t open old wounds. But going back to your history, which kind of got you on this path, and this fiancee that left, what do you think was the biggest lesson that you took from that that has now helped you with your business nowadays and in helping other men?

Jim Benson

There are probably multiple lessons there for me. I was very much into strategy and trying to find ways to give her orgasms. It was something I was very focused on. Well, if I can make her come multiple times, that’s it. That’s what I need to do. It became very focused on paying attention to her and making sure she had the pleasure. I had completely abandoned myself, I guess you could say. I didn’t know how to conduct orgasmic energy in my own body in any way. So if it’s all about her and you’re not present, well, how can you have a truly connected, mutually satisfying sexual relationship? How does that happen? If it’s all about her and her and her and her and who’s here to have sex in this body over here, I would say that that would probably be one of the biggest lessons that I learned. It’s a lifelong lesson because if you’ve been focused on that for such a chunk of time and you think that’s how it needs to be, I still find myself falling back into that. “Oh, I’ve got to please her.” I’m like, “Well, no, my needs are important, too.” Let’s focus on myself. Now, some guys might be overly leaning toward the narcissistic side of things. You might be like, It’s all about my needs. That’s another issue. But for me, it was more that I was going to be the pleaser. I’m going to make her happy. That’s how I’m going to secure love, and this relationship doesn’t work. Just so, it might work for a little while, but in the long run, it is now working.

Betsy Greenleaf, DO, FACOOG (Distinguished)

Oh, so there’s so that brings up. There’s like it seems like two themes are going on here too, that there’s this where we kind of missed the boat. Is that too much focus on either the partner or the self while also trying to race to the finish line? One of the things that are sometimes even harder to do other than just sex is: how do you encourage men to talk to their partners or even have that conversation with themselves so that they can grow and develop better sexual practices?

Jim Benson

When can you say a little more about this race to the finish line? Do you mean it as a habit that that’s the time? For guys.

Betsy Greenleaf, DO, FACOOG (Distinguished)

Down.

Jim Benson

To do that because some guys think that’s a way of relieving sexual anxiety, it’s like I’m going to get to the finish line. “Wow, we did it.” We can check the box, and that’s all right. But that’s having a conversation with your partner if they’re open to it. Again, we all have different cultures. Like you said, there’s so little sexual education—the right kind of sexual education—that’s happening in our culture. It’s way too brief on sex and relationships. We just say that having a relationship like that would also be a great thing to learn in school. Many years of that training. sex and relationship training. If you have a partner who’s someone you can communicate with and who you feel safe with, that’s the key—that you feel safe enough to talk about these things with. Now you can have a conversation like, Well, what I like to do is go longer to be with you. I would like to not rush to the finish line, but I feel like I have to because X-Y-Z and your partner are like, “Oh, well, that’s not as important for me. I would. For me, it’s more about connection, like being with you while we’re making love.” And the guy’s like, “Are you telling the truth? You don’t want me to stay hard for hours?” She’s like, “Well, I get kind of sore.” You’re having a conversation. If you can do that, that’s fantastic because now you can both look at how we can make our goals come true. How can we bring them to fruition?

Betsy Greenleaf, DO, FACOOG (Distinguished)

I like that because it makes me start thinking about it. I’ve been married for 20 years now, and I’m like, going. Our conversations have changed over time because, before kids, we didn’t have any other things going on. It was like, Let’s see how long we can go. Now it’s like, all right, we have kids, we have jobs, and we have to. I’m trying to find the time to even have sex. There’s still sometimes that old script like, All right, let’s go forever. I’m like, No, I don’t want to do that forever. Let’s do this and get it done. Let’s get it done. It’s a chore. There are times when it’s all right, you can’t; you just can’t do that forever.

Jim Benson

However, I would just ask you: if you’re on vacation, the kids are gone, and you’re in a nice hotel somewhere, and you have four or five days or a week together, are you able to get back to that place? Now we can expand and do this as long as we want. Is that right, or did you loop that somewhere along the line?

Betsy Greenleaf, DO, FACOOG (Distinguished)

When you’ve been with somebody for 20 years, you go through ebbs and flows where sometimes you get it and you’re like, “Oh, wait, this is great.” It’s back to the way it was when we first met. There are some times when it’s like, “Wow, this is work.” You start questioning, like, “Why does this work?” You kind of almost get into this mindset, like, because it’s work, this is our problem. One of the things I’ve learned over the years is that, no, it’s always learning. It’s not like, okay, you do it one way, one time. That’s the way you do it for the rest of your life. It’s always going to work out a certain way. It’s been, and that’s been surprising to me because I just thought the same thing years ago, like you figured it out, and that was it. That just worked. That way for the rest of your life.

Jim Benson

To go from feeling like, “Oh, I ejaculate too early. Wow, I can’t ejaculate at all.” to feeling like, “Oh, I can only ejaculate if I’m connected to my partner and just like move over. And then, oh, I kind of lost that ability to have multiple ejaculations. Oh my God or any people on the planet having the experiences that I’m having. This is incredible.” It’s just all for me. I just mean those waves that you’re talking about; they’ve been huge for me. That’s so true and wise to say. Things change over time, and women go through menopause. Men go through challenges as they age. Your stress levels change. There are so many factors; everything changes when you have kids, as you know.

