The First Step to Success: Why Your Values Determine Your Income

Session Overview and Course Purpose 0:00

So in recap, we're really starting session one. I'm going to go through first the who, what, where, why, how, and when of what this is, right? Ultimately, but I want you to be thinking as what I was thinking when I wrote this was, What does it mean to live an inspired life? That was the overriding vision in my mind when I was doing this a few months ago, cleaning it up from the first round. So this is round two. And at this I've done an expansion. primarily focusing on brain disorders, mental health issues.

So I'm a business owner, I've had six brick and mortar practices and an online practice. I am a self-made person, and I have been successful at others. And I was someone who fell in love with network marketing over the last several years, really not only for the incredible income it's given me, because it has. and an incredible time freedom it's been able to afford me. It's giving me an opportunity to not trade my hours for dollars as much as I do in private practice. But it is really what I like most about it.

And it sometimes embarrassing for me to admit it, I've really met some of the most incredible people I have ever met. Some of my best friends and best relationships have come from this industry. What I love most and realize what like about and why I keep coming back, It's the game that of. I see everything like a game, but this is a And I'm obsessed with the game of helping people. And so it allows me to help others in a personal development avenue where I get to see an expression of their aliveness and their fun and income.

I can play really freely in that area without worrying about me exchanging money for appointments and any of that. It's just I'm only winning if you're winning, so how can I help you win? And that's super fun for me. So what is it? This is a course, OK? And it's going to be a co-creation, like a participation of you and me together here on these Zooms, as well as in this group chat. And I'm calling it the CHIP Self Leadership Training, because all leadership begins with, can you lead yourself first?

CHP stands for C-H-I-P, Connection and Heart Ignite Prosperity. So what that is a personal development course designed to help you build wealth through authentic relationships and inspired self leadership. Why am I doing it? Ultimately, I like to do this anyway. But in particular, there's been a shift and an upgrade to it. And it is named after my recently passed partner in crime and life, a man with 30 years of network marketing experience who earned millions in the industry, including being over a million in a year.

So being a seven-figure earner is like a definite badge of honor we get once you get there. And he taught me how to do it too. He did many things, but he thought, so the word connection to me is what I think of with Chip. he helped me see why connection was so important, he help me to see myself better than I even thought I was and could see things that I didn't see. He helped me see the value of connecting with others in a way that I didn't understand. I thought I did it. Like, I could do it some ways, but I don't see it in other ways.

Right? I think I am particularly bring a lot of the heart aspect into it and inspiration is something we both did. And he taught me abundance and prosperity in very unique way. He helps heal a lots of money trauma that i've been working on for a really long time, just being in his frequency and his resonance. I hope I can honor his name and what he brought into my life from network marketing and much more in a way that only I Can I'm not reproducing him. I am definitely this is my energy and my course, but I Hope I could transmute His heart and his energy with mine to serve you so that is the wise because ultimately the better you are The better the world is, and the better my business is ultimately.

So I'm selfishly, unselfishly. It's selfish for me to un-selfestly teach you. How about that? Okay? How are we going to do it? We're going do do via Zooms and then recordings are uploaded to a YouTube playlist. We will also have a group messenger chat. When will we do it? I am not going to provide a set schedule communication about when the calls will be announced are going happen inside that group. Messenger chat I won't send emails or text either. All right. So here's what I'm going set the stage for what we're going be doing this.

Session 1 is the longest and hardest them in a say so. In this learning, this is the worst news probably. I want you to expect to do two to three hours of self-reflection exercises after the session. Many of you might get it done in an hour. The more you know thyself, the faster this will be. the more lie to yourself about who you really are and what you like and really do, The harder and longer this going to be for you.

Why the CHIP Training Exists 5:31

And we all do that. We all think we know what we want or who we are or what be like. And then I'm going to explain you the difference between fantasy and reality. I think many people are not getting the results in life that they want because they're choosing to live in a fantasy about what they think they want or who they wanna be. And so they're always frustrated with themselves instead of claiming who are and loving themselves right where they are. Because of that, they actually don't even see how winning and beautiful and successful they already.

