Spoil Your Baby Ep 35 – A Successful Daycare Transition Story

Returning to Work and Daycare Planning 0:00

and she can spend as much time there as I want. So if I wanna drop her off for 15 minutes and then pick her up, that's fine. Beautiful. And that where we're at. We're doing that very slow transition. It's actually much faster than I had anticipated, which I like the very first day I dropped her of where she was gonna be in the room alone. I dropped her off. She has her immediate, had her favorite staff member there, went into her arms and I was like, I'll just wait outside. You tell me when she cries.

I don't want her to cry because I want to have a positive association with this place. So immediately come get me. Literally sitting in her little cubby outside And an hour later, I was like peeking in the windows and she's just playing and having the time of her life. And she was doing so well. Yeah. Um, and I still haven't left the premises even when she has been here for four hours. Yay! Welcome back, Kelly, to Spoil Your Baby. Thank you so much for being so generous with sharing your experience with your baby.

It's gonna resonate with so many people. And I was thinking before this, I'm like, sending the wishes to the universe for you to have many babies and just continue to come on the show and help us you know, help the world with their babies, like through your experience. With the transition. Yeah. So important. That will be my goal is to have babies just for podcast episodes. Forever. Oh, I love it. So today, we're gonna talk about what I'm thinking of calling this episode, you know, a successful story in transitioning to daycare.

Our successful day care story, right? So let's start at the beginning. Tell us where you're at in your parenting journey and what is coming up around day-care right now. Yeah. Currently, sitting in a room at Noah's daycare because she is in the process of transitioning to it and it's going really, really well. Um, to, maybe I'll go, where do you want me to start? Like where I'm at right now? What about we go like a couple of months ago where you were, you knew we were going back, your work coming back to work was coming up.

Yeah. The whole question and you're, had a lot of stuff going on. So, yeah, I am going back to work in November, and that's like a must. I'm definitely going. That was kind of one of the, you know, have a bunch of levers, all the things you can pull, the decisions you make. And then there's things that you just can't change and they're just kind like rocks in the road that have to maneuver. So that for me was one them, was that I had to go back. Yeah, And I want to say something about that too for people as well, because I think Everyone feels.

that anxiety, right, with that date looming wherever it is in, you know, the timeline. And that's that, that kind of feeling we want to like help people with today, it's so scary. It is a non-negotiable, It's there, and we do have to be okay with it. A hundred percent. I mean, a throwback to the previous episode that we did together, which was, had this thought in my head before I had my baby that I was gonna be the person at like three months who's like I'm ready to go back to work because I am such a career person like the baby's gonna to be fine we'll put her on like she'll

Choosing a Flexible Daycare Transition 3:43

go to daycare or whatever like it was it, was whatever but I know I want to get back work yeah cut to I never want to work. I just wanna be with her. We were like trying to negotiate staying home longer, seeing if it was possible, looking into all possibilities. And for some people, actually, when they do look into that, it is possible. Some people do make major or minor life changes and they end up doing that. But for you, the decision was it's gonna happen. Yeah, and I'm sure if we... made a lot of decisions.

There is a world in which not going back to work is possible. It just wasn't within like our realm of reality with our lives. And I think that's true for many, many people. Yes. Um, and so I knew at 12 months, I was going to go back to work. She's currently 10, just over 10 months. Then the, you know, the thought process was, do I start transitioning her to daycare at like a little bit earlier? Do I wait and spend every waking moment with her until 12 month and then have like, a hard start to the day care?

Um, The other non-negotiable, once I got into a daycare, which I think we should talk about like what I looked for in a daytime care because I feel, and also with friends with babies in similar ages who are having very difficult times, I felt so lucky with the day care that I'm going to do. Those exams, right? Yeah, yeah, totally. And the questions and the things to look for. I see even now working, being there, it's like, oh, um, lucked out, but there's a million more things I would have asked.

for the next round. But one of the things that they're not flexible on, because it's such a sought after daycare, is your start date is you're start day. Even though you are paying, and luckily in Canada, or maybe it is Ontario, it subsidized, they know that spot can go to another family. So if you aren't going to use your spot, you lose it and you loose it for that year. Again, I was thinking, how should my transition happen? It kind of happened for me that I had to start for in September, even though I's going back in November.

