Couples Who Stay Together Do This | The Longevity Protocol Ep. 35

Show Introduction 0:00

[Music] [Music] Welcome to the Longevity Protocol with Welcome to the Longevity Protocol with Welcome to the Longevity Protocol with Dr. Christina Bosch and Dr. John A. Dr. Christina Bosch and Dr. John A. Dr. Christina Bosch and Dr. John A. Robinson. We'll be your guides to Robinson. We'll be your guides to Robinson. We'll be your guides to uncovering the secrets to optimal uncovering the secrets to optimal uncovering the secrets to optimal health, better sex, and happiness. From health, better sex, and happiness. From health, better sex, and happiness. From debunking aging myths to exploring the debunking aging myths to exploring the debunking aging myths to exploring the science behind what it means to live the science behind what it means to live the science behind what it means to live the longevity protocol. We'll dive into a longevity protocol. We'll dive into a longevity protocol. We'll dive into a wide range of topics.

wide range of topics. wide range of topics. So get ready for an exhilarating journey So get ready for an exhilarating journey So get ready for an exhilarating journey in what it means to live well and feel in what it means to live well and feel in what it means to live well and feel your very best at any age.

Relationship Longevity Basics 0:40

How long have we been together? How long have we been together? >> Like as of this morning or you mean in >> Like as of this morning or you mean in >> Like as of this morning or you mean in our relationship? our relationship? our relationship? >> Really? Okay. In our relationship, hold >> Really? Okay. In our relationship, hold >> Really? Okay. In our relationship, hold on a sec. You think I would I'm asking on a sec. You think I would I'm asking on a sec. You think I would I'm asking that question?

that question? that question? >> I thought it was a romantic way of >> I thought it was a romantic way of >> I thought it was a romantic way of asking what time is it? asking what time is it? asking what time is it? >> Really? I gota I got to think about that >> Really? I gota I got to think about that >> Really? I gota I got to think about that uh and do that. uh and do that. uh and do that. >> How long have we been together, love? >> How long have we been together, love? >> How long have we been together, love? >> Yes.

>> Yes. >> Yes. >> 9 18. >> 9 18. >> 9 18. >> Hours and hours. We're just not long >> Hours and hours. We're just not long >> Hours and hours. We're just not long enough. enough. enough. >> The time flies. >> The time flies. >> The time flies. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> How many years have we been together? >> How many years have we been together? >> How many years have we been together? >> I would say 20 >> I would say 20 >> I would say 20 uh two. 22. uh two. 22. uh two. 22. >> That's a true story.

>> That's a true story. >> That's a true story. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> Good job. >> Good job. >> Good job. >> Wow. Yes. Um, that's what we're talking >> Wow. Yes. Um, that's what we're talking >> Wow. Yes. Um, that's what we're talking about today. So, what what do couples do about today. So, what what do couples do about today. So, what what do couples do in order to stay together 20 years, 30 in order to stay together 20 years, 30 in order to stay together 20 years, 30 years? How long have your parents been years? How long have your parents been years? How long have your parents been together?

together? together? >> Um, >> Um, >> Um, >> they've been married 54 >> they've been married 54 >> they've been married 54 >> 53 year 53 years. >> 53 year 53 years. >> 53 year 53 years. >> Married 53, but was it about a year or >> Married 53, but was it about a year or >> Married 53, but was it about a year or more or so before that? So, you know, more or so before that? So, you know, more or so before that? So, you know, over half of a century. over half of a century. over half of a century. I think that's just impressive. I think I think that's just impressive. I think I think that's just impressive. I think now just realizing we've been together now just realizing we've been together now just realizing we've been together for over two decades is Yeah. Yeah. We for over two decades is Yeah. Yeah. We for over two decades is Yeah. Yeah. We did good. Now we're doing good. I don't did good. Now we're doing good. I don't did good. Now we're doing good. I don't like the way you just said that.

like the way you just said that. like the way you just said that. >> What is that that thing that trend on >> What is that that thing that trend on >> What is that that thing that trend on social media of like with my current social media of like with my current social media of like with my current husband? husband? husband? >> Remember I showed it to you and you >> Remember I showed it to you and you >> Remember I showed it to you and you you're like, I don't think that's funny. you're like, I don't think that's funny.

you're like, I don't think that's funny. >> Yeah, I didn't like that. I don't like >> Yeah, I didn't like that. I don't like >> Yeah, I didn't like that. I don't like that that that >> I didn't think it I thought it was funny >> I didn't think it I thought it was funny >> I didn't think it I thought it was funny watching it, but I didn't like the watching it, but I didn't like the watching it, but I didn't like the concept either. concept either. concept either. Anywh who, yes, Anywh who, yes, Anywh who, yes, >> we're gonna talk about >> we're gonna talk about >> we're gonna talk about >> longevity in relationships.

>> longevity in relationships. >> longevity in relationships. >> Yeah. What do people do? What are some >> Yeah. What do people do? What are some >> Yeah. What do people do? What are some of the what's some of the research? What of the what's some of the research? What of the what's some of the research? What are some of the concepts behind that? are some of the concepts behind that? are some of the concepts behind that? What's our personal take on it? What What's our personal take on it? What What's our personal take on it? What have we personally done?

have we personally done? have we personally done? >> Um what's worked? What doesn't work? >> Um what's worked? What doesn't work? >> Um what's worked? What doesn't work? >> Um >> Um >> Um so I don't know what what would you say so I don't know what what would you say so I don't know what what would you say just generically, what would you say? just generically, what would you say? just generically, what would you say? >> Well, what makes someone stay together >> Well, what makes someone stay together >> Well, what makes someone stay together that long?

that long? that long? >> What I would say is >> What I would say is >> What I would say is >> And you have such a great role model >> And you have such a great role model >> And you have such a great role model with we have a great role model with with we have a great role model with with we have a great role model with your parents. Yeah. your parents. Yeah. your parents. Yeah. >> What would you say? I really do. Well, >> What would you say? I really do. Well, >> What would you say? I really do. Well, what I would say is that I think a lot what I would say is that I think a lot what I would say is that I think a lot of people think it's whatever works for of people think it's whatever works for of people think it's whatever works for you, but I don't think that's actually you, but I don't think that's actually you, but I don't think that's actually true. I mean, not only do I not think true. I mean, not only do I not think true. I mean, not only do I not think it, we're going to discuss that in it, we're going to discuss that in it, we're going to discuss that in today's episode. There are some today's episode. There are some today's episode. There are some fundamental consistencies in

Values, Goals, and Shared Vision 3:00

fundamental consistencies in fundamental consistencies in relationships that survive time and and relationships that survive time and and relationships that survive time and and survive isn't even the right word. No, survive isn't even the right word. No, survive isn't even the right word. No, that thrive that thrive that thrive >> through the years. And that doesn't mean >> through the years. And that doesn't mean >> through the years. And that doesn't mean that there aren't ups and downs, but that there aren't ups and downs, but that there aren't ups and downs, but they still thrive. So my number one they still thrive. So my number one they still thrive. So my number one comment to the audience is it's not just comment to the audience is it's not just comment to the audience is it's not just what works for you. There are some tips, what works for you. There are some tips, what works for you. There are some tips, there are some habits that help ensure a there are some habits that help ensure a there are some habits that help ensure a life well-lived with your partner.

life well-lived with your partner. life well-lived with your partner. Um having mentors in business is Um having mentors in business is Um having mentors in business is important. Having mentors in school is important. Having mentors in school is important. Having mentors in school is important. Having mentors in important. Having mentors in important. Having mentors in relationship is also important. relationship is also important. relationship is also important. >> Yeah. Uh speaking of mentor, my mentor >> Yeah. Uh speaking of mentor, my mentor >> Yeah. Uh speaking of mentor, my mentor would say you are the sum total of the would say you are the sum total of the would say you are the sum total of the five people you hang around with.

five people you hang around with. five people you hang around with. >> Correct. >> Correct. >> Correct. >> So if if the people you're maybe hanging >> So if if the people you're maybe hanging >> So if if the people you're maybe hanging around with if if you're in a around with if if you're in a around with if if you're in a relationship and you want to have the relationship and you want to have the relationship and you want to have the best possible relationship, are you best possible relationship, are you best possible relationship, are you hanging out with people that also at hanging out with people that also at hanging out with people that also at least are together and maybe thriving least are together and maybe thriving least are together and maybe thriving also in their relationship? I think also in their relationship? I think also in their relationship? I think that's important. Do those couples do that's important. Do those couples do that's important. Do those couples do those people share the same values, those people share the same values, those people share the same values, right, right, right, >> as you? And certainly speaking of >> as you? And certainly speaking of >> as you? And certainly speaking of values, I mean that's probably a values, I mean that's probably a values, I mean that's probably a foundational thing um when it comes to foundational thing um when it comes to foundational thing um when it comes to couples. Do you do you have do you share couples. Do you do you have do you share couples. Do you do you have do you share values together?

values together? values together? >> Are you striving and and do you have >> Are you striving and and do you have >> Are you striving and and do you have goals together? I think that's one of goals together? I think that's one of goals together? I think that's one of the most important things. That's the most important things. That's the most important things. That's certainly what's important for us. We certainly what's important for us. We certainly what's important for us. We have had goals. We have goals. We have have had goals. We have goals. We have have had goals. We have goals. We have goals on top of our goals and goals on top of our goals and goals on top of our goals and >> reassess, readjust. We have independent >> reassess, readjust. We have independent >> reassess, readjust. We have independent goals that we talk about that are still goals that we talk about that are still goals that we talk about that are still related to each other. We have goals related to each other. We have goals related to each other. We have goals that are absolutely combined. We have that are absolutely combined. We have that are absolutely combined. We have goals related to our children.