So this whole process is gonna be about that. This is just one exercise that's gonna lay the groundwork. We will have other ones. None of them should be this long, all right? So after the session, you're going to be writing this stuff down. So you might want to do it in one block of time, and you may want slowly work on it over a couple weeks. The next session is probably going be about three weeks away, but I will be in the chat to help in monitoring. I want give people time and everybody figuring it out.

Sometimes you want go to it. Some things I might say might take you a day or two to go, oh, I never even thought about that, or you're gonna be a little confronted maybe, because again, sometimes lying to yourself is such an ingrained thing that was taught to you for decades. That was what you were supposed to do, and stopping doing it feels disrespectful maybe to your mother. So lots of stories are gonna come up in this process. I'm just letting you know, it's all very normal, although it is not group therapy, as I said.

Those are the things you can talk about. Like in the chat, you say, wow, I had this insight The chat will be for insights, like I had this great insight about myself. I realized I did this, now I learned that. If it's, I was here and I learn that the shared learning is not group therapy, is that complaining, that will help people. They'll recognize themselves in that, in you, so that's what I do and want things to look at that Most every other session is going to be five minutes a day of homework, let's say, so to speak.

So again, I do want you to connect in the chat and feel comfortable making friends and you can get on small zooms with each other. If you get this and I'm struggling on this. Does anybody want to get on a Zoom with me? Do we want it? People can do that. Hey, I've got time. I am on the East Coast. On the West Coast I want do a zoom in an hour. Here's my link. And you guys can go off on Zoom and help each other. That's what I hope will happen and that will also help with Excessive back and forth in the chats, because that can be overwhelming for some people right?

So if you two of you are having a private conversation. 30 comments back forth that's more appropriate to take somewhere else right and I say you messenger you talk call each other a messenger get on zooms that kind of thing. Alright, so what are we learning? What we're gonna learn overall in this whole process is we gonna to learn to master the art of manifestation, of creating your own reality. So what I'm gonna be teaching is that what you think about, visualize, affirm, feel, act upon and persist in becomes your destiny.

Right now, you're here in leadership development program for your unique reasons. Your hopes, dreams, wishes, and desires are yours and yours alone. And they are not right or wrong or better or worse than someone else. I'll give some examples, but I will just say this. Not everybody is here to care about world peace. You don't need to pick up that baton. It's OK to just want to have a beautiful family and time with them. That doesn't make you less than someone else who's committed to something else.

So we do a lot of that. And sometimes the bigness of some people's ideas makes other people feel less that, and that is what going to work very hard to help you see is what's been really holding you back to. I want each of us to deeply practice learning to live at our own authentic journey. If you're trying to leave to please or impress anyone except yourself, you will begin to lead a very inauthentic life. Really the greatest thief of living in authentically is comparing yourself to someone besides who you were yesterday, right?

So I'm okay if you compare, but it better be comparing your self to yourself. That's it. If you are comparing yourself to anyone else besides your former version of yourself, it is really just simply feedback for you that you're not living from allowing your soul to drive your values and behaviors. The soul is never judging and comparing. It's fine. Soul doesn't need anybody's approval. Soul don't care because the soul knows what it knows and it's ready to go. It's got it. So if those things are coming up, it is letting you know there's some incongruency.

And to me, the definition of authenticity means the Soul is embodied in driving forward.

How the Course Will Run 11:23

That's what that means, right? So I want you to start giving yourself more permission just right here to pursue what's truly in your heart. Right? That means what is most meaningful to you. And that is really soul guided. You are a highly individualized soul. None of us should have the same wants, desires and dreams and that would be how boring, right? So the soul really is the state of unconditional love for what you're doing. And the soul is really the most authentic integrated view. And also, just so you know, to me, it's neurologically the more medial prefrontal cortex guided action.

