Spoil Your Baby Ep 39 – From Low Nurture to Nurture Revolution feat. The Nurture Duo

Opening and warm welcome 0:00

It was just like a shock because, especially with sleep, we were like, what's going on? Why? How? Like, I remember we just were, like there's information. And like we, just we're motivated to find the right, you know, people and we are lucky enough to come across as a holistic sleep consultant through TikTok. Her handle is raised to flourish and she just changed our lives. We understood our boys better. Hello, welcome to spoil your baby podcast. I am so excited to have Erin and Haley and their babies with us today.

They are the nurture duo and I'm just so happy you're here and we're gonna learn all about you. So let's start with just welcoming you, thank you for being here. Amazing, this is like, Thank you so much. No, but I'm sweating. No we're just so happy to be here. You know, our path here has been very long and challenging, you know starting with our upbringing but like we are just in such a good space right now. Yeah, I think it's like you are to thank too. Like your work has our motherhood journey and like personal journeys too so we are honored to to be here today.

Amazing and so for all of our listeners we do have two little babies here, today and we're going to be comfortable having our little ones around.

Growing up in a low-nurture home 1:51

And that's what we want to model for the world. So we'll start on this podcast. Amazing. Both of you have taken the Nurture Neuroscience Practitioner course. Why don't we start with your story getting there? What came before you joining the course? Um, so, um, I'm Erin and this is Haley. Um we're twins. Uh, we are from a family of four children. We have two older brothers. um We grew up in a single parent household with our mom. Our dad struggled with mental illness since before we were born. He was, like, pretty sick when we young.

But still present in our lives, just not, you know, there. every day. And yeah, he's doing great now, but that had a big impact on us. You know, one parent for four kids. It's hard. Absolutely. So it was you know hard for a mom but they both did the best that they could with the hand they were dealt and yeah we're grateful for them both. So yeah, we definitely experienced some low nurture just because of the circumstances, poverty, mental illness, addiction, so Yeah, we had a lot going on at a young age.

I love that you're already sort of just modeling the growth that You've experienced by telling your story right to really say like a Lot of us do come from low-nurturing Backgrounds, especially a lots of those who are drawn to this work because we you know, we have that drive, We kind of know how it feels in our bones and our bodies and we want to make a change for our own babies and for other babies around the world, right? And we can still love our parents, be so grateful for them and have an understanding that they did do the best that They could because everyone has different circumstances and and all can exist at the same time.

Right. Which is really important to share. Yeah. And they're amazing grandparents. You know, we're grateful for their support every day. But yeah, so upbringing then, you know post-secondary. Do you want to talk about that? Yeah, yeah. We got there. I think like, having each other is kind of also what has led us to where we are today.

Early childhood education and infant mental health 4:45

We really nurtured each other, obviously from the womb, like we've just always kind of been there for each and we're lucky. So we, yeah, we had like, and still do have a lot of the same interests. And so we love children and went into early childhood education and worked in that field for 10 years and then just kind We both wanted to learn more, just kind of felt like this isn't it for us. And we, I think we kind inspired each other. Like I remember you saying you wanted go back to school and I was like, mm, don't know what's happening.

She just like motivated me and i'm so grateful because like I loved it. We did our. bachelor's degree in early childhood studies, which is where we had a course on infant mental health. And it was like, whoa, like this is, these are, this information that everyone working with children needs to know. Like, frankly, people working in education don't know this stuff. You know, they have these high expectations that kids in kindergarten should know how to self-regulate and be independent. You know, it's just, I even think back like, oh my gosh, that was so hard on some kids.

And if I only knew then what I knew now, you know always looking in hindsight, but moving forward, we're like so passionate to help parents because that's where it starts. So I love just you sharing that self-compassion too. right? That you, you know, for, and that's such a good point for all parents to take in, right, like we can only do our best with the information that we have. And so we still give that past self love and care. Yeah, I still, we're still cared about those kids deeply and do their best.

But yeah, it just seemed like, there was just such disconnect with like the parents and the kids with, you know, issues with attachment and behaviors. Yeah, behaviors are just so like out of control. And I think we just thought like, you can help parents in some way, have these, the tools and understanding. Like that's kind of where we felt like our path was leading us, I guess. Um, and then Erin eventually, oh, then it brought us to, that brings us motherhood. Yeah, so we both were lucky enough to get pregnant at the same time with our firstborns.

