Ep66 | Holding the Calm with Hesha Abrams

What if the key to resolving conflict wasn’t winning, but learning how to hold the calm?

In this engaging conversation, Dr. Lee Sharma welcomes Hesha Abrams, a master mediator who has resolved thousands of high-stakes disputes, from corporate battles involving Google, Amazon, and Apple to the secret recipe for Pepsi. Drawing on decades of experience and her book Holding the Calm, Hesha shares why most of us in healthcare tend to avoid or accommodate conflict, how the amygdala hijacks even the smartest professionals, and why so many conflicts boil down to a simple dynamic: people trying not to lose rather than trying to win.

Together they unpack practical, immediately usable tools: the power of asking questions instead of making statements, the four-step VUCS method (Validate, Understand, Clarify, Summarize), the surprisingly effective technique of simply naming an emotion, and the disarming sentence stems that can shift even the most difficult people. Hesha also explores how holding the calm is contagious, why a few seconds of genuine curiosity can prevent years of fallout, and how laughter, awe, and a little “bacitracin on the railroad tracks of life” make the whole process sustainable.

This episode offers clinicians concrete skills they can use on their next shift, whether with a frustrated patient, a stressed colleague, or a high-ego administrator, and a powerful reminder that becoming better at conflict is one of the most practical acts of self-preservation and leadership available.

Three Actionable Takeaways:

• Shift from “winning” to “not losing”: Most conflict is driven by fear of looking bad, making a mistake, or being forced into something. Recognizing that the other person is primarily trying not to lose lowers the temperature and opens new options for resolution.

• Ask questions and name the emotion: When the amygdala is triggered, statements escalate; questions and simple emotion-naming (“You seem really frustrated”) calm it. These two moves take seconds and often change the entire dynamic.

• Practice holding the calm as a skill, not a personality trait: Like flossing or putting bacitracin on a wound, small consistent practices like curiosity, validation, looking for the miraculous, compound. The result is fewer conflicts, stronger relationships, and less emotional residue at the end of the day.

About the Show:

 Behind every procedure, every patient encounter, lies an untold story of conflict and negotiation. Scalpel and Sword, hosted by Dr. Lee Sharma—physician, mediator, and guide—invites listeners into the unseen battles and breakthroughs of modern medicine. With real conversations, human stories, and practical tools, this podcast empowers physicians to reclaim their voices, sharpen their skills, and wield their healing power with both precision and purpose.

About the Guest:

Hesha Abrams is a master mediator renowned for turning high-conflict situations into amicable resolutions. She has mediated thousands of complex matters for major corporations and high-stakes parties, including the dispute over the secret recipe for Pepsi. She is the principal of Hesha Abrams Mediation and the author of Holding the Calm. 

Learn more at holdingthecalm.com (http://holdingthecalm.com) and heshaabramsmediation.com. (http://heshaabramsmediation.com)

About the Host:

Dr. Lee Sharma is a gynecologist based in Auburn, AL, with over 30 years of clinical experience. She holds a Master’s in Conflict Resolution and is passionate about helping colleagues navigate workplace challenges and thrive through open conversations and practical tools.

• Connect with Dr. Lee Sharma:

📧 Email: scalpelandsword@gmail.com (mailto:scalpelandsword@gmail.com)

🌐 Website: East Alabama Health – Dr. Sharma (https://www.eastalabamahealth.org/provider/lee-sharma-md-obstetrics)

The Scalpel and Sword Podcast is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical, legal, or professional advice. Always consult a qualified professional regarding your specific situation.

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