You’ve Tried Everything… Why Is Your Dysregulated Child Still Struggling?

Introduction to Regulation First 0:00

Let's go jump in, and I know those of you that know me, you know I'm Dr. Roseanne, of course. And as I always like to say, I make regulation and regulating kids and families easy. Because guess what? It's not so damn hard, people. I know if you've tried everything, most of us have. I've been there. You know, therapy, consequences, staying calm, gentle parenting, yelling at your kids, spanking. It's not illegal and people do it. People will come to me and tell me that they're doing it and I'm like, OK, it's, not working because it doesn't work.

We know this through research. But, you know. If you tried including also trying their diet and your kid is still struggling. I want you to hear this. It's not that nothing works because people come into me in dire straits and say nothing. Works. it's that the nervous system hasn't been addressed first or at all. And that is the missing ingredient into your beautiful sauce here, because so many of you are doing a lot of things and it's not sticking and we're going to talk about that. But when a child's brain isn't regulating, nothing is going stick.

And guess what? Maybe you're part of this mix and you really dysregulated. But when your kid is having a hard time, homework ends in tears or full shut down or the off on goal, my nice way of saying the F word, mornings are a nightmare and you're sitting in your bed thinking, what's going to happen today? Dr. Rowe's been there. Right? My pan's mom and you know, you just battling and, You know your child says I can't before you even they even try or they go from calm to like complete overwhelm in seconds and You have no idea why and your literally left thinking like why is everything so hard for them?

Like what's wrong with them should I try medication? Why isn't anything working? and what do I do and This is my everyday and I'm going to tell you about a kid I worked with named Thomas. And please know I always change everybody's like name and a little bit of their story so that they have privacy. But you know, it's good for you to understand. I mean, yes, I am always willing to share my story, but it is really helpful to see what other people did and didn't do, right? And to understands what's working.

So, you're Thomas was this like super sensitive, really smart kid. And, you know, but he got frustrated a lot and it always was derailing him. And the moment anything felt hard. Because that's how the lot of these smart kids are. He would flip out. I mean, it was zero to sixty. You know if he didn't get his way, he would just completely shut down. In overtime, that frustration turned into anxiety and that anxiety turned to avoidance. And he eventually just stopped trying all together. Stopped trying to go to school, stopped doing his homework.

And, you know, of course, that's where his parents, Joe and Natalie, where they got to me and they said to like, we're literally doing everything. We're going to therapy we were doing and nothing's working. And, you know, they talked to the school they had accommodations they like did a clean diet they were, You know being doing connected gentle parenting, following what everybody was saying that we're reading everything.

Thomasu2019s Story and the Missing Nervous System Piece 3:35

And you now they found this podcast that's what happened. And that's why I do this beautiful show. If you love my show, please leave me a review. It also helps Apple will push it out. Apple, if you can. And still every day, you know, they were constantly walking on eggshells and like they would feel like sometimes things like this is what people will say to me though. I'll say what works and they're like, I'm not really sure. What does that mean? And they are like we would see like a spark. And then it would disappear and it wasn't moving the dial.

I'm going to talk about that. And the hardest part, of course, is watching this kid just go from a loving, sweet, confident boy to zero self-esteem and zero confidence. That's pretty crushing. Here's what I told them. You're not doing anything wrong. you're trying to solve the behavior without trying to address the nervous system state first, right? That's not the order of what things work, that's why it's called regulation first. And let's talk about the science. This is the part most practitioners are missing and certainly you're full of baloney and cheese influencers who know nothing about this.

They don't have any clinical experience people, okay? Worked with thousands of people over three decades. I freaking know what works. Stop overthinking it and start doing. This is where people get stuck, especially my mamas. When the dads come into me, no offense, they are much more of a mobilizer. And there's a lot of right reasons why people getting mobilized, especially when you've tried everything. So when a child is dysregulated, that brain is asking, what should I do? It's also asking am I safe?

Which feels really hard for people to understand, like what does that mean? That means that their nervous system, their alarm center is taking over. The stress chemistry increases. Their thinking brain goes offline. And so what you're seeing or that defines anxiety to checking out really is actually a brain trying to survive, not succeed, because that's all it can do. And what is missing here is that deeper explanation that when a child stays in that state long enough, the nervous system will become conditioned to stay in that state.

I have an adult right now where this is what's happening. They literally have been in fight, flight, or freeze forever, and they believe that's where they're going to. That is not the case, right? And then they are like, should I do ketamine? Should I go to a treatment center? No. We're gonna chip away. And that brain starts to expect stress. even with little things like what do you want for breakfast or social situations? And, you know, these little thing are going to trigger the same response as if a robber was breaking into your home.