Our due dates were two weeks apart so, you know, we went through everything together. So, I mean, people say we're lucky. You guys are lucky, you're so lucky! But also, like, i feel like we deserved that. Like, a hundred percent. With everything we needed. Oh, yeah. It's like okay, well come on, we haven't really been lucky until, until this chapter, where we are like lucky and we acknowledge it. We're getting your gifts. Right, so yeah, they were born two days apart. And motherhood was just like, kind of so hard.

Motherhood, sleep struggles, and finding support 8:12

So hard, you know, the research that you've done is only 30 years old. We're 31. Our parents didn't know that. It was like a shock because especially with sleep, we were like what's going on? Why? How? There's information. And we just were motivated to find the right people. We were lucky enough to come across a holistic sleep consultant through TikTok. Her handle is raised to flourish and she just changed our lives. we understood our boys better, we trusted ourselves more, We got to the root of lip and tongue ties, body tension.

And just like, it really like boosted our confidence, I think, to just be like no, no this is We are choosing to respond to our babies and this is right for us and they belong in our beds. Yeah. No more falling asleep in rocking chairs. Like, you know, the world is bright. The experts that you find in those early days are life-changing. Right. Definitely. And it's kind of like make or break. I feel like, it was just like so much noise about sleep training and like, you know, what you had to do. And I remember Haley saying to me like you don't have to sleep train him, Erin.

I was like I don t, like oh my gosh. So I feel like that just like made motherhood very healing for both of us. Definitely just love embracing the contact naps and resting with them, feeding to sleep, all the things that you see you're not supposed to do from sleep training culture. It was just nice to be like, no, we're doing what we want to. And it was obviously great having each other to say, I'm doing it too. Yeah, it's always so good to have a partner in it. Yeah, I love that like sharing that journey because that is sort of my wish for all parents right can we really understand our baby really understanding our babies sleep and then surrender into it to that point where everybody is getting the benefits and sleep.

you know, it gets flipped from like being framed as like a problem, something has to be fixed, controlled, dominated into something that's like, gonna be the best memories of your whole life. Oh, I just got the most. Right? Like, you're your most second time moms now you, um, You know this, right? like those times of everything you just described, like that is what will be The biggest memory of the joyful times. Right? Such a goal, right? Getting parents to that place where it's not just a problem.

It's just manageable, but it is actually a source of so much awe, joy, fun, and rest. And everyone can do it. You just have to lean in and trust yourself and just trust your baby and have support. Right. Yes. The support piece is so big. I know that might be the next part of your story, but I'm not gonna spoil it. I am not going to speak for you. Yeah, I think the last thing we wanted to touch on was we both really love Hey Sleepy Baby. And when you were on our podcast, that was like how we heard of you.

I mean, the boys were just over one or around one year old. Yeah. Because I was working at the school board, Haley had a home daycare with my son, and I had to go back to work.

From personal healing to professional training 12:18

But I would listen to podcasts, then I listened to your book. Um, and I just remember like raving about it to everybody and like people probably thought I was like crazy and, like, obsessive. I think her husband's thought like you guys are really obsessed with this woman. We're like we are. Like we love her. So yeah, we, you know, bought your book in Audible, then bought hard copies, asked all our family and friends to read it. Um yeah. Yeah, amazing. Well, I'm so happy that you found it. Yeah. And I think like just following accounts like similar to yours and he's sleepy baby, like that really became like a support to us, you know, following all the accounts that just didn't align with our parenting style and just being like, Okay, look at all these amazing moms choosing to respond during the night nighttime parenting like such a crazy thing.

But not. Yeah, you can really create an online support system in so many ways, right? I always share that with with moms, too. There's soo many incredible accounts, all the ones you mentioned I love as well. And then just other moms who are also just sharing that experience, and you really not feel alone, like not feeling alone in motherhood is paramount to feeling good. Right? Yeah. Yeah, and I think we've always just supported each other like even, you know, even we both have two, we have a crying baby or now two crying kids and we're just like together like, whatever.

We're all good. Everyone's safe. You got your carriers. Got each others. Deep breaths. Yeah. All the things we need. I love that. So then, I'm so curious now then how did you take that leap to be trained as professionals? Erin, I think I messaged you and said like, Oh my god, your book changed my life and blah, blah blah. And like just, you know, and then you said, And I thank you, thank Erin said I would love to like work with you or for you. Yeah, it was like I want to help people the way you help and the ways our sleep consultant have helped us.