goals related to our children. goals related to our children. >> We have goals for children. We have >> We have goals for children. We have >> We have goals for children. We have goals, you know, for them. I mean, goals, you know, for them. I mean, goals, you know, for them. I mean, there's just goals are always around. there's just goals are always around. there's just goals are always around. We're always thinking about the future We're always thinking about the future We're always thinking about the future with it.

with it. with it. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Um, you actually said three things right >> Um, you actually said three things right >> Um, you actually said three things right in a row that was important. One of them in a row that was important. One of them in a row that was important. One of them was the people you surround yourself was the people you surround yourself was the people you surround yourself with. Uh, number two was about your with. Uh, number two was about your with. Uh, number two was about your values. And then number three was your values. And then number three was your values. And then number three was your goals. So, I don't want to forget those.

goals. So, I don't want to forget those. goals. So, I don't want to forget those. If you can help me not forget those. If you can help me not forget those. If you can help me not forget those. >> Oh, wait. I got to write this down. >> Oh, wait. I got to write this down. >> Oh, wait. I got to write this down. >> Well, or use your your memory, which I >> Well, or use your your memory, which I >> Well, or use your your memory, which I don't have. So, don't have. So, don't have. So, >> the pressure there.

>> the pressure there. >> the pressure there. >> Listen, I I'm writing them down, >> Listen, I I'm writing them down, >> Listen, I I'm writing them down, everybody, okay? Because I think it's everybody, okay? Because I think it's everybody, okay? Because I think it's important. Let me start with this idea important. Let me start with this idea important. Let me start with this idea of the five people you surround yourself of the five people you surround yourself of the five people you surround yourself with. And the idea that your couples with. And the idea that your couples with. And the idea that your couples that you hang out with should have that you hang out with should have that you hang out with should have values similar to you. Well, many of values similar to you. Well, many of values similar to you. Well, many of your friends are going to have values your friends are going to have values your friends are going to have values that are similar to you, but that's not that are similar to you, but that's not that are similar to you, but that's not the same thing as having values of the the same thing as having values of the the same thing as having values of the relationship that is similar to you.

Respect, Roles, and Partnership 5:30

relationship that is similar to you. relationship that is similar to you. >> I find and I believe from everything >> I find and I believe from everything >> I find and I believe from everything that I've read in research for this and that I've read in research for this and that I've read in research for this and you know, I think sometimes it's funny you know, I think sometimes it's funny you know, I think sometimes it's funny to to quote research. So, it's not to to quote research. So, it's not to to quote research. So, it's not really research. Let's say it's uh really research. Let's say it's uh really research. Let's say it's uh patterns reported. Okay? patterns patterns reported. Okay? patterns patterns reported. Okay? patterns reported in couples. When women hang out reported in couples. When women hang out reported in couples. When women hang out with women that talk crap on their with women that talk crap on their with women that talk crap on their husbands, they are more prone to talk husbands, they are more prone to talk husbands, they are more prone to talk crap on their husbands. And if you are crap on their husbands. And if you are crap on their husbands. And if you are constantly focusing on the negative of constantly focusing on the negative of constantly focusing on the negative of your partner, then you will start to see your partner, then you will start to see your partner, then you will start to see more and more the negative of your more and more the negative of your more and more the negative of your partner. So, it is a very important partner. So, it is a very important partner. So, it is a very important thing for women to recognize when you're thing for women to recognize when you're thing for women to recognize when you're out with your girlfriends. If they spend out with your girlfriends. If they spend out with your girlfriends. If they spend a lot of time putting down their a lot of time putting down their a lot of time putting down their husband, you may want to reconsider that husband, you may want to reconsider that husband, you may want to reconsider that relationship, that friendship relationship, that friendship relationship, that friendship relationship. That's obviously not a relationship. That's obviously not a relationship. That's obviously not a rule across the board. Sometimes you rule across the board. Sometimes you rule across the board. Sometimes you have a friend that's going through a have a friend that's going through a have a friend that's going through a particularly hard time or sometimes you particularly hard time or sometimes you particularly hard time or sometimes you have friends that are in the process of have friends that are in the process of have friends that are in the process of separating. But I'm talking about those separating. But I'm talking about those separating. But I'm talking about those relationships that are like, you know, relationships that are like, you know, relationships that are like, you know, we're in it for the long run, but all we we're in it for the long run, but all we we're in it for the long run, but all we do is talk smack on each other.

do is talk smack on each other. do is talk smack on each other. >> That is not a good relationship to be >> That is not a good relationship to be >> That is not a good relationship to be around. that has always been um so around. that has always been um so around. that has always been um so impressive for me and so important for impressive for me and so important for impressive for me and so important for me me me >> that you're that way. Yeah. Uh and and I >> that you're that way. Yeah. Uh and and I >> that you're that way. Yeah. Uh and and I would say, you know, gentlemen, uh you would say, you know, gentlemen, uh you would say, you know, gentlemen, uh you definitely want to be in a relationship definitely want to be in a relationship definitely want to be in a relationship with someone who with someone who with someone who >> she is your biggest fan or no, you are >> she is your biggest fan or no, you are >> she is your biggest fan or no, you are her biggest fan and vice versa because I her biggest fan and vice versa because I her biggest fan and vice versa because I I am your biggest fan. You are my I am your biggest fan. You are my I am your biggest fan. You are my biggest fan.

biggest fan. biggest fan. >> Am I saying that right? >> Am I saying that right? >> Am I saying that right? >> I don't know, but it sounds good to me. >> I don't know, but it sounds good to me. >> I don't know, but it sounds good to me. >> Make sure it's that way. goals and fans. >> Make sure it's that way. goals and fans. >> Make sure it's that way. goals and fans. >> Goals and fans. Fandom. Uh, real fandom. >> Goals and fans. Fandom. Uh, real fandom. >> Goals and fans. Fandom. Uh, real fandom. That's what it should be. I mean, and That's what it should be. I mean, and That's what it should be. I mean, and you know, men men need respect. They you know, men men need respect. They you know, men men need respect. They need respect. They need respect in need respect. They need respect in need respect. They need respect in certain ways almost more than they need certain ways almost more than they need certain ways almost more than they need love. It's how they they interpret that.

love. It's how they they interpret that. love. It's how they they interpret that. And that's just always been something so And that's just always been something so And that's just always been something so amazing about you is that you've been amazing about you is that you've been amazing about you is that you've been able to constantly um display respect able to constantly um display respect able to constantly um display respect for me uh whether privately, but for me uh whether privately, but for me uh whether privately, but certainly publicly. and you know you so certainly publicly. and you know you so certainly publicly. and you know you so for me you are you provide me status for me you are you provide me status for me you are you provide me status that's what I get from you um in among that's what I get from you um in among that's what I get from you um in among other things obviously but I'm getting other things obviously but I'm getting other things obviously but I'm getting that sort of status of saying wow look that sort of status of saying wow look that sort of status of saying wow look look what type of woman you have um and look what type of woman you have um and look what type of woman you have um and I think it's vice versa for sure that I think it's vice versa for sure that I think it's vice versa for sure that that's part of that that how I treat you that's part of that that how I treat you that's part of that that how I treat you >> publicly is something that provides you >> publicly is something that provides you >> publicly is something that provides you with status importance with status importance with status importance >> yeah I had seen a post that said um well >> yeah I had seen a post that said um well >> yeah I had seen a post that said um well I don't I I might mess this up because I don't I I might mess this up because I don't I I might mess this up because I'm not good with modern lingo, but it I'm not good with modern lingo, but it I'm not good with modern lingo, but it said something like, "Men, it's not the said something like, "Men, it's not the said something like, "Men, it's not the watch you wear, it's not the car you watch you wear, it's not the car you watch you wear, it's not the car you drive, it's it's not the shoes you use.

drive, it's it's not the shoes you use. drive, it's it's not the shoes you use. Your real flex is your wife." Your real flex is your wife." Your real flex is your wife." >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> I thought, "Isn't that so true?" >> I thought, "Isn't that so true?" >> I thought, "Isn't that so true?" >> And how she again most important >> And how she again most important >> And how she again most important accessory. accessory. accessory. >> Absolutely. And and yeah, your most >> Absolutely. And and yeah, your most >> Absolutely. And and yeah, your most important asset. That's you know, it it important asset. That's you know, it it important asset. That's you know, it it that is the thing that's going to help a that is the thing that's going to help a that is the thing that's going to help a guy move forward. And when you have that guy move forward. And when you have that guy move forward. And when you have that mentality of your wife being your most mentality of your wife being your most mentality of your wife being your most important asset, then you treat it like important asset, then you treat it like important asset, then you treat it like an investment. You invest in that an investment. You invest in that an investment. You invest in that person. You invest in them in person. You invest in them in person. You invest in them in emotionally, intellectually, spiritually emotionally, intellectually, spiritually emotionally, intellectually, spiritually depending on that person's love depending on that person's love depending on that person's love language. Hopefully, you understand language. Hopefully, you understand language. Hopefully, you understand their love language. You know, either their love language. You know, either their love language. You know, either you're showering them with gifts or acts you're showering them with gifts or acts you're showering them with gifts or acts of kindness or whatever it is. When you of kindness or whatever it is. When you of kindness or whatever it is. When you value your female, you are going to give value your female, you are going to give value your female, you are going to give to them. When you value your male, to them. When you value your male, to them. When you value your male, you're going to um like you're saying,