So there's real neurology to how this happens. I can see a brain map and I could see it on somebody like, oh wow, look how integrated and soul-driven and spiritual they are. You can And you can see, wow, look how disconnected from sense of self that person is. It's right there, which is really fascinating. Three, I'm just overviewing what we're going to do in the course. I mean, to help you discover, hopefully, your current values, right? This is the thing that's going take some time. This going be the long homework we are going do.

And it's gonna take honesty about facts, not fantasy. Four, changing your values if desired doesn't mean you have to. It's only if you want to, okay? that can actually, if you want to do that, you can then start creating a life that you may be fantasizing about instead of valuing. I will explain this over time, okay? So here's the homework. It's how to discover your current values. And as I go through these 13 questions, I got this, didn't make these up. This is from training I took with Dr. DiMartini.

Started training with him. school. So I was probably 22, 30 years ago when I met Dr. Demartini. If you never watch anything again, and you quit, but I like this part, you can go buy his book or whatever. I'm giving you a little condensed something of one of his books. But I give you little, condensed pieces and bring a bunch of things together. What matters here is not figuring out your current values. This is like figuring where are you on the map? So then you can decide. What I hope most of you are going to realize is, I love my map.

Like, why was I thinking where I am is terrible? Like where am I is awesome. And I'm actually really good at what I do here. Oh, and I also want this. Instead of making myself wrong for not knowing how to get there, Of course, I didn't know how to get there because I haven't been paying attention to it, so I could learn to pay attention. I just can change the value a little bit. So I'm going to make this all make sense over time, but we're going do the homework first. This is where what matters when you do this exercise.

The most important thing is I don't want you to think about what you think you should value. I need to see how you really are. I wanna see what you care about, you need see, right? I want to you, I don't really need know any of this information. You need yourself to want the facts and not the fantasy, we need help you see your life actually demonstrates right in front of you. Not what to fantasize or what the world to think you are, Many of us wear a mask of trying to project an image to the world of how we want them to think we are what we think, we care about, but that's that doesn't always work out that way we consider those people inauthentic incongruent out of integrity.

This is where it's like the nature is like you walk the talk, or you don't. It shows up. So let's start with telling the truth about what we value by asking ourselves these questions. These are the questions that we're gonna ask. There's gonna be 13 things. I will have them, I can copy and paste the short list at the end. And I'll give this written list to you guys at some point. What I want to know, it's going to be like three answers for each question. When you write these, don't answer right now.

Just gonna bang them out and explain them to. Again, you'll have a recording. Just list three things, like go with the top three. So otherwise you could take 10 days to do this, right? Number one. What do we fill your space with? How do you feel your most intimate and individual space? Like the personal objects and things around, like the people, places, people and thing, right? If it's not valuable to you, you won't let it into your place. I'm going to explain something about space. So we have proximity, I am talking real proximity.

My intimate space is right next to me to one and a half feet, so the Are really close that means i'm touching them and hugging them in kissing them an embed with them. Like that's your most intimate space right like so what is around i'll tell you my phone is a thing that in my intimate face a lot.

Manifestation, Authenticity, and Soul-Driven Living 16:40

My laptop is in my intimate space. A lot. Be honest with what are the people chip was in. My intimate. Space a lot, think about it. Think about these things. Now these, you probably have three objects, three people, my dog. What's around you the most? What do you keep? People are like, my phone never leaves me. My this, think about what are the things and the people that are right there. Then you have personal space up to four feet, then you had your social distance about 12 feet. And then your public space 12ft and further.

There are just some people I don't let into my space, like they can't get there, right. What do you keep in your most intimate to personal space? What are the three most consistent objects or people that you keeping that space. Ask yourself of those three items that. You see, what is the absolute most dominant use of that thing? OK, so for me, a phone, I spend a lot of time and a. Lot of intimate space and time with my phone. What am I doing on the phone? I have to ask myself. OK, what I do on this phone most of the time, I manage my company.