Yeah, didn't know what that looked like. But then I obviously, a million phone calls later with you, it kind was the best option for us and that we wanted to do a very slow transition. The daycare is very flexible that i could spend as much time in the room with her as I want. And she can spend it as time there as i want if i wanna drop her off for 15 minutes and then pick her up. That's fine. Beautiful. And that's where we're at. We're doing that very slow transition. It's actually much faster than I had anticipated, which I like, the very first day I dropped her off and I said, I'm just going to...

Or the first that I drop her offer, she was going be in the room alone. I've dropped off. She has her immediate, had her favorite staff member there, went into her arms and was like I'll just wait outside. You tell me when she cries. But I don't want her to cry because I want to have a positive association with this place. So immediately come get me. Literally sitting in her little cubby outside, And an hour later, I was, like, peeking in the windows, and she's just playing and having the time of her life.

And she was doing so well. Yeah. Um, And I still haven't left the premises, even when she has been here for four hours. I just kind of hover around like a crazy person. It's also nice. No. Not a crazy person. Okay. I have a mother who loves her baby. You're in a community center, so it's not like you're uncomfortable, right? You are able to set yourself up. There's food, there's things like... I work, I do my other, like, some other works. And I my work. Podcast with you, go to the gym. So, yes, do like entertain myself while I'm here, but I just, she, we talked about this, Noah's ready to spend more time there, because she's thriving.

I'm not ready to leave the campus just yet. And it will come, it has to, but I want to be close just in case. It's a transition for both of you. Yeah, totally. Right? And some parents, they don't have that community center set up. They are at a coffee shop nearby or some other kind of setting. Sitting in the car. So let's go back a little bit. What were What were some of your fears about it? And what and how did you kind of address those by asking questions of the daycare? Yes. So, it was questions about the care, but also questions to my trusted community, aka you.

Um, so my fears were she would be sitting alone crying and there wouldn't be enough hands to hold her. I'm very hands-on and... I know last time I called it the Greer's method. I'm very Greers method where I am very hyper-focused on her needs and I go to those needs immediately when she needs them. And that's not just, yeah, I'll leave it at that. So they do things differently there. My worry was what if how they'd do it is completely undoing all the work that I've done to make her super nurtured and super loved.

That's a really common thing I hear a lot of moms say. They're worried about that Very worried. I was very worried about her food because she is still predominantly breastfed, but she's transitioning, obviously, to eating more and more.

Building Trust With Caregivers 9:13

And I've been hyper focused on the nutrition that I'm giving her. That's not, you know, how are they going to feed her? I transitioning to a bottle. So she's been just, she has never taken a how do I and now, you know, 10, 11 months into it, my milk is so regulated, I can't even pump there's no like excess to pump for her. So that was a huge concern. Yeah. And then not like she only napped on me in sleep. My even my husband like he's part of the nighttime routine. But I'm the only one that has ever put her to sleep.

So... And that's really common. That's summer. And I love it. It works for us. Like, I loved that I am able to do that for her. I think I go back and forth with like, well, it would be nice if someone, you know... It will come, It'll come. But so I like to summarize it, over the theme was doing things differently than how I'm doing it. And is that going to disrupt her brain health? And for her, that is so different. Everything is new, right? Totally. Um, and I think you hear a lot of the commentary from, you know, my circle is she gets to socialize.

I don't think that matters for here. She just needs to be like loved and well, she get stimulation, but they're babies, they are stimulated by literally anything. Like I can put her at the window and she just stare at her 20 minutes. Actually, Josh, my brother, was coming over the other day and I just propped her in front of the window and she just stared at the trees and the birds and squirrels for 15 minutes until he drove up. And that killed 15. Like, so there's, I, just, there was all the comments of this is why daycare is going to be fine.

So then I was just like, ah, like am I making a huge mistake? Like do I need to just move to like a farm where I can keep her home all day? And I we did talk about, what can we change so that I can keep her home? And it was almost a very serious conversation, but then you kind of get smacked with reality and you're like, okay, no. Why don't we try it? Why do we not try? Yeah. And that's where we got to. But those were like my fears and those are some of the things I was considering when I looking for daycares.