Intimacy and Emotional Connection 9:00

you're going to um like you're saying, you're going to um like you're saying, you're going to hold that space of their you're going to hold that space of their you're going to hold that space of their leadership and and their their manlyhood leadership and and their their manlyhood leadership and and their their manlyhood >> and that that's really important. You >> and that that's really important. You >> and that that's really important. You know, you said about the idea of the know, you said about the idea of the know, you said about the idea of the role model in my parents.

role model in my parents. role model in my parents. I know my my mom in particular would I know my my mom in particular would I know my my mom in particular would always say when we were little, uh let always say when we were little, uh let always say when we were little, uh let me think of how you say it in Spanish. me think of how you say it in Spanish. me think of how you say it in Spanish. She would say, you know, I I can't make She would say, you know, I I can't make She would say, you know, I I can't make you love me, but I c but I will demand you love me, but I c but I will demand you love me, but I c but I will demand you respect. That kind of a thing, you respect. That kind of a thing, you respect. That kind of a thing, right? And people might think that right? And people might think that right? And people might think that sounds harsh. I don't think it sounds sounds harsh. I don't think it sounds sounds harsh. I don't think it sounds harsh. I find myself repeating it to be harsh. I find myself repeating it to be harsh. I find myself repeating it to be honest with you. And I think her lesson honest with you. And I think her lesson honest with you. And I think her lesson was a very good one.

was a very good one. was a very good one. >> My parents taught me that if you are not >> My parents taught me that if you are not >> My parents taught me that if you are not respectful, you cannot love correctly. respectful, you cannot love correctly. respectful, you cannot love correctly. You cannot. And if a person says they You cannot. And if a person says they You cannot. And if a person says they love you but isn't respectful to you, love you but isn't respectful to you, love you but isn't respectful to you, that is not real love.

that is not real love. that is not real love. >> I think that's yeah, certainly with >> I think that's yeah, certainly with >> I think that's yeah, certainly with love, I think that is a a focus on love, I think that is a a focus on love, I think that is a a focus on I think that is a commentary to what's I think that is a commentary to what's I think that is a commentary to what's going on in our society that it's the going on in our society that it's the going on in our society that it's the respect, you know, we talk about that respect, you know, we talk about that respect, you know, we talk about that that respect even among enemies and you that respect even among enemies and you that respect even among enemies and you know, politeness that that's just not know, politeness that that's just not know, politeness that that's just not trit. It's uh the politeness concept is trit. It's uh the politeness concept is trit. It's uh the politeness concept is just not old-fashioned. I always just not old-fashioned. I always just not old-fashioned. I always remember the story of I think it was um remember the story of I think it was um remember the story of I think it was um no I don't think it was Jefferson I no I don't think it was Jefferson I no I don't think it was Jefferson I think it was George Washington that he think it was George Washington that he think it was George Washington that he would refer to his wife as Mrs.

would refer to his wife as Mrs. would refer to his wife as Mrs. Washington Mr. Washington. Washington Mr. Washington. Washington Mr. Washington. >> We used to do that. >> We used to do that. >> We used to do that. >> Yeah. And you know and now maybe that's >> Yeah. And you know and now maybe that's >> Yeah. And you know and now maybe that's a little bit of an extreme but maybe a little bit of an extreme but maybe a little bit of an extreme but maybe not. Maybe we need to learn more from not. Maybe we need to learn more from not. Maybe we need to learn more from this idea of structured politeness in this idea of structured politeness in this idea of structured politeness in order to channel into order to channel into order to channel into love. That it starts with that in order love. That it starts with that in order love. That it starts with that in order to reflect love and to understand love.

to reflect love and to understand love. to reflect love and to understand love. Well, you know, um, people used to do Well, you know, um, people used to do Well, you know, um, people used to do that when they were referring to their that when they were referring to their that when they were referring to their partners in public, but if it meant that partners in public, but if it meant that partners in public, but if it meant that he would say that to her when they were he would say that to her when they were he would say that to her when they were in private, like when he was talking to in private, like when he was talking to in private, like when he was talking to her, he would say, "Mrs. Washington."

her, he would say, "Mrs. Washington." her, he would say, "Mrs. Washington." >> Yes. Or Yeah. privately, publicly, even >> Yes. Or Yeah. privately, publicly, even >> Yes. Or Yeah. privately, publicly, even private. private. private. >> So, I mean, if you're doing that when >> So, I mean, if you're doing that when >> So, I mean, if you're doing that when you're in private, then I think there's you're in private, then I think there's you're in private, then I think there's something kind of romantic about that.

something kind of romantic about that. something kind of romantic about that. It's so claming her. And maybe a modern It's so claming her. And maybe a modern It's so claming her. And maybe a modern version of that is I'm not going to call version of that is I'm not going to call version of that is I'm not going to call you Dr. Robinson at home. Um because I you Dr. Robinson at home. Um because I you Dr. Robinson at home. Um because I don't want to. don't want to. don't want to. >> Lord Lord Robinson.

>> Lord Lord Robinson. >> Lord Lord Robinson. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> Uhhuh. >> Uhhuh. >> Uhhuh. >> Sure. >> Sure. >> Sure. >> But what I was going to say, which was >> But what I was going to say, which was >> But what I was going to say, which was real and and actually funny, is that I real and and actually funny, is that I real and and actually funny, is that I do call you husband. do call you husband. do call you husband. >> Yes, that's true. >> Yes, that's true. >> Yes, that's true. >> I say husband.

>> I say husband. >> I say husband. >> Right. >> Right. >> Right. >> Remember that? Yeah. That you got out of >> Remember that? Yeah. That you got out of >> Remember that? Yeah. That you got out of the suitcase. the suitcase. the suitcase. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> Husband. And I'll say wife. Yeah. >> Husband. And I'll say wife. Yeah. >> Husband. And I'll say wife. Yeah. >> Yeah. So, I I like that >> Yeah. So, I I like that >> Yeah. So, I I like that >> the kids will say that. >> the kids will say that.

>> the kids will say that. >> The kids will come to me and say, "You >> The kids will come to me and say, "You >> The kids will come to me and say, "You know, your wife is doing this thing. know, your wife is doing this thing. know, your wife is doing this thing. Your wife was doing this or your wife Your wife was doing this or your wife Your wife was doing this or your wife wants you." wants you." wants you." >> You mean they're tattletailing >> You mean they're tattletailing >> You mean they're tattletailing >> if they're doing that? Yeah. Right.

>> if they're doing that? Yeah. Right. >> if they're doing that? Yeah. Right. >> I'm often up to no good. >> I'm often up to no good. >> I'm often up to no good. But yes, I do think claiming claiming But yes, I do think claiming claiming But yes, I do think claiming claiming each other is important in public and in each other is important in public and in each other is important in public and in private. Yeah. private. Yeah. private. Yeah. >> Well, okay. >> Well, okay. >> Well, okay. >> Oh, you said okay. So, that was my >> Oh, you said okay. So, that was my >> Oh, you said okay. So, that was my comment about the five people. The comment about the five people. The comment about the five people. The values I want to mention.

I understand when you're dating before I understand when you're dating before you get married, you think you have you get married, you think you have you get married, you think you have shared values, but do you actually shared values, but do you actually shared values, but do you actually discuss them? Do you actually take the discuss them? Do you actually take the discuss them? Do you actually take the time to write down your values and then time to write down your values and then time to write down your values and then compare your notes with your partner? If compare your notes with your partner? If compare your notes with your partner? If this is your forever person, and this is your forever person, and this is your forever person, and honestly, if it's not your forever honestly, if it's not your forever honestly, if it's not your forever person, I don't know what you're doing person, I don't know what you're doing person, I don't know what you're doing dating so long. We've talked about this.

dating so long. We've talked about this. dating so long. We've talked about this. like yes, by all means go out and and like yes, by all means go out and and like yes, by all means go out and and meet people and have dinner with people, meet people and have dinner with people, meet people and have dinner with people, but that's not the same thing as but that's not the same thing as but that's not the same thing as spreading your intimacy, right? That spreading your intimacy, right? That spreading your intimacy, right? That that goes back to respect, I guess. Um, that goes back to respect, I guess. Um, that goes back to respect, I guess. Um, but if you think you've met your forever

Conflict, Tolerance, and Resilience 12:40

but if you think you've met your forever but if you think you've met your forever person, then you need to compare your person, then you need to compare your person, then you need to compare your values and you need to think not just values and you need to think not just values and you need to think not just right now, but for the future. Like, I right now, but for the future. Like, I right now, but for the future. Like, I know I don't want children right now. I know I don't want children right now. I know I don't want children right now. I don't want children either. Great. We don't want children either. Great. We don't want children either. Great. We have that in common, but I'm going to have that in common, but I'm going to have that in common, but I'm going to want kids. Are you taking that want kids. Are you taking that want kids. Are you taking that conversation to the next level? And then conversation to the next level? And then conversation to the next level? And then I'm gonna want kids. Okay, great. Well, I'm gonna want kids. Okay, great. Well, I'm gonna want kids. Okay, great. Well, when we have kids, what is our hierarchy when we have kids, what is our hierarchy when we have kids, what is our hierarchy of priority? Is it children first? Well, of priority? Is it children first? Well, of priority? Is it children first? Well, no. It should never really be children no. It should never really be children no. It should never really be children first. Their needs need to be met.

first. Their needs need to be met. first. Their needs need to be met. They're their like life needs need to be They're their like life needs need to be They're their like life needs need to be met. But as far as the energy of the met. But as far as the energy of the met. But as far as the energy of the relationship, you have to have for us relationship, you have to have for us relationship, you have to have for us obviously it's God and relationship. obviously it's God and relationship. obviously it's God and relationship. each other needs to always maintain each other needs to always maintain each other needs to always maintain the keystone, right? Is that how you say the keystone, right? Is that how you say the keystone, right? Is that how you say that? The keystone to the relationship that? The keystone to the relationship that? The keystone to the relationship so that you never flounder or that if so that you never flounder or that if so that you never flounder or that if you do waver a bit, it's easy to come you do waver a bit, it's easy to come you do waver a bit, it's easy to come back because you have that strong core, back because you have that strong core, back because you have that strong core, >> the foundation of it all.