Because the nervous system isn't able to determine is this small or a big threat, it thinks everything is a threat. And I hope that's an aha moment. And certainly this is why you see patterns like low frustration tolerance, which is really tough or big emotional reactions or anxiety that just seems to be like snowballing. You're like, where's the end? I'm doing gentle parenting. All these things. Then they have school avoidance, all these thing. That is because the brain has learned this not safe.

It is in fight, flight or freeze. That's what it's doing. So the real question becomes, how do we change the brain's baseline state? Because all the strategies you've tried are assuming that it can access logic or coping skills or that your kid is flexible. And you may be misinterpreting that you're kid And they have that capacity, because guess what? At school, they can do it. At home, that's a whole other conversation. But a dysregulated brain can't access these skills, sometimes at all, and definitely not consistently.

And that is perplexing for a lot of you. And you start to think my kid is doing this on purpose. I promise you they're not, they don't like this either. Not saying kids never do anything on-purpose. Okay. Well, what I'm saying is the dysregulation once it's there and your brain gets acclimated, it going to move into that state all the time. We got to do something different. That's what my regulation first, my Regulation First parenting is all about. This isn't just about at home. We need to do something differently.

We are choking as a society, as world, and it's not getting easier in this climate of financial, political, social uncertainty. I'll leave it at that.

Why Dysregulation Drives Anxiety and Shutdown 9:00

Right? Whatever part, you know, this isn't, partisan politics, whatever is happening in the world is a stress that we all feel. I feel it. In the greater New York City area. It's a little scary around here. Just saying. But we have to build the brain's capacity first. And guess what? I want you to feel hopeful. Everybody's brain can build capacity. No, it's not a freaking magic wand or a pill. Okay, people, I don't want to hear it. Got a little something with somebody on LinkedIn about it, but everything else will start to work.

All the good things you're doing when you build capacity. Nervous system. Remember that stress cup. It's full. We got to take some of that water out. Let's talk about that. So I want. Talk about PEMF. You have a lot of questions about. I love P.M.F is personally changed my world. on so many levels. I literally had to go to acupuncture. The moment I started doing PEMF, it stopped going. That has been a long time ago. It works for kids who are really stuck. And it works with parents who're really struck.

Basically, you know, its working on the nervous system directly. So what is it? It's Pulsed Electromagnetic Field Therapy. Thats what it stands for. I want you to be really clear about this. And it is something different. It isn't a trend, it isn' a quick fix, and this is grounded in how the body and brain actually regulate. And if you haven't heard me talk about it before, PEMF was developed by NASA for the astronauts to make sure their cells were working properly. We'll get into that. But regulation doesn't just happen in the brain, It's not going to automatically happen.

It happens at the cellular level and every cell in the body communicates through electrical signals. And when the nervous system is dysregulated, those signals become, at a minimum, inefficient stress stuck in a pattern of overactivation. And that's what keeps a child or an adult stuck, fight, flight, freeze, or fawn, is that constant activation. And we, as you're thinking about that stress cop and that all these little things that drop in are causing our kids to overload, it is often not a single thing.

That is one of the biggest things parents come to me, what's the thing? It's not the things. Sometimes we know, like I had somebody come last week thinking it was one thing, SNFs. And that was what was keeping their nervous system completely dysregulated, despite amazing caregiving by an extended family. Who I love, who I hope you're here because I loved you, grandma. We're going to talk about what it is, how it works, because most of you don't. So basically, it's supporting the body at the cellular level.

It delivers a gentle electromagnetic Signal, ours is proprietary. Many of you are gonna have a lot of questions. It's under 200 Gauss. Know that I tested these protocols for about eight, eight and a half years in the center before we did our device. I'm not gonna trash talk any device, everyone likes to trash-talk devices. Ours is very unique because it is specifically designed for stress and anxiety, and then we have an infections and toxins one. They're all both going to help you with stress, anxiety, sleep, detoxification, common genetic mutations, because I built it and it is easy to use.

I'm doing this probably too early, but you literally just hit a button. There it goes. It says it's going to be OK. And there are six protocols of a one hour, two hour and eight hour length. You keep it close to your body and your comes with a fanny pack. Some people get like those phone holders that are patterned pad padded because you want to. Be careful you wanna treat this like a phone. and you're not going to drop it, you are not gonna put it in water because it will break. And this is creating a magnetic field around you and it's going regulate your nervous system, bring you in a parasympathetic state, whether you want to believe it or not, it is going happen.