Yeah, and I think feeling it out, you know, because not everyone's going to end up with that decision either, right? many people will, like, you know, many, the majority, I would say, probably in my practice, but some people, end up with the farm or they end with drastic changes to their life and they have their baby home for longer. But this is your gut, following your guts, right? It's following my gut. and we'll get into even more changes that I've made along the way. But every step of the has been listening to my gut, which I was gonna say, I think one of really difficult things, again, this might be a local thing, but I imagine it's broader.

It's incredibly hard to get in to daycare. The wait lists are insane. So I making day care decisions when she was three weeks old and getting on a waitlist at three-weeks-old and then making decisions of putting a deposit down, I think, when she was, like, two months. So to make a decision when you know that the person that they are and your connection with them and... your expectation, especially on the first one, maybe it will be different on second, it's just, -"I have no idea. I'm still learning this person." -"Of course.

You're still a baby mom. Like, your two-month- old mother." Yeah, how do I know what the right decisions are? And hopefully this conversation helps people who are there to think through some of those checkboxes. But I know I didn't get those checkboxes from my circle because, and to each their own, but their checklist ended up being very different than my checklist. And that's hard. Yeah, probably more cognitive things than emotional relationship. What were your big things that you wanted to know from the daycare?

What kind of... helped you feel more comfortable with this place. Knowing that the transition could be completely flexible, that was actually incredible. I saw that a lot in Los Angeles. Some of the places I was looking at were beautiful that way. That's sort of where I learned how it could done. And then that ranges to no, like nothing, none of it. Right? And for me, my biggest recommendation with parents helping them ease into this is always, let's do everything we possibly can to form a relationship, a trusted, loving relationship between your baby and at least one person at the daycare.

Right. So I will usually say, My biggest recommendations is try to find a daycare setup or a child care setup. That's the lowest ratio you can afford. And so if you could afford a nanny, that's really great. One-on-one or nannyshare, a two- on- one. Um, and then a Daycare, Daycares in Canada have very low ratios too. I think for the baby, it's one to three or one, to two, something like that. Yeah. Like, there's always one baby missing from the club. Like everyone, someone's staying home every day.

Someone has a cold, yeah, exactly. Um, and then that increases over time. So, like, be comfortable with the ratio and, then, make sure there is that... Like there, is like this, or you have to create, I was gonna say, if there isn't the space for the relationship to grow between the baby and at least one person who's there. You can do everything you can to make that space to grow that relationship. And so what does that look like? So it can look different things. Um, sometimes if a day care will not provide, will allow a parent to spend time there and like have a relation, you know, bridge the relationship a little bit.

So that basically looks like the mom or dad with the caregiver and the baby around showing the Oh, this person, you know, like, I like this people, they're nice, and I trust them. Because babies are socially referencing. They're always looking between, looking at you with another person and judging your nervous system state. And they are like oh, mom's calm around this, Mom's laughing with this. Mom is interested in this and maybe she's smiling with them or touching them and okay I can trust this because mom trusts this so that's like social referencing So that's why I like parents to spend, be able to spent some time together before the child's left alone, because when they are left along, they have to have a relationship with that person to say, oh, when I have my stress, that is my person who helps me.

When I'm tired, it's the person that helps. And when hungry, I am delighted and excited and curious that they're gonna share that delight with me, right? That is what babies are looking for. So... I do like a daycare or a nanny setup where the three can spend time, any amount of time like together to sort of transfer. Gordon Neufeld talks about like transferring the attachment. So when you drop off, it's like the attachement between you and your baby becomes the attachments between that care and the baby, right?

Like I saw that today when I dropped her off. There's one lady that she just is so comfortable with and I took your recommendation the beginning of the first few times that I went with with Noah, I would give her a hug and smile and we love, you know, we loved them and like her, so I take your advice on that and today I was holding Noah and i was anticipating, her holding onto my shirt or didn't want to move but she willingly went and while the staff was pulling her I gave her kiss on the cheek and and they walked

Sleep, Bottles, and Daycare Adjustments 17:28

away and she just smiled at me and went. And I like hearing you say like that transfer, I felt like physically when I. handed her to her, that was her cozy spot. She was like in another person's bubble of love, right? Another oxytocin bubble with another other person. And that's when it is successful. Not that babies won't get upset with the separation. Sometimes they will, but that person, because they have a relationship, is able to be their buffer for that stress and help them come back and then get ready to play quite quickly and be feeling just okay again, quite quick.