>> the foundation of it all. >> the foundation of it all. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> Yes. I think um I think um I think um I think this foundation you mentioned I think this foundation you mentioned I think this foundation you mentioned God and I think that's those kind of God and I think that's those kind of God and I think that's those kind of conversations need to be had. uh early conversations need to be had. uh early conversations need to be had. uh early on there needs to be an understanding of on there needs to be an understanding of on there needs to be an understanding of how are you going to do that if that is how are you going to do that if that is how are you going to do that if that is in fact important for you and that's in fact important for you and that's in fact important for you and that's certainly uh important for us. What's certainly uh important for us. What's certainly uh important for us. What's interesting about that I I'll say we we interesting about that I I'll say we we interesting about that I I'll say we we have grown uh in our in our faith uh have grown uh in our in our faith uh have grown uh in our in our faith uh together um and we always had that together um and we always had that together um and we always had that foundation. We knew from the very foundation. We knew from the very foundation. We knew from the very beginning, but it has allowed us to beginning, but it has allowed us to beginning, but it has allowed us to evolve into our faith independently and evolve into our faith independently and evolve into our faith independently and definitely definitely definitely >> as a couple >> as a couple >> as a couple >> and as parents >> and as parents >> and as parents >> and as parents and and our influence to >> and as parents and and our influence to >> and as parents and and our influence to them. Yes. Because we always knew it was them. Yes. Because we always knew it was them. Yes. Because we always knew it was important to project faith to them, our important to project faith to them, our important to project faith to them, our faith to them. And then through that faith to them. And then through that faith to them. And then through that process, it just all became, process, it just all became, process, it just all became, >> you know, like a familial type of goal >> you know, like a familial type of goal >> you know, like a familial type of goal for us for us for us >> and uh it's it's strengthened. It >> and uh it's it's strengthened. It >> and uh it's it's strengthened. It certainly has uh for me as of late uh certainly has uh for me as of late uh certainly has uh for me as of late uh really powerfully in in our Lord and really powerfully in in our Lord and really powerfully in in our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. That is certainly Savior Jesus Christ. That is certainly Savior Jesus Christ. That is certainly what has strengthened me personally and what has strengthened me personally and what has strengthened me personally and what's what what's definitely helped us.

what's what what's definitely helped us. what's what what's definitely helped us. Um so Um so Um so >> you know it's important to mention the >> you know it's important to mention the >> you know it's important to mention the fact that we have passed on that value fact that we have passed on that value fact that we have passed on that value of faith and spirituality to our of faith and spirituality to our of faith and spirituality to our children because one of the conflicts children because one of the conflicts children because one of the conflicts that couples will often have as they get that couples will often have as they get that couples will often have as they get deeper into their years together is deeper into their years together is deeper into their years together is problems related with children. And one problems related with children. And one problems related with children. And one of the reasons is because parents will of the reasons is because parents will of the reasons is because parents will obviously love their children, but that obviously love their children, but that obviously love their children, but that doesn't mean they like them. So it's doesn't mean they like them. So it's doesn't mean they like them. So it's extremely important. I know Jordan extremely important. I know Jordan extremely important. I know Jordan Peterson talks about this a lot, right?

Peterson talks about this a lot, right? Peterson talks about this a lot, right? Isn't that the person that you quote Isn't that the person that you quote Isn't that the person that you quote where they say, I think it's Jordan where they say, I think it's Jordan where they say, I think it's Jordan Peterson, the idea of you have to like Peterson, the idea of you have to like Peterson, the idea of you have to like your children. your children. your children. >> Don't let your kids do anything that >> Don't let your kids do anything that >> Don't let your kids do anything that makes you not like them, makes you not like them, makes you not like them, >> right? Because loving them is not going >> right? Because loving them is not going >> right? Because loving them is not going to to to >> save conflict in the marriage. You must >> save conflict in the marriage. You must >> save conflict in the marriage. You must like them. As parents, you must enjoy like them. As parents, you must enjoy like them. As parents, you must enjoy your children. Otherwise, they really your children. Otherwise, they really your children. Otherwise, they really can become a great source of stress for can become a great source of stress for can become a great source of stress for the relationship. And that's that's sad.

the relationship. And that's that's sad. the relationship. And that's that's sad. A lot of people don't want to say those A lot of people don't want to say those A lot of people don't want to say those things. Those are like those hard truths things. Those are like those hard truths things. Those are like those hard truths people don't want to talk about. But if people don't want to talk about. But if people don't want to talk about. But if you're not on the same page as parents you're not on the same page as parents you're not on the same page as parents and if you're not respecting each other and if you're not respecting each other and if you're not respecting each other in front of the kids, you will have in front of the kids, you will have in front of the kids, you will have conflict that will cause an erosion to conflict that will cause an erosion to conflict that will cause an erosion to the relationship.

the relationship. the relationship. >> That was is that you you with your notes >> That was is that you you with your notes >> That was is that you you with your notes there? Uh did you cover the third one there? Uh did you cover the third one there? Uh did you cover the third one before I switch gears? Well, I think it before I switch gears? Well, I think it before I switch gears? Well, I think it was values and and goals. Well, goals is was values and and goals. Well, goals is was values and and goals. Well, goals is very important, but you you did mention very important, but you you did mention very important, but you you did mention that you listed all the goals that we that you listed all the goals that we that you listed all the goals that we have and the underlying and overlying have and the underlying and overlying have and the underlying and overlying and overlapping of goals.

and overlapping of goals. and overlapping of goals. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> Reassess them regularly. >> Reassess them regularly. >> Reassess them regularly. >> Regularly. Yeah. We do that all we >> Regularly. Yeah. We do that all we >> Regularly. Yeah. We do that all we certainly do it annually in in a in a certainly do it annually in in a in a certainly do it annually in in a in a more more more >> focused traditional uh ceremonial way >> focused traditional uh ceremonial way >> focused traditional uh ceremonial way the way we do it.

the way we do it. the way we do it. >> And it's important because it's not >> And it's important because it's not >> And it's important because it's not really about love. Correct. It's not really about love. Correct. It's not really about love. Correct. It's not love that keeps a relationship together. love that keeps a relationship together. love that keeps a relationship together. >> Yeah. Love is um love is not enough. >> Yeah. Love is um love is not enough. >> Yeah. Love is um love is not enough. It's just not enough. It's the spark.

It's just not enough. It's the spark. It's just not enough. It's the spark. It's uh in the end it brings you back. It's uh in the end it brings you back. It's uh in the end it brings you back. It can um make heal these types of It can um make heal these types of It can um make heal these types of things. But but the the the mechanism of things. But but the the the mechanism of things. But but the the the mechanism of it is not just as simple as love. It's it is not just as simple as love. It's it is not just as simple as love. It's all these other things we're talking all these other things we're talking all these other things we're talking about. Here's another thing. This is a about. Here's another thing. This is a about. Here's another thing. This is a a study from Harvard. 724 different a study from Harvard. 724 different a study from Harvard. 724 different couples who made it past 30 years. And couples who made it past 30 years. And couples who made it past 30 years. And it wasn't actually love, right?

it wasn't actually love, right? it wasn't actually love, right? >> It wasn't even, dare we say, sex, which

