A Lean Body & A Sharp Clear Mind

Introduction to Hormones and Midlife Changes 0:00

Welcome back everybody. I'm your host, Doctor Betsy Greenleaf. And this is another amazing session of the solving sexual dysfunction Summit. And I'm very excited that we are going to be talking here with Doctor Lorraine Meda. And this is just going to be an awesome session. So thank you, Doctor Lorraine, for being with us today. I'm so happy to be here. So many people suffer from this. Yeah, I wanted it. Let me tell you, there are times I'm like, I think I'm having a midlife crisis, but. So you're saying midlife crisis is hormonal?

So I'm picturing like the men that all of a sudden, like, go out and buy the corvettes and the fancy car. Well, it's not just the men and it's the women. And, yeah, it was surprisingly, a lot of men find me for their wives, especially when they're perimenopausal. So the couple comes in and the husband said, you know her, she's wonderful. I love her, but her personality changed. And, you know, they they sit together. And then I describe what I generally see and not not that it's them, not that it's everybody.

But I say, you know, in midlife, women get more irritable. They don't sleep. They're, they're they're sort of snappy and they're in your face like rag, you know, and and then both of them are like. And the women say that to me. They say, I don't know. That just came out of my mouth. I didn't mean to. I didn't mean to say that. And then I feel guilty. I'm irritable and I'm tired, and I, I did something or said something and I'm like, oh, I feel really bad now. So they're they're both nodding their head.

So I don't know if anybody out there is no, you know, feels the same way because I've been doing this for over 30 years. Right. And then the men I see with the men, they don't have the wild hormonal swings that women have. Their hormones kind of decline, and they're like, I don't I just don't have that off anymore. And and that's when they go out and they buy the Corvette or they, you know, sometimes they have an affair or they'll go to the gym and pump up, but their hormones may decline, makes them withdraw the women's you make is in your face and it's pulling the relationships apart.

And when I describe this and I don't, it's not everyone. I get all the head nods and and this has happened hundreds, if not thousands of times, so that when I fix the woman, I also try to fix the men so that I've had people come together and say, oh my God, it's made us closer.

Mood Swings, Libido, and Relationship Strain 2:56

I feel like myself again. I got my life back. That is amazing. And then of course, a lot of times we're just like, oh, this is just what it's like. Or we're blaming the relationship on, you know, this, the snippy attacks and, or you're just like, all right, you know what? That's how it is. I'm getting older. Let's just accept it. There is no need to accept it, you know? And these hormonal changes are going to happen regardless. But suffering is optional. It's totally optional because, you know, I see the transformations every single day.

And, you know, when, when, you know, women in perimenopause, it's a little it's they're, they're different because they're, they're like in a rowboat in rough seas without oars, and they're bounced all over the place. So hormones are going all over the place, their moods are going all over the place. And, you know, I know with myself, when I, when I used to walk into the office, people would just like, say they duck. They know, like the parting of the seas. Everyone was like, yeah, like the Red sea.

And I don't know what she said, you know, even though, like, I always chose my words carefully, I always did the right thing because there is always a certain tone. Because when you haven't slept and you're tired and you're irritable, nothing comes out right, right. So I know in perimenopause, women feel so much calmer and so much better with a little bit of progesterone and menopause. Women describe. It's like somebody pulled the plug and, my energy drained and the world went from color to black and white and everything is blah, this dull gray.

I just don't feel like myself. And you know what? It doesn't have to be that way. With with men. It's like the the grumpy, grumpy old men, you know, syndrome. They also get irritable, but in, in a somewhat different way. You know, I was thinking I just I'm laughing because I was thinking about this and you don't realize how much how true this is until, like, I've recently went off my hormones because I was having a procedure. My doctor wanted me to be off the hormones, which doesn't make sense, but that's a whole nother story.

But I didn't even realize, like, all of a sudden I was like, it's like bitchy Betsy was back, and I was like, you know, like my husband. And then definitely sex was out the window, like that. I was I was too angry and to tired and to cranky to think about, like, trying to develop my relationship or even have sex. Yeah. And it hormones are very potent. Neuromodulators. They really work on the brain. So it's, you know, and I never forgot this slide that was shown to me when I first started learning about hormones.

They show a slide with men's hormones on off. Simple, right there. Either you know their testosterone is up or it's down. Easy, right? Women. Women. It's like an airplane cockpit. We have we have birth. We have pregnancy, we have perimenopause, we have menopause, we have PMS. It's it's it's all these bells and whistles and all these dials that it's it's so complex cated. And that's why men sex drive I mean they could be have dad and have a sex drive and women you know I say if you're stressed, if you're tired, if you ever have any anger or resentment, the first thing that goes is your your sex drive.