Betsy Greenleaf, DO, FACOOG (Distinguished)

Kids are probably one of the biggest causes of sexual dysfunction.

Jim Benson

I agree. 

Betsy Greenleaf, DO, FACOOG (Distinguished)

Get rid of the kids. No, just kidding. I was thinking about it because I hear it so much from the women’s side and I’ve experienced it myself. I went through a time with my husband when, any time he reached out for any kind of intimacy, my mind would automatically go, “Oh no, he wants to have sex.” So I would pull away and not make myself emotionally or physically available because I was like, I don’t want to have sex because either I was too busy or hurt or something like that. Over time, he stopped reaching out. It was funny because that was a theme I started hearing from a lot of my patients too, that they were afraid that if their husbands or male partners even just put a hand on their back, they would get defensive and cringing. After all, they’re like, “Oh no, that means he wants to have sex.” Where a hand on the back doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll have sex. So I’ve seen it dealt with from a female standpoint. How would you kind of counsel men if they’re in that kind of situation? Because that can come across as a rejection to them.

Jim Benson

Oh, you think? Yes, it does. I’m so glad you brought this up. I appreciate your vulnerability and speaking about your own life. Thank you so much. I’ve experienced exactly what you’re talking about. What I would say for the guys is to find a way to talk about this so that you can say, Hey, you know what I’d like right now? It’s a practice. You kind of think it’s a lab. You’re entering a laboratory in a way, like right now, where I’d like us to lie close to each other, hold each other, and do some breathing. I don’t want to have sex right now. Even if you do, guys, even if you do want to have sex, you’re not going to have it right now. But you’re going to do it; you’re going to be close. You’re going to breathe, and you’re going to look into each other’s eyes. You might kiss a little bit or something like that. For me, it was a big thing when I wanted a woman to hold my cock. And the woman would say, “I’m touching his cock. That means he wants sex.” It’s the same kind of thing you’re talking about. So I’d have to say specifically that what I would like you to do is hold my cock right now. I’m not feeling super sexual, but it would feel so good to me if you were just holding my cock and we could breathe or just even kiss a little bit. That would be so powerful for me to just do that. For some guys, they’d be like, Well, if she’s doing that, I want to go all the way with it. I’m saying, How about learning a new way to be? Rather, I’m going to go back to my old way of being. If she does that and she leaves, you need to masturbate to ejaculate because it’s like, I don’t want blue balls in there, so fine, go ahead and do that. But while you’re with her, take the pressure off of anything that needs to happen and create a new groove in your relationship. That is, we’re going to be close. There might be some touching. It may even look like sexual touching, but it’s not. We’re not headed in a sexual direction.

Betsy Greenleaf, DO, FACOOG (Distinguished)

I like that because it takes the pressure off. I do hear from women a lot that they get so defensive to the point where now they’re just concerned about their relationship because they’re not having sex because they just don’t know how to relax, and they complain like I do, especially when Viagra came on the market. That became like a whole new level because, like, it was funny; the men were all happy that they had the Viagra and the women were coming complaining. They’re like, “Oh my God, now I feel like all he wants is sex. I’m like, There’s a wait.” Like, we need to take off the sex from the menu and everybody just relax, and I found that once we were my female patients, we were able to get them to kind of relax and that not all touch naturally has to lead to intercourse. They started reporting improvements in their sex lives because they were able to not be defensive and have that level of stress, and they were able to relax. They ended up having sex, enjoying it, and going, “Why don’t we do this more often?”

Jim Benson

I don’t know if I agree with that, because our desire levels can always change based on the quality of the sex we’re having. You might have low desire because you’re like, I’m low-desire for that kind of sex. But what you’re saying makes so much sense. I occasionally counsel men or couples if I’m working with couples to take sex off the menu or to have only the woman or the low-desire partner be the initiator and say, until she says, I want to be sexual, you are sexual with yourself. You’re doing your multi-orgasmic practices. You’re in your world over here. If she wants to come join you and be like, “Oh, what is it that you’re doing over there with the breathing, the channeling, and the energy?” and you’re like, “Well, you can join if you like, so I’m my cake. You’re the icing. But you know the cake. I’m the cake. The cake is delicious.”

Betsy Greenleaf, DO, FACOOG (Distinguished)

I like that analogy. That is great. The other thing I was bringing up is the stress of initiating, which can be incredibly stressful on either partner because there is sometimes that mental fear in the background, if I initiate, what happens if they say no? What has been your advice on counseling people on how to handle that or how to maybe properly initiate it?