Like I just want this information. out there. And then you replied and said like, Oh, I have a professional course coming and I was just like oh my god it's coming like I can do this and incredible yeah and i just kept like following like you would post about it and then I remember the day it was like live and like i think you signed me up she's like we're doing it okay yeah I want to do it amazing amazing that what I think that sold out in like five minutes oh Yeah, it was meant to be. I was very excited.

Yes. Great. And I'm so happy that both of you are in our first group. Yeah. It was amazing. Especially that we were both pregnant with these guys while we did the course. So that was really nice. Mm hmm. I love when we can reach moms when they're pregnant. Yeah. It's really special or, or in the early days, postpartum. Right. Yes. I remember just feeling like, wow, I feel so confident going into, you know, motherhood again. Um, it's obviously different having to, but just like my journey with her, just so I'm confident.

And I know I can handle like anything that comes our way, like whether it sleep or you know, development and it's so different from with my son. I don't know first baby, people aren't always lucky to be prepared this way. Absolutely. So now you've now really brought this out into your community, which is incredible. Tell us a little bit about about getting that started. it was hard at first like not gonna lie they were just like how do we do this like um how did we even start i think we we thought like you know we work monday to friday kind of nine to five hours so we'll just do it on the weekends and we reached out to people in the community that had space and um a local

Launching community circles and workshops 16:48

yoga studio was like really welcoming and supportive to us and was, like, sure, you can run on the weekends. And then we were like hmm, people sleep in on a weekend. We weren't getting much attention. So I think quickly we're like okay, no, it's not going to work. That's okay. resilient and flexible. Because I think there were times where we were like, oh, like can we do this? Like, and we just kind of kept pushing and offering things for free, free workshops. And so we ran two free ones in town and had lots of interest.

But then from that, we had one mom who came to our first paid session during the week and I'm still in touch with that mom. We love her so much and we're so grateful because, you know, when you have one... You got it all started, right? You have to have that first person. Yes, yes. So yeah, we actually worked with her and her family. Like we did a one-on-one and so that was like our first, one on one experience, which was also a great, yeah we were lucky to work with them and they're a very responsive family But yeah, then it was like one more mom came.

So like, it would be two moms and then the next class, three moms. And you know, we were always just like come and try it. Like, you don't need to pay if it's right for you. We want you to come in and experience it first. By the end of our first series, It was a shorter one because I was due soon, but we just want to get started. we want get our feet wet. You know, build our community. So we were both pretty pregnant and we had, I don't know four or five moms that were like consistently coming and built a little community on WhatsApp and you know we're just still in touch with them.

Then yeah, we took a break to have our babies and came back at a different location. I was still pregnant. Erin was so pregnant. Yeah, we both were so pregnancy at different points. So that was also and is also really amazing because having, you know, where we're providing support for our moms, but they're provided support to us too. You can receive it. Give and take so beautifully. It's a nice gift because again, with our first a postpartum experience, we didn't really do much. We didn' go out, didn''t go to mom groups, We had post partum anxiety, were scared of germs.

Yep, now we''re like... Second time moms like, yeah, take off the dirty thing off of the floor or whatever. But yeah then we, I think as we were pregnant too we made more and more connections with pregnant moms, with professional supporting people with little babies and pregnant moms. And so we did a prenatal yoga. So we met a bunch of moms there that are all coming right now. It's kind of cool. We did yoga together and now our babies are at our other circles. Yeah, so full class coming back and we were like, this is too much.

we need a second. Now we run back to back classes. And it's like a community of, I don't know, 15 or 16 moms who are now all on the same group chat, who're all supporting each other. They are all so nurturing, so intuitive. A bunch of them are first time moms. And we, Erin and I are like, whoa, like these? Like you guys are doing amazing. Like, wow. Yeah, they're incredible. It's, it like without, you know. Some, some, but they, They come for support and advice, But it is like they all have it in them already.

And it's like, it was just beautiful to see. Yeah, I think that's so true. I Think we all have it. And It's about having places where we feel safe. Like the spaces you're creating with your circles and your one on ones to give nurture that mom to like have that confidence come out and have those that intuition come Out. We really do experience that in groups of women too, right? We kind of all feel that connection for ourselves and safety when we're together. How incredible. Wow. So you now you've influenced quite a few mothers and I bet those mothers like you, you observed their first time mothers but are doing so well, probably a huge part because of what you created.