Faith and Spiritual Foundation 17:00

>> It wasn't even, dare we say, sex, which >> It wasn't even, dare we say, sex, which is so important for us and what we talk is so important for us and what we talk is so important for us and what we talk about with our with our patients. Um, about with our with our patients. Um, about with our with our patients. Um, and it wasn't even necessarily kids that and it wasn't even necessarily kids that and it wasn't even necessarily kids that that is the only glue for them. Um, I that is the only glue for them. Um, I that is the only glue for them. Um, I want to say though, I want to before we want to say though, I want to before we want to say though, I want to before we actually reveal what it uh mainly was, actually reveal what it uh mainly was, actually reveal what it uh mainly was, um, you know, sex, intimacy is extremely um, you know, sex, intimacy is extremely um, you know, sex, intimacy is extremely important. I think it's important to say important. I think it's important to say important. I think it's important to say that what intimacy actually means that what intimacy actually means that what intimacy actually means because it's beyond just simply sex or because it's beyond just simply sex or because it's beyond just simply sex or we just talk about penetration only when we just talk about penetration only when we just talk about penetration only when people think of the word sex. It is people think of the word sex. It is people think of the word sex. It is about sexuality with your partner and about sexuality with your partner and about sexuality with your partner and sharing those things. Um and that can sharing those things. Um and that can sharing those things. Um and that can have all kinds of mental, emotional and have all kinds of mental, emotional and have all kinds of mental, emotional and spiritual implications of what intimacy spiritual implications of what intimacy spiritual implications of what intimacy means. That's what needs to be means. That's what needs to be means. That's what needs to be maintained. Now that is what's actually maintained. Now that is what's actually maintained. Now that is what's actually in the research been more important than in the research been more important than in the research been more important than penetrative sex. think it kind of penetrative sex. think it kind of penetrative sex. think it kind of because real intimacy transcends age and because real intimacy transcends age and because real intimacy transcends age and >> in many cases disease processes right so >> in many cases disease processes right so >> in many cases disease processes right so if you're maintaining intimacy in if you're maintaining intimacy in if you're maintaining intimacy in whatever form and it should include some whatever form and it should include some whatever form and it should include some form of physical intimacy that could be form of physical intimacy that could be form of physical intimacy that could be just snuggling together I mean the just snuggling together I mean the just snuggling together I mean the statistics about healthy relationships statistics about healthy relationships statistics about healthy relationships when people snuggle together in bed is when people snuggle together in bed is when people snuggle together in bed is like really like really like really >> spooning >> spooning >> spooning >> really amazing um so yes so intimacy but >> really amazing um so yes so intimacy but >> really amazing um so yes so intimacy but intimacy is not the answer the answer is intimacy is not the answer the answer is intimacy is not the answer the answer is >> that well so that's the the asterk we >> that well so that's the the asterk we >> that well so that's the the asterk we always, you know, as the sex docks and always, you know, as the sex docks and always, you know, as the sex docks and and how important we think that is. Uh and how important we think that is. Uh and how important we think that is. Uh that's our asterct. But what really it that's our asterct. But what really it that's our asterct. But what really it is, it's the ability to ultimately is, it's the ability to ultimately is, it's the ability to ultimately tolerate those same things in each other tolerate those same things in each other tolerate those same things in each other over and over again.

over and over again. over and over again. >> I know. Which is so funny. How >> I know. Which is so funny. How >> I know. Which is so funny. How anti-romantic is that? What's the secret anti-romantic is that? What's the secret anti-romantic is that? What's the secret to a long marriage? Tolerance. to a long marriage? Tolerance. to a long marriage? Tolerance. >> Yeah. Right. Right. >> Yeah. Right. Right. >> Yeah. Right. Right. >> But but yes, >> But but yes, >> But but yes, >> like marathon runner. You got to be a >> like marathon runner. You got to be a >> like marathon runner. You got to be a marathon runner.

marathon runner. marathon runner. >> Yeah. That exactly. And what is the key >> Yeah. That exactly. And what is the key >> Yeah. That exactly. And what is the key to being a marathon runner? It's not to being a marathon runner? It's not to being a marathon runner? It's not training. It's your mindset. So actually training. It's your mindset. So actually training. It's your mindset. So actually that is so romantic. The ability to say that is so romantic. The ability to say that is so romantic. The ability to say I have the power within my mind to value I have the power within my mind to value I have the power within my mind to value this relationship above how freaking this relationship above how freaking this relationship above how freaking annoying you can be.

annoying you can be. annoying you can be. >> That's powerful. >> That's powerful. >> That's powerful. >> I'm sorry. You're saying I can be >> I'm sorry. You're saying I can be >> I'm sorry. You're saying I can be annoying. Is that what you're saying? annoying. Is that what you're saying? annoying. Is that what you're saying? >> I was speaking like in third person. >> I was speaking like in third person. >> I was speaking like in third person. >> No, really. I was. Although yes, >> No, really. I was. Although yes, >> No, really. I was. Although yes, >> I can be.

>> I can be. >> I can be. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> And And so how do you get past it? >> And And so how do you get past it? >> And And so how do you get past it? You're just like, I'm the marathon You're just like, I'm the marathon You're just like, I'm the marathon runner. get past this guy's no runner. get past this guy's no runner. get past this guy's no >> annoyancy. >> annoyancy. >> annoyancy. >> Annoyance. >> Annoyance. >> Annoyance. >> I remind myself >> I remind myself >> I remind myself the value of my relationship with you.

the value of my relationship with you. the value of my relationship with you. So, what does that mean? Because that So, what does that mean? Because that So, what does that mean? Because that doesn't sound very sweet, but actually doesn't sound very sweet, but actually doesn't sound very sweet, but actually it is. If you're just saying, I remind it is. If you're just saying, I remind it is. If you're just saying, I remind myself I love you. But no, that's not myself I love you. But no, that's not myself I love you. But no, that's not enough to get people past irritation.

enough to get people past irritation. enough to get people past irritation. It's about the mindset that is this It's about the mindset that is this It's about the mindset that is this really as irritating as it is beneficial really as irritating as it is beneficial really as irritating as it is beneficial and wonderful and good and vital and and wonderful and good and vital and and wonderful and good and vital and strong. I mean insert whatever word strong. I mean insert whatever word strong. I mean insert whatever word matters to you. That's how you get past matters to you. That's how you get past matters to you. That's how you get past an irritation.

an irritation. an irritation. >> The couples who divorced in this >> The couples who divorced in this >> The couples who divorced in this particular study, these 724 couples, particular study, these 724 couples, particular study, these 724 couples, they were thinking like, well, yes, this they were thinking like, well, yes, this they were thinking like, well, yes, this this habit drives me crazy, so I'm out. this habit drives me crazy, so I'm out. this habit drives me crazy, so I'm out. That it wasn't enough. they uh they That it wasn't enough. they uh they That it wasn't enough. they uh they couldn't get past all couldn't get past all couldn't get past all >> and they had these like fantasies of >> and they had these like fantasies of >> and they had these like fantasies of changing the person.

changing the person. changing the person. So that's a big issue. You cannot find a So that's a big issue. You cannot find a So that's a big issue. You cannot find a habit in in your in your husband or wife habit in in your in your husband or wife habit in in your in your husband or wife that annoys you and maintain the idea that annoys you and maintain the idea that annoys you and maintain the idea that you're going to change them. That that you're going to change them. That that you're going to change them. That is not correct. You can hope to inspire.

is not correct. You can hope to inspire. is not correct. You can hope to inspire. You can provide good communication. You You can provide good communication. You You can provide good communication. You can express your irritations, but you can express your irritations, but you can express your irritations, but you must be okay with the person as they must be okay with the person as they must be okay with the person as they are. Do not marry someone that has are. Do not marry someone that has are. Do not marry someone that has things that bother you already if you things that bother you already if you things that bother you already if you don't think you can live with it.

don't think you can live with it. don't think you can live with it. >> Yeah. You know, um we talk a lot about >> Yeah. You know, um we talk a lot about >> Yeah. You know, um we talk a lot about stress resilience. stress resilience. stress resilience. We talk about that in relationship to We talk about that in relationship to We talk about that in relationship to hormonal balances uh or imbalances that hormonal balances uh or imbalances that hormonal balances uh or imbalances that cause us to not have stress resilience.

cause us to not have stress resilience. cause us to not have stress resilience. And that in fact is uh one of the key And that in fact is uh one of the key And that in fact is uh one of the key skill sets that couples will have. They skill sets that couples will have. They skill sets that couples will have. They generally have stress resilience as it

Choosing the Right Partner 21:00

generally have stress resilience as it generally have stress resilience as it relates to their resilience within relates to their resilience within relates to their resilience within resiliency within the relationship resiliency within the relationship resiliency within the relationship itself. Um so I think that that's itself. Um so I think that that's itself. Um so I think that that's actually and this was again part of the actually and this was again part of the actually and this was again part of the study. Um they they have a quick study. Um they they have a quick study. Um they they have a quick emotional recovery emotional recovery emotional recovery um to whatever the conflict was. So it's um to whatever the conflict was. So it's um to whatever the conflict was. So it's how they're dealing with conflict that's how they're dealing with conflict that's how they're dealing with conflict that's so important. And we've practiced that.

so important. And we've practiced that. so important. And we've practiced that. we we continue to um practice what are we we continue to um practice what are we we continue to um practice what are the I don't know rules of conflict um as the I don't know rules of conflict um as the I don't know rules of conflict um as we move through it and we're always we move through it and we're always we move through it and we're always tweaking and making it better and tweaking and making it better and tweaking and making it better and >> and you're so good at this because um >> and you're so good at this because um >> and you're so good at this because um you know I'm not conflict avoidant you know I'm not conflict avoidant you know I'm not conflict avoidant >> you are the bull >> you are the bull >> you are the bull >> I am not I'm very like >> I am not I'm very like >> I am not I'm very like I even though I'm saying oh something I even though I'm saying oh something I even though I'm saying oh something that bothers me and then I just look at that bothers me and then I just look at that bothers me and then I just look at you and you know I'm filled with with you and you know I'm filled with with you and you know I'm filled with with conviction and that is true but the conviction and that is true but the conviction and that is true but the reality is that I I you know it can be reality is that I I you know it can be reality is that I I you know it can be very like poke the bear poke the bear so very like poke the bear poke the bear so very like poke the bear poke the bear so what this means is you have you have what this means is you have you have what this means is you have you have really guided this notion of healthy really guided this notion of healthy really guided this notion of healthy conflict resolution right you recognize conflict resolution right you recognize conflict resolution right you recognize it's not good because it isn't good to it's not good because it isn't good to it's not good because it isn't good to avoid conflict right isn't that that's avoid conflict right isn't that that's avoid conflict right isn't that that's one of the other things people who don't one of the other things people who don't one of the other things people who don't talk about the problem don't do well talk about the problem don't do well talk about the problem don't do well >> either away from it they shut down yeah >> either away from it they shut down yeah >> either away from it they shut down yeah >> but you're really good at saying okay >> but you're really good at saying okay >> but you're really good at saying okay we're going to talk about this then how we're going to talk about this then how we're going to talk about this then how are we going to talk about it? And let's are we going to talk about it? And let's are we going to talk about it? And let's put limits. Let's put limits to what the put limits. Let's put limits to what the put limits. Let's put limits to what the conversation is going to look like. It conversation is going to look like. It conversation is going to look like. It can't be this thing that we just beat it can't be this thing that we just beat it can't be this thing that we just beat it beat over and over again. And you've beat over and over again. And you've beat over and over again. And you've really taught me that notion of um how really taught me that notion of um how really taught me that notion of um how sometimes a person gets stuck in a sometimes a person gets stuck in a sometimes a person gets stuck in a pattern of conflict just because it pattern of conflict just because it pattern of conflict just because it gives you an emotional high.