I film videos for work.I talk to my love, right? So connection is a big one with loved ones. So those are the three most dominant uses that I That is absolutely what I do. The number two thing in my personal space is my laptop. Three main things that I on this laptop, it's slightly different than my phone. I write and research, I see patients, and I create courses and content. And finding out what are the three most important things and then what the are three uses of those things. All right. Then what's the third thing in my space that I'm most intimate with?

It's my dog right now, right? And the three dominant uses of Axel, he fulfills my caretaking need. He gives me affection. And there's also laughter. Those are really like what I get from my dogs. So looking at your space and the answers, again, I give, you know, not going to give you examples on everything, but that's what i want you to do, you're going to see the top three values are starting to form. You can already see some of my top values right there. Oh, for me, as I go through this, the theme is always teaching, researching, connection, talking to a lover, caretaking, axle.

That all helps me see that what I do. All right. So number two, I'm not going spend that long on everyone, but that's what i'm trying to do top. Three things. What are the three uses of the thing? What needs are they filling fulfilling for you? what do you do? How do spend your time? This is, what do you spend more hours doing every day? What are the top three things? My time is definitely spent creating, teaching, creating and teaching. Researching, writing, connecting either on social media, phone, groups, or courses.

I create content, I research and write, and I connect. That's all my time spent doing. Three, What energizes you? What do you do that maximizes your energy? And what do do all that you always have energy for? Okay, now pick three things. And this is the truth, not what you wish you had energy to do. Don't tell me you have to work out and you've been to the gym six months ago. Okay? I want actually what your doing, Not what's your wishing for. We're trying to help you see what to actually value. I say, this is something I want people to say.

Oh, I wish I saw my mom more. I'm like, no, you don't. When patients would say this to me, like if you wanted to see your mom or you would see a mom, more so you done. So stop lying to yourself. Unless they were locked in prison or something, there's some kind of real big, bad reason. But I like why don' you? And those are just excuses. If you actually wanted see her family more, You would make it happen. Seeing your family isn't one of your top three values. So this is what you're doing. What we're here is finding out what your prioritize in life and we are letting you see it by what's important.

If someone walks in my house, they would very clearly see clearly she prioritizes art because it's my houses loaded with it. And I have art shoved in closets and paintings everywhere. I'm overloaded, I don't have wall space. Not everybody values art. I do. So you would see it, because you walk in my house, like, oh, wow, she values it. You can tell what someone values, right? Number four, what do you spend your money on? The top three things you always find money for. Some people sure don't have money to go pay for labs, but they always have to money go to the bar.

It's what you actually spend you money. Oh, I don't have it, but they always are getting if you value healthy beauty, you'll have you spend your money on there if value. Books you're spending money like and sometimes I have to I had to learn that I was spending too much money and books at one point I'm like I can't keep. spending all my value can't be educating myself. It's actually stopping me. So sometimes it's like working against you just so you know. Five, where are you most organized and ordered?

So whatever you value, you're going to put care into keeping it organized, and neat, right? That's what you really care about. You keep it nice. I can walk into some of your houses and Boy, your supplements are just all perfectly organized, but your work stuff is thrown over there or whatever. Or your kid's schedule. Boy you put hours in it. It's so gorgeous. But your closet's a mess. So your kids are organized but you're not. Just look at what the truth is.

Discovering Your Current Values 22:40

Six, where are you most disciplined and reliable? This is just looking at, what are the things nobody needs to tell you to do? You're going to them no matter what. It doesn't matter, you don't need a post-it note, a reminder, nobody has to tell you to do that thing. It's just automatic and you like to it so you're always gonna do it. Some people are incredibly inspired by, disciplined by and energized by going to the gym. So waking up at 4.30 every day, they've been doing it for 20 years. Nobody has the remind them.