I don't know if you've seen that in your practice. Oh yeah, I see it all the time. And I remember a story where someone said to me, you know, Doctor Mehta, I, I came to you because of no sex drive. Everything else is better. I, I lost we I feel energetic, I'm happy, but I just don't have the sex drive. So we, you know, we had the heart to heart. I said, you know. And is there is it. You know, my relationship is good. I love my husband. It doesn't have to do with love. You know, over time, you know, I planted the seed because I can't figure it out.

I'm not in your house with you. Right? And she she finally came to the conclusion. She said, you know, I am angry and resentful towards him. He travels a lot, and when he comes home, he's too tired and he doesn't pay any attention to me, and that bothers me. So once, once that changed, things came back again. Three things came back again. So, you know, you have to kind of work through issues or let things slide over like a, you know, water off a duck's back because you hold on to things, you know, like, oh, he didn't take the garbage out again or, you know, little slights.

Detox, Sleep, and Vaginal Dryness 7:54

He left the toilet seat up or, you know, you let these little things bother you. It's definitely going to interfere with your relationships. You know, this is such a I love this message because there's so many times that people think, like when they're having these mid-life symptoms, whether it's low sex drive or it's like, you know, hot flashes or just like feeling blah. I so many people are like, I'm here because I want hormones, because the hormones are going to fix me. But it's not always just the hormones.

Right. And had a man come to me and he was, you know, his hormones were fine. And then he went to, you know, this special clinic, Austin and blah, blah, blah. And they they did something to him and he and it made his penis too hard and it wouldn't go down great. And it was scary. And I said, this is a medical emergency because you can strangulated, you know, I've seen it it priapism. So, you know, they go to any extent because they, they, they want their sex drive. But really it was some tension in their relationships.

And he called me back as I had to talk him off the ledge and tell him what to do. And finally came back and said, you know, you were right. It was we we had some tension and we worked it out and and things are really good again. And even men have, you know, they're not as sensitive as women sometimes. Well, depends on the man. You know, I can't make that generalization and I can't really make that generalization about the women either. But I see this over and over again. So if this resonates with any of you, I want to give you some ideas.

You are not alone. You are not alone. Yeah, that is so important. And I'm like, so what kind of things like should we be looking into when we're hitting midlife? And we're started like especially when we're under, you know, both male and female, we're getting cranky because our hormones are doing weird things and our bodies don't move and look the way they used to. And now our relationships are not the way they used to. And what I've put a lot on, you know, what advice would you have for people about those things?

Well, you're that's the typical thing that people come in for. So it's not putting a lot on me. You know, you on layer it. You know, you make you, you know, help people detoxify because you know what toxins really interfere with your hormones. And they make it makes everything worse and they make you gain weight. They're called obese again. Some of them especially herbicides, pesticides. They they interfere with your hormone system, your immune system and your nervous system. So all those things heightened anxiety or depression and weight gain that women are just like, I can't stand myself anymore.

Help me get rid of this belly fat rate. A lot of that has to do with toxins. So, I mean, I have a whole process that I, you know, help people detox first and decrease inflammation. Then I balance their hormones and we teach them lifestyle because, you know what? We we're all pushing ourselves. And I had this conversation with a patient the other day because she was feeling really guilty that, oh, I sometimes I take a nap in the afternoon and I shouldn't have to do that. I said, you know what? When I was a teenager, I took a nap in the afternoon.

It wasn't bad. Then when I was a young adult, I did it. We were all putting some things on ourselves like, oh no, that that means I'm getting old. No, you need to be rested to have sexual desire. You need to be rested to heal, to lose weight, to have energy, to have clarity, to stop these mood swings. So sleep is extremely important. And then I wanted to, tell, you know, mention you because, you know, a lot of women fear sex because of vaginal dryness. Oh, yes. That is you, you know, and and you can replenish the vagina with hormones.

And, I know that you've used some other pretty interesting things. So, you know, I know you're going to be sharing a lot of that on the summit, but the vaginal dryness is a total turnoff. I mean, it's, you know, once you have painful sex, it's your limbic system in your brain anticipates it, and then you just tighten up and you're, you're you're tense. And how you going to relax into orgasm and enjoying that lovely sexual act and orgasm. It's just it's really a wonderful thing. You know, the big oh it's important.

And there's health benefits to having orgasm too. It's not just not just for the fun. It relieves tension. And I have a little trick that I have some of my women do is I sometimes give testosterone vaginally and I say, put a little dab on your G-spot, and once in a while put a little dab on your clitoris. And you know what one of my patients said to me? Because if you put it on the clitoris all the time, you'll get clitoral enlargement, you know? But she said, oh, doctor Marta, I get orgasm like that, you know, and it really helps.