So if they don't allow it, then sometimes, um, daycare workers will babysit just any way they'll babysat. Like, you can ask them if any of them do babysitting. So, like, if you could go out for dinner with your husband and they will baby-sit, that's very common in my experience. can I, can you babysit in air quotes for us a couple times before my child starts and then you like the three of you go to the park together and spend time or you invite them into your home and you spend times together. And then that's another way of like transferring the attachment.

Again, like letting that social referencing happen with you and your baby and the person, right? One of the big things that I've noticed, again, like very small sample size, but Noah's transition has been very, very smooth. And I think there's perhaps two things comfortable or even understand how to build that relationship with someone else, when like, I'm the only one that has better I mean, the one who has put her to sleep, and the other one, you know, all those things, is that one she is little, like I think her being a bit younger has helped and even the daycare staff was saying the little the smaller they are, they see them freak out.

So there's kind of two sides of that because it's also, I think, healthier to keep them home longer. But yeah, but also from day one, we were very Like from the day we brought Noah home, we were very, um, cognizant to allow all of our safe people to hold and love her and enjoy her, and show her that it's not just the two of us that can embrace her. And I know there's a lot, I see a law online of, ways to protect your baby from anyone else holding her And there is times for that, when you're, you know, there are times where I'll just put her in the carrier, because I'm like I just don't feel comfortable with this crowd holding here.

But I did make a really conscious effort that our big thing, there's like 37 immediate family, because we have such a large family. But everyone can just like love and enjoy her. And I think that her feeling comfortable in other people's arms made this transition a lot easier. Yeah. There's a difference between passing a baby around at a party, where I know you don't, you haven't wanted to do that, and a different between like at the family dinner, her spending a special moment with everybody. or moments with everybody, right?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Absolutely. With your trust, like you have to trust those people too. There's people that I just, I don't. you know, everyone has people that they don't trust. Yeah, so knowing that. A piece of life. Other people love them, other people can take care of them to an extent, and all of that is really, really important too. And the developmental phase is important as well, right? Sometimes there are peaks in separation anxiety and there different developmental times that make it harder to transition.

So that's there. Sometimes between eight and 10 months is hard, you know, 10 months, the end of that. And temperament is huge too. Temperament very, very... She's very chill. Yeah, she is very chilled. I mean, your nurture adds to that, but she's also, that's born. She was born that way as well, which is really great. So, okay, so you did a few days with her in with you there. The other thing to say about that relationship with the special caregiver or caregivers is that a big question you want to ask the daycare is, the consistency of care, something that they often don't get and absolutely do need to know for zero to three is that relationship is the anchor for the baby.

It's everything for them. So if they have a rotating staff, if their schedule is like, each person's there one day a week, or they're there two, one week and not the next week. Or if there they are, you know, whatever, not tending to mostly be there, then that can be an issue too. That's confusing. Right? That was another thing when I was looking, because originally I like you're looking at all the different options. This one happens to be full time, but you could make the schedule whatever you want.

Yeah. But a lot of them were, some of the were half days every day or Monday, Wednesday, Fridays. And I felt that A baby doesn't know, like, yesterday from the day before. So to me, a Monday, Wednesday, Friday isn't a consistent schedule. It's for us as adults, we understand it. But for the baby, every morning, they're waking up and they are like where am I going? And I think that consistency was important to know that if I wanted to make it every day for an hour, even if it was just an hours, I could have that every single morning.

We wake up, have breakfast, and we head to daycare. Because it's not something new. I that to be was another big question. And then the other big questions for me and they have done a fantastic job is not time. Yeah, let's talk about the sleep part. Because sleep, I think, is the biggest fear. I had a lot of tears about that. Like, when I turned two years old at daycare, and I was flipping out, again, breastfed to sleep every nap, every night, ever night waking, with a couple exceptions of my husband taking over.

for if I went out for dinner or something. And so I was like, he's not gonna sleep here. Like, you've never slept on a cot. He's never not breastfed to sleep. They were so good with me. Because again, like you can't coach yourself. Um, they were like we will keep you texting you all day. You will hear every update. Yeah. and he will sleep, I'm like okay. I'll be... Ten minutes away, like, of course, I'm picking him up from the nap. He slept on the first day and every single other day after that.