They don' need motivator. Other people That's cooking for their children, right? You might be an incredibly disciplined and reliable mother. You may be incredible homemaker, but you aren't even seeing it, all right. I want you to start seeing how good you are at what you're good at. Seven, what do you think about? What are the big things you'd think and why do think you about them? Think about that. Eight, would you visualize? Whether you do it on purpose or it's like daydreaming. Nine, what do you have an internal dialogue about most?

Again, these are always the top three things and what's their function? You'll start to see these patterns and some of these will go faster. What do want to converse with other people about the most. I can't stand talking about food. But boy, do I get lit up about certain topics. Like I had three interviews this last 10 days I was like, and I had one of the doctors point and she was, look at you. She was you love this, you do working. You love talking about this. I'm like you're right. I'm like, okay, she just needs less hours right now, because it's just wearing you out, but you still love this.

It makes you come alive. Like you're right, I do love it. So think about that. What naturally happens when you just feel energized in the conversation versus what's draining you. And you might have to be talking about things that you don't actually enjoy. Might be a part of your job, might be part your daily living. Think about what 11, what inspires you the most? Three, What are your three most consistent goals? And what do you love to learn about? So when you do this homework, lots of things will come up for you.

Like again, and I'm overestimating two to three hours. It could take that long because. And you might, I think you're going to have fun with it. That's the, this should be fun. Yeah. I never thought of that. So. I'll end it with this little story and then we can see if there's any questions to clarify. What was number 10? What do I want to discuss with others the most about? So I had a patient that she was always so convinced. She was a doctor and wasn't doing well financially. practice was just mediocre.

And she just was like really beating herself up about how unsuccessful she was. So I was looking at her like she has this incredible marriage, great kids. I think she like their basketball coach and they had a lot of vacations. They just seemed to have so much quality time and just were the loveliest people. Like it was, I'm like, what are you talking about? And she had been through a hell of a trauma story as a child, like to the point I'm like, I mean, awe of you for even like how are you so normal?

You're incredible. What are talking about? So I was just there to clean up a little bit of something in her neurology and I think reflect back to her how great she was doing. But she stuck in, she a failure because her father had been a super wealthy physician. And so in standard, he didn't meet the bar on the family expectation of how much money she should have been making. But of course her father, so I said, okay, I had to figure that out. Who is she comparing herself to? She was comparing her self to her Father.

And her only metric of value she was using was income wealth building. Income is actually, and wealth-building are two different values, but let's just say income and finance, work and finances, okay? Chip had a very high value on work in finance. It was one of his top values working, it was his number one work-in-finance. So I get it. She's here. Her father's number-one value was work & finance and that was the most important. latching on to his value and then judging herself based upon she was that this was not her top value so when we did this exercise and I worked with her she got I said I pointed out tell me all the places where you're successful and she's like you just you don't understand I just told you I'm not successful.

And I took a while to get our way from we're not talking about money Let's talk about your husband, let's, talk, about you marriage. Let' talk. About your kids. Talk about. Your health. What's your community service. How you overcome. You're not a drug addict and alcoholic. Her mother had killed herself because of the trauma. I don't even want to get into it. It was a religious sex cult, but she was able to escape. Okay. So father. I don't know, four or five marriages. It was another insane number.

Wasn't together and they were estranged in a good way because she didn't need to be around him. So I was like, wait, what? And so this guy didn't even have an impact in her life, and yet she was still judging herself based upon that value, which wasn't hers. So as we went through and she pointing out what an incredible marriage she had, we married 30 years, he was the love of her and they really worked on it. And they found each other at 11. I'm like how did that happen? Can you explain this to me?