gives you an emotional high. gives you an emotional high. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> You know, arguing, especially for women, >> You know, arguing, especially for women, >> You know, arguing, especially for women, makes them feel connected. makes them feel connected. makes them feel connected. >> And I think it'd be for guys. I I'll >> And I think it'd be for guys. I I'll >> And I think it'd be for guys. I I'll I'll share something here. Early on in I'll share something here. Early on in I'll share something here. Early on in our relationship, we would have our relationship, we would have our relationship, we would have I we could have a three or four hour I we could have a three or four hour I we could have a three or four hour discussion discussion discussion >> and it was like nothing.

>> and it was like nothing. >> and it was like nothing. >> Yeah. It would just be like go on and on >> Yeah. It would just be like go on and on >> Yeah. It would just be like go on and on and on and into the night and it you and on and into the night and it you and on and into the night and it you know they look at the clock and like how know they look at the clock and like how know they look at the clock and like how the hell are we here? Uh yeah, we uh the hell are we here? Uh yeah, we uh the hell are we here? Uh yeah, we uh it's not to say that we don't have long it's not to say that we don't have long it's not to say that we don't have long discussions, but we we've certainly discussions, but we we've certainly discussions, but we we've certainly >> those are like intense discussions.

>> those are like intense discussions. >> those are like intense discussions. >> Yeah, we or it would just it would be >> Yeah, we or it would just it would be >> Yeah, we or it would just it would be repetitive. repetitive. repetitive. >> It would be repetitive. There was no >> It would be repetitive. There was no >> It would be repetitive. There was no resolution. Yeah, it was just, you know, resolution. Yeah, it was just, you know, resolution. Yeah, it was just, you know, and there was a certain high we were and there was a certain high we were and there was a certain high we were getting out of it and obviously there getting out of it and obviously there getting out of it and obviously there was always this passion and this love was always this passion and this love was always this passion and this love and all of this that was going on with and all of this that was going on with and all of this that was going on with it. So, it. So, it. So, >> it always seemed worth it, >> it always seemed worth it, >> it always seemed worth it, >> right?

>> right? >> right? >> But now, >> But now, >> But now, >> and it was, but we've also matured. So, >> and it was, but we've also matured. So, >> and it was, but we've also matured. So, hopefully what what our listeners hopefully what what our listeners hopefully what what our listeners >> Well, it was, but not the a 4-hour >> Well, it was, but not the a 4-hour >> Well, it was, but not the a 4-hour discussion about, you know, the discussion about, you know, the discussion about, you know, the toothpaste cap, you know, off the toothpaste cap, you know, off the toothpaste cap, you know, off the toothpaste tube.

toothpaste tube. toothpaste tube. >> It was, but yeah. >> It was, but yeah. >> It was, but yeah. >> Okay. >> Okay. >> Okay. >> Okay. >> Okay. >> Okay. >> All right. >> All right. >> All right. It was not my memory on some of those It was not my memory on some of those It was not my memory on some of those 4-hour discussions. But anyway, uh yes, 4-hour discussions. But anyway, uh yes, 4-hour discussions. But anyway, uh yes, uh we we we've learned to put uh uh we we we've learned to put uh uh we we we've learned to put uh together. I mean, you know, and thanks together. I mean, you know, and thanks together. I mean, you know, and thanks for giving me some level of credit with for giving me some level of credit with for giving me some level of credit with that, but it was both of us coming up that, but it was both of us coming up that, but it was both of us coming up and agreeing and being sensible and and agreeing and being sensible and and agreeing and being sensible and reasonable even in the midst of our reasonable even in the midst of our reasonable even in the midst of our passion no matter.

passion no matter. passion no matter. >> Yeah. I mean, look, I always say to our >> Yeah. I mean, look, I always say to our >> Yeah. I mean, look, I always say to our kids, probably something else I learned kids, probably something else I learned kids, probably something else I learned from my parents, like, learn from my from my parents, like, learn from my from my parents, like, learn from my mistakes. Go ahead and make new ones. mistakes. Go ahead and make new ones. mistakes. Go ahead and make new ones. Like, don't trip over the same stone I Like, don't trip over the same stone I Like, don't trip over the same stone I tripped. I'm telling you this is a this tripped. I'm telling you this is a this tripped. I'm telling you this is a this is something we didn't do right. So as is something we didn't do right. So as is something we didn't do right. So as the listener by all means make the listener by all means make the listener by all means make >> do as I say and not as I do.

>> do as I say and not as I do. >> do as I say and not as I do. >> Yeah. Well, okay. That's not my point. >> Yeah. Well, okay. That's not my point. >> Yeah. Well, okay. That's not my point. My point is saying that to the listener My point is saying that to the listener My point is saying that to the listener here's something we've learned and it's here's something we've learned and it's here's something we've learned and it's resulted in 22 very productive and for resulted in 22 very productive and for resulted in 22 very productive and for in our case very joyfilled years. Um by in our case very joyfilled years. Um by in our case very joyfilled years. Um by all means make your own mistakes but try all means make your own mistakes but try all means make your own mistakes but try not to make this one because it's silly.

not to make this one because it's silly. not to make this one because it's silly. Those long conversations,

Practical Takeaways for Long-Term Love 24:30

Those long conversations, Those long conversations, maybe they gave us a high, but they maybe they gave us a high, but they maybe they gave us a high, but they exhausted us. And I do think people that exhausted us. And I do think people that exhausted us. And I do think people that can't break the pattern of excessive can't break the pattern of excessive can't break the pattern of excessive discussion without fruit just get tired. discussion without fruit just get tired. discussion without fruit just get tired. They get tired, they get worn out, and They get tired, they get worn out, and They get tired, they get worn out, and it becomes unfun.

it becomes unfun. it becomes unfun. >> So what we've done is we've matured in >> So what we've done is we've matured in >> So what we've done is we've matured in the nature of our conversations. We the nature of our conversations. We the nature of our conversations. We don't avoid them, but we also remember don't avoid them, but we also remember don't avoid them, but we also remember that there must be a purpose. There must that there must be a purpose. There must that there must be a purpose. There must be fruit at the end of the discussion.

be fruit at the end of the discussion. be fruit at the end of the discussion. And if we cannot agree on fruit, then And if we cannot agree on fruit, then And if we cannot agree on fruit, then we've gotten better at saying, okay, we've gotten better at saying, okay, we've gotten better at saying, okay, well, if we don't agree, then what at well, if we don't agree, then what at well, if we don't agree, then what at least are the parameters with respect so least are the parameters with respect so least are the parameters with respect so that we can move forward. That's wow, that we can move forward. That's wow, that we can move forward. That's wow, that's a great point and a segue to some that's a great point and a segue to some that's a great point and a segue to some of the other aspects of this study. Um, of the other aspects of this study. Um, of the other aspects of this study. Um, yes. Uh, the the strongest couples were yes. Uh, the the strongest couples were yes. Uh, the the strongest couples were not bonded by we have everything in not bonded by we have everything in not bonded by we have everything in common. They're bonded by we face the common. They're bonded by we face the common. They're bonded by we face the world together. So, yeah, we don't have world together. So, yeah, we don't have world together. So, yeah, we don't have to agree on everything. Um and to agree on everything. Um and to agree on everything. Um and everything's like this perfect kind of everything's like this perfect kind of everything's like this perfect kind of commonality. Yeah. It's just that we're commonality. Yeah. It's just that we're commonality. Yeah. It's just that we're going to nonetheless hold hands together going to nonetheless hold hands together going to nonetheless hold hands together as we move forward.

as we move forward. as we move forward. >> Yeah. And you know, one of the ways that >> Yeah. And you know, one of the ways that >> Yeah. And you know, one of the ways that couples successfully move forward in couples successfully move forward in couples successfully move forward in disagreements is by having a sense of disagreements is by having a sense of disagreements is by having a sense of roles. We were watching the old Ann of roles. We were watching the old Ann of roles. We were watching the old Ann of Green Gables.