Thank you. We hope so. Yeah, we are happy to support because we didn't feel like we had the same besides each other.

Building a supportive mom community 22:06

Yeah. I don't know. Just wasn't the thing. And it's just so needed. Like, you know, it is a very unique class. There's not another circle like this in our town. So pretty. It's pretty exciting to be like in your first cohort and then, you know, being the first professionals to bring it to our community. And hopefully, it can just keep growing and growing, and we can keep the nurture revolution going. Absolutely. I love it. Would you share some impressions that you've heard from from others? If you can think of any?

Oh, yeah. So a lot of them, like when we finish, they'll be like, Oh it's over like that went by too fast. And then they're, you know, we can't wait for next week. They're looking forward to it Yeah, lots of feedback saying like they enjoy just that pause to really connect with their baby and you know there's so much going on with social media and just to do's and the constant just like hustle and bustle and so the moms have said they just really enjoy that. that connection part during circle. I love that.

That's such a big piece of why they're so giving to mothers. There's having real life experiences with real support and real connection. Yes. It's so different than having it through a computer. Like we mentioned earlier, there's great support online, great Instagram accounts. Great people sharing things. But having that really personalized in-person experience where you feel it and then you can walk away with friends and ongoing support is necessary. We've had moms crying because they're so happy.

They're just like, oh my gosh. I love my baby so much, and the emotions are so high. Every class. Everyone is so vulnerable, including us, where every week we're like, yeah, this happened in our childhood. We'll open up more. Yeah. And it's safe. I think that's been a common theme, too. everyone says that they love how non-judgmental and safe the space feels. That's, of course, a number one goal for us. So we are happy to be achieving that. I love that. And then for you, how has it been for as facilitators and guides?

You've touched on it a little bit, but what's your takeaway on that? I think it's great to do it together. We kind of just read each other's minds. like, luckily. So it is hard, like you know, having and having newborns, you not like our brains are changing too. And we are forgetful. and so there's times where it's just like what was I just saying? Or? Yeah, we forget something. But I think it always it, always comes together and definitely was nerve-racking at first, but I feel and I see Erin's confidence growing.

They usually leave the class feeling really good. That was a great class. Oh my gosh, we're so happy they came and shared. We'll be like, oh, this person, what group? We're going to message them. Or like I'm so proud of that person. We've created genuine relationships with these moms and it's so, it, It's beautiful. We're very lucky that we get to educate, but then also gain friendships and community. Um, this is a new town for the two of us, um, just in the last few years. So we don't have too many friends here.

And so like having moms in exact same season of life is so needed and. Yeah, it's been amazing. It's an important time to make new friends. I love how you share too that like, you can show up not perfect, not forgetting things.

Reflections on facilitating and course encouragement 26:30

And that's fine, right? Like that, that also just such great modeling for everything in life, including all parts of motherhood. Right? You have to, we do our best and it is enough, being us is not and being you guys is probably more than enough to lead these beautiful circles. for all the parents that show up. Amazing. Well, I'm so happy that we got a chance to hear from you. And we're going to be inviting more people to come into our certification coming up and yeah, anything you want to say to those people who are thinking about it?

If you're thinking about it, definitely do it. If your already working with families, it's just going to enhance your skills and confidence in, you know, not only the sleep department, but nervous system care. Understanding brain development is like so huge. And like I said before, like setting appropriate expectations for the children you are caring for in whatever way that looks like. is so important. And if you join the program, you'll have the best support from you Greer and Rocio, all of the other amazing practitioners that bring their own background.

It was just such a great learning experience. We've loved all the resources that have been provided to support the family. And it's very flexible. We did this course while we were working, while were pregnant, when we had toddlers. But we did it. And I never felt like, oh no, I'm behind. Things were smooth enough that during a nap, a contact nap or whatever with toddler, could listen to the recording and then we would reflect together on the journaling prompts or what ever. So yeah, very flexible and can go at your own pace, but such a great program group.

I love it. I Love it Well, thank you both. Well all four of you for being here today. Love your story so much. It's so beautiful to watch everything that you're doing in the world and such an inspiration. For people who are curious to know more about you, where can they find you? So we're pretty active on Instagram. That's like our main place. So, we are at the Nurture Duo. And then our website is thenertraduo.my.canva.site. Or you can reach out through Gmail, thenerterduo at gmail.com. Beautiful.

We'll post everything in the show notes as well. And I'll thank you again. So great to be with you today.