It's gonna get those cells working and then it gonna improve detoxification, which is then lowering inflammation. Three of the biggest reasons why people struggle in mental health. But what is it doing? It's going to help your cells function better. It can improve communication and and really, I mean, again, reduce that inflammation in the brain and body that we are all facing. But I'm telling you, from all those brain maps, kids have a boatload of scary inflammation. They're just exposed to a lot more plastics than we are and we ever were in every single component.

And I almost never get kids that don't have some pretty significant inflammation, with exception of a few kinds of kids. But even then, you're seeing it more than I see in somebody 50, 60 or 70. It's not supposed to be there and it's there. And stress is causing kids to not detoxify properly. So when we regulate the nervous system, it can really shift into into that parasympathetic state, which is that state of healing,

How PEMF Supports Nervous System Regulation 14:45

regulation and learning occurs. Remember, if you're not regulated, those things are not going to happen, right? So that's where PEMF can be a tool. So most people forget that when you actually are looking at your child and you are thinking about what's going on, you aren't really thinking that their body is stuck in high alert and those reactions are intense. And that they can come out of stress because you're thinking, what's that stress? But their nervous system, right? When we pull it out, it's not going to constantly single signal danger because again, once it is activated, It just goes into this, where's the problem?

Where's a problem, Right? thinking there's a robber breaking in. That's the level of activation that occurs when your stress cup is full. So instead of really trying to manage the behavior on the surface, and I'm not saying behavior isn't important, I am saying the order is important. Because if we're caught like, you know, how many times have you like gone to a great therapist and you're like everybody goes to, Dr. Betty and it did nothing for us. Right. Because we're moving into these dysregulated states and it's keeping us stuck.

And when we change what's underneath it, everything works differently. and then anything else you've tried. And that's why things haven't worked. So when parents say, I've try everything, because they have, we are assuming the brain is ready, the nervous system is already, and it's not. We have to make it ready. When we go back to Thomas, what did we change? we changed how we were regulating his nervous system. And consistently, over time, things started to shift for him. He didn't react as much or as quickly or is long.

he stopped shutting down all the time.He started sleeping better. They didn' even realize sleep was the problem, but he was like, yeah, I'm sleeping bette.r And he started trying again. You know, remember, like the first time you know they asked him like whatever do you want to play Uno and he normally like And he was like, OK, and they tried to like his parents try to contain their excitement because they didn't want that to be a startle for him. And they were just out of their minds. It's the little things, people.

That's. The signs that things are shifting and. You know, like they felt like what they said to me is like, they have their kid back because he was a kid that was happy and some of our kids are always cranky. I understand. But when, you know we are, I don't know what's coming up for you and questions you have, please ask because I know this is a time when people start thinking differently, which is why you're here. And you know, we have to think about what will actually work. for our individual kids or you're probably thinking, I've already tried these things or what if it doesn't work?

So let me walk you through common questions. I'm going to ask anything. So first, PEMF is safe, gentle and non-invasive. If you have any type of magnetics, a pacemaker or shunt, it is not for you. And you can always get approval from hopefully your functional doctor. It is easy. You literally, like I stick, I have pants pockets on, and I turn it on. Anybody who's around, comes to the center, knows, you see it all the time. And it is like my go-to. Kids, people will say to me, we do have people who refuse to use it.

Why? Kids sometimes refuse do things because they are afraid to help people. And they've tried a lot and they're like, nothing works because of dancing because you've been regulating the nervous system. So some of our people put it on when kids are sleeping in different ways. But, you know, when we try to force the brain to do things when it's not ready, it is not going to to it and it needs to be regulating. And this is really about helping the Nervous System function in a way that it supposed to.

Okay, so people will say like, will this work for my kid? And in, you know, here's the honest answer. This isn't about a one size all fix. this is really about addressing the root issue that I see in everything, anxiety, pans, pandas, reactivity, show, shut down, tension problems, no diagnosis, just behaviors. And, it's really nervous system dysregulation. and when you support that, You're not changing the symptoms anymore. You are changing where those behaviors come from. BAM! So start thinking about that.

What are you doing to support your child's nervous system? What do you do to your own? And people often ask me, what if this doesn't work? So I hear that all the time. I'll hear it on the coffee talk. Because when you've tried everything, you're exhausted. You're afraid to hope again. And that's why I do all these things. Like I hope I'm purveyor of hope. constantly tell me that because I want you to feel hopeful. But you know, there's a difference that we need to talk about because everything you've assumed tried assumes your kid can access those skills.