So, I try to explain, do you see how incredible you are? that most people I'm like I've still over here I haven't done it or whatever like i'm trying to point out she was like oh my god so by the time we got done she realized her number one value was family and when she realised that she's like, I might buy you winning she says I won the lotto I like the grand

The 13-Question Values Exercise 29:20

master gold champion I guess you're an Olympic gold medalist in this value what are you talking about and then when we went we figured them out for her finance was not in her top three values so I said okay so the point was so she could see I'm already successful exactly you have three different values you just thinking you're supposed to have this as a value now Do we want to move work and finance up in your value system because it's making you feel afraid?" And it turned out she didn't even want move the value because she had plenty of money.

The husband had money, like they were fine. It was like she just let herself off the hook. I was, I'm like, you're in profit, right? Like, what's the big deal? So that's what I'm looking for you to do. So you're going to find out what your values are and you'll end up seeing, oh my god, I am super good at it. In the last cohort, Carol is somebody who took that cohort and she doesn't, she never worked out, She never liked it, blah,blah, Blah. She is spontaneously going to the gym, totally different behaviors like it.

I think she's about 60 or 58 or something like that. And she has been talking about how it's just, you have no idea how you change my life and all these different things. and I'm still, I hope she takes this course again and you can understand. We changed her value system. She did change her values system and she linked health and fitness. To safety which she had never done before so my job often so once we figure out what your values are we're going to help you link things up so you might realize making money or income isn't even a part of it but.

We can change things and link things. So I often have, say a man, let me give you an example. This is a great example, so many men in my office come in overweight, all out of shape, sickly, pre-diabetic or whatever, even cancer. It can be real bad. Oh gosh. Married with kids, incredible husbands, and incredible fathers. Their number one priority and for many men, their number-one value. And priority just means value, what's your number priority? It's the number value! What's most important? The thing you prioritize the most is your highest value mine used to be health.

that it was freedom as a child. And these, I'll leak it a little bit. We're going to get into this more. These values and priorities have stemmed from the voids you had in your childhood. So what was lacking and missing, you created as priority to fill, and that became your value. I was born sickly, almost died with a bar between my legs and couldn't walk and turn over. So health and freedom became very strong motivator. And my father was in prison. You think freedom might be a big deal for me? It kept love away from me, however.

Why I finally found Chip, it wasn't hard to happen because I shifted my value. I put love above freedom for the first time in my life. That's what happened. Okay? So it's really important you know what those top three values are. And if your spouses want to do this too, all the, I think that's incredible. It can be incredible conversations, incredible connection. Chance doesn't seem like, look at how much we're, no wonder we are winning in this area. No wonder, we struggle in the area because their values were so different.

So anyway, go back to the men. wealth, income and finance. It's like hunting and bringing home food to him. So he thinks this is the way I am a good husband. The way, I'm a father is I have to work and make money. They just say, what are we talking about? But the wife is over here. He doesn't have time with me. he doesn' care about me that the message is not the same. No, he does. What are you talking? I care more about her than anything in the world. I would die for her. I'm like, yeah, that's the problem.

She don't want you dying. This is the problems. So my job is to connect him giving a damn about his body and what he's eating and doing. So he can see that it's in his number one, let's say like number 1 or number 2 is protecting my family. And so money is what's there to him. I'm like, so now if I say I need you to be strong and fit so you can pick your kids up and run them out of a fire. If I can make the connection, then he says, oh, I never thought of it like that. So I completely changed his behaviors naturally because I've turned working out and getting muscle as connected to either making more money or protecting the family.

If I can connect it to that value, you'll be a better performer, make more. Oh, okay. You'll better father better. with men I often tell them I'll make their penis bigger and harder and they'll do almost anything. And I'm not kidding. I have to connect the behavior to their value. Sometimes we do have the change the values. So we'll get to that part. But it's all about that. That's the homework and that's why. Why some people are on their phone so much doing this Connection really is one of their top values, and they don't know any other way to do it except that.

Now, some people, it's entertainment. Entertainment might be, I have every week laid out what we're gonna do. We'll talk about, we'll do an exercise. This is a bigger one because, and it might a very new concept. I think people's lives would be rad, this is what I'll say. Why I'm talking about it, then I didn't talk this in the last courses explicitly, i've been asked a lot why How do you think you knew you could buck the system so young? What was it that happened? I go, I don't think anything happened.