And it keeps a vagina moist. It doesn't grow hair there because some people have used topical. I know I had I had laser hair removal on my legs and I put topical testosterone there and all the hair was starting to grow back. And I said, oh, I spent all that money. So I realized if you get it, put it on the vagina and the vagina, not only does it lubricate the vagina, it enhances orgasm. You don't spread it to anyone and it won't grow hair there. So that that's one of my little tricks that people really, enjoy in more ways than one.

Yeah, that is great.

Testosterone, Cortisol, and Oxytocin 14:00

And that's for people to let them know. But when you coming to testosterone cream, that's usually has to be purchased through a practitioner, who is going to give you a prescription for, like a compounding pharmacy or because unfortunately, that's not one of the ones that we can get just over the counter in the United States. I don't know anywhere else if you're listening from someplace else. Yeah, it's a controlled substance in the United States. So this is a yeah. Yeah. No, no, it's been you know, it's been abused.

Yeah. And abused. But it's really, you know, women benefit from testosterone. I say, you know, gives you a sense of self-confidence and well-being. And, you know, it enhances your desire. But that's not the only hormone, you know. And that's when people say, just just give me testosterone. And, you know, it's the cortisol, the stress hormone. You know, you're like I said, you're stressed, you're tired, you're tired and wired. You're you're not going to be relaxed enough to have the desire and have the, the B go, you know, that's right.

That brings up you like hormones because you're like I said, a lot of people like come in and they think they know what hormones I should be on and really it's not as like cookbook as that. So like like the men are like, come in like I need testosterone. The women come in like I need them. Well, now they say testosterone. These are not always now they're like, I need estrogen or testosterone, but there's it's more than just that. So what have you found with the kind of the symphony of of, hormones that are out there?

Well, when the cortisol is up, your sex hormones are down. I mean, you know, the nervous system and the hormone system, you know, and the nervous system, you could be fight or flight or the other side of the nervous system is rest, digest, reproduce, repair, rejuvenate, regenerate. So you need if this cortisol tie, it's shutting all that down because you're you're running from a tiger, even though there are none where we're just constantly bombarded with stuff. And I see this a lot in men. I, I, you know, some actually I've actually had some men who said they didn't want testosterone, but when they I saw high cortisol brought the cortisol down, it was like the seesaw.

Testosterone came up and they were happy campers. And then the other side of the coin is, if you know, you go from stressed out to burnout, if the cortisol is flatline, you can't even get out of bed. These are the people with fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue, and I can't get out of bed. And life is miserable and I'm just not happy. So cortisol I test cortisol in absolutely every body because it's a switch that if you get that right, you get everything else right. Of course we mentioned testosterone.

And another one is oxytocin. That's your cuddle hormone. You know, I've seen this is why one of the tricks is you've got to get in the mood. You've got to have women need a lot of foreplay when you remember it's on or off, you know, and you almost have to ask for it. You know, cuddle a little bit first kiss, just have have your husband or your spouse or whoever or your significant other stroke you, and it gets that oxytocin going in it. It puts you in the mood and it it creates bonds. It really does.

Yeah. I think that's so important because especially if people I know, I talk to my friends and, and, and myself, you know, everybody gets in these busy schedules and they're, you know, they got, you know, work or kids or, you know, and then it gets like, it's almost like you're trying to fit the sex into the schedule too. And I like how you're like, you know, can you slow down like spend time touching because you can't be like, okay, well, it's 9:00 and we have it on the schedule. Let's go. But you actually do have to schedule time.

Like, you know, some people do date night where you you carve a space around that time so that you can relax, you can get in the mood. You you don't have to say, oh, oh, it's, you know, this is it. Slam bam. Thank you ma'am. You know, I'm doing my duty here. You know, like a lot of women say that. It's like, you know, I have to do it. And in and they almost, you know, feel like it's an obligation rather than a, purposeful act of mutual enjoyment and mutual pleasure. Yeah, I like that. I like that because, you know, there's.

And I've heard that before, too, especially from my female patients. And more so when Viagra actually came out was I had more women complaining about sex when Viagra came on the market. But I don't think that is a completely, a male, driven issue. I think it's a communication issue because if the one partner felt like they needed to go get the Viagra, and the other partner now is upset because they're like, oh, now I have to have sex like there's a lot of other things that need to be unpacked in there to get everybody on the same page. Yes.

You know, that's why, you know, building a relationship is is extremely important. And, and going back to what attracted you to the person in the first place and trying to rekindle the romance and, and create go. Maybe that's why date nights are important. You take yourself out of your environment, you get in the mood

Rebuilding Desire and Addressing Trauma 19:48

or you, you know, sometimes, you know, I tell people, women, sometimes you have to fake it till you make it. You have to masturbate, you know, get the juices flowing, get back on the bike. Because once you start experience seeing that and getting that, that desire, you get the desire back. And you do have to sometimes fake it to make it and then do things for stimulation. So, you know, it's it's important because you got to retrain your body. Yeah, I agree with you wholeheartedly because this is definitely something.