Green Gables. Green Gables. >> Yeah. The one from the 80s. >> Yeah. The one from the 80s. >> Yeah. The one from the 80s. >> Yeah. Which is so good. >> Yeah. Which is so good. >> Yeah. Which is so good. >> So much better than the normal one. >> So much better than the normal one. >> So much better than the normal one. >> Yeah. Unfortunately, that like the Ann >> Yeah. Unfortunately, that like the Ann >> Yeah. Unfortunately, that like the Ann with an E. started off good and then with an E. started off good and then with an E. started off good and then anyway, but the old one was was was anyway, but the old one was was was anyway, but the old one was was was really cute. Now, um the the Cuthberts, really cute. Now, um the the Cuthberts, really cute. Now, um the the Cuthberts, was that their name? Cuthberts. Yeah.

was that their name? Cuthberts. Yeah. was that their name? Cuthberts. Yeah. So, they weren't married. They were they So, they weren't married. They were they So, they weren't married. They were they were brother and sister, but were brother and sister, but were brother and sister, but >> the aunt would say or the female would >> the aunt would say or the female would >> the aunt would say or the female would say, "Remember, we agreed say, "Remember, we agreed say, "Remember, we agreed >> that I was in charge of this domain."

>> that I was in charge of this domain." >> that I was in charge of this domain." >> Right? So, her brother would still give >> Right? So, her brother would still give >> Right? So, her brother would still give his opinions. In this case, it was about his opinions. In this case, it was about his opinions. In this case, it was about the girl, the an he would still give his the girl, the an he would still give his the girl, the an he would still give his opinions, but but because they had a opinions, but but because they had a opinions, but but because they had a clear sense of duties and roles and clear sense of duties and roles and clear sense of duties and roles and domain, they would defer to what the domain, they would defer to what the domain, they would defer to what the aunt felt. And usually because the aunt aunt felt. And usually because the aunt aunt felt. And usually because the aunt so greatly respected her brother's so greatly respected her brother's so greatly respected her brother's opinion, she would of course take his opinion, she would of course take his opinion, she would of course take his words into consideration and find that words into consideration and find that words into consideration and find that she would change her stance. But I think she would change her stance. But I think she would change her stance. But I think that's something we've done very well.

that's something we've done very well. that's something we've done very well. Much like in a business, who's in charge Much like in a business, who's in charge Much like in a business, who's in charge of what? Because you can't micromanage of what? Because you can't micromanage of what? Because you can't micromanage each other. That that's no good. But you each other. That that's no good. But you each other. That that's no good. But you must and you must give each other a must and you must give each other a must and you must give each other a respectful word. So if I'm in charge of respectful word. So if I'm in charge of respectful word. So if I'm in charge of X, Y, and Z and you're in charge of ABC, X, Y, and Z and you're in charge of ABC, X, Y, and Z and you're in charge of ABC, then we do through accordance and then we do through accordance and then we do through accordance and through agreement defer to each other.

through agreement defer to each other. through agreement defer to each other. >> Not everybody can uh do that. Uh but >> Not everybody can uh do that. Uh but >> Not everybody can uh do that. Uh but that's certainly that's certainly that's certainly a big big part of all of this. Um a big big part of all of this. Um a big big part of all of this. Um Oh yeah, that's what I was going to say Oh yeah, that's what I was going to say Oh yeah, that's what I was going to say that it's a it's a shared it's a shared that it's a it's a shared it's a shared that it's a it's a shared it's a shared goal. there's or or not just goal. We goal. there's or or not just goal. We goal. there's or or not just goal. We keep talking about shared struggle keep talking about shared struggle keep talking about shared struggle >> because whether >> because whether >> because whether >> you're saying longevity >> you're saying longevity >> you're saying longevity >> that the longevity in that relationship >> that the longevity in that relationship >> that the longevity in that relationship is based on meaning that underlying is based on meaning that underlying is based on meaning that underlying thing to be able to agree on and have thing to be able to agree on and have thing to be able to agree on and have parameters and these types of things parameters and these types of things parameters and these types of things roles whatever is based on some kind of roles whatever is based on some kind of roles whatever is based on some kind of struggle. So uh I mean that can happen struggle. So uh I mean that can happen struggle. So uh I mean that can happen in any relationship. Um if there's in any relationship. Um if there's in any relationship. Um if there's struggle you it can actually really struggle you it can actually really struggle you it can actually really really bring it can break you or it can really bring it can break you or it can really bring it can break you or it can bring you together. But we have found bring you together. But we have found bring you together. But we have found that we actually move ourselves into that we actually move ourselves into that we actually move ourselves into struggle. Um whether certainly we can struggle. Um whether certainly we can struggle. Um whether certainly we can say that regarding business. I mean say that regarding business. I mean say that regarding business. I mean we've done so many things from a we've done so many things from a we've done so many things from a business standpoint that definitely uh business standpoint that definitely uh business standpoint that definitely uh wasn't or isn't easy. Um but it's what wasn't or isn't easy. Um but it's what wasn't or isn't easy. Um but it's what brings us together for this common brings us together for this common brings us together for this common thing.

thing. thing. >> Um how do we continue to succeed through >> Um how do we continue to succeed through >> Um how do we continue to succeed through that? And that strengthens our that? And that strengthens our that? And that strengthens our relationship as relationship as relationship as >> I have I have um you know one of my dear >> I have I have um you know one of my dear >> I have I have um you know one of my dear friends I would say who has had a um a friends I would say who has had a um a friends I would say who has had a um a child with health concerns and and I child with health concerns and and I child with health concerns and and I have so greatly admired and been really have so greatly admired and been really have so greatly admired and been really impressed at how that challenge has impressed at how that challenge has impressed at how that challenge has brought that relationship closer and brought that relationship closer and brought that relationship closer and tighter and and it's like they are tighter and and it's like they are tighter and and it's like they are fortified fortified fortified >> because they have struggled through this >> because they have struggled through this >> because they have struggled through this together with great companionship. And together with great companionship. And together with great companionship. And that that's important to recognize that that's important to recognize that that's important to recognize because longevity is not dependent on because longevity is not dependent on because longevity is not dependent on ease. The path doesn't have to be easy ease. The path doesn't have to be easy ease. The path doesn't have to be easy for it to be successful and loving, for it to be successful and loving, for it to be successful and loving, right?

right? right? >> How do you think um how do you think >> How do you think um how do you think >> How do you think um how do you think faith plays a role with longevity in faith plays a role with longevity in faith plays a role with longevity in relationships? relationships? relationships? I was reading something about that, I was reading something about that, I was reading something about that, John. I was reading about John. I was reading about John. I was reading about happiness versus joy. I have to go back happiness versus joy. I have to go back happiness versus joy. I have to go back and read it and understand a little bit and read it and understand a little bit and read it and understand a little bit better.

better. better. But essentially the the person was But essentially the the person was But essentially the the person was talking about a life of struggles talking about a life of struggles talking about a life of struggles and and and the the interchange between the the the the the interchange between the the the the the interchange between the the the two people talking they were saying two people talking they were saying two people talking they were saying through prayer through prayer through prayer through prayer through prayer through prayer they have been able to find purpose and they have been able to find purpose and they have been able to find purpose and joy in their life even in the midst of joy in their life even in the midst of joy in their life even in the midst of sadness.

sadness. sadness. And I thought, yeah, I again that's And I thought, yeah, I again that's And I thought, yeah, I again that's that's I mean for us it's obviously one that's I mean for us it's obviously one that's I mean for us it's obviously one of our biggest tools, right? But it's of our biggest tools, right? But it's of our biggest tools, right? But it's it's one of the tools where you need to it's one of the tools where you need to it's one of the tools where you need to you need to be aligned on a bigger you need to be aligned on a bigger you need to be aligned on a bigger picture so that you can get through your picture so that you can get through your picture so that you can get through your trials and tribulations.

trials and tribulations. trials and tribulations. >> I have found one of the biggest gifts is >> I have found one of the biggest gifts is >> I have found one of the biggest gifts is being able to pray with you. Pray with being able to pray with you. Pray with being able to pray with you. Pray with you. Pray next to you you. Pray next to you you. Pray next to you with me praying what I'm praying and with me praying what I'm praying and with me praying what I'm praying and you're praying what you're praying.

you're praying what you're praying. you're praying what you're praying. being in the presence of one another in being in the presence of one another in being in the presence of one another in the midst of prayer has been um the midst of prayer has been um the midst of prayer has been um transformative. I think I think it it transformative. I think I think it it transformative. I think I think it it there's a special bonding that has there's a special bonding that has there's a special bonding that has occurred through that process. I'm still occurred through that process. I'm still occurred through that process. I'm still trying to figure it out. You know, the trying to figure it out. You know, the trying to figure it out. You know, the mystery of faith, the mystery of all of mystery of faith, the mystery of all of mystery of faith, the mystery of all of this. I'm still trying to figure it out.

this. I'm still trying to figure it out. this. I'm still trying to figure it out. I don't know if I ever will, but I know I don't know if I ever will, but I know I don't know if I ever will, but I know that there's something that solidifies that there's something that solidifies that there's something that solidifies things for me. It motivates me um things for me. It motivates me um things for me. It motivates me um regarding our relationship. It just it's regarding our relationship. It just it's regarding our relationship. It just it's it's a it's beyond cement for me it's a it's beyond cement for me it's a it's beyond cement for me >> and it's and it's joyous. There is a >> and it's and it's joyous. There is a >> and it's and it's joyous. There is a certain joy.