I'm like, i just think somehow, some way,I don' take credit for it. Some gift of something. This soul that came through this little avatar in this time just did not struggle to listen to the soul. I just, at two and three, I'd just knew what I knew. I didn't care what adults told me.I didn' care about arguing. i didn''t need their approval.i didn ''tneed to please them. No. Or yes. Yeah, let's go. l just always knewwhat was true to me and it didn't mean I wouldn't falter and have some learning, but my system, I feel like this authenticity that people will see in me, or what, you know, that I, it's simply because I've let my soul drive me.

I didn' know that's what I was doing, didn''t understand it, just didn ''t fight it. And now I know what the terms are, understand the thing and I talk about it now what i did Now I had my conflicts with religion and spirituality and all

Examples of Values in Real Life 37:10

kinds of deep turmoil in childhood and doing all kind of things, exploring. And I've studied religions for decades and there was always being drawn into it and writing poetry about it. There was stuff, but that's what it is. I would listen to my knowing, to body, and I followed I didn't want to do it, I wasn't doing it. I don't like it! It doesn't feel good! I'm not doing! it I let it feels good, that must mean I was born to it Why? She's like a little boy, she plays ball. And luckily, I had a mother that never bought me brooms or vacuums or never made me do who I wasn't going to be.

She'd never, ever tried any of it, never me cook, and never make me to do it. Just how Stephanie doesn't do all that. Let her go watch football. As I said, let her watch the football with the boys. That's what she does. But she didn't make do do. It she did force me be what I was. So luckily I have that, but I'm just saying that's all it is. I think the people who get hit with it the most are the fawn response trauma people pleasers. Like it really is a struggle bus for that group of people. And it takes a little bit longer to unlock this, but you know what your values are by what you do.

My sister, incredible human, if she watched this she does not value work and finance, never did. She wanted to be a housewife, raise children, have a white picket fence. She knew it very young. That's what she wanted, to a mother. And it's still her highest value. Nothing wrong with that. So sometimes she would say that stuff to me. I'm like, Kim, what are you talking about? You're like super successful at what you care about. Now, we live in a world you need money, so let's figure that out for you, but you don't have to So what she saw as the oldest, the biggest void in her life was family structure.

I was eight years later. It was different. She watched her daddy go to prison. He just was gone. You understand? We saw different things. And so she just wanted a house with the light bill always paid and always food. And she could be home and have a husband that was home. They didn't go to prison. You see the difference? I watched a mother who was alone, independent, right? So I adopted a different thing than my sister did on what we've lacked the most. and what values, what we thought we needed to do to be, to fill that void.

And as you fill voids over your life, the values will change, right? Because a 10-year-old is not going to have the same value as a 16- year- old. A 16 year old's values are not a 26 year, and they shouldn't be. and a 50 year olds values probably different than when you were 26. But some things are tried and true. Health is, and I'm in a place I am questioning if health is even in my highest values anymore for the first time in life. So I m going through this process and as things have changed, like big events can change things.

I suggest this is an exercise you do at least once a year. Every quarter could be incredible, right? Something but atleast once year, all right. Dr. Remka, I just have one question. Yeah. Can you just give your words example to number nine about the internal dialogue? Oh, things that you talk about? It says, what do you have an internal dialog about most? Screw it, I'll just do it right now. What I internally dialogue about all the time is Chip. So what does that represent? Love and connection and work and finance.

Chip and I work together. And I love work and finance, right? So I have a lot of internal dialogues about stuff we did or stuff. We're going to that kind of thing. So let's say before this whole weird situation, I. Have a. Lot of. Internal. Dialogue. About. Courses about health topics. I talk to myself all the time about peptide content, believe it or not. I really do think about content and I'm like, oh yeah, I wonder if I should. And I talked out loud too, to my self all of the times. and even practice performing speeches and stuff.

