Dating in the Wild – Midlife Dating Actually Teaches You About Yourself

Podcast Introduction and Mission 0:00

Welcome to Hotness, the podcast that brings you practical tools to balance your hormones and rekindle connection, confidence, and desire in midlife and beyond. I'm your host, Dr. Liz Lister. Hotners is a safe space for honest conversations about menopause, sex, identity, love, loss, reinvention,and desire, because you can embrace your hotness at every age. Welcome, Hot Ones, to the first installment of the recurring series, Dating in the Wild. Here I am in midlife, dating again. That was not my plan, that is not what I set out to do.

So if you're someone who thought you would never be out there dating, again, or are you still attractive, are still desirable,

Returning to Dating in Midlife 0:55

the answer is absolutely. It is a little bit wild out, there, however. I am here to share with you first today about my own experience getting back into the dating world, and then we'll have some fun going forward in other segments. I'm a women's health doctor, but I also a woman in midlife dating again. My husband passed away in 2024. And in 2025, I, after doing a lot of internal grief recovery work and all the other things that I did to process that incredible grief, which doesn't mean the sadness goes away 100%, but I got to the point where I wanted to venture out into the dating world again, even people who are partnered.

I recommend going out on dates, having that kind of fun and aliveness and vitality in your relationship. I think that most of us want that. And it really brings home for me that hotness is not theoretical. It is in the body. Obviously, I was dealt this hand where I really did not think I would ever have to date again.

Confidence, Desire, and Self-Reconnection 2:25

But here I am. And midlife does that. It asks us to re-enter life in a lot of ways that we didn't plan. Kids leave, then they come back. Job changes. Family constellations change. There's a LOT that happens. and that happens to us in midlife. And so here we are. One of the surprising things has been hearkening back or what evokes memories in me of my teenage years, because I was a total nerd when I a teenager. So I at a party not very long ago and someone started talking to me and kept talking It was one of those moments where you're like looking over your shoulder like, me?

You talking to me. It very funny. And yes, this person was interested. it was a very interesting thing to be looked at with interest. and it made me realize that confidence, renewing confidence is an ongoing process. Midlife especially can shake our confidence, right? Our body changes, libido can change, emotions can, change the level of vulnerability that we want to have can. So confidence at this age is more embodied and less performative. In fact, I wrote that in my online dating profile. I write, presence is more important than performance.

And I had people actually thank me for putting that line in there, because everybody goes through this self-doubt. So it's a real opportunity to reconnect with yourself when you realize that other people are having the same concerns. We're all always working on rebuilding confidence, and I think that's wonderful characteristic to build, especially for dating. Of course, there's been some funny stories. I've actually met wonderful people and actually made friends during the process. But I remember one story, one person that I met through the online dating and my age.

Dating Stories and Setting Boundaries 5:00

And he did say a lot in his profile. He just had pictures of himself really happy doing various outdoors activities, things that I also like to go do, hiking, skiing, that type of thing. And then, of course, it lists interests and there was some overlap in the interests. But so I wrote to him and I said, hello. And I said, you didn't say very much in your profile. So he proceeded to write back this very long dissertation all about himself. And then he put his email, put full name, his e-mail and his cell phone number.

I thought to myself, I'm not sure he totally understands how this is supposed to go. Like, not quite that quickly to all the personal information. I thought it was pretty cute. Uh, and we did meet for coffee and it's a lot of fun. And we'd become friends. Another fun aspect of dating in midlife is that desire is different. It's less urgent, right? The biological push is less urgently and that's more about discernment, which is really quite fun, So that's not the desire is not there, but it's more selective.

I am a firm believer, as you know, in hormone replenishment, very helpful, for emotional stability and feeling good, and also to have your body respond to all the efforts that you make to keep yourself in shape and to be happy with how your bodies doing. Another aspect is in midlife, you know this, we tolerate less nonsense, okay? At least hopefully, all right? I'll talk more about that in other segments of this dating in the wild. But I remember in my 20s and even into my 30s, oh my good Lord, the things that I rationalized away, So it's not that I never ever do that now, but I catch myself much more quickly.

And stop rationalizing and stop excusing and not tolerating nonsense. It's a fun practice in midlife dating. Of course, as you know, my work as a women's midlife health expert, everything that I talk about applies to me. I talked about this with the women that work with, all the different hormone replenishments, just about everything I've used with my patients,

Looking Ahead to Dating Guidelines 7:50

I have used at one point or another myself. And it has helped me, it helps me with keeping my body in shape and feeling good and comfortable with intimacy and connection. It's all very important, it's very different to go on a date when you feel good in your body versus when ya don't. Things go a lot better. And last for now, It seems like it is about finding the other person. But amazingly, It is also or maybe even more about reconnecting with yourself, loving yourself. Finding your own worth, your on value.

This has been a huge learning experience mostly about myself and my own value, how to meet other people, look for someone to be in partnership with, but without the pressure, without urgency. I can be selective. It is really quite fun. I will be sharing with you in the next installment of Dating in The Wild, the guidelines that I came up with, I started writing notes as soon as I was getting back into dating. And some of them include things that observed about my own reactions. So I'm excited to share those with.

You I know a lot of people out there have the rules. No, these won't be rules, but they will guidelines. And I had fun writing them down and I will look forward to sharing those with you in the next installment of Dating in The Wild. Thanks for listening to Hotness. Help more women find these practical tools by liking, sharing, and following the show as well as leaving a review. As a gift for listening, go to drlizmd.com forward slash hotness for your free midlife guide filled with powerful support for you mind, body and soul because you can embrace your hotnes at every age.