Full Transcript Podcast Introduction and Mission 0:03 Welcome to Hotness, the podcast that brings you practical tools to balance your hormones and rekindle connection, confidence, 0:10 and desire in midlife and beyond. 0:13 I'm your host, Dr. 0:14 Liz Lister. 0:15 Hotners is a safe space for honest conversations about menopause, sex, identity, love, loss, reinvention,and desire, because you can embrace your hotness 0:28 at every age. 0:30 Welcome, Hot Ones, to the first installment of the recurring series, Dating in the Wild. 0:39 Here I am in midlife, dating again. 0:42 That was not my plan, that is not what I set out to do. 0:47 So if you're someone who thought you would never be out there dating, again, or are you still attractive, are still desirable,
Returning to Dating in Midlife 0:56 the answer is absolutely. 0:58 It is a little bit wild out, there, however. 1:01 I am here to share with you first today about my own experience getting back into the dating world, and then we'll have some fun going forward in other segments. 1:14 I'm a women's health doctor, but I also a woman in midlife dating again. 1:21 My husband passed away in 2024. And in 2025, I, after doing a lot of internal grief recovery work and all the other things that I did to process that incredible grief, 1:41 which doesn't mean the sadness goes away 100%, but I got to the point where I wanted to venture out into the dating world again, 1:52 even people who are partnered. 1:55 I recommend going out on dates, having that kind of fun and aliveness and vitality in your relationship. 2:03 I think that most of us want that. 2:06 And it really brings home for me that hotness is not theoretical. 2:12 It is in the body. 2:18 Obviously, I was dealt this hand where I really did not think I would ever have to date again.
Confidence, Desire, and Self-Reconnection 2:26 But here I am. 2:28 And midlife does that. 2:30 It asks us to re-enter life in a lot of ways that we didn't plan. 2:36 Kids leave, then they come back. 2:39 Job changes. 2:41 Family constellations change. 2:44 There's a LOT that happens. 2:47 and that happens to us in midlife. 2:50 And so here we are. 2:54 One of the surprising things has been hearkening back or what evokes memories in me of my teenage years, because I was a total nerd when I a teenager. 3:07 So I at a party not very long ago and someone started talking to me and kept talking It was one of those moments where you're like looking over your shoulder like, 3:20 me? 3:20 You talking to me. 3:23 It very funny. 3:24 And yes, this person was interested. 3:27 it was a very interesting thing to be looked at with interest. 3:31 and it made me realize that confidence, renewing confidence is an ongoing process. 3:42 Midlife especially can shake our confidence, right? 3:44 Our body changes, libido can change, emotions can, change the level of vulnerability that we want to have can. 3:57 So confidence at this age is more embodied and less performative. 4:06 In fact, I wrote that in my online dating profile. 4:09 I write, presence is more important than performance. 4:14 And I had people actually thank me for putting that line in there, because everybody goes through this self-doubt. 4:24 So it's a real opportunity to reconnect with yourself when you realize that other people are having the same concerns. 4:35 We're all always working on rebuilding confidence, and I think that's wonderful characteristic to build, especially for dating. 4:43 Of course, there's been some funny stories. 4:47 I've actually met wonderful people and actually made friends during the process. 4:51 But I remember one story, one person that I met through the online dating and my age.
Dating Stories and Setting Boundaries 5:03 And he did say a lot in his profile. 5:06 He just had pictures of himself really happy doing various outdoors activities, things that I also like to go do, hiking, 5:13 skiing, that type of thing. 5:15 And then, of course, it lists interests and there was some overlap in the interests. 5:19 But so I wrote to him and I said, hello. 5:22 And I said, you didn't say very much in your profile. 5:26 So he proceeded to write back this very long dissertation all about himself. 5:31 And then he put his email, put full name, his e-mail and his cell phone number. 5:37 I thought to myself, I'm not sure he totally understands how this is supposed to go. 5:42 Like, not quite that quickly to all the personal information. 5:47 I thought it was pretty cute. 5:49 Uh, and we did meet for coffee and it's a lot of fun. 5:52 And we'd become friends. 5:56 Another fun aspect of dating in midlife is that desire is different. 6:03 It's less urgent, right? 6:06 The biological push is less urgently and that's more about discernment, which is really quite fun, So that's not the desire is not there, 6:19 but it's more selective. 6:22 I am a firm believer, as you know, in hormone replenishment, very helpful, for emotional stability and feeling good, and also to have your body respond 6:37 to all the efforts that you make to keep yourself in shape and to be happy with how your bodies doing. 6:48 Another aspect is in midlife, you know this, we tolerate less nonsense, okay? 6:57 At least hopefully, all right? 6:59 I'll talk more about that in other segments of this dating in the wild. 7:06 But I remember in my 20s and even into my 30s, oh my good Lord, the things that I rationalized away, So it's not that I never ever do that now, 7:17 but I catch myself much more quickly. 7:22 And stop rationalizing and stop excusing and not tolerating nonsense. 7:30 It's a fun practice in midlife dating. 7:37 Of course, as you know, my work as a women's midlife health expert, everything that I talk about applies to me. 7:44 I talked about this with the women that work with, all the different hormone replenishments, just about everything I've used with my patients,
Looking Ahead to Dating Guidelines 7:53 I have used at one point or another myself. 7:56 And it has helped me, it helps me with keeping my body in shape and feeling good and comfortable with intimacy and connection. 8:11 It's all very important, it's very different to go on a date when you feel good in your body versus when ya don't. 8:19 Things go a lot better. 8:23 And last for now, It seems like it is about finding the other person. 8:28 But amazingly, It is also or maybe even more about reconnecting with yourself, loving yourself. 8:40 Finding your own worth, your on value. 8:45 This has been a huge learning experience mostly about myself and my own value, how to meet other people, look for someone to be in partnership with, 9:03 but without the pressure, without urgency. 9:10 I can be selective. 9:16 It is really quite fun. 9:19 I will be sharing with you in the next installment of Dating in The Wild, the guidelines that I came up with, I started writing notes as soon as I was 9:29 getting back into dating. 9:32 And some of them include things that observed about my own reactions. 9:37 So I'm excited to share those with. 9:39 You I know a lot of people out there have the rules. 9:42 No, these won't be rules, but they will guidelines. 9:46 And I had fun writing them down and I will look forward to sharing those with you in the next installment of Dating in The Wild. 9:58 Thanks for listening to Hotness. 10:00 Help more women find these practical tools by liking, sharing, and following the show as well as leaving a review. 10:07 As a gift for listening, go to drlizmd.com forward slash hotness for your free midlife guide filled with powerful support for you mind, 10:18 body and soul because you can embrace your hotnes at every age.
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