Like... I didn't know that on that first. Yeah, no problem. No problem." I was like... Oh, God. I don't. Uh, he was two, though. It was a little bit different. You can talk to a two-year-old more. But anyway, so sleep is huge. Again, totally relate. And so many of the moms I work with, same thing. Right? That that's the biggest fear. It's a biggest thing. Um, and also I want to tell the world, as I tell them, you can change, You do not have to change a single thing at home. Like you, can still breastfeed them to sleep for every single nap at night and waking at homes.

You can co-sleep every, single night as you as, do you do, not to have change your relationship. In fact, I urge you not, to, change our relationship, at home, because that connection is so important. Yeah. I don't know if you remember, cause I was like, well, should I start to teach her how to fall asleep, not on my boob? And I messaged you, I dunno, this was probably a month ago. Like I just rubbed her back for the first time and she fell asleep not all my boobs. And you were like, it was probably a one off and it wasn't didn't happen again.

But when we talked about it, you're like you also like like You don't don' you don''t need to train her. They'll do that for you. Like they'll encourage in that environment. That's where she'll sleep and she''ll fall asleep a different way but at home like do it 10x like embrace that nurture 10 x at hom and I think that piece of advice really stuck with me. It's not Okay, well now teach her that even when you're around, you kind of not around. Just like make those moments that you have together so much more 100% hyper focused.

And I try to be like super cognizant. Now when I'm at home, like, okay, no, really no phone really, just be there because I do have a few hours each day away from her and I'll take advantage of getting my work done or doing testing or realistically scrolling on Instagram for two hours during that time, but it has not been that smooth for Noah for nap time. You want to say that too, and I want you to continue and go in with that confidence that the daycare workers are, if they are nurturing, which the majority really are.

that they're going to have their way and they'll find their own way with their baby, but also be open to that your baby could be a very sensitive baby. You probably know that you're baby sensitive, right? And it might be, you know, not as straightforward, Let's hear, let's here your story. Okay. So I, so the first, this I think is like kind of a cute story on the 1st day, they're getting to know me. They're asking questions. OK. What's her, you're like, um, what's your routine when you give her the bottle?

I was like I've never given her a bottle. You guys are going to need to teach her that. Like, okay, What is your route when put her down for a nap? They are like what if someone else is putting her to sleep? she's never been put to sleep by anyone else. They're like, oh, I was like that's, you guys are gonna teach her that. Yeah. Okay, what's your routine when you like say bye to her and someone's babysitting her? Never happened, no one's ever been. You know, they're, like oh there's gonna be a lot of transition.

So they went in knowing that it was gonna a learning curve. The one staff who Noah has truly bonded with and has a really nice relationship with, What they've told me is they'll give her the bottle, she took it, and no problem. she didn't need to be taught how to take a bottle. Oh, and I'll also mention, because I did say that it was such a process for the pumping so that she could have a model because they wanted to continue to breastfeed. So every time I fed her afterwards, I would pump and would get like half an ounce and just keep adding it to a bag until I got to five ounces and freeze it.

But it would take like two days to get one baggie for it, so it took a long time, but now I have like three bags like stashed. And then every day when she's in daycare, I'll pump and then use up for the next day. So just to, to like call back to that point. It was a bit of a process. But anyway, so they give her the bottle, they rock her in her arms. They said that she's very observant, so while all the other babies are lying in the cribs and starting to go to sleep, sometimes other baby's would like, snuggle into the staff holding them, but she just like observes.

She just wants to see what's going on and learn, I guess. And then once they're all asleep, then she'll rest her head and they just have to like rock in their arms, the very first day she slept for 17 minutes, because the second they tried to lower her, she woke up. So they rocked her in their arms for 17 minutes, she slept and that was it.