Jim Benson

I’m a fan of the direct method rather than the one I initiate when I massage her shoulders. I just hope that that turns into sex. That’s the kind of thing you’re talking about about what women are like. She’s touching me. What does that mean? Now you were caught in that model. What if instead of guys learning to be okay with whatever response the woman comes up with, and if your history is that when you were a teenager, you were rejected over and over again in your requests for intimacy? However you do them or just go out on dates with women, you’re going to be sensitive to rejection. How do we build that muscle? It’s just repetition and being more okay with yes or no, whatever it is. You can negotiate. She’s like, No, well, can we do a raincheck? When can we talk again? In two days, or whatever it is, why don’t you let me know? It’s more of a conversation than there’s so much you know behind this—so much pressure, so much lies on it. Everything is riding on her answer to this. That’s from the men’s perspective. But one of the benefits of shifting it to the woman initiates is that the woman can see how vulnerable it is to ask for being sexual, going like, “Whoa, do you have to do this all the time?” It’s a great empathic experience for women to get into men’s world and see how often they’ve had to ask for sex. That’s one of the reasons I do it: to encourage women to take some of that vulnerability. On the one being the initiator.

Betsy Greenleaf, DO, FACOOG (Distinguished)

I have to agree with that because I’ve been in that situation too, where I’ve tried to initiate, but I’ve done the like roundabout, and I’m like, and the other person’s not figuring out what I’m saying. You’re just like, All right, this is hard. But to come out right and just say, okay. I realized over the years that no may mean not right now, not like no forever. Maybe they’re not feeling well; maybe they’re stressed out. Maybe there’s something gastrointestinal going on. Maybe dinner didn’t sit right there. But that no doesn’t always mean no forever. Like this big rubber stamp of rejection.

Jim Benson

But in the mind of the person who’s making the request, it can be that big. That’s why they don’t ask directly in the first place.

Betsy Greenleaf, DO, FACOOG (Distinguished)

Now, I just know I could, like I said, tackle this topic, and in talking with you, I could go for hours. But in just wrapping up, is there anything I didn’t ask about that you think is important for us to know?

Jim Benson

I just noticed that one of the biggest issues that I come across most often, I would say, is performance anxiety for men. I guess I have issues with terms like that. We’re calling it a performance, which already puts it in some category where it’s not about connection, intimacy, or love. What if you were able to shift from this mindset of, I’m over here on this separate individual, and I have to do all these things to show up a certain way to make her happy? Like, I’m just this male. This is the male’s perspective. So often we get in our heads, and again, I spend so much of my time helping men not be in their heads and enter more of theirs. The animal bodies themselves. Yeah. What are your ways to do that? If you are in a state where you need to perform, what can you do to bring yourself into a more somatic and connected place? By somatic, I mean that I want to feel in my senses a sensual body rather than everything above my neck.

Betsy Greenleaf, DO, FACOOG (Distinguished)

Yes.

Jim Benson

Many men would benefit if they had strategies to do that, for instance. Here’s one. You could just start touching your partner in a way where your attention is on the contact and you’re not just doing it to make them feel good. You’re feeling the goodness of the sensation on your hand, your forearm, or whatever. You’re touching them. How can I increase the pleasure while I’m doing that? Now your attention is all about pleasant contact. You’re using your mind in a good way. You’re directing it towards this body-centered experience rather than, “Oh, God, what if we’re up in here spinning around the strategizing, calling forth from the past the bad images, worried about what the future might remember?” You’re not here anymore. This simple act of getting into the sensual body with your partner will go a long way toward making you feel less pressure and less performance anxiety.

Betsy Greenleaf, DO, FACOOG (Distinguished)

I love that. I was thinking about where they say that the brain can only focus on one thing at a time. and you brought up earlier that you incorporate sound not only with touch but also with sound. So I’ve heard that, if you’re a very visual person, maybe you want to, depending on whether you want to focus on other senses or touch. Well, you’re only going to focus on the touch. Or maybe if you need to distract yourself, like focus on some hearing, sound, or smell, or if we can only focus on one sensation at a time,

Jim Benson

Yes, that’s a whole other discussion. I’m not sure if we have time to go through it. That’s his world. Making sounds increases pleasure in your body. When you make sound, you’re opening yourself up to more pleasure. It could also create more pleasure for your partner. We’re heading into a whole realm of dirty talk and other things that we could go down and discuss. But being able to make sound is awesome. and a lot of guys are inhibited in that because, just think about it: if you were raised on porn, you don’t hear the guy, the headless guy who’s having sex. You sound right. It’s all about the woman’s orgasm. We get a lot of input from what we think sex should look like as opposed to what we’re experiencing inside our bodies. That’s why I keep going back to the somatic for everybody, whether your channel is auditory, visual, or kinesthetic.

Betsy Greenleaf, DO, FACOOG (Distinguished)

I like that. This has been amazing talking to you. Where can people find out more information about you?

Jim Benson

My website is awakenedmasculine.com, and that’s where I have my online Multi Orgasmic Lover program. You can also apply to work with me if you want one-on-one coaching.

Betsy Greenleaf, DO, FACOOG (Distinguished)

That is amazing. I’m going to encourage everybody to go check that out because I’ve looked at his website, and it’s impressive because you’ve got, like, articles and things on there. It’s a good website. Thank you once again, Jim, for taking the time to speak with us today. I appreciate it.

Jim Benson

Betsy, it’s been a pleasure. You’ve been an awesome interviewer and a delight for me to be here today.

Betsy Greenleaf, DO, FACOOG (Distinguished)

Awesome. I just want to remind everybody to stick around because we have more amazing sessions coming up.