If you don't use it, you lose it like, I can't tell you how many times as a gynecologist I've gone into a room for a woman who, let's say is, you know, maybe divorced or maybe widowed and, is not using her lady parts. Yeah. And try and go and do an exam and not. No, not only not be able to get a speculum inside, but can't get, like, my pinky finger inside or the labia have kind of, like, shriveled up and gone away because the more you get stimulation to that area, whether it's with a partner with yourself, the more blood flow, the healthier the tissue is, the easier it is to be able to, get it like, use it like like awesome.

Here's another example. During the quarantine, I had a car used to drive that car all the time. During the quarantine, that car sat in my driveway. I went to go all of a sudden drive that car. I couldn't drive it. The brakes had rusted. Oh, no, it wasn't going anywhere. Well, I forgot how to go places, and I felt uncomfortable driving because it was the same thing. I've been doing telehealth and and it was it felt strange to drive again. And, you know, a lot of women are scared. They're very scared, especially if they haven't had relations with someone in a while. And like I said, they're divorced.

They're they're widowed. And, and and so that's why I say practice, but also dealing with past traumas, more traumas of some sort, you know, they had a bad experience or, you know, God forbid, rape or they've had some procedure in the area and it just triggers something. Dealing with past trauma is really important, and there are ways to do that. I know many people who help people with that. Now. That's such a great a great point too. And I you know, it's kind of this accumulation of I always go back to body, mind, spirit if we don't have balance in all three areas, yeah, nothing's going to work or things aren't going to work as well.

Right. And that's why why I tell people I use a vitality formula. I add what's missing. Like you need good nutrition to have energy right? You need a good, healthy God. Believe it or not, when I have people who have problems with their hormones, it's usually their gut, their gut, or their women or missing their gallbladder and and they can't processing. So I we have to deal with all of that. So if they're missing, bile salts or they're missing stuff to allow them to move their bowels, you know how many women are constipated, and then they have side effects from their hormones because they can't get rid of the breakdown products.

So, you know, so we add what's missing. We take away things like toxins. We make sure they get rest and sleep and exercise. You know, you need the whole picture. And and sex is in them. Starts in the mind. Yes. Whole mind body spirit. You know, that's maybe watch some romance movies or fantasize or visualize. Do whatever you need to do to get in the mood because it's if you've you have this feeling it's an obligation or you have the anger and resentment, you've got to deal with it in order to get your sexual desire back.

And if you've had past traumas, you have to deal with it to get your sexual desire back, because it will be a much more fulfilling life and a much closer relationship to to be able to bond to somebody and meet in that act of sheer pleasure. It should be sheer pleasure. Yeah, it's there's nothing like it. There's nothing like it. That's why I keep saying, like, I've had women who were like, it's not fair. Men have Viagra. Now my pleasure. Invention is not some magic pill.

Balancing Hormones for Energy and Pleasure 24:36

It's a blood flow pill. That's all it is. Like they can't come up with a horny pill. And don't nobody wait around for the horny pill because it's not coming. Because you got it all appear it's in the head and everybody's different. So that's why there would never be a pill to make. Put you in the mood. Because everybody has something different that puts in the mood. And this is where spending time with yourself and really, and delving into that imagination and, and and playing it's a, it's a, you know, it's a, it's actually played being playful to try to figure out what is it in my brain that works for me. So yeah, and it's not just testosterone and it's, you know, estrogen and progesterone have to be balanced when women are like, man, you know, they're in your face and perimenopause and they're anxious and irritable and snappy like PMS, very menopause.

It's usually a lack of progesterone. And, you know, in the younger women I give it herbals because that can help your stimulate your body. And older women, you know your ovaries are retired. You know, they're not going to make it no matter what you do. So you get progesterone. So you once you get that balance you feel good. And in menopause you know you're missing both. So you know estrogens are funny thing too much or too little you gain weight and then women don't feel good about themselves. And when they don't feel good about themselves, they don't want to be seen naked.

They don't want to have sex. So, you know, we get the hormones in balance and, you know, you can't forget the thyroid because thyroid is the most sensitive of all your hormonal glands. And you need it for energy, and you need energy to have sex and desire. And you know, you need to look at all the pieces of the puzzle in mind, body, spirit. This is amazing. I could talk to you about this forever, Lorraine, but where can people find out more information about you? The Feel Good Again institute.com.

I love that name. That is awesome. Yeah, you have to put the in front of it and institute at the back of it. Otherwise feel good again. Seems to be used other places, but it's the feel good again institute.com I love that. Well, thank you so much for taking the time to speak with us today. Well, thank you for inviting me. I want women to experience the pleasure and have their mojo back. That is great. So everybody stay, stay tuned, stick around. And because we got more amazing sessions coming right up.