Communication, Confidence, and Future Plans 28:28

The second day, they tried to lower her into the crib again, unsuccessfully, but they were able to floor her onto a pillow on the floor. I don't know why that wasn't comfortable. But they made a floor bed in the daycare, which I was like, great, that's what we have at home. So maybe that what she's more comfortable with, who knows. And then the third day they locked her and they have this like baby rocker thing that like kind of shifts that, like moves them when the staff can't rock them anymore.

So they put her in that and then they'd put that in the crib. Okay. Now they want her to see that she's waking up in a crib so she gets more comfortable with it. Yeah. That was the third or fourth day, something like that. Then yesterday, they rocked her, she fell asleep and they lowered her into the cribs. She slept for an hour and 20 minutes. It took a week, but she didn't They promised me she didn't cry. And who knows? I mean, I have to just trust them. But it seems like she's getting really comfortable with like a new place.

So it wasn't as smooth as like, but she did watch them and see what's going on. It took a little bit more hand holding. Yeah. Still just a weekend. Four days, five days is nothing for a transition. Yeah, totally. And I think when she wakes up... I'm sure it felt like it was a lot as you were going through it. But sometimes things take two, three weeks, right? Or a month, right? Yeah. And it might go back and forth in a process, but I'm a big Reddit. I love going on Reddit, and I was reading a thing, I actually asked a question about this whole process.

Mm-hmm. So I just wanted to see what other moms were saying, And I as asking about my husband helping to put the baby down, because that's such a processing. Someone was saying there, as long as, like, there sometimes will be tears when it's someone new. Um, or a new environment or new anything, but there was also tears when I was putting her to bed in the first couple of weeks, like it is a bit of a learning curve. So obviously you want to minimize crying as much as possible, But I just keep thinking, I still haven't let my husband put her in bed because the second I hear her crying, Like I'll just do it.

But even if there's tears there, there is someone holding her and loving her, and taking care of her. And it's okay as long as like she's being reassured because she does wake up crying. Like I think when she wakes up in the crib, she said, but then they pick her up and they hold her and whatever she needs. So yeah, so it sucks. And like, but I've been like picking her up right after her nap. The second she's up, like I get her and I have the luxury of doing that until she like is more confident waking up there and less tears.

It's just support that they've given her. That's one other thing that maybe I will mention. that I didn't even know to look at. And I don't know that not having this was an option. But they have an app with me called Lilio, I think. where they can update me throughout the day. I try to be not messaging 24-7 because they have to work, and I also don't hope that they're not on their phone 24 seven. But it is nice that can send me messages and updates and pictures throughout day and just reassure me.

And I do zoom in, I'm like, how red are her eyes? Is she crying? But she's not. She's smiling and doing her little activities. there are daycares that don't have any form of communication throughout the day. And I'm sure there's some moms that are like, I just need to trust them and be hands off. When they're there, they are there. That's fine. There's also the other level where there is daycare with cameras that you can watch them 24-7. To me, that was uncomfortable. I want to have a form trust, but I also want you know, a form of communication.

Oh, hey, I forgot to tell you, you she woke up at 10. So she's probably gonna be tired early, whatever, like I can just give them a little update. To me, didn't even know to ask about that beforehand. But I'm just putting it out there for other moms that maybe that's something you want to inquire about, or just like kind of think for yourself. is like what level of communication you want. Yeah. It's good. I like that you bring up the, like the transitioning to being in a new relationship with sleep as well, right?

Like, which comes after that trust that they have in the caregiver, and I find as thinking, like having a mindset shift that this caregiver, hopefully, and they're in a, child's in place where they have like one or two, you know, these people who are, they are in deep relationship with, that they like, yeah, an extended person in the family, right? They're a part of your village. Like, I pretty sure I, in my thank you for my book, thanked the people at my son's daycares as extended village, villagers, like people in my village because I would not have written my book.

I done a lot of things without that support of that community. And they're not blood related, because we live in a weird, you know, very distant place from like where humans started. But it is sort of like that, right? They are like an auntie, a grandma, great aunt, an uncle, grandfather, who is embracing and loving your baby and taking care of them. I find people who are in that profession, they are Like they have so much love to give, and they love babies, And they don't want babies crying, they want things going in a stressful way at all.