And that's not what helps make those kills accessible. That's why this isn't about adding more. It's about doing things in that right order. And that's regulating first. My whole book, The Disregulated Kid, is about all the ways you can regulate yourself. We're really talking about kids where you've tried a lot and you're freaking scared because I've been there, people. You need something. You're hopefully getting a clearer picture of what kids and adults write or understanding, but let me tell you what you start to notice for most people.

Because again, I don't want you to paint this picture. There are some people where it's like people, you know, when we used to do this in the center, right? Watch them walk out and they were walking like, oh my God, this is a miracle. Because for some people it is because they love being in a parasympathetic state. They love that relaxed state and it really helps them make that shift. And especially when people are doing a lot of things, it makes that nervous system more apt. to have that flexibility.

Because remember, this isn't magic. It's a process. And the nervous system needs time to shift. We can't just dump out all the stress on the stretch cup, right? Because then we'd all be doing that. we have to gently pull things out. So what parents will notice is less reactivity. Again, the recovery being a little better, maybe transitions. Maybe they're not freaking out all the time. And it just starts to start moving a bit. Now, we don't ignore the behaviors.

Using PEMF Safely and What to Expect 22:05

We don' stop our therapy. This gives us the path for those things to work. Because again, your kid may or may not have been absorbing it. And everyone's different. Sometimes people regulate the nervous system and it's like all that good parenting and all of that stuff you've been doing just kind of sinks in. But for kids that have really been struggling for dysregulation for a long time, I don't find that. You have to continue with the behavioral part. However, it is going to be different and that's what happens in our brain behavior reset program is that there's that intensity of the wraparound.

And We need that. Not everybody does, right? But we know we have kids that are having a hard time. You really have to put some elbow brace. What happens is you start to see calm, more calm. Less exhausting, More connection with your kid from your end. And that's always exciting for my parents, Right? And even sometimes, again, this is not a device for kids. This is a devise for everybody. And we move away from being stuck. When you change that brain state, you're changing what's possible. I want you to think differently that what you're being told, all those things aren't really true because they don't have training in these things.

Now, some people do, and we're getting better at that, but we still are very much mental health, under medical, there's a pill for it. And that is the training that I got and all you continue to get. I have an intern, that's what she's getting, you know, in her very good program, I don't wanna knock it, who is getting any holistic training, integrative. Holistic means you're looking at all the pieces of the puzzle and you are offering different solutions. We don' abandon certain things, but you know what I'm gonna say about medication, developing brains never should ever have that be the first line of defense.

we know this. In the UK, they literally tell you not to medicate your kid before they're 18, there's research on it. But anyway, this is a nervous system tool that makes things easier because when your child's brain is capable, then what happens is you are going to see a kid who is more open to being flexible, more opened to talking about hard things or facing their OCD or are facing anxiety. We don't hide those things. Many parents get into the trap of getting into the avoidance cycle about these things.

And then that just blows up right in your face. So we have to regulate, we to address the behaviors, give coping skills, and these kids do amazing in life. We are focusing on what is happening right now as a child, as family, an individual, but we're also really building these beautiful skills that will serve them for everybody. So let's talk about our PEMF. And if you feel like your kid is stuck, I know there are questions that people have and I want to make sure that I answer. But if your kids reactive or anxious or shut down or just stuck.

I mean, and no diagnosis, clinical diagnosis. You know, I want you to hear this because your kid is not broken. They may or may not have a clinical diagnoses at all. And it may just be a nervous system really stuck in a red mode in the stress pattern that is causing them to stay there and not learn, not move. The body likes to regulate more. So this is just a great resource. And today, you know, it's, You can, literally order it and start using it. Let's talk about what age can you use PMF? Is there research?

First of all, there is research. We have a white paper on our page about it, as I mentioned, It was developed by NASA for the astronauts to improve their their body, their nervous system, and keep them in tip-top shape. You know, when you're supporting cell health, you are improving everything in the body. Your preventing cell division, You are keeping yourselves communicating healthy, clean, all the things that really help you not just live longer, but live better. So that you're active when you are older, which is why we definitely have a whole contingent of older folks who use this.

And part of why I use it all the time, but it is, you know, we have very young children using it. You should never let your child use on their own because it's an expensive device and I don't want people breaking it we want to make sure that you are using it safely with adult supervision and you know it is a is great tool and like I said it's very easy and just to run through it really quickly you turn the button on and it hold on one second I'm turning the wrong button because I I can't look at things backwards.