They'll have whole conversations as if i'm doing it and it's their work related. Their usually work, health, stuff like that. Yeah. Thank you. I had any clarifying questions so you understand. If you're having it, please don't be afraid to ask because somebody else probably does too. Everybody's afraid ask questions sometimes because I don' want to look stupid. But I'd rather you know how to do it. So we are answering these questions to ourselves. We're not posting them anywhere. Right now you're just writing it all down.

And if you get stuck, I would love you to talk in the chat to each other and offer to help each. That could have been the question. I missed that. That's totally fine to do in the chat. Yeah, for me, it's blah, blah blah. Sometimes I do when I'm like, what you're when you know, when your driving, if you go on a long ride, I swear to God, the whole I have entire books I could write, sometimes I wish my mind could just have the hole thing just come out. I've had entire book download on 10 hour drive.

You don't want to really talk for 10 hours into your phone, you have seen some stuff like that. We've ever had that that's those are internal dialogues. And there's gonna be a topic that's very consistent, these same kinds of things you do. So you need to write it down. We need figure out what it is you're really spending your time doing. What is the value system? What's actually going on? That's why we're doing it. And then we'll work on it together.

Applying Values to Behavior Change 43:50

Like some of you, it'll be really obvious what the trends are. You're gonna notice trends. They're going to notice it and be like, there it I clearly value looking beautiful more than I value saving money. Duh, no wonder I don't have any money, because that's what I, that is what value. It's right in front of my face. I can act like I do not. There it is. And so you're like, then we're going to learn how to make that winning for you. Okay? We will discuss these things. We'll discuss your list. But it's not so important that you share any of that.

It's more you figuring, learning, these are my three values. You can do a little bit of coaching, but most of you will be able to see this yourself. you don't need to be processed to You just have to look at what's the reality. I feel like the first few really get it done, but sometimes there's certain situations we need all of them to be like, oh, okay. Could we're looking for the top three values? Many of your other values will be revealed, But I want the things that are prioritized the most. Whatever you spend all your time and money and is around you, that's what you value the Most.

Learning to discipline your mind, it's not easy. It's just not. But the values, self-determination is a step I skipped the last time, and I was changing and helping them find their values. When I saw it at the end, I'm like, oh, never really explained it. I should have explained that better. Let me explain it now. And we're going to do a whole thing. This in and of itself, even if you did this, it will change a lot of things about what you're doing. Imagine if people did it with their 10-year-olds.

They're 16-year-olds. You might be stunned to find out what they really value. And for them, they're really see what value, so sometimes we look at behavior and we don't understand what's driving it. Like for some, it's like the workaholic guy, but it coming from, I must protect my family. He just thinks that's the only, he doesn't know that there's another way And all I have to do is we had to just teach that. It's like, oh, I just have the hook connection with the pleasing your wife with connecting with time protects her.

He's, Oh, then I can, he's that I'm gonna do it. I didn't know. That was how it was. You know what I mean? So it's all you usually have do, is make a connection for people. They have see it themselves. Oh my gosh, never would have thought of it that way. Yeah. So I don't have change that he works a lot. but I just create another thing, another behavior. So there's, so she's happy too. And he knows she feels unsafe and he's like, and if I, as soon as I say that, And then they do like that's the last thing he wanted, but he didn't understand the beat.

That's all it is. Right? So that what I understand. so that way you guys, some of your behaviors are maybe not getting you what you want. you don't so some we will some of your values are going to change or at least your awareness of it you're going go oh that's what I'm valuing but the behavior is not actually it's coming from that a lot of people do things because it is like distracting and dissociating and numbing because they can't handle the thing there's all kinds of other things so anyway anyway we'll leave it at that all right Okay, cool.

I'll let you guys go. We went way too long. This is an interesting, bigger topic.