So it's really helpful to think of it that way as well. And to genuinely, authentically give that love, to those people. They do become part of your family. over time in a lot of important ways. I feel like it like when you're saying genuinely give that love to them like they're there with your baby all day like you want to have that really strong relationship with them. Yeah. And that they love you and you love them because they are you know spending so much time with your little human, I want them, to feel like they can text me at any time.

Yesterday, one of them messaged me after working like telling me something cute that she did during the day. Like she's thinking about Noah after the fact to me that builds so much more trust that that was like a thought even like two hours after I picked her up. And they could have just told me tomorrow, but they like message me through the app. So it's little things like that, that made me feel very confident about it and then made a decision, you know, on how I'm going to like continue this transition as I go back to work and what that's going look like.

Tell us what the future, what you think the feature will look. Yeah, so I was going back and forth on should I do three days, like full-time daycare, which If you asked me three weeks ago, I would have instantly cried and said, never should I do a couple of days a week and keep her home a few days and somehow figure out how to work with her at home, which is only unfair to my job, but it's unfair for her because she'll be ignored. Especially the more and more she gets to be able to move around, it is just not feasible.

Or possibly bringing in a nanny, a whole, I never had nannies growing up, so I didn't really know what that could look like, but I knew that I wanted more one-on-one care for Noah. But financially, it's a strain. So the like balance that my husband and I talked about was like three days a week in daycare, two days at week at home. We still have to pay full-time day care, we obviously have pay the nanny, But it was a balance we felt we were comfortable with for noah. started interviewing nannies, getting comfortable with the idea, figuring out what that could look like.

Um, and, at the same time started this transition into daycare. And this morning, I think I called you being like, i'm spinning because this transmission is going so much more smoothly than I thought. Back to our previous episode, like I had such strong opinions, but gladly I held them loosely because now I feel better about doing full time, every day day care. No nanny. and picking her up a little bit earlier. So she's not gonna do a full day. I'll get her earlier, but I just feel like this is, I'm listening to my gut and I am listening her and how she is experiencing.

And I feel that that is like the right thing for us. Luckily I was in a position already, right? Totally. Lucky that like, in the position that I can like make, like I could have had either way. You know, and like making that call, I can do this alternative of like all day daycare. And if it doesn't work out, okay, we'll reassess. Just like I reassessed right now. Um, and I think it's a continual like iteration, but this thing that I cried every single day about for probably a month and a half is now like the complete opposite of all of my expectations because I found the right day care, which I thing is a huge part of it.

Yeah. No, it was like temperament and her age. all the things. Yes. It's such a big, it's a such big change, right? I talk about these like, shocking and surprising moments where you get extra, this newfound freedom in your motherhood journey. Like one is when you can like roll away from them from a nap or the first part of the night or having grandparents watch them for a little bit or, you know, someone. Um, and this one, is just so shocking. And surprising, right? Like now you have a few hours a day to yourself.

It's a whole new way. other parents at the daycare came and were like, Kelly, eventually you're gonna have to leave, like you can't just sit in her cubby all day waiting. Like you just go grab a coffee and walk away. But like even within that milestone of having like dropping her off, it was then the milestone or like walking a meter away from the class. Okay, now two meters away form the classroom. And that comes with building trust with the stuff there. Yeah, there's like all these little and big milestones.

I love it. It's so reassuring for parents to hear this story because this is, honestly, it is the most common story I hear. I definitely will say I also hear stories where babies are not adjusting well, they're not forming that relationship, whether it's just babies not ready, temperament, or it that the staff aren't aware enough to know that they each have to form, like someone's going to have the special person for a baby, right, for every single baby there. And then other, again, other plans have be made.

We have flexible, we have shift. But this is the majority. of experiences that I do here. So thank you for sharing and we'll look forward to a new update. Anything else you want to add before we say goodbye? I don't think so. I think like my takeaway or my share is trust your gut and try as much as possible. Like there are those, you know, those boulders in the road that you can't move, but try to like go with the flow and know that you can change your decisions and adjust as you go. And yeah, just trust your gut.

I think you said that to me in the beginning. The more I trust my gut, the more trust I got. That's been such a game changer. It makes it easier to tune out the noise around you of telling you what to do. Absolutely. I love it. Thank you so much, Kelly. Thanks for having me. Next milestone, I'll be back. The next big thing. All right, talk to you soon.