certain joy. certain joy. >> One of the most important part of of at >> One of the most important part of of at >> One of the most important part of of at least probably the predominant least probably the predominant least probably the predominant religions, but I'll speak about religions, but I'll speak about religions, but I'll speak about phalicism is that notion of hope for the phalicism is that notion of hope for the phalicism is that notion of hope for the afterlife. Right? So what you can insert afterlife. Right? So what you can insert afterlife. Right? So what you can insert whatever word you want in there, but for whatever word you want in there, but for whatever word you want in there, but for me it's this profound belief in what me it's this profound belief in what me it's this profound belief in what comes next. And that gives me so much comes next. And that gives me so much comes next. And that gives me so much hope and so much strength that when hope and so much strength that when hope and so much strength that when we're going through something difficult, we're going through something difficult, we're going through something difficult, I think this too shall pass. Like this I think this too shall pass. Like this I think this too shall pass. Like this will be fine. Let's just we now you need will be fine. Let's just we now you need will be fine. Let's just we now you need to do what you need to do. I have a a to do what you need to do. I have a a to do what you need to do. I have a a friend who's who's half Christian and friend who's who's half Christian and friend who's who's half Christian and half um half um half um Muslim. And she said Muslim. And she said Muslim. And she said her dad would always say, her dad would always say, her dad would always say, "You still need to tie your camel when "You still need to tie your camel when "You still need to tie your camel when you're praying to God. you you don't you're praying to God. you you don't you're praying to God. you you don't just leave the camel loose because it just leave the camel loose because it just leave the camel loose because it could wander away, right? Um and I could wander away, right? Um and I could wander away, right? Um and I think, well, yeah, and then you the think, well, yeah, and then you the think, well, yeah, and then you the Christian side, as her mom would always Christian side, as her mom would always Christian side, as her mom would always say, um God helps those who help say, um God helps those who help say, um God helps those who help themselves, right? It's the same concept themselves, right? It's the same concept themselves, right? It's the same concept that you still need to be an active that you still need to be an active that you still need to be an active participant. You can't you can't just participant. You can't you can't just participant. You can't you can't just sit back and and and say, "Let this sit back and and and say, "Let this sit back and and and say, "Let this happen to me." No, that's not what happen to me." No, that's not what happen to me." No, that's not what that's not the point because if you're that's not the point because if you're that's not the point because if you're doing that, then you're leaving your doing that, then you're leaving your doing that, then you're leaving your partner stranded.

partner stranded. partner stranded. >> If you're not working towards >> If you're not working towards >> If you're not working towards resolution, whatever the resolution is, resolution, whatever the resolution is, resolution, whatever the resolution is, it doesn't always have to be conflict. it doesn't always have to be conflict. it doesn't always have to be conflict. Sometimes it's just asset growth or or Sometimes it's just asset growth or or Sometimes it's just asset growth or or you know reminding your kid to brush you know reminding your kid to brush you know reminding your kid to brush their teeth. Like whatever whatever the their teeth. Like whatever whatever the their teeth. Like whatever whatever the resolution is, you need to work on it resolution is, you need to work on it resolution is, you need to work on it together. But if you do have the together. But if you do have the together. But if you do have the foundation of an aligned faith, then you foundation of an aligned faith, then you foundation of an aligned faith, then you have an easier time doing that.

>> Amen. >> Amen. So So So I mean what really uh how do you how do I mean what really uh how do you how do I mean what really uh how do you how do you summarize all of this you summarize all of this you summarize all of this >> for longevity of relationships? >> for longevity of relationships? >> for longevity of relationships? >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Number one is I think you got to pick >> Number one is I think you got to pick >> Number one is I think you got to pick the right partner. You have to pick the the right partner. You have to pick the the right partner. You have to pick the right partner.

right partner. right partner. Um I was a young girl once when I said Um I was a young girl once when I said Um I was a young girl once when I said to my friends, "Nice guys are a diamond to my friends, "Nice guys are a diamond to my friends, "Nice guys are a diamond dozen." dozen." dozen." They really didn't like that I said that They really didn't like that I said that They really didn't like that I said that and I was like really I just think it's and I was like really I just think it's and I was like really I just think it's so wise. It's like wise behind my ears.

so wise. It's like wise behind my ears. so wise. It's like wise behind my ears. But you know what was my point? My point But you know what was my point? My point But you know what was my point? My point >> what do you mean by nice guy now? And >> what do you mean by nice guy now? And >> what do you mean by nice guy now? And what do you mean by that? what do you mean by that? what do you mean by that? >> She was dating a guy that really had >> She was dating a guy that really had >> She was dating a guy that really had very little to offer her and the very little to offer her and the very little to offer her and the relationship and she was old enough to relationship and she was old enough to relationship and she was old enough to be be be we were in our early 20s. So I think we were in our early 20s. So I think we were in our early 20s. So I think when you're in your early 20s if you're when you're in your early 20s if you're when you're in your early 20s if you're going to be considering a 5-year going to be considering a 5-year going to be considering a 5-year relationship dating some guy you get relationship dating some guy you get relationship dating some guy you get close to the end of your 20s it's a long close to the end of your 20s it's a long close to the end of your 20s it's a long time to dedicate to a relationship that time to dedicate to a relationship that time to dedicate to a relationship that doesn't really serve you. So I was doesn't really serve you. So I was doesn't really serve you. So I was saying nice guys are a dime a dozen.

saying nice guys are a dime a dozen. saying nice guys are a dime a dozen. they were early enough in the they were early enough in the they were early enough in the relationship where I felt I can say relationship where I felt I can say relationship where I felt I can say that. And she's like, "Oh my god, that. And she's like, "Oh my god, that. And she's like, "Oh my god, Christina." And I was like, "Well, it's Christina." And I was like, "Well, it's Christina." And I was like, "Well, it's true, but you can insert whatever word true, but you can insert whatever word true, but you can insert whatever word in there. You can insert sexy guys are a in there. You can insert sexy guys are a in there. You can insert sexy guys are a dime a dozen. You know, guys who drive dime a dozen. You know, guys who drive dime a dozen. You know, guys who drive nice cars are a dime a dozen." That's nice cars are a dime a dozen." That's nice cars are a dime a dozen." That's not really the thing that is going to not really the thing that is going to not really the thing that is going to make a good partner. What is the thing make a good partner. What is the thing make a good partner. What is the thing that is going to make a good partner is that is going to make a good partner is that is going to make a good partner is number one, are you clear on your number one, are you clear on your number one, are you clear on your values? And then number two, are they values? And then number two, are they values? And then number two, are they clear on your values? and do you agree?

clear on your values? and do you agree? clear on your values? and do you agree? So my first summary is pick wisely based So my first summary is pick wisely based So my first summary is pick wisely based on a value system and that includes your on a value system and that includes your on a value system and that includes your faith. faith. faith. >> Okay. >> Okay. >> Okay. >> Okay. Number two would be remember that >> Okay. Number two would be remember that >> Okay. Number two would be remember that being in love all the time is not the being in love all the time is not the being in love all the time is not the same thing as having love and respect same thing as having love and respect same thing as having love and respect for your partner. And more importantly for your partner. And more importantly for your partner. And more importantly is love and respect and value for the is love and respect and value for the is love and respect and value for the relationship.

relationship. relationship. So longevity is going to take you So longevity is going to take you So longevity is going to take you through that 10 year anniversary, 20 through that 10 year anniversary, 20 through that 10 year anniversary, 20 year anniversary, 50 year anniversary year anniversary, 50 year anniversary year anniversary, 50 year anniversary because you have value for the unit. because you have value for the unit. because you have value for the unit. And then I would say number three, which And then I would say number three, which And then I would say number three, which we didn't talk about, is you've got to we didn't talk about, is you've got to we didn't talk about, is you've got to take life with a great focus on laughter take life with a great focus on laughter take life with a great focus on laughter and sunshine and good food and and sunshine and good food and and sunshine and good food and recognizing that even when you're in the recognizing that even when you're in the recognizing that even when you're in the middle of struggle, there is hope that middle of struggle, there is hope that middle of struggle, there is hope that this will pass. And that hope has to be this will pass. And that hope has to be this will pass. And that hope has to be based on what makes life worth living.

based on what makes life worth living. based on what makes life worth living. >> That's just beautifully said. Wonderful >> That's just beautifully said. Wonderful >> That's just beautifully said. Wonderful summary. Thank you. Would you add? summary. Thank you. Would you add? summary. Thank you. Would you add? >> I would not. >> I would not. >> I would not. >> Very good. >> Very good. >> Very good. >> I love you. >> I love you. >> I love you. >> I love you, too. >> I love you, too. >> I love you, too. >> Are you liking what you're hearing? Do >> Are you liking what you're hearing? Do >> Are you liking what you're hearing? Do you want to hear more?

you want to hear more? you want to hear more? >> Are you loving this great content? And >> Are you loving this great content? And >> Are you loving this great content? And do you want to ask us a question? do you want to ask us a question? do you want to ask us a question? >> Please like, subscribe, and comment. >> Please like, subscribe, and comment. >> Please like, subscribe, and comment. >> You can find all of our links on our >> You can find all of our links on our >> You can find all of our links on our social media, featured articles, social media, featured articles, social media, featured articles, basically everything we cover at basically everything we cover at basically everything we cover at Linkree, Longevity Protocol Pod.

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notes for today's episode. notes for today's episode. >> And finally, if you're ready to make a >> And finally, if you're ready to make a >> And finally, if you're ready to make a change, a real change in your own life, change, a real change in your own life, change, a real change in your own life, feel free to check us out at our private feel free to check us out at our private feel free to check us out at our private practice at hormonezone.com.