And you're able, it says it's going to be OK, tells your battery. This is developed in Europe. Yes, we were hit by terrible tariffs. It goes through six different protocols of one hour, two hour or eight hour. Somebody is asking how long can you wear it? We give you a manual and we explain it to you. You're starting low and slow. PEMF is very powerful in making you be regulated, number one. And number two, it is a very potent detoxifier. So a lot of us have a lots of toxins or infectious diseases like I do and you don't want it to kick you into a detox state too quickly.

So we like for people to start there's a sensitive setting, there is a normal setting and you know again we have all this information in both the portal and in an actual little guidebook but you're starting out in and hour and we always say do an hour every other day until you can build up And then people

Wrap-Up: Building Capacity and Staying Consistent 28:35

like me, I use mine for hours a day. Like, so in the morning, i'll use something to alert my brain. So the stress and anxiety has five protocols related to kind of calming. But then there's also a focus protocol. And so I might use the focus one and then on the infections and toxins, there is a brain fog one. Then later in a busy mind, I got it from my dad, Tony, and I will need to do either calm brain or calm thinking. Does this work for PDA kids? Nervous system regulation does not matter what it doesn't know what your clinical diagnosis is.

So kids with PDA, kids, with autism, Kids with a pans pandas, they're just going to have be prone way more to nervous system dysregulation. And so it's even more important for them to do that. What's the crux of pathological demand avoidance is anxious avoidant. We're anxious about something, so we avoid it. So when we reduce anxiety, we create more flexibility. You still have to come in with strategies, and I think you probably know that. But whatever strategies you are using, hopefully, for most people, start working better.

That's what we're seeing. And again, just to wrap it up on how long you wear this. Again, everyone's different. I have people who are wearing this, I've kids with PDA, have kids I have kids with, you know, more severe things like pants, pandas, and they're building up to easily wearing this eight hours a day, sometimes more. So everyone's unique. And then to answer your question about side effects, really the side-effects will one, anybody with a magnetic device like a pacemaker or a shunt can't use it.

But the effects are potentially being overly relaxed. I can't do the calm brain or calm body during the day. I'll be like thinking I'm on a cruise or something during day and then I lose my edge on everything, but I will do it at night. And then just too much of a detox effect. So we counter that by going low and slow, and that's important to go low and slow. Really important, to do that. And I mean, that really the side effects of it is potentially making you very relaxed. I know somebody like me, I want to be in a parasympathetic state.

But sometimes people with trauma, you know, have to be careful because they're not used to it. So we do it very consciously and slowly. But it is a wonderful tool. It's one of the only portable ones on the market. And this is the same strength and power as Matt's. This was developed from something you had to sit on and be in there and all that same strength. We just put in a portable device, which is why you need to keep it near your chest or your abdomen, because it's creating that field around you.

And ideally, we are staying at least three feet away from a phone or any type of Bluetooth device. You can certainly have it be a distance away. Do I 100% do that? No, but it's going to reduce the efficacy of it. But you know, I own it, so I use mine all the time. It might mean I need to do more of, it but certainly when we're dealing with like crisis situations, which we often are, many, of our OCD people use this and pans and people with depression, and they're really seeing a difference. Again, everyone is unique, consistency, really following, trying your best.

to eat brain foods, you know, healthy fats, lots of protein when you're struggling because it's supporting the nervous system. What time of day do you wear it? It really depends on what you want to do. So I want more of a focus than I use a focused protocol. If I wanna be more chill, then I used that later in the day. It depends what your outcome and what are you looking for. I'm that sensitive to it and many people are. I would say between 90-95% of people experience immediate calming. It doesn't mean those 5-10% people aren't going into a parasympathetic state.

they're just not able to recognize it. And that's something you work towards. There's a lot to say about that, but it's highly effective. It's easy. I made it because I had people, even with neurofeedback, that I couldn't get as far as I wanted to get in terms of amplifying their healing and helping the therapy work better and all these other things. I'm that sensitive to it and many people are. I would say between 90-95% of people experience immediate calming. And please remember, if you or your child is stuck, keep the faith.

Keep at it. Regulate first if your missing ingredient and why you're not moving forward. It is powerful. I've been doing it for three decades and it is what makes things different. Regulate and keep doing. You don't regulate one time, you keep going. And I do my regulation every day in multiple ways and its not so hard. Its like brushing your teeth. Add it in and that's what the book is all about. Gonna show you how to do it 10 minutes a day or less. But thank you everybody. I hope this was helpful and I wish everybody lots of regulation.

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